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Berzerk was an old arcade game released by Stern way back in 1980.

The story

Berzerk was Stern's first real big hit. One of the things that really made this game popular was the fact that it talked to the player. It would have been an even bigger hit if it was not for the simple fact that it shipped with defective joysticks. They used a large optical design that held up fine under testing, but quickly self-destructed once it got a little heavy use out on location. Stern gave away free kits to convert the stick to a standard leaf switch joystick, but it was too late, as nearly 5000 orders had already been canceled.

Two people are known to have died while playing this game. The first was Jeff Dailey, who suffered a heart attack while playing in 1981 (rumor has it that his score was 16,660 points), but I don't believe that. The second death came a year later, when 18 year old Peter Burkowski died of a heart attack in 1982 only seconds after putting his intials into Berzerk's high score table.

The game

Berzerk consists of many levels which are each a single room, populated by robots and walls. Everything is deadly, touching anything (wall, robot, laser shot, your own shot, Evil Otto, etc) will kill you. The object is to shoot all the robots, and then escape out of the room through one of the doorways. You must be quick in your mission, or else Evil Otto will appear (he is a big bouncing happy face, that kills everything that moves). He will move relentlessly towards you, speeding up after all the robots are killed. You cannot kill Evil Otto, you must instead escape to another level.

The robots live by the same set of rules that you do. They will also die if they touch anything at all, including a wall, another robot, Evil Otto, or a blast from your weapon (or even another robot's weapon). You can use this to your advantage by luring the robots into walls, and tricking them into shooting each other (you still get the points anyway). A good player can even manage to make Evil Otto smash the last few robots for him.

You get bonus points if you manage to kill all the robots on the level. This is simple at first, but the game quickly ramps up in difficulty to the point where you are simply trying to shoot a path to the exit (before Evil Otto shows up). It takes a very skilled player to consistantly kill all the robots on the higher levels (I certainly can't do it).

Berzerk speaks to you as you play (and no not a voice in your head type of thing either). It has a voice synthesizer that spouts lots of little phrases like "Stop the Humanoid", "Stop the Intruder", "Intruder Alert", "Chicken! Fight like a Robot", and "The humanoid must not escape". These were done in a monotone computer voice, that was difficult to understand when combined with other in-game sounds. (The voices were actually done using LPC encoding, which cost $1000 per word back in 1980). These phrases were also translated into several European languages for release in Europe.

Good luck in your attempt to beat this game. It has 64,000 levels, at the end of which the game will crash. Not that anyone has ever made it that far in real life.

The Machine

The Berzerk cabinet was the first in a series of cabinets from Stern that had a patented pull out drawer that allowed access to the games circuit boards from the front of the cabinet. (This makes an old Berzerk cabinet excellent for use as a JAMMA cabinet. I am quite sorry that I sold the converted one I used to own).

This title features rather primitive painted sideart that only uses two colors, but it makes up for it with the awesome comic book style art on the control panel and monitor bezel. The marquee is only a "Berzerk" logo, and it kind of looks like something that someone might have done in their high school airbrush class.

Berzerk is technically a monochrome game. It uses a special "color overlay" circuit board to add color to the games graphics before they go to the monitor. A side effect of this is that walking very close to a wall will cause that section of the wall to change to your color.

This title uses a Z80 processor, although it was originally written for the 6809E processor (until someone figured out that the processor didn't work correctly).

There were approximately 40,000 of these machines produced (only about 1000 of them were in cocktail format). But the vast majority of them have been converted, and I haven't seen one out in the wild in over ten years.

A Frenzy boardset will plug right into a Berzerk cabinet with no modification.

Where to play

Berzerk is going to be a hard game to add to your arcade game collection. It is very difficult to find, despite the popularity that it enjoyed in the early 80s. Prices are not that outrageous if you can actually locate a cabinet in the first place.

If you can't locate an actual arcade game then try playing the Atari 2600 version, or using the MAME emulator.

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so I’m not perfect…

I was out for a run with Muppet and came across a lemonade stand- some neighborhood kids raising money for cancer. I was running by at just the right time, with several families approaching the stand. When the kids asked if I wanted lemonade, I regretfully said I didn’t have any money, but I’ll try to come back when I was done with my run.  Just as I was about to take off, I saw you there. My smile brightened with recognition- a fellow professional in my field and a someone who chose my practice for care.  You have a son a few years older than Felix and I was reminded seeing you there that you live in my town! Since I”m not attending births and you work in a different practice, I haven’t seen you in a while- in the past I crossed paths with other OB professionals on the labor floor, a place I don’t often visit these days. Seeing you with your son, gave me pause. We should be friends, I thought.

I stopped and chatted with you, saying hi to your husband and letting your son pet Muppet.  I learned your son had some developmental delays, something I hadn’t known before.  I straight up blurted out- “I need local mommy friends,” a truth so prevalent lately. I find it a little hard to make mommy friends easily… something I’ll elaborate in another post…but since you’re in my professional community, I’m pretty sure you know my story. You know I’ve lost a baby.

You given me your number and tell me how you have a good group of local moms who get together every now and then. You warn me that the moment you say you’re in the OB field, everyone likes to tell you their birth story.  I laugh in total understanding. You roll your eyes and we talk briefly about yours- how you tried so very very hard for a vaginal birth but it just wasn’t in the cards despite everyone’s best efforts. I could see how frustrated you could get hearing other’s stories especially when you felt frustrated with your own. It’s like hearing how someone has a beautiful birth when yours was traumatic. It hurts a little.

And then I blurted out something I wish I hadn’t.  “Well did you hear about Felix’s birth story? How I didn’t make it to the hospital?” You smiled and laughed a little, telling me how you read it in the paper.

I realized shortly after I said it, that I did exactly what you had just said was hard. I told you my birth story. I’m sorry.

I wanted to tell you, that I often blurt out Felix’s story because I can’t so very easily with Mabel’s because no one likes a story that ends with a baby dying. Blurting out his story makes me feel a bit like a normal person. I wanted to tell you that Felix’s birth story is a tribute to Mabel, because there is no way he would have come so fast had he not been my second child. I wanted to tell you that when I learned your son had some delays, I felt a small kinship with you because Mabel would have had delays too and I imagine parenting a child with special needs is especially hard, but it’s just what you do, isn’t it? I wanted to tell you I shared Felix’s story with you because I assumed you knew about Mabel.

In that brief exchange we had, I am reminded that I am not perfect and sometimes says things I wish I hadn’t. It was a good reminder that others do the same and to give them a little leeway.

Have you ever said something you regretted? Do you hold yourself to a high standard of always saying the right thing?

Damned if I do….

October 2013- that was the last I had seen her.  I knew because that was the date on the last note I had written.

You had a baby! Congratulations!

Thank you, I smiled warmly.

So much has happened since I was here last!

Yes- a lot has happened. The emphasis in my words hinted at a hidden story…

Well now you really know what it’s like, huh? she jested, referencing my my former life as a midwife who hadn’t given birth, who didn’t have kids yet.

My heart beat a little faster and my head spun a little- it was the shadow of a feeling I used to know very well, in the early days.  I used to tense up- heart racing, palms sweating, chest tightening- when someone would ask “How’s the baby?” or “Do you have kids?” It’s a feeling of fear, grief, sadness, anger all mixed up, when asked a question I wasn’t quite sure how to answer.  It was a feeling of anticipation- wondering how the other person would react, how to tell of my daughter without making the situation overly awkward.

Now the situation has changed. The tense feeling has softened.  She didn’t ask if he was my first.  There was no question to respond to.  It was all assumption.  The only way she could know the whole story was if I volunteered the information, something I have yet to master in a way that feels good. I wanted to say. I sure do! Two kids since I’ve seen you last! But doing so would only lead to follow up questions- how old is your first... I’d share that she had died and the requisite polite words or unhelpful platitudes would come. And it would feel like I’m fishing for sympathy.

I chose the path of least resistance-maybe not an outright lie but a lie of omission almost. It didn’t feel great.

Not telling the whole story felt wrong, telling the whole story felt wrong.  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

what do you do?

June 22, 2015

A few warnings…

  • *potential trigger* This is Felix’s birth story
  • It’ll probably take you longer to read my birth story than it took for the actual birth story to happen. I didn’t want to forget a thing.
  • I don’t skimp on details, gross or not.  Take heed if you’re squeamish.

I first started feeling contractions in the late afternoon/early evening. They didn’t faze me because I had very similar contractions the previous weekend and they went away. Plus I was early- 36 weeks and 6 days. This baby had no issues, s/he would likely come closer to the due date. I had already discussed a plan with my midwives. I really preferred not to be induced, plus I had no medical indication for induction, but I knew my anxiety would start skyrocketing as we approached my due date. I also knew that birth doesn’t always go as planned (a lesson learned by my patients and with Mabel) and so I didn’t have many specific wishes on my list when it came to labor and birth this time. I knew these things:

  1. I didn’t want to go past 41 weeks (and there’s medical reason to be induced then)
  2. I wanted my midwives to sweep my membranes starting at 39 weeks, and they agreed. I had two appointments scheduled back to back to do so (and I was going to have my midwife friends I work with give it a go too! I knew I’d be wiling to have practically anyone get their fingers up and in there if it got things started naturally)
  3. I wanted the gas! I wanted to try to avoid the epidural this time. I had one with Mabel, which I still have mixed feelings about. As a midwife, I had some expectations of myself- believing I could have had a drug free childbirth. And under different circumstances I probably could have. I console myself, reminding me that birthing a child that would likely die changes everything. Expectations go out the window. BUT this time, expecting a child that would live, I hoped to avoid it- to prove to myself that I could do it. I’d accept nitrous oxide because to me it felt like a minor intervention- and it was NEW at our hospital. I frankly wanted to know what it felt like so I could tell people. I made it clear to anyone who would listen- I wanted the gas! I even had the consent form in my purse so there would be no delays!

