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Perfect Strawberry Jam

[Photograph: Lucy Baker]

This twist on classic strawberry jam includes a hint of honey. For best results, farm stand strawberries are essential (do not attempt with supermarket strawberries!). If your jam separates in the hot water bath and all the fruit floats to the top (known as "fruit float"), don't worry—gently shake or roll the jars every 30 minutes or so as they cool to redistribute the strawberries.

About the Author: Lucy Baker is a food writer and the author of The Boozy Baker: 75 Recipes for Spirited Sweets. She is currently at work on a second book about homemade food gifts. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and dachshund.

Every recipe we publish is tested, tasted, and Serious Eats-approved by our staff. Never miss a recipe again by following @SeriousRecipes on Twitter!

Perfect Strawberry Jam

About This Recipe

Yield:makes 5 cups, or 5 half-pint jars
Active time:45 minutes
Total time:1 hour 15 minutes
This recipe appears in: Preserved: Perfect Strawberry Jam

  • 1 1/2 cups sugar
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons Pomona's Universal Pectin
  • 4 cups coarsely chopped strawberries (from about 2 farm stand quarts)
  • 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed juice from 1 lemon
  • 3 teaspoons calcium water (included in the Pomona's packet)
  • 1/4 teaspoon unsalted butter
  • 1 cup honey

  1. 1

    Whisk the sugar and pectin a medium bowl and set aside.

  2. 2

    Combine the strawberries, lemon juice, calcium water, and butter in a large, heavy-bottomed pot and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Add the honey and the sugar-pectin mixture and return the fruit mixture to a boil, stirring constantly. Boil hard for one minute.

  3. 3

    Remove pot from heat and skim any foam from surface of jam with cold metal spoon. Ladle jam into hot sterilized jars and process them in a hot water bath for 10 minutes.

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'filters' on Serious Eats

Coffee Filters: You Should Clean Them

Paper coffee filters are disposable, so they should always be clean, right? Well, sort of: Despite their box's tamper-evident packaging, paper filters come with a host of taste contaminants all their own. From the basic papery flavor they can contribute themselves to the slightly dirty or woody taste that can come from any dust that might settle inside them, paper filters are a subject of much discussion and disagreement among incredibly discerning coffee lovers: To rinse or not to rinse? More

London Dispatch: Dodging Espresso Machines for the Filter Coffee at Monmouth Coffee Co.

This week, our correspondent Brian Yarvin writes to us from London instead of his normal bureau in New Jersey. Thanks for the transatlantic update, Brian! As a long-term observer of the British hot drink scene, I've noticed how mechanized the experience has become. Places that used to sell loose tea twenty years ago, now serve it from a bag and get the hot water from an espresso machine. The ubiquity of espresso machines in Britain is disturbing, especially when sheep farmers and pickup cricket players are drinking double mochachinos. While thinking about this and walking through London's Borough Market, I spotted a jam-packed, tiny shop called Monmouth Coffee making filter coffee. Yes, there was an espresso machine in the back—for... More

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'allspice' on Serious Eats

Mulled Wine Ice Cream

This ice cream works a lot like vanilla bean—gently but assertively spiced with floral, fruity, and citrusy flavors working in tandem. It's a good general purpose ice cream but with a point of view all its own. The way mulled wine should be. More

Frank Cisneros's Poinsettia Punch

A bright pink, gin-based punch might sound like a light, fruity drink, but it's anything but. Floral NOLET'S Silver Dry Gin takes on warm winter spice through allspice dram and cinnamon syrup, while lemon juice and a touch of grenadine bring in citrus and sweetness. As a garnish, Cisneros recommends a cloved lemon wheel. More

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While we've made many features available on our site to help streamline the vehicle buying process, you can rest assured that you'll still get exceptional service and personalized assistance any time you visit our Ford dealership in Colma, California. Serramonte's sales associates and financial representatives are always here to answer any questions you have about inventory and current Ford lease and finance incentives. The only difference is that now, if you wish, you can use our site to research vehicle specs, get the credit approval process started early and view the details of current incentives before visiting the dealership. Serramonte Ford serves our neighbors around the entire San Francisco Bay area including Pacifica, Daly City, Oakland, San Rafael, San Bruno, San Mateo and Marin.

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I have an ovation vxt that has a piezo in the bridge along with 2 duncan '59. Like the one pictured here.
Ovation Hybrid Acoustic Electric Guitar -  Specialty Acoustic-Electric Guitars, Cutaway- Specialty Acoustic-Electric Guitars- Acoustic-Electric Guitars- Guitars- Guitar & Bass-
im looking to get $700 plus shipping
Also it is signed by lamb of god and wyclef jean. I have a pic packet if you pm your email and it does come with an ohsc
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Warning: You will probably bawl your eyes out when you watch this video.

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Monday, April 1, 2013

Batik Quilt for 21st

My Daughter was very proud to have been part of making this quilt for her boyfriend's 21st!

And who could guess that a week later they would be engaged to get married next year!
 (At  least there is a good chance of the quilt staying in the family! )   haha

  1. How exciting! congratulations to daughter and boyfriend! and a wedding to prepare for!!! you're in for a busy time:-) nice to see you back in blog-land,


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Because of You

The Facts:

Pattern: Blouse-Du Barry Perfect Pattern 5245 view 1  Shorts-McCall’s 5633

Year: 1941 and 2011

Fabric: 1 1/2 yds green and yellow flowy fabric $4 1yd stretch black cotton from stash

Notions: 2 zipper from stash, 6 beautiful black buttons $6, 2 buttons from previous project and 4 from stash

Time to Complete: Longer than it should have-seriously

First Worn: For this photo shoot

Wear again?: Yes

Total Price: $10

This outfit took longer than it should have. The blouse was actually a cinch it was the shorts that gave me trouble. I’ll start with the blouse.

When I bought this pattern I never thought I would make the blouse. It reminds me of my step dad’s grandmother. Just add a high lace collar and there you go. She wore the blouse with matching poly suits in every color you can imagine. I couldn’t make a vest since I made one for the Accessories Challenge using a different 1940′s pattern. I am not a fan of gathering, I end up with a lot of pleats and flat spots. This blouse is a gathering extravaganza! There are gathers below the collar in front and at the top and bottom of the sleeves. They’re not perfect but it’s not too obvious. I had a little trouble with the zipper so after my third attempt I just sewed the side closed. I decided not to add the front darts so it was easy to slip on. I like this blouse a lot. It’s so girly and sweet. My favorite feature is the collar. For the button closure I used a bigger button and added one on the other side of the loop as well. The sleeve plackets are on the inside along the seam. It’s the first time I’d ever made one on that side. If I make the blouse again I’ll sew the seam all the way and add the placket to the other side so you can see the buttons better. For this blouse I used buttons from my husband’s grandmother’s button stash. I like to think they were from the 1940′s as well. I didn’t take any pictures of them but they’re quite pretty. Black sparkly ovals.

The shorts took forever! It’s all my fault. I can’t seem to leave a pattern alone. I didn’t really mess with the blouse because I wanted to stay as true to the design as I could. I used the same pattern for the shorts that I did for the Buttons Challenge but I wanted them to zip in back and wanted to add buttons along the front. On my first attempt I saw that the pockets needed to be angled more so that the buttons didn’t end up along the side. I removed the pockets and brought them in by 2 inches. I wanted a ruffle to run along the edge so I spent an afternoon making the ruffles and sewed them in only to realize that they puckered out in an unflattering way. Out came the seam ripper again. I decided to make faux buttonholes. After spending some time measuring and marking the placement of each buttonhole seam I made them on both sides and discovered that I was off and the sides didn’t match. I took my extra fabric and made another side front then carefully marked each spot where the buttonholes would go. This design doesn’t have a waistband so adding a zipper was tricky. After spending so much time on this teeny tiny project I did a bad job inserting the zipper hemmed up the bottom and decided to call them done even though they fit a bit loose. My husband encouraged me not to give up so I picked up the shorts and removed the zipper and facings. I made a proper waistband and got to work again. I ended up cutting the zipper too short so I had to remove it and add another. This one is not black but English Tan. You can’t see it so it’s OK. Because I added a waistband it brought the waistline up so I had to add another set of buttons. These don’t match but look similar so they work fine. I did not take the time to add more faux buttonholes though.

They look good and fit well so I’m glad I pushed through. The fabric is a bit heavy so they won’t work on really hot days but I’m still psyched to have a nice pair of black shorts.

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday so I just want everyone to know that he is the best gift I have ever gotten. I have really blossomed under his care and I am so blessed to get to spend my life with him. Happy Birthday Love!

The title comes form a song written in 1940 and is dedicated to my husband.

Gina Clark is a girl from Texas living in the Midwest. She has been sewing most of her life but swears every few months that she is giving it up for good.

Comments are closed.

  1. I love both the shorts and the shirt. You look fab in this shirt. I think it looks very modern and on trend, but also classic enough to stand the test of time. Super chic!

    • Thank you Clarissa! I think this fabric would make a great dress too. I love the lines of color-it would work well as a maxi. You are always very sweet-thank you!

  2. You are such a babe, Gina!! I love these pictures. You look amazing in green!! I like what you’ve done with the shorts. I think they came out fantastically, so your work was well worth it! Happy birthday to your hubby!! We’re all glad he takes such good care of our girl!

    • Nettie-I am so touched that I have a place in this community. Thank you! I will try and add more green to my wardrobe. I lean more towards military and olive greens so I’ll look for brighter greens at the fabric store. I’d also love to make something in a bright yellow. That’s the color I wanted for the shorts. I’ll pass along your birthday wishes to my husband.

  3. Gorgeous shirt, and I love the shorts. And Happy Birthday to hubby!

    • Thank you! The blouse is pretty sweet. I think Sew Weekly has also helped me step outside my typical sewing box. I think this pattern would have sat around a lot longer if not for this challenge.

