text:
It is that time again -- the season of the tyranny of the Thin Mint. For roughly the next month, Girl Scout cookies will be on sale across the country. Although this is a jolly annual rite in many offices, in others it is a grueling ordeal every bit as competitive as climbing the corporate ladder.

It is just too stressful.

What do you do, for example, when Bob from down the hall brings in Ashley, his daughter, carrying an invoice sheet and cookie order form? She wants to know if you'd rather have the Caramel deLites, known as "Samoas" by insiders, or the "Do-si-dos," which are the peanut butter sandwich cookies. (Not to be confused with "Tagalongs," those oddly addicting chocolate-drenched peanut butter patties.)

You say you'd rather just stick with the Thin Mints, the perennial best- seller? Well of course you would. That's a given. Ashley wants to know what you'd like for your second box.

Forget the fact that Susan, the receptionist, has a cookie sign up sheet on her desk at the front door. Don't even bother trying to explain the ethical and personal relationship questions of why you'd buy from Bob's daughter but not Susan's. You did know that they are having an inter-office competition, didn't you? Along with Carl in systems, whose daughter, Amanda, sold more than 1,000 boxes last year and got her picture in the local newspaper. But don't worry about that.

There are bigger concerns.

What happens when Jerry, the boss, posts his daughter's cookie order invoice outside his door? What do you do then?

Well, duh. You buy some cookies. Are you daft? A little face time with Jerry, some chuckling over those darn kids and how quickly they grow up and some points for throwing a few bucks toward his daughter's troop.

Do you want to pass up a chance like that?

It is just that some people feel a certain ... pressure when the boss opens his cookie shop this time of year. You don't think Jerry would be miffed if you didn't buy a box this year, do you? Do you want to take that chance? And what the heck, the Reduced Fat Lemon Pastry Cremes hardly have any calories at all.

"And pretty soon," says Bill Truesdell, president of the Management Advantage Inc., an HR consulting firm in Walnut Creek, "you have a freezer full of cookies."

It is at this point that some readers have already jumped up to pound out an angry e-mail to remind me that selling Girl Scout cookies teaches young girls about responsibility, planning and confidence. Selling cookies allows them to interact with the public and raise money for worthwhile causes.

All of which is true. But what about the Marauding Mites Pee-Wee Soccer Club or the Thundering Bassoons Marching Band? Aren't they doing fine work too? Do you mean to say you bought Girl Scout cookies from Jerry's daughter but you won't put down a couple of bucks for a raffle ticket to, say, provide new computers for Gloria's daughter's school?

Oh, and did Gloria mention that her daughter goes to a private religious school that teaches an anti-abortion doctrine?

And there's the pinch. Girl Scout cookies are fine. Magazine subscriptions for the library fund are no problem. We're all behind the tsunami relief efforts. But sooner or later something is going to come along that causes a problem.

"There is pressure, tremendous pressure, on people," says Ethan Winning, founder of Winning Associates, a Walnut Creek consulting firm that specializes in writing employee handbooks. "It isn't just Girl Scout cookies, it is any kind of giving campaign. It can become almost like tithing a salary."

Winning recommends in all his handbooks that companies simply enforce a strict "no solicitations" policy. That way they don't have to explain why one fund-raiser is fine while another is inappropriate.

"That's exactly why ... some of the other organizations are cutting off (solicitations)," says Truesdell, "whether it is the Salvation Army ringing a bell in front of a store to donations to religious organizations. They are taking a lot of heat for it, but they think it is for the best."

And don't think you can leave the problem at the office. One dad described sending his daughter out into the neighborhood, clad proudly in her Girl Scout uniform, to sell cookies but encountering very little success.

"Um, actually," many homeowners would say, eyes darting furtively back and forth, "we usually buy from Sarah."

After a few stops, she got the message. She was working Sarah's turf. Apparently there was a cookie peddling range war out here in the suburbs.

To avoid the strife, at home and at the office, you might want to say you've adopted a "no solicitations" policy. You don't buy anything from anyone.

Which only leaves one problem.

What if you like the Iced Berry Pinatas and desperately want a box? No worries. Although it is strictly against the Girl Scout guidelines, enterprising scalpers have taken to selling cookies on eBay.


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A man was shot and killed on a busy street in Berkeley on Monday morning, the city's first homicide of the year, police said.

Officers responding to reports of gunshots just after 11 a.m. found a 34-year-old man who had been hit at least once on the 1000 block of Delaware Street, between 10th Street and San Pablo Avenue, said Officer Jennifer Coats, a police spokeswoman.

The man was pronounced dead at a hospital. His name has not been released.

Witnesses said they had seen people running from the scene and a gold-colored sedan driving away around the time of the shooting, according to Coats. She said the sedan was probably the victim's car.

Anyone with information is asked to call the police homicide detail at (510) 981-5741 or leave an anonymous tip at Bay Area Crime Stoppers, (800) 222-8477.

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text:
Smartphone robberies of lone pedestrians at night drove a 35 percent increase in pedestrian robberies in Berkeley during the first six months of 2013, according to the city's semiannual crime report.

One hundred and eighty people reported being robbed of their cell phones during the first half of the year, police said. Burglaries rose by 10 percent and crime in other categories was down or even, compared with the same period in 2012.

"We need to do a better job of educating residents and students. You can't walk around at night talking on your cell phone," said City Councilwoman Susan Wengraf. "These are mostly crimes of opportunity."

The smartphone robberies in Berkeley reflect a widespread trend across the country. University of California and Berkeley police regularly talk to student groups about crime prevention, although constant student turnover presents a challenge, officials said.

"We all get so used to using our cell phones. 'Let me look up this restaurant.' But you really shouldn't do that," said Berkeley police spokeswoman Jennifer Coats. "Especially with earbuds in your ears."

There were also 479 burglaries, compared with 433 last year. Arson was also up, from six to eight cases.

Homicides, aggravated assault, auto thefts and larceny decreased. There were 18 rapes in both periods.

Residential burglaries continue to plague neighborhoods. The rate fell steadily from 2009 to 2012, but leaped up this year, according to the report.

In the Berkeley hills, residents are installing alarms, organizing neighborhood watch groups and taking other measures to curtail break-ins, Wengraf said.

"It's a question of educating people about security," she said. "You can't leave doors and windows unlocked. You have to take precautions, even during the day."

Berkeley's police force has dropped by about a dozen officers over the past few years due to budget cuts and unfilled vacancies. According to the most recent city budget, the department has 133 officers and an overall staff of 281. In 2005 there were 147 officers.

To curb the increase in property theft, the Police Department has deployed officers on bicycles downtown and along Telegraph Avenue, busy areas where thousands of students pass daily, and sent more officers to burglary-prone neighborhoods.

Carolyn Jones is a San Francisco Chronicle staff writer. E-mail:


text:
News Ticker

Exclusive Cover Reveal! THE STEAMPUNK USER’S MANUAL by Jeff VanderMeer and Desirina Boskovich

Here’s the cover (designed by Galen Smith) and synopsis for the beautiful and upcoming steampunk book The Steampunk User’s Manual: An Illustrated Practical and Whimsical Guide to Creating Retro-futurist Dreams by Jeff VanderMeer and Desirina Boskovich, coming out in October 2014.

Here’s the synopsis (larger cover version appear below):

Steampunk, the retro-futuristic cultural movement, has become a substantial and permanent genre in the worlds of fantasy and science fiction. A large part of its appeal is that, at its core, Steampunk is about doing it yourself: building on the past while also innovating and creating something original. VanderMeer’s latest book offers practical and inspirational guidance for readers to find their individual path into this realm. Including sections on art, fashion, architecture, crafts, music, performance, and storytelling, The Steampunk User’s Manual provides a conceptual how-to guide that motivates and awes both the armchair enthusiast and the committed creator. Examples range from the utterly doable to the completely over-the-top, encouraging participation and imagination at all levels.

Book info as per Amazon US [Also available via Amazon UK]:

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Abrams Image; Ill edition (October 7, 2014)
  • ISBN-10: 1419708988
  • ISBN-13: 978-1419708985

Here’s a larger version…or check out the OMIGOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW HUGE THIS IMAGE IS! version!

About John DeNardo (12264 Articles)
John DeNardo is the Managing Editor at SF Signal and a columnist at Kirkus Reviews. He also likes bagels. So there.


text:
Continuing Education Meetings

No boring lectures here! The SFVMA strives to bring you only the most exciting, relevent continuing education experiences presented with the most high-tech means available. Join us for a SFVMA CE Meeting and experience the difference for yourself!

