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Tag Archives: Humor

Why American Expats Like Me Should NEVER Become English Teachers in Germany

Bad Teacher

“Do you have a learning disability? Because you should just KNOW this shit.” — Image Credit: Patrick Bell (https://www.flickr.com/photos/druidicparadise/) – Subject to CC 2.0 License.

As I’ve said many times before, my wife is German and she is a Gymnasium teacher here in Hannover, Germany. As such, she teaches two primary academic subjects, but she is also required to conduct elective classes. These classes are usually fun things, like arts and crafts, sports or cooking. (But not beer drinking. I checked.)

Not long ago, my wife was tasked with teaching an elective baking class to a bunch of snot-nosed 8th graders. They were going to make a Black Forest Cake, also known as a Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte. Now, I don’t know why, but my wife wanted the recipe to be in English, so she downloaded one from the internet — which had clearly been translated from German into English — and asked me to proofread it for spelling and grammar mistakes.

What I found was an absolute clusterfuck of linguistic crimes, any one of which would — in an ideal world — warrant death by hanging. (Followed by the deceased author’s body being dragged through the streets and beaten with rubber mallets, then thrown into a pit of acid-spitting vipers which reduce the corpse to rendered lard, thereby enabling it to be molded into tiny, adorable birthday candles.)

Below is the Black Forest Cake recipe from the internet, complete with my edits indicated in red. ***WARNING*** Contains swearing and one rather graphic illustration. (Click image to enlarge.)

German and English Language Editing - Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte (Black Forest Cake) Funny Recipe Corrections

Look, if the situation were reversed and I had to write this cake recipe in German, I would fail so hard I would have to throw myself off a cliff. Still, I cannot excuse such heinous linguistic crimes. This is why I must award this recipe with a despicable 1 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:

Merkel Diamond from Angela Merkel, Prime Minister of Germany

Would you be a good English teacher? Have you ever had a particularly good or bad language teacher? We’d love to hear all about your experience in the comments section below…

Graphic Designer in Portland, Oregon and Hannover, Germany - Grafikdesigner Illustrator Copywriter

Rehydrating After the Gym: Why Popular Sports Drinks Fail to Impress My German Wife

Gatorade Sports Drinks v.s. Evian Water

“Wait, so sugar and salt work BETTER than water? That totally makes sense.” — Image Credit: Anna Hirsch (https://www.flickr.com/photos/antigone/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

As you probably know, I’m an American expat and freelance graphic designer working from my home office in the city of Hannover, Germany. Like a lot of self-employed creative types, I am a spiteful little shut-in with introverted tendencies and a general sense of loathing for the bright, colorful world outside my nest of shadows. (Imagine a black-cloaked Nosferatu-type cringing in pain from the merciless gaze of the sun: “Hissssssss…”)

When I do manage to gather the willpower necessary to leave the house, it is only so I can go exercise at our local German gym. And since I make my own hours, I can do this whenever the hell I want. My poor wife, however, is a Gymnasium teacher; she’s gone all day long, and then when she’s home, she has to plan lessons the rest of the evening. It’s a tough job, so when she finally has time to go to the gym, she considers it a luxury.

My wife considers clean, abundant drinking water a luxury as well, and cannot fathom the attraction people — especially Americans — have for popular sports drinks. Sports drinks are supposed to help athletes replace the water, energy and electrolytes they’ve lost during training or after competitions, but I think we all maintain a little skepticism regarding their effectiveness. Even German people are skeptical about them, which I find rather contradictory, since they also believe herbal tea with honey is a panacea capable of curing all diseases and prolonging life indefinitely.

Anyway, the other day, when my wife came home from the gym, she set her bag down and took a long pull from her water bottle. She looked at it closely, then turned to me and asked in her adorable accent:

THE WIFE: “What do all the sport people drink again? Jen-er-ate?
ME: “…Gatorade.”

Graphic Designer in Portland, Oregon and Hannover, Germany - Grafikdesigner Illustrator Copywriter

The Top 5 Weirdly Specific, Totally Irrational Fears and Phobias of an American Expat Living in Germany

“…and THIS, children, is the face of insanity!” — Image Credit: Okko Pyykkö (https://www.flickr.com/photos/data_op/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

We’re all afraid of something — spiders, heights, confined spaces — these are all common phobias. And while they scare the everloving shit out of me too, I have an additional set of fears which are far weirder and less rational than the rest. Fears I have always had, but which have been made far worse since I became an American expat living in Germany.

Phobia #5: Getting Lint in My Pee-Hole

“Things way flow out, but NEVER in.” — Image Credit: Marc Diego (https://www.flickr.com/photos/132739655@N07/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

Few things are more sacred than my urinary meatus. It is the very keyhole behind which my soul is locked, and therefore, never to be sullied. Still, I have an intense fear of getting lint — or any other foreign object — lodged inside it. I cringe at the very thought. In fact, I am cringing super hard right now.

I suspect this fear stems from a moment in my childhood when I was at the playground near my house. Like most playgrounds, this one sat atop a thick layer of bark dust. I recall finding an unusually long piece of bark dust, then proceeding to run around swinging it over my head like a pirate. Soon enough, I needed to climb the play structure in order to better command my swabbies, but I only had one free hand. Thinking I was the smartest pirate ever, I jammed the bark dust into the waistband of my shorts and started climbing. By the time I got to the top, what was once a sword had exploded into a thousand merry splinters, one of which worked its way into my tiny piss hole. “Yarr, Matey! Batten down the hatches and–HOLY FUCK IT STIIIIIIINGS!”

What does this have to do with Germany? Well, I refuse to sleep naked. You see, occasionally, the summer months in Germany are actually hot, and air conditioning is a very rare indulgence in this country. Even though it is obviously the greatest thing ever, Germans tend to see air conditioning as wasteful and, in some cases, even unhealthy. Since my wife and I don’t want to be the only assholes on the block with an A/C unit sticking out the window, we must escape the heat through a pair of oscillating fans and our own nakedness. But therein lies the problem: As I’ve already explained, I am irrationally afraid something will find its way into my glue chute. That I’ll roll over while I’m asleep and crush my boner headfirst into a pile of sock lint, resulting in a massive infection and a trip to the emergency room, where my inflamed bongus starts shooting out whole socks like a malfunctioning clothes dryer.

Phobia #4: Sitting with My Back to the Door

“Someone is sneaking up behind me right now. I KNOW it.” — Image Credit: Ralph Daily (https://www.flickr.com/photos/ralphandjenny/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

I’m just a nerd who sits at home all day making pretty on the computer. I am not a secret agent. I am not a criminal, nor am I an assassin, so realistically, no one is out to get me. I have absolutely no reason to fear having my back to the door in public places, and yet, it still bugs the holy Christ out of me. Restaurants, classrooms, offices — really anywhere I must remain for longer than a few seconds — are all spaces in which I am compelled to position myself so I can see exactly who is coming through the door at all times. Sure, I can white-knuckle my way through dinner at a sushi restaurant with a steady flow of foot traffic behind me, but I’ll look over my shoulder so many times my wife will eventually throw down her chopsticks and switch seats with me just so we can both relax.

This anxiety is all about control. I have no control over people when I can’t see them, and that makes me feel vulnerable. When I can see them, I feel as if I at least have a chance to protect myself and my wife from danger — even if I don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell. Like, if some halfwit marches into a cafe and lights the place up with an assault rifle, at the very least I’m going to throw a salt shaker at him. Maybe even a dinner plate or something. Bang, bang, bang… “Fuck youuuuuuuu!” SMASH! …NEWS FLASH… American Expat in Germany Saves Dozens of Lives by Incapacitating Gunman with Fennel Caprese Salad.

What does this have to do with Germany? Well, public transportation in German cities is pretty sweet. My wife and I don’t need a car; we ride our bikes, take the bus or hop on the U-Bahn. You know what sucks about the U-Bahn though? There’s always a door behind you. Unless you want to stand up the entire time at the front of the train with your back pressed against the driver’s booth, staring the other passengers in the eye like some creepy homunculus, people are going to be entering and exiting right behind you. It sucks, and that’s why I always ride the U-Bahn with a tiny canister of pepper spray in my pocket — my thumb hovering nervously over the button — just waiting to ruin someone’s day.

Phobia #3: Drain Cleaner

“Pictured: The burning tears of Gomorrah.” — Image Credit: Mike Mozart (https://www.flickr.com/photos/jeepersmedia/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

Chemical drain cleaners are scary as hell. Have you ever used one, like Drano, Liquid-Plumr or Rid-X? God damn, that shit will eat through anything, and it’s not exactly discerning; It’ll burn through the wad of soap scum clogging your shower drain just as easily as it will your wrinkled scrotum. With this in mind, I handle drain cleaner like unstable dynamite; delicately tiptoeing my way through the house, keeping the bottle at arm’s length and my face turned slightly away while wearing an expression of dainty horror. Basically, like the world’s biggest pussy.

I am deathly afraid of getting drain cleaner on my skin, and I am 100% convinced it will somehow, magically, wind up in my eyes and blind me for life. Like, the fear itself is so strong it could blow a fuse in my brain, short out my instinct for self-preservation and replace it with the impulse to pour heinous amounts of acid directly into my eyes and mouth. This, in turn, causes more fear, which makes the impulse seem even more real, resulting in a thought loop from which I cannot escape, and proving — once and for all — I have lost my goddamn mind.

How does this relate to Germany? Well, renting houses and apartments — rather than owning them — is much more common in this country. Lots of Germans rent their homes their entire lives, but the universal problem with renters from any country is they rarely care about the place they’re renting. They don’t own it, so fuck it, right? On top of that, cheapskate apartment managers never fix things when they break. You’ve got to handle problems yourself, and that’s where drain cleaner comes into play. See, if your wife has long, sexy German hair like mine does, your shower drain will clog with hairballs at regular intervals throughout the year. This will force you to either buy a plumber’s snake (yeah right, that’s gross) or resort to the use of chemicals. And since my wife has deemed all things pertaining to clogged pipes as “icky” and “a man’s job,” I must regularly face my fear of drain cleaner — or as I have come to call it, “Cowering in Fear of the Devil’s Hot Acid Ejaculate.”