And that’s about it. Seemed reasonable. I also thought this labor would be longer than Mabel’s. My midwives warned me it would likely be fast, because Mabel was fast for a first baby. But I thought otherwise- this was going to be a bigger baby, likely 8-10lbs if I went to my due date and I thought the size would make the labor longer (ignoring the general obstetric knowledge that second babies usually come FAST).

So when I started contracting, I thought little of it. They weren’t painful- I called them pressure contractions. I felt them in my butt as pressure that was somewhat uncomfortable but not debilitating. I was still able to function- walk and talk. I went grocery shopping, cooked and ate dinner, watched tv. Chris said occasionally I’d shift and make a small groan for a second but he wasn’t concerned either. At one point while watching tv, I downloaded an app to time them. They seemed regular and I was just curious how frequently they were coming. After hitting the button a bunch of times I looked at the app and saw they were basically 2 minutes apart. And then I stopped timing. When I relayed this story to a friend, she asked “why did you stop???” Because the timing of the contractions wasn’t going to make me call my midwives- I needed to be in pain as well. When they became painful- unbearable- that’s when I’d call. I also knew if I called them at that point (regular but just pressure), we would all agree that I was either dehydrated from the earlier road race (likely) or at most was in early labor and I should drink water and call when I was in pain. So I was my own midwife and drank water- and a glass of wine (a well known obstetric trick to stop contractions). After a second episode on Netflix, I decided I was ready for bed.

I fell asleep with the help of unisom (what I would usually take after a day of intense exercise- because the bone pain would be so uncomfortable I needed some help to sleep somewhat through the night.) I dropped into sleep pretty easily, woke an hour later to pee and fell back asleep again. It is also well know that you don’t sleep through labor- so I knew I wasn’t in real labor yet.

I remember waking up at one point with an intense pressure contraction in my butt- intense enough to put my on my hands and knees and breathe through it. Though when it was over, I fell right back asleep. It happened a second time (how many minutes later? I have no idea- I didn’t even open my eyes to look at the clock to time them) and this time Chris heard me and asked if I was ok.

“Yup. I’m fine. Go back to sleep”

And so he rolled over was snoozing pretty quickly. After it was done, I did the same.

The third time it happened I felt a little pop and small gush of fluid.

I was instantly brought back to when I first noticed bloody show with Mabel. At the time I cried “I’m not ready!” I had such similar feelings this time, though this time for some different reasons- I had a bunch of work deadlines July 1, which was over a week away and so I truly wasn’t ready. We hadn’t installed the carseat or packed a hospital bag. And in truth, though sometimes I would admit to wanting to hang up my pregnant belly for a few hours, I wasn’t done being pregnant. I loved having a big belly and being publically pregnant. I was so busy with my two jobs that I hadn’t mindfully spent time bonding with the baby or nesting.

I stood up out of bed and said to Chris, “I think my water just broke.” Not having had the experience with Mabel since she had no fluid, I still was hoping the little pop and little gush was just discharge or something. But then I felt a huge gush while standing up. “Yup. It did, “ I affirmed.

Chris jumped out of bed. “Ok! What do we do?”

“Nothing,” I said blandly, “we wait for labor,” knowing that since I was GBS negative, the water seemed clear and I wasn’t in pain, my midwives would say call in the morning or when I’m contracting up a storm. (That’s essentially what is stated in their written directions- so I wasn’t taking too many liberties with myself, just simply following the instructions). “wait- what time is it? That’s important.”

“1:45” Chris said, looking at the clock.

Before I waddled into the bathroom to clean myself up, I looked at Chris and said somewhat sadly, “I’m not ready.”

“It’ll be ok,” he reassured me.

While in the bathroom, I shouted to Chris “Remind me to change my top! I don’t want to go to the hospital in this bra.” I was wearing a old sports bra and wanted a newer one, frankly, to look nicer in those laboring and immediate post birth photos I imagined. I always thing of the green striped sports bra as Mabel’s because it’s in all the photos I have with us together. I even thought that might be the one I wanted to wear.

But a moment later I was forgetting all about what I was wearing. As I stood over the toilet, the first real contraction hit like a brick.

It. Was. Blinding.

With Mabel, I had early labor that quickly morphed into active labor within two hours. There was a rev-up period, where each contraction got a bit stronger and stronger. This time was different. This contraction was off the charts.

I’m going to need an epidural. I thought. I knew I had SO MANY more contractions to go and if they were that bad, I would need real pain relief. As it began to subside, I started sweating profusely- so much so that the floor was getting wet and slippery. Chris grabbed me a fan and plugged it in and then retrieved some ice packs for my neck and forehead.

After it left, I sat back down on the toilet, emptying myself- figuring my active bowel was part of the start of labor. I felt nauseous so Chris found me a trash can to vomit in, remembering how I threw up all the sushi and ice cream we ate before I went into labor with Mabel.

After what felt like seconds later, another contractions hit. I stood to withstand the pain, letting moans rise up from somewhere deep inside me. Chris says I’m noisy in labor and he’s right. At the peak of the contraction, I literally thought I’d pass out from the pain. As it began to leave I thought:

I want to call my midwives! This pain is so bad! But I can’t call my midwives. I’ve only had two contractions. No one calls after two contractions. Especially not a midwife.

The third contraction hit and the room was a blur.

How am I going to get into the car? I can’t even move. How will I survive the thirty minute drive to the hospital? I was thinking how I still had hours to go before birth. It seemed impossible.

As the fourth contraction peaked and released, I looked at Chris and grunted “Call! Midwives!” I was done. This was just too much! I put embarrassment aside and called my midwives after ten minutes of labor.

When Chris got the answering service, the operator asked what was happening. I heard him say calmly, “My wife broker her water,” and I quickly interrupted him, yelling.

“no- I’m in LABOR!”

I knew that getting the message about water breaking might not seem urgent, but labor would get a quicker call back. Luckily, the operator just transferred him directly to my midwife- the same one who delivered Mabel, in fact. Chris put her on speaker.

“What’s happening?” she asked.

“Well, Meghan’s broke her water, “ Chris started to tell the midwife the details about the timing and how my contractions started just after.

I interrupted again with the next contraction.

“I’m puuuushing and I feel the head!” I had reached between my legs and felt the hard tip of a baby’s head and found myself involuntarily grunting and bearing down.

“Chris, you need to call 911,” my midwife instructed him. Apparently this was only the second time ever in her career she instructed a patient to do so. She had him keep her on speak and he went to the bedroom to grab his phone and dial emergency services. While he was walking back to the bathroom, I called out.

I felt the head coming. I had two thoughts as the pressure of the head pushed against my skin. First I wondered if I should get in the bathtub- would it be easier/cleaner to deliver the baby there? I didn’t take into account the fact that I had been physically unable to move an inch due to the pain. The second thought I had was which way I should flex the head. As midwives, when we deliver babies, we often put a little pressure on the head in one direction to flex it- making the diameter of the head a tiny bit smaller and hopefully reducing tearing. I put my hand on the head as it crowned- trying to flex it (in retrospect- I was flexing it the wrong way! Hah!)

Chris heard my call and rushed in juggling the two phones trying to get 911 on speaker.

“What can I do?” he asked me.

In a voice I didn’t recognize as my own I said to him “CATCH! BABY!”

And with that final word, I felt a slippery wet little being slip from me as my skin tore. As I stood over the toilet, unmoved from when I first entered the bathroom, I instinctively put one hand between my legs from the front and one from the back, like I was dribbling a basketball between them, and caught my baby as he slipped from me.

“Eh! Eh!!” my baby squeaked, announcing his safe arrival.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” I laughed, unbelieving that the pain was over and I actually had a live, squirming baby in my arms- one that breathed!

Chris handed me a towel and I wrapped the baby in it as I sat back on the toilet, still in shock. I suddenly had a realization and I held my baby away from me, looking down.

“It’s a boy!” I said, laughing again. My instincts were right the whole time.

“What’s his name?” my midwife chimed in.

“Felix. Felix Odom,” we told her.

Chris asked what else we should be doing.

“Nothing! He’s crying which is a good sign. And I’m sure Meghan is holding him skin to skin.”

I looked at Chris, eyes wide, and quickly brought my baby to my chest. I had been holding him away, mesmerized at his little body and boyhood, that I forgot abut the first thing we do after birth. I held him skin to skin after hearing my midwife’s words and Chris brought me a dry towel to keep him warm.

Moments later we heard a female voice calling, “Hello?” from downstairs. At some point Chris had run down and unlocked the front door, as instructed by the 911 operator.

“We’re up here,” Chris shouted and we were shortly joined by Gretchen, one of our local town cops. At first I thought she was an EMT- her uniform looked more like that of an EMT than a police officer. It wasn’t until later that I learned she was an officer.

