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Better Dorms and Sunken Gardens: Upperclassmen Housing Edition

Randolph Complex. AINE CAIN / THE FLAT HAT

Barrett Hall

By: Marie Policastro

Above: chandeliers. Below: beautiful carpets. To your right: elegant furniture. To your left: weirdly explicit paintings of women. Are you in a dorm or an early 20th century hotel?

Well, actually, both. You’re in an on-campus, upperclassmen resident hall.

Looking back on my time spent in Barrett, there are many luxuries that I miss. I can definitely appreciate the close proximity of both kitchens and showers on each hall.

My favorite part of Barrett had to be the most fabulous window on the landing of the third floor. With a ledge to sit on, this window was a perfect perch to gab with new friends, call home to old ones, and, most importantly, Instagram many a sunset pic.

In addition to said window, the most iconic element of Barrett and the place to best appreciate the beauty of the campus is the porch. Furnished with rocking chairs, this porch is just screaming for an amateur ukulele fest, which I can attest happened many times. The Barrett porch is unique to the hall and definitely adds to the overall sense of hall community.

Nothing makes me sadder than to think that freshmen won’t get to experience the amazing residence life I experienced while living in Barrett Hall, but nothing makes me happier than knowing that every student at the College of William and Mary has the opportunity to live in Barrett Hall for three more years than they would have before.

 The Bryan Complex

By: Matthew Camarda

What the Bryan Complex lacks in personality and character, it more than makes up for in utility and centrality.

As a veteran of Yates, a colossus of anarchy that felt far from civilization, I found the Bryan Complex’s general lack of pandemonium and close proximity to the Sadler Center refreshing. No longer do midnight Wawa runs feel like Lord of the Rings style journeys only to be attempted with trusted companions.

While I cannot speak for the quality of all of the five buildings in the Bryan Complex, I have adored my time in Camm Hall. The floors are vomit-free, the bathrooms are always clean and I’ve always had more than enough space in my double room. And with two laundry rooms in separate but connected halls, I’ve never had to wait for laundry.

Of course, connected buildings means that whenever anyone in any building gets a little too creative in the kitchen, every single alarm in every single building goes off. And the frequency of alarms is inevitably higher since there are five buildings. I will never forget when the shower steam in my hall’s bathroom set off the alarm three times in the same morning.

But if you’re looking for a high-quality, reliable and central dorm on campus, the Bryan Complex can’t be beat.

Dupont Hall

By: Katherine Chiglinsky

When August and its terrible companion of hot temperatures and humidity hits, you’ll be glad to have air conditioning. You’ll be glad to have functioning windows to let in a fresh breeze. You’ll be glad to live in Dupont Hall.

Formerly the Taj Mahal of freshman dorms with its air conditioning and suite-style bathrooms, Dupont faces stiffer competition with upperclassman dorms. But do other dorms have a central fireplace which seems ideal and cozy but no one spends time around? No, and the loneliness of Dupont’s fireplace brings with it a bit of charm.

While it still hosts the memories of many freshmen who have inhabited its space, Dupont transitioned fairly easily to an upperclassman dorm. The suite-style bathrooms give residents more space to claim and reduce waiting time for the shower. The rooms are fairly spacious for two people, with enough floor space to fit beds on the ground, two desks, two sets of drawers and two separate closets built into the wall.

Although being perched on top of a hill makes the trek back to Dupont somewhat strenuous, the dorm’s close location to the Commons Dining Hall, New Campus and the Rec compensates for that uphill climb.

And while they kept freshmen from actually using the fireplace, who knows? Maybe they’ll consider it an upperclassman treat and light that sucker one day.

Fraternity Complex

By: Stephen Bennett

Greek life housing has significantly changed since the Units. We finally have our own homes. We have the ability to meet together and foster stronger brotherhood within the chapter. We have a large meeting space for watching sporting events, hosting meetings, and participating in other chapter events in a single and convenient location. The most enjoyable part of Greek life housing is that we get to live with our best friends. More brothers are capable of cooking meals and studying together than was possible in the Units.

Although proximity has benefited us by making us closer, there are flaws to the Fraternity houses. The houses were finished quickly and it seems some design flaws were overlooked.

We have personal air conditioning units, but they only make incremental changes to the temperature. Some items have broken loose and fallen apart, like door handles or showerheads. Additionally, the bathrooms were not designed with proper drains in the showers. This causes pools of water to stagnate in the bathroom until they evaporate. These design issues make it difficult for chapter members to maintain the house and complicate the tasks of the cleaning staff.

Overall, the houses allow us to spread out; we can keep things in bookshelves downstairs and leave personal items in the bathroom, which is a much better set up than the Units featured. Although a lot of design flaws and constant maintenance make living in the house more annoying than enjoyable, we get to spend a lot of time with our brothers and bond more than ever.

By: Max Cea

I look out my window, down, at the ‘people’ passing by. I take a sip of my 1932 vermouth. “Peasants,” I say, shaking my head and looking up at the framed Donald Trump poster on my wall. He nods in agreement.

I know what you’re thinking: Man, this writer’s an elitist jerk!

But you’re wrong. Within the Jamestown Residences, I am merely a resident. The sequence that I described is normal, with some variation in poster — you’re equally likely to see Mitt Romney and his Bain Capital colleagues posing with money on a given resident’s walls.

Yes, Jamestown is the dorm of every underclassman’s dreams — although, to us, ‘dorm’ is a derogatory term; we prefer ‘living quarters’ or ‘student domicile.’ “What makes Jamestown so great?” you ask. Well, the ceilings are high, the hallways are quiet;, each room comes equipped with individual room-controlled heating and air conditioning, it’s close to everything, and all of the furniture is made of rich mahogany (not really). And did I mention that there are piano practice rooms?

To students who don’t live in Jamestown, the student domicile’s residents can all become generalized as an amalgam of a young Randolph or Mortimer Duke (of “Trading Places”). However, residents really are more like Louis and Billy Rae at the end of the film, when Louis says “Looking good, Billy Rae,” and Billy Rae replies, “Feeling good, Louis.”

That being said, I’ve had a lot of problems with the washers and dryers.

Landrum Hall

By: Jillian Bates

Are you that punctual student who sets his or her alarm ten minutes before class begins? If so, Landrum is the dorm for you.

Landrum is centrally located between old campus and new campus. It is about a five-minute walk to either side of campus, which saves those late-rising challenge seekers a whopping five minutes to pull on acceptable clothing.

The rooms in Landrum are a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of freshmen dorms. They are large enough to fit all of your posters on the walls and still have enough room to leave that convenient wall shelving exposed. Will Ferrell will be pleased with this adequate room space for activities.

One might worry about the lack of closeness and community within Landrum because it is an upperclassmen dorm, but this is not the case. While lying in bed, you will know how the girl above you is doing on her paper from whether or not she is picking up and dropping every piece of furniture in her room. And you will know if the pregame your suite-mate is throwing is a complete success or a total bust.

Landrum’s main attraction is the furniture room. It is the main lounge that is located on the first floor. People travel far and wide to nap on the couches. The room is decorated with beautiful chandeliers, a painting of a scholar, pictures of paintings and dated furniture.  It may look like the break room of an 80s furniture warehouse where the scholar is your boss watching you digest, but it is the comfortable break room of a classy 80s furniture warehouse.

Overall, Landrum is no Jamestown, but it is known for its centrality on campus, quality couches, large rooms and the indirect, unwanted closeness of its community.