  4. Super cute combo. I love it how you combined the 40s style with something modern.

  5. Thank you. I felt like a skirt or pants would have been too much. A blouse like that definitely needs a little skin to keep the look fresh.

  6. Hey Gina, another fabulous outfit! You look great in green, the color really makes your eyes pop. The outfit reminds of Carrie on “Sex ion the City”, trés Chic.

  7. Great look on you, Gina! I love the color splash of the blouse and I adore those shorts. They remind me of Colette’s new pattern for shorts. Have you seen it? I love how her patterns fit and I like your idea of the buttons on the pockets. You have inspired me once again with an “I gotta make that” idea.

  8. Your shorts look amazing!!! You’ve reminded me I need some new black shorts in my wardrobe. I love your blouse too. Very pretty silhouette.

  9. Love the fabric you chose for the blouse and the shorts look perfect. Adding the waistband was a great idea they sit perfectly on your waistline, glad to hear you have support, way to go hubby. How did your hostess gig go? I answered your turban question over on my post.

  10. I’m glad you didn’t give up on the shorts– they look so cool! Love the fancy buttons. Pairing the shorts with the prim (in a good way!) blouse is brilliant and your style really comes through.

  11. I hope your husband had a wonderful birthday. I have a diamond like that who rescued me too and keeps me alive….they are the most special things in the world. I love those shorts and the fit you’ve got on them through your hardwork…..but especially love that blouse, the print is so happy and fresh.

  12. Beautiful outfit, as usual : ) I love the shorts especially because of the buttons but the whole thing is stunning.


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A chance encounter, draws a teenage boy to a needy girl. The two find their way through the unknown, guiding each other, on the trail.
Look at the categories, and read according to your pleasure, that way you will not get to the bottom of a story, and feel like you need to complain about the subject matter. Unless, someone didn't correctly identify their story.

[b]As always, if you have not liked any of my stories, hit the back button now, you will not like this one.[/i]

I normally hate stories that take forever to get to the sex. Well, I wrote one and this is it. So, if you normally fast forward to the sex in a porno movie, you probably will hate this one. Sorry.

Finding a treasure at Winn-Dixie:

Daniel turned the corner heading up the frozen food isle and to his delight, he spotted a potential target for feeding his lust. Wild dirty blond hair, flared out and hanging six inches past her shoulders, her legs just straight in her pants, gave no indication of their shape, but they were attached to a butt that was worth looking at.

Her pants were obviously hand-me downs, that she had not grown into yet. Her shirt, on the other hand, was something she had already grown out of. As she leaned over the cart she was pushing, half her back was exposed. Her pants failed to contour to her body, so where her body bent at the waist, her pants continued straight up.

Daniel couldn't tell how old the girl was, from looking at her backside, but her curved butt looked old enough for a good look, and a pass bye, for sure. As he got closer, he spotted a tattoo on her left shoulder, and felt sure he was in for a treat once he made is walk bye, and fake turn around. He used this method for checking out girls all the time, once he got a good look at them from behind, he made like he forgot something, and then spun around to get a good look at the front. If they sparked his teenage lust, he would go past them from the front, then make another correction, heading back for a closer ass view. Then the rest of the day he could imagine her as he wished he had a girlfriend.

Even though Daniel was a very handsome young man, with a great personality, he was very shy. He had always been home schooled by his very conservative Christian mother. She had a plan to keep him from all the sins of this world. The past few years they didn't even go to church, because she felt like there were too many fake people there.

Even with all the isolation, Daniel connected very easily with people. Not for his efforts, because, for the most part, he was scared to strike up a conversation with most people, especially girls. But, people were drawn to him, just because of his brilliant smile, and good nature. He was gifted with a super personality. Connections that had been made earlier at church lasted, and he did odd jobs, since he was eleven years old, that allowed him to know many people. He mowed lawns, cleaned cars, painted, and did just about anything else folks around town would hire him to do.

Daniel was very smart, strong and capable. Now fifteen years old, he already stood five, eleven and a half, wore a ten and a half shoe, and weighed one hundred eighty five pounds. He spent most of his spare time, since he was a young boy, lifting weights, riding bikes, motocross and four wheelers, plus working hard, so he was solid muscle. He had a thirty inch waist, but legs that belonged on a person with a thirty two inch waist, so his legs never fit in his jeans correctly, and you could always see his leg muscles bulging out.

In the back of Daniel's mind he knew he was wasting his time checking this girl out, because he wasn't going to talk to her, but at least he could dream. Once he closed the distance to half the isle length, he realized her company wasn't a welcoming bunch. As a matter of fact, he almost turned right at the halfway break out of the frozen food section. A very tall fat lady, a short fat little girl, and a fat boy cluttered around her. Not that Daniel had anything against fat people, his own mother was probably seventy five pounds over weight, but she kept herself very neat, clean, and wore clothes that fit her size. These people seemed to be, sloppy, even dirty looking, mean looking people. All sporting tattoos!

"Maybe those are fake, who would let a kid get a tattoo?" Daniel thought as he slowly scanned the gaggle of people around the TV dinners. Not sure who was with who, but the shaggy, light brown haired girl still drew a hard look from his passing eyes. The cart she slumped over, held three cases of beer, and two cases of Hot Pockets, nothing else.

A sad feeling rose inside Daniel's heart, as he realized how sad the sight was, and how sad the girl looked. She might have been pretty, but she looked a mess, with her hair all over the place. Her clothes didn't fit right, she wasn't even really clean. But, it wasn't her fault, obviously she had never been taught how to look right, nobody corrected her before she left the house, that was clear from the way her mother looked. She might be beautiful, but Daniel only noticed the sadness, as he passed by.

Even though he had lost his desire for a front view, he turned around anyway, more for a reality check, then a stare. Once he did his about-face, his eyes met the most sparkling blue eyes he had ever seen. Those eyes were surrounded by a bright, lightly freckled face, that even though it wasn't terribly clean, it held an appeal. Frozen for a second, Daniel scanned the scene before reconnecting with those blue eyes.

Words without meaning, followed by a shove from the fat boy, broke up Daniel's love affair with the dirty faced girl. He continued back past her, turning only for a second to remind himself of the original object of his attention. Sure enough, her round ass was still attached to her skinny legs. Her pants still didn't fit correctly, and her long wave, dirty blond hair, still needed a brush.

Daniel only came in the Winn-Dixie for one bottle of pop, but after five more minutes, he was still walking around the store, making sure he passed isles that contained the object of his curiosity. "How old was she? Her ass said, fifteen, but her face looked not so old. But who lets their kid get a tattoo, even at fifteen?"

Daniel couldn't get her eyes out of his brain, nor could he shake the funny feeling she gave him. What was it, he wondered?

The scruffy girl consumed Daniel's mind as he wandered down the isles. The girl was probably very pretty, but because of the way she was kept, she ended up just looking sexy, but in a trampy way. Especially, with a tattoo on her shoulder, and her back exposed as she leaned on the shopping cart, with her pants three inches too big on her waist.

Daniel noticed the girl separating from her clan, sent on a "go get that," trip. As she traveled at one end of the store, Daniel traveled at the other, checking down each row, waiting for an opportunity for another, chance encounter. He would never talk to her, but she had to be investigated further, if for nothing else, to see if he could understand the feeling she gave him, inside.

Cautiously, he entered the last place she could have gone, the end of the line, the dairy section. A tremendous fear erupted in Daniel's heart as he spotted her down by the butter. He stopped six feet behind her, watching her, as she searched for something. Up and down, side to side, the girl looked, as Daniel quickly closed the gap between them. She had noway of knowing he was behind her, he had approached in ninja mode. She leaned over for something in the back row, as he arrived, just six inches behind her. Her ass protruding, and her shirt traveled up her back, exposing her white skin, while Daniel breathed softly behind her.

When she stood back up, Daniel towered over her ninety pound frame, by at least eighteen inches. He looked down her back, as her loose pants shifted back and away from her skinny waist. Daniel could look straight down the space between her belt loops and her flesh. If there had been a light at the other end, he could have seen all the way to the floor. "Well, mom, I guess that would be worse than wearing dirty underwear?" Daniel's breathing stopped at the sight of her ass crack, the first female flesh he had ever seen, below the waist and above the thigh.

The familiar stranger suddenly stepped back, onto Daniel's foot, then fell against him. He was so close, the fall wasn't really a fall, there just wasn't anywhere else for her to go, except up against her stalker. She squealed, half a scream, as Daniel's strong arms steadied her, but then she stopped as her head turned far enough to make eye contact with Daniel. Once her eyes found his friendly eyes, she remembered him from before, but still separated herself from him, in startled embarrassment.

As soon as the distance between them was adequate, Daniel's eyes were drawn to her chest. The cold, or the fright, or a combination of both, had caused this girl's one inch high lumps, to be crowned with what could only be described as, the end of a Crayola crayon. Clearly, this girl should have been in some kind of a bra, if for nothing else, to keep old men from getting a hardon, every time a breeze blew. As it was, the thin material of her worn out shirt, stretched tight, held nothing back, not even the clear outline of her dark red nipples.

Daniel would have been overwhelmed with anxiety, just from the contact with the opposite sex, but those glorious blue eyes, lightly freckled face, and taunting nipples, after having just seen the bare flesh of her ass, left him, speechless and breathless.

Without any modest concerns for the state of her tits, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you OK?" The voice of an angel seemed to reach a breathless Daniel's ears. Still not having taken in any air since their eyes met, Daniel gasped and answered, "I, I'm, I, I'm sorry, I."

With the same soft, melodious voice, she interrupted Daniel's broken stutter, "I'm Jessy Jay, I'm sorry I screamed, I didn't know you were behind me. What's your name?"

