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How I Came to Terms with my Ulcerative Colitis Diagnosis

Healthline asked me to write an article a few weeks ago regarding my lifestyle with ulcerative colitis, and how I came to terms with my initial diagnosis. Click here to read the article on, or read the article below.

Ulcerative colitis can be described many ways through a variety of symptoms, but only those who live with it every day know how detrimental it can truly be. At first, the pain was terrifying. Coupled with the large amounts of blood I would see in the toilet I knew something was very wrong. Yet I didn’t tell anyone. My father, who is a physician, watched in confusion as I began to rapidly lose weight. My friends would stare with fear as I would run to the bathroom countless times a day.

I hid what I was experiencing from everyone, too afraid to admit the severity of my suffering and how it was affecting my fast-paced life. Looking back on this now, why didn’t I tell anyone? Why was I so afraid to seek help or to tell the truth?

I think I was afraid because I knew in the back of my head how much my life was about to change regardless of the ultimate diagnosis. All the extreme pain, the blood loss, the fatigue, the inability to eat, the nausea that was impossible to ignore, it all had to mean something bad. Something that I wasn’t going to be able to handle, right?

Now 5 years after that initial sharp pain in my abdomen, I spend my days trying to help those who are first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s Disease understand how important it is to share their initial symptoms with a family member, friend, or co-worker. The first piece of advice I give to anyone that comes to me seeking guidance is that you are stronger than you think. In my weakest moments, when I couldn’t get up off the bathroom floor, when I was shaking in pain, I was actually becoming stronger. I learned and continue to learn more about myself and life from my ulcerative colitis than any class in school could have taught me.

When I was first diagnosed, before I even knew what ulcerative colitis meant for myself and my family, I was uneducated on the disease and how much it would truly change our lives. My first GI doctor was terrible all around, and didn’t help me to grasp the importance of educating myself on Inflammatory Bowel Disease. I knew nothing about treatment options, diet, or lifestyle changes that needed to take place. Surgery outcomes were never even mentioned. No one told me to read blogs, books, pamphlets, anything. I thought that I could continue living my life as a 23-year-old bartender working 18 hours a day.

Once we found another GI doctor that would ultimately save my life, my UC had rapidly become what he would tell my family and I was the worst case of ulcerative colitis he had seen in 25 years.

Over the next year and a half, we tried everything to ease my suffering. I tried every biologic, every steroid, every immunosuppressant, every home remedy suggested to us. My father even inquired about drug trials, but by the of that year and a half it was too late.

Too late meaning that by the time I met my surgeon, I was days away from bowel perforation. I had 3 days to cope with the fact that I would not only be undergoing a surgery to remove one of my organs, I would be living the next year with an ostomy, which I knew nothing about. That ignorance led to anger and anxiety. Why hadn’t anyone prepared me for this so that I could properly prepare myself?

As soon as we returned home from the Cleveland Clinic that day I immediately went online. I started reading blogs and social media posts from girls who had met the same fate, but with a better attitude. I remember reading an article authored by a young woman with Crohn’s. She was living her life with a permanent ileostomy and was so thankful for it. Her story instantly made me realize that I was blessed to be in the position I was in. She inspired me to continue reading and to start writing to help others the way she had helped me.

Now, my life with a jpouch means less suffering, but the importance of staying educated will never subside.  I take everything my team of doctors tells me and I share it with the world. I never want anyone that is diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease to feel alone or confused. I want every patient and family member to know that there are so many people out there who are willing to help and answer any questions you might have. I went through my challenges for a reason. I learned the hard way so that I could help make others’ lives that much easier.

I manage my condition today by listening. I listen to my body when it tells me I’m too tired to go out after work and have dinner with friends, I listen to my doctor when he tells me I need to watch what I eat and work out a little more, I listen to my family when they tell me that I don’t look my best.

Rest is so important to any patient, regardless of the stage of diagnosis that you are in. It’s tough to slow down, but understand that rest will help heal you. Education is also essential. Being an educated patient means being your own advocate. The best places to get information on ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s Disease? Blogs or articles written by other patients. Read the blogs that are positive, that don’t scare you, that are informative and that you can relate to. People in the IBD community are the kindest, most generous individuals I have ever known. I’m so grateful to have such an incredible support system that is only one click away.