The Lodges

By: Zachary Frank

Living in a lodge is a lot like meeting one of your heroes. You idolize him from the moment you hear about him, but then, when you meet him, he won’t sign your copy of Sports Illustrated for Kids, and you realize he’s actually infested with ants.

Seriously, who does Derek Jeter think he is?

Some of the Lodges’ patio roofs come pre-equipped with screws from which you can hang a porch swing/hammock/effigy of your enemies. If you live in one of these lodges: Can I come over? There’s nothing like sitting in a porch swing on a warm summer’s eve, sipping a mint julep and watching the world go by. It’s like a country song.

If, however, you find yourself without a hammock, fret not; the concrete is moderately comfortable.

All of the Lodges come with a working fire place, but unless you and your fellow lodge-mates are of a more industrious bent (read: willing to take a one-time class on fire safety), you’ll spend most of your time looking at it, thinking about how nice it would be to have a fire right now.

Perhaps most importantly, living in a Lodge gives you one privilege that no other residence hall can boast of: the privilege to say, “I live in a Lodge.” People respect you more when they hear you say that.

I know I respect myself more for it.

The Ludwell Apartments

By: Rachel Brown

Ludwell Apartments is the place for people who want to have an apartment while still living in on-campus housing. The apartments may be considered on-campus because they are used by the College of William and Mary, but when you consider the trek from Ludwell 400 to Campus Center, you could make your case for calling Ludwell off-campus housing. Some people refer to Ludwell as “Studwell” because of the alleged attractiveness of its residents; whether that attractiveness is inherent or due to the level of physical fitness required to walk the long distance to campus has not yet been determined.

Ludwell has its perks. It’s the only place on campus with decent parking, although having to drive around the one-way circle that encompasses Ludwell can use up quite a bit of gas. It also has a homey feel with a kitchen (that has a dishwasher!), dining room, living room equipped with semi-comfortable furniture, and a bathroom that doesn’t require shower shoes — though the toilet may require emergency maintenance at times. I live in a quad, meaning that there are supposedly two bedrooms for four people. However, my roommate and I agree that we share not a bedroom, but a walk-in closet that could be considered a bedroom for a small child.  By bunking the beds, we created enough floor space to take two full steps before stepping into the hallway.

Living in Ludwell may not be grand, but it beats dorm life any day. And if you get lucky enough to have the walk-in closet bedroom, you’ll be sure to get close to your roommate.

Ludwell Apartments. HANNAH CHO / THE FLAT HAT
Ludwell Apartments. HANNAH CHO / THE FLAT HAT

Old Dominion Hall

By: Zachary Frank

 Like all great works of art and architecture, Old Dominion raises more questions than it answers. Questions like: Where did that cockroach go? How thin do the walls have to be before everyone can hear me singing Kate Bush? Does the Dominos delivery guy remember my face? I faced such questions and more during my ten-week stay at Old Dominion as a summer school student, an experience that left me with a cursory knowledge of the Spanish language, but more importantly, awe for Old Dominion.

Granted: The fact that I previously lived in the Units may have (slightly) colored my appraisal, but months later, it’s still hard to get over the fact that I could adjust my own air conditioning. Also of note: The ceilings were high. It felt like living in a missile silo in the best possible way. It wasn’t Downton Abbey, but it might’ve been Downton Place (you know, the smaller house from season three, just before the show went downhill). The view from my room was pleasant (the welcoming edifice of Wawa is clearly the best view on campus), and the built-in bookshelves did an admirable job of nagging that I really ought to be reading more.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t spend a few moments on the bathrooms: deep purple tiles that make you feel like you’re showering while swaddled in a medieval king’s robes. Charlemagne didn’t have it this good.

One Tribe Place

By: Jack Powers

You can live in a hotel.

Do you like luxury? Have a taste for the finer things in life? There’s a chandelier, grand piano and grandfather clock — and that’s just the first floor. Like I said, it’s a hotel.

Okay, fine, it’s a former hotel. But still, is Jamestown or Landrum or Barrett a former hotel? Well, besides Barrett, are any of those former hotels? No. Because who would want to spend their hard-earned cash to stay in a drab, well-ventilated room in Jamestown when they could contemplate the majesty of Western Civilization at the former Hospitality House?

Not everybody gets an opportunity like this. Sure, there are some minor complications, like the lack of water fountains, scarcity of room lighting and storage space, twice-weekly fire alarms, and, in general, a pervading sense of oppressive, dry air and existential dread. But did you see that nice floral arrangement in the lobby? Spectacular.

That’s culture, my friends, and you shouldn’t close yourself off from it just because of a few cockroaches. Let the Victorian painting of an English hunting scene outside of your room waft over your senses for an hour or two and you’ll understand.

The Randolph Complex

By: Katie Seifert

The Randolph Complex is the College of William and Mary’s own little spot for small-scale world traveling. Giles, Pleasants and Preston Halls house the Hispanic, French, Africana, Italian, Russian, Japanese, Chinese and Arabic Houses. Here, you will always find people reveling in different cultures, whether through cooking food, watching movies or speaking the language with the native-speaking tutor that lives in each house. These halls all contain rooms around a spacious kitchen, dining room and living room area.

The Language Houses are not the only thing the Randolph Complex has to offer: Cabell and Nicholas are two apartment buildings that are extremely sought after on campus and that go incredibly fast during housing selection.

The two other buildings that complete the Randolph Complex are Harrison and Page, both of which consist entirely of singles and huge lounges.

While the layout of the Randolph Complex can be confusing at first, residents quickly get the hang of it. Not only are residents close to the Commons Dining Hall and the Rec Center, but they also get to enjoy the lounges and study rooms of Tazewell Hall, located at the center of the complex. For many, the Randolph Complex simulates the freshman-hall feel of closeness while maintaining the advantages of being an upperclassmen dorm.

Randolph Complex. AINE CAIN / THE FLAT HAT
Randolph Complex. AINE CAIN / THE FLAT HAT

Sorority Court

By: Ariel Cohen

Just like Hannah Montana, you can have the “best of both worlds” living in Sorority Court. If you’re not quite willing to make the move off campus, the brick cottages just off Richmond Road provide all the benefits of on-campus housing while still maintaining an off-campus feel.

There are no live-in resident assistants; instead there are housing assistants who occasionally walk through while doing rounds. The houses also have kitchens, and if the dishwasher breaks, you can call Facilities Management to take a look at it.

If your classes are on old campus, you can pretty much just roll out of bed and make it to class within three minutes, maximum. If you love cider walks or running through Colonial Williamsburg, you’re right next to Duke of Gloucester Street.

But the best part is that if you’re a people person, you’ll always have multiple people to hang out with. Some people think that the sorority houses are overcrowded, but when else in your life will you get to live with 16 of your best friends? Life in a sorority house is organized chaos. You may get frustrated at times, but you’ll also laugh and create memories. And you’ll do all this just a stone’s throw away from Aromas. What’s not to love?

Tribe Square

By: Julian Samaroo

Tribe Square is a unique dorm. It is apartment style, with four students in each apartment. Unlike Ludwell, every student has his own single, complete with a walk-in closet, slightly upgraded furniture and a full bed (which is awesome). Each apartment has a decent kitchen (silverware and cooking appliances not included) and comes with great furniture, such as a rather comfortable sectional couch, a coffee table and a dinner table. The apartments are spacious and have a lot of room for storage.

In addition to this awesome apartment, the bottom floor of the building houses Subway, Pita Pit, Mooyah and the Crust. Additionally, Wawa and more bars and eating establishments are just a short walk down Richmond Road. And if you have a lot of classes on the Sunken Garden, then it’s less than a five-minute walk to most of those buildings.