Daniel still frozen in place, finally broke his silence, "I'm Daniel. It was my fault, I should have been paying attention."

With a shy giggle, Jessy Jay said, "You mean you weren't paying attention, to me?"

Daniel knew he was paying attention to this strangely attractive girl, but it was her ass he had been focused on, not where he was standing. He looked her up and down, she was a rare treasure, like a scruffy stray dog found on the street. Even though its hair is a wreck, and it's covered with dirt, you can't look away from its cute face. Then after you take it to the groomer, you realize you have a beautiful pet.

"Actually, I thought I knew you, but then when you turned around, I realized I was wrong, I was embarrassed." Daniel's words were a lie, but it helped him clear the air and get refocused.

Daniel was ready to excuse himself, because he knew his penis was growing by the second. Luckily, he had on jeans, but still it would become obvious at some point. Daniel had never had an opportunity to see other boys in school, and sex education wasn't really part of his mother curriculum, so he had no idea that what was brewing in his pants, far exceeded norm, for his age. What he did know, was it had become uncomfortable. He knew he was going to have to stop on his way home and masturbate. That was something that had been happing a lot during the last year. Often, while riding his bike, or four wheeler, he would have to duck off someplace and get himself off. The problem had increased with this warm weather they were having recently.

Daniel imagined right where he would stop on the four wheeler trail on his way home, but his thoughts were interrupted by Jessy Jay's sweet voice. "Do you have a motor bike, or a four wheeler?"

"A four wheeler, how did you know, why did you ask?" Daniel asked, amazed that this question would come up, at the same he was imagining his ride home, and what he was going to do on the way.

The easily excited girl didn't answer before blurting out, "I love riding on four wheelers, can you give me a ride? Yeah, that would be so much fun, can you ride me home?"

Without even considering anything, Daniel's mouth spoke, and agreed. Jessy Jay danced off with a tub of margarine, yelling back for Daniel to meet her out front, she would go tell her mother.

Daniel sat in front of the Winn-Dixie drinking down his pop, wondering how disappointed he was going to be when his new friend came out and told him her mother wasn't going to let her ride home with a stranger on a four wheeler. He resolved that it would be alright, because he didn't have any idea where he might have to ride her, plus he had a need that had to be met soon. As a matter of fact, as Daniel nervously thought the whole course of events over, he realized he was well overdue.

Even though he had resolved not to be disappointed, the sight of Jessy Jay's chest trophies leading the way out of the automatic doors, made his hopes soar. He even thought for a second about saying a prayer, but immediately questioned the appropriateness of that. He watched the ruff looking group cross over towards the parked cars. Halfway to the first parking spot, Jessy Jay pointed over towards Daniel and then changed directions, heading towards him.

Daniel's heart wanted to soar, but he kept it in check, because in all likelihood, she was just going to tell him her mother told her noway. He watched the young girl walking towards him, trying to read her expression, while also watching the large lady loading more beer than groceries into the rusted multi-colored, Chevy, Astro van.

"Are you ready to go, can I have a sip of that?" Jessy Jay had a hard time limiting her brain and mouth interaction to one question at a time.

Daniel's erection started bothering him again as this girl, he knew nothing about, placed her lips on the opening of his pop bottle. It was the first time he noticed that her lips were so full, and flush with red color. They took the top of the bottle into their grasp in a special way, one that Daniel had never seen, or may be noticed before.

As the Astro van puffed smoke and drove off, he knew this was really going to happen, Daniel Morris was going to ride a girl on his four wheeler. But where, he still didn't know.

As Jessy Jay leaned into the Honda, Daniel wondered what was holder her pants on. They sagged out in front this time, and he was sure if had stared hard, he would have seen down to where her missing underwear should be.

Daniel's nerves went on edge at the thought of where he was taking this girl. It was just two short miles, but in the wrong direction. Not only was it down the rail road tracks, in the wrong direction, it was on the wrong side of the tracks. "That's why you don't want to go to that high school, Daniel. Those are the kind of people who go there." Those were the words his mother had spoken as she pointed to the neighborhood they were passing, the very same neighbor he was about to take Jessy Jay to.

Daniel still wanted to go to that High School, but he didn't argue with his mother. The truth was, he like most people, and rarely judged anyone based on where they lived, or what they looked like. That was obvious by looking at his new friend.

Jessy Jay flipped her leg over the seat, and wrapped her arms around Daniel's waist like someone who was used to having something between her legs. Before the two of them were fifty feet down the trail beside the rail road tracks, Jessy Jay was encouraging her captain to increase their speed. "I'm not afraid, go faster, it's fun!" She spoke into Daniel's ear.

Daniel's balls started to tingle from the engine's vibration, and his cock swelled from the excitement of a girl's arms around him, her legs spread behind him, and her body pressed against his. The faster they went, the closer he got to losing control. He had often been horny enough to have an orgasm just from finding the right RPM, and holding it there, while getting his balls, just so, against the seat, but he didn't want that now. He didn't want to get to Jessy Jay's house and have a big wet spot on the front of his pants.

A large bump caused Jessy Jay's hand to fall and strike Daniel's erection, which was standing straight up, trying to get out the top of his pants. Daniel's mind remembered the exact place of impact, and his brain was telling him over and over how a hand, other than his, had touched him.

Daniel's passenger had her fingers intertwined, locking her hands together, just above the top of his pants, too close to his cock, but too far at the same time. He needed her to either take hold of his throbbing dick and send him over the edge, or move her hands far away. He shifted, and lifted up just far enough to move his cock under her hands. This time, Jessy Jay left her locked hands on Daniel's lap, clasped around where his rock hard pole was. Daniel used the ruff terrain as an excuse to ride his boner up and down against her hands.

Jessy Jay knew exactly what was going on, because she was no stranger to having a cock in her hands. For the last two years, the asshole her mother called her boyfriend, had been using JJ, as he called her, to help him get off, whenever her mother was passed out.

As her hand entered the top of Daniel's pants to find his needy cock, she smiled, knowing for once, it was her choice, she wanted to touch him, instead of waking up to that drunk shit head forcing his tiny prick into her mouth. His fat, smelly belly hanging over on her face, she hated him.

There was just enough room for her tiny hand to slide down the front of Daniel's jeans, and as soon as it slipped below the belt line, it encountered the soft skin of his cock head. Before she could even force her hand over the head, to grasp the shaft, she felt his hot fluid shooting from the tip.

The four wheeler came to a sudden stop, forcing Jessy Jay against Daniel's back as he pushed back hard into her body. Leaning back on her, he jerked his hips forward and upward, forcing two more streams of hot fluid onto her hand.

Daniel was so inexperienced that he didn't even realize he might have been embarrassed by his premature ejaculation. He actually couldn't even understand what had just happened, or what he should do now.

The girl's lips tasting his sweaty neck and licking the bottom of his ear, sent tremors through Daniel's whole body. He had never even held hands with a girl, now all of a sudden he was expected to know what to do next, after having had a girl touch his cock. He turned his head left, spotted the lips that had seduced the pop bottle, and without anyone explaining what to do, his lips tasted hers. His tongue instinctively pierced her lips, finding her tongue eager to welcome his. The two strangers embraced in a kiss that sent shock waves through both their bodies, finally finding a home in their hearts.

The little girl who found no love at home, and had never had anyone kiss her tenderly, wrapped her arms around Daniel, and hugged him as hard as she could. She was sure she had found love, and she was going to make sure, she kept it.

Daniel stood motionless behind his four wheeler, looking down into the eyes of a girl, he knew nothing about. He didn't even know if Jay was her middle name, or her last name, yet he was sure they were going to do things together that he was never supposed to do until he was married. He didn't understand how he could know that, but he knew.

Hugging her, he looked down over her shoulder, and he could see down the back of her pants, her white flesh seemed to shine inside her pants. His hand lowered down her back and found rest inside the top edge of her loose pants, just above the curve that identified the start her ass. It seemed to him that his hand would burst into flames just from its position in a girl's pants. Daniel's hormones exploded, he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't make his hand stop, it went two more inches. His heart pounded, he knew he was touching a naked ass, but what next?

Daniel thought he had offended Jessy Jay as she stepped back, so he yanked his hand from her pants. She smiled at him as she rose to her tippy toes, searching for his lips. He leaned over and met her lips, her mouth opened and instinctively the two mouths knew how to make passion, burning passion. Their young lust pulsated through every fiber of their bodies.

Jessy Jay guided Daniel's hand down the front of her loose pants, hoping he knew what to do next. She knew how to be used by a disgusting man, but she didn't know how to seduce a teenage boy. Her heart pounded and her nerves sizzled as Daniel's large strong hand slid down her tummy, past her mound and found a home between her legs. Without the girl having to tell her legs to move, they spread apart to give free reign to Daniel's hand.

Although, he had heard about first base, second base, third base and of course a home run, Daniel always imagined he would have more time to find out exactly what to do. Now all of a sudden he was standing in the woods with his hand inside a girl's pants, touching something he had never seen. "What is this I'm touching?" He questioned, as his large finger found its way between Jessy Jay's pussy lips, and it moved around in the wet flesh. Then it turned north, "it's so tight, I wonder if that's the wrong hole?" Daniel knew the girl he was kissing responded to his finger's probing with a gasp, and then a more excited kiss, so he assumed he was doing what he needed to do.

Jessy Jay's burning insides grew impatient with her inexperienced lover's hand, as she rocked her hips trying to find a release for her lust. She knew she needed to push things along, being she didn't have too much time, so she reluctantly separate her inflamed clitoris from Daniel's bumbling fingers. She stepped back just far enough to reach for Daniel's button on his jeans. She looked into the piercing eyes of her terrified lover, as she unfastened his jeans.

