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Our Team

Rebekah Diaddigo

Rebekah Diaddigo is a modern-day princess who loves Jesus, her family, and ballet. Her passion is to use the art of dance to build and encourage others that they might know their true identity and reach their full potential. Rebekah believes that art should portray beauty, inspire, engage, and connect and hopes to bring these ideas together through her latest endeavor, Bluebird: uncaged. She has a BA in communications from Thomas Edison State College and is currently a fellowship dancer with the Atlanta Ballet. She received her training from Sawnee School of Ballet and the Atlanta Ballet Centre for Dance Education where she has performed in their productions of The Nutcracker, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Pinocchio. She is a faculty member of ABCDE and teaches for the West End Performing Arts Center as part of Atlanta Ballet’s outreach program. In her spare time, Rebekah enjoys blogging, hand embroidery, eating chocolate, and spending time with her family.

Twitter: @RebekahDiaddigo
blog: www.diaddigo.com/rebekah


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Take a walk through time with Marian Anderson’s nostalgia art. Her unique collage prints represent the historic and memorable places and people in several Minnesota towns. Towns include: Chatfield, New Ulm, Nicollet, North Mankato, Sleepy Eye and Rapidan.
Two prints feature Dorothy Molter. Also known as “The Root Beer Lady,” Dorothy was the last resident to live in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area.

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Freezing, calibrating, crumbling, optical sorting, metal detection, packing, storaging.

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Storaging and packing

Logistic services, storaging, packing of delivered products. Our internal platform allows us to fully identify each pallet of raw material on each stage of production.


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text: TY - JOUR T1 - Followership: much more than simply following the leader JF - BMJ Leader JO - BMJ Leader SP - 41 LP - 44 DO - 10.1136/leader-2019-000162 VL - 4 IS - 2 AU - McKimm, Judy AU - Vogan, Claire L Y1 - 2020/06/01 UR - http://bmjleader.bmj.com/content/4/2/41.abstract N2 - …leadership can only occur if there is followership – without followers and following behaviours there would be no leadership.1 Followership describes how individuals respond to and interact with their leader and others. For many years, however, the spotlight was on identifying approaches the leader should use when interacting with and managing followers, and followers were largely seen as passive and subservient to the actions and instructions of the leader.1 More recently, there has been increasing focus on how followers shape, define, and cocreate leadership and leaders’ actions and identity,1 recognising that all individuals, both in senior and more junior positions, move around the leadership ‘triad’ (figure 1), using leadership, management and followership skills according to the situation, environment or position they find themselves in at any one time.2 Figure 1 The ‘leadership triad’.All health professionals have to learn how to work effectively in multiple teams and, reflecting this, training programmes place much emphasis on the development of teamworking skills. Traditionally, the development of teamworking and leadership skills have been seen as two separate entities, and consideration of the concept of followership in terms of teamworking is relatively recent.3–5 Learning how to be an authentic leader as well as a ‘proactive’ follower can lead to more effective interprofessional teamworking4 6 and ultimately an improvement in health outcomes.7 In clinical situations, the ‘dance of leadership and followership’ involves being able to step up to take leadership when needed (which may be ‘small “l” leadership’,8 such as leading on a task), to recognise how and when to follow a leader and to acknowledge that leadership may be distributed and rotating, not necessarily vested in one individual.The types and behaviours of followersOver the years, researchers have suggested ways of followers based on their role or behaviour within a group and towards … ER -


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  1. We have an early departure from Barcelona El Prat, so am looking for a hotel near the airport. Don't see anything right on site. Can anyone recommend a hotel near the airport? Thanks!
  2. Cruisemom makes some excellent points about the pros and cons of cruising in a location-rich area such as Europe. Back in June, we were on Prinsendam's final voyage for HAL. That allowed us to visit ports such as Honningsvag, Narvik, and Tromso that would have been much more difficult to reach on a land tour. But that may have been our last cruise in Europe because we are very concerned about the ecological damage cruise ships do. We thoroughly enjoyed sailing in and out of the Bay of Kotor ten years ago. These days, with 450 ships bringing more than half a million passengers, the Bay is an ecological disaster waiting to happen, especially when Montenegro (not an EU country) has lax environmental protections. We hate to see the Adriatic coast go the way of the Caribbean and Southeast Alaska. We think it best not to participate in this degradation.
  3. Will be in Naples next spring (8 hours). We've been to Pompeii and the archaeology museum. This time, we'd like to go to Herculaneum and the villa at Oplontis. We're mid-seventies, intellectually curious, but creak and have some mobility problems. Are these two locations a reasonable DIY or do we need a tour? If a tour, can anyone recommend a reliable one that isn't grotesquely expensive? Thanks in advance for any advice!
  4. If you're thinking of a day-trip or two from Venice (Padua? Verona?), then consider staying in Mestre. We stayed at the Hotel Bologna right across the street from the train station. Nice business hotel with a good restaurant at around $85/night. Clean, modern, helpful staff. Mestre itself is nothing much, but it's on the main line to the rest of Italy. The train takes 10 minutes to get into Venice; trains run about every 10-15 minutes. And you can easily get a taxi at the hotel to/from both airport and cruise port.
  5. Thanks to sailco and Ashland for the helpful advice!
  6. Am considering Celebrity cruise with an overnight in Cannes during the film festival next year. Not particularly interested in the festival but looking for a base for tours around Riviera.. Is Cannes extremely busy last week of festival? How hard will it likely be to arrange tours or DIY to Nice and Antibes? Any advice from travelers who've been in Cannes during the festival would be appreciated!
  7. Getting back to the original topic: recently back from two weeks in Norway with every day and port fascinating. Would also gladly go back to Charlottetown and St. John's in Canada, Kotor or almost any port in Croatia, Valletta, Amalfi, and Venice.
  8. We never get off to go to Rome. We know the city pretty well from 50 years of visits, and it's much too huge and rich in sights for a one-day stop. We've been to Tarquinia and Orvieto from Civitavecchia but now just stay on the ship.
  9. Got a good deal on Reflection for Jan. 10-20 but have not been on Celebrity, this ship, or to the Caribbean (6 cruises in Europe, though). Usually cruise on smaller ships and are just looking for ten days in the sun and a winter break. We're mid-70s; enjoy books, good food and wine; never go to floor shows, pool parties, or casinos. So five questions: How crowded is Reflection likely to be at this time in January? Lots of kids? Lots of noise? Any thoughts (pro or con) on cabin 6236 or nearby? Anything good or bad about the ship for older travelers? Thanks in advance for your thoughts and advice!
  10. Vancouver is a favorite with us. Thanks to miserable trains from London, we don't depart from English ports any more.
  11. sattva

    Offbeat Rome?

    Have been in Rome many times and seen the major sites. A couple of those is all one can do on a port stop. But if you have several days in Rome, what's worth looking for off the beaten track? I recommend three; please add some more: 1) Basilica of San Clemente: 12th century church (stunning mosaics) with a 4th century church underneath and ancient buildings (including Mithra temple) below that. 2) Centrale Monte Martini Museum: ancient Roman sculpture on display in a now disused 1920's power station. Just amazing. 3) MAXXI Museum of 21st century art in an award-winning, post-modernist building with lots of contemporary art inside. What else can traveler's suggest?
  12. I notice on a major on-line agency that prices for Marina's May 3-17 cruise from Barcelona to Rome are significantly below Oceania's published "cruise only" rates. A B3 is listed at $4,104 instead of $5,399 with no perks. There are almost a hundred cabins with prices cut in the 20% range. Does Oceania generally cut rates this sharply about three months ahead of sailing? Might affect what I reserve for 2020. Is it a better deal to buy this rate with no perks or look for a TA offering the published rates with good perks? Thanks!
  13. This is a fascinating thread; thanks to all who are participating. I sincerely hope the contributors who think there is an American market still for mid-size ships visiting some smaller ports are right. My wife and I started traveling in "Europe on $5 a Day" era and are still "low frills:" cruisers. For the Caribbean, Celebrity Reflection is ideal for us as a floating resort in January. Otherwise, we are itinerary-focused cruisers. We prefer the Med and have been happy with HAL's smaller ships. We're on Prinsendam to Norway in June because of ship size but, even more, thanks to new-to-us ports such as the North Cape, Trondheim, Narvik, and Tromso. But we'd never go on a mega-ship or a super-luxury line. Couldn't stand the former nor afford the latter. Whether there really are 15,000 travelers like us, as OlsSalt envisions, is a good question. British lines such as Fred. Olsen and Saga may be on the way to an answer. Many of their passengers are older Brits who are content with small cabins, little glitz, and modest entertainment. We enjoy this kind of travel--and had a fine river cruise in Portugal last year with a British outfit.. I'm looking now at a Fred. Olsen cruise that goes from Tenerife to Cape Town with stops along the coast of Africa and at St. Helena and Ascension Islands. For about four weeks in an ocean-view cabin, the cost is around $4500 per person or $175/day including drinks and gratuities. Economies of scale will probably prevent American lines from continuing to provide the kind of cruising we like at a price we can bear. But some European lines may be answer for now.
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Will Social Media determine our next President? Part 2

As predicted, the social media is being utilized by the Social Network – Presidential Campaign Style. Republican Tim Pawlenty “T-Paw” started his campaign on Facebook letting all his “friends” know of his presidential dreams and goals. Pawlenty has even created a mobile website, live streaming videos to Facebook and awarding badges to his supporters.