As is to be expected, there are some downsides to Tribe Square — one of which is the ultra-thin walls. You can hear everything. As long as you don’t mind hearing loud party music and drunk seniors, you’ll be fine (earplugs are a great investment). Constant fire alarms are the only other issue, as the businesses downstairs can set off alarms in the entire complex. Believe me, the alarms are loud and are set off rather often. All in all, Tribe Square is a great place to live.  I recommend living there if you have money to spend and a great time slot.


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Florida Carpenters Regional Council

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Truths and Myths of Engagement Ring Pricing

Feb. 17 2014
An affordable engagement ring is still affected by the truths and myths of ring prices.

I would love to buy the biggest, most expensive engagement ring I can possibly find for L. Unfortunately, I fall prey, like many others, to the subconscious belief that this will show her just how much I love her.

Of course, on a logical level, I know this is rubbish and knowing L and her frugal inclinations, if I went through with that kind of outrageous purchase she would throw it at me and then tell me to take it back! Affordable engagement rings are a positive reality and might convey an even better message; one that says ‘I care about the security of our financial future and all the opportunities I hope it will provide for us’.

Banknotes, money, cash by Howard Lake, used under a Creative Commons License (

Spending a 3-months salary on an engagement ring is no longer necessary as long as you get creative.

On average, engagement rings cost around £1,800 these days.

In research conducted by jewellery insurers LV, they have found that 38% of men tell their partner what they have spent on the ring.

Only 3% of men have lied to their bride and exaggerated the price.

Many people obviously believe that the ring price is a private matter, but more and more couples are making the decision together. An affordable engagement ring doesn’t have to break your bank. There are plenty of options out there that allow couples to stay within a reasonable spending zone and still get the ring of their dreams.

Surprising Facts about Diamond Prices

Another myth is that the bigger the diamond the better it is, and consequently the more expensive it is. The fact is that a diamond could be 5 carats and just horrible. It really comes down to the 4 C’s, which are cut, colour, carat, and clarity. A smaller stone with a better colour is going to be more expensive than a bigger one with poor colour.

It is more sensible to get a smaller but higher quality diamond than waste your money on a bigger one that doesn’t have all the glitter and shine it should.

Many couples also mistakenly assume that a gemstone like a sapphire, opal or coloured diamond is going to be less expensive than a white diamond. Although this can be the case in some instances, many times a coloured stone can be more expensive than a diamond. It is interesting to know that only one out of one hundred diamonds are coloured which makes them extremely rare. Rare high quality rubies and sapphires are also more often than not marketed as a high luxury items, and are priced high if not higher than a regular diamond.

Finding affordable engagement rings is not a complicated matter. Researching alternative, more affordable stones can open up a world of options as can working with a bespoke designer.

Bespoke rings are inherently more affordable engagement rings as the designer is able to work within your budget, provide less expensive options, and create the most exquisite, 100% unique ring customized just for you.

Their expertise in the field will also provide you with the hard facts you will need to be able to easily differentiate between the myths and the truth.

Meet Independent Jewellery Designers

Anton KataLondon
Amanda Li HopeLondon
Diana PorterBristol
David and Barry McCaulLondon
Maya SelwayLondon


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I have been waiting for a long time for a Canon mirrorless camera. As I have said here, I even bought a Sony NEX C3 to experiment with a mirrorless body (that just increased my appetite for the Canon offering). For months I have been reading the rumors and speculations published online by sites such as canonrumors.com and dpreview.com.  As we all know, the wait ended a few weeks ago with the introduction of the Canon EOS R camera.

I don’t do camera reviews on this site. There are so many people online who do that better than I could that I am content to refer you to them. I am trying to describe my collection and comment on various Canon cameras I manage to acquire and place them in an historical perspective.

A few weeks ago I purchased a Canon R after reading comments and reviews about it. And I am loving it! This is an incredible camera from a non-professional enthusiasts point of view. It is so much fun.

But where does this camera fit in the Canon lineup?

Canon EOS R

This is my new EOS R with an EOS EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens. The beautiful thing about this camera, or at least one of the beautiful things, is that it will accept all of my EF lenses. Using the Canon adapter it is fully functional as if made for the R mount.

Canon EOS R

The top is clean and simple. The hand grip is deep and comfortable to hold. Accessing features takes a little getting used to.

Canon EOS R

The EOS R looks very like its predessessor DSLR’s however it is noticibly smaller.

Canon EOS R

The LCD screen on the back is fully articulated. Here it is shown in the closed position.

The story of Canon cameras can be divided into lens mount eras. As cameras have developed the demands on lenses have changed and this has shaped the development of the lens mount

The rangefinder cameras for years had a Leica M-39 screw mount system with a flange distance of 28.8mm. These were manual lenses in which the user had to set the focus and the aperture. These cameras and lenses are generally referred to as the “S” series. This lens mount was adequate for the rangefinder era.

In March of 1959, under pressure from their competitors, Canon introduced the Canonflex SLR camera. The camera had a mirror inserted into the light path which flipped up when the shutter was triggered allowing the light to pass to the film. A flange distance of 28.8mm was not sufficient. Not only that but Canon wanted to have a lens that stayed fully open for focusing which required a certain amount of communication between lens and camera body. A new lens mount was necessary along with new lenses. The old “S” lenses could not be mounted on this new camera with its 42mm flange distance so new lenses were required. Enter the Canonflex R series of lenses.

Canon EOS R

With no lens or EF adapter an the camera the shutter that closes over the sensor when the camera is off  is clearly visible.

Canon EOS R

The LCD screen opens the same way as it does on my 60D, which is very useful in the field, and it contains much more camera information.

 The Canonflex did not do well in the market and in April of 1964 Canon introduced the Canon FX, the first of the very successful “F” series. And with it came a slightly modified lens mount, the FL mount. It still maintained the 42mm flange distance and, although it had a quick return mirror, still required aperture to be set manually.

Market pressure kept forcing development of new features and at the time through the lens metering was becoming important. The R and FL mounts did not adequately provide for this.

Once again a change was needed to meet the new demand and in March of 1971 Canon introduced the FD lens mount with the F-1 camera. This was basically the FL mount but provided for lens aperture information between camera and lens and automatic setting of the aperature. Flange distance was unchanged. The FDn lens mount made the FN more of a bayonet mount but nothing else changed and the FD and FDn are interchangeable.

Canon EOS R

With no lens and the EOS adapter off the camera the shutter that closes over the sensor when the camera is off is clearly visible.

Canon EOS R

EF and EF-S  lenses can be used on the Canon R with no degradation in function. It is as if they are native to the camera. This means all of my EF glass is still useable.

Canon EOS R

Because I am using my old EF lenses, for now, the EF adapter stays on my Canon R, as shown here. Eventually, when the budget permits, I will venture into the new RF lens made specifically for this camera.

Canon EOS R White Paper

Before releasing the actual Canon R camera Canon published a very interesting discussion paper on the present state of the EOS system and why it needed to change. This is a very interesting publication and well worth an hour of your time.

Canon EOS R User Manual

The Canon R is a new  and requires a new way of thinking about your camera. When you buy the R body there is a User Manual in the box to get you started. But it is not the full manual. That you get online. This is the book you go to to learn how to use this camera. Read it here or download it to your hard drive and study it with camera in hand. It’s fun and every day I learn a new trick or two.

 The FD mount served well for many years, however, the market intruded again: autofocus had arrived. The venerable FD and FDn mounts had no provision for communicating focus information back and forth or moving the lens forward or back.

