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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Sin, Transgression, Repentance: "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

As a follow-up to yesterday's post and Matthew's comment on it

In the purest scriptural sense, I view "transgression" as everything that keeps us from becoming like God. I believe many of those things are the natural result of "the Fall" - or, in other words, are the by-product of Adam's transgression. I believe our 2nd Article of Faith teaches that we have been redeemed / saved from many of those things already, since we didn't choose them willfully.

I view "sin", on the other hand, as those things we intentionally choose to do (or not do) that keep us from becoming like God - knowing or believing that we need to do (or not do) them to become like God. I view "repentance" as the process of trying to change our nature and become more Godlike - so, at the most basic level, I view sin as NOT trying to repent (change). To me, it's really not more complicated than that.

I believe sin generally is defined communally by those who want to tell others what to do and not do for the overall good of the collective group (and I have no problem with that general concept, even as I believe much of what is considered to be collective sin is somewhat arbitrary and not "eternal law"), but I believe sin is defined by God on an individually sliding scale - since He is the only one who can look upon the neurology, heredity, environment, societal norms, intelligence, spiritual sensitivity, etc. of each child and know exactly what that child is capable of doing - and what actions are willful rebellion vs. ignorant transgression - proactive vs. reactive - simple correction vs. deeply ingrained inclination - honest mistake vs. intentional error - etc.

In other words, I believe that what is "sin" for me might not be "sin" for another individual (although it all is transgression) - and that there are VERY few things that are "sin" for every single individual in every single situation (rather than sin for one and transgression for another or sin in one situation vs. command in another).  Perhaps the best example of this in all of our recorded scriptures is Nephi and Laban.

A modern example is also instructive:

Did each and every person who participated in the attacks on 9/11/01 commit sin in doing so - or were the actions of one or more accounted to them as transgression, given their upbringing and youthful indoctrination? I don't know - and I don't take time or spend effort trying to decide.

I believe that "Judge not, that ye be not judged" is MUCH more universal than many people think - and that our 2nd Article of Faith is MUCH more powerful than even most members realize.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Accepting Each Other for Who We Are, Not Just Who We May Become

I have mentioned this in a tribute post to my father, but my mother has a rare form of schizophrenia. Growing up, all we knew was that she needed “sleeping pills” to function properly.

My mother was an amazing example of Christ-like love and acceptance throughout my childhood. I never heard her raise her voice in anger; I never heard her say anything (not one word) negative about anyone else. She was amazing. She was active and aware and fully-functioning in the life my father built for her. Nobody other than my father and her own parents and siblings even knew there was anything wrong with her, since mental issues were not discussed openly at that time.

A few years ago her medication finally stopped working. For the few months it took to find a new combination that would work for her, she was a totally different person. She was paranoid; she had horrible hallucinations; she swore without provocation, using words we didn’t even realize she knew. Once the medication was adjusted properly, she was back to her normal condition - a sweet, incredibly spiritual woman.

“My mother” is the woman I knew while properly medicated, not the monster she became without it. She had a degree of agency during those years that was absent when her meds stopped working. During those months, she literally could not control her mind or her actions - and what came out of her mind and her mouth would have horrified her if she had been aware of it. She literally was not accountable during that time - not at all.

I don’t pretend to understand mental illness, nor do I pretend to understand how such illness interfaces with agency and the interaction of our spirit and body. That is so far beyond my ken that I would be shooting in the dark at a moving target if I tried. All I know is that we have been commanded to judge not, and that I have been told I will be judged as I judge others. I know how desperately I desire mercy and meekness at my own day of judgment, so I try as hard as I can to be merciful and meek myself.

If we truly understood the Atonement better, I think we would understand this issue better - and much of our stress and guilt and heartache would melt away. If we also allowed for those who can’t understand it better (for whatever reason), much of the pressure we tend to apply also would vanish - and we would be more able to accept and love others and ourelves for who we are amid our struggles, not just who we will become once those struggles have ended.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Burden of Depression: Judge Not

I once gave a woman a blessing who was suffering from depression and other related issues. I had no idea of this at the time; she simply called and asked for a blessing.

In the blessing, I remember distinctly hearing her be told that the greatest source of her pain in this life would never go away - that she would struggle with it until the day she died. (Again, I had no idea what the source was. I figured it was some physical ailment when I thought about it afterward.) I also remember distinctly hearing her be told that the joy and freedom she would experience in the next life would be even more exquisite than the pain she would feel here. It was a powerful blessing, and I walked out of her house feeling grateful for the blessing of having been the voice.

Years later (after we had moved away), I was back in town visiting, and I mentioned her blessing to her and asked how she was doing. She told me that she had been crushed by it and had decided to not ask me for a blessing ever again. I asked why, since the promised blessings had been so great. She looked at me with a perplexed look and asked what I meant, so I explained my memory of the blessing.

Her face registered shock, and she said to me, “I never heard the statement that I would be blessed. When I heard that the source of my pain would not be healed, I was so crushed that I tuned out the rest of the words.”

That experience taught me more about depression and other related issues than anything I have ever studied. She had carried an additional burden with her for years after receiving that blessing. She had seen that “blessing” as a “cursing” - and that “understanding” wasn’t at all her “fault”. It wasn’t anyone’s “fault”; it simply was what it was - the reaction of a woman caught in the middle of depression.

Oh, and my son’s insulin is no different in my mind than a pill someone takes for depression. They both are wonderful blessings.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

Book of Mormon Historicity: I Don't Care

We don't know enough about the location of the BofM account once it leaves the Old World to have any idea of how to prove its historicity based on site discoveries, and we don't know enough about the overall genetic makeup of Lehi's group and the Jaredites - or about how widespread each culture was - or about how extensively they intermingled with other groups (especially the Lamanites, who didn't keep a record to which we have access) - or about the genetic makeup of the other numerous peoples who were led to the promised land - or any other factors that would help us identify and trace the people mentioned in it. When you discount some of the assumptions of the early church leaders (that truly were no more than assumptions and aren't supported by the book itself) by parsing the text closely, it is next to impossible to make solid historicity claims on either side - pro or con.

Therefore, I don't fret about it. I take it as primarily three men's interpretation of history (Nephi, Mormon and Moroni - with a very little of other individuals) - written in an adapted language different than the spoken one of the time (much like the relationship between written Japanese - borrowed and adapted from the very different Chinese - and spoken Japanese) and then translated into a third language by someone who only had his own vocabulary available to use (meaning the record had to be revealed in the limited language of the translator). Add to that dilemma, words that simply wouldn't have been translatable from one culture or region to another culture or region, and you have almost nothing that can be verified objectively. Add to that the regular assertion that not 1/100 of what was taught was recorded, then that not 1/100 of what was recorded was compiled into the abridgment . . .