Phobia #2: Dogs

“Oh, how cute! A pretty princess and a handsome gentleman… with razor-sharp knives in their mouths.” — Image Credit: Pets Adviser (petsadviser.com) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

I used to love dogs, man. When I was younger, I had no fear of them whatsoever. But that all changed back in Portland, Oregon, in the mid-2000s, when I made the ingenious decision to try and break up a pit bull fight in my underwear.

You see, I was renting a room in a house owned by a woman with a pit bull. There was another renter living there too, and he also owned a pit bull, but neither of these two idiots had the slightest clue how to raise dogs like these. So, I woke up one Saturday morning to the unmistakable sound of dogs fighting over food in the kitchen, but it wasn’t just the usual snarling and barking; what I heard was two pit bulls trying to kill each other.

Not my problem, I thought to myself, rolling over and pulling the pillow down over my ears. But the bloody murder just got louder and louder, until it was clear one of the dogs was about to die. I jumped out of bed — out of anger and annoyance, not heroism — grabbed the canister of bear mace I kept (and still keep) next to my bed, and walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of thin, blue boxer shorts.

There was dog food, blood and hair all over the kitchen floor, and the woman who owned the house — whom we shall refer to as Muffinbrain McTouchedinthehead — was trying to bodily heft one of the pit pulls up and out the back door. She wasn’t strong enough to pull this off though, especially since the other pit bull had locked its jaws on the dog’s hind leg. I got Muffinbrain’s attention and offered to use the can of mace in my hand, but she insisted I try and pull the second dog away and separate them instead. I don’t know why, but I went ahead and grabbed the dog’s collar and yanked it back. It worked, but stupid goddamn Muffinbrain let her dog get away, and it charged across the kitchen and sank it’s teeth into the second dog’s neck. Of course my fingers were in the way, and to this very day I have the scars to prove it.

Anyway, it was at that moment when I absolutely lost my shit: I was basically naked — my exposed flesh vulnerable from all angles — bleeding and pissed off, so I pulled the safety guard off the canister and bear-maced the holy shit out of pit bull #1. Not yet satisfied, I firehosed pit bull #2 for good measure, then gave them both a few departing shots as I walked back to my room. I got dressed and left the house, but not before seeing Muffinbrain still in the kitchen, coughing and gagging on the atomized pepper spray in the air, and the two pit bulls standing there with vacant looks in their eyes — like nothing happened. In retrospect, I think the mace had temporarily blinded them, but they handled it calmly and professionally, like the purebred assassins they are.

How does this relate to Germany? Well, Germans like to bring their dogs with them everywhere. Restaurants, cafes, department stores… even the U-Bahn. You can’t get away from the filthy little beasts, especially here in Hannover. And every time one gets close to me — even if it’s just a little Pomeranian puffball — I am convinced it will bite me and I must resist the urge to punt that little fucker like a football.

Phobia #1: Young Men

“We cannot be hurt. We cannot die. And together, we will bring an end to all that is good and decent in this world.” — Image Credit: fakeyoursmile (https://www.flickr.com/photos/fakeyoursmile/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

I ask you, is there anything more dangerous than a group of bored young men between the ages of 16 and 25? Having been one myself, I can confirm, yes, they are, in fact, the most dangerous species on the planet. (And they stink too, secreting a perpetual musk of assholes and armpits.)

Young men are selfish, loud, rude and oblivious to the people around them. Of course there are exceptions; I’ve met many kind and considerate young men. But the vast majority have brains which are not yet fully developed — like half baked lumps of monkey shit — so they literally cannot imagine how their actions today might result in negative reactions tomorrow. This is why they get obnoxiously drunk, drive too fast, get into fistfights and think of little else beyond finding girls willing to smooch their he-chicken.

What does this have to do with Germany? Well, I must admit, I do feel a bit safer around young German man than I do American ones. This is probably because Germans are far less likely to own guns, but also because they just don’t seem quite so… aggressive. But then you have young, German, frothing-at-the-mouth soccer fans, and being trapped in an U-Bahn car with these drunken idiots after the big game makes me feel about as safe as a fat-tailed gerbil in a sack full of cats. “So, uh, has everyone already eaten today? How about them flea collars, eh? Itch like a real bastard, I bet! Heh heh… oh my God please don’t kill me.”

I have to say, given the morbidly obsessive and wildly irrational specificity of my phobias — especially as they have been exacerbated by life in Germany — I must award them with a solid 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:

Merkel Diamond from Angela Merkel, Prime Minister of Germany
However, this is not a perfect score: If you think you can top any single one of my fears in terms of overall weirdness or potential to incapacitate you as a human being, the comment section is wiiiiiide open…

Graphic Designer in Portland, Oregon and Hannover, Germany - Grafikdesigner Illustrator Copywriter

Ungrateful Little Sh*ts: What It’s Like to Plan a Field Trip for Teenage Students in Hannover, Germany

German teenagers (teens in germany)

“Wooohooo! I am the center of the universe!” — Image Credit: Philipp (https://www.flickr.com/photos/mapled/) — Subject to CC 2.0 License.

As you are probably aware, my wife is German. She is also a Gymnasium teacher here in Hannover, Germany. This means she teaches students between the ages of 10 and 18 — or 5th grade through 12th. That’s a lot of teenagers, man, and if you’re anything like me, you know teenagers are a bunch of filthy, disgusting little shitbags.

Yes, there are exceptions. If you have a teenager at home, I’m sure he or she is a perfect little angel who burps love and farts rainbows. But the rest of them are 100% self-focused, with underdeveloped personalities and little or no regard for those around them. And they stink. God dammit, how hard is it to slap a little Old Spice under them pits, Dieter von Reekenstein? Mother of God, I would rather dip my nuts in hot coffee than be trapped on the U-Bahn amidst a gaggle of these screeching retards.

Luckily, my wife does not regard her students with the same kind of vehement hatred I do. She loves her students, and she’s a damn good teacher. That said, even she stumbles across the occasional moment of annoyance. Like the other day, when she was trying to organize a field trip for her 8th grade class; she offered to take them to one of the museums here in Hannover, or even the incredibly awesome Hannover Adventure Zoo. The field trip wasn’t part of the class — she just offered her own free time in order to do something fun and educational with them. And like the ungrateful 13-year-old balls of snot they are, they insisted on going to Hamburg instead. Not even, “Thank you for the idea, but we would really love to see the Port of Hamburg,” or “Would it be possible to tour Hamburg’s Old Town instead?” They were just like, “We’d rather go to Hamburg.” Period.

So my wife came home that night and explained the situation to me. She took a sip of wine, shook her head in exasperation and said:

“I tell you, you give them your little finger, and they take your whole hand.”

Graphic Designer in Portland, Oregon and Hannover, Germany - Grafikdesigner Illustrator Copywriter

How One American Expat Celebrates the 4th of July Outside the United States

Team-Frankreich-Intermède-Hannover-Internationalen Feuerwerkswettbewerb

“Wait, what day is it again?

How One American Expat Celebrates the 4th of July Outside the United States

An interview with the author of ‘Oh God, My Wife Is German,’ conducted by ParcelHero.com

Parcel Hero – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

1. Why are you a resident in Germany? Where in the US are you from originally?

I am originally from Portland, Oregon, but I moved to Hannover, Germany, in order to be with my wife; a beautiful, smart and (unintentionally) hilarious German woman. With her adorable linguistic mixture of Deutsch and English — better known as Denglish — she often says things like:

“Why does our time on earth have to be limitated?”

“But maybe I can spend money. I am the bread maker now.”

“It is time to get out of the bathtub now… my fingers are getting schrinkled.”

2. How will you be celebrating the 4th of July this year?

To be perfectly honest with you, I generally forget about the 4th of July every year, much like I forget most holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. However, if I should remember it this year, I will spend the evening worrying about the house we own in the States — and the likelihood that it will be swiftly burned to the ground by some mouth-breathing neighbor kid with a popsicle in one hand and a Roman candle in the other.

3. Where will you be celebrating it? (eg: a specific restaurant, party, etc.)

After calling my rental agency and confirming our house has not, in fact, been reduced to smoldering ashes, my wife and I will probably watch A Game of Thrones while eating a pizza and then pass right the fuck out.

4. What do you miss most about ‘home’ on the 4th of July?

I’ll miss the heat. July is generally pretty warm in Portland, but here in northern Germany? You just never know. It could be warm, but it could also be cold or windy — even rainy — because the weather here is always threatening an early return to winter… as if it were designed by Mother Nature herself to gently crush all joy from the German soul, keeping it focused upon the robotic task of producing the world’s finest automobile components.

— Oh God, My Wife Is German.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Expats around the world should check out ParcelHero for international delivery, collected from your door, by the couriers you trust, at www.parcelhero.com

And if you’d like to find out more about life as an American expat in Germany, check out some of our other posts, like this one: Five Things That Suck About Living in Germany

Fashion Tips from My German Wife: Choosing the Perfect Tie for Any Occasion

bad suit and tie

“Honey, I love you, but you dress like a blind man.” — Image Credit: bark (https://www.flickr.com/photos/barkbud/) — Subject to CC 2.0 Generic Copyright.

My wife and I have attended a few weddings here in Hannover, Germany — like 3 or 4 — so you’d think by now I would have my wardrobe all figured out, but I absolutely do not. I wore my dad’s old, gray, 1970s suit (with suspenders) for every formal occasion from 2001 until, oh, 2014. I just hate shopping for clothes, man. I’ve got a weird build: broad shoulders, a short torso, long legs and Bill Clinton’s godawful bitch hips. I don’t need the reminder, especially while having my scrotum tickled by some dude measuring my inseam. God dammit, I’m getting mad just thinking about this again.