Check out our schedule below and reserve your spot today!

July 2015 CE Meeting

Frequently Asked Questions in Veterinary Dermatology

SPEAKER: Michael A. Wong, DVM, Diiplomate ACVIM

  Sponsored by Souttheast Veterinary Neurology

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

LOCATION: BankUnited Center, the  Hurricane Room

1245 Dauer Drive, Coral Gables, FL

TIME: 7 PM Registration |  7:30 PM Lecture

COST: SFVMA members: FREE  |  non-members: $35

Please RSVP by February 14th by telephone: 305-667-7238

or click below to email:

Subject: TBA

August 26th, 2015

Speaker: Ana Keoppel

Sponsored by Merck

Subject: TBA

September 16th, 2015

Speaker: Dr. Juan Sardinas

Sponsored by MVS

Subject: TBA

October 21st, 2015

Speaker: Isabel Leon

Sponsored by Virbac

Subject: TBA

November 18th, 2015

Speaker: Janet Perales

Sponsored by SVRC

Vets Fore Pets

Find a Vet

Click here to find a vet

in your area!

Want to become an SFVMA member?

Click here to learn how!

- or -

fill out our contact form.

Low-Cost Spay & Neuter Clinics

Click here for a complete list of low-cost spay & neuter clinics (located throughout Miami-Dade).

Want to Volunteer?

Click here to visit the

South Florida Veterinary Foundation, a non-profit division of the SFVMA.

Get Social.

Connect with us on Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest.

Print Print | Sitemap
© S. Florida Veterinary Medical Association | Site design by:


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She is convent educated , Bachelors in commerce, E-com, MBA - Finance (Institute of Chartered Financial Analyst of India). Will inherit property worth 5 Cr.

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  • Pennsylvania, USA

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We are looking for well educated, understanding, down to earth, ambitious boy from well cultured, fun loving family.
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Mother: M.E. Civil, Professor at Engineering College.
Brother: Studying EECS, Undergraduate , at Massachusetts Institute of Technology,USA
lifestyle & appearance
Doesn't Drink
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her family
Ours is an upper middle class family, originally from Rajastan, with moderate values. She personally has a liberal approach to life. Her father runs a business and her mother is a professional. She has 1 brother (unmarried).
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December 10, 2012

(Washington, D.C.) – General Colin Powell, USA (Ret.), the former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the 65th United States Secretary of State, joined a letter today with dozens of military leaders urging Congressional support for an amendment introduced by U.S. Senator Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) that would allow the Department of Defense to cover the cost of abortions for servicewomen who are survivors of rape and incest. The letter was sent to the Chairman and Ranking Member in the Senate and House Armed Services Committees.

The Shaheen Amendment was included in the version of the National Defense Authorization Act passed unanimously by the Senate on December 4th and is now pending final negotiation between House and Senate conferees.

The Shaheen Amendment would put Department of Defense rules in line with other federal policies and would help ensure that women in uniform receive the same insurance coverage as the civilians they protect. Under current law, the Department of Defense is allowed to only provide coverage for an abortion if the servicewoman’s life is in danger. Unlike most other federal health programs, there is no exemption for abortion coverage in the case of rape or incest.

The text of letter is below:

December 9, 2012

The Honorable Carl Levin                                                              The Honorable John McCain

Chairman                                                                                Ranking Member

Senate Armed Services Committee                                         Senate Armed Services Committee

269 Russell Senate Office Building                                            241 Russell Senate Office Building

Washington, DC 20510                                                                   Washington, DC 20510

The Honorable Buck McKeon                                                     The Honorable Adam Smith

Chairman                                                                                Ranking Member

House Armed Services Committee                                          House Armed Services Committee

2184 Rayburn House Office Building                                        2402 Rayburn House Office Building

Washington, DC 20515                                                                   Washington, DC 20515

CC:         The Honorable Harry Reid, U.S. Senate Majority Leader

                The Honorable Mitch McConnell, U.S. Senate Minority Leader

                The Honorable John Boehner, Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

                The Honorable Nancy Pelosi, U.S. House of Representatives Minority Leader

Dear Sirs:

We, the undersigned, are flag and general officers, and former and retired commissioned and non-commissioned officers. We write to express our strong support for the Shaheen Amendment to the FY13 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) (Section 711 of H.R. 4310 as passed by the Senate) that provides equal health care for servicewomen and military dependents who are survivors of rape and incest by extending the same abortion coverage provided to all other women enrolled in federal health care. We respectfully ask that this provision be included in the final defense authorization bill that will be sent to each chamber for final passage.

It has been our privilege to lead and serve alongside the brave men and women of our armed forces and we believe that they deserve the best medical care that our country can provide. We were therefore greatly disappointed to learn that, by federal statute, the Department of Defense is barred from providing insurance coverage for abortion except where a pregnant woman’s life is endangered. Unlike other current federal restrictions on abortion coverage, the military ban provides no exception for cases of rape and incest. The current policy is unfair and must be changed.

Restoring abortion coverage to our servicewomen and military family members who are survivors of rape and incest would bring the Department of Defense in line with the policy that governs other federal programs, such as Medicaid or the Federal Employee Health Benefit program. At the very least, our military women deserve the same access to care as civilian women who rely on the federal government for their health care. Our servicewomen commit their lives to defending our freedoms; Congress should respect their service and sacrifice and provide them with the same level of health care coverage it provides civilians.

Additionally, claims that military physicians would be forced to provide abortions even if they have a religious or moral objection are absolutely false and, in this circumstance, are misdirected. The Shaheen Amendment is about insurance coverage. Moreover, military policy has long provided conscience protections for those military health care professionals who object to abortion and these protections remain in effect today.

We stand ready to work with you, and other members of Congress, to ensure that the Shaheen Amendment becomes law this year. Our servicewomen deserve nothing less.

Thank you for your dedication and leadership on behalf of the men and women of our armed forces.

Colin L. Powell, General, USA (Ret.), VA

Ronald R. Blanck, DO, Lieutenant General, MC, USA (Ret.), DE

Robert G. Gard, Jr., Lieutenant General, USA (Ret.), VA

Charles B. Green, MD, MPH, Lieutenant General, USAF (Ret.), TN

Arlen D. Jameson, Lieutenant General, USAF (Ret.), TX

Claudia J. Kennedy, Lieutenant General, USA (Ret.), SC

Harold M. Koenig, MD, Vice Admiral, USN (Ret.), CA

Carol A. Mutter, Lieutenant General, USMC (Ret.), IN

James M. Thompson, Lieutenant General, USA (Ret.), ID

Nancy R. Adams, Major General, USA (Ret.), FL

Donna F. Barbisch, DHA, MPH, Major General, USA (Ret.), Washington, DC

Stephen M. Goldfein, Major General, USAF (Ret.), VA

Marcelite J. Harris, Major General, USAF (Ret.), GA

Dennis J. Laich, Major General, USAR (Ret.), OH

Gale S. Pollock, CRNA, FACHE, FAAN, Major General, USA (Ret.), VA

Alan M. Steinman, MD, Rear Admiral, USPHS/USCG (Ret.), WA

Deborah C. Wheeling, MS, MSN, RN, Major General, ARNG (Ret.), NY

Clara Adams-Ender, RN, MS, FAAN, Brigadier General, USA (Ret.), VA

Julia J. Cleckley, Brigadier General, ARNG (Ret.), VA

Evelyn “Pat” Foote, Brigadier General, USA (Ret.), MD

John Johns, Brigadier General, USA (Ret.), VA

Rabbi Harold L. Robinson, Rear Admiral, CHC, USN (Ret.), MA

Wilma L. Vaught, Brigadier General, USAF (Ret.), VA

Ralph J. Cook, Colonel, USA (Ret.), VA

Elizabeth W. Fleming, Colonel, JA USAR (Ret.), AK

William L. Hauser, Colonel, USA (Ret.), FL

Lawrence Korb, Captain, USNR (Ret.), VA

Lory Manning, Captain, USN (Ret.), VA

Dwayne Oslund, Captain, USN (Ret.), CA

Joellen Oslund, Captain, USNR (Ret.), CA

Michael E. Pheneger, Colonel, USA (Ret.), FL

Katherine Scheirman, MD, Colonel, USAF (Ret.), OK

Glenna L. Tinney, Captain, MSC, USN (Ret.), VA

Sherry de Vries, Lieutenant Colonel, USMC (Ret.), VA

Marilla Cushman, Lieutenant Colonel, USA (Ret.), VA

Grant R. Doty, Lieutenant Colonel, USA (Ret.), MO

Darlene Iskra, Commander, USN (Ret.), WA

Coy A. Flowers, MD, FACOG, Lieutenant Commander (former), MC, USNR, WV

Anuradha K. Bhagwati, Captain (former), USMC, NY

Gregory S. Jacob, Captain (former), USMC, NY

John L. Estrada, 15th SMMC, USMC (Ret.), FL

Joel Jenkins, CSM, USA (Ret.), HI

Cindy McNally, Chief Master Sergeant, USAF (Ret.), VA

Robert McNally, Chief Master Sergeant, USAF (Ret.), VA

Press Contact

Press Office, (202) 224-5553


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Dining Offers

Sunday Garden Party at Atmosphere by the sea

This offer is available from 8 Jul 2015 through 30 Aug 2015.