If the Book of Mormon was a hoax, it was one of the most elaborate, brilliant hoaxes ever conceived, when evaluated against its own internal claims, but I don't fret it. It's next to impossible to prove it one way or the other, so I take historicity off the table (in my case, by accepting it at face value) and focus instead on what it actually says. That works for me, and I get to avoid wasting time worrying about what can't be proven either way.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Welcome to My Mind and My Heart

I have been traveling this week and am exhausted tonight. I am not ready to put my thoughts together for a typical New Year's Resolution post on charity, so I ask that anyone reading this be charitable and understand why I am choosing instead to re-post a long-past post.

I have considered which post to choose, and I hope the decision was inspired. If not, at least enjoy reading something from long enough ago that perhaps you missed it when I first wrote it - just over three years ago. It struck me that most of you who read my blog now did not do so when I first started recording the things of my soul, so I decided to re-post the personal introduction I wrote when I started this blog.

So, without further ado, here is a look at me:

Welcome to my life and mind.

Unlike my wife, I lean more toward the "record the things of my spirit" motivation for blogging. I blog primarily to record how I view life, in order to preserve for my posterity my perspective on eternity and the mortal issues that, IMO, influence eternity. Generally, I am not as verbose as my wife - which really says something about her prodigious compilations. Concise, I am not. Furthermore, I have been told my common sentence composition puts Dickens and Hugo to shame - linguistic slackers that they are - not in quality of their vocabulary, but rather in the simplicity of their sentence structure. My mind meanders from point of interest to point of interest, and it takes more exertion than I often am willing to offer to restrict the journey to a straight and narrow path.

Having said that, I am an unrepentant parser. I try to be very clear about what I say, which is one reason I have a hard time writing simple, non-complex sentences - as my tendency to try to avoid confusion and misunderstanding often leads to a type of verbosity that requires slow and careful reading and, by extension, sometimes causes confusion. Such is life. I insist on addressing what others say, not what the reader assumes or thinks they must mean behind the words, since that is a courtesy I request from others.

I am personally conservative in my own lifestyle and, I have been told by many, quite perplexing in the balance I strive to achieve in my religious and political views. I believe in teaching correct principles and letting people govern themselves - primarily as a product of believing the Golden Rule. I will request a conversation cease if people are talking past each other, not listening in order to understand and merely trying to shout down the other party; however, I never will request such a cessation simply because of fundamental disagreement - regardless of the intensity of the discussion.

I am a teacher by inclination and initial training, a salesman / admissions counselor by trade, a preacher at heart (if not a Mormon, I would live at a pulpit), a musical performer and public speaker by nature and, most importantly, a husband of 24 years and father of 6 kids (and numerous non-biological "children" - hence, "Papa D") by choice and grace.

Welcome to my mind and my heart (and my sense of humor that both makes my wife laugh and embarrasses her on a regular basis). I hope you welcome me to yours.

Friday, October 22, 2010

When the Voice of Warning Is Not Appropriate

I believe there is an important line between a "loving" warning given gently and sincerely and a "loving" warning given from a sense of superiority and condescension to "save" someone. However, I also think losing the sense of concern that motivates a warning is worse than the warning itself. If we ever get to the point where we truly don't care enough to warn someone we love when we believe they are hurting themselves . . .

To be clear, some of the most obnoxious, hurtful statements I've ever heard have been given by people who did so thinking they were correcting out of love. I also understand that the most loving thing I can do in certain situations is to shut up - after it's been made clear that the other person doesn't share my view of the danger. That's one of my points - that once a "warning" has been given and understood clearly, generally it's up to us to honor agency and stop warning.

For example, if someone says, "I don't want to be contacted by Home Teachers or the Church," we should honor that and stop contacting them. Ironically, that is HT in the truest sense - providing the service the individual wants. I have no problem with an annual "check up" phone call or note ("Do you still want no contact?"), but anything more is moving from a warning voice to a constant and alienating telemarketing call.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Atheism, Agnosticism,Theism & Mormonism

I see atheism and agnosticism as diametrically opposed to each other or exactly the same thing, depending on the type of agnosticism one practices.

I see "pure" atheism as the assertion that God does not exist and that those who believe in God are wrong. Pure atheism is a religion in every meaningful way. I see "pure" agnosticism as the assertion that we can't know whether or not God exists, so it is up to us to live whatever moral or societal code we believe best matches what God would want if He does exist or what would be best for us individually and collectively if He does not exist - which generally respects religious conviction as good even if the central claim of knowledge of God's existence is assumed to be false, as long as the practical results of that conviction are good. On the other hand, I see "distorted" agnosticism as the assertion that any claim to know of God's existence is destructive and delusional and should be educated out of the ignorant believers and replaced with uncertainty. In other words, it's OK to believe in God as long as you don't claim to know that God exists. That stance, in practice, is just atheism's more attractive twin.

Pure atheism and distorted agnosticism share the same missionary focus at heart as most forms of theism. Pure agnosticism does not share this focus, as its central core is that all must work out their own understanding, as the pure agnostic only can be sure of his or her own perspective. In other words, agnosticism is personal and focused on the individual; atheism and theism are collective and focused on spreading "the truth".

The interesting category to me are those religions, like Mormonism, that are a mixture of a deeply personal theism that includes actively sharing that theism with others and yet, ultimately, agnostic in the practical application of individual accountability - teaching that those who believe differently but act in dedicated accordance with their sincere beliefs have just as much chance for every "reward" received by those who believe the "Truth". Mormonism is SO much more complex than any other Christian religion I have studied (and I have studied them all of any significant size) that I am blown away by its origins and evolution.

As a religion, atheism is easy and simple and immature. It is the couch critic who inherited money, never had to work and looks down on everyone who struggles to understand their life's meaning amid pain and suffering. In that sense, atheism is meaningless at the purely personal level. Agnosticism, on the other hand, is deeply meaningful at the individual level.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Church-Wide Vanilla; Individual Flavoring

“Is it the Church’s duty to create a list called “dirty laundry” and then say, “These are troubling issues that some people have, and here is our best take on them”?

No, not “The Church” at the top leadership level. Their duty is to preach Jesus resurrected and His Church restored. If people want academic treatments, they should turn to academicians to provide them; if they want scientific answers, they should turn to scientists to provide them; if they want historical perspective, they should turn to historians to provide it; if they want “witnessing” answers, they should turn to witnesses to provide them.

I don’t want “The Church” to reincarnate Bruce R. McConkie expressing personal opinion on non-Gospel topics as official doctrine. I want Kevin Barney and Ardis Parshall and Armand Mauss and Richard Bushman and Jan Shipps and Bill McKinnon and Henry Eyring and Hugh Nibley and others to “explain” Mormon history and science and scriptural exegesis and other topics. I want the apostles and prophets to preach and minister and administer.