Anyway, my wife and I were getting dressed for a wedding not too long ago, and she insisted we wear matching outfits. At first she wanted me to wear a red tie to match her red dress, but I didn’t have any black dress pants; only blue jeans, black shoes and a white button-down shirt. A red tie would have meant wearing 4 different colors, so I talked her into letting me wear a blue tie. (Only 3 colors. That’s awesome, right?) So once we’d settled the issue of which tie I should wear, my wife took a good, hard look at all of my ties. I had one in each color, including black. This was apparently a good thing, because she nodded her head, shut the closet door and said:

“Perfect. You have every color you need, and black is always good for funerals.”

If you liked this post, there’s a solid chance you’ll dig this one too: My German Wife Offers the Perfect Alternative to Traditional Childbirth

Learn to Love Your Thighs: American Expat Ruins a Perfectly Good Day at the Beach

Hot redhead in a swimsuit on the beach

“Honey, does this swimsuit make me look like a fat, disgusting whale?” — Image Credit: Frank Kovalchek (https://www.flickr.com/photos/72213316@N00/) — Subject to CC 2.0 Generic Copyright.

Very few of us are lucky enough to have beach bodies. You know, the kind of frame which genuinely looks good in a bathing suit and makes everyone else hate your fucking guts? I go to the gym five days a week and I still have Will Farrell’s midsection. It just isn’t fair. Especially when you’re married to someone like my wife; a gorgeous German woman who can eat all the seedy bread and cured pig fat she wants and never gain a pound. It’s genetic, and not everyone is similarly blessed. However, everyone is cursed with some degree of self-consciousness. No matter how sexy you are, I guarantee there is a part of your body you don’t like. Maybe some part you even hate. Maybe if the Devil himself offered to magically rid you of this part of your body, and all you had to do in return was murder some random person in cold blood, you would find the closest drifter asleep on the sidewalk and stab him right in the windpipe.

What I’m saying here is, even though my wife has a fantastic beach body, she still complains about it. One incident in particular springs to mind: Remember that trip my wife and I took to the Spanish island of Mallorca? When we visited the city of Palma, had some drinks in the El Arenal district, and took the historical train to beautiful Port de Sóller? Well, on the very last day of that trip, we finally donned our bathing suits and got some real sunbathing done. We were on the beach southeast of Palma, lounging around in the sand and just generally burning the sweet merry hell out of our skin. (Oh God… our freakishly, blindingly white skin…) We were napping on our towels, and at one point I rolled over onto my side — accidentally mashing my wife’s thigh in the process — which caused her to shout:

“Ow! Ow! You are pressing my big meat!”

If you would like to read the full post about that trip, check out: German-American Couple Visits the Spanish Island of Mallorca


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Artist: RZA f/ Crooked I, E-40, Jayo Felony, King Tech, Lady Platinum, Method Man, Ol' Dirty Bastard, W.C
Album:  We Pop (Remix) 12"
Song:   We Pop (Remix)
Typed by:

[Intro: RZA (King Tech)]
Yo, yo, P. Diddy might run this city
But I walk down the block, flash my -- (Yo RZA, hold up, hold up)
Yo what's up son? (Yo, we gotta remix this joint)
Yo, come on then (Yo, 40, it's on you)

I gotta tell you, we ain't next to nice, made you nice
Don't get your head cracked, don't get your tomato diced
I'm the coldest M.C. in the game
And I shouldn't have to say it, you squares know my name
Pimped with all the slang in the game, that they recite
Every time I open mouth, these suckas bite
I bust like a Dutch Master, blast you if a have to
Somebody call the pastor

[Crooked I]
We got realest long beats
Flows stop, make the beat go ---
I'm in the Coup with the seats low
Even on the East Coast, I gotta keep my heat close
We leaving holes in your cheap clothes
My only job is to stop imposters, watch the mobster
Cop the Boxster, drop the top and squat
Switchin' through lanes, this is the group thing
Cause this is Wu-Tang and Horseshoe Gang, what up?

[Chorus 2X: Ol' Dirty Bastard (Lady Platinum) {E-40}]
We pop, we brawl, get money till the day we fall {please believe it}
(We pop, we brawl, gettin' money til the day we fall) {please believe it}

[Method Man]
Yo, I Bonecrush' ya, like I ain't 'never scared' brother
That baby mother's like baby powder and there another
M.C. does this cutter, when I cut, I split jugglers
When my teeth get yellow, I spit butter
By now you know my name, man, who hold the belt, now
Plus who hold his self down, all with the same hand
Now what's the game plan, let money change hand
I'm still champ, and white boys still can't hang

Yo, P. Diddy, might run this city
But I walk down the block, flash my glock on the jiggies
An ounce of chronic, crushed up in the ziplock
Outside the club, is packed up to the gridlock
Dime piece wizes, high heels and the flip flops
Real players pop with those cringy wrist watch
Big bouncers the size of Sasquath
Tuck riff with the rim that'll make your eyes pop

[Chorus 2X]

[Jayo Felony]
Do I have to assassinate them?
Man, I leave 'em with no altimatum
I ain't hate 'em, I ain't make 'em make mistakes
But I'mma break 'em, the cops, could I shake 'em
Or will they catch me and charge me
On the streets I put something in ya, that'll send you to God
Meet my man, we don't have to roll, candy when we ride
She love it, when I give her, pull her panties to the side
Bullet loco, you might catch me breaking and entering
Mama, I had to jump bail right before the sentencing

Get it up in 'em, cool, that strip and claimin' the set
And quick to Sway the Tech, ya'll straight bang and connect
It's the dog, ya'll get it off, on your backpack and blue marker
Chronic smoke cougher, I don't shoot walker
Dub Sizzle on the remix, the last to speak
Now it's all coming together like sweaty gas leaks
Fo' sure, a nigga will say, 'yo, it's Dub C'
40, Crooked I, RZA, Method Man and Jayo

[Chorus 2X]

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text:
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Phone: 409-833-6375
Fax: 409-839-4948
Toll Free: 800-568-2328
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Beaumont, TX 77701
Phone: 409-840-6644
Fax: 409-840-6648
Toll Free: 888-803-5295

If you have a quick question, you may find the answer by selecting one of the following links.
Otherwise, email us by completing the form below.

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Goonies Pint Glasses

Goonies Pint Glasses

When they were a kid, they wished that their neighborhood was filled with adventure, pirates, and hidden treasure. Unfortunately it wasn't, but when they watched the Goonies, they could imagine that it was.

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By: Erin France on April 5, 2012 - 5:47pm - Add new comment

On Tuesday, 2-year-old Piper Needham died after battling cancer for almost her entire life. Her older sister, 7-year-old Linley Needham, attends Westminster Christian Academy in Watkinsville.

On Tuesday, Athens Academy sixth-grader Kajal Patel found out that she has several matches for a bone marrow donation that likely will save her life from a disease that doctors still can't name.

By: Erin France on March 21, 2012 - 7:16pm - Add new comment

University of Georgia might be the home of the Bulldogs, but other colleges and universities around the country are allowing study breaks with canine companions to decrease test stress.

From medical students in Tennessee to law students at the University of San Francisco, college officials are allowing dogs into libraries and study halls to ease students' exam jitters. Students at Yale University's Law School library can even register for a 30-minute session with a therapy bulldog.

I haven't heard of anything similar in Athens, but I'd love to know if there is.

By: Erin France on March 22, 2012 - 11:04am - Add new comment

Though I'm throwing away the ground beef in my fridge this week — recent news of ammonia-treated filler, known as pink slime, kind of makes me gag — I’m not giving up steak yet.

By: Erin France on March 23, 2012 - 8:22pm - Add new comment

UGA's College of Public Health hosting their sixth annual field day isn't the most exciting health news of the day, but I did get a chance to create a slideshow of field day activities.

I'm also a huge fan of picking the brains of College of Public Health people.

By: Erin France on March 24, 2012 - 8:31pm - Add new comment

“Thinspo,” short for “Thinspiration” is a new Internet term that's caught Pinterest and a few other social media sites some serious criticism as supporting the dangerous and potentially fatal habits of anorexics and bulimics this week.

By: Erin France on March 27, 2012 - 3:43pm - Add new comment

The U.S. Supreme Court is taking on the issue of President Barack Obama's health care overhaul this week. Whether you like the president's ideas, or you hate them, there's plenty of guessing going on to figure out how the justices will vote.

By: Erin France on March 28, 2012 - 6:29pm - Add new comment

If you haven't read it already, get prepared to read headlines like "Chocolate makes you thinner, study says." Don't believe it.

Researchers at the University of California, San Diego studied how often 1,000 men and women ate chocolate and found that those who ate the sweet five times a week typically had a lower Body Mass Index than people who did not eat chocolate during the week.

By: Erin France on March 29, 2012 - 7:05pm - Add new comment

Hat tip to Jim Thompson for the excellent political cartoon.

More and more grocery stores are dropping the "pink slime," also known as "lean, finely texture beef," to those who make the stuff.

By: Erin France on April 3, 2012 - 6:19pm - Add new comment

The County Health Rankings for Georgia are out and Northeast Georgia counties are fairly healthy, compared to the rest of the state.

Oconee County ranks No. 3 behind No. 1 Fayette and No. 2 Forsyth counties. Clarke County ranks No. 20; Oglethorpe County, No. 38; Barrow County, No. 40; and Jackson County, No. 53.

“The higher the ranking, the longer people are living in that county,” said Marsha Davis, assistant dean at the University of Georgia’s College of Public Health. Davis also is an associate professor at the college.