Canon made some difficult decisions at this point concerning the development philosophy of their lenses and history has shown them, with hindsight, to have been very wise. They chose to include the necessary focus motors in the lenses themselves and not in the body of the camera. And they decided to do away with mechanical linkages in favor of an all electric communication lens to body and back. This became the EOS (Electro Optical System) system introduced in 1987. The first camera mount in the system was the EF (Electro Focus) which was followed by the EF-S and the M mounts.

Flange distance on this mount was 44mm, the largest yet in the Canon lineup. It meant that earlier lenses, to be adapted to the EF mount, would not achieve infinity focus without an adaptive lens.

This was hard on users who had big investments in FD glass and there were many complaints. But few would argue today that Canon did not make the right decisions.

So, here we are, with a new camera and a new mount, again. Why? The RF mount, introduced with the Canon R, is physically similar to the EF mount and they look very much alike. There are a few more electrical contact pins but that is the only obvious difference.

But think about the layout of the camera. By removing the mirror there is no further need for the long flange distance of the SLR style camera. And for reasons of optical engineering, which totally escape me, the wide mount diameter combined with short focal distance allow for the creation of more precise lenses. So this camera has a flange distance of only 20mm.

Wait a minute! That is shorter than any of the other flange distances in the previous Canon lens mounts. Hello! That means that all previous Canon lenses, with appropriate adapters, will be usable on this camera. There is already an FD to RF adapter and more are sure to follow. In fact, almost any lens from any camera can be adapted to this body. They will be manually operated lenses but for those of us who love to play with our cameras and lenses, this is a boon. That alone justifies the investment in this camera, at least, for me.

A brilliant stroke of genius has been the creation of adapters for EF and EF-S lenses so that they function flawlessly. I am staying with my EF lenses for now so that I have backward compatibility with my earlier gear. The same lenses for both systems. Why not when they function equally well on both.

I hear that the new RF lenses are incredible and eventually I will acquire them but they are pricey and so they can wait.

In operation this camera is a new experience. Many of the settings are unfamiliar and I am experimenting with the camera and reading the manual daily. This requires study and I wonder if the casual shooter will be comfortable with this camera.

I like the size of it: smaller than my 5D II or 60D and more on a par with my XTi. Good to hold, the controls are positive with a good solid feel. That said, this camera has received much criticism. However, no mater what Canon came out with there would be those who felt a different way would have been better. I cannot speak as a professional, but as an avid enthusiast, this is a great camera and I can work around the rough spots. For me, the Canon R is a dream come true.


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What Causes a Church to Grow?

Date recorded: 25 May 2016 | Speaker: Oivind Augland | Event: ELF Workshop

Why do some churches grow while others stop growing? What are the causes of stagnating churches and what can be done? How have church leaders tried to manage church transition in the past, and what can we learn from them about how to maintain healthy growth? This talk goes through the different growth stages of the local church and sees how church planters or pastors can responsibly lead their churches into spiritual and numerical growth.


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Saturday, January 23, 2010

I Am A Light Bulb

I am a lightbulb. A self aware lightbulb. I am lit when I am born and I go out when I die. The light switch may be shower or faster depending on circumstances but that’s the general idea. As a self aware lightbulb I get more and more convinced of myself the longer I last. I learn about my lightbulbness through history lessons and civics classes at lightbulb school. I learn that I am an American lightbulb of the majority white light male variety and that I have certain privileges associated with that. Because I was made in the same shop as some of my elder bulbs I look like them and I come to see myself as part of the family. I develop family loyalties.

The longer I last before my filaments give out the more attached I become to my self definitions. I see myself as the culmination of thousand of years of historical lightbulb generations and I really feel my weight. I am important. Sometimes I think that something as important as I am can’t just quit so I look around for a way to salvage my self. What would I do without me?

Extra-natural theorists tell me that there is an after glow for bulbs like me. They say that under certain circumstances and after a certain exemplary lifetime I may continue on to another sphere of existence. I like this idea because it gives me more time to be with myself.

The nuts and bolds crowd tell me that I am only made of wire and glass and when I go out that’s it. This is disturbing to me because I don’t like the idea of seeing myself when I’m burnt out. I imagine sitting next to my lifeless bulb self for eternity. All that darkness. The first idea is better so I go for that one. There are some unscrupulous characters who pretend to have some secret knowledge and they try to frighten me with stories of bad places and after burnout miseries. They say that they can help me to stay in the good graces of the Great Candelabra so that I will more likely be recycled. I don’t know what to think, but just to play it safe I do the behaviors and tithe.

The realists say I’m being silly and the extra-naturalists say okay, but what if I’m wrong? Better to be on the safe side. So I walk the fence. I “keep an open mind.” Then one day I have a vision, a dream. And in that dream a magical electrician speaks to me and he makes a lot of sense. This is what he says.

First of all he says that being alive as a self awareness is like being a focused point of light. There has to be something to focus that light through, he says, and in my case its’ my lightbulb self. Before that self came into being the light was diffuse. Then he asks me if I can remember anything from before I was born. I say no and he says that’s because I didn’t exist. The “I” that he is referring to is the focus point that I call “me.” Through years of life as a fully operating focus point lightbulb I get used to myself and seriously define myself as a Subject. I won’t take no for an answer, I am Somebody, damn it! Then he says that at the moment of death the light doesn’t just go out it loses its focus point and goes diffuse again. This is because the wire and glass that is my physical bulbness craps out. There is no “me” to survive afterwards in any definition because “I” was the focus and that’s all gone now.

“What about my light,” I say, almost pleading for immortality?

He smiles and says, “It’s diffuse, gone like smoke.”

Then he tells me to imagine a glass of water and an eye dropper. He tells me to imagine putting the eye dropper in the glass and sucking up a little. Then squeeze until one drop hangs above the glass. “That’s you,” he says, “an individual. Now squeeze some more until that individual drop falls into the glass.” I see it in my mind. “It’s still there,” he says, “but you will never find it again. You can take another drop out of the glass but it will never be the same one.”

“I guess I’ll find out when I die,” I say and he says, “No you won’t. There will be no you to do the finding out. That’s the hardest part of this whole thing. But it’s very democratic. It happens the same way to everybody.”

I must have looked disappointed or something because put his hand on shoulder and said, “But there is an after life.”

“There is?”

“Of course. Just like Martin Luther King Jr’s afterlife is happening today. And Beethoven’s afterlife happens in the symphony halls. It’s what the world does with you after you’re gone.”

“Then some people don’t get one. Everybody can’t be famous. Most of us are anonymous.”

Again he smiled. “Everybody leaves and impression, everybody is essential. Beethoven wouldn’t have amounted to a hill of beans without an audience. And Martin Luther King Jr had to have all those people to march with and come hear him speak. Don’t fooled by spectacle.”

I had a realization, and then I woke up.

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Monday, January 18, 2010

This Is Not the Original Starbucks

Saturday, January 16, 2010

If There Is A God How Come We Don’t All Know About It?

The question in the title is simple and obvious but it doesn’t seem to get dealt with very much, at least not out in the open. Think about it: a one true deity (or 40, or 50 of them, depending on your version), all powerful, all knowing, always there at all times. Creator and destroyer, best friend and worst enemy. With a plan and a morality and a penal code for breaking commandments. The original source and the final destination. Wouldn’t we all know about it? Wouldn’t we all get born knowing? In the real world everybody knows about the wind, and the rain, and the sunset. It’s just there. Wouldn’t we also know about god? We all know that it hurts to get hit with a brick. Wouldn’t we also know about a great supernatural personality hovering right there over our shoulders?