Even today when I am feeling a symptom that is strange, I look to those who have mentored me through my journey. I ask questions and then I take those experiences to my doctor and ask his opinion.

These days I feel incredible. I live a life that I was afraid of losing and that’s because I stayed strong even though I was afraid. I manage my lifestyle by the same rules I founded five years ago.

I listen even though I’m stubborn, I rest even when I want to be out and about, I research when I’m unsure, and I share when I find the answers.

About Brooke:

Brooke Bogdan was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 22 after returning from a vacation where she caught two different kinds of gastrointestinal parasites that went undiagnosed for 6 months. When the parasites were cured, she was left with severe pan colitis. In the early summer of 2013 as a life-saving effort, Brooke had her colon removed. She underwent 3 laparoscopic surgeries at the Cleveland Clinic. Brooke now lives in downtown Cleveland with a jpouch. She works at Studiothink as a Digital Account Manager and lives the most normal life possible. Brooke founded Companion Magazine for IBD in 2013 and authors her blog, Fierce and Flared.

Twitter: @brklynbouncer

Companion Magazine for IBD:

Fierce and Flared Blog:

what works?

After having quite a rough night last night, I realized that I haven’t shared how my progress has been going since my last scope. It’s probably a good time to write this since my progress appointment with Dr. Shen is on Tuesday, 1/24.

Sidenote: Something told me to call the Cleveland Clinic one sentence into this post. I would have bet $500 that my appointment was on 2/24. Looks like I was about 4 weeks off. I booked this appointment 2 months ago – thats how far out Dr. Shen books, which also speaks to how incredible of a jpouch doctor he is. And how unorganized and forgetful I am.

Hey! I’m busy. Which is good. I will tell you that the element of this treatment plan that has made me feel the best is my workouts. I’m back to running up to 3 miles (sometimes more), which I haven’t done in a long time. I remember when I had my ostomy my goal was always to be as healthy as possible – assuring myself that if I was my recovery from my next surgery would be quicker which would mean less time in between surgeries. Less time in the hospital.

I was always right.

I think the longest I stayed in the hospital after a surgery was 3 days. That was after my first surgery and trying to learn how to live life with an ostomy. Dr. Strong would always come into my room like Batman – unexpected and swift. He would look at me with amazement and pride and tell me that I could go home the next day. When that time came after each surgery, I would jump out of my hospital bed and jump back on the treadmill as soon as I was allowed. After my second surgery I disobeyed (ME?! Disobeying?! NEVER) and started working out too hard too quickly, and earned myself a bowel obstruction and another 4 day stay at the Cleveland Clinic. Whoops.

But the point of that is my intentions were good. I wanted to be as healthy as possible. What happened to that mindset? How did I let that slide? I can think of a million excuses and reasons why, but at the end of the day, I am to blame for the nervousness that I am feeling to see Dr. Shen on Tuesday. No one put me in this place but me. Which has been tough to carry. I’ve learned that having forgiveness for yourself and your mistakes is crucial for moving on so that I can be the best version of myself for my family, my friends, my co-workers, and my boyfriend.

On a lighter note I feel incredible. Do I have my days? YES. and nights. I always will. It’s learning how to bounce back from them so that I have fewer. My eating and health habits have changed, but changing my personality is even harder. I’ve learned more about myself and my disease in these past 3 months than I have living with the condition for 5 years. Living with a jpouch is a consistent learning curve. They don’t lie when they tell you that everyone’s body is different. I was blessed with the curse of cuffitis, a high stress temperament, and anxiety at night that could keep me up for days at a time if I didn’t have help from Aleve PM.