I don’t want “The Church” to spoon-feed me everything I should eat, pureed to a consistency any baby could digest. I have no problem with generic presentations and statements for the general membership, but I want to figure out how to digest the full feast in its complex form - or to put aside some of the food temporarily and not even try to digest it. I don’t mind if others help me decide what to eat raw, what to boil, what to grill, what to puree and what to discard, but I don’t want “The Church” turning everything into a blended shake that someone thinks should go down smoothly and not cause any indigestion. I like the diverse flavors and consistencies of my food too much to want pablum.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Charity Believeth All Things: The 9th and 13th Articles of Faith

As I have continued to consider what Paul might have meant when he said that "charity believeth all things", I have found myself focusing this week on the 9th and 13th Articles of Faith. They apply differently to this idea, but I believe each application has merit and insight - so I want to address both of them in this post.

First, the 9th Article of Faith:

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

What I take from this statement is that we believe whatever God reveals, whenever He reveals it - and, in conjunction with my post last week about being open-minded, no matter the source to whom He reveals it. This implies that charity includes a willingness to set aside all natural arrogance and accept the idea that God can and will speak to ANY of His children - and then believe what He has said, no matter if it comes to "our own" in the past ("has revealed"), in the present ("does now reveal") and in the future ("will yet reveal") or to "others" at any of those times.

This is a part of charity specifically because it blunts the natural arrogance that assumes God chose, chooses and will choose a particular people to be the exclusive beneficiaries of His word - which almost always (if not always) includes the accompanying assumption of higher worth, worthiness or inherent value. This is not a conclusion that applies only to those who do NOT accept on-going revelation and living prophets. It also applies to those who DO accept the general premise of past, present and future revelation - if they ascribe a lack of revelation or worthiness to those outside "their own", generally. (That is perhaps the most pernicious effect of many of the justifications for the Priesthood ban, for example - the fact that some members used worthiness as a reason for the ban and, thus, were not truly charitable toward those who were not able to be ordained and endowed for that season.)

Next, the 13th Article of Faith begins with the following:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men.

This listing of things we believe focuses on godly characteristics and actions, rather than philosophical, intellectual or doctrinal concepts or ideologies. It also is not focused on understanding these characteristics, but, rather, it is focused on internalizing and living them - becoming or being them. Again, with the fundamental caveat that I believe we are talking about all good things, this seems to emphasize that truly believing something includes a commitment to act - rather than simply understand intellectually. Much like "faith without works is dead, being alone", belief without becoming / being is dead.

Thus, charity believing all things might have specific reference to believing in striving to become Christlike (believing all things that He taught, including the need to become like Him) - and the attendant acceptance of both faith AND repentance.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Eve Didn't Know What She Was Doing

Many members have taken the stance recently that Eve knew what she was doing when she partook of the forbidden fruit - that her action was noble and enlightened. However, the idea that Eve acted knowing that she was furthering God's plan and doing the right thing isn’t supported in either the text or the temple.

I believe this for three reasons:

1) Her own words state that she was beguiled. ("The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." - Genesis 3:13) "Beguiled" means "tricked, misled, deluded" - NOT knowledgeable and insightful. She says she was tricked; I believe her - at least, I would if I took the story literally.

2) 2 Nephi 2:18 makes a direct connection from Lucifer's status as "the father of all lies" and what he said to Eve. Thus, his statement to Eve was a lie - and she bought it, acting as she did because she believed a lie.

3) It appears to me that Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden less for partaking of the fruit than for doing so at the behest of Lucifer. In other words, they were punished for placing their trust in the devil instead of their God. God knew Lucifer would try to get them to disobey Him, so he set up a scenario that would test them. According to their own account and God's subsequent words and actions, I believe they failed the test.

In fact, I would argue that it isn't clear that Eve actually was "doing the right thing" by partaking. I agree completely that leaving the Garden of Eden ("falling from the presence of God") was a necessary part of the plan (that "Adam fell that man might be"), but there is nothing in the text or the temple that indicates Eve knew what she was doing.

I think the Fall narrative teaches the danger of trying to take shortcuts in becoming like God and introduces a reason for the struggle and temptations of mortality.

Interestingly, there is nothing to indicate whether or not God had an alternate way for them to leave the Garden of Eden if they stood firm and refused to partake of the fruit - if they could have "fallen" and still faced mortal temptation with their progeny without buying Lucifer's lie in the Garden of Eden.

Fundamentally, I don't believe this was a literal event, so that last possibility doesn't bother me at all. I believe it is allegorical and figurative, so the "you will be punished if you reject your God and follow another god" theme rings true for me - especially given the ebb and flow of the OT record. I don't read the narrative as a victory of any kind. I read it as teaching, "If you don't follow my commandments and resist temptation to take shortcuts, you will lose the blessing of my influence. I will provide a way to return, but it will be painful - and you will have to work hard for it to happen."

Frankly, I think Eve ate the fruit in the story because the story was written by men in order to explain the social, political, gender-influenced structure in which they lived. I believe it is an inspired narrative in many ways, and I believe it is an amazingly practical narrative, but I believe it is a figurative narrative just the same. I believe in a literal first man and first woman, but not in the literalness of the Biblical Fall narrative.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Scriptural Interpretation Is Our Right As Children of God

A while ago I read someone's assertion that, "Apostles and prophets have far more authority to 'interpret' scripture than mere laymen do." In my opinion, that is 100% incorrect. Apostles and prophets have authority to speak for the Church, but nobody has more or less authority to "interpret". That is a right and a responsibility that is inherent in our status of children of God, not our individual callings or positions in the organizational church.

There is nothing within "official" Mormonism that discourages lay members from trying to understand our scriptures. In the end, there is FAR more autonomy to read and interpret and strive to reach individual understanding within Mormonism than within most other denominations - believe it or not.

Actually, that's a central part of the "living church" designation - that the Church empowers individuals to learn and grow and progress by allowing and actually encouraging individual testimonies gained by individual study and prayer.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Single Adults: Some Thorns Are Harder to Soften Than Others

One of my fondest wishes is that we simply would stop judging each other and our individual situations. I understand and have no problem with the need to preach an ideal, but I also understand that not one of us is living fully the ideal we preach. Each and every one of us struggles with some aspect of life that constitutes a thorn of mortality - and I am bothered more than I can explain that some people’s thorns are harder to soften than others.

I really struggle with this one. I do want to emphasize marriage and motherhood in a world that is devaluing them more and more. I don’t want to weaken the ideal, particularly as it is crumbling in many of the areas around me. I do want to encourage my daughters to be worthy to enter the temple - and to not delay marriage if they find someone with whom they want to spend eternity. I value the concept of eternal marriage above nearly all else in the Restored Gospel, and I want my daughters to experience what it is like to find true perfection (wholeness and completion as one united entity) in a marriage.

However, I want my daughters, first and foremost, to feel worthy and special and noble simply because they are daughters of God. I don’t want the importance of their mortal existence to be tied solely to marriage, and, while I realize that the Church’s full teachings don’t devalue single women, I also realize that single women and men live in the here and now - so they need praise and validation and worth and power and fulfillment to the highest extent possible in the here and now.