The EMTs soon followed and began telling me what would happen next.

“Well, first we’ll cut the cord and then you have this thing called your placenta…”

My midwife was still on speaker phone on the counter right by my ear. “Meghan,” she instructed softly, “tell them you’re a midwife.”

I hesitated, worried what everyone there would think- this midwife trying to have a homebirth on her own.

I looked up at the EMTs and officer and said sheepishly, “I’m a midwife. But I didn’t mean for this to happen!” I explained how I wanted the gas- our hospital recently instituted nitrous oxide (or laughing gas) as a method of pain relief (those who watch Call the Midwife might be familiar with “gas and air”). I reaaaallly wanted to know what it felt like and be able to tell my patients and colleagues. I had even procured the consent form ahead of time and was carrying it around in my purse so I could have it as soon as possible in the birthing room.

I then took the lead in my bathroom-birthing room. The EMTs handed the cord clamps to the cop who was closest to me and I showed her where to place them as I milked the cord. “I’d like my husband to cut the cord,” I instructed. The EMTs handed a scalpel to chris, letting him know which was the sharp end, much to his chagrin. And with a little swipe of the scalpel, my son became his own entity. I was able to lift him up (his cord was short and so I couldn’t lift him too high until then) and really see him.

As I held him, the EMTs were bustling in the hall- doing I don’t know what- and I made small talk with the cop.

“Is he your first?” she asked

“My second.”

And then she asked a question that made me respect her even more. “Oh, where is your first?” A good police officer, ensuring the safety of everyone!

“She died last year.”

She relayed the appropriate “I’m sorry” and I said the first of many “And so we are so lucky to have him”s

Soon enough I realized my placenta was ready to come- I felt the telltale signs: gushes of blood, cord lengthening, pressure. I looked at the cop and said,

“I’m ready to deliver my placenta now. Can you help?”

I saw a glimpse of panic and excitement in her eyes, but she said okay in her calm, officerly way. I explained that I was going to stand up and push and have her catch the afterbirth, but we needed something for her to catch it in. I asked for a chucks pad, but the paramedics were insistent on a bowl. I found this humorous as the traditional way to catch a placenta is in a bowl. I was even symbolically given a “placenta bowl” when I went off to integration in midwifery school. So after the paramedics became intimately acquainted with my kitchen cabinets, a bowl appeared (funnily not the midwifery school placenta bowl”, and the police officer caught my placenta in a chucks pad, as I requested and then it was put into the bowl. Everyone was happy.

The paramedics then helped me into a chair contraption to carry me down stairs and on my front step they transferred me onto a stretcher. Wrapped in a sheet, I was loaded into the ambulance to be transferred to the hospital.

As I sat on the stretcher, my baby boy skin to skin in my arms, I realized that I was still wearing that ratty sports bra. It was the only thing I didn’t want to wear to the hospital and lo and behold it turned out to be the ONLY thing I actually wore to the hospital.

In the ambulance, I reminded them to take me to my preferred hospital, since it was 20 minutes farther than the closest one and where my midwife would be waiting. The paramedic reached for IV supplies and I stopped him.

“Is that for an IV?” I asked. Once he nodded, I said, “I’m going to respectfully decline, thank you.” My midwife’s last words on the phone to me were to remind them to take me to the right hospital and that I could refuse an IV if I wanted. Her patient population often forgoes an IV in labor because there isn’t really a reason for one unless there is a medical need (like pain medication, Pitocin, high risk issues, etc). Both of us chuckled later, thinking how I probably shouldn’t have refused, being that I was known to be anemic and had a precipitous (ie extremely fast) birth, both are good reasons for an IV because of risk of hemorrhage. Luckily, I was stable, and also happy that I was IV free.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I was greeted with familiar faces, those of nurses I have worked with for years, despite not having delivered babies for a year and a half. I saw the look on the face of my nurse, a sarcastically funny woman who I had seen grow from a new nurse to one in charge.

“Meg…” she began, calling me by my shortened name that a few people use.

“I didn’t mean to!” I cut her off. “I really didn’t! I was asleep! I woke up and 15 minutes later he was here!” I knew that my story would cause much of my community to think I waited too long- tried to do most labor at home and then it got too late. “I wanted the gas!” I told her.

As my midwife examined me, I told her and the nurse the whole story. I was supposed to have an appointment with that midwife two days later. I told her I had the consent form for nitrous oxide in my purse and was going to give it to her at my next visit. As my midwife put in some stitches, she offered me gas for pain relief, but I declined. I had wanted to see what it did for labor and now that my baby was here I didn’t want to be affected. I opted for the traditional lidocaine. I had a bigger tear than with Mabel, unsurprising because of Felix’s fast entry into the world and his weight. At the hospital we learned, weighing in at 7lbs 3oz, he was almost 2 pounds bigger than Mabel.

As the repair was under way, I asked my nurse which other nurses were on the floor. She told me and when I heard one name, I lit up. “Is she busy? Can you tell her to come by and say hi?”

When I was put all back together, the second nurse popped her head into the room, beaming. We laughed together as I told her the story. And then we took a photo, me, Felix and her. I felt warmed that Felix could meet Mabel’s nurse.

Thank you nurses and midwives

This week is a big week in my healthcare world.  It is Nurses’ Appreciation Week and tuesday was International Day of the Midwife.  In honor of both celebrations, I wanted to thank my beloved nurses and midwives.

Dear Nurses,

thank you for bringing some laughter into my triage room as we waited for the maternal fetal medicine doctor to come and give me terrible news.

Thank you for being the protector of my privacy- making sure I was ready for visitors in the midst of emotional turmoil.

Thank you for telling me about the “secret menu” the hospital offers where I can order quesadillas and pork bacon.

Thank you for sitting and chit chatting during my two week stay, keeping me sane and reminding me that things were happening beyond the fetal monitor I was trying not to watch.

Thank you for watching that fetal heart rate monitor so I could have the freedom just to be pregnant, knowing my baby was safe.

Thank you not commenting on how ridiculous i must have looked in in my sleeping outfit- it was just too hot to wear pants even though I knew you’d be coming in to readjust the monitor.

Thank you cheering me along in my in hospital exercise regimen.

Thank you agreeing to be my labor nurse, knowing my case would be emotionally hard and would likely sit in your memory for a long long time.

Thank you for taking photos of Mabel’s birth- not in your job description, but so meaningful to me.

Thank you for watching my baby in my stead, while she was whisked away to the NICU and I got my stitches.

Thank you for repeating everything the neonatologist said, right after he left because I could barely process it all.

Thank you for getting Mabel skin to skin with me for as long as humanely possible.

Thank you for the footprints, in ink and in clay, that turned out amazing, all done while she was on my chest.

Thank you for making sure she wasn’t in pain.

Thank you for taking out her breathing tube, gently, allowing me a first good glimpse of my daughter’s face free from medical equipment.

Thank you for taking photos, during her life and her death and in the after.

Thank you for feeding me, which I needed direly, but was unable to recognize myself.

Thank you for being present but unobtrusive.

Thank you taking her gently when I gave her up that very last time.

Thank you for giving me peace and solitude to sleep and to grieve in the hours after I gave her up.

Thank you for coming to her wake, taking me for walks, bringing me food in the aftermath.

Thank you for being part of it all and keeping her safe, in pregnancy, in labor and in the NICU.

Dear midwives,

Thank you for all the extra care

Thank you each for calling and checking in when we got the news about Mabel’s Down Syndrome.

Thank you for letting me make tons of extra visits to help keep me sane.

Thank you for letting me use my appointments as mini therapy sessions

Thank you listening for a heartbeat first thing, so I knew she was still alive, before doing the rest of the visit

Thank you for having the hard conversations with me- the ones that were hard for me and hard for you.

Thank you for being honest, saying “I don’t know,” when I asked how I was supposed to return to midwifery if my baby died.

Thank you for giving me the few things I had hoped for- skin to skin, Chris cutting the cord and announcing gender (if he could figure it out!).

Thank you coming to meet her in the few hours she lived- so that you are part of the proof that she actually existed.

Thank you for her dress, an outfit given with love and purpose, the only outfit she worse outside her grave.

Thank you for eating wings with me, bringing me cabbage leaves for engorgement and looking at photos in the aftermath, reminding me that you are not only my midwives, but my friends.

Thank you for the donations you made in Mabel’s memory

Thank you for the lilac bush that you gave me because you know purple is my favorite.  It’s beginning to bloom right now.

Thank you for remembering dates- due dates and anniversaries.

Thank you for saying her name, easily and freely, just like she was any old living child.

Thank you for keeping her safe in my womb and alive in memory.

Work update!

I have a new job!

I still have my old job too.

Since I returned to work I’ve been seeing patients in the office 4 days a week, the fifth day is a day of appointments- therapist, chiropractor, acupuncture and general mental well being. I took a significant pay cut to work this schedule, one that kept me out of the hospital, and I am thankful that my practice was able and willing to accommodate me. But the “(when) will I go back to births” question always hung over my head. When I first asked to be an office-only midwife, I left the door open to return to birth, but with no time line. I still like having that option, but my practice needed something a little more definite. I honestly thought I’d be back by the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) so I could repay my co-midwives for unexpected holiday time they put in for me last year. But I soon realized that goal was unrealistic. It caused me a lot of stress to even hear my co-midwives even talk about holidays and schedule, knowing they had more to do because of my absence from the hospital. When the topic came up at our winter midwife meeting, I conveniently had to use the bathroom at that moment. In addition, my practice wanted to know whether they should hire another midwife to replace me or if I’d be back soon. Well I finally was able to give them an answer.