I’ve learned that stress affects my body and my colitis more than anything. Sure, my diet has led to ischemia of the jpouch and some pretty intense pouchitis. But my stress and emotions cause bleeding. I know when I go to the bathroom and see blood, I should probably be slowing my roll and resting. When I make a bad decision food wise, I feel more nausea than anything, which I hate more than pain. Last night I had pain in my rectum that was radiating up my spine. The first thing I do when I feel pain now is reflect on everything I did that day. How can I make a busy day less stressful for myself next time? Yesterday, I  had 2 major meetings with clients that I was nervous about, expanded a lot of energy yesterday getting to those meetings, running them, and putting my all into answering clients questions and reassuring them.

I love what I do, sometimes a little too much. But that makes me who I am. I’m passionate and hard-working. Changing that would be impossible, and I don’t want to change it. The difference now is that I understand the importance of stress and how intensely that does have an affect on the health of my jpouch. Balance is key. I’m still practicing that one.

I finished almost all of my Hyperbaric Oxygen treatments. What a great idea from Dr. Shen. After 3 weeks, I felt incredible. If you have a jpouch and are struggling with pain, bathroom trips, fatigue, anything – ask your doctor about HBO treatments. They are tough, no sugar coating. Going to the hospital for 3 hours every weekday and undressing, taking off makeup, brushing out hairspray and not having a phone or really being able to move is tough. But its another commitment and choice that I had to make to be healthy. Sure, laying down for 2 hours a day might sound easy to some, but it wasn’t. The pressure can give you a headache, it gets very boring (technology addiction) and its hard to move. Also, my eyesight is currently a disaster; which will improve. The aftermath and how incredible I feel now makes up for the emotional trauma those treatments caused me in the beginning.

I workout with Nikki once a week, I was with her twice a week for the first 2 months. She has taught me skills that not only help ease my stress, but has been an incredible friend, support system, and therapist through all of this. Our workouts are fun gossip sessions that result in an escape from the stresses of daily life.

I no longer dread running and cardio. I found an app called Aaptiv – which has coached me to be the best runner I have ever been. The app offers workouts ranging from easy to hard, from running to strength training. If you are having trouble getting through the same old boring cardio workout, I strongly suggest you give this app a try. *not an ad  – I truly love it.

My nutritionist taught me the importance of reading nutrition labels, how great lean protein makes me feel, how to use probiotics to defend my body, that cutting carbs instantly slims you, and has motivated me to want to make better choices.

I have to say that after all of this I’m proud of myself for picking myself up and figuring out how to fix this. I’m still learning, I’ll never be perfect. The support I’ve received from everyone I love has been incredible and so inspiring. Pfizer has opened my eyes to other jpouch patients who struggle and I have been able to help offer advice from my own tribulations – and I’m lucky that they share theirs with me.

Those times of great suffering have never been a reason for me to hide and feel self pity. You have to take the challenge that is put in front of you and be the strongest, most positive person you can be so that others who are not as strong can learn from you.

Life with IBD or any chronic illness wasn’t given to me or anyone else as a way to live life full of excuses. If you think about it, when you are at your weakest, you are really at your strongest.

Keep fighting!

Brooke’s Story – No Filter on Hypberbaric Oxygen Treatments

To put it lightly, I’ve been through a lot. Quite a few surgeries, an ostomy, countless hospital stays, all the drugs that pharmaceutical companies could make, pain, nausea, all of it. What I tend to do all the time, is censor my true feelings. I am guilty of putting a “filter” on my IBD.

This week is about taking that filter off and showing what it’s truly like to live with ulcerative colitis. It is painful, scary, unpredictable, and the treatments are tough and exhausting. My latest struggle, which I won’t go into detail about because you can read it on my blog here: ( has caused me to break down in ways that I haven’t experienced in a long time.

Those hyperbaric chambers are intimidating looking. I felt a lot of emotions, the main ones being disbelief and disappointment. I couldn’t believe that my poor choices have resulted in me having to spend 2.5 hours of my day, every day, laying in a space-age looking tube. Normally I’m not sure where my anger or disappointment should be directed, right now I know for sure.

My anger and disappointment are directed at me.

This is what the Hyperbaric chambers look like.