After she lowered his pants past his hips, she reached for the top edge of his white Fruit of the Loops. Daniel had no way to process these events anymore, so his mind shut down, he was along for the ride, his lust driving him on. Tiny fingers gripped the waist band of his underwear, he watched Jessy Jay's face with anticipation of her discovery.

His dick head caught in the elastic as she pulled downward, it bent, the elastic stretched, then finally his cock sprang forth. Jessy Jay stared in shock at the sight of Daniel's dick bouncing before her face. "Holy shit, why is it so big?" She thought, but not wanting to give Daniel knowledge of her limited experience, she kept silent. She had seen her little brother, and two of her mother's boyfriends had molested her, but theirs were tiny in comparison to what she was looking at. "Maybe because of their big beer bellies, it made theirs look small?" She wondered, but was pretty sure she was wrong, as her tiny mouth approached the plum sized cock head in front of her face.

With great anticipation, excitement and fear, her lips made contact with Daniel's flesh. For the first time, this young girl felt a wave of pleasure between her legs, as her mouth tasted the flesh of the opposite sex. Joy filled her heart as Daniel sounded a wonderful and appreciative groan. Jessy Jay hated all the pigs that had ever shoved their things in her mouth, and hated the smell and taste, but as she allowed Daniel's large bulbous dick top to squeeze between her lips, and fill her mouth, she couldn't help smiling a big, satisfied smile.

Daniel looked into those tremendous, blue eyes in amazement, as they looked up at him, their owner's lips around his penis, and smiling like a cat with a canary. He wanted to fully enjoy the pleasing sensation on his dick, but he was overwhelmed with what was happening. A little while ago he was getting a pop, and had never kissed a girl, now he was on a trail, with his dick in a girls' mouth. He didn't even know her, but he wanted everything she had to offer. He was scared to death, not knowing anything about what might happen, or what to do next, but he was going to allow Jessy Jay to lead the way, he figured she knew what to do.

Jessy Jay knew what it was like to have a dick shoved in her mouth, have her mouth used for someone else's pleasure, and what would be squirted in her mouth, and she would be made to swallow. But, she didn't really know anything about give a blow job. However, she determined to apply everything she was forced to learn about sucking a guy's dick, and use it to make the owner of this cock, remember this blow job for as long as he lived. She wanted it to last, and be the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him. She willed her gag reflexes to shut off, she forced the over sized meat into her throat, sucking hard while her tongue twirled all around Daniel's musty cock. Even though, she couldn't take much of him inside her mouth, she treated what she could, to the most energetic sucking and licking possible. The glorious sounds of her mouth making love to Daniel's dick could be heard a great distance away.

Daniel clung to the back of his four wheelers with a grip that could have bent steel, as his sperm filled Jessy Jay's mouth. He didn't even know what was happening, he just suddenly realized his balls were pumping their juice out of his dick, and into the swallowing mouth of a mysterious girl, on her knees in front of him. His semen left two trails down her shirt, and over her lumpy chest, after it had spilled from each corner of her stretched mouth. Daniel's legs felt weak as her mouth continued sucking his sensitive flesh, as the last of his orgasm trickled into her mouth.

Daniel lifted the strange beauty to her feet, and leaned his head to meet her lips. Their passion burning now like a wild fire, consumed everything in its path, especially any sense of self-control that might have been, before. Lips and tongues forced together, devouring each other with lust only found in youthful romance. Without breaking their kiss, Daniel's untrained hand found Jessy Jay's swollen breast and instinctively worked it between his fingers. The long hard point on the top, seemed like it could tear through the material as his hand pressed hard against it.

Jessy Jay found Daniel's stiff cock between them, with her childlike hand, sending an electric shock through him and sending a moan of pleasure from his mouth, into her mouth, as their tongues fondled each other.

A flame like she had never felt before burned between Jessy Jay's legs as her hand gripped Daniel's dick. Her young body needed to be satisfied, she needed someone to make love to her. She needed Daniel's cock inside her, she needed someone to make her feel good, and feel loved, not used and fucked to satisfy someone else's need. "I want to do it, Daniel, will you do it with me?" Jessy Jay spoke those words into Daniel's open mouth.

After a quick survey of their surroundings, Daniel switched places with Jessy Jay. She pushed her pants down without even unbuttoning them. Daniel's eyes followed the top edge of her pants, past her belly button, over her hips, and past the snow white sin, above the crease in her flesh, that divided her body down the middle. He stared in amazement at the beauty of it, as his heart raced like he had never felt it before. He didn't move, he didn't speak, he didn't even breath, he just looked, knowing he was now seeing a naked girl, a wonderfully naked girl.

"Is it OK? Is something wrong?" Jessy Jay, spoke those words with all the appropriateness that would be expected from a self-conscious, twelve year old girl. She assumed Daniel's frozen stance and wide open mouth, was a reaction to her hairless, preteen body. It was, but she had assumed the worst.

"It's, um, I, I think." Daniel gave up trying to speak, and let his body answer her question. He took her in his arms, pulled her against his body and kissed her. His cock pressed firmly against her belly as he finally spoke. "You're beautiful, so beautiful!"

Daniel assumed Jessy Jay to be an experienced lover, and Jessy Jay assumed the same about Daniel, so neither led the way, they just did what came natural. Daniel lifted Jessy Jay out of her flip-flops and pants, which had gathered around her ankles, and placed her ass on the back edge of the four wheelers' seat. Her dirty feet hanging a foot off the ground, her legs slightly parted.

Her eyes drew Daniel in as he stepped between her opening legs, with his pants still shackling his feet together. This was no time to consider anything, both were terrified that somehow what they both wanted to happen, would stop, if they even paused for a second. Jessy Jay leaned back, supporting herself on her left arm, while opening her legs and drawing them up slightly. Her bald, immature vagina glistened for the first time in anticipation of someone making love to her. Her eyes and her heart beckoned Daniel's cock to her body, while her mind screamed for her to consider the size of his dick and the pain it would cause.

Daniel, at this point can only assume this is the way this thing is supposed to go, and his new friend has plenty of experience at this sex thing. He only knows there is a hole between her legs, and the thing between his legs, goes in it. He's so naive, he doesn't even realize the implications of Jessy Jay's baldness. He only knows he has a need, and he knows he's going to meet it, nothing else matter as he fumbles with his throbbing penis, trying to get it where it belongs.

With a slight grunt, at the realization that Daniel is trying to enter the wrong hole, Jessy Jay reaches between her legs. Her hand and Daniel's hand both holding his long shaft, they guide it up and down between her lips. Together, they both help his tool find the perfect entering point. His massive dick head completely covers her tiny entrance. Somehow, that spot on her body sends a silent message to Daniel's body, telling him to push.

Daniel's cock pushed inside enough to surround the top half of its head with warm, wet flesh. He pushed harder as he watched Jessy Jay's face say stop, with a grimace, but her eyes say more, give me more. Daniel believed her eyes, and shoved even harder, only to be greeted by a scream. "Oh, ouch."

Fearful he had done something wrong, Daniel froze. Jessy Jay sat up more and locked her hand together, behind Daniel's neck. She leaned in, close to his ear. "Please don't stop, just go slow."

Jessy Jay opened her legs wider to help accommodate the largest thing that had ever been inside her tiny body. Daniel's hips jerk forward, now all of the purple head has been hidden between Jessy Jay's puffy lips. She felt her hole stretching, sending silent screams to her brain, but she wouldn't allow them to travel to her mouth, she bit her bottom lips instead.

For Daniel, it was like going into the cold water really slow, he hated that, he wanted to end the torment, and plunge inside. He jerked forward once again, his cock rejoiced at the waves of pleasure shooting through it, causing an involuntary secondary jerk, that sent several inches inside Jessy Jay's tight hole. Daniel groaned with delight at the most powerful sensation known to man, his oneness with the body of a female. He couldn't even tell where his dick started or ended, he just felt a wonderful warmth sizzling through every nerve from his belly button down to his thighs.

Jessy Jay saw stars as Daniel's fat cock head pierced her cherry, she screamed without a sound, holding Daniel's body in place with her legs. Jessy Jay had been so devastated while that dick head raped her, that she hadn't realize that he never fully entered her, not wanting there to be proof. She now knew the sharp shooting pain of losing her virginity.

As soon as her legs eased their tension, Daniel's hips continued forward, and didn't stop until he couldn't see anymore of his cock. He looked down between them, seeing nothing but their bodies seared together, his pubic hair pressed against where hers would be. He felt like he had never felt before, he felt pleasure, joy, lust and passion that he would never be able to explain. It felt so good, he was afraid to move, but his dick demanded it. He slowly pulled back, watching as his wet flesh magically appeared from its hiding spot. Suddenly, blood covered his shaft, and he panicked. "I hurt her, I made her bleed. Hymen, blood, virginity." His mother's words rushed his mind, as he realized he had just taken this girl's virginity! She was a virgin too.

"Keep going, it's OK, it feels good, go ahead." Jessy Jay's words were all he needed to send his cock back inside the most wonderful place on this planet. Daniel's ability to control his body was stripped from him, by the flesh walls that gripped his cock as it moved through Jessy Jay's body. Slowly at first he moved in and out, wanting the feeling to last forever. His speed increased regardless of his desire to make it last. His body was doing what it wanted to do, and he had no control over it.

The first pain of having her outer hole stretched was uncomfortable, and the pain of having her deep insides opened up was also uncomfortable, but the sharp pain of having her hymen destroyed had washed all other pain away, and nothing was left for Jessy Jay, except the wonderful joy of having hot flesh coursing through her vaginal tube. "Someone is making love to me, someone cares about me." Her heart sang as her orgasm built inside her belly. She felt so complete, so whole as Daniel's cock filled her body, driving her closer and closer to the brink of ecstasy.