While enjoying this great venue for a cosy Sunday gathering with loved ones, indulge in the signature highlights of the buffet, which include grilled specialties, roasts from a live carving station, freshly shucked oysters, king crab legs and an assorted cheese platter.

In addition, from now until 30 August 2015, diners can enjoy free-flowing selected wine, beer, soft drinks and chilled juices as a special treat!

Little ones will be kept busy with a series of activities and entertainment. After the meal, diners can enjoy complimentary access to the resort's swimming pool, children's water slides and splash pad!

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From 12noon to 3pm (buffet lunch)

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One child aged 11 years old or below can dine for free with every paying adult. SGD 28 will be charged for each additional child.

Complimentary parking will be given to diners. Parking spaces are subject to availability.

Terms and Conditions
  1. Prices are subject to a 10% service charge and the prevailing government tax.

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For reservations, please call (65) 6371 1966, email fbreservation.sen@shangri-la.com or click here.


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Klein Bottles variations [message #55029] Mon, 08 October 2012 13:59 UTC
avatar fdecomite  is currently offline fdecomite
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Go to my shop
Just received this afternoon. Both look great.

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Brain and Nervous System

Can my brain get tired?

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  • AMehmet Oz, MD, Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

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Church will present 2 Biblical speakers

10:18 AM, Jul. 25, 2013  |  Comments
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Anointing Oil Faith Church presents two speakers.

Dr. Larry Ollison, pastor, teacher, author, international and national speaker, brings the word of God with great clarity and a sense of humor woven in.

Dr. Terry Mize, missionary and minister to pastors throughout the world, is a no-nonsense minister of the Gospel who tells it "like it is." He deciphers Biblical truths and ties them in with world events of today.

Presentations are at 7 p.m. Aug. 2, 10 a.m. and 7 p.m. Aug. 3 and 10 a.m. Aug. 4. They are hosted by pastors Dar and Clara Kobs, Anointing Oil Faith Church, 1320 Pepper Ave., Wisconsin Rapids.

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World's Largest Sheet Music Selection

A Simple Song of Praise

Contemporary Praise and Worship Songs in Easy-to-Play Piano Arrangements

By John Cumberland

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Piano - Easy
Contemporary Praise and Worship Songs in Easy-to-Play Piano Arrangements. Composed by John Cumberland. Sacred. Lorenz Publishing Company #70/1718L. Published by Lorenz Publishing Company (LO.70-1718L).

Item Number: LO.70-1718L

Level 1 - The response to John Cumberland's first piano book, "Simple Worship" (70/1650L), made clear a need for tasteful but simple piano arrangements of contemporary worship songs. We asked him to assemble another set of current worship favorites, and he responded with the twelve titles in "A Simple Song of Praise." The list of songwriters includes such favorites as Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Keith Getty, Stuart Townend, Tim Hughes, and Brenton Brown. As in the first book, the settings here are designed to suit smaller hands, and some tricky rhythms have been straightened out for easier reading. Words are provided in the score if you'd like to sing along as you play!

  • Sing to the King  Composed by Billy James Foote
  • Enough  Composed by Chris Tomlin
  • Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)  Composed by Chris Tomlin
  • Blessed Be Your Name  Composed by Matt Redman
  • Give Us Clean Hands  Composed by Charlie Hall
  • The Power of the Cross  Composed by Keith Getty
  • We Fall Down  Composed by Chris Tomlin
  • Beautiful One  Composed by Tim Hughes
  • Everlasting God  Composed by Brenton Brown
  • The Heart of Worship  Composed by Matt Redman
  • How Deep the Fatherâ€™s Love for Us  Composed by Stuart Townend
  • God Of Grace  Composed by Keith Getty


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From This Moment On

By Shania Twain

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By Shania Twain. Easy Guitar with TAB. Classical; Country; Love; Pop; Wedding. Standard notation with tablature. 5 pages. Published by Hal Leonard - Digital Sheet Music (HX.20098).

Item Number: HX.20098

With standard notation with tablature. Classical; Country; Love; Pop; Wedding.

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Thine Is The Glory

By George Frideric Handel

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By George Frideric Handel. Christian; Easter; Hymn. 4 pages. Published by Hal Leonard - Digital Sheet Music (HX.151279).

Item Number: HX.151279

About Digital Downloads

Digital Downloads are downloadable sheet music files that can be viewed directly on your computer, tablet or mobile device. Once you download your digital sheet music, you can view and print it at home, school, or anywhere you want to make music, and you don’t have to be connected to the internet. Just purchase, download and play!

PLEASE NOTE: Your Digital Download will have a watermark at the bottom of each page that will include your name, purchase date and number of copies purchased. You are only authorized to print the number of copies that you have purchased. You may not digitally distribute or print more copies than purchased for use (i.e., you may not print or digitally distribute individual copies to friends or students).

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The Books: “Shelley, Also Known As Shirley” (Shelley Winters)

3269_1.JPGDaily Book Excerpt: Entertainment Biography/Memoir

Shelley: Also known as Shirley, by Shelley Winters

There are so many great Shelley Winters stories (and this is only the first volume of her autobiography – there’s another one that follows) but the following is my favorite. I can’t even remember where I heard it -maybe from her. I’ve heard her speak a couple of times. She is exactly what you would imagine. A little bit crazy, insightful as hell, bawdy, funny, and you wish she would never stop talking. The story goes: Shelley Winters is in her 60s. She has already had a long and crazily successful career, but she is now getting old. An up-and-coming director is considering her for a role in a movie and he makes a beginner’s mistake – he asks her to audition. You don’t ask stars to audition. You have meetings with them, you do lunch, but you don’t ask a star to come in and read sides, as though she is a beginner. It is assumed that Shelley Winters knows how to act. That is one of the perks of being a star! Now Shelley Winters was never a dummy or a diva – she liked to WORK (and her career shows that – she was working, and very well, right up to the end), but she did think, “Audition?? What are you, cracked?” She went to meet the director at his office. She was dressed in her normal attire: urban bag-lady with a big floppy hat. She carried an enormous bag over one shoulder. The director was a big fan of hers, “Oh, so excited you’re coming to read, Miss Winters, thank you so much …” Shelley Winters sat down, opened her bag, rummaged around in it for a bit, and pulled out one Oscar statue. Plopped it down on the desk. Then she reached into the bag again, rummaged around again, and pulled out a second Oscar statue. Plopped it down on the desk. Barked, “So. Do I still need to audition?”

Naturally, she got the part. Lessons learned all around. I just love that. She made her point.

Shelley Winters’ autobiography is not as relentlessly entertaining as Lana Turner’s (excerpt here) but it’s pretty damn close. She didn’t have quite the tabloid frenzy surrounding her that Turner did, and much of her career was about, you know, ACTING, so her books have a different focus – but they are just as much fun to read. Shelley Winters gossips like crazy, tells stories, spares no one, and yet also comes across as generous and big-hearted. She always gives credit where credit is due. Even if it’s to herself! Winters was an oddball, a kind of gangly big-boned girl with a funny-looking face that could look glamorous in certain lights, but that was not what she was known for. She was known for her blasted-open performances, she was known for her hard work and her disinterest in being liked. That is one of the great gifts of NOT being beautiful. She didn’t have to worry so much about pleasing people, she didn’t have that problem that so many beautiful people in the business have.