As of April first I took on a part time position as Program Director for Hope After Loss, my local non profit helping those who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. The organization runs peer-led pregnancy and infant loss support groups in four towns, does outreach and education to hospitals, medical providers and anyone who asks, and provides burial or cremation financial assistance to those who cannot afford it for their babies.

Taking on this new position means I plan to remain in the same capacity at my other midwife job- no call. I gave them the go-ahead. Hire another midwife! Takes a huge burden of guilt off my shoulders. I know my colleagues are sad to hear I’m not doing birth in the near future and I’m sad too- there are some things I miss about it, certainly the hospital staff I almost never see anymore! But I know I’m not ready. Some may call it avoidance, but I call it self-preservation. I need to still work on enjoying midwifery in the office and finding fulfillment there before I can return to joyful birth in a place that holds so many memories for me.

This wonderful new part time position has kept me a busy bee these past few weeks, hence my absence from the blogosphere.  But my dear friends, I have missed you!  And I”m trying to be back.  I have much to tell.

Words of Advice from Baby Loss Moms

At the end of my talk to my local midwifery students, I gave them a handout, that speaks volumes.  You may recognizes some words, because they were simply taken from the comments section in response to my question of what would you like midwifery students to know about baby loss.   Feel free to comment if you have more advice to give! Here is the handout:

Words of Advice from Baby Loss Moms

“Video clips of ultrasounds meant so much to me and I would have like a recording of my daughter’s heartbeat if they could have given me one. At the time I didn’t know it those would be my only memories of her. I appreciated when my doctors were honest but sensitive.” -mother of Caroline, carried to term after a Trisomy 13diagnosis, who lived for 58 days.

“I think they didn’t tell me anything because they had no clue what was going on themselves and wanted to wait until they had more info- but, that choice made things much worse!!!! Talk to the patient, you have to talk them through what’s going on, you have to tell them. Also: if there’s a chance a baby might not make it, you have to prioritize letting the parents see the baby while working out the logistics. I didn’t get to see my kid until after he was gone. I even asked but was told it was too complicated. That’s still absolutely devastating to me, and probably always will be….One other thing: I was given the choice to go to private room on postpartum, or to a different floor. I really appreciated having a choice.” –mother of Sacha who died day after birth from unexpected brain tumor

“Perinatal loss can be such an “ambiguous loss”. It was so validating to see everyone reinforce that he really was a real baby (a concept that almost all brand-new mothers struggle to comprehend at the moment of birth).” –mother of Sacha who died day after birth from unexpected brain tumor

“Even if the death occurs later, call or write or visit the parents. We so appreciated that one of our midwives and her intern were able to make it to the ceremony we held for Paul. But a call would have been just as meaningful…. If applicable, invite the parents to share a photo of their baby for the baby photo board or book.”mother of Paul who died unexpectedly a few weeks after birth

“And for subsequent pregnancy: if you need to discuss the death of the previous baby, give notice in advance so the parents can prepare (especially if you need them to tell their story, or to dig into traumatic events). Also I was offered a viability scan I didn’t “need” but that was really reassuring.” mother of Paul who died unexpectedly a few weeks after birth

“With miscarriage (or infant death in general I suppose), even if there is ‘something wrong’ with the baby that you can prove with genetic testing, no one should ever say ‘It’s OK- the baby had a problem anyway.’ I’ve noticed a lot of pregnancy books use this kind of logic, and it’s bad. We don’t throw out people or stop caring about them because they’re sick, so what are we supposed to feel better that our baby that died wasn’t perfect, and that caused his death?” –mother of Serphim, who died of Potter’s Syndrome five hours after birth

“Encourage parents to hold, kiss, love, bathe their baby… If you’re uncomfortable handling a dead baby, please ask one of your colleagues to take over. This was our only negative experience with the staff- and it felt awful to have someone reject our precious babies. Remember that these parents need your care, support, love perhaps more than anyone else on the floor.” –mother of A&C, twins who died after PPROM at 20 weeks.

I was that woman, sitting in the OB office following my 19 week anatomy scan when the midwife came in with a student and very coldly and matter-of-factly started to explain the slight anomaly found on ultrasound. When I started to cry the midwife offered little support and I could tell she was busy and I think she really believed the finding was nothing major and that I was over-reacting. It was the student who came back into the room alone and sat with me, let me cry, and explained what was going on as best as she could.   So my advice to your students is that there will be days in clinic when you are busy and running behind and stressed, and these are the days when you might have to break bad news to a patient (or several patients), and your pager might be going off, and your receptionist might be reminding you that you have 3 patients in the waiting room, and you will probably have a huge stack of papers on your desk that need to be reviewed… but in that moment, for that patient- your time and presence is what she needs most.” –mother of Clara, carried to term after a Trisomy 18 diagnosis and born still at 36 weeks

“It might be tempting to let the parents know that their loss isn’t a big deal compared to what other people go through, but that can be very disturbing to the grieving parents. Don’t tell them it was nature’s way of getting rid of damaged goods. It was their baby. They loved that baby and would have done anything to save it. To you, it was a blighted ovum, or a common Trisomy problem, or ‘barely even a positive’ – but to that family it was precious and beloved. The loss is still very real no matter how unformed the physical person may have been.” –mother to baby lost to miscarriage

“Our nurse hung a doorsign of a baby in an incubator on our door so that those entering my postpartum room would know that we had a NICU baby. That was great as it eliminated any too-cheerful questions. However at my six week postpartum checkup, the doctor didn’t know my baby had died.” –mother of Anderson, born at 24 weeks who lived for 26 days

“Cyr, take photographs- YES. And remember, you can never tell a loss mom that her baby is too beautifulm too perfect, too special and too unique. She will never hear this as her child grows. Give her a lifetime of school picture Oohing and Aahing in the short time you have with her. Use the baby’s name.” –mother of Anderson, born at 24 weeks who lived for 26 days

“I was pregnant with our 2nd baby and had our first u/s at 9 weeks. They couldn’t find a heartbeat. I t was hard and still is. I recall the u/s tech saying ‘oh I just know you’ll be back in 3 months pregnant again!!!” She was just so hopeful. But that’s not what I wanted to hear. I needed to honor THIS baby and THIS loss. So overall, I just wanted the midwife team to honor the present and respect what we are going through at the moment.” –mother of baby lost through miscarriage

“To make sure parents have all mementoes of their baby that they would like; to make sure parents know they have no been ‘cast adrift’ from the unit- you become so close to staff whil your baby is being cared for going home is like an estra wrench on tope of the loss of your baby; to make sure parents know how to access counseling. I would also add a couple points about traumatic birth- whether it’s something like PPH or an illness such as preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome- that mums know where to get information about what happened to them and why, and how to access support/forums/debrief about the birth.” –mother of Hugo, born at 24 weeks and lived for 35 days

What more do you have to add?

The hospital

The hospital. Saying the words, envisioning the building puts my stomach in knots.

My practice has a Monday morning meeting at the hospital. It used to be every week, but in the past few months it’s morphed into a once a month affair. We gather as a group of docs and midwives and talk about protocols and patients, ensuring we are all on the same page. Aside from the 7am start time, I have traditionally enjoyed the meetings. I like having clinical conversations with my colleagues- we sometimes debate and I almost always learn something. I also think it’s good care for our patients- getting fresh eyes on complicated cases, allows everyone to give suggestions on how best to care for our patients. And on top of it all, I enjoy the company. My practice has four offices in different towns and the hospital on top of them, and we are spread among each location- so I am lucky if I interact with one of my colleagues on a daily basis. Even when we are in the same office, our schedules are quite crammed so there is not much time for catch up or small talk. So Monday morning meeting is a chance for us to see each other and catch up for a minute.

The meeting takes place on one of the maternity floors in the hospital, in a spare conference room. It’s the floor on which I spent two weeks while pregnant with Mabel. During my hospitalization I was allowed about an hour off the monitor a day and one Monday I decided to use that hour to go to Monday morning meeting. I popped in wearing my “nicer” hospital clothes (yoga pants instead of pjs) and sat as my colleagues discussed work. It was good to see them- I had seen many of them while I was there- if they were working they would often stop by my room for a quick snack and a chat, but it was comforting to see them altogether.

The meeting holds new meaning for me. It takes place in the building where my daughter died. It’s on the floor where I spent the last good moments of pregnancy and where I returned to my room empty handed. After Mabel died.

We had a Monday morning meeting this week. I went once before- in September. I felt I needed to, as we had just hired a new doc and midwife. But I skipped October- I didn’t want to go. The thought of the place causes a painful physical response and frankly, I was not up to the task. But this week, I needed to go- there was a clinical issue I needed to discuss (how to care for pregnant patients on methadone). So I skipped my usual Monday morning exercise class and headed in. I parked on the street because my usual hospital parking is in accessible- my ID doesn’t work for the parking garage and I haven’t gotten around to fixing it. As I walked closer to the door, my heartrate sped up and I felt that familiar pain in my chest and stomach. I regulated my breathing and made sure to look at the funny rabbit and carrot decoration that sits in the revolving door to the children’s hospital. The carrot gave me some comfort. But when I hit the doors to the maternity floor, I could feel the tears coming. Before heading into the conference room for the meeting, I had to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes to have a good cry.