The candidates plan to use the Internet for a much greater White House campaign than we’ve ever seen, communicating directly with voters and supporters connected to their Social Network. President Obama revealed the voting power of the Internet in 2008, his challengers are expecting to take this power to the next level.

Presidential Candidate, Rival Romney hired an online director, Zac Moffact to handle his online campaign, who stating, “You have to take your message to the places where people are consuming content and spending their time.” I would not doubt that Zac and the other candidates are using a SEO Service Company. People worldwide are spending most of their Internet time on either Youtube, Twitter, or Facebook, which has 500 million active users. Each and every candidate has a powerful Facebook presence, using the site to post their messages and to host online discussions. It’s interesting how the presidential candidates aren’t trying to drive traffic to their website, but are doing everything they can to add friends on their Facebook Page or add Twitter Followers.

President Obama is taking it one step further of course, by visiting Facebook headquarters in California for a live chat with Mark Zuckerbuerg, the company founder. They are anticipating questions the users submitting questions on the site. He’s components are using Twitter to counter attack his recent decisions and speeches. Whether the President’s camp wants to admit it or not, the Tweets by his competitors are effective. The Republicans aren’t only tweeting but tweeting with links pointing to their Facebook post that explains more in detail of what the anti-Obama tweet was about (since you can only use 140 characters with Twitter).

Perfect example, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich tweeted, “The President’s plan will kill jobs and increase the deficit.” Mr. Gingrich only has 1,333,706 followers, I forgot to mention. The hackers are going to have their piece of the action as with the Social Media War. Fake Twitter and Facebook pages are popping up constantly with the intentions of embarrassing the candidates. We have many other great blogs for you to view, please, share your thoughts with us! If you missed Part I of, Will Social Media determine our next President in 2012

,” you may now do so.

What are you thoughts on this? How has social media influenced your life?

Follow us on Twitter and Facebook!

Written By: Bryan Loconto, SEO Fort Lauderdale


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Nerdification Media Artist Alley Portfolio, 2020

Diana Paparozzi is the founder, producer and general director for Nerdification Media. Her passions include traditional media, podcasting and classic Milano cookies.

Katie Knox is an illustrator studying to be a high school English teacher. While teaching ESL for three years in Japan, she was able to hone her skills with digital art while silmultaneously building a distressingly large collection of Detective Conan figurines.


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Katiebird Reviews: Surviving Raine and Otherwise Alone by Shay Savage

I am not sure if I am in the minority with regards to our readers and followers’ thoughts and feelings about fan fiction authors becoming published authors. I know that we here at BT, don’t have a problem with it, and are thrilled when a story we loved and adored as fan fic, gets the attention it deserves when published, whether it’s self-published, with a small publishing house or one of the bigger ones.

When I read the positive reviews of their published work on Goodreads by people who didn’t know it was fan fiction in the first place or maybe just didn’t read it before being published, that in itself proves to me that the work stands on its own.

I guess I feel like I need to clear the air about this point, because one of my favorite fan fiction writers, Savage7289, is now getting some of her fan fic work published and as well as her original work. I am thrilled for her, and want to share my praise of two of her books here.

Surviving Raine by Shay Savage.

SurvivingRaine cover

Book summary:

As the captain of a schooner catering to the elite on the Caribbean Seas, Sebastian Stark does his best to avoid any human encounters. Interacting with people isn’t his thing, and he prefers the company of a bottle of vodka, a shot glass, and maybe a whore. There’s no doubt he’s hiding from a checkered past, but he does well keeping everything to himself…

…until the night his schooner capsizes, and he’s stuck on a life raft with one of the passengers.

Raine’s young, she’s cute, and Bastian would probably be into her if he wasn’t suffering from alcohol withdrawal. As the days pass, DTs, starvation, and dehydration become the norm. Even the most closed person starts to open up when he thinks he’s going to die, but when she realizes their traumatic pasts are connected, it’s no longer the elements that have Bastian concerned.

He has no idea how he’s going to Survive Raine.

Reading this story for the second time was a wonderful reminder of why I love Shay’s writing style so much. She is an amazing storyteller, and she just has this knack for writing in a male’s point of view.

My Bastian

My Bastian

Sebastian Stark. He is quite the character. We start out realizing immediately that he’s choosing to live the hard and fast life. He wakes up wanting a drink, and goes to bed drunk. Dating normal women is not an option, because he is only interested in having sex. That’s it. His only friend is John Paul, his partner on The Oblation, the schooner ship that he lives on and runs as a business providing cruises on the Caribbean. It’s a simple life that keeps him basically numb.

It’s not until the unthinkable happens that we experience true emotions from Bastian. The ship is capsized in a huge storm, and he is stuck on a tiny life raft with one of the passengers, Raine. With each passing moment, we get to experience Bastian’s struggle with alcohol withdrawal and life or death situations. Even though, I knew the outcome of the story, I was still riveted by Bastian’s tortured thoughts and ideas. Despite those thoughts about his past and his self-worth, he proves himself over and over again, that he will always survive and make the difficult choices.

For once, it wasn’t just me I needed to look after. There was the annoying, questioning, tiny little piece of seriously feminine, soft, brown-eyed, doesn’t-take-my-shit, fucking beautiful young woman who didn’t stand a chance on her own that I needed to protect.

Raine Gayle. Talk about being at the right place, at the wrong time. She is thrown into this impossible situation with Bastian, and yet she is strong and takes everything in stride. She is also smart and kind. I love how she deals with Bastian. Everything really. His past. His addictions. Their connection to each other’s lives through her father.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be and doing what I should be doing. I was complete when we joined, and the reason for my existence was suddenly revealed to me- I was here to save her and to love her.

There are some very dark scenes in this book, but everything is written so well, that it all makes sense. The ending is exactly as it should be, but leaves the door open for the sequel. The last chapter being told from a surprising POV. I am thrilled to death she is continuing this story. I am not done with Bastian, nor is he done with us. There is more tell for sure. He is not the typical hero, but he does what needs to be done for Raine.

Otherwise Alone cover

Otherwise Alone.

Book Summary:

Lieutenant Evan Arden sits in a shack in the middle of nowhere, waiting for orders that will send him back home – if he ever gets them. Other than his loyal Great Pyrenees, there’s no one around to break up the monotony. The tedium is excruciating, but it is suddenly interrupted when a young woman stumbles up his path.

He has two choices – pick her off from a distance with his trusty sniper-rifle, or dare let her approach his cabin and enter his life.

Why not? It’s been ages, and he is otherwise alone…

So this a quick read at about 50 pages. I almost feel like I’m reading the prologue to an amazing adventure about to begin. Please don’t be mistaken at the short amount of pages that nothing interesting happens, because everything happens really fast in this one.

I think that is what surprised me the most. Shay is really good at building up the sexual tension between the characters in her work. Evan Arden is given an opportunity with this stranger, and he doesn’t waste it.  We get to experience what hot and fast sex is like, since we are in his head the whole time.

Lia Antonio. Personally I don’t think she is what she claims to be. There is definitely more to her story. Who wanders in the desert without provisions, claiming to be dropped off and left to make her way back to civilization?

At any rate, Evan and Lia part ways, and we are left as readers, wondering what the hell is going to happen next. I am so excited to climb into Evan’s truck, have Odin sit in my lap, and let him drive me off to the next destination. Apparently, it’s Chicago and I happen to live there, so I would be more than happy to be his tour guide. Bring it on…

**I was given an advanced copy of Surviving Raine from the author, but this did not influence my review in any way.**

You can purchase both books on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

I give Surviving Raine, 5 outstanding stars, and Otherwise Alone, 4 amazing stars. I put both books on my “top shelf fantastic reads” on Goodreads.

One of Shay Savage’s forever fans.

About katiebird

I am a huge reader of young adult, new adult, and paranormal romances. I also have an acute fondness of Robert Thomas Pattinson. I love that I get to share with everyone my love of reading.