Daniel's body rocked at light speed, while he fought with it, trying to make it slow down, so it would last, but he was losing the fight. The pleasure was so intense, that he had to keep fucking, even though, he knew it was surely going to result in, an orgasm, and then it would be over. He was going to have to pull out, and cum outside, or else!

Jessy Jay's face shined like the sun as her second orgasm sweep through her body. Daniel's dick head plunging inside her body. She felt so good inside, she never wanted to let him take his cock out, she wanted to keep it inside her, forever. At that moment, she knew she was going to let him cum inside her, even though she started her period two months ago. "Don't let anybody cum inside you, or you'll end up like me." The only words her mother ever spoke to her on the subject matter, floated through her mind, but she forced them out. "I don't care if I get pregnant, then I'll have his baby in me. I'll always have someone who loves me."

Daniel's frantic jerking was a clear sign he was about to get off. "I'll pull out at the last second, it feels too good to stop, but I have to." Right as Daniel was about to pull out, Jessy Jay wrapped her arms and legs around Daniel, pulling herself off the seat, and locking their bodies together. Daniel's cock was forced as far inside her as it would go. Jessy Jay hung from his neck, impaled on his gigantic cock as it filled her with baby fluid. She kissed his neck as his hot juice soothed over her deepest inner being.

Daniel's hands gripped her ass, while he pumped his cum inside her, kissing her neck. He couldn't even think about what was happening, he was too busy enjoying the wonderful pleasure only experienced when your cock orgasms inside a tight hole. It was so different than when he shot into the air, it was glorious and worth anything, at that moment.

Jessy Jay pulled her head back to look into Daniel's eyes. "I love you!" They kissed lovingly, still connected as one body. His dick cut into her flesh, her flesh holding him tight, sealed by her blood. No matter what happen between Daniel and Jessy Jay, neither will ever forget this day, as long as they live.

Anonymous readerReport

2009-11-06 19:53:14
to the readers requesting part two: there is one, retards

2009-10-17 10:06:48
Hey, you brainless idiots. Obviously, most of you have the IQ of a brick and no balls. Otherwise you would be reading and writing about sex with adults instead of children. I also notice that readers and writers don't show any contact ID. What are you afraid of?

Anonymous readerReport

2009-07-29 02:03:52
Excellent, amazing, soooo freakin true and real and loving, during the whole story i kept saying to myself "Oh boy... Somethings gonna happen". I LOVED IT!!!!!!!

Anonymous readerReport

2009-07-28 20:04:16

2009-07-25 14:31:03
Great story. can't wait the 2nd part

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Day 2 of the visitors, female/female/female, beastly
The Visitors 2

If you haven’t read The Visitors please read that one first.

My balls still hurt from the fucking Ashley & Amber gave me earlier that day. The girls wanted to fuck more that night (Oh how remember when I was in my early twenties). I or I should say we decided to order Chinese food & have it delivered. The girls knew a good Chinese food restaurant that delivered so they called an ordered the food.

We watched the video of day 1, they climbing over the fence & playing in the pool naked. Then we watched day 2; once again over the fence they went, off with the bikinis. Then they swam for a while & out of the pool, laid naked in the sun & started fucking each other. Then the scene of them fucking me, they both laughed at the way they had tied me up & the vibrator up my ass. We all were amazed about how much seamen I had filled their pusses with during the time they had me tied up, not once did any of us think about birth control (Oh well much to late now).

The doorbell rang & it was time to eat, the girls answered the door naked (like we agreed earlier). To my surprise a very cute Chinese girl delivered the food (I thought it would be a young man). Ashley & Amber knew the girl they called her by her name Kim. Kim was in her early twenties also, a little smaller then Ashley & Amber but just as cute with a great body from what I could tell.

Kim brought the food in & put it on the table. The girls talked amongst themselves for a few minutes. Then Kim called the restaurant & told them her car broke down. That it would be an hour before she returned. After Kim made her call & put the food on the table, Ashley started kissing Kim while Amber walked behind her. Amber hands were all over Kim’s body, rubbing her ass, pulling her top up & playing with her tits. Ashley was kissing Kim & working down her neck and then Ashley started sucking Kim’s tits. Amber pulled Kim’s pants & panties off and then she stuck a finger in Kim’s pussy. As Amber was finger-fucking Kim. Ashley pulled Kim’s top & bra off, now all three of them were naked (what a sight, even though my balls still hurt I started to get hard).

All three of the girls went into the living room, laid on the floor. Amber started finger-fucking Kim once again but this time much faster & using three fingers. Ashley continued working on Kim’s nipples (Kim’s nipples got extremely hard & large). Kim started to shake all over as Amber fucked her faster & faster. Kim let out a low moan as her first orgasm rolled over her. Amber & Ashley continued fucking Kim, over & over Kim had one orgasm after another. Kim was asking the girls to stop but they continued working on Kim’s body non-stop. All of a sudden Kim’s body went limp, she had passed out from the non-stop fucking she had just got.

A couple of minutes latter Kim was awake. Now Kim & Amber went to work on Ashley’s body, Amber got up & grabbed the vibrator. Amber started licking Ashley’s pussy until it got nice & wet. With one quick push Amber buried the vibrator in Ashley’s pussy, turned it on high. Kim started laughing & said now it’s your turn. Kim started kissing Ashley’s lips, then down to her neck, then down to her nipples. Kim was sucking on Ashley’s nipples like she was getting breast-feed. Kim went from one nipple to the other sucking & biting. Amber was working the vibrator in & out of Ashley’s pussy faster & faster.

Ashley was getting read for her first orgasm, she was breathing harder & harder. As Ashley was on the edge of going over the top, Amber reached up & grabbed some ice cubes from the table. Kim rolled Ashley on her side & continued to work on Ashley’s tits. Amber toke the ice cube & shoved one in at a time in Ashley’s ass, Amber continued to push one ice cube after the other. You could see the ice cube being pushed in & then Amber pushed it even further with her finger. I counted 10 ice cubes worked in her ass hole. Amber pushed her fingers in Ashley’s ass hole to hold the ice cubes in place. Amber continued to work the vibrator in & out of Ashley’s pussy, the orgasm’s started non-stop. Ashley was breathing harder & faster, her eyes rolled back into her head as she passed out. Ashley just laid there for about 5 minutes as each ice cube was pushed out of her ass hole.

Now it was Amber’s turn, Ashley grabbed some rope & tied a piece to her wrists and feet. They had Amber stand up while Ashley tied her hands above her to the chandler in the living room. Kim tied her legs wide open by wrapping the rope around the table legs. Amber was hanging from the chandler (I’m happy she was not a big girl, I could just picture the chandler being pulled from the ceiling).

Amber was now spread eagle in the living room. Kim got up grabbed the sweet & sour sauce from the Chinese food dinner. Worked it into Amber’s pussy & rubbed it all over her tits. Ashley laughed & said when we are done you wont be able to walk. Kim asked me to come over; Kim rubbed some sauce on my cock. Then she asked me to stick my cock up Amber’s ass & of course I didn’t mind. With one hard shove I drive my cock as far up her ass as I could get it, my balls her still very sore from the work out the girls gave me earlier.

Kim went & got my dog Bruno (he is a Great Dane, stands about 6 feet tall when he is standing on his back legs. Has a 14-inch cock & balls the size of softballs). Bruno was more the happy to start licking the sauce from Amber’s tits, biting a little while he was cleaning her up. I continued working my cock in & out of Amber’s well lubed ass hole. Bruno was now working on Amber’s pussy, sticking his tongue deep in side of her pussy getting ever drop out.

Kim worked more sauce on Amber’s clit as Bruno licked & bit at her clit. Amber was now starting to moan; Ashley got Bruno up on his hind legs line him up & guided his 14-inch hard cock in Amber’s pussy. I continued to fuck Amber in the ass as Bruno did his best to fuck Amber. But it just wasn’t working very well. My balls were so sore I couldn’t come in her ass hole.

So the girls untied Amber but keep the rope on her hands & feet. They tied her hands to the table; put a foot stole under Amber stomach. Pulled her legs a part with the ropes & let Bruno go to work on her pussy. It didn’t take long before Bruno found his spot & buried his 14-inch cock deep in her pussy with one quick jab. Amber was now starting to cry as Bruno fucked her, Amber keep asking for the girls to stop Bruno. But the girls just laughed at her, I could see Bruno’s knot start to forum. Bruno continued the attack on her pussy he was pounding her pussy trying to get in deeper. I could see Amber’s pussy start to drip her own pussy juice’s helping lube her abused pussy. Amber started to have her first orgasm at the same time Ashley let got of the rope & moved under her hanging tits. There was no need to hold the rope any more Amber couldn’t move & didn’t want to.

Ashley’s started sucking on Amber’s tits as Bruno’s knot was now hitting Amber’s pussy lips. Faster & faster Bruno worked his cock in & out of Amber’s pussy I could see the knot pop in then out over & over again. Amber was just laying their as Bruno & Ashley worked on her body. I could see her eyes were closed & breathing very hard, orgasm after orgasm rolled through her body. Then I heard a loud moan come from her lips as Bruno had buried his knot in side of her dripping pussy. Now they were locked together & Bruno started to unload his seamen deep in her pussy.

After what seamed like 15 minutes Bruno’s knot popped out. Bruno licked Amber’s pussy clean & to my surprise Amber just laid on the foot stool without moving as Bruno’s dog come keep dripping from her pussy. Amber’s head was just hanging down & lightly breathing, she had passed out also. Amber woke up & the girls untied her hand & feet. They helped Amber to her feet, she could barley walk & they helped her o a chair.
Kim & Ashley was correct Amber could barley move; out of breath her nipples had small bite marks on them.