By: Erin France on May 3, 2012 - 6:16pm - Add new comment

I heard about snail fever (schistosomiasis) after talking to Christopher Whalen, the Ernest Corn Professor of Epidemiology in the department of epidemiology and biostatistics in the University of Georgia College of Public Health, about tuberculosis.

Infectious diseases that have names as great as snail fever (see also, monkey pox) require immediate Internet research.

Snail Fever stats:

• Snails carry the tiny parasitic worm that causes snail fever.

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Topics out front in race for sheriff: Jail issues

Phone system, crowding

Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2004

Recorded telephone conversations between inmates and attorneys and jail overcrowding are two hot-button issues in Tuesday's Democratic primary for Clarke County sheriff, a four-year post responsible for 160 employees and a $10 million annual budget.

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Incumbent Ira Edwards Jr. said he installed the Call Applications Management (CAM) system at the jail primarily to prevent escapes and other crimes, but since it went into use in February it was discovered that a prosecutor and a detective used the system to eavesdrop on conversations between an inmate and his lawyer.

''This system is a source of intelligence that brings validity to jail scams, contraband smuggling, ongoing criminal enterprises and witness and victim intimidation,'' Edwards said, adding that use of the CAM system has been upheld in court.

Opponent Randy Garrett, currently an Athens-Clarke police sergeant as well as Clarke County coroner, said if elected he would immediately pull the plug on the controversial telephone system, which has caused one local lawyer to notify the county of his intent to sue for $3 million because of the system's alleged misuse by authorities.

''I feel that the system needs to be shut down to avoid any other problems or lawsuits other than the ones that are probably coming down,'' Garrett said. ''Between February, when the system was installed, and May, over 38,000 calls were recorded at the jail. I was born in this county and raised here, and people talk to me all the time about the concerns they have, and of course, the latest concern is the phone system scandal at the jail with all the recordings of inmate conversations. If I was elected today, I'd shut that system down tomorrow.''

Upon learning of the CAM system last month, three Clarke County Superior Court judges ordered Edwards to devise a plan to revamp the system so that constitutionally protected conversations between inmates and attorneys can no longer be eavesdropped on by law enforcement officials.

Edwards responded with a plan, which is now under review by the judges.

As for relieving overcrowding at the jail, Edwards said there were several avenues he was exploring, including a pre-trial release program, house-arrest of inmates using a Global Positioning System and ''to work with the (Athens-Clarke County) commissioners to assist in providing alternatives to relieve us of the overcrowded jail.''

Last month, a citizen advisory group rejected the sheriff's office's request for sales tax funding for a new $58 million jail.

Garrett said he would work with county judges to alleviate overcrowding at the jail, which has a population of about 426 inmates but beds for only 338.

''I want to create a partnership with the judges because with a lot of low-grade misdemeanor offenses, the officer on the scene of incident could issue (an offender) a citation to appear on a date, and if they don't show up on that date then a bench warrant would be issued,'' Garrett said.

The jail is overcrowded because it is filled with people charged with petty, non-violent crimes who cannot afford bail, according to Garrett.

''There's no reason for a lot of these people to go to jail,'' he said. ''We have poor people locked up for public drunkenness, and they're going to stay there because they can't afford the bond money, and so they're going to stay there and spend $40 of taxpayers' money each day to keep them there.''

Both candidates have extensive experience and training in law enforcement.

Edwards, 43, a former Athens-Clarke police officer, defeated 20-year county sheriff Jerry Massey in 2000, winning 52 percent of the vote. He holds a master's degree in public administration, and graduated from the Command College and the National Sheriff Institute.

''I believe that education is a visible sign of how much someone is committed to something,'' Edwards said. ''I love what I do and desire to continue to uphold respect and honor in the sheriff's office. My track record is evident that I have taken a progressive lead in advancing the sheriff's office to another level in education, training and professionalism.''

Garrett, 41, is a two-term county coroner who was named Georgia Coroner of the Year in 2003. As an Athens-Clarke police sergeant, he has had more than 2,000 hours of advanced law enforcement training in such areas as leadership and management, jail operations, investigations and forensics.

''I've listened to the concerns of the citizens in the county, and they are wanting change,'' Garrett said. ''I feel with my 19 years of experience as an Athens-Clarke police officer, and also as coroner, I'm seasoned enough working with the (county) commission and other elected officials to go into that position and make the changes that need to be made.''

Garrett faulted the incumbent sheriff for mismanagement of the jail, both fiscally and in the use of personnel.

''I would re-direct funding to get the sheriff's office back to its core mission, reduce spending without sacrificing service, and evaluate all departmental programs for their effectiveness and benefit to the community,'' he said.

That core mission, according to Garrett, is effectively managing the jail, maintaining courthouse security and serving warrants.

Garrett said he would supplement jail manpower by creating a reserve deputy program, which would free up sheriff's deputies by using volunteer retired law enforcement officers to provide security at sporting events, banks and other locations approved by his office.

Edwards said he had already explored the idea of such a program, but determined it may not be feasible due to liability and other concerns.

''We must take into consideration several factors, such as, are these reserve deputies who are retired fit and able to work the jail,'' he said. ''For example, what if a fight breaks out in the jail. Are they prepared to respond? I don't know of many retired deputies that are willing to volunteer their time to come out and work at the jail. It is hard enough keeping it staffed with paid deputies.''

As for the shortage of jailers necessitating overtime, which amounted to about $400,000 last year, Edwards noted that five deputies are on military leave, another five are on medical leave, and he has no control over how much time a deputy is needed in a courtroom or to transport juvenile offenders to the Gainesville Regional Youth Detention Center.

''That is why I requested eight additional deputies that would assist us in the shift relief factor; otherwise overtime is inevitable,'' he said. ''We are not adequately staffed. We haven't had additional deputy positions since 1991. (Jail) population is still growing, which requires more manpower.''

A final point of contention between the candidates is a series of recent suicides at the jail, particularly one that resulted in a lawsuit accusing the jail of negligence.

The lawsuit was subsequently dismissed, but Garrett, who investigated the incident as coroner, said the sheriff's management was partly responsible. He said jailers are supposed to check on inmates every 15 minutes, but the man who hung himself in his cell had not been checked for more than seven hours.

In response, Edwards said, ''Unfortunately, it takes approximately three minutes for an individual to commit suicide. If we are informed that the individual is suicidal (during the booking process), there are proper steps already in place to get that inmate counseling and assistance.''

The winner of Tuesday's primary will face Republican candidate Alan Hughes in November.

Who's running for Clarke County sheriff

Age: 42

Born: Dublin

Lives: 117 Chadds Lane

Education: Bachelor's degree, University of Georgia; master's of public administration, Columbus State University; graduate of Command College and National Sheriff Institute

Occupation: Clarke County sheriff, 2001-present

Political party: Democratic

Experience: 19 years in law enforcement, including nine years with the Clarke County Sheriff's Office

Age: 41

Born: Athens

Lives: 202 Deerhill Drive, Bogart

Education: Northeast Georgia Police Academy

Occupation: Athens-Clarke County Police Department; Clarke County coroner, 1996-present

Political party: Democratic

Experience: Athens-Clarke County Police Department; Clarke County coroner, 1996-present; more than 2,000 hours of law enforcement training, including management, supervision and jail operations

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text:
Are Facebook Groups Our Forgotten Friends?

Facebook Groups

Over the last year or so, my love for Facebook has slowly been dying.  While the world was getting all hyped up over the company being floated on the stock market, I was getting really cheesed off with how the Facebook Page I had spent time and money developing was seeing less engagement.

I was doing everything that I could do to keep people coming to the page and interacting with me, I was posting useful information, quotes, interesting and fun images, but whatever I did the amount of people seeing my posts was dwindling. Whatever was going on behind the scenes it was slowly getting worse.

Suddenly Facebook released the ‘Promote Post’ option which suddenly made sense, the price of the shares had dropped as did the amount of people seeing my posts. I was now being told that I had the ‘option’ to pay for my posts to be seen by more of my page fans. Hmmmm… call me suspicious but my reach dropped and now I have the opportunity to ‘pay’ for those who cannot see my posts to get them in their newsfeeds.

Hadn’t I already paid for these people to like my page when I used Facebook advertising? When they ‘Liked’ my page, didn’t they say, ‘Yes I want to see your posts in my newsfeed.’ Facebook had taken away from me what I had already paid for and what they say I could have. Was it to try and claw back the money they were losing from the shares falling?

Whatever your thoughts are on whether the fall of page reach was staged to force people to pay to promote posts or not, all I can tell you is that I did a couple of tests, I didn’t like it so I stopped and since then I have slowly distanced myself away from our Facebook page.

Interaction is now so low it is depressing. Out of nearly 900 people who ‘Like’ our page, only 16 or so are ‘talking about us’ (which actually means interacting with the page). I stopped running ads and trying to get new likes, as I no longer see a worth in a Facebook Pages any more. As much as I try, I really cannot justify wasting time on it. All I do now is share my latest blog posts on it hoping to get maybe a few people to read it.

A Change Of Heart

A few months ago I decided to create a Facebook group, I cannot remember exactly why, perhaps it was because I was trying out Google+’s new communities which is their version of the traditional Facebook Group.

I created a group and brought on board my two closest blogging friends Matt Smith (the owner of this excellent site) and Clair Trebes (our high priestess of social media). The three of us became the admins of this Group and set about getting people to join to see what would come of it.

So what can I say, so far, I think I can speak for all three of us, we are stunned!!! As I write this, we have 90+ members but what a difference there is between this Group and my Facebook Page. There has been some incredible interactions, lots of great discussions, plenty of sharing and within just seven days of starting the group I have had two guest posts published on members websites, been given an author account to another members site and received a great post for our site.

I know that I am not alone, there has been quite a few members swapping posts and putting in orders for future guest posts. It really has become a meet swap kind of place which is excellent, it is a shame that it doesn’t serve coffee, people pop in all the time to chat and socialise.