She went about her business, and got some pretty damn great parts, she worked hard, and also played hard. She slept with everyone. She sounds like a riot. If Lana Turner remembers every outfit she ever wore, then Shelley Winters remembers every meal she ever had. The books are full of food! From the tuna sandwiches she had as a kid, to the chocolate milk shakes she would share with her roommate, Marilyn Monroe … Winters loved food! The books have a zest for life that really comes across. You know that she is telling you conversations word for word that probably never really went down that way … but it doesn’t matter. She’s chatting with you, the reader, about what she remembers. Also, she’s an entertainer. Like I said, she was no dummy. She knows how to tell a good tale.

David Thomson writes of her in his Biographical Dictionary of Film:

Blowsy, effusive, brash, and maternal, either voluptuous or drab, Shelley Winters is at her best when driven to wonder, “How did a girl like me get into a high-class movie like this?”

The highlights of her career are well-known. But the book is full of everything else, her commitment to the Actors Studio and working on her craft (which never stopped for her), her romances, her fuck buddies, her struggles to either be taken seriously or to NOT be taken seriously, her rehearsal process, how she worked, how she thought about script and character … These are wonderful books. She’s a terrific companion. Crazy, still proud of her triumphs, unafraid to be honest about herself, unafraid also to say, “You know what? I was terrific in that part”, and funny as hell. Great anecdotal portraits of other people too – George Cukor, Marlon Brando, John Gielgud, Marilyn Monroe – all of her colleagues and friends and co-workers … she gives us generous portraits of all of them.

I have written before about the epiphany I had when I was 12 years old after seeing Dog Day Afternoon and East of Eden. Those movies led me on a research frenzy which brought me into contact, very early, with all of those Actors Studio afficianados – Carroll Baker, Paddy Chayefsky, Ben Gazzara, Michael Gazzo, the Strasbergs … I would pore through the index pages of entertainment biographies looking for mention of James Dean, and that was how I started. I hadn’t heard of any of those people at the time I was 12. But by the time I was 13, I felt like I knew them all personally. Shelley Winters’ autobiographies were a big part of that journey. I read them both when I was 12, basically looking only for mention of James Dean and Marlon Brando but I got sucked into them in their own right. I had not seen Place in the Sun or Lolita, although I HAD seen Poseidon Adventure and it was amazing to me that that fat woman underwater was the cheesecake blonde in a bathing suit I saw in the photos of the book. But she was. Same person.

Since then, I’ve read both of the books multiple times. They’re a lot of fun. I’ve actually lost the second volume in my various moves so I will have to rectify that!

You know, Montgomery Clift was apparently dismayed at her performance in Place in the Sun. He thought she was terrible, way too whiny. I think that might be the case of someone being too close to the work to really be able to see it. It is her whininess in Place in the Sun that helps elevate it to the dark American tragedy that it is. Not that anyone deserves to be murdered, but her character is so relentlessly whiny and needy that a strange thing happens to me, the viewer, as I watch that film: I start to want to get rid of her too. Even though she is an innocent, a victim of circumstance! NONE of it is her fault. You’d whine too if some guy knocked you up and refused to deal with it, instead spent his time at the house on the hill, hanging out with the hottie daughter who looks like Elizabeth Taylor! Shelley Winters fearlessly brings out the unpleasant nature of that character, simpering and hovering, with a scarf over her head, getting more and more upset and awful as the film goes on, as her situation deepens its desperation. This is not a woman used to sticking up for herself, this is not a woman who knows how to say, “Look, buddy, you had sex with me, I’m pregnant, deal with yourself!” Let us not forget that Shelley Winters herself, in real life, WAS the type of person who would say, “Listen, jagoff, I’m knocked up and you did it and you’re involved whether you want to be or not.” So she’s ACTING here. This is not who she is. That character does not make open demands. Instead, she stares at him longingly, not saying a word, until he is driven mad by guilt and rage. She NEEDS to be that annoying in order for his actions to make sense. Yes, he is driven by his twisted version of the American dream, and she needs to be out of the way in order for him to ascend … so there is THAT … but also, her unpleasantness, her unlikeability, gives the film a startling uneasy tension. I always feel implicated myself when I watch it. Because I find myself thinking like HIM. I find myself thinking, “If only she could just disappear somehow …” It’s upsetting. I don’t like MYSELF when I watch that movie, and that’s really something. How often do movies do that?

Here is an excerpt from the first volume. Shelley Winters had had some success on the New York stage, and had done some movies. She was making her way. At some point, she was offered the role of Ado Annie in the long-running smash hit Oklahoma. She would be replacing the actress playing the part – always a kind of daunting experience. Winters was back in New York, getting ready to step into the role, and was spending her days studying at the Actors Studio. That’s the excerpt I chose today.

Wonderful books. Wonderful actress.

EXCERPT FROM Shelley: Also known as Shirley, by Shelley Winters

The next morning I did have a slight hangover, and although I brushed my teeth five times, I could still taste the onions. I got to rehearsal fifteen minutes late because I couldn’t get a cab in the rain. Very New York. I rushed past the St. James Theater doorman and onto the bare stage, tearing off my coat. I was running so fast I almost fell off the stage into the orchestra pit. The stage manager caught me; he was with an assistant stage manager and a rehearsal pianist under a work light. “Miss Winters, I presume,” he said. “You’re fifteen minutes late; that means you’re docked three dollars. A dollar for every five minutes.”

That was his opening line to me. Our relationship deteriorated for the next nine months, so you can imagine what his closing line was.

Still trying to establish some kind of rapport, I smiled and said, “That’s all right. I’ll be making five hundred dollars a week in this show. But from now on I’ll be on time.”

When I said $500 a week, his face got chalky. He grabbed my arm and whispered tensely, “Don’t you tell anyone else in the cast that. Lawrence Langner must have lost his mind.”

I pulled my arm away, rubbed it and said, “Listen, Mr. Simon Legree, this show has been running for almost five years. Maybe I’ll give it a shot in the arm if you don’t break my arm first.”

He replied, “Unfortunately you have a run-of-the-play contract, and the understudy who did just beautifully for the past eight weeks is back in the chorus. I’ll be damned if I know why they needed you.”

“Charming. Would you like to cut my throat now or later?”

Then started the most peculiar rehearsal I’ve ever had in my life, before or since. The stage manager held the script and read each line as he wanted me to read it – exactly as Celeste Holm had done it nearly five years ago. I was supposed to imitate him imitating her. Whenever he read my cue, I forgot my line because I have this strange habit of having language come out of my mouth as a result of thought. I had been trained by the New Theater School and George Cukor to perform this way, even in a musical comedy: The funniest comedy is when the timing is realistic and natural.

I tried, I really tried. The chalk marks which indicated the sets confused me, and when we got to the songs, the same thing happened. I knew the lyrics backward and forward, but my efforts to mimic him would make me forget them. The rehearsals were a struggle to the death. I thought I would go crazy. So did he.

I called Equity to find out if this was the way new actors were put into established roles, but Equity said, “We can’t make artistic decisions for the producers.” But what Equity did do for me was to inform the Theater Guild office that I was allowed to rehearse only four hours a day and not at all on matinee days. Happily this schedule allowed me to attend the Actors’ Studio almost immediately.

Soon the other understudies began to rehearse with me, thank God. I saw the show every night, and although the music and dancing were wonderful, there was a peculiar robot quality to the acting. I was to find out later that when actors stay in a show as long as five years, eight performances a week, the only way they can survive is to develop a technique whereby they literally turn off their minds at eight-thirty and don’t wake up again until eleven-fifteen. All the performances are done by rote, and they don’t have to even think about what they are saying or doing. Their brains just take a rest.

When we finally got to the dress rehearsal with the full cast, I really tried to imitate Celeste Holm, but I could no more do it than I could fly without an airplane. Langner and Theresa Helburn and Rodgers and Hammerstein watched my miserable strained rehearsal. It really was terrible. Langner asked me afterward what had happened to that performance I had given at the audition, so I told him the truth. “Mr. Langner, I can’t imitate another actress. I don’t know how. I have to give it my own interpretation and try to stick as close to the character as the author intended. I want this job, but I just can’t do it if I have to imitate someone else.”

The producers and writers had an artistic huddle, and then Langner said, in front of the whole cast, the chorus, the ballet and the stage manager, “For the last year the show has been looking very tired. The word of mouth has not been good, and business has been falling off. We have a huge company and thirty stagehands, and we need a great deal of publicity to keep the show alive. That’s why we brought Shelley all the way from Hollywood, to try to pep things up. So tomorrow, Shelley, when you go into the show, you do it your way. I’m going to give you another rehearsal with the orchestra, and then I’ll take another rehearsal of the scenes you’re involved in. And at tomorrow’s matinee I want you all to wake up and pay close attention and answer Shelley’s line readings because they will be different from what you’re used to. And unless you really talk to her, it will throw off your timing.” After two weeks of hellish rehearsals, I wanted to hug and kiss him right there in front of everybody.