Please check back for part 3
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text:
A nice housewife becomes attracted to her thug of a neighbour
As I was hanging out my washing, Mary, my elderly neighbour called me over.

“I don’t really know how to tell you this, but my son is coming to stay with us, on Wednesday.” she muttered.

“That’ll be nice for you. I didn’t know that you had a son,” I replied, somewhat in shock.

We’d lived next to Mary and Ron for over two years and they’d never mentioned a son.

“He’s been away,” she continued, “in jail.” The last two words were whispered.

“Oh!” I put my hand over my mouth, “You never said.”

“Well, we were embarrassed, and we didn’t think that he would want to come home, but his parole officer has insisted. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” Mary was crying now.

Over a cup of coffee, Mary explained that Tony had got in a fight with his girlfriends’ ex and stabbed him. A condition of his early release was that he had to live at home for six months.

My husband was just as shocked, as I was, when I told him the news. We agreed that there was nothing that we could do, but to be civil to him, for Mary and Ron's sake, and we’d try to keep our young sons away from him.

On the Wednesday evening I watched Mary and Ron arrive home from prison with their son.

He was a ‘man-mountain’! Over six feet tall and he’d obviously spent all of his free time in the gym.

We didn’t see or hear anything from our neighbours over the next few days. Then on the Saturday, when I was hanging out yet more washing, I could hear clanging noises from Ron’s garage. I looked up to see Tony setting up some gym equipment through the open door. When he spotted me, he waved. I smiled and nervously waved back.

Over the next few days I would hear or see him working out whenever I was in my garden or kitchen, when he spotted me he would always wave and flash a very cheeky smile.

On the Wednesday, when I was hanging out the washing (again!), I heard Tony grunting as he lifted his heavy weights.

I looked over to see him lifting some weights above his head, only wearing a pair of tiny shorts. I’d never seen a man that looked so fit. His whole body was full of rippling muscles. He looked like someone off Baywatch, but with cheap tattoos on his arms.

I must have been staring at him for a couple of minutes, because I was startled when he dropped the weights, grinned and went into one of those poses that makes a bodybuilders’ body look like it’s going to explode.

Embarrassed I ran into the house.

The following day I was late for work, and as I ran down the garden path I dropped my keys.

As I bent over to pick them up I heard a car horn ‘toot’. I looked up to see Tony sitting in the drivers seat of a smart BMW.

“Do you need a lift?” he asked.

Flustered, I looked at my watch. A lift would be great – but from him?

“Hmmm,” I mumbled, as I looked at my watch again.

He flashed his shiny smile, “Come on, get in. I won’t bite!” he laughed as he opened the door, “Well, maybe a little nibble!” he said with a cheeky wink.

I got in, and as I turned to pull on the seat belt, I was conscious that my short skirt had risen up my thigh.

“Hey! Hey!” he laughed as he squeezed my thigh; “You really do know how to make a man feel welcome!”

“Stop that!” I shouted as I slapped his hand, “Let me out!”

Still laughing he accelerated the car out of the street.

Each time he changed gear he deliberately stroked my leg.

Terrified, I tried to move to the edge of the seat, but he grabbed my thigh and pulled me back.

“Ha, ha, ha. You’re not frightened of little old me, are you?” He cackled.

“Sort of.” I mumbled.

“I don’t think so.” Tony said, “I’ve seen you watching me. Miss Goody Fucking Two Shoes! You like what you see, don’t you?”

I stared out of the window, trying to ignore him.

“That husband of yours is a bit boring, isn’t he?” he continued, “it’s no wonder that you’ve been flashing your little knickers for me.”

“I have not!” I retorted, as we stopped at some traffic lights.

“Yes you have. Every time you bend over, you flash your pants. You know you do! And don’t get me started about what you put on your washing line.” He laughed, as he began stroking the outside of my thigh, “My favourites are the pink ones. Have you got them on now?” He asked as he lifted up the front of my skirt and turned his head to look at the crotch of my knickers.

I was so frightened I felt unable to stop him.

“ Black and see through! I can’t see much bush either. You are a little minx, aren’t you!” He whispered into my ear, as I straightened my skirt, “Miss Goody Fucking Two Shoes? I don’t think so!”

“Why are you calling me that?” I asked, with tears in my eyes.

“My Mam has told me all about you and your ‘perfect’ husband- Mr. Boring, and your ‘perfect kids, and you – Miss Fucking Perfect!”

“This is where I need to get out?” I whispered as he pulled up outside of the office where I work.

“I know.” He winked as he leant over me, touching my breasts, as he opened my door.

As I moved to get out, he grabbed my leg, “Don’t I get a little kiss?” he asked as he stroked my thigh again.

“Piss off!” I hissed, as I slammed the door and ran across the pavement.

Once inside I locked myself in the toilet. I was trembling with fear. I couldn’t believe what that man had just done to me and I’d done nothing to stop him.

I couldn’t concentrate, all day. My head was in a spin. Was he right about me flashing my panties at him? I love wearing hipster jeans and that is one of the consequences, but I’d not do it on purpose – would I? Also, I’d honestly, never thought about hanging my underwear on the line in the garden. After all who would see them apart from Mary and my husband.

Of course things were different now, because I had a red blooded, ex-convict living next door, who hadn’t seen a woman for two whole years.

The following morning, at the same time, Tony was waiting for me at the bottom of our street.

His car door swung open, “Get in.” he ordered.

I looked around, to see if anyone that I knew was watching. There wasn’t, so I slid into the passenger seat. Without saying a word, he sped off.

“Enjoy the ride yesterday?” he laughed.

“Not really.” I grumbled, as I tried to squeeze my legs together.

Stupidly (?) I’d worn the same skirt as yesterday, so when I turned to grab the seat belt my skirt rose up my calf.

“ I think that you’re telling a little white lie.” Tony told me as he stroked my leg with one of his fingers.

“Just drive.” I instructed, as I folded my arms across my chest.

Laughing at me, he said, “I bet you’re wearing those little pink pants today. Can I have a look?”

“No.” I told him gruffly.

“No – you’re not wearing pink? No – I can’t look? Or no – you’re not wearing any?” he asked as his hand touched my knee when he changed gear, making me flinch.

“NO – you can’t look.” I told him.

“Ha ha! So how will I know if you’re wearing pink or none at all?” he chuckled as he took hold of the hem of my skirt.

As we stopped for traffic lights I grabbed his wrist. “They’re pink. Happy now?”

With that our eyes met, and we both burst out laughing.

“You knew that I’d be waiting for you, didn’t you?” he asked and I smiled in the affirmative, “and you wore them especially for me?” I shook my head in the negative, but my smile gave me away. “Sweet.” He said as he shook my hand away and lifted my skirt up so he could see my knickers. I slightly spread my legs so that he could get a better look.

When the lights changed he slid his hand up my skirt. I let out a small sigh when his fingers touched my pussy. It was already wet – very wet.

“Does that feel good?” he asked as he pressed the thin material against my dampening crease.

I could only nod, as he was now tickling my swollen clit, making me bite my lip to stop myself cumming in the front of his car.

He had to take his hand away to change gear as we pulled up outside of my office, leaving me a little bit frustrated, as I was so close to an orgasm.

Again he leant across my chest to open my door, gently touching my swelling breasts.

“Same time tomorrow?” He asked.

“I don’t work weekends.” I told him as I smugly raised my eyebrows.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I suppose that I’ll just see you in the garden then.”

“You never know!” I replied as I walked away, noticeably swinging my hips.

I don’t know what happened to me in that 24 hours, but all I could think about was sex. Dirty sex. Very dirty sex.

The rest of the day went in a flash. I was in a constant state of arousal. Even my bra couldn’t hide my nipples poking through my sweater. And my knickers ‘swished’ when I walked because they were so wet. I couldn’t believe what I had let him do to me, even if I had worn my tiny pink g-string just in case the previous morning’s events were repeated (lol!).

Here I was, a 25 year old happily married mother of two, having sexy thoughts about this ex-con bully.

That night when I made love with my husband, all I could think about was Tony ‘taking me’ like a wild animal.

The next morning, when I was hanging out (even more) washing, I kept looking over to the garage, where I could hear Tony working out.

Just when I thought that he wouldn’t show himself, one of the doors swayed open.

He stood there like an Adonis in his tight shorts. His body was glowing with sweat.

My heart was pounding as I gave him a smile and a discrete wave. He flashed his toothy smile and crudely grabbed his crotch. In reply I stuck my tongue out at him.

With that he pulled his pants down with one hand and waved his cock at me!

My eyes must have been like saucers! “Shit!” I thought, “that can’t be real, it’s huge!” It really was. Tony was laughing at me, as 10 yards away I couldn’t take my eyes off his cock as he swung it round in a circle.

The moment was shattered as my 3 year-old came running into the garden. Still laughing at my shock Tony stepped back into his garage.

I went shopping with my husband and kids so didn’t see anymore of Tony until the Sunday morning.

As I was hanging out my freshly laundered underwear (g-strings and bras), I turned to see Tony standing next to the garage door, with his arms folded and his long cock and heavy balls hanging outside of his shorts for me to see.

I grinned at him, and quickly looked around, just to make sure that no one could see, and lifted the front of my skirt, exposing my freshly trimmed ginger pussy. His eyes were now like saucers!

He waved me towards him. I shook my head as I straightened my denim skirt.

He started to ‘waggle’ his cock, making it stiffen, and again waved me to him.

My breathing was getting heavier and I know that my nipples were poking through my vest, but I stood my ground.

“No” I mouthed, “Please!” he mouthed back, and his cock was now stiffening nicely.

I walked towards him, with my wash basket for protection.

“Has your mum gone to see your Auntie?” I quietly asked him.

“Yes, with dad.” He grinned as he thought that he was in for a treat.

“Good. Put that away, and follow me in then,” I told him.