Happy Helpful Bloggers

Facebook Groups = Interaction

I have chatted to fellow bloggers in Australia, the USA and India with discussions of working together, we have people posting excellent articles that we have been able to learn from and share. We receive emails informing of us when someone has posted in the Group or even commented.

I cannot explain how different the Facebook group feels to the normal Facebook page. For starters there isn’t that annoying Timeline section, just a simple newsfeed where all of the action takes place. When a post is commented on, the whole post pops back up to the top of the newsfeed keeping it in the thick of the action.

It feels a lot faster too in loading, which could be the different browsers I use, I have my Facebook page open in Google Chrome which is normally excellent and the group is open in Firefox. I personally believe that the group loads faster than a page which is also nice.

The Group feels like the old Facebook. It is early days still, I am sure some people will get fed up with the email notifications, you do get a lot when there is a lot of posting and comments, and leave but I am once again excited to be using Facebook.

People are talking and sharing great advice, tips and information as well as sharing each other’s posts. I have learned a lot from the group and I mean a lot.

There are similar interactions within the Google+ communities but not to this level. Maybe we have really struck gold and got a fantastic group of members, maybe if all of us moved over to Google+ we would all be the same there.

As far as I am concerned our Facebook group is like an old long lost friend, forgotten about until that day they turn up with arms open wide and all that old forgotten fun begins again!

Do you have your own or are a member of a Facebook group?  Have you had any success with using Facebook groups? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

About Andi Leeman

Andi is part of Tim Lowe’s R&D team and writes for Tim's Minions, a fun based educational site covering all aspects of Internet Marketing & Social Media. You can learn more by following him on Twitter, Facebook or Google+.

  • John Banks

    Without doubt, the Facebook group you three have set up is by far the most social and interactive part of my all my SM stuff online……

    It is a great group – its the first page I check when I open my Hootsuite profile. I can check on my phone on the go too. I genuinely feel I have made some great friends/contacts through the group. This is what Facebook and other social sites should be like. I just don’t “get” the same vibe with LinkedIn, and Twitter is a different ball game really.

    Kudos to you three Amigos.

    • Matt Smith

      Cheers John! That’s great to hear.

      Think all three of us were a bit blown away with how the group has been going lately. Just shows that this social media malarchy can work. :)

    • Kapil

      I share the same sentiment as John – I had totally discounted Facebook Groups until I joined the group you three created..So good that I even created a distinct account for the purposes of interacting whole heartedly without the fear of my friends knowing what I say / post. Thanks again guys and excellent post Mr Leeman :)

      • Matt Smith

        Hi Kapil! Thanks for that. But without all our great members, are group wouldn’t be as good.:)

  • Ceri Fisher

    I value the fact that there are people with so much experience in the area that I’m interested in. There are questions I’d like to ask and the variety of expertise is great. I’m just at the very start of things and I’m so glad I found this group!

    • Matt Smith

      Hi Ceri,

      My opinion on these groups has changed totally. Originally I wasn’t a big fan, but now I think they are great! There is always something to learn from one another and being part of a community is quite encouraging. I’m just happy you found us :)


text:
relaunches with citizen journalism

ABC News May 1 07Another day, another relaunch. Micro Persuasion reports on the relaunch:

According to Michael Clemente, Senior Executive Producer, the new site, which it launched last night, is designed to harness the power of what they call “citizen reporters.” Viewers and readers can now help ABC help report the news by feeding in news and leaving comments. The new site also supports video uploads from cell phones and video cameras, some of which will make it on to air.”

It’s pretty snazzy looking, if a little overloaded with navigation. The option to click on a story or photos or video or even ‘full coverage’ is a nice touch, but it’s a missed opportunity for the most part when compared to other relaunches.

One thought on “ relaunches with citizen journalism

  1. Pingback: News Analysis 3 « Kate Yoon

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text:
• Boron;
  • Diazaboroles;
  • Perfluoroaryls;
  • Photophysics;
  • Luminescence

The reaction of N-4′-trimethylsilylphenyl-3,6-di-tert-butylcarbazole (3) or N-5′-trimethylsilylthien-2′-yl-3,6-di-tert-butylcarbazole (4) with boron tribromide and subsequently with triphenylphosphane afforded the dibromoborylphenylcarbazole–phosphane adduct 5 or its thiophene derivative 6 as colorless solids. These adducts were converted into the new benzodiazaborole derivatives 7 and 8 by treatment with N,N′-bis(pentafluorophenyl)-o-phenylenediamine (1) and 2,2,6,6-tetramethylpiperidine in hot toluene (52 or 45 % yield). The analogous compounds 9 and 10 were obtained by condensing precursors 5 and 6 with bis(N,N′-2,3,5,6-tetrafluoropyrid-4-yl)-o-phenylenediamine (2) in the presence of the piperidine derivative in 35 and 16 % yield. Compounds 710 were characterized by NMR spectroscopy (1H, 11B, 13C, 19F) and mass spectrometry. The molecular structure of 8 was elucidated by X-ray diffraction analysis. The borylated systems show intense blue luminescence upon UV irradiation.


text:
Advertise on

In Festival Guide

Big Boi, left, and Andre 3000 will headline Summerfest on June 29. (PHOTO: Featureflash / )

Outkast to headline at Summerfest

Milwaukee World Festival, Inc. officials have revealed that the eighth major show slated for Summerfest 2014 will be Outkast, with special guest Gary Clark Jr.

Outkast will headline the Marcus Amphitheater on Sunday, June 29.

Antwan "Big Boi" Patton and André "3000" Benjamin have reunited for the 20th anniversary of their debut album "Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik."

Tickets go on sale March 3 at noon and include Summerfest admission. Tickets can be purchased at the Summerfest box office, Walmart stores, online at and by phone at (800) 745-3000 or (866) 448-7849.

Patrons may also utilize "ticketfast" at to print bar-coded concert tickets from home. Fees may be added to all purchases.

Outkast has sold more than 25 million albums. "ATLiens," "Aquemini," and "Stankonia" were all platinum-selling releases, and then "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below" was Diamond-certified and won six Grammy Awards.

The group also released the film and soundtrack entitled "Idlewild', which debuted at No. 1 on Billboard's Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart.

Clark Jr.'s debut album "Blak And Blu" earned Grammy Award nominations in both rock and R&B categories for the same album in the same year, winning "Best Traditional R&B Performance" with "Please Come Home."

Post a comment / write a review.

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Support Us

Analyzing the Yourtopia Dataset

February 7, 2012 in Crowd-sourcing, Yourtopia

The following post is from Dirk Heine and Guo Xu, members of the Yourtopia project team.

Last year, the Open Economics Working Group submitted Yourtopia, a crowd-sourced indicator of social progress, to the World Bank Apps4Development competition and has been awarded the third prize. Yourtopia allows users to assign weights on different dimensions of development (e.g. economy, health and education). Based on the weights submitted by all users, we constructed a robust aggregate weighting, reflecting a global “consensus weighting”, which can used as a consensus measure of development. One year later and after more than 4,000 submitted weightings, where do we stand? And perhaps most importantly, how does our “consensus weight” compare to conventional indices, such as the Human Development Index (HDI)?

The results are quite remarkable: Compared to the default weights of the HDI where economy, health and education receive equal weights (33% each), our consensus weight assigns 30% to economy, 34% to health and 36% to education. Two things are worthwhile pointing out:

1) The HDI weights, even though ad-hoc and arbitrary, are nearly identical to the weights obtained by crowd-sourcing. Taking measurement errors into account, we cannot reject that our consensus weights are equal to the HDI weights. Despite the criticism, the HDI appears to be quite robust.

2) Looking at the point estimates only, the consensus weights also suggest that education is the most important dimension of development, followed by health. This is not surprising as human capital plays a crucial role in fostering economic growth. The economy is merely a means towards expanding capabilities.

Finally, we were also able to explore cross-country variation: By matching the IP addresses of the users against their country of residence, we were able to merge individual weights to country-level means. Correlating the country-level averages against other socio-economic variables enables us to address interesting questions: For example, are weightings associated with country-level variables? Are people from richer countries more likely to assign higher weights to economy, or vice versa?

The figure below plots a country’s GDP per capita level against the average country-level consensus weight for “economy”. A high value for the weight indicates that more importance is given to the economy as an indicator of development. The plot suggests a significant negative relationship: People in rich countries tend to assign less importance to the “economy” dimension, while people in poor countries perceive the economy to be more important. If this is indeed the case, we have another reason to re-consider GDP per capita as a measure of social progress.

Of course, the results should be taken with a grain of salt: The submitted weights are obviously subject to selection bias, which can be substantial in developing countries as access to internet is relatively limited. In addition, measurement errors are likely to confound the results as users were allowed to submit several times. While the large sample size can help alleviate some of these concerns, the results should be seen as tentative.

Are you interested in our project?

Help us analyze the Yourtopia dataset! We have released the dataset and are looking forward to more sophisticated analyses! We are also currently working on Yourtopia 2. If you would like to join the project or come along for a hackday, please contact us at economics [at]

4 responses to Analyzing the Yourtopia Dataset

  1. This sounds very interesting – I’d really love to make contact with you and hear your plans for the next stages…

  2. I don’t quite see where you guys see the negative relationship between poor countries and higher weighting of the factor “economy”. Seems to me that the plotting is very random in terms of which countries deviate from the mean and, moreover, that the log curve is more densely plotted, meaning that gdp would be a fair measure of the weighting of the factor “economy” in that country (??).

    On the other hand, one factor that is missing (also by the HDI) is the environmental factor. This is not a remark on Yourtopia, but a general criticism on both the institutionally defined measurement and the crowd-generated measurement.

    Finally, do you think that the structure of your quiz may lead the crowd to factor’s weighting that resemble the definition of the HDI, i.e. participants are biased towards “mild” weightings such as 33%+33%+34%=100% ??