8 thoughts on “Katiebird Reviews: Surviving Raine and Otherwise Alone by Shay Savage

  1. maureen says:

    Wow, not the usual story, I would really like to buy, but I can’t get it on B & N (nook) I will keep trying. thanks for the review & the shout out to a new author!

    • katiebirdie says:

      Sorry about that. I assumed when I saw the link on Shay’s website to B&N that the books were available there. Hopefully the publisher will make that happen soon. 🙂

  2. cjanes11 says:

    I agree about the fan fic authors. I love Shay Savage’s work. She is an amazing writer. I am glad she is getting published and her work is being recognized.

  3. I read Surviving Raine not knowing it was a fic first but loved it 🙂 I do try and support our lovely fic writers and buy any published works !!

  4. Lucia says:

    Great reviews! I read and loved both books 🙂

  5. Stefter says:

    I try to always support FanFic writers that publish. I think it’s wonderful and get very annoyed at people who make negative judgement on a book based on the fact that it was once fic. They don’t know what they’re missing out on.

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Small Group Yoga For Beginners Course In Milton Keynes

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Front Cover
Edwin Monroe Bacon
New England magazine, 1896 - Digital images - 1027 pages
The 1896 published volume has addenda and errata on p. [1017]-1119.

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The Day You Begin

Jacqueline Woodson (Author) Rafael López (Illustrator)

Jacqueline Woodson is the 2018-2019 National Ambassador for Young People's Literature

National Book Award winner Jacqueline Woodson and two-time Pura Belpré Illustrator Award winner Rafael López have teamed up to create a poignant, yet heartening book about finding courage to connect, even when you feel scared and alone.

There will be times when you walk into a room
and no one there is quite like you.

There are many reasons to feel different. Maybe it's how you look or talk, or where you're from; maybe it's what you eat, or something just as random. It's not easy to take those first steps into a place where nobody really knows you yet, but somehow you do it.

Jacqueline Woodson's lyrical text and Rafael López's dazzling art reminds us that we all feel like outsiders sometimes-and how brave it is that we go forth anyway. And that sometimes, when we reach out and begin to share our stories, others will be happy to meet us halfway.

(This book is also available in Spanish, as El Día En Que Descubres Quién Eres!)

Product Details

$18.99  $17.47
Nancy Paulsen Books
Publish Date
August 28, 2018
9.3 X 0.4 X 10.7 inches | 1.0 pounds

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About the Author

Jacqueline Woodson ( is the recipient of the 2020 Hans Christian Andersen Award, the 2018 Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award, and the 2018 Children's Literature Legacy Award. She was the 2018-2019 National Ambassador for Young People's Literature, and in 2015, she was named the Young People's Poet Laureate by the Poetry Foundation. She received the 2014 National Book Award for her New York Times bestselling memoir Brown Girl Dreaming, which was also a recipient of the Coretta Scott King Award, a Newbery Honor, the NAACP Image Award, and a Sibert Honor. She wrote the adult books Red at the Bone, a New York Times bestseller, and Another Brooklyn, a 2016 National Book Award finalist. Born in Columbus, Ohio, Jacqueline grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, and Brooklyn, New York, and graduated from college with a B.A. in English. She is the author of dozens of award-winning books for young adults, middle graders, and children; among her many accolades, she is a four-time Newbery Honor winner, a four-time National Book Award finalist, and a two-time Coretta Scott King Award winner. Her books include New York Times bestsellers The Day You Begin and Harbor Me; The Other Side, Each Kindness, Caldecott Honor book Coming On Home Soon; Newbery Honor winners Feathers, Show Way, and After Tupac and D Foster; and Miracle's Boys, which received the LA Times Book Prize and the Coretta Scott King Award. Jacqueline is also a recipient of the Margaret A. Edwards Award for lifetime achievement for her contributions to young adult literature and a two-time winner of the Jane Addams Children's Book Award. She lives with her family in Brooklyn, New York. Rafael López won Pura Belpré medals for Drum Dream Girl and Book Fiesta, and has also received three Pura Belpré honors, two Américas Book Awards, and the 2017 Tomás Rivera Children's Book Award and Society of Illustrators Original Art Silver Medal. His work has been featured in Communication Arts, American Illustration Annual, Graphic Design USA and Huffington Post. He's a founder of San Diego's Urban Art Trail movement, created seven US Postal Stamps, and created official posters for the '08 and '12 Obama-Biden campaigns.

* "National Book Award winner and national treasure Jacqueline Woodson teams up with two-time Pura Belpré Award recipient Rafael López to deliver an empowering message to any child who has ever felt too different. . . . Woodson and López offer a needed message of comfort to preschool and early elementary students. Woodson's lulling free verse reassures the reader that the world will 'make some space, ' while López's dreamy, near-translucent mixed-media illustrations thrum with playful joy. This gentle, powerful ode to diversity and acceptance belongs with all children."--Shelf Awareness, starred review

* "A beautiful and inclusive story that encourages children to find the beauty in their own lives and share it with the world. . . . Each child feels very alone until they begin to share their stories and discover that it is nearly always possible to find someone a little like you. López's vibrant illustrations bring the characters' hidden and unspoken thoughts to light with fantastic, swirling color. Shifting hues and textures across the page convey their deep loneliness and then slowly transition into bright hopeful possibilities. Full-bleed illustrations on every page are thick with collaged patterns and textures that pair perfectly with melodic prose that begs to be read aloud. . . . There's an essential acknowledgment that everyone will experience a time when no one is quite like them, when they can't find their voice, or when they feel very alone. Woodson's superlative text sees each character turn that moment of desolation into an opportunity to be brave and find hope in what they have in common. This masterful story deserves a place in every library."--School Library Journal, starred review

* "A bright jewel-toned palette and clever details, including a literal reflection of a better future, reveal hope and pride. . . . This reassuring, lyrical book feels like a big hug from a wise aunt as she imparts the wisdom of the world in order to calm trepidatious young children: One of these things is not like the other, and that is actually what makes all the difference. A must-have book about the power of one's voice and the friendships that emerge when you are yourself."--Kirkus Reviews, starred review

* "Woodson's poetic lines give power to each child's experience. . . . López paints the book's array of children as students in the same classroom; patterns and colors on the children's clothing and the growing things around them fill the spreads with life. Woodson's gentle, lilting story and López's artistry create a stirring portrait of the courage it takes to be oneself."--Publishers Weekly, starred review

* "Woodson's lyrical text is gently reassuring as it moves between broad discussion and specific examples of difference and discomfort, which emphasize children moving across cultures but will speak to children from all backgrounds and experiences. Mixed-media illustrations . . . combine bold with soft colors and textures in a slightly shaded tropical palette; compositions employ creative and insightful perspectives to suit the characters' feelings. . . . The artist frequently incorporates a ruler into the illustrations, which perhaps speaks to the children's perceptions of how they measure up to others. This lovely and sensitive treatment of adjustment deserves a spot in any collection for youngsters."--The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books, starred review

"Woodson catches the uncertainty, even fear, that comes with new situations. But her lyrical language also captures the moment when confidence sparks and friendships are born. . . . The bold, bright artwork features a diverse cast of kids. . . . The important message plays out in a striking design that mixes the everyday with flights of fancy. Woodson, a recent National Ambassador for Young People's Literature, is one of kidlit's brightest stars, and this should find lots of eager hands."--Booklist

"What will it take for a child who feels different to share her stories? . . . Like Woodson's memoir Brown Girl Dreaming, this story places great value on literacy, reading, and imagination. The matte-finished pages feature illustrations in vivid, brilliant colors, with repeated appearances of flying birds and lush, twining vines and flowers."--Horn Book


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Tag Archive | wolf

This is Not a Werewolf Story, by Sandra Evans (book review) – spirit animal in the woods?

book cover of This is Not a Werewolf Story by Sandra Evans published by Atheneum Books for Young Readers | recommended on BooksYALove.comFriday night escape,
away from boarding school,
back to his true form, running on four legs

A hidden lighthouse, a sadistic gym teacher, White Deer Woods where Raul just knows Mom is waiting for him – a little further from the sadness that weighed Dad down to the floor when she was gone, out into the freedom of being his wolf-self again, wondering about the missing Fresnel lens and why the new kid Vincent is nice to him.

Happy book birthday to this self-discovery story! Visit the publisher’s page here and scroll down to read chapter one, as Raul meets the new kid and secrets begin to unfold.

Have you ever felt like two beings at once?

Book info: This Is Not a Werewolf Story / Sandra Evans. [author site]  [publisher site]  Review copy and cover image courtesy of the publisher.