Then I put everything else out of my mind, and for the next hour I had a wonderful rehearsal with the beautiful music of Oklahoma!, and I sang “I Cain’t Say No” in such a funny way that the rest of the cast started to laugh. I think they began to enjoy re-creating their roles, too, because I was different from the girls who had played it during the past five years. Everybody on the stage was enjoying himself.

Rodgers and Hammerstein took me to Sardi’s for dinner. Whenever Hammerstein went to the phone or the men’s room, Rodgers would tell me that the remarkable thing about Oklahoma! was its music and that I must sing out and be sure the audience heard the lovely melodies. I must sing as loudly as I could. Of course, I agreed. When Rodgers went to the phone, Oscar Hammerstein impressed on me how brilliant the lyrics were and that I must enunciate carefully so that the audience could understand all the funny lines or the show wouldn’t work. Never mind trying to sing too much, because the orchestra was playing the melodies anyway. Of course, I agreed with him too.

I went home to my little apartment hotel, confused and tremulous, and wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. How could I satisfy everybody? Then I remembered what Charles Feldman had whispered in my ear as I was leaving Universal a week before, “When you’ve got a good director, do as exactly as he says.” Lawrence Langner had been a fine director and had created the Theatre Guild and made it the most distinguished theatre company in America. And he had directed me to do it my way. I went to sleep content, resolved to obey my director, who in this case was my producer.

The next day I opened in the matinee. The house was packed with high school kids, probably a benefit or on twofers. Agnes de Mille, the show’s choreographer, came into my dressing room before the “half hour” and handed me a bouquet of toy oil wells, which, she said, was the state flower of Oklahoma. This made me laugh, and I stopped being so nervous.

The orchestra struck up the overture, a medley of music which by then was adored throughout the world. I made my entrance in a farmyard scene, bumping into a fence which had not been on the chalk marks that the stage manager had drawn on the bare stage at rehearsal. I kicked the fence and said, “Now, who jest put that darned thing there? It weren’t there last night when we was spoonin’.” And since this was in character for Ado Annie, the audience screamed with laughter. So did the orchestra and the rest of the cast. I was so encouraged by their laughter that I found every comic nuance I could for my “little hot-pants Ado Annie”. The show ran five minutes overtime because of the extra laughs.

As I left the stage, I was flying high, exhilarated with the joy of being in front of a live Broadway audience again who obviously loved and enjoyed me. The stage manager was waiting for me. “Listen, you Method actor,” he said, using the word as if it were the worst curse word in the language, “we only want laughs where they’ve been established. And on matinees the curtain is supposed to come down at five-fifteen, not five-twenty. Or else I have to pay the crew overtime.”

The producers and Rodgers and Hammerstein came rushing backstage into my dressing room, saying things like: “Shelley, this is the best show we’ve had since opening night. The audience is milling around the lobby, buying programs and the records.”

And Langner said, “The way you did it today, do it every show, and we’ll be back doing capacity business in no time.” The stage manager slunk out of the dressing room. They all took me to dinner at Sardi’s, but I didn’t eat much or drink anything, I was so high and happy. I knew I had another performance in a little while, and I wanted to rest and be fresh.

The Cold War was on in Europe, but it was nothing compared to the Cold War that was going on backstage at the St. James Theater. This went on for the nine months I was in the show. Even so, I came to love Oklahoma! with its beautiful music and ballet. I would stand in the wings opposite the stage manager and watch the show over and over again, especially Agnes de Mille’s ballets.

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14 Responses to The Books: “Shelley, Also Known As Shirley” (Shelley Winters)

  1. ted says:

    We’re both thinking about process today! And I’ve never read her memoirs – I’ve gotta. Remember her Natasha? Embarrassingly good.

  2. red says:

    I love the bit how Rodgers tells her the most important thing is the music and Hammerstein tells her the most important thing is the lyrics – and she agrees with both.

  3. red says:

    Oh and I forgot to mention Night of the Hunter in my post. I love her in that. It’s really Lillian Gish’s and Robert Mitchum’s movie – but her character haunts me.

  4. Catherine says:

    Oh, my. I just LOVE that opening sentence. “The next morning I did have a slight hangover, and although I brushed my teeth five times, I could still taste the onions.” That sounds like the start of every bad day I’ve ever had.

  5. Mary L says:

    Yes, Shelley Winters’ character in Night of the Hunter, her children’s vulnerability made startling by such maternal lassitude and stupidity. She is genius.

    I have a Shelley Winters story of sorts. A friend of mine had invited a close friend of hers to do a makeup demonstration to a women’s group I belonged to. This man had been a hollywood makeup artist for decades and told stories of various stars as he dabbled makeup on this or that volunteer. Someone asked who his least favorite star was and he said, hands down, Shelley Winters. He just hated her. What gives?

  6. red says:

    I think lots of people hated her (like that bitchy stage manager in the excerpt). Maybe she was a bitch, maybe he didn’t like her skin tone, maybe she chose another makeup artist over him for a special event, maybe she stole his boyfriend. Who knows why.

    She did not have a cuddly reputation. She spoke her mind. Always. People loved her or hated her.

  7. red says:

    And that scene in Night of the Hunter with her at the bottom of the lake! Stunning shot.

  8. DBW says:

    Wanted to mention her performance in A Patch of Blue. She is hateful and a really awful human being in that part. As a viewer, you want to smack her, or strangle her.

  9. red says:

    Okay, so help me out here movie buffs:

    I have a vivid memory of seeing a movie on television when I was a kid and it horrified me. It was a modernized version of the Hansel and Gretle story and Shelley Winters played the witch. I remember one scene in particular where she picked up mounds of candy in her hands, or maybe it was a chicken – I don’t know – and started gobbling it up, staring right at the kids with maniacal eyes.

    I have no idea what this movie was. It haunted me. I think it might have been black and white, but that might just be because my parents had a black and white television back then so EVERYTHING was black and white to me.

  10. red says:

    Answered my own question.

    1971’s Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?

    Weirdest movie ever. It also starred Mark Lester (who had played Oliver Twist in Oliver) – that was how I found it. Googled Mark Lester Hansel and Gretl and up came Whoever slew Auntie Roo.

    What a grotesque movie. I don’t think I’ve seen it since that day in 1975 or whenever it was, but much of it remains crystal clear in my memory.

  11. red says:

    And yes, Patch of Blue – she was great in that!

  12. Josie says:

    I loved her in “The Diary of Anne Frank” as Mrs. Van Daan (sp?). She really did stick out among the adult cast.

  13. red says:

    That was Oscar # 1!

  14. Nicola says:

    “Whenever he read my cue, I forgot my line because I have this strange habit of having language come out of my mouth as a result of thought.”

    That’s hilarious! And I agree I loved her in A Patch of Blue. But then I love that movie.

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Top 10 TV characters of the decade

Joel D. Amos is a Los Angeles-based writer, and the Senior Entertainment Editor here at SheKnows. He has interviewed numerous celebrities, including Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, Katherine Heigl, Rachel McAdams, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaw...

Top TV characters

As the final television season of the decade has begun, SheKnows looks at the Top 10 TV characters of the entire decade. From the rich ensembles of Desperate Housewives to the great Grey's, who will make the list of the Top 10 TV characters of the decade?

Sydney Bristow from AliasSydney Bristow on Alias

Sydney Bristow kicks old-fashioned television butt. There is no other way to put it. Jennifer Garner instantly became a sensation in 2001 when her Bristow burst on the television screen

As an CIA-type agent working alongside her father, Garner achieved a marvel.

Her Sydney was equal parts pinup for the guys with an overwhelming amount of super spy abilities to impress a female audience to make her a model for the powerful woman.

Garner's Sydney and the Alias show never quite hit the groove it needed to become a long-standing hit. It only ran from 2001 to 2006, but in that time Garner proved a powerful actress capable of carrying a complex, romantic and adventurous story with equal parts power and panache.

Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy

Beyond anchoring the show from a titular nature, Ellen Pompeo's Meredith Grey is simply a study in the world from the point of a view of one woman, in one city, with one set of circumstances. Yet, where Grey's Anatomy goes from primetime soap to passionately followed primetime top 10 smash of the 2000s.