    Great work guys congratulations. Joaopedro

  3. Fantastic to see the success of Yourtopia and the Apps for Development participants. You may be interested to know that Ajay Chhibber looked into an extended HDI that included environment and security ( And any developers interested in the environment who are reading this might want to check out the Apps for Climate competition going on now (

  4. We’re a bunch of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with useful information to paintings on. You’ve done a formidable activity and our whole group will be thankful to you.

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Construction Litigation Lawyers In University Center Michigan

University Center is a locale in Bay and Saginaw counties in the U.S. state of Michigan, and the name of the post office with the ZIP code of 48710. The locale is named for the institutions of higher education served by the ZIP code: Delta College and Saginaw Valley State University (SVSU).

What is construction litigation?

Construction defect litigation involves defects in construction where attorneys represent homeowners, commercial property owners, builders, construction companies and property developers when problems are discovered during or after the construction process. Construction defect litigation cases can be based on negligent structural engineering, improper soil analysis, and defective building materials.


text:
Chapter 1 - Introduction

This book tells the story of how Cristobal Viedma and I created the platform that powers Viki: a video site focused on international content and community-driven subtitle translations. Our push to production proved to be an enlightening experience. I constantly found myself looking forward to the day's challenges while reflecting on the experiences and lessons I've accumulated in an otherwise unremarkable career. It was a strange but pleasant mix. A journey, I hope, which you'll find worth reading about.

Technically, there’s nothing remarkable about Viki, Cris or myself. This book, while detailed with respect to our technical implementation, doesn’t provide any silver, or even lead, bullets. Maybe our approach is ridiculously flawed and this book will serve no purpose other than embarrassing us. It’ll be another lesson I’ll grudgingly take.

The number of people doing remarkable work in the fields of computer science and computer engineering is limited. So too are the truly innovative companies. The rest of us face less difficult challenges. Nonetheless, there’s something peculiar that we all face when writing code - namely, the code itself. Almost every method is unique. Every solution is different. Furthermore, we’re all coding systems of ever-increasing levels of complexity. The number of people with experience in creating distributed high-throughput systems today is small compared to how many there’ll be tomorrow.

This is exactly where we found ourselves. Tasked, more by ourselves than anyone else, to build a fast, distributed and reliable platform while lacking the experience to do so. Even today, months after we started, I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions by this premise. Consider how different people might react to such a challenge. Some would shy away, being naturally risk-averse or lacking confidence. They might also be lazy or bad programmers afraid to be found out. Others would cherish the opportunity, as we did, seeing it as a rare chance to grow. Driven perhaps by arrogance, ambition, the challenge or the experience.

Also, consider what it means to have experience doing something. Surely, someone with direct experience building a similar system would be better suited than someone with no such experience. However, such people are rare, especially when you’re a relatively unknown company headquartered in Singapore. Instead, perhaps we should consider indirect experience. One of the things that seems to separate a good programmer from her counterparts is the ability to take experiences doing one thing and applying it to something else. Extrapolating potential solutions or even just a starting point from an incomplete picture, or a gut feeling, is how you grow. This applies at both the macro and micro level. We’ll look at more concrete examples throughout the book. For now, I suspect that anyone with experience interviewing applicants knows what I’m talking about. Some candidates don’t know the answer, some make poor guesses or babble. The ones worth hiring though, make, or at least try to make, the leap from what they know to what makes sense. (Not that there’s anything wrong with saying I don’t know in an interview every now and again.)

I can’t talk about experience without sharing something I learned from the bank. It’s resoundingly true that there’s a world of difference between twenty years of experience and one year of experience repeated twenty times. In some cases, indirect or no experience is better than too much.

How It All Started

Before being able to explore the path we took, you must first have some understanding of where we began.

I joined Viki at an awkward time. A recent change not only left a team of roughly 18 engineers leaderless, but also left a non-technical product team disconnected with engineers. The system, a monolithic Ruby on Rails and Postgresql application, was starting to burst at the seams. Outages were all too common and page load time was going from bad to worse. Seeing signs of slowed growth, product managers pushed for new features, only to exacerbate existing stability and performance issues. Furthermore, a recent experiment of breaking engineers into small teams made it difficult for anyone to address system-wide issues (like stability and performance).

In a lot of ways, the code reminded me of the bank. Large and surprisingly complex, with frustratingly slow and randomly failing tests. Rather than leaky abstraction via Hibernate, it was leaky abstraction via ActiveRecord. Months later, I’d discover that deleting certain objects resulted in over 26 000 cascading changes to the database. Furthermore, the culture felt odd. The office was like a library. There was little to no discussion between engineers, and never any arguments. Dogmatic Agile was, once again, in full effect.

Thankfully, what did differ from the bank was management’s awareness of these issues and their willingness to try and address them. While the day-to-day culture might have compared poorly to other startups, the underlying support for taking initiative was intact.

Roughly a month later, a new VP of Engineering was hired. At this point, Cris and I, the platform team, had a few modest successes behind us as well as a clear vision of where we wanted to go and how we wanted to get there. Additionally, we had gelled. When we looked or talked about code, we, more often than not, knew what the other was thinking. We argued, often intensely (especially on Friday for some reason). From this point on, we were given a certain degree of freedom to execute our vision.

The Platform

Our purpose on the platform team is to support Viki’s API and other shared services. Previously, this had meant a fairly thin layer, largely composed of controllers, within the Rails application. Our mobile applications, along with a few partner sites, were our clients. The main website did not use the API, but rather had its own path to our shared models and database. This, we all agreed, had to change. While I think it’s possible to prematurely adopt an API-based architecture, the ever growing number of clients in Viki’s ecosystem called for a shared API.

Our ambition was greater than just having the web become a consumer of our API. First and foremost, we wanted to address the performance and reliability issues that were plaguing us. Based on some early prototypes, we felt we could deliver any request within 25 milliseconds uncached and within a local area network (10-100x faster than the existing system). We also wanted to build a distributed system which would help address both reliability issues as well as reduce network latency. Viki has a global audience with a significant number of users behind slow connections (either at the last mile, or via international pipes). Our top five cities are distributed across four continents. We already leveraged CDNs for our videos, but what good is that if it takes users six, ten or even twenty seconds to get all the data they need to start playing (with much of that time spent at the network layer)?

We also wanted to improve our development and operational environment. We felt that by moving away from one large codebase, we’d be better able to deliver new features as well as enable new clients. Furthermore, we wanted to improve our logging and general insight into our system’s health. For us, that meant less but more meaningful logs which would essentially improve the signal-to-noise ratio.

Our approach was fueled by understanding two fundamental things about Viki. First, we’re read-heavy. Second, what writes we have need not be replicated in real-time, or even close to it. It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to understand the actual operational requirements of a system. In all honesty, the only write in Viki that I’d hate to lose is user registration. Anything else I’m more than happy to batch up in an fsync every second (or minute!)

This is a good time to mention Viki’s community team. Viki was, and continues to be, built on a community of volunteer translators. The community aspect of Viki has different operational requirements than the main website and mobile clients. It also has its own dedicated team. Where platform is read-heavy, community is more evenly distributed. Where most of our replication can happen in minutes, they are dealing with real-time collaboration. This presented an interesting challenge: community defines Viki but is dwarfed in terms of traffic and complexity by clients and platform. Which do you favor when designing your system, especially your data model?

We opted to lean on our yet-to-be-built platform’s ability to work with stale data (slow replication). The community team would continue as-is, working on their own priorities, while we’d replicate data from the existing database into a platform-friendly model. If it took a minute or two for a new subtitle to propagate, so be it. This had the added benefit of letting us try and clean up our existing data. We could dump our failed polymorphic model and correct impossible data, like created_at values set in the future, orphaned children or duplicates that should never have been allowed.

It was to be a rewrite. It had to be fast. Codename: Hyperion.

At the time, none of this was flushed out. The core of the idea was really just to have an optimized data model fronted by a robust API application. Distributed, of course. Somehow, we’d keep it all in sync. In some places we had prototype code, but for very specific and low-level parts. Despite the vagueness, it never felt impossible or even particularly difficult.

Ultimately, two factors defined almost every decision we made. First, our own attitude towards risk and technology. It isn’t a job, nor a profession. It’s a passion. Secondly, a common sense understanding of the system’s non-functional requirements. Almost every technical problem we faced was solved by taking a step back and remembering some basic truths about our system. Not only are we read-heavy and can accommodate slow replication, but in a lot of cases, we can apply fuzzy logic and return an approximation.

With a great deal of enthusiasm, we started to code.

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text: /* Header for a pass computing data for optimizing stdarg functions. Copyright (C) 2004, 2005 Free Software Foundation, Inc. Contributed by Jakub Jelinek This file is part of GCC. GCC is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by the Free Software Foundation; either version 2, or (at your option) any later version. GCC is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the GNU General Public License for more details. You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License along with GCC; see the file COPYING. If not, write to the Free Software Foundation, 51 Franklin Street, Fifth Floor, Boston, MA 02110-1301, USA. */ #ifndef GCC_TREE_STDARG_H #define GCC_TREE_STDARG_H 1 struct stdarg_info { bitmap va_list_vars, va_list_escape_vars; basic_block bb; int compute_sizes, va_start_count; bool va_list_escapes; int *offsets; /* These 2 fields are only meaningful if va_start_count == 1. */ basic_block va_start_bb; tree va_start_ap; }; #endif


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Fair : Wine

Brussels Wine Fair - La Revue de France

Brussels Wine Fair - La Revue de France
© la revue de France
  • Opening periods
    • from Saturday 21 November 2015 to Sunday 22 November 2015
      • Saturday : 10:00-19:00
      • Sunday : 10:00-18:00
  • Address:
    Hôtel de la Poste - Site de Tour et Taxis
    rue Picard 3
    1000 BRUXELLESBelgium

  • MAPS: Google Maps

The best place to discover, taste and buy the best wines. For wine producers, amateurs and professionals. In Brussels on 26 and 27/10/13.