Why do we have to be convinced? And why do those who are already convinced have to re-convince themselves over and over again? Are they afraid they’ll forget? Why is the most dangerous tool in the devil’s arsenal The Doubt? Isn’t the doubt just the first foot in the door to discovery? Wouldn’t we still have small pox if somebody didn’t doubt that it was incurable? Wouldn’t we still have slavery if some people hadn’t doubted that it was the natural order of things? And am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that Christians take credit for abolition when the institution itself was biblically sanctioned? Isn’t it almost impossibly crazy that slavery is both scripturally endorsed and condemned? Can you really have it both ways if you believe strongly enough?

Mother Teresa explained in diary how her purpose in Calcutta was to harvest souls for Jesus. She wasn’t there to heal the sick, or to alleviate their suffering. She didn’t even give people any pain medication. All they had was aspirin. And it wasn’t for of lack funds - when she got sick she got heart surgery and a pace maker. But treatment for the poor of Calcutta was never her intension. She was harvesting souls. And for that to happen people had to die first. That’s why she baptized them at the last minute. But again, if there is only one true story, one true god, why the baptism? What are they baptizing you away from? What other story are they protecting you from?

In the Bible, in Luke 19:27, King James version, Jesus is quoted as saying, “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.” Is this really the Prince Of Peace? Damn! You could use a quote like that to do all sorts of damage. Columbus, the Inquisition, Salem. And you could truly say that you were a follower of Jesus. Yes you could! Pat Robertson is not a fake Christian, he is true to the fold. As was Jerry Falwell. You can wring your hands and ask for clarity, you can blame it on the translation, but the fact remains: these are the words that are attributed to the Lamb Of God in the book which was written by the Hand Of The Almighty. Scary, isn’t it?

I’ve been doing a lot of digging into this stuff over the past few years, as you can probably tell. I was raised agnostic and quite naturally became atheist over time. Anything else is embarrassing. It’s like walking through a smoky hall of mirrors, a land that is reflective of our own real world but does not actually connect to it. It informs the opinions and values of many of our fellow travelers but does not ever truly affect either the outcome or the beginnings of our situational existence. As far as I can tell religion by itself amounts to almost nothing. People gaze into the interior of colored Easter eggs and see angels. That’s fine. But when religion partners with politics, when it gets in bed with the State with all of its police, courts, armies, and so on – all of its thug force - now it becomes dangerous. Now we have the Dark Ages.

Billy Graham was the official State Magician of America for years. He ministered to several successive administrations. Whenever there was a war he was in the White House on his knees with the President praying for the success of the bombing raids. He had weekly lunches with Ronald Regan, talking about the end times, looking for signs in Middle Eastern affairs that would signal the approach of Armageddon. A nuclear war, they knew – and they said as much – would be good for god’s plan. It would bring on the Second Coming. Why was Billy Graham not publicly denounced as a dangerous psychopath? Is religion really that strong?

I think I might have an insight. I remember reading about a photographer back in the 1800s who traveled extensively throughout the West taking pictures. Sometimes it got dangerous. When they asked him how he kept safe he told then that if he found himself surrounded by hostiles he would play crazy and they would let him alone. There seems to be a universal human taboo against hurting crazy people. I used it myself once in New York City, 40 years ago. It was just instinct. I was surrounded by young toughs on a deserted street with no help in sight. One of them had a knife, I had nothing. So I played crazy, it felt like the right thing to do and it was. After a short harassment they left me alone. Is this what religion does? Do we tolerate madmen and obvious charlatans because they have faith? Do we feel sorry for them the way that we feel sorry for people with mental disabilities? Is it a no-go area like making fun of retarded people? It certainly seems so. When a devout person makes an obviously stupid faith-based comment most people get a little quieter and change the subject. Do the faithful do this on purpose?

Again, I am suggesting that religion itself is nothing, and nothing to worry about. It is the political power that counts. And I think that for the purposes of overall progress and the advancement of the human condition it is correct, at least at this point, to continue to use tolerance in the presence of such belief. But we must we very careful about where to draw the line. Religion should under no circumstances be allowed to infiltrate into our national affairs. They should stop swearing in Presidents on the Bible, they should stop opening congressional sessions with prayer, and they should take all magical references off of our money and documents. The State, if nothing else, must be atheist. In over 200 years we have elected no one other than male Christians. We finally have a black man in the White House, and that’s good. Some day a woman. Maybe some day a Buddhist, a Jew, a Hindu, even (gasp) a Muslem. Some day a lesbian, some day an openly gay man. And some day, some day an atheist.

A parting shot: One day about 20 years ago I stopped to get gas a local convenience store. A banjo player friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in ages suddenly stepped out of a blu van on the other side of the pump. He was wearing grease stained overalls and his hands were real dirty. Donny,” I said, “I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you? What you been doing?” “I just finished putting a new transmission in that van. I’ve been taking care of those two wonderful men,” he said, motioning toward the two figures in the van. “They are so wonderful! They don’t use money. They live entirely on faith!” “Donny,” I said, “you just did hours of work for them for nothing. At an auto shop it would have cost real money. They don’t live on faith – they live on labor like everybody else.” He looked at me like I just didn’t understand. And I still don’t

It’s like coming out of the cave after a long winter. There are still shadows everywhere, long solid arcs of darkness obscuring the countryside. We hear sounds but we can’t see what they are. We imagine things. We are prey to the carnivores. We stick close to the fire, we are afraid of the dark. But the sun is rising now and the day is getting light. The shadows are receding and the sounds are only the falling leaves or running squirrels. Disease is no longer demon possession, witch doctors are obsolete. We know that we are not the center of the universe, that there is no malevolent intelligence directing the floods and the earthquakes. We can take these ancient weights off of our shoulders and stand up straight. What a relief

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Nickelsville, and the Ugly Underbelly Of Seattle

Seattle was always a pretty good town, but it’s got a mean streak. Just ask the Wobblies, they’ll tell you. Or anybody who was here during the WTO. Or anybody these days in Nickelsville.

Seattle was a little salt water town when I got here, small and friendly. You could talk to almost anybody. I always sat down at the front of the bus and talked with the driver. You could spend an hour buying a tube of toothpaste in the drug store, telling stories, where you’re from, about the weather, anything. I once walked into KING TV and told them that I had a song they should put on the news and they did. It was human back then.

But there was always a group of people who wanted more. They wanted to be like New York, or Los Angeles. They wanted to be “something,” to have penthouses and limousines. They wanted Seattle to be on the map. Well, they got their wish. And they got all the arrogance and stupidity, the swagger and pomp that comes with it. New money is real full of itself. New money sticks out its chest and pushes people out of the way to get there first. New money thinks it deserves it.

Balzac once said, “behind every great fortune is a crime.” I think he was right. I’m not saying that everyone who is well off is a criminal, but I am saying that this is a criminal system and behind the boardroom doors are some real shady characters doing some real shady deals. Massive accumulations of money have to come from somewhere; somebody has to get along with less so that someone else can have more. It’s just common sense: There are four people in a life boat with four gallons of fresh water. The successful capitalist will gather up most of it, say three of those gallons. On TV and the game shows it looks like a winner, but in that life boat it just looks like greed.