Mary, Ron and my husband were creatures of habit. Every Sunday they would be at her sister’s house until after 6, and my husband would go to his parents with my kids until 5, and then he would ring me to say he was on the way home.

Once inside my kitchen, I threw the basket down and threw my arms around Tony, the ex-convict.

Tony towered above me as our lips mashed together while our tongues were like two snakes in the grass as they wrestled with each other inside our hot mouths.

His hand went straight up the back of my skirt and groped my naked arse cheeks.

He pulled away from my mouth, “How long have we got?” he asked, as he pulled my arse cheeks apart.

“Until 5, but he’ll ring first.” I panted as I grabbed his cock through his shorts.

“Let’s go upstairs, then,” he demanded, “I want to fuck you on that smug twat’s bed!”

With that he grabbed my wrist, and pulled me towards the stairs.

“What’s he done wrong to upset you?” I asked, puzzled.

“You’ve seen the way he looks down his nose at me, haven’t you?” he replied as we went upstairs two at a time, “Which room?” he asked, as he pushed the door on my youngest son’s room.

“The end one.” I panted, as he still held me by the wrist.

“Very nice! This looks comfortable,” he smiled as he looked at my King-size bed.

Once inside we clung onto each other, kissing as if our lives depended on it. I wrapped my tiny arms around him as he lifted my skirt onto my hips, so that he could stroke and grope my arse as I ground my crotch into his hard cock.

Breaking our kiss, he told me, “Show me your tits!” I stepped back and with one swipe threw my pink vest across the room.

“Oh God! They’re fucking beautiful!” he groaned as he fell to his knees. His tongue lashed across my nipples. Suckling on my 32b teats, he moaned and groaned as I stroked his shaven head.

“I’d nearly forgot how nice a woman’s tits were.” He whispered as he licked my stiff pink nipples, “They smell so fucking nice,” he continued as his hands mauled my arse, and then moving around the front, he stroked my trimmed pubes until his fingers easily penetrated my sopping pussy.

In my desire I’d forgot that he’d been in prison for two years without any female company.

Suddenly my mind raced; if he hadn’t had sex with a woman, then…….. “Oh my God!”

I tensed up.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“If you’ve been in prison, what did you do for…you know….sex?” I asked as he rose to his feet, his cock swinging like a pendulum.

As he whisked me around so that he could unzip my skirt, he told me, “I wanked a lot, and if it all got too much…well?” He dropped my skirt leaving me naked in front of him; “With the lights off, a blow job’s a blow job.” He now pushed me onto my bed and spread my legs wide open, “and a tight arsehole is a tight arsehole anywhere in the world!”

“That’s disgusting!” I told him as he began kissing my soaking pussy. His tongue quickly sent me into spasms as it entered crevices that I didn’t know that I had.

I tugged and pulled at my throbbing nipples as he sent me into orbit with his tongue and fingers.

“Oh my God! Oh my fucking God! I’m cumming! I’m fucking cumming!” I squealed as a magnificent orgasm flooded through my body.

He stood in front of my trembling body waving his rock hard cock at me.

“You’ve had your fun, now it’s my turn.” He told me as he crooked his finger at me and pointed at that magnificent lump of meat.

I shuffled forward and just managed to wrap my small hands around the girth. It felt red hot, and when I lined my face up next to it, there was an overwhelming smell of sweat. But I knew that there was no turning back now.

I rubbed it across my face and kissed the shaft before I pulled back his floppy foreskin and licked the purple glans.

Running his fingers through my hair he pulled me closer, “Good girl. Now suck it! Suck it properly. Not like you do with that twat of a husband, suck it like a whore!” With that I opened my lips and sucked the knob in, “My Mam wouldn’t think that you were Miss Goody Two Shoes if she could see you sucking my cock; would she?” he grunted as he stroked my cheek.

It tasted so, so good, and it only took the knob and a couple of inches to fill my mouth up.

I wrapped my fingers around the excess shaft and gently rubbed and wanked him as I began sucking and licking his monster cock.

“That’s good. Yes, yes, yes.” He groaned as he twisted my hair, “Good girl. Oh fuck you’re good!” he continued as I increased my sucking and rubbing until I was nearly in a frenzy. I had to breathe through my nose because I had so much cock in my mouth.

“Does your husband know what a good little cock- sucker you are? I bet that he doesn’t! Come on get it all in! Suck it harder! Come on faster! I’m gonna fill your mouth with spunk!”

I’d never felt like this before. Even though I knew where his cock had been, for the last two years, all I could think of was making him cum, and making him cum in my mouth, something that I’d never let my husband do. I wanted his spunk and I wanted it now!

Tony was pulling my hair so hard it was hurting, and his other hand was nipping one of my nipples, but the pain was just driving me on further.

“Yes! Yes! That’s it!” He shouted as I felt the first jerk of his cock, which was followed by jet after jet of hot salty spunk. I couldn’t have pulled away if I’d wanted to, as he held my head in place with his huge hand. He was grunting now as the last drops of his seed spewed down my throat.

“Ha, ha,” he laughed as he untangled my hair, “maybe I was wrong, that was the best blow job I’ve had in years!”

He flopped back onto the bed, and I lay beside him, letting him watch his spunk drip out of my mouth and down my chin.

“Don’t waste it!” he laughed, “Come on, Miss Goody Two Shoes, swallow it all like a good girl!”

For the first time in my life, I scooped his goo up with my fingers and fed it back into my mouth. It was now cold compared to when he came in my mouth, and not quite as bitter.

“You enjoyed swallowing my spunk. Didn’t you?” Tony asked me as he rolled onto his side, his hand going between my legs.

I nodded as I found a drop of spunk on my tit.

Kissing me on the nose, he told me, “Tell me how much you enjoyed sucking my cock, and what you want to do next,” as two of his fingers parted my love lips.

Feeling deliciously dirty I obliged him, “I loved sucking your cock.” I whispered in his ear as two fingers disappeared up my cunt. “It was soooo big and it tasted soooo good, soooo fucking good. I couldn’t wait to taste your spunk. I knew that there would be a lot, because your balls are so big,” I began fondling his cock, “I can still taste it now, Hmmm, every time I kiss my husband I’ll think of your spunk in my mouth.”

I was getting very turned on as his fingers probed my pussy and his cock was growing hard in my hand. “When you get hard enough I want to sit on your fucking huge cock. I want you to fill my juicy cunt up and fuck me rigid!”

His thumb was now touching my clit, and I was so wet a third finger had slipped inside and he was twisting his hand around and around. “I want you to fuck me and fuck me and FUCK ME!” I continued until my orgasm took my breath away.

Tony pulled his fingers out of my hole and rolled onto his back. Making his cock stand up like a flagpole, he looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes, “Come on then. Get on board.”

I didn’t need asking twice, but for a few seconds the size of it made me have second thoughts, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I straddled his stomach and backed up. I slid my hand between our bodies and guided the knob against my love-lips, with a grin on my face I moved back until the first couple of inches of thick cock were inside.

My stomach was churning at the thought of being fucked by this absolute monster. Tony placed his hands on my tits as I raised myself so that I could sit on his weapon.

My breathing became a series of short pants and gasps as more and more cock entered my body. I had to stop at about 7 or 8 inches as I could hardly move.

“It’s too big, it’s too big,” I gasped.

“No it’s not.” He laughed, “just relax, get your breath back and you’ll be alright.”

I sat there my pussy and belly full of his cock, but there was more to come!

After a minute or so, I began to slowly ride on his cock. At first I thought that it was going to rip my insides out, then when I became acclimatised, I relaxed and it was the most glorious feeling in the world as I bounced up and down on that huge thing.

Tony contented himself by playing with my breasts as I rocked and rolled.

“Christ this is so good,” I told him, “so fucking good! I needed this, oh my God, I needed to fuck you so much!”

“So fucking me is better than fucking Mr. Boring, is it?” He asked as he twisted my nipples making me wince.

“Oh yes! This is different fucking league!” I called out as I increased the speed of my bouncing, “Fill my cunt up! Fill my cunt up with your SPUNK!” I shouted.

I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I’d never used this type of foul language before, and I’d certainly never discussed my sex life with anyone else.

“No, no, no.” Tony chuckled.

“Yes, yes, yes!” I screamed, “I want to feel your spunk inside me!”

“No! That’s enough! Stop now!” he ordered me.

Puzzled and disappointed. I knew that he must be ready to cum again, and I wanted to feel this load inside me.

He pulled at my tiny nipples really hard, stretching them by an inch, bringing tears to my eyes, “ I’m not going to fill your cunt with spunk – I’m going to fill your arse with spunk!”

“No you’re not!” I told him, “I’ve never done that before, and I don’t intend starting now with something this size!”

“Ha, ha, ha,” he laughed, “that’s what all the pretty boys said. But once they’d had a taste of it. They always came back for more!”

Again his past flashed in front of my eyes.

“No Tony, I don’t want to.” I pleaded, as I stroked the hard muscles on his stomach.

Laughing at me he said, “You haven’t got a fucking choice. Now go and get some cream or oil or something. It’ll make it easier for you.” With that he smacked my arse, twice, and made me get off.

The empty feeling in my pussy and the stinging sensation on my buttocks were only matched by the shame that I felt as I walked naked into the bathroom looking for the baby lotion that he was going to smear on my backside so that he could fuck my arse.

When I entered the bedroom he was standing beside the bed. His cock was even harder now then before either my blowjob or our fuck. This was what he had wanted to do all along.

Flashing his cheeky smile, he nodded at the bed, “Okay, Miss Goody Two Shoes get on all fours,” He commanded.

I did as I was told.

“Open your legs wider,” he continued, “and place a pillow under your belly.”

Again I complied.

“Push your arse up in the air, and spread your cheeks for me.”