My book talk: It’s okay that Dad doesn’t come over from Seattle to pick up Raul for the weekends – more time to explore White Deer Woods near the boarding school and learn more about his mom who disappeared.

Tuffman, the three-time Olympian who now teaches PE at this small school for kids with individual learning needs? He’s not okay, not ever!

There’s a real white deer in the woods, and magic, Raul learns. Magic that lets him become his true wolf-self (no, not a werewolf! that’s movie make-believe) and run with the beautiful wolf who must be his mother.

When a cougar is sighted in the woods, Dean Swift restricts students to the main building – but how can Raul stay away?
The abandoned lighthouse where his change-magic happens – where did its giant lens go?
Mary Anne, Sparrow, new kid Vincent, even Mean Jack are on his side – but can he escape Tuffman’s torment?

A white wolf, secrets that divide and bring together – Raul is a young man trying to unravel a hidden agenda at school as the secret in White Deer Woods might free him or doom him. (One of 6,000 books recommended on www.abookandahug.com)

Wolf Wilder, by Katherine Rundell (book review) – wolves, friends, revolution!

book cover of The Wolf Wilder by Katherine Rundell published by Simon Schuster BFYR | recommended on BooksYALove.comThe snow-laden landscape speaks,
the wolves howl in delight or despair,
a girl and her mother understand them all…

Re-wilding a wolf after its failure to be a calm good-luck charm in an aristocratic household is what Marina and Feo do, but the local commander puts more value on the Tsar’s elk than on any human life.

Arrest, prison, execution – Feo must rescue her mother, accompanied by a very young Russian soldier who’d rather be a dancer and the three wild wolves whose range includes her remote home in the snowiest woods.

“Black had eaten three toes, which, technically, had belonged to an English lord. Her wolves, Feo thought, were a bunch of the most beautiful criminals.” (p. 18)

I usually donate my review copies to school libraries, but I am keeping this one for myself!

Are you brave enough to fight injustice where you live?

Book info:  The Wolf Wilder / Katherine Rundell. Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2015.  [author interview]  [publisher site]  Review copy and cover image courtesy of the publisher.

My book talk: Preparing tamed wolves to live free again is Feo’s joy and job, but the general interpreting the Tsar’s wishes arrests her mother for their work, and it’s up to the girl and her wolf friends to rescue her in this lyrical tale of friendship and bravery.

Russian aristocrats believe that a wolf in the house brings good luck, but dare not kill one that won’t become a docile pet. So those wolves are sent to Marina and daughter Feo who help them become wild again.

General Rakov blames the wolf wilders for every wolf attack and arrests Marina when she continues the rehabilitation work that society demands.

Suddenly the young girl is left near their burning house with a newborn wolf pup, young teen Ilya who doesn’t want to be a soldier anymore, and three local wolves who consider Feo part of their pack.

Six days until Marina’s trial – can they travel fast enough in the winter storms?
Asking for help – can revolutionary Alexei rouse his village against harsh Rakov?
Finding a way into the walled city and prison – what will Black, White, and Gray do among so many humans?

This must-read story of friendship, love, and grit hides difficulties behind snow-covered trees, awakens compassion amid frosty hard times, and celebrates the best of loyalty against cruelty. (One of 8,000 books recommended on www.abookandahug.com)


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QOTD: Gordon Campbell on SkyCity

At Scoop:

For the record, we started out last week with (a) Prime Minister John Key telling the public that a $402 million convention centre would be only an ‘eyesore’ in downtown Auckland with the clear signaling that (b) the extra $128 million was probably necessary and justified under the contract. Within 24 hours and driven by the potential risk to his own credibility, Finance Minister Bill English became (c) the first Cabinet heavy hitter to break ranks and question the extra spending which led to (d) Key suddenly agreeing that he’d need a lot of convincing to spend the extra millions which led to (e) SkyCity agreeing to go back to the drawing board and (f) design and build a new convention centre for the original price that would (g) somehow be just as good. Yeah, right. Clearly, the screeching U-turns were being driven by nothing other than the public’s outrage at gifting SkyCity with $128 million on top of its other goodies.

There’s been some great campaigning by Labour and even the Taxpayers’ “Union” on this issue – essentially coordinating the increasing concerns people have felt about the SkyCity deal ever since it was first announced.

You can spin any number of theories out of the Government’s, and its Ministers’, behaviour. Is this yet another move by English to set himself apart from his Dirty-Politics-stained colleagues? Is Key afflicted with third term arrogance, unable to recognise that many people are tiring of the “actually quite relaxed” approach he takes to governing the country? Has Joyce’s bungling of SkyCity opened up a new path to career redemption for Judith Collins? Will everything be forgotten as soon as the flag referendum gets a definite date?

Whichever’s your favourite, 2015 is not shaping up to be a good year for National.

What do you reckon?

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AI predicts response to antipsychotic drugs, could distinguish between disorders

Lawson Health Research Institute, Mind Research Network and Brainnetome Center researchers have developed an algorithm that analyzes brain scans to classify illness in patients with complex mood disorders and help predict their response to medication.

A recent studyanalyzed and compared fMRI scans of those with MDD, bipolar I,  and no history of mental illness, and found that each group’s brain networks differed, including regions in the default mode network and thalamus.

When tested against participants with a known MDD or Bipolar I diagnosis, the algorithm correctly classified illness with 92.4 per cent accuracy.

The team also imaged the brains of 12 complex mood disorder patients with out a clear diagnosis, to predict diagnosis and examine medication response.

The researchers hypothesized that participants classified by the algorithm as having MDDwould respond to antidepressants while those classified as having bipolar I would respond to mood stabilizers. When tested with the complex patients, 11 out of 12 responded to the medication predicted by the algorithm.

According to lead researcher Elizabeth Osuch:: “This study takes a major step towards finding a biomarker of medication response in emerging adults with complex mood disorders. It also suggests that we may one day have an objective measure of psychiatric illness through brain imaging that would make diagnosis faster, more effective and more consistent across health care providers.”

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I was tagged by NATY @ Naty’s Bookshelf, please go check out her tag HERE. I was also tagged by STEPH @ The Ginger Book Worm and you can see her post HERE.

Answer the questions down below.
Credit the creator of the tag (Ink Girl and Words).
Nominate as many blogger as you want, it has to be 5+ though.

  • How long have you been blogging? I’m gonna count only this blog, so a little over a month.
  • Do you enjoy doing tags? I love them so much I post one a week!!
  • Do you follow the blogs that follow you? Always!
  • Describe your blog in 5 words? Books, Videos, Tags, Memes, Happiness
  • How many posts have you made on your blog? (Not counting this tag) At this exact moment (Aug. 20th I know I’m super ahead on tags lol) I have 40 posts published, 2 drafts, and 11 scheduled posts.
  • On a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy blogging? I would have to say a solid 10! I absolutely love getting my posts ready to go, replying to comments, and everything else that goes into making my blog a happy little sanctuary.
  • Post some links to blogs you enjoy reading: This is tough I have a lot of blogs I love! I am esp. loving LORI’S BLOG, DANIELLE’S BLOG, and JESSICA’S BLOG!
  • Writing or reading blog posts? I love doing both!

Michelle @ Bookaholic Banter

Dorottya @ Berries & Books

Linda @ Linda’s Little Library

Jackie @ Bookworm Cafe

Megs @ Between the Pages

Kayte @ KayteReads

Jessica @ Reading With Jessica

Abigail @ Abigail’s Books

I have these Scheduled so far in advance, I’m sorry if you have already done this tag or been tagged.

  1. Wow, you had this scheduled so far in advance. I’m super impressed. I’d like to be able to work that far ahead, especially around November since I’m pretty busy with NaNoWriMo. Having my posts ready to go ahead of time would be fantastic.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know in the next 10 days I’m going to try to get as many of my November posts prepped as I can. I’ll be writing a novel so I won’t have a lot of extra time for writing up all my blog posts. NaNoWriMo is coming.

        Liked by 1 person

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Monthly Archives: June 2015

Finding comfort

Where do you find comfort when you are overwhelmed?

Need help getting unstuck. Ideas?