TThe Sopranosony Soprano on The Sopranos

The mere mention of Tony Soprano's moniker conjures up images of hundreds of millions, even if they have never witness a single episode of The Sopranos.

In 1999, HBO launched the mob drama that was unlike anything ever produced about the Mafiosos and the women who love them and the children who look to them.

James Gandolfini was the Godfather of television from 1999 until the show's bow in 2007. What makes Gandolfini's Tony so gripping is his multilayered complexity that had been until then, previously unseen on a fictional mobster.

First, there is the family in the suburbs. The wife, the two kids – one boy, one girl – the two cars and the garage. Tony Soprano has the American Dream works.

Quickly, audiences realize this is no Brady Bunch. But, with the power of Gandolfini's Emmy-winning performance as Tony, Boss Soprano has crippling vulnerabilities that makes him more human than any other crime character in television history.

Ugly BettySure, Tony visits a therapist, but that is only one spoke in the wheel that is the complexity of a man trying to make a living, support his wife and family, deal with his mother issues, fend off threats from work that seek to unhinge his family's security, teenage children failing at resisting their raging hormones and independence urges, that is exactly why the layered performance by Gandolfini as Tony is a titan of television history.

Tie: Willimena Slater & Betty Suares on Ugly Betty

Ugly Betty is another terrific ensemble television staple of the decade. Yet, there is a yin and yang of awesomeness that is both Wilhelmina Slater as portrayed by Vanessa Williams and America Ferrera's Betty Suarez.

Willimeena is so inherently band while Betty is beautifully good. Willimeena's boardroom bodacious behavior is such a compliment to Betty's Bronx-based beautiful world.

SheKnows wishes they could give two Emmys to Williams and Ferrera. Without these two working together through the myriad of Mode, Ugly Betty would barely stand.

Because audiences have both characters anchoring the cast, Willimeena and Betty are one of SheKnows best TV characters of the decade.

Ugly Betty premieres on ABC October 9 at 8 pm!

Kate gets LostKate Austen on Lost

Kate does what she has to do to survive. Yes, we're chatting Lost, so that could mean a plane crash. Kate survives one of those, actually two!

Kate Austen is special for the decade of television that is the first decade of the 2000s because of the way her story has unraveled over five years as she murderously stuck up for her ungrateful mother to the radical change of Kate from fugitive to fawning mother with Evangeline Lilly at the wheel of character development is pure bliss.

So much of Kate's cauldron comes from her reaction to an emotional situation. Back in the United States in flashbacks or flashforwards, Kate navigates a road that keeps her storyline pumping in another ensemble piece where it would have been easy to be Lost.

Up next...the final four!

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Zac Brown Band the television show?

Kristin Watson is no stranger to the world of entertainment, having worked with both NBC and The History Channel. As a Chicago-based writer, Kristin provides SheKnows readers on both coasts with the hottest celebrity and entertainment ne...

zac brown band's delicious idea...

Zac Brown Band doesn't just know music -- they know food. Keep reading to find out what's in store for the hottest country band around.

Want your food served up by Zac Brown Band?

Zac Brown Band doesn't serve up concert food to the fans who come from all over to see them play sold out shows. They treat the travelers to the very best food and it may just be coming to the small screen.

Watch Zac Brown Band hit Today stage>>

Zac Brown, lead singer of the band, alluded to the fact that he might be turning his appreciation for food into a television show. Why not? He does have a team of chefs preparing what Brown calls, "real, Southern gourmet," to concert-goers.

Brown said of possibly doing a show centered around food, "We've talked about it."

He added, "We've filmed a lot of the stuff, a lot of the cooking elements of our stuff to possibly put a show together, and we definitely will do that one day."

Zac Brown Band treats fans to "eat and greets" and Zac said, "This isn't just a chance for somebody to come eat a bag of nachos and some cheese wiz [sic] at a concert."

As for shifting into a life in front of a camera rather than a stage, Zac Brown assured, "I think our lives in general are just pretty entertaining, or would be for most people. Getting that good content together and presenting it in a way...and putting it out there, there's a lot of that to come."

Zac Brown Band was just nominated for four CMA Awards and Zac Brown received a solo nod for the songwriter category. He could be racking up a lot of trophies by the end of the night!

Check out the 2011 Country Music Awards Wednesday, Nov. 9 to see if the Zac Brown Band walks away as winners.

Would you watch a show centered around a food-loving band like Zac Brown Band? Doesn't it sound scrumptious?

Photo credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images via CMT

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Billy Burke spills on Revolution love triangle

Team Rachel or Team Nora?

Revolution star Billy Burke lets SheKnows in on all the love and drama we can expect to see when the show returns.

Billy Burke portrays Miles on Revolution

We all saw that moment on the Revolution winter finale when Miles and Rachel almost kissed. The tension was there. The history was clearly there. But what happened between the two? Will it go anywhere? Will this lead to a Miles/Rachel/Nora love triangle? Oh, there are so many questions!

Luckily, SheKnows had the chance to chat with Miles himself, Billy Burke, who gave us a few clues about what's going down when the show returns.

J.J. Abrams talks Revolution Season 2 >>

"There's definitely some history between Rachel and Miles," Billy told SheKnows. "There's also history between Miles and Nora as well. When all three of those people get forced into the same group there might be some crackle that is unwanted."

It looks like Miles sure has a way with the ladies. "Somebody has to. I mean, in this world without power I feel like people would be hooking up left and right," Billy laughed.

Revolution: Power Struggle video >>

Other than the love-triangle drama, Miles has a lot of other serious issues on his plate in the upcoming episodes. Billy told us that Miles will certainly be struggling with his dark side and trying to keep all of his dirty laundry from surfacing.

Then there's the lingering question about whether Miles with jump ship and rejoin the dangerous militia. "Miles is always on his own side. As self-preservationist as he is he can't help but realize there are people now that he'll do anything for. So, that's the dilemma."

Missed some Revolution episodes? Check out the recaps! >>

Perhaps the biggest drama will be centered on the show's primary theme of power. Now that the power is back on will there be bigger obstacles and challenges? "That's one of the biggest questions the show asks. Were we better off before or with power?" Ah, those deep questions make this show so much fun to watch. Well, that and Billy's sexy sword fighting.

Watch all the love stories and drama unfold when the power comes back on March 25 on NBC.

Photo courtesy of WENN

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The key to successful relationships

Relationships can be the most difficult and joyful part of your life. You cannot avoid them unless you never get out of bed in the morning and sometimes not even then. You will find yourself interfacing with others almost immediately each day.
Due to the complex multiple roles you have in your life this can be plentiful. On an average day you could be talking to your husband, wife, co-workers, children, siblings, friends, parents, our children teachers, your significant other, your boss, the grocery clerk and at the end of the day it could be a telecommunication caller.

One of the most important skills that you need in any and all of these relationships is listening. Better listening skills will allow you to create a more harmonious relationship where respect and cooperation are more likely to occur.

So ask yourself now... How well do I really listen to others? How well do I listen to myself? Can I be still and quiet enough to really listen? Or do I feel restless when there is silence and so I start talking right away? Here are some tips on developing better listening skills.

1. Listen with concern and a desire to understand. Do not pretend to be listening or give only part of your attention if you are distracted. If you need and it is possible, ask the person to wait until you can be more attentive.

2. Let the other person talk without interrupting. Avoid quickly giving advice interrupting or making assumptions as to what you think they are going to say. Pause and breathe staying present and silent until he/she is finished.

3. Do not prepare your answer while they are talking. Try to stay only in the listening mode. Once you have all the information you will be more prepared to respond.

4. Do not engage in selective listening. Listen to the words, facts and overall content of the person ™s story. Do not just pay attention to what you find interesting.

5. While you are listening observe their facial expressions, gestures, eye movement and body posture. This will give you information as to what they might be feeling about their conversation, more information to help you understand.

The second part of the skill is learning to reflect back what you heard the person saying. Paraphrasing and repeating back what you heard allows the person to know you have been listening. It keeps clarity in conversation and allows for overall better communication. This is also a skill that requires some practice. Here are a few tips.

  • Try to briefly summarize what you heard them say and repeat it back to them.

  • Ask them is this is what they were trying to tell you. If not, try again to summarize or ask them to repeat part of what you did not understand.

  • Do not immediately respond with your belief, opinion or advise before you have clarified their position. Only give advice if they are asking for it.