In the end, I believe it comes down to our actions - including our words, but more how actively we are willing to ensure that the voices of those whose lives don't reflect the full ideal we peach are heard - that their lives can be immersed and their opinions are valued in the Church. In many ways, it comes down to accepting their lives as legitimate lives (every bit as “right” for them as marriage is for the married) - and resisting the urge to impose the ideal individually as we still must teach it collectively.

I wish I had a better answer, but never-ending awareness is a start - along with never belittling the struggles of a single adult in a family-focused religion.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Charity Believeth All Things: Being Open-Minded

In my New Year's Resolution post last week, I included some thoughts from previous posts in my initial contemplation of the idea that charity believes all things - and I asked for input about how I might take that idea the rest of the month. As I have considered how to organize my thoughts, I have decided to start with two statements by Presidents of the LDS Church (Joseph Smith and Gordon B. Hinckley) and an excerpt from the Book of Mormon.

First, the very last thing Joseph Smith wrote in the 13th Article of Faith was:

If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Next, Gordon B. Hinckley said more than once, in echoing another famous statement by Joseph Smith, that Mormonism should encompass all good:

“To anybody who is not of this Church, I say we recognize all of the virtues and the good that you have. Bring it with you and see if we might add to it.” (Ensign, November 1996, p.48. - From a General Conference talk in October 1996)

Finally, the Book of Mormon includes the following wonderful statement and counsel in Moroni 7:13-14:

But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.

I believe the point of Paul's message that charity believeth all things is encapsulated in these statements - with the caveat that I'm certain he meant believeth all "correct/true/ennobling/virtuous, etc." things. I think that such a qualifier is both obvious and important, so I simply want to mention it in passing here to be explicit.

My main point tonight is the link between "charity" and the ability to "believe all things". The epiphany that hit me hard only now as I was typing and editing that last sentence is that the ability to be truly and fully open-minded is central to the ability to believe all things - since it is impossible to believe anything unless one is willing to consider it first. Likewise, the ability to grant that others might have something that can enlighten us - that we don't know everything and what we do know we don't know fully - is the heart of charity. Thus, the truly charitable are the people who are most likely to be open to being taught by those with whom others reactively disagree - since they are the ones most likely to seek for ways to understand without judgment and reflexive rejection.

I have never considered that perhaps ONLY charity believeth all things, but I really like the way my mind is being led.

Friday, October 8, 2010

In Short, I Can Trust the Spirit

1) I have had too many experiences with Priesthood blessings where I have addressed situations of which I knew nothing to doubt the reality of "the Spirit". I also have had moments of flashing insight (like tonight immediately following a blessing) that stopped me in my tracks - and ended up being spot-on. I just don't have a solid and clear understanding of what "the Spirit" is. I know it can lead me to say things that are spot-on with no foreknowledge of them, but that's about all I know.

2) I have no option other than to follow what I feel to be true - or at least as close to truth as I can get at any moment. I like the Moroni 7 standard, summarized in my own words as, "If it brings joy and leads you to real humility, it is of God; if not, not." I also like the Matthew 5 standard, again summarized in my own words as, "Develop the characteristics of godliness and someday you will be perfect (complete and whole and fully developed = finished)." If a feeling leads me toward what I think is that desired end, it's good enough for me.

In short, I can trust the Spirit - within the basic parameters I have constructed to distinguish it. Anything outside that framework, and I have to question - much like I believe Nephi did to his dying day about killing Laban. He believed and followed what he felt he was being led to do, but he had to construct a justification for it, nonetheless - since it was outside the normal limits of what he thought the Spirit would prompt him to do.

I've done things according to what I thought were promptings that ended up seeming to be failures.
I'm not certain if they were or weren't, but I've had enough other similar experiences that in hindsight appear to be obvious cases of inspiration that I figure I will keep doing whatever I feel prompted to do and let God allow for my mistakes of human weakness in the end. I believe in Him, and I believe in the Spirit, so I'll err on that side and let the chips fall where they may - understanding that I'm doing the best I can even while my own glass remains clouded and I still see through it darkly.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Living with Ambiguity as a Spiritual Process

"Living with ambiguity is a form of intellectual honesty, of humility. It is only when we admit that we don't know that we are receptive to what lessons may be taught. In some strange way, it also brings an inner peace since we are no longer fighting reality to maintain our inner fantasies on how things should be. While I am characterizing it as an intellectual process, it also has spiritual implications, since only an open mind is capable of hearing God."

- Andy Piereder

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Impact of Proper Leadership on Zion

“What’s the closest you’ve ever gotten to a Zion experience?”

1) My family, growing up - with wonderful parents;

2) Marching band and choir in high school - with wonderful teachers;

3) My current and most recent wards, on a larger scale - with two amazing bishops.

I don’t think the similarity is accidental.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Spotlessness Can Be Next to Manslaughter

Some people need to let go of something in order to stay sane and not beat themselves up over unrealistic expectations. I'm fine with the tornado effect that is my house, since keeping it "tidy" with all the traffic that parades through it is nigh unto impossible.

Cleanliness might be next to godliness, but spotlessness can be next to manslaughter. I'll take clutter and general disarray over the alternative.

I simply have chosen those things that I really want to do - what I consider to be the most important uses of my time - and focused on making sure those things get done. Everything else is garnish, and I really don't like garnish all that much.

There is a Gospel lesson in this post, so . . . "They who have ears to hear, let them hear."

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Charity Believeth All Things: A Few Connected Thoughts

My New Year's Resolution this month is to "believe more things" - taken, as has been the case all year, from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 where it states:

Charity believeth all things.

As I contemplated this resolution, some connected yet autonomous thoughts that ran through my mind. Rather than write a typical post this week, to start off the month I want to record those thoughts and ask everyone who reads this post to offer your thoughts about my thoughts. I'm not sure exactly in what direction I want to take this particular resolution this month, so I would appreciate any help anyone wants to give.

1) I remembered a quote I cited earlier this spring in a post that deals with the idea of believing regardless of "truthfulness" - and I'm sure it will factor into how I approach this resolution:

"If you want to believe in something, then believe in it. Just because something isn’t true, there’s no reason you can’t believe in it. Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that true love never dies. It doesn’t matter if they are true or not. A man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in." - from the movie, "Second Hand Lions".

2) I wrote the next thought almost exactly a year ago, and it also deals with the same general theme I am starting to develop as perhaps the core focus of this month's resolution:

“To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world. To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.” (D&C 46: 13-14)

If some have to "believe" something as fundamental as that Jesus is the Son of God, then it seems logical to assert that even more are going to have to believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet - and myriad other uniquely Mormon teachings.

I have no problem with saying, "I know” about a lot of things - but there also are things that I still believe without yet knowing. I would love to hear more people stand in front of the congregation and say, “I believe . . .”- or even, "I want to believe . . ."

3) I wrote the following just over two years ago:

A friend once said to me, "I see you as an academic believer." My response follows:

I like that term, since the primary emphasis is on being a "believer" rather than an "academic". I am inquisitive by nature; I try to see everything from every side and reach my own conclusions; I do so, however, from a foundation of faith - because I have found that it is such a foundation that brings me the most joy.