The fight that I’m going through right now has to be one of the toughest in my journey with ulcerative colitis. I told my boyfriend the other day I feel like I’m breaking. I work for a PR agency (which I love), I advocate for people living with IBD (which is my mission in life) – now on top of all of that, I’m back on maintenance drugs for my UC. 4 suppositories every single day. It’s so fun to shove those capsules in my butt every day. (Hey, we said this was unfiltered, so don’t expect anything less).

I’m working out intensely with a personal trainer twice a week, along with yoga and my own workouts the other days. I try my best to have a social life, I have a boyfriend who is also my best friend that I love spending time with, I have friends that I want to catch up with, I have a family who makes up my whole heart who I want to be around as much as possible. I have to cook, clean my apartment, go to my check-ups at the doctor, and now I have to go to Lutheran Hospital every single day for 2.5 hours and lay in a pressurized oxygen chamber.

No matter what “unfiltered” challenge you are facing with IBD, always stay positive. We will beat this together.

This is my life with IBD right now, unfiltered.

My #IBDunfiltered image. I took this after returning from seeing the Hyperbaric chambers for the first time. I was angry, confused, and felt really alone. Knowing that I had another challenge to face was tough, but sometimes crying and letting out your most “unfiltered” emotions out is the best way to heal and prepare yourself. Now the chamber treatments are a breeze – I actually really enjoy them! I had to face my fears to get to that state of mind, though. The best advice I could give is, accept the fact that there are going to be difficult times, but that doesn’t mean you won’t overcome them.

#IBDunfiltered Campaign – IBD Awareness Week

img_0970We are so excited for IBD Awareness Week and the fun campaign that we have worked so hard to crunch out the details of. Since the relevance of our beloved Snapchat has grown to extensive lengths, we thought it would be perfect to “unfilter” what it’s like to live with Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis.

Don’t lie to yourself (or us). You love that pretty filter, dog filter, and especially the deer filter. They’re a great way to laugh with your friends and hide your flaws.

But – IBD Awareness Week is about sharing our flaws. In order to help spread awareness, we want you all to see us, unfiltered, out from underneath our security blanket of the ‘pretty filter.’

Living with Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis life changing. There’s no filter to cover the hardships that we go through with these diseases. We do our very best, fight every single day just to be what society considers ‘normal.’

Well, this week we are done covering up our fight.

Let’s stop censoring our tenacity and start showing the world how tough we are.

Starting today – all of the editors from Companion will share our ‘unfiltered’ selfie, along with a few paragraphs describing how we overcame a tough time in our journey with Crohn’s and colitis. A time when any filter could never hide the pain we were experiencing.

You are not alone in this fight. The days that you feel the absolute worse on the inside, but find the inner strength to filter yourself so that you look beautiful on the outside, makes us the strongest people that I have ever had the honor of knowing.

Let’s do this. No filter needed.

*If you would like to submit a selfie (NO FILTERS) and a sharing a few paragraphs about one of the most challenging times of your journey, please email both the photo and essay to We will do our best to post all submissions on our website.

i’ve been lying.

screen-shot-2016-11-28-at-1-57-44-pmI’ve been acting strange lately. I’ve been going through a lot over the past few months with my colitis and my jpouch and not blogging or telling people about it. Which is not usually like me. Since my diagnosis, I have always wanted to find a way to bring more awareness to inflammatory bowel disease, to talk to as many people as I possibly can about what I was feeling, the pain I was in, and what I have learned through my journey. I’ve shared every detail of every surgery, every infusion, every hospital stay, all of it.

Until the past few months.

One of the biggest flaws of those of us with IBD, is that we lie. You’re probably lying to yourself right now. “What is she talking about? I never lie. I always tell the truth about my symptoms and they aren’t even that bad. I’m managing my disease. I’m fine.”

We lie to our doctors because we are afraid of next steps. We lie about how many times we go to the bathroom. We lie about how bad our pain is. We lie about how much blood we are seeing. We lie about our emotions, about our depression and anxiety. We lie to our family and friends because we don’t want them to worry. We lie to ourselves because we don’t want to believe that we are living this way; we live in a constant state of denial. But sometimes facing the truth is the only way we are going to get better.

You know what my favorite lie is? “I’ll be okay.”