Resting my weight on the side of my head I reached behind me and pulled my arse cheeks apart for this man that I’d only met the week before. As my fingers touched my pussy I realised that I was absolutely soaking wet.

“Good Girl.” He said as he dribbled cold baby lotion down my arse crack, making me shudder.

Tony smeared the oil all over the insides of my arse cheeks, running the tip of his finger over my virgin hole, making me tingle and gasp.

“There, I knew that you would like it,” he laughed as a finger slid in to my puckered anus, making me groan. As he poured more oil onto my arse he pulled his finger out, making me moan again. He continued rubbing the oil in and was now concentrating on my hole, poking one then two fingers inside. Even though I had tears in my eyes from the pain I was moaning with pleasure at the same time.

“Now is the time.” He announced as he prodded my hole with the tip of his massive cock.

I grabbed the quilt and braced myself for this act of depravity.

I couldn’t believe the excruciating pain as his knob entered me.

“No, no, no.” I pleaded.

CRACK! He spanked my arse, CRACK his hand landed on the other cheek.

“Stop your whining, and just enjoy yourself.” He laughed as he forced more and more cock into my arse, “ because I’m going to!”

The initial pain was now subsiding and all I could feel was his cock filling my cavity and my cheek smarting from where he had smacked it.

My arse was so numb I couldn’t tell whether he had the whole thing in or not, but he was shaking my body like a rag-doll, his thrusting was so powerful.

Tony gripped my hips and I felt him increase the speed of his thrusts. The baby lotion was an excellent lubricant because he was fucking my arse with ease. As I began to relax the sensation in my bottom was actually becoming quite pleasant!

“Ohhhh!” I moaned after a couple of minutes, “Mmmmm.”

“Ha, ha, HA. You dirty bitch! I told you that you would like it, didn’t I?” He laughed as he smacked my arse again.

Again I groaned as my cheek stung like Hell.

“You like this don’t you?” he called out.

“Yes.” I panted as his cock was now ramming in and out of my once tiny arsehole.

“He’s never fucked you like this, has he?” Tony cackled, again, as I moaned and groaned.

“No, no, never!” I huskily whispered, “You… you’re so good. Oooohh…keep fucking my arse…Ohhhh yesssss!” I groaned, my voice trembling like my body. “Ohhhh Tony, fill my arse with your cock, fill it up…Ohhhhh, FUCK ME! HARDER, HARDER!” I screamed.

“Finger yourself!” he ordered. I did as I was told and slid a hand between my legs. I was so wet I thought that I’d pissed myself. First one finger then a second, then a third automatically followed as I finger fucked myself while Tony banged my arse.

“Tell me. Tell me what you like!” he ordered.

“I love your big cock”, I groaned, “I love it in my…in my…in my arse. I love it in my arse. It feels so good when it fills my …arse…and my cunt!” The palm of my hand was buzzing like crazy over my clit as my fingers could feel his throbbing cock through the thin membrane while I said the dirtiest of things, “Spank me, spank me!” I cried out.

CRACK, CRACK, CRACK, his hands hit my buttocks, sending me wild with desire, as his cock rattled in and out of my hole like an express train.

Tony’s breathing was getting louder and shorter as he neared his climax.

“Fuck me! FUCK MY ARSE! Fill me full of spunk!” I cried out and with one more SMACK on my arse we both screamed to an earth shattering orgasm at the same time.

My whole genital area was red hot, as his spunk flooded into my cavity as my arse cheeks shone red from his spanking. By now I forced my thumb and little finger into my cunt as I continued fucking myself, while he kissed my neck and shoulders.

Everything in the lower half of my body ached after he withdrew and I pulled my fist out of my gaping cunt. We flopped onto the bed, shattered.

After a couple of minutes I sensed Tony getting to his knees and move his hips next to my face. I looked up to see him dangling his shit stained cock over my face.

“That was good, wasn’t it? Miss Goody Two Shoes?” he chuckled as he ran the tip across my lips. The smell of sweat, spunk and shit were overwhelming. But instead of gagging, I was overcome by the need to suck his cock again, even if it had been in my arse five minutes before.

I opened my lips and he dropped it in.

“You dirty cunt!” he whispered, as he grabbed my hair, “That’s right, lick your shit off my cock!”

I couldn’t stop myself. Like a woman possessed I ran my tongue and lips all over his stained shaft. I can’t describe the taste, but all I wanted to do was please him.

After 4 or 5 minutes, his cock was beginning to stiffen as finished cleaning him.

“Ha, Ha, ha!” he laughed at me, “That’s enough! I’ve got to go now.”

As I lay on the bed covered in sweat and spunk, my once private holes now stretched beyond belief, Tony pulled his shorts up and put his trainers on.

“See you on Monday morning?” he asked as he walked out of the bedroom.

I knew that I didn’t have a choice, he’d woken something inside me that would have to be satisfied regularly. I nodded my head and smiled.

When I finally recovered the feeling in my cunt and arse I realised that I’d just had the fucking that I’d been masturbating about since I was 14, and hoped that it wouldn’t be the last.

anonymous readerReport

2013-01-22 17:51:00
beautiful lori. You know i was thinking about you today, there was this betfaiuul song at the gym and I thought of you and wanted to tell you that this is a really dark time in your life and it feels so hard, like you'll never come out of it but it can only get better from here. You will come out of this darkness one day, whenever it is, and you will be strong, you will carry tony in your heart and in your family for the rest of your life and you will find peace with this. Please don't give up, don't think you are doing this alone. You can't beat that old footprints prayer as corny as it that at the hardest times of our life there is only one set of footprints in the sand because God carries us through them. Please don't lose faith and please look for the sunshine when it's ready to shine.I'll never forget you and your story Lori, you are going to go on and inspire other mums to turn hardship in their life into something good. I know it. hugs, haven't stopped praying for you and your b

anonymous readerReport

2011-04-01 14:07:58
Is there going to be a sequel?

2011-03-19 14:07:09
I feel that if you don't like the ass to mouth then skip it but do not use that to say bad things about the writer the one that said the writer suck is the one that "sucks".

Anonymous readerReport

2009-07-26 23:24:13

Anonymous readerReport

2009-07-20 20:01:48
Basically same story titled Ms Goody Too Shoes submittedin 2004.

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Gorgeous George

"By, For, and About George Kuchar" celebrates the beloved, rascally filmmaker

Pure cinematic gluttony on a budget: a peek at the filming of 2005's The Fury of Frau Frankenstein.

TRASH She's an unstoppable force, that Sherri Frankenstein. As embodied by Linda Martinez in an anything-but-soggy serial by George Kuchar, Sherri is endlessly buffeted by life — shoved, mutilated, or worse by rapacious characters ever-eager to administer injections. She's prone to oracular gestures so lengthy and dizzyingly impulse-driven that their conclusions directly contradict the reality around her. But whether she's carousing at a go-go club or distractedly presiding over a Dracula's castle-turned-home for wayward women, Sherri's is a spirit that will not be snuffed.

Sherri's odyssey begins in 2003's Kiss of Frankenstein, a screen adaptation of a 2003 play's torrid and torrential vomitous verbiage. Shot in three hours for $500 and post-dubbed in a bathroom, Kiss is an orgy of all that Kuchar in dramatic mode has to offer — a DayGlo video update of the old dark house scenario of his and Curt McDowell's classic Thundercrack! (1975) with live action-meets-animation interiors that outdo Dario Argento's Suspiria (1977) in terms of lurid décor. Martinez's sheer organza negligee is only the raciest fabric in a dance of the 700 veils to rival Kenneth Anger's Puce Moment (1949). The dreamy-eyed male lead's hairy chest and right nipple peeks out from a torn pajama top. A maze of maniacal monologues and mythical machinations — listening to Kuchar's characters rattle off narration, one can't help but ponder the narcissistic nature of memoir — in the form of a hungry Hungarian "pilgrimage for the palate," the first chapter in Kuchar's monstrous equivalent to Wagner's Ring includes a sudden ax attack rendered in the style of William Castle.

Fresh from an acid facial, Sherri is back and pig-biting mad in 2005's The Fury of Frau Frankenstein, another of Kuchar's collaborations with his students at San Francisco Art Institute. Abandoning Kiss's monologues for title cards and visual tale-spinning, Fury introduces Sherri's buxom niece Leticia, whose fate is watched by a Ryan Gosling-like newspaper reporter named Bruce. (In a bit part, young filmmaker Sarah Hagey almost steals the movie while her man is stolen.) Kuchar unleashes a blitz of post-production video effects, placing party scenes within envelopes and sprinkling digital glitter on Sherri's face. Shot for $100 less than its predecessor, Fury is pure cinematic gluttony on a budget: a stew is stirred with a dismembered hand, a glimmering spider web curtain from the previous movie returns as one character's cape, and a bat scurries across a floor in a manner that evokes not just the ravenous killer brains of the 1958 British horror flick Fiend Without a Face, but also furry slippers.

Technical difficulties prevented a viewing of the climax of Kuchar's Frankenstein Cycle, 2008's Crypt of Frankenstein. But Sherri returns in a sequel to the series, 2010's Jewel of Jeopardy, whose cast includes an M.D. A little weary and slurry and lost in the length and relentlessness of her monologues, she's soon helpless — gleefully so — to stop a Dracula who "burns quite easily" as he feasts on the "nubile necks" of her female charges, administering "hellish hickeys." Here, the prop-mad and pixelated fervor of Kuchar's meta-montage reaches its apex: digital blood drapes the screen, hairdos morph into spider webs, a character is beaten with his own severed leg, a Santa Claus wall hanging beams green rays from its eyes, Martinez's flesh is visually rhymed with a Frankenstein mask, and the cast is momentarily lost in a blizzard of animated hearts and stars that would bring a blush to the face of the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

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