I wouldn’t call it a panic attack- I know enough about them to know that’s not it. I simply identified my response as grief, simple grief. This place is so sad for me now. It also represents mountain I need to climb. The hospital represents birth- normal birth for most people, a usual happy occasion, and if I ever want to be a full scope midwife I will eventually nee to climb that mountain and welcome normal birth again. I am far far from that place.

My doctor called my response- a reaction to trauma. The term didn’t quite sit well with me at first. People have trauma when they go through sudden, unexpected events- emergency c-sections, stillbirth, prematurity. My daughter’s death was in some way expected. I should have been prepared. I often feel I don’t have the same right to claim trauma like those who were totally caught off guard do. My doctor encouraged me to accept her definition of trauma- that it doesn’t have to be sudden; it can be long and drawn out. Death, a life-changing event, whether expected or not can be traumatic. So I’m working on accepting that- apparently it’s necessary to do in order to move forward in my grief.

How do you view the hospital/doctor’s office? Are they traumatic for you at all?

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Neil Jacobstein

Chair of Artificial Intelligence & Robotics, Singularity University

Neil jacobstein

Chair of Artificial Intelligence & Robotics, Singularity University

Neil Jacobstein chairs the Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Track at Singularity University on the NASA Research Park campus in Mountain View California. He served as the former President of Singularity University.

Neil is a Distinguished Visiting Scholar in the Stanford University Media X Program, where his research focuses on augmented decision systems. He Chaired AAAI’s 17th Innovative Applications of Artificial Intelligence Conference, and continues to review technical papers for IAAI.Â In 2016, he became a founding member of the editorial board of AAAS Science Robotics. Neil has served as a technical consultant on AI research and development projects for DARPA, NSF, NASA, NIH, EPA, DOE, the U.S. Army and Air Force, GM, Ford, Boeing, Applied Materials, NIST, and other agencies. He was CEO of Teknowledge Corporation, a pioneering AI company, where he worked on AI applications systems for industry and government. He worked as a graduate research intern in Alan Kay’s Learning Research Group at Xerox’s Palo Alto Research Center (PARC), and was a consultant in PARC’s Software Concepts Group. He is a Henry Crown Fellow at the Aspen Institute. He has moderated Aspen Institute Socrates Programs on the technical and ethical implications of advanced technologies, and he coaches Socrates moderators.

Neil is deeply interdisciplinary and has a keen sense of how the arts and sciences can integrate. Since 1992, he has served as Chairman of the Institute for Molecular Manufacturing, a 501c3 nanotechnology R&D organization. Neil contributed to the 2005 National Academy of Sciences workshop on the feasibility of molecular manufacturing, and the 2007 Foresight Roadmap for Productive Nanosystems. He is the primary author of the Foresight Guidelines for the responsible development of nanotechnology. Neil is in demand as an engaging speaker who can make complex topics clear to diverse audiences. He has given invited talks worldwide on the technical, business, and ethical implications of exponential technologies, such as AI, robotics, and atomically precise manufacturing. He is a member of AAAS, AAAI, IEEE, and ACM. Neil has served in a variety of executive and technical advisory roles for industry, nonprofit, and government organizations.

View More Exponential Medicine Faculty

Exponential Medicine brings together top experts to inform medical leaders how technology is impacting business. View the full list of 2018 faculty:


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A Scrapbook Layout with GossamerBlue April Main Kit

Hello. It's Eunyoung here with a 8.5 x 11 scrapbook layout. I created a scrapbook layout for my cat. I used the April Main Kit. You can see how pretty the April Main Kit is with my page.
I adopted a cat in Februry. We called her "Hongcha". It's Korean and it means a black tea. When I was naming hers, I received a gift for a black tea (Je t'Aime of Ninas). The tea tastes sweet. I hope she will be happy & sweet with my family. It is beacuse that I named her name ''Hongcha".

After I arranged a photo, die-cuts and label stickers on a white cardstock, I did machine stitching on die-cuts & label stickers. I often use machine stitching on die-cuts as an embellishment. I added them with a pop-dots & glue dots for 3D effect. I added a title using a wood word from Main Kit.
I stamped a date of her arriving home and added her name on label stickers with alphabet thickers. I finished to embellish with puffy stickers. What do you think of my cat scrapbooking? I hope you enjoy it and it'll inspire your creation!!! Thank you for stopping by.

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How To Choose The Right Shampoo And Conditioner For Your Hair

Mohini Banerjee

Published  31 Oct 18

Having the correct shampoo and conditioner in your hair care arsenal is a must. If you are confused about how to choose shampoo and conditioner, then this guide will help you out.

Shampoo 101: Your guide to selecting the right shampoo

How to choose a shampoo for your hair type?

All of us have a unique hair type. Not all shampoos will suit all hair types, and that is perfectly fine. You just need to make the correct choice for your particular needs:

Thin hair:

If you have thin hair, then you will need a shampoo that is a strong cleanser. Thin hair tends to break under the pressure of accumulating dirt and oil. A strong shampoo will ensure that your scalp is clean.

However, make sure that it is not overly moisturising or else your hair will look limp. An easy solution to get thicker-looking hair is to use a volumising shampoo that can lift the hair and nourish it at the same.

Thick hair:

If you have thick hair, then you should use a moisturising shampoo that can cleanse your hair properly. Thick hair is bound to pick up more dirt and oil along the way, which is why you need the extra cleaning action.

The nourishing quality of the shampoo will keep the hair soft.

Coloured hair:

You should use a shampoo that is colour preservative if you do not want the colour to fade away very fast. A strengthening shampoo is a good option if you chemically treat your hair often.

It contains extra proteins that nourish the hair.

Curly hair:

If you have curly hair, then you need a shampoo that provides deep-rooted nourishment while eliminating frizz.

Straight hair:

For straight hair, you should use shampoos that have smoothing agents that nourish the hair and protect its texture.

Ingredients Rundown: What Your shampoo usually comprises of ?

Its very important to know the chemicals which are present in your shampoo as it directly affects your skin and health.

Ammonium Laureth Sulfate and Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate are good cleansing agents and come cheap. They are used in cheaper shampoos.

While they clean your scalp, they can make your hair rough and brittle with regular usage. They can also irritate the scalp in some cases.

On the other hand, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and THEA Laureth Sulfate are milder synthetic liquids that are not so rough but should not be overused nonetheless. They can damage your hair too.

Shampoos may also come with conditioning agents like panthenol, glycerin and sorbitol to maintain the softness of the hair. Some shampoos have SPF additives and polymers to protect the hair from heat. Shampoos also have parabens as preservatives sometimes, but they are not safe to use for an extended period.

More natural shampoos have ingredients like plant extracts, vitamins, minerals and essential oils to reduce damage to the hair. They are the best shampoo for hair fall.

One should try to go natural and should stay away from sulfate and paraben based shampoos!

Tips for choosing the right shampoo for your hair

The following tips will help you choose the best shampoo for your hair.

  • You should judge your hair by the scalp instead of the strands. The skin on the scalp usually matches our normal skin type. For example, if you have dry skin, then you will most probably need moisturising shampoos for your hair.
  • You should check the pH level of a shampoo before you buy it. Usually, our hair and scalp have the same pH level. If the shampoo has different acidic properties, then they will clash and weaken the hair follicles. You can try out a few before deciding what works for you best.
  • All of us have different shampoo routines. If you are someone who likes to shampoo every other day, then you should go for mild and light shampoos so as to prevent hair damage. Some shampoos have very strong cleaning agents that can make your hair brittle if used too often.
  • You should never forget to check the ingredient list at the back of the bottle. Look for beneficial vitamins and minerals that can enhance your hair. If you are allergic to some substances, check for them too.
  • Following the instructions that come with the shampoo bottle can change your entire experience.
  • Natural substances like aloe vera, green tea, soy protein and shea butter are very good for your hair and provide much-needed nourishment to it. Do not forget to browse through herbal shampoos when you are out shopping.

Also Read: How To Make Your Hair Grow Faster - Top 14 Natural Tips

How to choose a shampoo for hair loss?

Here is how to choose shampoo for hair loss.

Go for shampoos that have more organic ingredients if you find that your hair is brittle. Overdrying because of chemicals can weaken the hair. Look for shampoos that have oils like tea tree, jojoba and argan which are known to stop hair fall and stay away from the sulphates and paraben shampoos for a while.

Dry scalp is a common cause of hair loss, and a shampoo with conditioning agents can help. Sometimes, the roots are damaged if the hair is not properly cleaned.

Make sure that your shampoo has good cleansing properties.

How to choose shampoo for dry hair?

If you are wondering how to choose shampoo for dry hair, remember that you need to provide your hair with enough moisture.

You should refrain from buying strengthening and volumizing shampoos that will dry your hair further by stripping the oils. Go for hydrating or smoothing shampoos which help in moisture retention.

In case your scalp is very itchy or flaky, you should look for special formulations for dry scalps. They have natural soothing agents like menthol and tea tree. It is best to stick to natural and herbal shampoos as much as you can because sulfates and parabens can make your hair rougher and dryer.

How to choose a shampoo for dandruff?