60 prestigious wine domains in the heart of the European capital, in the exceptional setting of Tour & Taxis.

French wine and Belgian gastronomy come together!

Discover grand crus given stars in the 'Guide des Meilleurs Vins de France 2013':

  • Château Rauzan-Ségla, Bordeaux

  • Champagne Taittinger, Champagne

  • Domaine de la Taille aux Loups, Vallée de la Loire

  • and many more...

This 4th edition of the Wine Fair is sure to be a really good year!

We are not responsible for any changes in dates and/or programmes. Please contact the organiser prior to departure.


text:
Setting an editor prefix for an editor shape (having multiple/nested editors)

Topics: Core
Aug 21, 2012 at 10:01 PM

Is there a way to have multiple editors (built with ContentManager.BuildEditor()) on the same page, for multiple content items? Well, displaying them is no problem :-), but updating is. Normally I'd use collections for model binding but since how the input elements are named is not under my control I don't know what to do.

Shape.Metadata.Prefix apparently does nothing.

Anybody with an idea? Should this be an extension to BuildEditor()?

Aug 21, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Edited Aug 21, 2012 at 10:30 PM

I think it would be nice if the BuildEditor would be overloaded taking an BuildEditorArgs object, which contains a "RootPrefix" property. You could then pass in a prefix for each iteration, e.g. "editor[0]", "editor[1]". The resulting input elements would then have names like "editor[0].TitlePart.Title", "editor[1].TitlePart.Title".

Aug 22, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Apparently you had the same idea about BulidDisplay():

I experimented around yesterday, couldn't get it to work. shape Metadata.Prefix is apparently not used for the editor prefix (I tried to set it from various shape events too), or it's completely overridden by drivers. Anyway, if it would be set it still needed to be somehow used when updating, where again drivers use their own prefixes; however, from a custom controller the IUpdateModel implementation could add e.g. a prefix to the prefix, so this might work...

Aug 22, 2012 at 7:44 PM

I've opened an issue for this:

Aug 24, 2012 at 11:23 AM

A possible solution I've developed at Onestop:

// PrefixedEditorManager for building prefix-aware shapes and updating them

public interface IPrefixedEditorManager : IDependency {
        IEnumerable<int> ItemIds { get; }
        dynamic BuildShape(IContent content, Func<IContent, dynamic> shapeFactory);
        dynamic UpdateEditor(IContent content, IUpdateModel updater, string groupId = "");

    public class PrefixedEditorManager : IPrefixedEditorManager {
        private readonly IContentManager _contentManager;
        private readonly HashSet<int> _itemIds = new HashSet<int>();

        IEnumerable<int> IPrefixedEditorManager.ItemIds {
            get { return _itemIds; }

        public PrefixedEditorManager(IContentManager contentManager) {
            _contentManager = contentManager;

        public dynamic BuildShape(IContent content, Func<IContent, dynamic> shapeFactory) {
            return shapeFactory(content);

        public dynamic UpdateEditor(IContent content, IUpdateModel updater, string groupId = "") {
            return _contentManager.UpdateEditor(content, new PrefixedUpdater(updater, content.ContentItem.Id), groupId);

        public static string AttachPrefixToPrefix(int itemId, string currentPrefix) {
            return "id-" + itemId + "_" + currentPrefix;

        private class PrefixedUpdater : IUpdateModel {
            private readonly IUpdateModel _updater;
            private readonly int _itemId;

            public PrefixedUpdater(IUpdateModel updater, int itemId) {
                _updater = updater;
                _itemId = itemId;

            bool IUpdateModel.TryUpdateModel<TModel>(TModel model, string prefix, string[] includeProperties, string[] excludeProperties) {
                return _updater.TryUpdateModel<TModel>(model, AttachPrefixToPrefix(_itemId, prefix), includeProperties, excludeProperties);

            void IUpdateModel.AddModelError(string key, LocalizedString errorMessage) {
                _updater.AddModelError(key, errorMessage);

// Corresponding ShapeTableProvider to set the prefix for editors built through the previous service
    public class PrefixedEditorShapeTable : IShapeTableProvider {
        private readonly Work<IPrefixedEditorManager> _prefixedEditorManagerWork;

        public PrefixedEditorShapeTable(Work<IPrefixedEditorManager> prefixedEditorManagerWork) {
            _prefixedEditorManagerWork = prefixedEditorManagerWork;

        public void Discover(ShapeTableBuilder builder) {
                .OnDisplaying(displaying => {
                    var shape = displaying.Shape;
                    int itemId = shape.ContentItem.Id;

                    if (!_prefixedEditorManagerWork.Value.ItemIds.Contains(itemId)) return;

                    shape.Prefix = PrefixedEditorManager.AttachPrefixToPrefix(itemId, shape.Prefix);

I'd push this to the core if appropriate. What do you think?

Aug 25, 2012 at 2:29 AM

I think it's very creative! Could you provide some sample code on how to use this exactly? Both for rendering and handling the post back.

Aug 26, 2012 at 10:53 AM

Thank you! Sure, here it is:

// Building shapes
// _prefixedEditorManager is an injected IPrefixedEditorManager instance

foreach (var item in contentItems) {
    // Inside the shape factory lambda we could use BuildEditor or any other shape building mechanism too
    var editorShape = _prefixedEditorManager.BuildShape(item, (content => _contentManager.BuildDisplay(content)));
    // Do something with the shape, e.g. add it to a list shape

// Updating items, same as ContentManager.UpdateEditor
// We could get the list of items by using the same technique as Core.Contents AdminController bulk edit: include a form element with name "itemIds" for each item, then let the model binder give us all ids by having an IEnumerable<int> itemIds argument on the post back action.
foreach (var item in items) {
    _prefixedEditorManager.UpdateEditor(item, this);

Aug 28, 2012 at 9:16 PM

I love it. Thanks.

Aug 28, 2012 at 9:28 PM

Great, I'm glad :-).

Jan 11, 2013 at 10:27 AM

awesome Piedone, thanks !

Jan 11, 2013 at 10:57 AM

I'm glad :-).

Sep 9, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Thanks to the kindness of Onestop, PrefixedEditorManager is now part of Helpful Libraries.


text:
Utah Jazz and Mountain America Credit Union ‘Pass It Along’ to Boys & Girls Clubs of South Valley

Program to Award $5,000 to the Organization

1314slash-contests-passitalong-300.jpgSALT LAKE CITY (March 14, 2014) – The Utah Jazz and Mountain America Credit Union today announced the Boys & Girls Clubs of South Valley (BGCSV) as the fourth recipient of ‘Pass It Along,’ a new program featuring fan nomination opportunities that will award a total of $25,000 to five local charitable organizations. The program is part of Mountain America and the Utah Jazz’s shared commitment to community outreach.

In recognition of its significant and ongoing contributions to children and families, BGCSV will be presented with a $5,000 donation during the Jazz home game on Friday, March 14. Jazz forward/center Derrick Favors and Mountain America Executive Vice President Marshall Paepke will help present the check to the organization.

“We are so grateful to be recognized and honored as a recipient of the ‘Pass It Along’ program,” said Bob Dunn, executive director of the Boys & Girls Clubs of South Valley. “As the oldest and largest Boys & Girls Club in the state of Utah, the Boys & Girls Clubs of South Valley serves over 1,100 youth every day in our after-school and child care programs. With the support of organizations like the Utah Jazz and Mountain America Credit Union, we will be able to deepen our impact with these young people.”

For 47 years, BGCSV has provided young people what they need and want most: adults who respect and listen to them; a safe environment where they can have fun and be themselves; and interesting, constructive activities that channel youthful energy into challenging pursuits. BGCSV has nearly 3,000 registered members and offers 11 age-appropriate programs each year. Clubs are located in Murray and Midvale, and additional programs operate after school at elementary schools in Midvale, Kearns, West Jordan and Sandy. Many of the organizations’ members come from at-risk environments, and BGCSV work tirelessly to ensure that success, hope and opportunity is within reach of every youth and family that enters its doors.

‘Pass It Along’ gives Jazz fans the opportunity to help select the winning organizations via an online nomination process. By logging on to www.utahjazz.com/passitalong, fans may nominate the local charitable organization that they feel goes above and beyond to give back to the community. In addition to the $5,000 donation, each organization selected receives a special visit from the Utah Jazz, tickets to a game and in-arena recognition.


text:
Bay's Retreat
Will Bay be a part of the Carlton Tolerance retreat on Switched at Birth? "Duel of Two Women" is the tenth episode of the show's second season.

Rating: 5.0 / 5.0 (1 Vote)
Photo Credit:
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Switched at Birth Season 2 Episode 3 Quotes

Noah: Where's a volleyball when you need one, huh?
Bay: You heard about that?

Natalie: That's the whole problem, hearies calling the shots.
Bay: Um, okay, I'll start. Natalie Pierce is a bully.
Natalie: Bay Kennish is a poser.


text:
Home | About Us | Career | Contact Us
Laws of Games | Management
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HOST: Baseball Association of Odisha under the auspices of Amateur Baseball Federation of India and Baseball Federation of Asia.
CONTACT PERSONS: Baseball Association of Odisha secretary Sibananda Pradhan (Mobile: 94370-25780/ 097780-21897/ 097763-20785 and Organising secretary: Anjan Kumar Khuntia (Mobile: 9337269647).
*     Around 200 players from Japan, Korea, China, Chinese Taipei, Thailand, Hong Kong, Philippines, Sri Lanka, Pakistan and India would be seen in action during the week-long championship.
*     Accommodation for players and officials has been arranged at hotel Swosti Plaza in Bhubaneswar.
*     A budget of Rs 1 crore has been estimated for the successful staging of the championship.