  • Use empathy in your response instead of being judgmental. Be neutral and clarify what you heard their feelings, thoughts or opinions are. Do not yell, argue or criticize. Ask more questions. Try asking why, when, where or who questions. This gives you more information.

  • Determine what they need from you. Would they like you just to listen and say nothing, give feedback, provide advice, help them problem solve a situation. Of course, if you are talking to young children you may have to interrupt this yourself and offer what your intuition feels they need.

Whether you are in contact with your children, boss, husband, or wife or significant others these tools are valuable. For the next week or so try to exercise these new skills. Observe what happens when you listen and respond in an empathic manner instead of with advise, opinion or judgments. Make a note of the new interaction and compare it with your old way of listening or not listening. Observe their manner; are they calmer, more appreciate? What do you notice?

We all have a need to be listened to and understood. Most of us grew up with not enough of the focused attention we need. As a result we are all a little deprived, that is why so many of us want to talk and talk and talk and listening is something that we just don ™t know how to do. In fact we are uncomfortable with being quiet and still.

I suggest to you that if you practice you will benefit in many ways. All your relationships will dramatically improve. You will find that you will gain a greater ability to listen to yourself and you may find that others more readily give you time and attention. What we need from others we must be willing to give to them as well. Be patient, praise yourself for your efforts (don ™t wait for others to praise you), and watch your skill grow.

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Can you trust your teen?

Abbi Perets lives in Houston, TX, with her husband and five children.

Just trust me

Your teen swears he's trustworthy, and you want to believe him. But you weren't born yesterday, and even though an entire generation thinks of Matthew Broderick as Sarah Jessica Parker's husband, in your mind, he'll always be Ferris Bueller. So what's the right answer? What's a parent to do?

Teen Boy

Your business trip has been on the calendar for weeks, and just before you're supposed to leave, your husband lands an out-of-state job interview that can't be moved. Your high school junior can't miss two days of school to come along with either of you, but can you really leave him alone at home while you're gone?

Well, sure--according to him. He'd never do anything wrong, after all. He'll go to school, come home, do his homework, prepare a healthy dinner, clean the kitchen, and be in bed with a book by 10. He swears. Honest.

Even if you've never had real reason to think of your teen as untrustworthy, is he really ready to stay home alone? Are you really ready to let him?

Rally your team

Before you sit down to talk to your teen, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page. Have a calm discussion far out of your teen's earshot -- a local Starbucks is an ideal location -- and figure out what you both think and what you'll tell your teen. Even if the two of you don't agree, it's critical to come up with a decision you're both comfortable with, and to keep the front united.

If the two of you have wildly different opinions about what your teen can handle, you may need to go to an objective observer. If time permits, try to schedule an appointment with your child's guidance counselor or another school administrator who can offer a professional opinion. Not gonna happen? Invite a couple you both know and respect -- preferably one who knows your child -- for a quick powwow.

Talk to your teen

Once you've reached a decision, it's time to talk to your teen. Make every effort to make this discussion a family affair, with both parents present. If you've decided not to let your teen stay home alone, be diplomatic in your approach. Make it about your feelings, rather than about his trustworthiness. "What if you get sick or hurt? We'd have a hard time concentrating if we were worried that something might happen to you, so we'd like you to stay with Tim's family."

On the other hand, if you're taking the plunge and turning over your home to a teen, be sure to clarify rules and expectations explicitly. "We're trusting you to take care of the house, and more importantly, yourself. We'll be furious if you let something happen to the house. But we'd be devastated if you let something happen to you. So let's talk about what we expect."

Put as many instructions as possible in writing. Don't leave anything up in the air if it can be settled and set on paper. Curfew? Bedtime? Visiting hours? Write it down and go over it with your teen. Also let him know about your fail-safe measures -- the neighbors you've asked to pop by, the phone calls you expect from the home number at set times daily, and so on.

Keep your expectations realistic

If your kid chooses chips and ice cream over pot roast and leaves the kitchen a mess while you're away, consider yourself lucky. You're the proud parent of a healthy, normal teen. It's the spotless, sparking house that should make you wonder what prompted the clean-up.

You can expect your kid to test your rules a bit, but you need to be ready with consequences. The neighbor who checked up told you that Junior came home thirty minutes after curfew? Have a backup plan, so that Junior can spend tomorrow night with your ultra-strict friends and their toddlers. This will show your teen that trust is something earned with effort and easily lost.

One day, your teen will probably turn into a responsible, trustworthy adult. Eventually, he may even become someone you enjoy spending time with and willingly welcome into your home. Until that happens, however, make sure that trust isn't assumed, but rather earned and held closely.

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Fashion: My kind of Statement Tees

6/02/2009Shen Gee

Annevida, a makeup artist/accessory designer/fellow alumni, now offers statements tees in their online shop called My Princess Vi. Their designs are my kind of statement tees, cool and to the point. Their designs are funny and cute but still hits the fashion button really well. :) I just love it. :)

These shirts are priced at (sizes up to XXXL!!)
White: P250/$5
Black: P300/$6

Affordable, right? :)

Here are my fave designs (Picture heavy!)

nice one!

for girls whose bf are into airsoft

so me!

i'm in the getting fat stage.. hehehe!

who doesn't?

.... :)

yeah, what's yours?

so true! so true! bring on those manolos!

can't be more real than this.

i agree, don't you?

yeah, too bad..

I said this one time! :)

can we add Kikay? :) hehehe!

I like that the Statements speaks for itself and does not crowd the whole shirt or screams it.

So, what did you like in the designs? They have more at My Princess Vi. Check it out!

Please try not to steal the pics here, i just borrowed them myself!!

much love,

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In some cases, a Department Chair may have delegated this responsibility to the appropriate Dean who may review the credit evaluation before it is given to the applicant. If an applicant has questions about any part of an evaluation, he/she should first consult the individual who prepared the evaluation.

Appeals of an evaluation should be discussed with appropriate Dean.

Questions may be directed to the Registrar.

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[MOVIE] Prophet Yusuf (a.s) - Episode 40 - Urdu

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Prophet Yusuf A.S. Movie Series now in urdu by Payam Center. (Request from Uploader) Please purchase the original high quality DVDs of this movie series and others from Payam Center and its distributors to support the cause. To purchase the orignal DVDs, contacts are given at
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Salam I love the all videos of payamber-e-khuda so please upload Urdu parts 40 please allah apko salamat rakhe

what is the name of hazrat yusuf in this movie

I love prayers of Paighamber AS. They are very heart touching and no doubt a great message for us

salam please upload the rest of the episodes as soon as possible thanks.


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Party Directory > Iowa Party Directory > Cedar Rapids Party Directory > Cedar Rapids Banquet Halls