If you are asking yourself, 'How to stop hair fall', then you should check if you have dandruff as it is a major cause of hair loss. You should use a shampoo for oily scalp if you are having a dandruff problem because sebum promotes the growth of dandruff.

Look for anti-dandruff shampoos with ingredients like zinc, ketoconazole, or selenium sulfide. You will also find medicated anti-dandruff shampoos that are meant to attack the fungal infection directly.

What is a mild shampoo? How to select a mild shampoo?

Mild shampoos are supposed to cleanse your hair without being too rough on the strands or the scamp. They do not cause any damage or strip away the moisture from the hair which leaves it clean but hydrated.

They do not irritate the scalp in any way. If you like to shampoo frequently, then you should try a mild shampoo.

If you are confused about how to select mild shampoo, then you should look for the following ingredients:

  • Polymers
  • Glucoside
  • Natural Oils or Essential Oils
  • Botanical extracts
  • Supplements like Vitamin E, Vitamin D etc.

How to choose a shampoo for oily scalp?

If you are looking for a shampoo for oily scalp, then here is how to choose shampoo that will give you perfect hair.

You should stay away from hydrating and moisturising shampoos which can make your hair even oilier.

Volumising shampoos or balancing shampoos give your hair a nice bounce by removing the excess oil. If you have very oily hair, then you should use a mild clarifying shampoo that has essential oils like tea tree, lavender, peppermint, or lemongrass every alternate day. You should avoid chemicals and silicones as much as possible.

Chemicals which i should avoid in the shampoos?

The best shampoo for hair usually do not have the following chemicals:

  • Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS )
  • Sodium lauryl ether sulfate  (SLES)
  • Parabens
  • Sulphonates
  • Silicones

Also Read: 10 Harmful Beauty Ingredients One Must Avoid

How to check shampoo quality?

If you are looking for the best shampoo for hair, then you should know how to check the quality of shampoos.

  • Avoid shampoos that come with water and one surfactant as the main ingredients. They are usually of poor quality.
  • Check the quality of the surfactant. Avoid ammonia-based shampoos altogether as they are not good for your hair.
  • Check for alcohol in the ingredient list. Alcohol will dry out your hair before you know it. So better to avoid it.

One easy test to check shampoo qualtity is to let the shampoo sit in a glass of water. If it settles down at the bottom, then it is not good quality.

Conditioner 101: Your guide to selecting the right conditioner

How to choose a conditioner?

Nowadays, most shampoos come with their coordinating conditioners. They are meant to work together and serve your purpose. However, you can also choose to use a separate conditioner.

If you do not know how to choose conditioner, then you should follow these tips.

1) Find out your hair type

The conditioner is meant to restore the moisture that is lost from your hair when you use shampoo. It smoothes out the hair, reduces tangling and makes your hair more manageable. However, using a conditioner that does not suit your hair type might have just the opposite effect.

You need to remember that the texture of your scalp might not always match the end of the strands. You can have a dry scalp but oily ends and vice-versa.

Feel your hair and try to figure out what it needs- more moisture or more bounce?

2) If you have oily hair, avoid a moisturizing or smoothening conditioner

If you have oily hair, then you have the option of skipping out on the conditioner. However, that will deprive you of the other benefits. Instead, you can choose a conditioner that will not make your hair look limp and dull.

Avoid moisturizing and smoothening conditioners as they will make your hair lie flat. Go for labels that say volumising, strengthening, or balancing. These will be more effective in removing excess oil.

3) If you have dry hair, pick the conditioner good at restoring moisture

If you have dry hair, then conditioning is for you. Look for moisturising and hydrating formulas that will nourish your hair.

They will add the moisture without weighing the hair down. If you have damaged hair, then you should go for conditioners that have been specially formulated to restore hair moisture.

For that extra moisture boost, go for deep conditioners.

Go online or head to the supermarket to pick up the best shampoo and conditioner for yourself!

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Local search marketing is often cited as a way to promote your business and help with search results.  But what exactly is it?

Local search marketing is promoting your business through local directories via a web application or a mobile app.  Here are the  major players:  Yelp, Google My Business, Apple Maps, Trip Advisor, YP Yellow, Bing Local.

These directories are all created to make it easier for people to find you and they are also free – so take advantage of them.

Here is how:

1. Go to each of these sites and look for a listing for your business.  If one exists, which many do without any action on your part, “claim” it as your business.  Most sites make it clear how to do this and prompt you thru the steps when you try to edit the site. Part of the claiming of your listing will include a verification process which usually involves receiving a text on the business phone or a call to the business line listed or an email verification.  Additionally, often there will be verification done by the listing.  For example, Apple Maps will do some internal verification before placing you on their map.

2. Once you are verified, it is important to fill out the information and upload some GREAT photos.  The information is usually a bit limited but you should be able to describe the general nature of your business, your services, location, & hours.  Make sure you place a link to your website – either where the form asks for it, or if the form doesn’t, in the description.  This link is vital!  These links are looked at by all the search engines, and serve as a verification of the information they have indexed on your website. This confirmation will actually help to raise your page ranking in the search engines, as they crave multiple sources all saying the same thing.

But perhaps equally important is that people really do use these local directories all the time to find businesses and you want to be there in the results!  Having great pictures and informative text will also improve the trust of the person searching.

3. Next, get some good reviews posted on your listing.  Not only does this help your business succeed, having reviews on your listing help to push it up in the results.  Additionally, if desired, advertising is available on many of these sites.

Many businesses are quite comfortable creating their own profiles on these sites.  But if you would like some help with this important task, please give us an email or a call – we set these up all the time.  We’ll get you looking good on your local search directories!

Local Search Marketing – we say USE IT!!

Contact Fab Web if you’d like some help: 215-987-6947.


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Pentravan® performance: additional scientific evidence

Mon, 08/18/2014

There is an increasing interest for Pentravan® transdermal cream in scientific literature1-4. A new publication in the most recent edition of the International Journal of Pharmaceutical Compounding concludes that human female sexual hormones incorporated into Pentravan® and applied topically, are expected to exert their biological activities systemically with good efficacy due to their satisfactory permeation through human skin[5].

The article evaluates the permeation performance for progesterone, estradiol, and estriol in formulations containing each of those drugs separately, as well as an association of estradiol + estriol (Biest), regarding their compounding process and their potential biological application.

The conclusion is an important one. Progesterone, estradiol and estriol are used in hormone replacement therapy (HRT), to replace the female hormones no longer produced after menopause. This is a very effective method for controlling menopause symptoms, which severally affect about 20% of all women. For these women, HRT can make a significant difference to quality of life and overall wellbeing.

Administering hormones transdermal in Pentravan® has several benefits over traditional administration routes, such as:

  • Prevention of peak-levels in blood, through continuous absorption
  • Less frequent and more patient-friendly dosing
  • Avoidance of first-pass metabolism of hormones in the liver
  • Ease of discontinuation in case of adverse effects

[1] Lehman PA, Raney SG. In vitro percutaneous absorption of ketoprofen and testosterone: comparison of pluronic lecithin organogel vs. pentravan cream. Int J Pharm Compd. 2012; 16(3):248-52.
[2] H. Maia Jr., C. Haddad, R. Maia et al. Pulsatile administration of testosterone by the vaginal route using Pentravan®. Monduzzi Editoriale. 2013; 181-184.
[3] Polonini HC, de Bastos CA, de Oliveira MA et al. In vitro drug release and ex vivo percutaneous absorption of resveratrol cream using HPLC with zirconized silica stationary phase. J Chromatogr B Analyt Technol Biomed Life Sci. 2014; 947-948:23-31.
[4] Hudson CP, Pedro PS, Marcone ALO et al. Transdermal formulations containing human sexual steroids: development and validation of methods and in vitro drug release. Quím. Nova. 2014; 37(4):720-728.
[5] Polonini HC, Brandão MAF, Ferreira AO et al. Evaluation of Percutaneous Absorption Performance for Human Female Sexual Steroids into Pentravan Cream. IJPC 2014; 18(4):332-340.


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G20 Publication For Brisbane Summit 2014 Is Launched

Posted by

Faircount Media, based in Sydney, is delighted to announce the publication of a special edition for the G20 summit in Brisbane. Over the last 18 months Faircount has worked with the G20 secretariat and the Australian Institute of International Affairs to compile a comprehensive publication for the 2014 summit. The publication contains interviews, editorials and opinions from many of the key figures involved with Brisbane 2014 including Tim Costello (G20 Chair for 2014), Dr. Heather Smith (Deputy Secretary, Dept. of the Prime Minister, G20 2014 Sherpa), Dr. Jim Yong Kim (President, World Bank Group) plus introductory greeting letters from Australian Prime Minister, The Hon. Tony Abbott, The Hon. Joe Hockey, MP, Treasurer of Australia, and The Hon. Julie Bishop, MP, Minister for Foreign Affairs.

Australia is proud to host the world’s premier gathering of world leaders for the first time in its history, and Faircount too, as an Australian company, is similarly honoured to play its part in promoting the G20 to Australian leaders as well as members of the international community, as they visit Brisbane, many for the first time.


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8 Lessons for Church Leaders from Acts 2

Acts 2 provides a vivid picture of the intersection between faith-based leadership and the work of the Holy Spirit. This combination gave birth to the early church, and has fueled thriving churches ever since.