So, on to Nickelsville…. We all know that poverty is an issue mostly of irritation as far as the media is concerned. In the depths of the system it serves a useful purpose, keeping wages down with a surplus labor pool willing to work for almost anything, and sending a fear through the private lives of those who might want to be socially inventive. “Better finish school or you could wind up like that!” But for the most part it’s just a nuisance. Who are these people and how dare they take up space in my clean city! I paid for it goddamnit! Get ‘em the hell out of here.

The Times ran a story a few days ago about Nickelsville being forced yet again to relocate, this time to a park. Same old same old. But the reader comments were really scary. And I can’t be the only one who finds it this way. Here’s an example: Some guy who calls himself “The Truncheon” said: “Time for the cops to unsheath their truncheons and get these bums ‘moved on’... to involuntary institutionalisation at De-Tox facilities, work-camps, or insane-asylums.” Someone called “tsgt” said: “Time for ICE and the SWAT teams to get THEIR truncheons out to clean up and DEPORT the illegals and their so-called ‘gangs’ (barbarian invaders).” I’m not making any of this up. “Vitamin G” said: “tsgt.. yeah, suppose your right on this one... maybe we can figure out how to make biodiesel with them... gotta have plenty of booze running through their pipes..” “Magog”says: “They should be sent to work camps and forced to earn their keep. All them jobs we give illegals can be theirs. they can shift though garbage all day sorting class items form plastic items and paper items. Minimum stay five years to make sure they sober up and learn to work for a living and stop asking people to pay their way.”

Now, aside from the obvious lack of viable mentalities in these folks there seems to be a truly nasty mean streak. I mean, these posters are actually suggesting things that would have been normal in the early days of the Reich. So I jumped in with my own two cents. I called myself “SongTool.” I don’t have my posting anymore – it was deleted by the moderator – but I can tell you generally that I referenced the postings above – especially the one from The Truncheon and I made a direct comparison to the early Nazi rantings. I was pretty clear. Now, above each posting is a link that says “log in to report abuse.” I assume that Mister The Truncheon reported me. Here’s his follow up after I was deleted:

“I see ‘song fool's’ pandering comments have been removed. Personally, even 'tho I was attacked, I don't see exactly why, other than being compared to a NAZI.

”That term and comparison get thrown around A LOT these days. The NAZI's were SO BAD that there is really no comparison at all. There is a BIG difference between stating a desire for, and solutions to, basic law and order requirements for society, and a genocidally brutal and sadistic police state.

”Read your history... also read some history about how civilizations rot and fall in part because of the breakdown of the rule of law, and the cancerous growth of anarchy in all it's guises.”

(Pandering? How did he come up with that…) The Truncheon makes the usual right winger’s leap – ignoring the fact that the regime started out small, with grotesque calls for the systematic bothering and eventual eradication of undesirables. First they talked about it, then they did it. In fact, an international precedent was set after the fall of Germany that to propagate genocide, in all of its forms and stages, was to be considered a crime against humanity. It was part of the Nuremburg Principles.

I wish I knew who these people were – The Truncheon, tsgt, Magog. But they remain nameless and hidden. And I would like to ask the moderator, or whoever it was who deleted my post, how it is that pointing out the historical similarities of somebody’s publicly expressed ideas to the ideas of fascism is somehow worse than calling for “the cops to unsheath their truncheons and get these bums ‘moved on’... to involuntary institutionalization…” I am not calling for the beating of homeless people – The Truncheon is!

The Truncheon – come out, come out wherever you are. You and your friends – come out and say these things in public. Let’s have a public conversation. Let’s have a round table discussion in front of an audience. I think that would be good. Not a debate, just a talk. How about it?

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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Goodbye Joe

Sad news: Joe Paquin has passed away, June 30th 2009. I got the email from TJ Politzer, old friend and mutual musician. Not much I can say, at least not any better than this – ripped off from the web site

“Our dear friend, Joe Paquin, lost his 6 year battle with cancer yesterday, June 30th 2009. At his side were fellow SunDogs Tom Rigney(Flambeaux) & Jimmy Hobson. Just Sunday he said "The Death Card was a tough one, but I revel in the Mystery of it all," showing his true bravery and continued curiosity for life and it's many faces. A Vietman Veteran, A Peace Activist, A husband, A father, A friend, and A great musician, Joe is survived by his wife Nancie, son Luke of the band Hot Hot Heat, and the many musical brothers & sisters he touched along the way. Joe was a resident of the town of Fillmore in Central California, and formerly called Marin County his home for over 10 years.”

Here’s the web site itself:

Everybody was on Joe’s side, how could you not be. That we had him with us as long as we did to inspire and to uplift with music humor and plain humanity is something to be thankful for.

Thanks Joe.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Joe Paquin

Speaking of great players… Let me introduce you to Joe Paquin. I’ve known Joe for a long time. He used to be in a Northwest hippie/country band back in the early seventies, I think they were called Swift Current. I played their breaks back then, along with everybody else’s, but never really hung out with them. Fast forward to the mid eighties and Joe’s playing with a California band called the Sundogs. He’s writing songs, playing electric guitar and washboard. My old friend TJ Politzer was also in that band and that’s how I got to be there. They a blending of Cajun, R&B, Funk, and straight ahead Rock and Roll. They were good. Anyway, I liked Joe’s song writing and we hung out a few times, even drinking a little red wine once to see if we could collaborate. We collaborated on the bottle but not much else happened.

Then time went by and Joe got sick. Stage four colon cancer, not a good thing. But Joe was a Marine in Vietnam and he’s hard to kill. He doesn’t lie down and give up when you tell him to. Besides, one of our mutual friends works at Genentech, a genetic research company just south of SF. Now, we all know people who make the sign of the cross at the mere mention of genetic research – all they can see if Frankenstein and the end of the world. Global mutations, creeping humanoid sludge and all that sci fi stuff. The truth is that Helga, that’s the friend’s name, goes to work every day thinking that this might be the day when they make that breakthrough and find the cure for cancer or aids or Hep C. No cures yet but there have been improvements. And Joe has become almost a poster child for the new medications. His attitude never goes cold and his will to survive is solid. Every time I see him he’s got something new.

A year or so ago I added one of Joe’s songs to my repertoire, a tune called Pray For Peace. It’s a great song, about a Vietnam vet who drinks all the time and prays for piece while he’s at it. I could never write a song like that because I didn’t have that experience, but Joe did and he lets me sing it. Thanks.

There’s another one I’m going to learn called Little Winnebago. It’s the only song I’ve ever heard that takes a positive view of people who travel in motor homes. It’s easy to trash them, and to trash the whole culture for that matter – it’s like trashing trailer parks and working class lifestyles in general - but if you spent 40 years working for some company and finally got to retire with a little money put away, you might just want to see the country in style. And you might just have earned it too.

So here’s a little You Tube clip to give you some idea. Go check him out, see him do a gig. You won’t be disappointed.

Pray For Peace

Just A Kid

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Friday, June 12, 2009

Time In San Francisco

I’m in San Francisco right now – have been for over a week and will be until the 21st. I love it here, it’s one of the most beautiful places on earth. I grew up down in Cupertino, so this is my old stomping grounds. I graduated high school in 1967, the Summer Of the Big Buzz, and flew right into the waiting arms of Augustus Stanley Owsley The Third! My brain cracked like an over excited light bulb, and I almost drowned in the stained glass worlds of extra dimensional holographic lucidities. It was the time of the home coming napalm terrors, with me and my childhood friends running in cosmic circles around and from the police, in all their many forms. Nothing was ever the same after that. I can go back there in a flash just by going to Golden gate Park.