Any words of wisdom or motivation? I can’t seem to get unstuck at the moment. I have not been able to pack in the last 4 days… it’s crunch time. There’s so much to be done, but no amount of talking to myself, lecturing myself, yelling at myself, or trying to express any of this is helping with it right now.
I’ve tried being gentle, I’ve tried being motivational, I’ve tried bribing myself, I’ve even tried guilting myself, but I feel frozen.
Maybe dragging myself out of the house would give me some sort of pattern interrupt to get me moving again? I dunno. Maybe the beach would recharge me?
I can’t talk about being stuck without crying (and that’s if I can even find the words) I can’t pack without crying and freezing… I tried reaching out to a variety of supports without being able to get relief or a break in this heaviness.
I resorted to leaving TM a message asking for some support. It was a boundary I didn’t want to cross, but I’m running out of ideas. I told her that I wouldn’t pick up if she called back so that she wouldn’t have to waste more than a few moments on a message. The other reason behind that is that I’m not confident of being able to actually speak with her if I answered. As soon as I open my mouth, I start to cry. Even with L last night, I couldn’t get words out around any of this…
I hate all the emotions this anniversary brings up. I hate that it’s now compounded by the move (or the move is made more difficult by this anniversary. Both are accurate ways of looking at it)…
I just need to be able to function long enough to get things done. I need something to work to make me functional.

I can’t do this. I don’t know how to do this without it feeling like it’s crushing me… I’m a bug on the bottom of someone’s shoe, and it feels like I’m being ground into the dirt…
I don’t know how to do this.

How can I help you say goodbye – Patty Loveless

quote – on depression

depression isn’t not understanding that you have something you should live for; it’s knowing that you should feel differently, but it’s so bad that all you want to do is curl up and die… – Violet Turner, Private Practice – Love Bites (s3e14)

what happened to my “sticky”?

I have a private post that I wanted to keep as a sticky at the top of my blog (It’s a quote that I am not sure the person wants to be made public, since it was shared on a private group page, but it’s something I need to remember)… It was there for about a week, and now it’s not there anymore. Is there a way to keep a sticky at the top of the blog? I keep checking off “make this a sticky” but it doesn’t seem to work. What’s going on with it? Do the stickies expire?

“Are you a psychopath? Have I got the career for you!”

I want to save this for later reading.

Minding the Workplace

Screenshot from from

They may be click bait, but articles listing professions said to attract the most psychopaths are very popular. At least I couldn’t help myself when I saw the latest from AlterNet, by Kali Holloway, summarizing a now oft-repeated list:

  • CEO
  • Lawyer
  • Media (television/radio)
  • Salesperson
  • Surgeon
  • Journalist
  • Police officer
  • Clergy
  • Chef
  • Civil servants

The origin of this list is psychologist Kevin Dutton’s The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success (2012). According to Holloway, Dutton:

…believes that psychopathy can actually be advantageous in some careers. Using (not the most scientific) survey, he compiled a list of careers in which psychopaths are overrepresented. Mostly, they’re fields where the hallmarks of psychopathy allow people not just to get by but to thrive and succeed.

similar 2013 piece by Kelly Clay in adds more from Dutton:

Dutton has said that ”a number…

View original post 119 more words

One bucket list item done

We interrupt your normal read now to bring you this special report.

With the date of the move a mere 8 days away, I’ve decided I need to hurry up with my bucket list of things to do here before leaving.

Yesterday I text a friend whom I’ve gone field herping with, and who said he knew of a spot where we could find chameleons in the wild (though they are not a native species here, some pockets of populations exist). We made an impromptu trip to said spot.

Within the first 20 feet, I spotted a chameleon! It was a young female

Both of us were crazy-giddy at having found one. For me, it was a “lifer” (a herp I desperately wanted to find in situ). I used to own chameleons. They are my absolute favorite lizard of all time. I can’t express how excited I was to find one 😀

The rest of the night was uneventful. I think too many people know of that spot because she was the only one we encountered. But it was totally worth it. We also found a corn snake, several species of bugs, and a boar skull in a bucket (I’m guessing someone killed the thing and wanted to have the skull cleaned by bugs, so they left it in the field and will come back for it at a later date)…

Anyway, just wanted to share the chameleon find. It totally made my weekend!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming 😉

quote – never stop yourself from living

Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that’s why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living. ―Alysha Spee

Feeling disposable

Feeling very disposable tonight. Not quite sure why. I have an idea, but… I don’t know.

Trying to hold the idea of being worthy of care, and that people actually do care about me in my head. It’s proving difficult. Part of that comes from shutting everyone out right now. It seems to be the only way I can function enough to keep moving forward. It’s the only thing that keeps me from dissolving into tears again.

I hate this time of year. I hate that I so easily fall back into despair. I hate that it is so much easier here, where all the reminders of the original events are in my face 24/7/365.

There’s so much swirling around in my head at the moment. I wish I knew how to sort it out. I might need to purposefully do some containment visualizations tonight. I’m grateful for TM’s suggestion of using the pensive. I don’t have to pay attention to where I put things, or try to stuff them in so they all fit. I can simply pull it all out and put it into the bowl. I know it will be held safely there. Everything can coalesce, but I will still be able to pick out what I need when I need it; easily and one at a time. I can put the whole mess in at once, and know I’ll still be able to find what I’m looking for when I’m looking for it. The house, family, the cats & dogs, friends, experiences (positive and negative alike)… it gets pulled into the pensive so that nothing falls over the rim. I will have the tools needed for pulling them out one by one when I want or need. It will happen safely and in a controlled manner…

Just have to make it through the next several weeks. Well, first I have to pull off the move, then I can worry about the rest of the month. At least I’ll be with L again. And the triggers won’t be in the walls and the trees… most days and nights, these walls scream with the past. The new walls may well scream for someone else, but I will not be able to hear them. Hoping for some internal peace after this relocation.

moving + shitty anniversary + stress + pms = crying every other second

yeah. that.

I hate crying, yet I can’t seem to stop.

I really wish I still had TM’s support this week.

Right side of history

I did a little happy dance as I read that marriage equality is now legal in all 50 states! Finally ❤

I can’t seem to stop crying. This move is what my wife and I have been working towards for three years, but it still hurts. And it’s all right at the same time as a really crappy anniversary. It just sucks. I’m not sure where to turn for real-life support around any of it. I’m not even sure what I would want or need as support. No one seems to be able to understand that it sucks as much as it does (I’m not sure even I totally get why it hurts so much). Everyone thinks I should just be happy that I’m back with my wife (which I totally am!), but there’s also this anniversary of my aunt’s death (she was the safe place to go when my dad got out of control), and losing her house, and having to re-home one of my cats as well as say goodbye to my mom & her critters, and leaving my friends, and having to have said goodbye to TM… and I’m pms’ing, which ALWAYS makes everything a million times harder.

It’s weird, because my ptsd got so much worse when I moved here, but the thought of leaving the week after next is also really triggering. I feel like I’m leaving my mom to an abusive situation again (did that at 17 when I couldn’t stay at my home any longer b/c of my dad), though this time she lives alone – there isn’t any current abuse, but it still *feels* the same, and I don’t know how to shake that feeling. I was never good at protecting her or taking care of her as a kid, and I’m no better at it as an adult. I feel like a little kid again. Writing it out here though, I’m realizing it’s probably mostly the old stuff, and it’s kinda helping to recognize that.

Yesterday I gave in and went out with friends for our usual Wednesday night trivia at a local restaurant. I should not have gone out and spent money, but I want to get all the time in with them that I can. It took me 10 minutes to walk into the place though. I couldn’t stop crying in the car. On the way home, I tore out of the parking lot and cried again when I got back into my driveway. I know I won’t lose touch with my friend b/c we’ve been friends since middle school. We just keep finding each other and catching up, but it’s another loss at a time when so many are already very prominent.

I haven’t cried this much since ending with De this same time last year. I hate it. I don’t know how not to be overwhelmed by this. I have to keep it together though. I have to sort through all my crap and pack it up and wrap up loose ends. All I want to do is either hide in bed and cry, or go to the beach and ignore the move (still trying to figure out how to get more beach time in before I leave).

I’m really hating that I don’t have a therapist to talk to right now. I could call Dr. C, but I need to ask her if I can skip a payment on my old bill next month. I don’t want to have to simultaneously ask for extra help from her when I know I can’t pay for it in the moment… I’m kinda mad the stupid IOP was so triggering. It would have been nice to be able to process some of this stuff. It’s easier to be rambling and directionless in my whining in a setting like that where it’s somewhat expected. And it would be ok to whine and ask for support. I don’t know how to do that with people in my life. I’m supposed to know what I’m asking for, and how to ask for it, and how to do it on my own before even asking. That’s just what society expects. That way you are not really asking for anything, just acknowledging that you are stuck. People don’t have to be made uncomfortable by not knowing what to do (even if all you need is for them to listen and care so you can just get the jumbled mess out of your head)…

I’m really glad to be back with my wife soon, but I wish the change wasn’t happening on the stupid anniversary. A month earlier or later would have been a bit easier (later, I’m guessing, would have been easiest b/c things always get easier once the anniversary passes… and I might have had TM’s support through that day). July 7th has not been easy at all since being down here. At least up north, some years I wouldn’t even know it was coming up. Down here though, the distress over it hits hard more than a month before, and it just keeps getting worse as the day nears. For the past 2 years, it’s also been the time I have to say goodbye to my therapist, so there’s no reliable support around getting through it. 😦

I’m so tired of all this. It needs to get better again up north. I don’t have the energy to keep going through this all the time.