Lesson 1: The Holy Spirit shows up when leaders are united in Christ and focused on God.
“When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.” (Acts 2:1)

Like the early leaders in Christ’s church, your leadership team must gather regularly to worship, pray, and wait on the Holy Spirit. Doing so fosters trust, courage, and purpose. Just as the early church drew its life from the Holy Spirit, so must we.

Lesson 2: When and how the Holy Spirit works is not for us to know.
“Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.” (Acts 2:2-3)

We want immediate answers to our questions, immediate solutions to our problems, and immediate clarity for our future. But if we had all of that, would we need faith? Strong, faith-based leaders remain both persistent and patient – persistent to seek the Holy Spirit, and patient to wait on the Holy Spirit.

Lesson 3: The Holy Spirit brings unity through diversity.
“All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” (Acts 2:4)

Left to ourselves, our diversity – of thought, background, ethnicity, gender – will divide us. But when we are fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit, our diversity is beautiful to behold, strengthening and uniting our leaders, and our church.

Lesson 4: Collaboration is key for discerning and following the leading of the Holy Spirit.
“Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, ‘What does this mean?’” (Acts 2:12)

The manifestation of the Holy Spirit was so powerful that the people were “amazed,” yet so unpredictable that they were “perplexed.” Thus, the people wisely asked one another what all of this meant, and received their answer in short order from Peter. When we sense the Holy Spirit working in our midst, yet are unsure about what the Spirit is conveying specifically or how we are to respond, we need to ask one another, “What does this mean?” Collaboration is vital for understanding and following the leading of the Holy Spirit, and when we fail to consult with one another, we risk missing out on all that the Holy Spirit is inviting us into.

Lesson 5: When following the Holy Spirit, expect ridicule and opposition.
“Some, however, made fun of them and said, ‘They have had too much wine.’” (Acts 2:13)

The more that leaders step into the call of Christ and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, the more they can expect ridicule and opposition. The good news is that while facing ridicule and opposition doesn’t feel good, if it comes out of following the leading of the Holy Spirit, it is good.

Lesson 6: Above all else, proclaim the Gospel!
“Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: ‘Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say.’” (Acts 2:14)

We can be so focused on implementing new and exciting initiatives that we lose sight of our primary call to proclaim the Gospel. Paul instructed his protégé Timothy to, “proclaim the message; be persistent whether the time is favorable or unfavorable.” Like Timothy, we too must be steadfast in proclaiming the Gospel.

Lesson 7: Be ready to reap the harvest.
“When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, ‘Brothers, what shall we do?’ Peter replied, ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’” (Acts 2:37-38)

When the seeds of the Gospel have been sown, we need to be ready and willing to reap the harvest. The workers may be few, but there is no excuse to not reap the harvest in our own backyard.

Lesson 8: Trust God to bring the increase.
“Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day.” (Acts 2:41)

Three thousand people coming to Christ in a single day? Talk about a good day for evangelism! But even as we celebrate this amazing response to the Gospel, it’s easy to overlook that those who didn’t place their faith in Christ that day likely numbered in the hundreds of thousands. This serves as a simple yet critically important reminder that God alone brings the increase. Peter proclaimed the Gospel passionately and persuasively, and while many placed their faith in Christ, many more did not. Ultimately, our role is to be faithful in proclaiming and living in accordance with the Gospel, and to trust God to bring the increase, whatever it might be.

2 thoughts on “8 Lessons for Church Leaders from Acts 2

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Purpose of this Blog

Welcome! Thank you so much for stopping by!
After getting saved when I was 22 (see My Story) I began to study the Bible for the first time. Along with my personal study I regularly heard it taught and preached at church. It changed my life! I knew then I had to share it with others. The purpose of this site is to use the Bible to help & encourage the believer, the unbeliever and those who may be confused about what to believe.

More than ever, each one of us needs guidance and clarity to navigate our way through life. The Word of God gives us the best guidance and clarity one could ever ask for. It is our guide. We need to know how to live and the Faithful Echoes of the Bible leads my path.

Why Faithful Echoes”  as a title?
Faithful– is defined as “True to one’s word, worthy to be believed.”
Echo – is defined as “A sound reflected or reverberated from a solid body

The Psalmist said it beautifully in Gods Word:

“Thy word is true from the beginning: and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever.”
– Psalm 119:160

The Bible is true (FAITHFUL) from beginning to end and whatsoever it says will resound (ECHO) throughout eternity!

  **Any questions or comments you may have feel free to email me at faithfulechoes@yahoo.com

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Great: Now your sex toys are used to spy on you and sell your private habits, too

Humorous concept for a DIY sex toy... also doubles as an excellet exfoliator and knee cap waxer.

The makers of an Internet-connected sex toy have settled to pay a small amount to some 300,000 owners of a vibrator which was used to spy on their sex habits, which the manufacturer collected as individually identifiable data. Additionally, the bluetooth-controlled sex toy device was utterly insecure, allowing remote anonymous administration. In the mess of IoT devices spying on us, we now need to add the bedroom.

In Las Vegas in 2016, at Defcon, hackers g0ldfisk and followr originally disclosed the We-Vibe vibrator vulnerability, observing that anybody in bluetooth range could take control of the device. As the duo noted during their presentation, such an intrusion would amount to sexual assault – meaning we can now add sexual assault to the list of possible consequences of unsecured IoT devices.

This vulnerability – along with a shockingly audacious and undisclosed data collection about its users’ sexual habits, like temperature and sexual intensity, collected insecurely as identifiable data connected to their e-mail addresses – has led up to the class action lawsuit, which has been settled now. The manufacturer, We-Vibe, will pay four million Canadian dollars – expecting this to result in maybe C$500 for a violated individual at best.

The lawyers for the anonymous plaintiffs contended that the app, “incredibly,” collected users’ email addresses, allowing the company “to link the usage information to specific customer accounts.” — US NPR

This is just the start of devices made by engineering morons who may understand their original field – sex toys – but have absolutely no clue about Internet-level security. They are not alone: corporations as large as the biggest banks enjoyed the comfort of having a private network up until just recently, and have had to wake up in a hurry to the fact that all input must be regarded as hostile until proven friendly. The engineering principle of “your code is the last piece of code standing” was something that woke Microsoft up as late as fifteen years ago, and they were late in the IT game, but that’s nothing compared to non-IT players wanting in on the Internet of Things and the Fun Profitable Apps who still haven’t learned.

We can add sexual assault to the list of possible consequences of insecure IoT devices.

Maybe the most egregious thing about all this is that the vibrator maker continues to collect the private data, just with a “clarified” privacy policy, where two things immediately stand out. First, the collection of sex habit data is opt-out, meaning that your sex life will be spied on unless you take active action to not have it be so (having this “opt-out” is strictly illegal in several parts of the world, and for good reason). Second, they reserve the right to sell such data to anyone they like, but dress it in language suggesting the opposite: “We will never sell your usage data to a third party … except for as specified in our policy”. That last part makes the first part completely useless; what this means is “we will sell your usage data to a third party as specified”.

Maybe the most egregious thing about this story is that the vibrator maker continues to collect the private data, just with an obscure-and-opt-out privacy policy saying so.

Your privacy indeed remains your own responsibility.

Syndicated Article
This article was previously published at Private Internet Access.

Rick Falkvinge

Rick is the founder of the first Pirate Party and a low-altitude motorcycle pilot. He works as Head of Privacy at the no-log VPN provider Private Internet Access; with his other 40 hours, he's developing an enterprise grade bitcoin wallet and HR system for activism.

  1. geometry dash

    Maybe the most egregious thing about this story is that the vibrator maker continues to collect the private data, just with an obscure-and-opt-out privacy policy saying so. Yes, i agree with you idea

  2. xbox code generator

    Visit the website to get free xbox codes and also grab free membership for online live xbox gaming. These are wonderful and very real and the interface is best designed which suits the most, Its exciting to play xbox games here.

    Dateline/SWFL USA:
    First, our news is now so censored here in SW Florida that no one here would ever learn about this event unless they regularly used internet news sources and were specifically interested in privacy and products that can abuse it.

    Second, we are sprayed daily with chemicals – primarily sulfur which is now at 1600 ppm in our rainwater – as wide field atmospheric and weather modification experiments continue daily and nightly over our heads.

    Third, our cell tower and airport tower density is one per half mile and our State legislators (Benacquisto and Fitzenhagen) voted to allow Smart Grid and 5G technology to finally kill us with electromagnetic radiation. (See Dr. Klinghardt on YT for details). People here can barely think most days of the week and it is not uncommon for auto accidents to top 10-20 per morning rush hour for a population of about 500,000.

    Exactly 5 years after the installation of the Smart Meters (2012), two massive cancer “warehouses” were built (one in S. Ft. Myers and one in N. Cape Coral) to harvest the cancer patients caused by the chemicals and electromagnetic radiation. Big development and Big medicine run out Board of County Commissioners. Calls are never returned. E-mails are not responded to. To describe our County Commissioners as unresponsive is an understatement. To oust them requires money. I am leaving for my health and sanity – but, I will try to manifest a return with a documentary filmmaker and a legal team. These Commissioners (and everyone else who has participated) need to reap what they have sown with all of this toxic pollution that they and their corporate owners have fostered here on this environmentally sensitive coast line populated by the health challenged elderly and the working poor.