This means that I always try hard when I read or hear something for the first time to see if there is a way I can see "correctness" within it - even if that ends up being only a very small portion. Often, I end up rejecting 10%-90% of something - but my approach, I believe, allows me to gain something from most of the things to which I am exposed. That is true sometimes of things I have considered carefully previously - if the perspective is somewhat different than what I have considered previously.

I am not an "academic believer" if that means someone who only accepts what I can understand. (I would term that type of person to be a "believing academic".) I certainly am an "academic believer" if that means someone who tries to think about and understand everything but who, first and foremost, believes. My heart and experiences are bound rock-solidly to the Restored Gospel, but my mind is looking constantly for ways to understand it better.

I am leaning on tackling this month's resolution from the standpoint of the need for faith in world I see through my glass, darkly - but I would love to have input into the quotes above and any other thoughts about the idea of charity believing all things.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Communication Varies at Differing Levels in the Church

I believe the difference between ward and stake disciplinary councils is reflective of the role differences between the Bishop and Stake President. In other words, the Bishop's primary focus is much more on the individual (minister), and that makes him play a different role in most disciplinary councils than the Stake President, whose primary focus is on the organization (administrator).

Likewise, I believe this explains why most of the decisions that make waves are reached at the stake level (or higher) - because they are taken to "protect the organization" rather than to "help the transgressor". The opportunity to "help the transgressor repent" generally is confined to the ward level, while the responsibility to "protect the organization" generally is held by those above that level.

Fwiw, most of the truly angry and loudly condemnatory statements I have heard from those who have been excommunicated have come from those whose decisions were reached at the stake level or beyond, while I am aware of quite a few ward level decisions that didn't cause a stir at all - or were very positive experiences. That fascinates me.

On a more individual, non-disciplinary level, I agree completely with the need to "administer to the one". I believe in that fully. It struck me, however, as I was reading multiple threads here across the Bloggernacle that some people are upset that their own individual takes on certain practices aren’t being validated by their leaders - that uniformity of the group was overriding individual wishes. That actually is what got me started thinking about this post and its relation to disciplinary councils.

The most obvious examples for me are discussions about the Word of Wisdom (for example, where some members feel like they could handle moderation in some areas and feel like the communal prohibitions are not necessary for them - and, by extension, for many) and discussions of sexual practices (again, where the communal standards for all exclude a minority of members whose individual standards are outside of the communal standards), but I don’t want to narrow the discussion to only those topics. This post isn’t meant to be about any one topic; it’s more the meta perspective that struck me as I was reading about multiple topics.

I have thought for a long time that the central tension in the Church is about defining the line between community and individual, and I also have believed for a long time that there is a real difference between the type of focus that (I believe) must distinguish leadership at “lower” (local) and “upper” (area and global) level leadership. This post is the result of all of that percolating in my head.

One more thing:

I see a big difference in the kind of individualized messages we get in a ward setting, the slightly less individualized message in a stake setting and the much more universal messages we get in General Conference. At the ward level, there can be nuance and personally unique applications, but at the global level the messages can appear to be black and white directives that don’t allow for individual nuance - even when the speakers include multiple disclaimers. The tension inherent in many members who hear the globally standardized directive but not the disclaimers fascinates me.


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Phlutters – Here We Go Again/Part V

The first butterfly emerged today. I came home from an outing and found the newly born winged creature on the screen door. When I did swing the door open the butterfly flew away so quickly I knew he/she was healthy and without any flaw that will keep it from sipping nectar and reproducing in the next few weeks.

And a little sidenote…

My pots of dill have at least eleven new black swallowtail caterpillars munching away. Here we go again…again!

9 thoughts on “Phlutters – Here We Go Again/Part V

    1. Timelesslady

      …and some good news for the bees…my sister is a very successful beekeeper. She has several hives and they produce really good honey and also pollinate her big vegetable garden.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Timelesslady

          I love bees of all kinds. I really enjoy the chubby bumble bees that visit the flowers in my garden. When I see a honeybee I always wonder if it is from my sister’s hives. I only live two miles away and it’s possible they are hers.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Wow ! Wow ! Wow!
    Never ceasing to be amazed at the wonder of new life, and new growths and happy creatures. I love the perception of happiness that comes from new life, the hope and the strength that makes any creature rise up confidently and move forward each day.
    My husband was not eating his breakfast completely this morning. The banana he was eating it with was slushy and so he stopped eating his bamboo cake( made with rice flour and coconut). I told him to eat it fully as he is steadily losing weight- finally, I brought him a tsp of sugar and some ghee and asked him to eat up his cake. He ate with relish and went to work a happy man. Even though we tell everyone to avoid eating sugar, there comes a time when even a teaspoon of sugar can bring happiness in a person’s life. What is life, if no happiness?
    Your posts bring me happiness, Kathy.
    Happy our Lord’s day, Kathy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Timelesslady

      Thanks so much Susie. It was Father’s Day. We heard a special speaker in church, spent time with family, and then we were able to eat together. It was a lovely day.
      I love the way you fixed up the cake your husband was not eating. You sound just like me. You sound like a sweet wife to me. Thanks Susie, Kathy

      Liked by 1 person

Thanks so much for your comments. They fill my life with sunshine.

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The Foundation of Elite Performance

As the buzzer signals the end of a game, Philadelphia 76ers star Tobias Harris also recognizes it as a signal for bedtime. Immediately after a game, he starts getting ready for bed—not exactly what you would expect from an NBA athlete.

When he gets to the locker room, he hooks up to a breathing belt and heartrate monitor and then begins what he calls “quiet time”. It’s a deep breathing routine aimed at lowering his heartrate and slowing his breathing.  He doesn’t just hope for a good night’s sleep; he actively works to improve the quality and quantity of his sleep.

And no, he’s not completely crazy! Like most normal adults, he enjoys watching some TV before bed. But for him, TV and training go hand-in-hand. His iPad is connected to an EEG machine, which reads his brainwaves. Every day for 45 minutes, while he watches his favorite shows, he must maintain a certain level of focus, or else the show turns off. This relatively new “neurofeedback training” is becoming popular with athletes in all sports to improve their mental focus and their sleep.

Harris not only endures jokes from his teammates about his “early bedtime”, but he sacrifices a great deal to ensure he sleeps long and well. Not easy when you are making $16 million a year! Some might argue he should relax a little and enjoy all that hard-earned money. But Tobias, like many other top professional athletes in the world, has acknowledged the overwhelming research on the importance of sleep.

There is a great deal of misinformation and unhealthy stereotypes when it comes to becoming an “elite” athlete. There is probably none more harmful than the belief that if you want to be great, you have to sacrifice sleep. Messages from motivational speakers only perpetuate this belief, like Eric Thomas’s famous line, Most of you don’t want success as much as you want to sleep.” This has led to coaches, athletes, and professionals believing that if they want to be great, they have to work harder and sleep less. And legendary stories of athletes like Kobe Bryant working out all night have created a negative stigma around sleep.