Sorry. I don’t know how not to be so needy right now.

Bad blood by Taylor Swift

“Band Aids don’t fix bullet holes cuz if you live like that you live with ghosts”

bad blood by Taylor Swift

moves can be such an upheaval, even if they are wanted and happy…

I go through bouts of panic, or intense sadness, or both.

I want to hide and cry, but I am trying to pack…

I want to break things (but I don’t really, just feeling very broken inside)… so I purge things and pack the rest.

progress is happening. slow, but happening.

“in tomorrow’s light, things will look a lot less frightening” – Lily Kershaw, Maybe

quote – on the other side of pain…

“On the other side of pain, there is still love.” – Madeleine L’Engle

I wrote her a letter

I did not sleep much last night. I fell asleep around 3am, only to be awakened by cats breaking things at 5:30am. I went back to sleep around 6:30 after cleaning up all the broken glass, then was up again at 8… I was in no mood to pack boxes this a.m. I was going back and forth about leaving TM a message in hopes of expressing what I couldn’t yesterday. The thought of it made me feel too needy and clingy though.

Instead, I wrote her a letter. It’s not great, but it’s got more in it that I had wanted to express. I also made her a mini-award with one of the “endings” quotes she had printed out for me on the back… the unicorn is supposed to resemble the one in her office. It’s not quite right either, but I suddenly can’t remember what her’s looked like (except for the crazy hair).

Awesome Counselor AwardJohn Irving quote

:shrugz: I’ll send it out tomorrow after the little card is more fully dry… can’t think too much about the ending though, because my eyes will start leaking again.

When the lights go down

Tears keep spilling from my eyes. I can’t seem to get them under control.

When the lights go down and there’s nothing left to be
When the lights go down and truth is all you see
When you feel that hole inside your soul
And wonder what you’re made of
Well we all find out
When the lights go down
-Faith Hill

Been struggling with the slowing of the day for the past several days. When it gets quiet, the emotions hit. I’m tired, but I can’t seem to sleep till way late (or is it early?). I have weird dreams. I get exhausted during the day because of the crappy sleep. None of it helps my emotional experiencing.

Way too many changes. Way too much for one day to reasonably hold…

:(… last session with TM

Said goodbye to TM today… It was a good session, but I didn’t really say any of what I had hoped to tell her.

We colored and did pictures. It was good. I’ve spent the rest of the day feverishly sorting and packing… and I may or may not have utilized alcohol as a coping skill as well.

I can’t believe the move is in 2 weeks. I have exactly 14 days to get my shit together. It’ll happen, but I may panic a few more times along the way.

I keep wishing I had said more to TM today. I keep trying to find the right words so I could at least leave her a message, but I don’t have the words. I mentioned as much to her today; that I don’t know how to say thank you and convey the totality of what that means… and I didn’t ask her for a hug, though I really wanted to. I again couldn’t find the words. She had all this stuff in her hands, and I had stuff in mine and… well, I didn’t ask. She even asked if there was anything else, and I just said “no”. We had already gone a few over, and I didn’t want to keep her longer in the hallway as I struggled to form the question.

I did ask if it would be ok to call and update her though, and she said that she would like that.

Sometimes I really hate the finite nature of a therapeutic relationship. I’m also aware though, that it wouldn’t be as safe without the boundaries in place. It just sucks at times like these…

A small art dump

Between packing and procrastinating, I’ve gotten some art time in.

wpid-20150621_153423-1.jpgI didn’t expect to be able to go to Friday’s class with my friend, but stars aligned and things worked out. It was fun. We made marbled backgrounds using paint and shaving cream… I don’t have any pics of the plain bg (will have to ask my friend for it. She always takes pics of what everyone makes), but I turned one into a painting today. Some of the marbling looked like lotus flowers, so I drew some. Then I painted around them to have them stand out better.

wpid-20150619_233026.jpgOne of the other bg’s I made that night was just dots of color. She had also brought along her stamps, including a new face one (for her class the next day). We got to mess with them. I really like that stamp, though cannot picture spending that much on a stamp. I’ll stick to borrowing her’s or drawing my own faces… (the price tag on it was $23, but she uses it for her students, so she can justify it). Anyway, I used that & her poppies. When I got home that night, I decided to play with that page. I thought the poppies would be interesting if I made them out of washi tape. After heading to bed though, I ended up coloring in her eyes with gel pen. I have yet to take another pic of what it looks like now. It’s still a work in progress.

wpid-20150619_124942-1.jpgLastly, TM had given me this Dumbledore quote last week. I wanted to put it somewhere safe, so into the big journal it went. I originally was going to draw a light bulb hanging from a chain, with just a pull chain next to it. The bulb was going to just be the barest hint of being there, with a hand pulling the chain to turn it on, but I wasn’t confident in my ability to pull off the concept as I saw it in my head, so I went with a hand holding a lit match. (The significance of the bulb would have had me too nervous to be able to handle screwing up the picture).

wpid-img_20150619_081344.jpgit was first done in white wax pencil, but I wasn’t satisfied with the look. I added gelatos for color, and I think it looks much better (we will ignore that I forgot to put wax paper between the pages so it got a bit ruined today when I had to peel the stuck pages apart… it’s ok. It’s not that bad. I can live with it. The whole piece is not ruined… I will keep telling myself that until I believe it).

Anyway, those were this weekend’s distractions. Now I have to get back to packing o_O

Oh! I also found the absolute cutest washi tape on clearance at Office Depot yesterday: effalants!

Most of my washi tapes are black, white, or black & white. I think the caution tape was one of 3 that had color. I just had to get this set though. The elephants are totally worth it ❤

don’t know how to allow myself to feel

I was talking to L today for our usual daily chat (coz what else are you going to do when you’ve been 1500 miles apart for the past year and some weeks?), and I managed to get out (without my voice catching, and without having to go silent) that I was trying to come to terms with having to find one of the cats a new home… The words came, then the emotion hit, and that was all I could say about it without tears welling up in my eyes… even just writing it here they are threatening to burst forth, but I’m frantically blinking them away.

We also mentioned that Monday will be my last session with TM. More tears sprung to my eyes, but behaved themselves…

I don’t know how to allow myself to feel this. It’s too heavy and too scary. I still can’t think of leaving mom here by herself without the tears escaping from the confines of my eyes… So I stop the thoughts or the conversations. I switch the topic quickly and efficiently. And I still don’t release any of it. It’s safer to feel bad about losing TM because the level of emotional investment in her is not as great as it is with everything and everyone else. I care about her, she’s safe, I will miss her a lot, but it’s nowhere near the level of overwhelming hurt that comes with everything else.

It all feels like K & T dying again. It’s that huge. It hurts that much (only maybe more, because it’s them being gone, and worry over mom and the dog and cats and house and future and everything…). The safety net that was supposed to always be there is again going away. I feel like that poor bee I tried to rescue from drowning in the ocean several weeks ago. It was so windy & choppy, every time I fished him out, the wind caught him and threw him back into the water. Eventually the waves carried him away and I am assuming he perished… I feel like that little bee after I had fished him out a second time, and before the wind whipped him away again. There’s a sense of relief in knowing I’m getting out of the waves, but I also know it’s pretty windy. I’m holding my breath for the last time I get knocked in and the waves finally take me away from all hope of getting out of the water. I’m afraid it’s going to happen like that. I’m afraid something will finally knock me so far that all the means of finding safety are too far to get to.

I don’t know how to be ok feeling this emotion. Maybe if I felt support around it; maybe if there was a cushion of safety in attempting to deal with the emotion, I might be ok trying it in bits… but there’s no cushion. I will have 2 weeks after my last session with TM to keep it together and keep moving. There won’t be that neutral party to bring me back to a level-head. So I have to maintain it for myself. The only way I know how to do it and still function is to stuff it all away.

So I stuff. I fight the tears and the sadness and the fear. I fight the panic… I’m not sure how well I will manage that on the last drive out of the driveway, but at least I won’t be the one behind the wheel.

This sucks.

um, so getting back to what I was going to post… black pen test for mixed media art & art journals…

There was a question in an art journal fb group about the preferred black pens to use with mixed media and art journals. I’m a visual person, so I rounded up all the pens I have at home and did some tests to show how they work out. It’s certainly not all the ones available, but all the black pens & markers I could find at home.