I’m house sitting here for my friends Richard and Helga who are in Europe on Holidays. I have a few gigs around the area, making a little money so I don’t have to eat off of other people’s plates in the cafes. I played in Fairfax and San Anselmo, Santa Cruz and Pescadero. Soon I do a barbecue in Santa Clara and an Irish bar in san Francisco. Then a gig at winery in Murphy, in Sierra foothills. I drive back up north after that, stopping to see my dad in Medford.

I don’t know how I’m going to do it yet but I need to connect with Michael O Connelly, in Santa Cruz. He’s calling himself Michael O these days and plays with a harmonica player named Virgil Slaughter. (why can’t I have a name like that? What’s with this “Jim Page” nonsense? Why not Homer Destroyer, or William the Decimater?) Anyway, his gigs don’t seem to correspond with my empty spaces. Here’s a little You Tube thing to give you an idea. I go back 42 years with Michael O, and that kind of time doesn’t slide by easily. That carries some weight.

He and I were part of an amazing and magical scene down in Los Gatos in the late 60s. It was me, Michael O Connelly, Chris Ramey, Billy Dean, and Pat Simmons – it was unknown and invisible to anybody who wasn’t in the loop but it made a big impression on me. I left on New Years Day, 1970 – hit the hitch hiker’s road to New York City. The scene went on without me and people went their separate ways. Pat Simmons went on to form the Doobie Brothers. Chris Ramey became the greatest bar singer around, and had the drinking capacity to prove it. Billy Dean died while playing a three day biker party, the way I heard it. And O Connelly moved off into the distance, living in Central America for a while, and later on winding up in Amsterdam with one of life’s habits. Ramey’s dead now too, he passed on about 4 years ago, so there’s not many of us left. Just Pat, Michael and me. Michael was old friends with Robert Hunter, of Grateful Dead fame, and Ramey was one of the original Pranksters, so that’s how that circle goes. Life goes on and there are too many stories to ever all get told. Maybe some of them will leak out from time to time. Maybe I can help in the process.

Anyway, I promised to myself that I would get this blog thing going again. And I promised my writer friend Danny Morrison that I would practice. So here goes.


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Catching Up with FONT Music 2015 Artist: Brandon Ridenour

The ongoing question of “How do we save classical music?” has been looming for years it seems.  Luckily, in the creative world, multiple ensembles are not just asking the question, they are finding unique ways to SOLVE it.  FONT Music 2015’s opening concert “Without A Frame” will be held at Rockwood Music Hall on Thursday September 24 at 8:30 where we will be featuring three of contemporary classical music’s forward looking, genre bending “classical” ensembles – yMusic, Asphalt Orchestra and Founders.  It’s hard to truly call them “classical” groups as they start in one camp and jump constantly around to countless others. We’ll be spotlighting these groups in the next few weeks to give you a sneak peek for this exciting evening.

brandon 1Today we catch up with FONT Music, Canadian Brass and Juilliard alumni and all around great trumpeter, pianist and musician, Brandon Ridenour.  What doesn’t he do?  We’re still trying to figure that one out.  His latest musical project brings together 5 classically trained musician in a more “Singer Songwriter” setting – bringing both covers of multiple genres and originals to listeners ears.  If this is what the future holds for classical music, I think we’re in for a treat.  Here’s what Brandon had to say to us!

Thanks for chatting with us Brandon.  You’re not a stranger to FONT Music.  You played a few years back, right?  What did you present then?

The last FONT Music concert I recall being involved in was back in 2008. I played an arrangement of mine of Messiaen’s Quartet for the End of Time – written for trumpet w/ electronic effects, electric guitar, bass guitar, synthesizer, piano, and auxiliary percussion.On a Messiaen side note, Thomas Bergeron’s “Sacred Feast” features works of Messiaen reinterpreted on Sept 25 at The Dimenna Center this year (coincidence?  Maybe…).  This year you’re coming back to us with a whole new project – singer-songwriter meets classical.  A match made in heaven, in my mind.  Tell us a bit about this group.

Founders is the group I’ll be playing with at FONT Music this year. It’s a singing-songwriting group of classical musicians. I was told the working theme of this FONT Music event was something like “Indie Classical”.brandon founders  So yeah, you could call us that. We do some originals, some arrangements. Sometimes there are vocals, sometimes not. The other instruments are violin, viola, cello, bass. I alternate between trumpet and piano depending on what the song calls for. Like yMusic, we might appear to be a classical group, but we don’t necessarily sound classical. Better to experience it in concert than for me to keep rambling about it…Yeah, we’re looking forward to the experience, but we don’t mind your rambling.  Give us a rundown as to what you’ve been up to over the years since your days at Juilliard.

I played with the Canadian Brass from 2006-13. My father and girlfriend are both professional pianists, and I play trumpet/piano

canadianbrass concerts with them quite often. I’ve also been performing a new piece I wrote for solo trumpet and orchestra – based on Paganini’s theme from Caprice No. 24.I’ve also started an ensemble called Useful Chamber, which I direct. It’s a chamber ensemble collective that brings the classical sound
world to singer songwriters. The ensemble’s instrumentation is flexible, but always acoustic. Could be as small as 3 instruments, orbrandon 2as large as a 20 piece chamber orchestra. Our debut album “A Dream Within A Dream” uses the full ensemble, featuring a major mixture of musical minds. Melodies are intertwined from Debussy, Mahler, Glass, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, and current writers/singers Leila Adu, Elliot Cole and….me. It’s a fun project. Maybe FONT 2016??Doesn’t sound like a bad idea … we’re really looking forward to Sept 24th!  Thanks for chatting with us!

Check out Brandon Ridenour’s website:
Check out Founders website:
Check out this video of the Founders recording session:


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Restaurant Review: Baba’s Pierogies

Posted by Florian in Slovak Cuisine, tagged with ,

A note about my restaurant reviews: New York City counts many Eastern European restaurants scattered across the five boroughs, most of them ignored by restaurant critics and diners alike. I intend to visit as many as I can and report!

The culinary gransploitation continues! After Babushka Café, we’re visiting Baba’s Pierogies in Gowanus, Brooklyn. And it’s starting to look like the only thing Eastern European grannies know how to cook is dumplings. This time, the little bundles of Proustian bliss hail from Slovakia, the motherland of the eponymous and omnipresent Baba. On the web site, on the awning, on the walls, on the menu… You won’t see the octogenarian in the flesh, but her dough-kneading spirit will follow you until you hop back to the subway.

Yes, Baba’s Pierogies’ Baba is very real. Edible Brooklyn tells the whole story here. When visiting the restaurant, you can see a kind of fotonovela of Baba’s life on the wall of the dining room (thankfully without speech bubbles). In my interpretation, it goes something like this: Baba stands in her Slovak kitchen, Baba gets tired of dialectical materialism, Baba goes West, Baba stands in her new American kitchen, Baba enjoys normal materialism.

The eatery is pretty small, with just a dozen seats or so, and the decor fairly simple, with the reclaimed wood that Brooklyn and the people who love Brooklyn seem to love so much. As you’ve probably guessed, the menu is pierogi-centric: choose between 8 different savory kinds, have them boiled of fried, then add extra topics and/or dips. The dips are probably where the decision overload hits me, and I’ve never ordered any. If that’s not enough food for you, there are more pierogies for dessert. But there are other options too (at least for the savory food), such as a few sandwiches and salads, as well as kielbasa and schnitzel bites.