In the last 20 years, both coaches and athletes have appeared to gain awareness and appreciation for the importance of nutrition; something that wasn’t the case 20 years ago when I played basketball. Now, people understand you cannot reach your potential without proper nutrition. Well, research has shown sleep to be even more important than nutrition to reach peak performance, but sleep is still rarely talked about, and few are intentional about planning their sleep.

Four Reasons to Get Sleep as an Athlete

Roger Federer, Lebron James, and Usain Bolt all claim to need 10-12 hours of sleep to be at their best. Why is it so important?

  1. Recovery: When Vince Carter was asked how he was still playing in NBA at 42 years old, the answer was one word: “Sleep.”
  2. Less Mistakes: Sleep improves your ability to focus and concentrate. Research has shown that tennis players received a 42% increase in accuracy with the recommended minimum of eight hours of sleep.
  3. Faster Reactions: Most sports require quick reactions and decision-making. Getting the necessary sleep has shown to improve our reactions and decision-making by at least 4.3%.
  4. Improved Physical Performance: Our cardiovascular and muscular function dramatically decreases when we sleep less than eight hours a night. According to one study, “After four days of restricted sleep, athletes’ maximum bench-press dropped [by] 20 pounds.”

For more information, check out

Don’t Just Dream of Being Lebron; Sleep Like Lebron

But it’s not just quantity; it’s quality of sleep. Lebron James believes “there’s nothing more important than optimal REM sleep”. He spends over a million dollars a year to optimize his physical health.

But you don’t need all the gadgets Harris has, or a million-dollar budget like Lebron to improve your sleep. In fact, the majority of his sleep improvements cost nothing; they are just changes to his habits. Here are the three most important things he does to ensure he gets optimal sleep:

  1. Sets room temperature between 68-70 degrees.
  2. Uses blackout curtains to keep the room dark.
  3. No electronics (e.g., TV or phone) for 30-45 minutes before bedtime.

He’s not the only one disconnecting from technology. Golden State Warriors star Andre Iguodala doesn’t turn on the TV in his room, and he leaves his phone on airplane mode when he turns in.

Try This

  • Review Your Sleep: Many of today’s phones (like the iPhone) can track your sleep. Review a week of your sleep and then reflect on whether you need to make some adjustments.
  • Don’t Bring Your Phone to Bed: Try implementing the #1 habit to help you get more and better After you turn your alarm on, put your phone in the other room or on your dresser away from the bed. This simple habit will help you:
    1. Fall asleep quicker.
    2. Improve the quality of your sleep.
    3. Stop hitting the snooze button in the morning.

Download Our FREE Guide "5 Ways Any Coach Can Improve Their Culture"!

-Raise Standards

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text:
I think this is a poem that should hang in the bedroom of all little girls.

This was posted on a FB Wall. By the time I went back to inbox the poster it was gone. So I am posting without permission, but it was posted on Voluptuous Vixens wall and credited to Caitlyn S. as when the boys come:

“when the boys pull your hair and push you to the ground
during recess
I promise not to tell you that it’s because they like you.
when the teachers call home to tell me that
you pushed them to the ground after you
I’ll take you out of school early and buy
you your favorite ice cream.
when you get older and the boys
try to touch you when you don’t want to be touched
I’ll look at you like the sun when you come home
with anger in your fists.
they all tell you not to fight fire with fire
but that is only because they are afraid of your flames.
when the boys yell after you like hyenas
you yell back, baby.
I will not teach you to be afraid of your anger
so that you look for it in others.
I will not make you be the better person
because you already are.
you wanna fight ‘em? fight ‘em.
don’t you dare apologize for the fierce love
you have for yourself
and the lengths you go to preserve it.
when the boys try to tell you to soften up
I hope you make them bleed with your edges.
I hope you remember that you are not theirs
that their disappointment in you is not yours.
when the boys come to your door with pretty words and
angry eyes
I hope you show them the anger in yours.
I hope you show them just how strong your mommy
thinks you are.
I hope you show them the animal they can’t always
see in their own reflection.
when the boys come with the intention of hurting you
my advice will always stay the same, my darling:
give ‘em hell.”

— when the boys come | Caitlyn S.


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Shampoo "Snake Factor"

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Shampoo "Snake Factor"

This shampoo contains snake lipids which are the source of alpha-linolenic acid. Alpha-linolenic acid forms a natural part of hair. The lipids are the key element in healthy looking hair. The lipid layer weakens as the hair grows. In the areas where this lipid layer is damaged, evaporation of water occurs leading to dehydration of hair roots. These become brittle and acummulate electric charge. The hair becomes weaker, prone to tangeling and difficult to manage. The snake lipids in this shampoo contribute to the renewal of this natural protective layer. With every single use you will see you hair becoming stronger, shinier and well nourished without the need for hair masks and conditioners. It is an ideal shampoo for damaged, brittle hair with splitting ends. It is suitable for every day use. Parabens free.

Apply on a damp hair, massage and rinse thoroughly.

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17 Jan 2021 1 Week Shredder Split Payment Options Trips from £1595

Shred the 3 Valleys’ awesome array of freeride terrain, trees, steeps and open powder fields!

The 3 Valleys offers fantastic freeriding opportunities and during this week we’ll explore and experience some of the best the area has to offer. Led by Cab9 Head Coach and Meribel local Jono Stevens, the course includes 5 full days guiding and coaching, focusing on exploring new areas while at the same time working on the techniques required for riding and accessing off piste terrain and varied snow conditions.

We will also pay particular attention to safety, practicing transceiver techniques and learning how to read terrain and choose the safest lines with the best snow.

This course is aimed at advanced level riders with some freeride/off piste experience. A reasonable fitness level is required as there may be some hiking during the week.

What to Expect

The Coach - Jono Stevens

A well-known face in Meribel having lived there year-round for several years, Jono is known for creating a relaxed atmosphere in his teaching sessions. There's no doubt that he will put the most nervous first-timer at ease, but with the experience and knowledge to ensure that even a technical minded freestyle rider will come away having learned something new.

With his vast knowledge of the 3 Valleys terrain, there's no better coach to guide you safely into the backcountry. Co-Founder of Cab 9 Snowboarding, rest assured his technical pointers and friendly coaching style will push your riding to new levels.

The Chalet

Chalet L'Arclusaz is our beautiful flagship chalet, offering incredible views down the valley either from it's spacious. The comfortable 5 bedroom building will be your lovely home for the week. Rest assured your Chalet Chef and Host will ensure an exciting menu catered to your needs, and the French wine keeps flowing. With warm comforts of a sauna and hot tub, kick back and relax in style after a big day on the hill.