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The Jungle

The Jungle

by Upton Sinclair

The Jungle Chapter 15 Summary

READ THE BOOK: Chapter 15
  • Starting in summer, every time Ona has these hysterical crying fits, she promises Jurgis that it will never happen again.
  • Winter comes and, with it, the Christmas rush. Marija, Elzbieta, and Ona have to work fifteen or sixteen hours a day.
  • It's so exhausting that they can barely crawl into bed at night.
  • One night just before Thanksgiving, there is a huge snowstorm.
  • Jurgis has two drinks at a bar before going home and is struggling with his growing alcoholism.
  • Very early in the morning, Teta Elzbieta wakes him to tell him that Ona hasn't come home that night.
  • Marija, the children, and especially Stanislovas start to cry from fright – there is a deep blizzard outside, and they think she might have died in the cold.
  • Jurgis runs to the stockyards. He doesn't hear of any accidents on the way, and he finds that Ona did actually leave work the night before.
  • Ona comes into Jurgis's sight through the snow just as the factories start opening.
  • She falls into Jurgis's arms and explains that she spent the night with Jadvyga (that friend of hers from Chapter 1) because it was too cold to go home the night before.
  • Jurgis is so relieved to see her that he doesn't press any further.
  • For the rest of December before Christmas, Jurgis carries Ona to work in the mornings and meets her in the evenings to escort her home.
  • Just before the holidays, Marija and Teta Elzbieta come home at midnight saying that Ona left work before them.
  • The night isn't particularly cold or snowy, so no one can figure out why Ona has not come home yet.
  • They wake Jurgis to explain that Ona is mysteriously absent.
  • He assumes that Ona is staying with Jadvyga and decides to go to Jadvyga's apartment in the morning.
  • (There's a side note here explaining that Jadvyga has returned to live with her mother and sisters because her fiancé, Mikolas, has had his hand amputated because of persistent infection. They no longer plan to get married.)
  • Jurgis knocks on the door and one of Jadvyga's sisters answers.
  • She tells him that Ona hasn't been here – in fact, Ona has never been there, not even the night a month before when she claimed to have stayed over with Jadvyga.
  • Jurgis is totally dazed. He has no idea where Ona could be.
  • Jurgis goes to Ona's factory and finds that Ona's boss also isn't in.
  • Apparently, there has been some kind of problem with the streetcars, and no one from the city center has been able to get out to Packingtown.
  • Jurgis protests that Ona has never been to downtown Chicago.
  • The man who Jurgis is talking to seems to know something about Ona's whereabouts, but he won't say.
  • The man asks Jurgis, "How should I know where your wife goes?" (15.41).
  • Around noon, Jurgis asks at the police station if anyone has seen Ona. He eventually decides to head home and find her there.
  • Jurgis sees that the streetcars are running again.
  • He notices someone wearing Ona's distinctive hat get off a streetcar a few blocks away from their house.
  • He follows her carefully, suddenly suspicious about where she has been.
  • Ona enters the house, and Jurgis bursts in five minutes later.
  • Teta Elzbieta shushes Jurgis and tells him that Ona is asleep, that she has been sick, and that she has been wandering the streets all night in a daze.
  • Teta Elzbieta lies to Jurgis. She tells him that Ona came in soon after Jurgis left in the morning, and that she has been in bed ever since.
  • Jurgis walks straight into the bedroom and asks Ona where she has been.
  • Ona tries to repeat Teta Elzbieta's lie about Ona's sickness.
  • Jurgis tells her outright that she is lying to him. He knows that she has been downtown – he saw her get off the streetcar.
  • Ona begins to cry hysterically (again).
  • Teta Elzbieta comes in and tries to calm Ona, but Jurgis sends her out again.
  • Ona falls on the floor and appears to be convulsing. Jurgis thinks Ona might be dying.
  • Eventually, Ona reaches for Jurgis and begs him to have faith in her: she is trying to do the right thing. Jurgis should stop asking her where she is going; it will be better if he doesn't know.
  • She tells him that she has been to Miss Henderson's house downtown.
  • She continues to explain: her boss, Connor, warned her that he would make sure no one in her family could get a job in Packingtown if Ona didn't sleep with him.
  • This was two months before today.
  • After raping Ona in the hallway of her factory, Connor forced Ona to go to Miss Henderson's brothel.
  • Connor has been blackmailing Ona into becoming a prostitute after her hours as a factory laborer so that Jurgis and Marija can keep their jobs.
  • Ona has tried to keep it from Jurgis, especially since it would all have been over soon. She thinks he would have let her stop prostituting herself as her pregnancy continued because she is "getting ugly" (15.101).
  • But now that Jurgis knows, Ona is afraid that Jurgis will go and kill Connor and they will all be ruined.
  • Jurgis walks out of the house and runs to the nearest streetcar to go to Ona's factory.
  • Jurgis finds Connor, the boss of the people who load up the factory's products for shipment.
  • Jurgis leaps on top of Connor and starts to strangle him. He bashes Connor's head against the floor.
  • As the surrounding workers start to pull Jurgis off Connor, he bites Connor's cheek out of rage.
  • Finally, they manage to choke Jurgis to unconsciousness and drag him off to the police station.
READ THE BOOK: Chapter 15

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Polka Dot Ruffle 2pc Pajama Set 5 5 1 1
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game of thrones spoilers from a dance of dragons released early

July 5, 2011 by
Filed under movies, News, tv shows

In the book series A Song of Ice and Fire, A Dance of Dragons is Book 5.  The HBO series just started with book 1, and this 5th book took six years to finish.   It will be published in both the USA and UK on 12 July 2011. The plan is to release the ebook and print editions simultaneously.

Blame it on the 180 books mistakenly shipped in advance by Amazon, but there are advance spoilers and tidbits in the Book “a dance of dragons”, by author George RR Martin.


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Doreen Nagle: Look out for signs of teen depression

8:17 PM, Oct. 19, 2012  |  Comments

Teens can be moody, as anyone who has ever been one or is the parent of one will tell you. Disappointment and minor depression occurs in every life: it's how your child handles his or her depression that makes the difference. An alarming statistic from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15 to 24-year-olds, and the fourth leading cause of death for those between 10 and 14.

If this statistic concerns you, become familiar with the signs of clinical depression so you can help get your teen back on track and feeling fine about who they are:

Some signs

Is there a family history of depression? Does clinical depression, bipolar disorder or other mental health conditions run in the family? Some of these conditions are inheritable.

Have either of the following symptoms lasted a week or more?

Has your teen displayed an unhealthy change in appetite? For instance, does your teen skip lunch, insist he is not hungry at dinner or will only eat junk foods?

Is there a shift in behavior? Has she lost interest in friends? Has he decided the only company he wants is himself, holed up in his room with the door closed and unwilling to communicate with you? Have they lost interest in grooming? Sleeping more or noticeably less? (Note: medication may also have an effect in these areas so if your child is on medication, check with his pediatrician).

Has there been a recent major change in your child's life? A death of a loved one, break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Bad situations are a natural when we think of depression, but good ones may also have an adverse effect - moving to a new home might mean missing the old neighborhood, old school, old friends.

Has your usually good-natured child changed into an irritable one? Has there been a loss of self-confidence, a feeling of "less than" or "not as good as" or other feelings of self-loathing? Is there some residual guilt over an incident?

How to help

Don't pre-judge. If your teens are willing to talk to you, listen throughout. Ask prompting, not probing, questions to see where you can help. Don't assume your teen's feelings are negligible because of age. A broken heart hurts just as badly at 15 as it does at 35; add to that a 15-year-old does not have the perspective on relationships that a 35-year-old has.

Don't minimize moody behavior as just a "phase." If emotional problems could be easily fixed by "snapping out of it," your depressed teen would happily oblige.

Don't compare. If your child could be like Eddie across the street - happy, engaged, doing well in school - he would.

Don't take over. As tempting as it is to confront the "mean girls" at school yourself about their behavior toward your daughter, walk through various scenarios with her to see how she can confront those girls on her own. If she wants to, that is; otherwise, don't force it. Let her know that there have been "mean girls" since the beginning of time; relate your own experiences if they apply. Direct her to activities where she will feel more accepted (Does she like to ski? Is there a club at school?). This can help her rebuild her confidence and get perspective.

Tip from the parenting trenches:

If your child is withdrawn or showing other signs of depression for a longer period of time than normal, you might want to seek professional help. Choose a psychotherapist who will talk to your child in confidence, but who is willing to listen to your input on occasion. Your child is the one who needs to feel comfortable with the therapist, but you must also feel assured that the full story is being told. A therapist can only work with what is in front of him. He or she is not a psychic.

Doreen Nagle is author of "But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy" (HCI, $12.95). She welcomes your parenting tips and concerns at Follow her on Twitter, @ParentingDoreen.

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One And One

Miami Without Reggie Johnson Against Marquette In Sweet 16

Reggie Johnson Johnson's size inside will be a big loss for the 'Canes against an undersized Marquette team. (Greg Nelson/Sports Illustrated)

WASHINGTON D.C. -- No. 2 Miami will be without one of its key players when it faces No. 3 Marquette in the Round of 16 on Thursday night. Part-time starter Reggie Johnson is not traveling with the team to Washington D.C. this weekend and will not play because of a “lower extremity injury,” the school announced on Wednesday.

Johnson, a 6-foot-10, 292-pound center, averages 6.7 points and 7.0 rebounds per game for Miami. And while his statistics may not be overwhelming, he’s a key piece for the Hurricanes as a space eater and defensive presence in the middle.

Johnson went scoreless in 18 minutes against Illinois in the Round of 32, but did grab five rebounds. He scored seven points and had 10 rebounds against Pacific in Miami’s blowout win in their tournament opener.

The Hurricanes are used to playing without Johnson. He broke his thumb in December and missed eight games because of the injury. Miami went 6-2 in that stretch with losses to Indiana State and Arizona and victories over LaSalle and at North Carolina.

Johnson’s injury led to the emergence of Julian Gamble, a 6-foot-10 center who will likely see increased time in Johnson’s absence. Gamble had 11 points and 10 rebounds in 32 minutes in the ACC title game against North Carolina.
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