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The Open UniversitySkip to content

Digital Scholarship Audit Report

Pearce, Nick (2010). Digital Scholarship Audit Report. The Open University, Milton Keynes, UK.

Full text available as:
PDF (Version of Record) - Requires a PDF viewer such as GSview, Xpdf or Adobe Acrobat Reader
Download (125Kb)
Google Scholar: Look up in Google Scholar

This report will describe the audit of digital scholarship practices that was carried out over the period between 2nd November 2009 and 31st July 2010 as part of the wider Digital Scholarship project. The original proposal for the project included the intention to “conduct [an] exploration of current academic researchers’ practices in digital scholarship” and this document is the result of that exploration.

Item Type: Other
Copyright Holders: 2010 The Author
Keywords: digital scholarship
Academic Unit/Department: Institute of Educational Technology
Item ID: 23143
Depositing User: Martin Weller
Date Deposited: 17 Sep 2010 15:09
Last Modified: 25 Oct 2012 06:34
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de Souza Filho, C. R.; Drury, S. A.; Denniss, A. M.; Carlton, R. W. T. and Rothery, D. A. (1996). Restoration of corrupted optical Fuyo-1 (JERS-1) data using frequency domain techniques. Photogrammetric Engineering and Remote Sensing, 62(9) pp. 1037–1047.

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Open Source Developers Club - Modiin

The OSDC Modiin is going to have regular monthly meeting starting February 2014 in the Modiin Hub. If you are interested, please subscribe to our mailing list.

Planned events

Past Events

Planned Topics

Some of the topics that will be addressed during the meetings include

Come, join us on the mailing list and suggest your topics.

The source of the site is in GitHub


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[Top] [All Lists]

Setting MAC addr on ethernet cards?

To: "netdev@xxxxxxxxxxx" <netdev@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: Setting MAC addr on ethernet cards?
From: Ben Greear <greearb@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sat, 26 Feb 2000 18:09:41 -0700
Organization: Candela Technologies
Sender: owner-netdev@xxxxxxxxxxx
I took a peek at the rtl and tulip drivers, and neither implement
the ability to set the MAC address.  (ifconfig shows the MAC is
set, but the card won't accept the pkts unless it's in promisc mode.)

Was this not implemented in these drivers because the hardware
doesn't support it, or just because the coders didn't get around
to it?

If it's the latter, anyone wanna volunteer a patch? :)

Ben Greear (greearb@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
Author of ScryMUD: 4444        (Released under GPL)

<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>


text:
Appcast for LightZone version history with a sparkle via en-us 0 is the essential desktop photo-editing software for people who value their photographs. LightZone is purpose-built for photography and allows anyone, regardless of photographic skillset, to edit photographs quickly and easily 150 photoediting photos photography raw imaging editor hdr editing Commercial with demo LightZone 3.1 Version: 3.1

No changes specified]]>
13024 Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:47:13 -0000 not specified


text:
– Paul Theroux

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bluebirds of Happiness and Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, ....
~ Emily Dickinson~ 1891

This is for my friends and family....,
Listen to your inner voice and hope for new beginnings.
Be well and of good spirit and always look at the beauty around you.
I wish you health, I wish you peace
I wish you quiet, sunfilled days.

Happy New Year!
Posted by Picasa

  1. I enlarged your 2 pictures,let me just say you are one lucky woman. The birds oh so sweet and blue. I have many little brown sparrows come to our backyard but alas no bluebirds. Is the other bird an oriole?

  2. ohhh i love to see the birds bathe! we have seen them get into the waterfall of the pnd and you woudl think they woudl be knocked down and drown in the hard fall of the water but, they seem to love it.
    Happy new year to you too!

  3. Great pictures. Great quote. May God continue you to bless you in this New Year. Madeline

  4. Happy New Year to all my feathered and furry and tall up right friends at Over Good Ground. Thanks for the beautiful blessing!!! God bless you all.

  5. Happy new Year to you, my friend. The freshness in the year makes me dance with joy. Your wishes are gathered eagerly and held fast to my heart. Thank you! : D

Please leave a comment here.
I love to hear what you think about my blog. Feel free to speak your mind. Please be honest.., but remember your manners.


text:
Monday, July 03, 2006

Taste of Chicago...'s wallets

Guy: "...and I can't believe I keep coming back here."

Girl: "Come on. It's fun. There's food, music, people, the lake. And we're not at work."

Guy: "If I was at work, there would be a radio, coworkers, and a view of the lake. As for food, I could pay less than seven dollars for a 'taste' of pizza and expense it later!"

- Taste of Chicago

-- Submitted by Amy

No comments:


text:
13 January 2007

Maps, Footnotes, and Other Historians' Fantasies

There are books on my reading table that together add up to 1,516 pages. Of those pages, over 141 are reference material, including:

  • 12 maps
  • multiple glossaries
  • multiple tables of names
  • footnotes
Are these the Revolutionary War history books that I study? No, of course not! Academic historians must beg for a budget that covers maps. And as for footnotes on the same page instead of endnotes stuck at the back of the book (if they're stuck in at all)--well, only Bartimaeus has the power to make that possible.

Yes, the books I've dissected are all fantasy novels for young readers:
And yes, each of these thick-enough-to-stand-in-a-high-wind books is also merely one installment in a series. There are thousands of more pages about these worlds on the shelves or in the works, quite possibly with hundreds of more pages of reference material. In fact, Monster Blood Tattoo started as notebooks of non-narrative reference material and only later turned novelistic (a journey I don't think it's completed with full success, but that's a topic for another day).

Creating a verisimilitudinous world is one of the joyous responsibilities of fantasy writers who set their stories in other universes. A map can ease that task and excite readers with the possibilities of life in that world beyond the borders of the book. But dictionary entries just aren't that much fun to read, especially when one must read them to understand a story, when they duplicate information in a story, or when they give away bits of the story--which some of these reference materials threaten to do. At the very least, they make the historian in me jealous.

One dissection of fantasy literature that reads exactly like a collection of dictionary entries--because it is--is Diana Wynne Jones's Tough Guide to Fantasyland, republished last fall in trade paperback form. Originally that book was a mass-market paperback in the US, so it had to be reset and redesigned for this edition. It looks like that task was handled by a designer with the geographically evocative name of Tony Sahara.

Unfortunately, a major casualty of the shift to larger pages was the old-fashioned map in the first edition. It's been replaced with a mere thick-lined representation of a map, like something one would found on the back of a cereal box. No, no, no! Fantasy novel maps are crowded, antique affairs full of stippled mountains and far too little farmland. If this genre of fiction must include reference material, those pages should look right.

lemming said...

If I live to be 186 I will never forgive Ruth Plumley Thompson for reversing the Munchkin and Winkie countries, thus ensuring that all subsequent maps would get it wrong. Grrr.

J. L. Bell said...

To be fair to Thompson, the map she was working from, originally published in Tik-Tok of Oz, pointed right to the west and left to the east—opposite our standard. So after a few books she understandably began to picture Munchkinland, on the left side of the map, as in the west of Oz.

Thompson switched back to the original orientation for a couple of books, then put Munchkinland in the west again. And at some point the publisher Reilly & Lee, which hadn't helped her by correcting her errors, reissued the map of Oz with its compass in the usual format, thus reinforcing what Thompson's latest books were saying.

The Int'l Wizard of Oz Club publishes maps with the proper compass orientation, Munchkinland in the east, and locations from all of the Oz books and Baum's related fantasies laid out. It's a masterpiece of speculative cartography.

lemming said...

Thanks for the linked suggestion - I have been looking for a proper map, one of a size that I could copy, color in and keep on hand for reference, for quite a while. I'd found an Atlas of fictional places, which had a lovely map for the countries around OZ, but reversed the two, and was most frustrated.

J. L. Bell said...

The Oz Club maps are about ledger size (11x17 inches), and come in glorious color already. I hope that fits your wish list.

Also, Books of Wonder sells a "Wonderful World of Oz" poster by Dick Martin that gives an overview of the country (with Munchkinland properly in the east) in the style of some other classic storyland posters.


text:
Staying Strong by Demi Lovato

Staying Strong by Demi Lovato
Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year

 “Be grateful for your journey because it is yours alone.”

For superstar, Demi Lovato, life has been a journey  a time of dazzling achievements and heartbreaking losses.

She is a multi-platinum-selling recording artist, television star and actress.  She has faced struggles ranging from addiction to depression, all the while on a search for self-discovery and happiness. Demi has chronicled her journey in the media, in her song lyrics, and to her 17 million followers on Twitter.

Those Tweets evolved into Staying Strong, a powerful 365-day collection of Demi’s most honest, brave and hopeful insights.  Here are her own words, with quotes that inspire her, as well as personal reflections and goals.

This is a book for everyone, everywhere, on their own journey who need comfort, inspiration and a reason every day to stay strong.

Like Demi on Facebook
Follow Demi Online
Follow Demi on Twitter
alt tag goes here

© 2013 Feiwel & Friends. An imprint of Macmillan. All Rights Reserved.

Se fuerte

Jacket Photo copyright © Matthias Vriens-McGrath / Trunk Archive

alt tag goes here

 “Two things define you: your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything. —Unknown.”

Going hand-in-hand with Demi Lovato’s #1 New York Times-bestselling book of affirmations, Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year, comes a companion journal. In a beautifully designed and free-flowing paperback format of lined pages and blank pages, this journal has everything for readers and writers to capture and reflect on what they feel at any given moment.

Staying Strong: A Journal also features new quotes chosen by Demi throughout to help inspire and motivate expression—happiness, sadness and everything in between. Demi reminds readers that it’s important to express yourself in order to stay strong every day. Barnes & Noble Books-a-Million IndieBound Powell's Books Walmart

Staying Strong A Journal
Staying Strong a Journal Barnes & Noble Books-a-Million IndieBound Powell's Books Target Walmart

Demi Lovato Staying Strong
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