Standard Rate:

4 spots available in our Twin Share Room - £1595

Single Supplement:

2 spots available in our Premium En Suite Double Rooms - £1875

First come first serve - enquire upon booking what spaces are available

Food and Drink

What you eat is important! You'll be riding hard for 6 days, and it's important that your body stays fuelled. We'll be serving up hot cooked breakfasts each morning, spreading up afternoon tea for your return, and then presenting a 4-course meal of energy filled healthy dinners. Wine will be served with the evening meals. We give the chalet staff one night off (Wednesday) so you can hit the town to sample one of the many great local restaurants. Dietary requirements are not a problem, we only ask for this information to be highlighted during the booking stage.

Price Includes

  • Return transfers from Geneva airport onset group transfer (leaving GVA at 15:00 on your Jan 17th, and arriving in Geneva at 13:00 on Jan 24th)
  • 7 Nights in our Luxury Chalet in Meribel Mottaret with hot tub and sauna
  • 6 Days of Cooked breakfast, Afternoon Tea and 4 course dinner with wine. Wednesday is the staff day off, with self-service breakfast and a chance for you to sample the tasty local restaurants in the evening.
  • 6 Day 3 Valleys lift pass
  • 5 Full days of snowboard coaching and guiding from Jono at Cab 9
  • On piste technical development, building a strong foundation into Off piste exploration.
  • 1:6 Instructor Ratio for optimum personal development and safety
  • Off-piste safety equipment provided
  • 1 Day of Photography with TTR Resort Manager Gwilym Thomas
  • Splitboarding & Off Piste Avalanche Training *

* Subject to snow and weather conditions

What's Included

  • Breakfast

  • Lift Pass

  • Shared Accommodation

  • Six Nights Supper

  • Free WiFi

Trip Timeline

Here you'll find a day by day breakdown of your course.

  • Arrival Day

    Make your own way to the chalet before 7pm to get settled into your rooms and have some canapes and prosecco before dinner at 7:30pm. Jono will be around to introduce the week and schedule planned for you.

  • Three Valleys Exploration

    First day of coaching with your Cab 9 backcountry guide. Explore the far reaches of the Three Valleys and start to pick up some techniques which will help when you venture further afield. Learn to use your tranceivers and avalanche gear in a mock-rescue situation and learn about the snowpack and what triggers avalanches.

  • Off-piste Technique Progression

    Further coaching and guiding in off-piste riding. Hopefully the conditions are good and we can start investigating some backcountry runs around Meribel.

  • Rest Day

    A well-deserved rest day from coaching, but feel free to head out riding as a group. Or head to the spa in Meribel Centre, relax in the chalet hot tub or try out Meribel's famous apres-ski!

  • Further Backcountry Guiding

    Put your new skills to use exploring areas off the beaten track and escaping the crowds in the Three Valleys.

  • Departure Day

    Check out time from the chalet is 10am, but we are able to store luggage if required for your transfer time back to the airport and home!

Got a question about this course? Here's the best place to start. If you don't find your answer here, you can request a callback or get in touch using our contact page.

This trip is aimed at advanced riders looking to push themselves in new areas. It doesn't matter if you don't have prior off-piste experience as long as you are a confident snowboarder and keen to give it a go! If you are unsure as to the level of the group or whether it is for you, give us a call in the office on 0208 7888 668 and we would be happy to help.

You will be staying in our flagship chalet, Chalet L'Arclusaz for the duration of the trip. It is close to the pistes and town amenities and benefits from a hot tub, sauna and large open living area and balcony with amazing views down the valley. You will be hosted by our wonderful Ticket To Ride Chalet Staff, who are experienced cooks and great skiers themselves.

Single Room upgrades are available for an additional £280. For this price, you will have a Double Bed and En Suite room all to yourself. Contact us for availability & information.

Wholesome, healthy and nutritious. We are aiming to start the revolution against stodgy and overly-filling, full-of-cream-and-butter chalet food. Instead we love fresh healthy food, influenced by flavours from around the globe, with still a good dose of chocolate desserts and cake in the afternoon! We have developed a menu that aims to sustain throughout a day of skiing but not make you feel like you have put on weight over your holiday! Let us know if you have any dietary requirements and we will cater for them.

There will be a maximum of 6 only on this course.

We get a mixture of people on our camps. The majority are solo travellers and generally people are very keen riders who are looking to progress and do something different with their time in the mountains! We live for snowboarding and adventure so I think our customers often have similar outlooks! All ages are welcome, just have a positive attitude and the confidence to try new things and you'll fit in well.

For the latest travel advice from the Foreign & Commonwealth Office including security and local laws, plus passport and visa information, check www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice.

An all-mountain board should be fine but a powder specific snowboard will be welcome if the snow is as good as it was this year!

As part of this course, we will be including a transfer departing from Geneva Airport at 15:00 on the start date. Therefore, ensure that your arrival time is no later than 14:30 in order to make the transfer to Meribel. On the return, we will include a transfer to Geneva Airport departing from the chalet at 10:00 on the final day of your camp. The average transfer time is 3 hours and check in 2 hours, therefore you should book your departure flight from 15:00.

If your arrival or departure flights fall outside our free transfer times, then get in touch and we may be able to organize a private transfer for you on request at an additional cost, subject to availability. If you do need a private transfer please be aware that transfers are usually only available from 6am to 9pm so try and arrange your flights around these times. Alternatively you can hire a car from Geneva.

Again, if you are planning on coming out earlier or staying on afterwards, please note that you will have to arrange your airport transfers at your own expense.

Straight from the snow

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Business and Event Travel

Business & Event Travel

At the Tidewater Inn, we take great pride in offering business travelers and special event guest’s a comfortable place to lay their head while away from home. We offer corporate and social group room blocks (more than 10 guest rooms) for guests attending an event at the Tidewater Inn or a nearby event venue. For business travelers, we would be happy to extend a special rate for travelers within the same company who are traveling to the Easton area for business on a regular basis.

The Tidewater Inn offers an array of services and amenities to enhance your stay

  • Hunters’ Tavern – Tavern style fare focusing on Eastern Shore inspired cuisine
  • Wired and Wireless High Speed Internet Connection
  • Complimentary Coffee & Newspapers in our Library until 11 AM
  • Business Center
  • Complimentary Day Passes to the Local YMCA
  • Professional Event & Catering Staff
  • Full-Service Catering for Weddings, Special Events and Meetings (space starting at 10 guests)

Please contact our sales team for additional information and pricing.

We look forward to welcoming you and your group to the Eastern Shore.

p: 410.822.1300


text:
Don’t Be Tardy for My Party

…and the parade of sisters continues as well.  Somehow I have managed to inspire (read: subtly threaten) all three of my sisters to contribute their wisdom nuggets to my blog.  Whatever their motivation, it makes me very happy because each of them has a very different style of parenting and I think they are pretty good at what they do best.