    We residents of the Naples-Ft Myers, FL USA coastal corridor are living examples of the programmed and short-lived existence the corporations have installed.

  4. Word Trek Daily

    Haha thats a very funny title! Where is this world going to?

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Welcome to Fancy La Femme!

    I am Francine, a woman of color, a daughter, a friend, a mother, a licensed mental health professional, and the owner of FancyNaturals, a small business founded on my West African heritage as a proud Ivorian. 4C987951-448B-4A02-9162-E8A504DD356E

     Fancy La Femme is my blog, meant to provide a forum for topics relevant to you and me, from beauty, fashion, health, government and food to relationships and even foreign events.  It covers a bit of everything, both by myself and other writers.  Many of the issues I discuss I’ve experienced myself, whether it’s making the leap to natural hair, motherhood, body concerns, or cultural adaptation.  I hope there is something here for everyone.

     Thank you for joining me on this journey of exploration and discovery.

                                           -Francine Holmes


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We are a Dog Friendly Establishment

Farmers boy inn
Business of the Year & Restaurant of the Year
Find us on Gluten Free Dining.co.uk
Tel: 01452 470105
with us
with us

The Daunting World of Social Media!!!!

Pimms 'o' Clock!
June 21, 2014
Who is our Target Market?
June 23, 2014

The Daunting World of Social Media!!!!

  • 31 Million Facebook users in the UK
  • Twitter has 15 Million Uk Users
  • 13 Million Uk Linkedin Users
  • 2 Million PinTrest Uk Users (up 1,800,00 from 12 months ago!)

And that’s only to name but a few Social Media Platforms…. there’s many more!

This comes on to my blog today how on earth are we supposed to keep up with it all?? Phil
& Myself are currently studying a Gentlemen called Gary Vaynerchuk from USA who is big on Social Media and the different platforms, this is going to be a long experience!

We have just set up a New YouTube Channel, Pintrest, Instagram & Tumblr Account and learning the ropes as we go so if you have any tips or tricks they will be greatly received!!!!


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archive,tag,tag-french,tag-196,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,, vertical_menu_transparency vertical_menu_transparency_on,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-4.7.4,vc_responsive

French Tag

Lately, I have been having trouble on styling my bob since I haven’t had short hair in a very long time. Especially when it comes to the night life. I always think what can I wear to show off this hair and look somewhat of an adult since my hair makes me look like I’m 12 again when I am not all spiffed up. Then I had the perfect statement piece to make it look like I was wearing the perfect wig. My pink faux fur coat from H&M!

I had purchased this coat from our local H&M a couple of years ago and is still one of my favorite pieces to date. I have only worn this coat about 4 times since that purchase so, you can say it’s a pretty big statement piece.

I was meeting friends for drinks so wanted to keep it casual but, still very glamorous at the same time. I paired it with my favorite pair of Levi high waisted jeans and vintage, ivory crop top. I finished off the look with pink and metallic silver heeled sandals. My hair has been getting me into some really cool, French, chic, glamorous looks and I absolutely love it. It’s always nice to change up your look and get into different styles every now and then. Change is good but remember to always keep a little bit of yourself in it.

xx Alexis

Lately, I have been experimenting with new looks to go well with my new haircut. And, I have been feeling the French style with how effortless and chic it looks – especially with short hair. I thought what a perfect time to let out my inner French girl and I had the perfect outfit in mind.

I had purchased an ivory Victorian inspired long sleeve dress from ASOS a while back and had no idea where to wear it to until I got this haircut! I paired it my Victorian inspired dress with a pair of ivory pumps, a feathered coat and topped it off with Chanel red lipstick. Feeling so French I knew the purse I could only accessorize my outfit with was my classic Chanel. It was the most chic I have ever felt. Man, what a haircut and good outfit can do! That day I happened to also have to take care of some very special business downtown which played a perfect setting with my look.

I had never felt so great and confident in such a long time it made the day so much better. You should always have a look that makes you feel amazing that is key. To me it is never about impressing anyone else but yourself and if you have achieved that then by damn show off that confidence! And on that note here’s to confidence and my future adventures as a self made French citizen.

Dress: ASOS

Coat: Vintage

Purse: Chanel


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View Vacancy - Senior Communications Officer (Mexico City/Press and Political)

The British Government is an inclusive and diversity-friendly employer.  We value difference, promote equality and challenge discrimination, enhancing our organisational capability. We welcome and encourage applications from people of all backgrounds. We do not discriminate on the basis of disability, race, colour, ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, veteran status or other category protected by law. We promote family-friendly flexible working opportunities, where operational and security needs allow.
Foreign and Commonwealth Office (Policy & Political roles)
Communications, Press and Media

Main purpose of job:

Would you like the opportunity to work as part of a team dedicated to promote everything that is GREAT about the UK in Mexico and be a key element in a hard-working, diverse, and creative group of professional communicators?

The Press and Communications team of the British Embassy in Mexico City is recruiting a Senior Communications Officer. As a Senior Communications Officer you would be expected to design communications strategies for specific Embassy teams; support specific Embassy sections in press events, campaigns and other communications, such as press releases and media reports; to establish relations with the media; and to produce analytical media reports. You will also be directly supporting the Head of the Team in the team’s organisation and internal affairs.

Roles and responsibilities / What will the jobholder be expected to achieve?

-   Design and implement communications plans for specific policy teams, supporting those teams in the organisation of events, press handling, developing media products (such as press releases, press conferences, PR activities and social media content), and generating media reports. This includes supporting different cross-Embassy projects and the GREAT Britain campaign.

-   Coordinate and develop communications products, such as interviews, Op-Eds, articles, etc. for senior Embassy staff and high-level UK visitors, including Ministerial Visits and campaign launches. He/she will also have the opportunity to contribute with original content to our permanent communications channels, like the Ambassador’s weekly column.

-   Develop a strong network of specialised media, including sector mappings and PR strategies. Establish direct contact and relations with editors, reporters and other relevant stakeholders.

-   In charge of integrating the team’s media reports, including the production of a quarterly activity report, and an analytical Annual Media Report. When needed, produce special analytical media summaries, for example, during elections periods or relevant political developments.

-   Support the Head of the Team in different activities around the team’s organisation: from spotting learning and development needs and opportunities, to organising the annual Comms Week, a training event for Embassy members.

Have an active role in consular crises and dedicate 5% of the work time to corporate activities, such as the participation in Committees.

  • Outstanding writing skills in both English and Spanish.
  • Deep understanding of the Mexican media.
  • Understanding of the status quo of Mexican politics.
  • Organisation and logistic skills.
  • Reporting, analysis and synthesis skills.
  • Leadership and project management skills.

  • Social media strategy knowledge.
  • Basic graphic design and reporting tools knowledge (Adobe Suite and Microsoft Office).

Leading and Communicating, Collaborating and Partnering, Managing a Quality Service, Delivering at Pace
25 October 2018
B3 (L)
Full-time, Permanent
Latin America and Spanish speaking Caribbean
Mexico City
British Embassy
MXN $24,690
3 December 2018

Learning and development opportunities (and any specific training courses to be completed):

Continuous learning opportunities depending on specific profile and agreed learning & development plan.

At least one formal learning opportunity after probation period is over.

The Press and Communications team of the Embassy is dedicated to promote everything that is GREAT about the United Kingdom in Mexico. We are a busy, diverse, and creative group of professional communicators. Our role includes monitoring the news, creating messages, organising events, arranging interviews, developing new media partnerships and launch impactful campaigns to promote UK products, technologies, ideas, policies, best practices, innovations and business opportunities. In short, we want people to understand and know more about everything that the UK has to offer. This will strengthen the bilateral relations we have with Mexico.  We also aim to raise the profile of the UK in Latin America and ultimately contribute to help the UK, Mexico and other countries to bring more prosperity and security to their citizens.
Please be aware that you will only be able to apply to vacancies for Local Staff roles with the British Government through this official site (operated by Oleeo). Jobs may be advertised on third party websites, however our adverts will always link back to the official site. If you complete and send an application through any other site, we will not receive it.

This opportunity is closed to applications.


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The Feel Better Project Daily

The free daily email that shows people how to change their thoughts, so that life and business becomes easy and fulfilling rather than stressful and overwhelming.

Appreciations are a fuel for feeling better.

If we develop a daily practice, as I suggest, we start to see the silver linings, the positive spins and the happy endings in our day-to-day life. It makes feeling better easier.

But just because appreciations are fuel, it doesn’t mean you have to fill the tank to the brim.

Sometimes when people practice this they think they have to appreciate only the big things.

Such as:

I’m healthy.

I have a wonderful husband/wife/kids.

My business is successful.

That’s all good. But the trouble is, if we just focus on the big stuff, we run out of things to appreciate. And then we give up the practice.

Instead, it’s helpful to think of the little stuff you can appreciate about your day.

Such as:

The feeling of the breeze on your skin as you went for your walk this morning.

The sweetness of the cherry tomatoes you ate for lunch.

The nice conversation you had with the person in line at the checkout.

Appreciate the small things, and you’ll be ready to receive more small things… and maybe some big things too!

(Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash)


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Tag Archives: Planting roots

Bloom where you are Planted

This was always a phrase that expats would use back in the day. It taught us that when you find yourself in a place where you didn’t really choose to be, and then realized you were going to stay a while, … Continue reading

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