I used Strathmore mixed media paper. I tested them on Golden brand gesso (creamier), Golden brand heavy gel, and Liquitex Basics gesso (rougher). The far right column was the pens directly on the paper, then (after heat-dried) washed over with a single pass of a soft brush full of water. I put the gessos and gel on fairly thick to the left side of their respective column, and thinner to the right (but only about 1.5″ wide in each column because I wasn’t thinking). It’s too humid for acrylic stuff to dry well here, so the thicker sides were still tacky when I did this. It effects the pen performance; the thinner sides took the pen better. Oh, and I did a last-minute triple-pass of matte medium over 1/2 the pen in the far left column…

The matte medium and water were used to the right of the lines in the individual examples in each column (except the one dedicated water column)…

The inc R2 & MegaBold pens are both dollar store finds…

Sadly, my favorite pen (Scarlet Lime) is no longer available. If anyone finds one that performs like that, with the same deep black, please point me in the right direction! I tried the FudeBall a while back (what was originally recommended to replace the Scarlet Lime), but it just didn’t hook me. In my opinion, it performed a lot like the dollar store pens for a much higher price. I used a friend’s at the time, so it’s not part of this test page. (I was just told that the Pilot Multiball pen and the Pilot BeGreen Recycled Permaball GellRollerball pen (UK) the same as the Scarlet Lime one… Will have to check both out.)

Does any of that even make sense? Hopefully the pics help…

If you have done something similar (or do it in the future), feel free to show & tell in the comments. If you allow, I will move your test up into the body of this post so it’s all in one place. 😉

really? that’s how you found me?

have you ever just browsed your stats to see how people find your blog?

I was casually looking before coming to post an art-related entry, and I stopped in my tracks & did a double-take when I read the only search term used to find me today:

search term used to find my blog

really? That is how you find me? I mean, I’m all for people stumbling onto this blog and maybe finding it helpful, but… ?! sorry to disappoint. nothing even close to any of that here. yes. each of those words, individually, may have been used as tags in my posts, but definitely not together like that… ::sigh::

smh around search engines that pop up blogs like this when people are clearly looking for something else…

seriously though, I’m pretty accepting of individual kink, but try not to harm or traumatized anyone while following your passions. black gay porn? sure, go for it! just leave the dog out of it (though I guess if you get off on watching dogs do it with other dogs, that’s ok, just don’t participate or force anything…). bestiality doesn’t exactly involve consent on the part of the animal, so I can’t condone that. consent and respect are huge deals in the realm of sexual activities.

if it was you, and you kept looking around here, more power to you for being disappointed but plugging on… lol.

WordPress and whatever search engine popped up my blog in response to that search term, you may want to check your algorithms… though I felt the need to add that search phrase into my tags, so now more people looking for that will find me easier, haha… oye!

Letting Your Light Shine – Teens Healing From Abuse

I need to read through this again at a later time, but I really liked the vidualization of the flame for healing from abuse. I think it could be used with a wider range of ages, though the blog specifically talks about using it for adolescents.

Alexandra House Blog

While each individual’s path of healing is unique, this “healing flame” is a visual representation of factors that contribute to healing for youth who have experienced abuse. It has been adapted from Kate Cavett’s Healing Wheel. It starts with the inner flame and grows outward.

Healing Flame “Let Your Light Shine”
Developed by Alexandra House 2014
Adapted from the Healing from Abuse Wheel by Kate Cavett

Naming the Abuse. Identifying abusive experiences and naming them can be the first step to healing. Talking to someone about your experiences in relationships can help you to see them in a new light and to identify what you may have initially thought of as “normal” as actually being harmful or abusive. Talking to a trusted friend or adult begins the journey of breaking through the isolation. The Power and Control Wheel can help.

Finding Safety. Once you have identified and named the abuse, it…

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constant triggers and a perpetual state of flashbacks…

Two years after this post, I am noticing the flashbacks are not as intense all of the time. I have habituated to the triggers to a degree. They are still easily accessed, and still difficult to ground from, but it’s not as much of a confusion of reality anymore (though after reading this post again I find myself slipping back into that feeling-state rather easily. I don’t mean to, it’s just that close to the surface still)…
I’ve certainly dealt with a lot here. Both L and I knew this move would be life-altering in some way, however neither of us knew exactly how. It’s proven to be life-altering on so many levels… L finally escaped the vortex of her draining big-box retail job to find something new. I faced more of the past than I even knew existed… It’s been an eye-opening experience. There’s still a lot to work out around it all though. It’s been over-all positive. I don’t mean the financial worries, the insane depression, the triggers, the flashbacks, or any of that stuff, but it has set both our lives’ onto an adjusted course. Had I not returned and been faced with all of this in a form of unintentional flooding, I don’t think I would have had the breakthroughs I did. I think I would have been struggling with faceless demons for a lot longer. At least now I know what I’m fighting. Now I know what to wade through to be able to come out on the other side…
As stressful as this was, I’m grateful for it. We met wonderful people, learned new things, went places we’ve never been… and I was reminded how much I love the beach ❤

both sides of the wall

In talking to D today, I finally found a way to describe what it feels like to live here again.  We were talking about what is different down here, and how I feel like I can’t ground effectively.  I likened it to lucid dreaming – where you know you are dreaming, but are also lost in the dream.  That’s what it feels like most days (almost always) to be back here.  I have snippets of the past constantly playing out in my head, be it emotions, sensations, or visual flashbacks, there’s always something there.  I am aware that it is memories of the past, but I can’t shake them.  I live alongside them daily.  I am at once 34 and much younger.  I remember sights, sounds, and smells.  I can feel the sensations in my body.  I can tell myself that they are the past.  I am aware that they…

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Following your dreams…

not mine exactly, but the concept of following your dreams…

For almost as long as I can remember (which, admittedly is not all that long), my brother talked about becoming an animator. He kicked ass at art, but hated school. He sucked it up though, and attended a trade school for a degree in 3D animation. He now works at Blue Sky Studios (think the Ice Age series, Rio 1&2, Epic… and now the Peanuts!!). He’s living his dream.

I often told him I was jealous of his abilities. He’s creative and technically sound with his creativity. And he’s super-well-rounded. Heck, his latest “side projects” have included designing & programming a “virtual butler” to automate his cubicle, fabricating survival knives, building a crib for my niece-in-the-works, as well as various other mechanical & technical engineering “dabbles”… I am the stupidest person in my immediate family (I had originally written simply “family”, but I must say I’m miles above bitch). They are all heady & science-minded. My parents read accounting, calculus, law, and quantum physics for fun?!?!!!!… Me? I smear paint on paper and get a headache from anything mathematical. I do have an interest in biology & psych, but neither of those are considered “real” sciences (at least by my father. My mom & bro are cool with it… Hmm, no wonder I like them better 😉 )

Anyway, I digress. The new Peanuts trailer came out recently, and I wanted to share it with you and brag a bit that my very talent brother joins the rest of the very talented Blue Sky team in creating a true-to-2D-but-still-3D rendition of the great Charles Shultz characters. I am so psyched to see this when it comes out. I kinda wish I had put in my resume back in ’12 when they were doing a massive hire, but I didn’t think I’d get anywhere with it. My artistic abilities are squat compared to people who work there… Maybe they would hire me for the front desk? I dunno.  Anyway, I want to see the movie when it comes out in November. (apparently, my brother is a lazy butt and won’t walk to the theater on the other side of the studio to watch it, so you are seeing this even before some of the people who worked on it… to his credit, it is quite a walk. The building is huge and maze-like).

reality is sinking in slowly

I managed some sorting and packing today. I only packed maybe 3 boxes, but there was a bunch more sorting happening. I now have 4 bags plus one box of donations…

My back had it though. I was going to continue, but it put its foot down. I stepped and tweaked something, so I came to have dinner and sit for the evening. It has since stopped twingeing.

I keep having moments of panic around this move. The dogs certainly are feeling anxious. Mom’s dog is incredibly antsy and hyper. The others are starting to pace. Crusher has not been through a move with me, but the other 3 have gone through several… I think mom is also feeling the reality of the move (It’s only like 2.5 weeks away! Que Daffy Duck-esque freak out). There’s just something different about her… I’m trying not to cry too often and too heavily over this. I’m afraid if I let go too much, I will fall completely to pieces. The loss is too compounded and too huge.