Sister B and I are the closest in age.  She was the one who invaded my pink princess canopy bed when she was less than two years old (I was a much more mature five-and-three-quarters) when Sister C came along.  So sue me that I may or may not have deliberately pushed her out of bed every night so our mom thought she wasn’t ready for a big girl bed and she needed to go back into a crib.  What some call “mean” others may describe as “mad genius.”  It’s all in the point of view, folks.

Sister B was the one who was such a baby when our parents went out of town and left our grandmother, Kettle, in charge (whom I so easily encouraged to go back to her own house for the night…”We’re fine!  Go and sleep in your own bed.  You can come back in the morning after you have your Sanka and a good poop.”), that she cried all night during the massive party I threw because she was scared for all of the teenagers who were getting their drunk on downstairs.  I also made her cry every time I queried, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” as she was about to get on the public school bus and I was walking out the door in plaid polyester to my uniform-required high school.  And I think she cried again when we had a fight with pots and pans that scared Sisters C and D into running away to the playground at the end of our street where a little boy asked them if they had gotten their periods yet.  Wait.  Did we grow up in the ghetto?

Anyway, Sister B and I have history.  Real sister history.  I never had to babysit her.  I was never old enough to change her diaper.  We are four years apart in age so we were never really in school together, but we were together all the time otherwise.  And together we survived the crazy that was pretty standard growing up with our family.

I have since apologized on multiple occasions for being mean (or a mad genius) and making her cry all the time.  And despite having a semi-tortured childhood, Sister B has grown up to become one of the women I most admire in this busted up world.  She completed college in three years, had a big-time career, lived in the city, married an incredibly charming and colorful metrosexual and together they have three great kids (an Aspie followed by two neurotypicals).  After settling in suburbia, Sister B was not content to simply rest on the tailgate-ready 3rd row seat of her minivan.  No!  She dove headfirst into the complicated world of extensive therapies for her son with Asperger’s Syndrome, and by working with the best that Atlanta has to offer they made it possible for him to mainstream by the time he was old enough for kindergarten.  And for the past few years she has been el presidente of her kids’ elementary school foundation, where she has led her team to raise over $90,000 for capital improvements for their school (  Yes, she’s that awesome.  And a little bit nuts.

And now I proudly present her post to you…

Don’t Be Tardy for My Party by honorary guest writer, Sister B

Sister A inherited our Mom’s beauty.  Sister C inherited our mother’s cooking prowess.  Sister D, hands down, got Mom’s empathy.  And I got our mother’s profile (well, really just her nose) and her intense passion for throwing a good party.  My 3 sisters are what you might call xenophobes, or homebodies – happy most often to stay at home versus going out on the town.  But Mom and I are kindred spirits in the social sense.

Mom owned a very successful catering company for 12 years.  I have fond memories of growing up on Chelsea Road surrounded by lots of Mom’s friends/employees who descended upon our kitchen like ants to the anthill each week to cut, chop, dice and slice in preparation for the upcoming weddings, bar mitzvahs and anniversary parties.  I was, and still am, so fascinated by her ability to come up with a party idea and pull it off under budget and exceed her clients’/guests’ expectations.

Our mother always makes a big deal out of birthdays.  Growing up in a big family, I realize it wasn’t easy for our parents to always “do it up,” but Mom always did.  She taught me at a young age that with a great theme and a small budget, you could have a party that no one would ever forget.  And that the secret to a fabulous party was always in the details.

When my husband and I were first engaged, we decided to start a gourmet club where friends rotated homes and hosted a themed dinner party once a month.  Our most memorable was our French-themed soiree, complete with a red, white and blue fabric tablescape and a mean coq au vin (did I mention my hubby is an amazing cook?), ¾ liter of vodka, 8 bottles of wine and lots of beer (for only 6 adults)…the cops showed up because we were being too rowdy with our late-night karaoke.  I was excited because I had earned some validation that we still had “it.”  We also started our tradition of a yearly Christmas Open House and quickly learned that hiring a bartender was a necessity in order to actually enjoy conversations with our guests.

Fast forward several years and three kids later and the daunting task of planning our children’s birthday parties surfaced.  Mom didn’t even have to specify that paying a bouncy house or carting the neighbors’ kids to Chuck E. Cheese were not viable options.  Thus began my quest to plan some excellent parties for my kids with great themes and on the cheap.

The year our oldest son turned 4, he excitedly announced to our family that in honor of his upcoming birthday, he would like an airplane party and I gladly accepted the challenge.  I purchased world puzzles, inflatable globe beach balls and packets of cloud-themed tissues for the goody bags.  We decided we needed some entertainment and hired a girl who did face painting and balloon animals.  We made her dress in a navy suit and airline hat and made her a “Pilot Katie” name badge.  When she showed up at our door in a tight skirt and a low-cut blouse with a boom box, all of the dads in attendance sat up a little straighter hoping to get noticed and our next-door neighbor went home to get a few singles.

Super powers include being able to wear this costume after having kids

Our middle son was obsessed with superheroes (like most 5-year-old boys), so we planned a dress-up party with lots of photo ops, complete with our neighbor in a Spiderman suit, Sister C as Wonder Woman, and sister D as Catwoman.  And once again the neighborhood dads were happy with a cooler of beer and some eye candy.  I see a recurring theme here…We started a great and inexpensive tradition of creating a CD as a party favor with songs related to the theme of the party.  The parents, as well as the kids, were excited to hear “Wonder Woman,” the “Theme from Superman,” and “Spiderman,” classics every kid should know and love.

One of our favorite kid parties was our oldest son’s racecar birthday.  Thank goodness the weather was supposed to be beautiful.  My husband reluctantly agreed to my latest crazy creative idea of spray painting individual cardboard boxes and letting the kids and affix stickers/decals and black paper plate “wheels” on their cards upon arrival.  We drilled holes on the tops of the finished boxes and used rope as suspenders so the kids could wear their cars at the party.  When everyone finished pimping their rides, we handed out racecar driver helmets and the kids ran around the neighborhood, checkered flag at the finish line and all.  On the food tables, I used black plastic tablecloths and masking tape to create a roadway with dotted lines, tossed on a few matchbox cars and…voila!…instant table décor and entertainment for the kids while they waited for their food.

For our daughter’s third birthday, she chose a rainbow theme and I talked my husband into creating a balloon arch rainbow in our living room out of PVC pipe.  The look on her face made it all worthwhile.  She couldn’t believe we actually had a rainbow in our house!  We had a dance party to “Over the Rainbow” and other color-themed songs and made rainbow necklaces.  We just threw a magic party for our 8-year-old and all of the kids learned tricks and put on a show at the end of the party.

Several times a year, we host a movie night on our lawn.  It’s an easy party to host because we are not entertaining inside.  Everyone brings food and drinks to share, lawn chairs, blankets and bug spray and our kids and friends love it!  Together we are making memories for our children which they will look back on fondly.  So I challenge you to use a little imagination and creativity and you’ll be surprised at how little it takes to throw a party your family and friends will talk about for years to come… and you just might have fun doing it!

One response to “Don’t Be Tardy for My Party

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