The pierogies here are made to order, and you can admire the owner (Baba’s granddaughter Helena) at work in the open kitchen. The pierogies all share some characteristics. The flour dough isn’t too thick, which I appreciate. They have a perfect filling-to-dough ratio. When boiled, the dumplings are quite tender, tossed in melted butter and topped with chives. When fried, they can feel slightly dry. Maybe that’s why they’re all served with sour cream, by default. They must be fried in a pretty small amount of oil. When I don’t want my pierogies to feel even a little bit greasy, I don’t order them fried.

But there’s something that particularly strikes me: they’re nothing like the pirohy I’ve eaten in Bratislava. Canonical Slovak pirohy are made with a rather thick potato dough, and more often than not, filled with brynza. Now, I’m the first one to celebrate culinary explorations, but I can’t help thinking that the pierogies at Baba’s would be better described as Polish or Ukrainian — because, filling experimentation notwithstanding, this is pretty much what they are. It took me a while to understand why. The answer can be found in the Edible Brooklyn article, if you pay close attention: Baba is an ethnic Rusyn, and used to live near the Polish border — it only makes sense that her culinary traditions differ from those of the Slovak capital, which is situated at the opposite end of the country. (Want to see more Rusyn recipes? Check out this site and order this book). Mystery now solved, let’s eat some pirohy/pierogies/dumplings. Lots of them, in fact.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies

Let’s start the procession with the boiled pierogies, of two kinds that should be decisive for our assessment of Baba’s family’s skills. First, the potato & cheese pierogies, (with melted butter and chives, don’t forget). The world (or at least a small part of it center around Poland) has dubbed this combo “Rusyn pierogies” (pierogi ruskie in Polish), so these are the ones by which we shall judge Baba’s cooking. And they pass with flying colors, in terms of both texture and taste. They taste a lot like potato, thanks to a mixture comprised of finely mashed potatoes with tiny chunks, although I’d perhaps add more salt and some other seasoning such as black pepper or nutmeg. At the same time, they manage to feel very light and moist, thanks to the farmer cheese.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Potato Cheese Pierogies

Next, there’s Helena’s own creation, bacon cheddar pierogies. There’s potato here too; this filling feels like potato purée that’s saturated with cheddar and speckled with bacon bits. Like their potato & farmer cheese rivals, they aren’t too dense, and in fact feel pretty light despite the rich ingredients. But the flavor is smoky and much more pronounced. The combo isn’t terribly surprising, but it’s very good. I didn’t have the potato & cheese and bacon cheddar varieties side by side, so I won’t be able to start a family feud by declaring one better than the other. All I can say is that I had each type on different visits, and they were both my favorite pierogies of their respective days.

The cucumber salad that we decided to have as a side is very nice too. Slightly sweet, not too sour, a little bit spicy but not too much.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Bacon Cheddar Pierogies

Moving on to fried pierogies (which can just as well be ordered boiled)… The cheese ones taste good and are very light, but the filling of farmer cheese and ricotta is a bit plain. I would add some subtle seasoning to the mixture to make it more interesting.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Cheese Pierogies

The sauerkraut pierogies suffer from the same problem. The filling seems to be only sauerkraut, just scooped out of the jar/barrel/bucket, drained, and rinsed. Boring! This also makes for somewhat dry dumplings, especially when fried, and despite the caramelized onions. Maybe Baba family could try simmerring the sauerkraut in some stock next time.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Sauerkraut Pierogies

The fried feta and spinach pierogies, on the other hand, turn out very moist, and they strike the right balance between spinach and feta. But they contain a lot of garlic — too much for me, personally.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Spinach Feta Pierogies

There’s more to Baba’s life than pierogies. The kielbasa sliders are four identical cute little sandwiches, each stacking a thick slice of kielbasa (from Muncan, I hear), some melted brynza cheese, sauerkraut, and house-made mustard sauce on brioche buns (from Baked in Brooklyn). I quite like the idea of making Slovak-inspired burgers with kielbasa instead of meat patties. It works out pretty well: all these traditional Slovak and Eastern European flavors are well balanced, producing a smoky, salty, slightly tangy result, and these bold flavors don’t let the brioche overpower them. The golden beet salad (cooked beets with not much else) makes for a good if simple side.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Kielbasa Sliders

The schnitzel bites are another original idea. These little balls are filled with a mixture of ground chicken and pork that I would guess has been cooked, then shaped into a ball, breaded, and fried. The result is great and not dry at all. You can definitely taste pork and chicken in the meat mixture, together with garlic, thyme, and cream. The bites come with lemon and Baba’s mac salad. The latter, unfortunately, looks and tastes like a revenant from the dialectical materialism days, possibly revised for the worse by 1970’s American industrial cooking practices. Elbow pasta, carrots, and pickles are tossed in mayo, without salt. No, thanks.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Schnitzel Bites

If you still have room for dessert, why not have a few more dumplings? Choose between blueberry or chocolate from the menu, or try some crazy specials if available — on a visit this spring, I saw birthday cake pierogies celebrating the restaurant’s first anniversary. In the blueberry pierogies, whole blueberries sprinkled with a pinch of cinnamon and maybe a hint of sugar are encased in the same pierogi dough used for the savory dumplings. Then they’re boiled, tossed in butter, and set on fire — that’s what the chef told me! A lot of fruity liquid oozes out when you cut them open, and I like that they don’t taste overly sweet. I also find that cinnamon is a much better match with blueberry than with apple (remember that blueberry pie?). The dumplings are served with a side of home-made vanilla whipped cream, which brings some more sweetness to this great dessert.

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies - Blueberry Pierogies

Beverages are pretty limited. The menu on the wall says “beer & wine coming soon,” with a later write-in claiming that they’ve arrived. Well, the wine must have got lost in transit, because there’s only beer. Service is also limited. You order and pay at the counter. Now that NYC has recently won the coveted title of most expensive city in the world, we New Yorkers find solace in using disposable tableware when we eat out, so we can at least pretend we’re saving a little bit of money on food — or so some establishments have apparently decided. I’ve already talked about this phenomenon at Babushka Café. At least in Brooklyn they reclaim wood.

And while we’re comparing the two, for roughly the same prices as Babushka, the pierogies at Baba’s are made to order, by hand. Does it make them better? In some cases, yes. In other cases, they’re just different (there’s no meat dumpling at Baba’s, for example, and no mac and cheese dumpling at Babushka).

Regardless of why and how, many of the pierogies at Baba’s are well worth trying. Some may need tweaks, in my opinion, and now you know which ones. I didn’t get to try some of the crazier options (like those birthday cake pierogies), so I can’t tell if they’re just gimmicky or actually good. The rest of the food shouldn’t be ignored either, as it’s very evocative of traditional Slovak flavors, but in creative new forms. Plus, how many people can claim they’ve eaten in a Rusyn restaurant? How many people even know what that means? Well, isn’t that special?

Cuisine: Slovak/Rusyn
Picks: potato cheese pierogies, bacon cheddar pierogies, kielbasa sliders, blueberry pierogies
Avoid: Baba’s mac salad, fried pierogies (because they’re better boiled)
Food: 7.5/10

Slovak Food - Baba's Pierogies


text:
The Strange Ones

The Strange Ones

Jan. 05, 2018 USA 81 Min. R
Your rating: 0
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Video trailer

Mysterious events surround the travels of two brothers as they make their way across a remote American landscape. On the surface all seems normal, but what appears to be a simple vacation soon gives way to a dark and complex web of secrets. This is the feature film version of the 2011 short film going by the same name.

The Strange Ones
Original title The Strange Ones
IMDb Rating 6.1 164 votes
TMDb Rating 6 4 votes

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