I’m also seeing the notation on my calendar that next week is it with TM… 😦 Fuck. I like her. She “gets” me. She’s been able to decode my communication relatively quickly, and she’s up-front about things… She has a way of blending the professional side with the broken side. As much as I’m psyched to be returning to Dr C, I’m sad to be leaving TM. ::sigh::

Ok, gotta do something else now because tears are about to flow uncontrollably. Stuffing in progress…

pushing through

trying not to let my emotions get the best of me today and cause a total melt-down (though I do agree a release of emotion would be beneficial). I let myself tear up a bit earlier (thanks SG for the pep-talk/butt kicking!), but I have not let other things allow me to fall apart.

there are quite a few barriers to this move still, and trying to get them resolved serves to remind me how much I’ve screwed up in life… but I’m working on it. I kept making calls (after a brief pause to collect myself), and I didn’t let that voice that told me over and over again how hopeless and worthless I am win out.

sure, I want to head out to the store, buy a 12-pack of beer, some limes and coconut water, and drown myself in margaritas and beer, but… well, I don’t have the funds. so going to “drown” myself in my art shortly. plugging in my headset, cranking my ipod, and going to breathe through the rest of the day.

Sudden freak-out moment

I was up early this morning. I normally am awake, but in bed for several hours before I actually get up. This morning I physically got out of bed before 6:30am. I sat on the patio with the dogs and drank my coffee… the problem with that though, is the panic over this move and the losses kicked in earlier in the day. I did my online stuff already and it’s not even 10 am. I’ve finished all the distractions that normally get me through to 1 pm… now there’s time to think. I really don’t want to think. I don’t want to remember that everything changes in 3 weeks. I don’t want to remember that next week is my last session with TM. I don’t want to tackle the giant task of sorting things, packing them, and moving them. I don’t want to think about the fact that I feel people see my animals as disposable. I don’t want to be aware of any of the losses or changes coming up… and I don’t want to cry.

I suddenly feel very needy today. I want to be a little kid and not worry about anything, only I’m worried about everything.

Maybe if I get the dogs up-&-at-’em, their craziness will provide a distraction for the time being. I could do mani-pedis and give the little guy the haircut he so desperately needs. Then maybe I can clean out the snake cages I’m hoping to sell before the move… and… I don’t know. Hoping that provides enough distraction and draining to allow this panic to abate.


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Feil Family Brain & Mind Research Institute

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Dear agencies, Cannes You Please Shut Up?

Presenting a repository of ad agencies' finest, most pompous tweets from Cannes Lions

Dear agencies, Cannes You Please Shut Up?If you're a member of adland or attending any session at the ongoing Cannes Lions festival (or have been present at any of them in the past), you will know exactly what this new Tumblr blog -- -- is saying. But before you get excited, let us warn you there are no uncensored pictures of Kim Kardashian or the amorous couple on the red carpet awaiting you here.

But we digress. The blog posts the choicest tweets by agencies at Cannes - the clichéd albeit lofty statements about the future of advertising, digital and of course everyone's favourites, 'Big Data' and 'Storytelling'. Each tweet comes with a sarcastic, saucy and yet hilarious take by the blogger, too. And what's more, readers can post any similar tweets they have come across, this Cannes Lions. Personally, we laughed harder than is considered appropriate.

And before the blogger the blog becomes inactive (Cannes Lions is ending after all), troll a tweet if you like at at and take a screenshot of it (just like that).

Follow and connect with us on , Facebook, Linkedin

Sponsored Stories


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Breath4Life Story

The current Covid-19 crisis puts healthcare systems and resources under intense pressure.

Medical ventilators are a key component of intensive care beds, but at risk of being in limited supply, if and when the current coronavirus pandemic amplifies.

Breath4Life is a voluntary, non-profit, and open-source effort by a distributed team of engineers, doctors, industry players, investors and other disciplines, to design and produce low cost medical ventilators.

On March 17th 2020, the Breath4fLife Initiative started under the impulse of an informal chat about MIT's Open Source Ventilator project (the E-Vent), based on a 2010 idea aiming to produce low-cost ventilators.

In parallel, researchers and doctors were discussing how MedTechs could contribute in supporting the medical effort in Belgium to respond to the epidemic in the country but also potentially elsewhere.

Soon, both groups of actors  met, and the project quickly attracted a network of players from the UCLouvain university ecosystem, determined to act and contribute depending on each contributor’s skills and resources. It grew thanks to the need expressed by the medical professionals.

A multidisciplinary team, with experts from various areas (engineers, doctors, lawyers, experts, etc.) are working together (on a personal basis or mandated by their respective companies) to swiftly create a ventilator that respects the necessary technical specifications, and that  can be produced in large quantities at low-cost (a few hundred euros). The non-profit aspect of the project is maintained throughout all exchanges and discussions.

Prototyping began in the FabLab hosted in OpenHub's Facilities, in Louvain-La-Neuve (Belgium), with full and immediate support from the university. The ventilator will be submitted to a strict test process that is in line with the necessary requirements of producing and using medical equipment. We are currently in touch with federal regulation authorities to fast-track the approval to use and produce the medical device without having to go through the full certification process. After "Flatten the Curve", we need to "flatten the rules".

We also want the result of this action to be as replicable as possible, working under open-source principles. Once released, the first version will be documented on the platform, ensuring that the project can be reproduced anywhere there is a FabLab available.

Contacts are also being made with other ongoing projects in Belgium and elsewhere in order to facilitate and share experience and solutions to the ongoing challenge that this initiative represents.


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BareEnough Sphynx

BareEnough Sphynx Cattery is an LLC. My Cattery is permitted through the County of San Bernardino. I have yearly checks of the Cattery through the Health Dept Veterinary Services.

My Cattery is a safe and healthy Cattery with healthy and well socialized kittens. All kittens are spayed and neutered before leaving.

ALL KITTENS COME WITH: The price includes $500.00 deposit, spay / neuter, up to date on shots , FIV/Felv testing, Micro-chipped, Vet Health check, de-worming , TICA or CFA registration papers, shot record, take home pack , and 12-14 weeks of care of your new baby. Kittens leave litter box trained and socialized with dogs, other cats and children. Take home pack includes: Re-usable Bareenough Sphynx Cattery bag, copy of signed contract, shot record, micro-chip registration card, kitten food samples and the current canned food they are on. Organic Sphynx soaps by Organically Beautiful by JC, toys, plush blanket.

Breed : Lykoi, Sphynx

Province / State / Department : Phelan, California

Country : USA

Breeding since : 2006

Website : http://www.bareenoughsphynx.com/index.html

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/Lykoi-California/

Additional information : Breeders are HCM tested, FELV/fiv tested. All kittens are up to date on shots before they leave Kittens are either CFA or TICA registered.

I offer the delivery service

I offer the export service

  • I do not ship Sphynx. I do ship Lykoi.

Spoken Language : English

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Comment: I have gotten 2 kittens from Jayne, one sphynx and one lykoi. They both are 2 of the healthiest cats I’ve ever had. Jayne has been consistently great to work with, I definitely would recommend her to anyone considering a sphynx or Lykoi.

Comment: I have gotten three family members from Bare Enough Sphynx and Lykoi. We have two sphynx and a lykoi. All three are wonderful, healthy, and have great temperments. Jayne is an exceptional breeder and a great human. She genuinely cares about the well being , health, and homing of each animal she places. I purchased my first kitty in 2014, and my relationship with Jayne has continued to grow. I know I will work with Jayne again when we are ready to grow our family.

Comment: Just recently picked up my sweet lykoi female. She’s beautiful, healthy and full of spunk. Jayne was responsive about any questions I had and gave great advice.

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34,875 Pages

aka Garguntuar

  • I live in A pineapple under the C
  • I was born on December 2
  • My occupation is Trying to find that one stupid LEGO piece in my bin
  • I am Eternally ded inside

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Twists and turns possible in Trevino trial, set to begin Monday

Jeffery Trevino was charged in the death of his wife Kira Steger even before her body was discovered in the Mississippi River. Jury selection in his trial for her disappearance and death is set to begin Monday in Ramsey County District Court. Trevino is charged with two counts of second degree murder.

The Pioneer Press reported that Trevino's defense attorney John Conard has expressed concern that the jury pool for might be "tainted" by media coverage. Attorneys are expected to vet 50 potential jurors.

Kira Steger, 30, disappeared in February. Investigators discovered blood throughout the house in the St. Paul home that she shared with her husband. Her family has said she was preparing to divorce her husband. Trevino, 39, has pleaded not guilty. Conard has said the marriage was ending because Steger was having an affair.

The Star Tribune has reported that Conard said he’s discovered evidence that contradicts authorities’ description of the scene inside the Trevino home.

Trevino’s trial is expected to run three weeks. Conard said Trevino plans to wear civilian clothing during his trial.

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