So, as hard as it is for me to admit that I’m actually not okay, here’s my current truth.

The past few months, probably since August, I have felt absolutely terrible. The pain in my rectum is inexplicable, my joints ache so badly that I can barely get myself to be comfortable enough to sit on the couch without a heating pad. Every time I moved I would have to go to the bathroom. If I laughed, breathed too hard, anything – back to the bathroom. “How could this be?” I thought. “I had those surgeries so I wouldn’t have to live like this.

On top of all of my colitis symptoms returning, the never-ending list of life’s daily tasks prevent me from falling asleep. I can never stop being stressed out. I have no patience, I want to work all the time. I want to eat good food, drink vodka sodas, and be out all night without getting overly exhausted or feeling sick the next day. I long to be just like my friends.

So, I did. I worked 10-14 hours a day. I ate whatever, whenever (and I mean WHATEVER) I wanted. Pizza, carbs, fried food, I drank pop, went out to eat constantly, didn’t drink as much G2 as I should. I drank enough Tito’s to fill Lake Erie. I definitely wasn’t working out which resulted in me being the heaviest weight I have ever been in my life. (PS this is all very difficult to write and embarrassing to admit, but this is how I’m going to heal. Plus, if it means helping even one person find an answer to why they can’t manage their IBD, then it’s worth it.)

Worst of all is that I haven’t put myself first for over a year. ONE YEAR. That’s 365 days of taking shitty care of myself and telling that same lie over and over again. “I’ll be okay.” I would rather drop whatever I’m doing to rush to work, answer a client phone call, push myself to go somewhere just because of FOMO, I go out and eat terrible food from restaurants I shouldn’t be eating at, taking shots of fireball, staying up all hours of the night on my phone, and constantly stressing about things that I can’t control.

Moderation is a word I know the meaning of in a literal sense. But if you asked me what I do in my life moderately, the answer would be, “nothing.”

I’m the biggest hypocrite I have ever met. I have vowed to make it my mission in life to help those who live with Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis. I blog about what’s right, how to take care and manage your disease, who to listen to, how to talk about it, what to eat, how much you should sleep. Do I currently practice any of that advice?

No. I don’t. What kind of role model is that? What example am I setting for those who look to me for inspiration?

When it came time for my yearly scope on October 13th I prepped like I normally do. Made jello, drank the Miralax and survived on popsicles for 24 hours. My boyfriend and I drove to the Cleveland Clinic. Mike knew I had been going to the bathroom a ridiculous amount of times. I told him that my cuffitis is probably just really flared.

Side Note: Rectal cuff inflammation (sometimes called cuffitis) is inflammation in the part of the rectum that is left after ileal pouch-anal anastomosis (IPAA) surgery, which is more commonly known as j-pouch surgery.

I’ll never forget when I was first diagnosed with cuffitis. Dr. Shen said to me, “When your rectum is sick, you are sick.”

That couldn’t be truer.

My boyfriend Mike, my dad, and I waited in the lobby of the Crile building at the Cleveland Clinic for over 4 hours. I was supposed to be scoped at 1:00, I wasn’t brought back into the exam room until 6:30 p.m. For those of you who don’t know who Dr. Bo Shen is, I’ll give you a small synopsis. He is the best jpouch doctor you will ever find. People travel from all over the country, even the world to see him. I had someone refer to him once as “pouch Jesus,” which is why we had to wait so long for me to be scoped. If you ever have a problem with your jpouch, you go see Dr. Shen. The wait is worth it.

Click here for more information on Dr. Shen if you are interested.

After about 5 different nurses trying 30 different times to get an IV in, I was finally able to be wheeled back. I was ready to hear the usual, “Your cuffitis is flared, your rectum is red, stop eating carbs, eat lots of lean protein, red meat, no sugar, stay on your Canasa and Hydrocortisone suppositories.”

None of us were even remotely ready to be told what we were. While in the recovery area, even though I was drugged on versed and valium; the concerning look on Dr. Shen’s face said it all. When he pulled my dad to the corner to show him the pictures of my jpouch, I knew it was bad. Mike and I sat there, trying to listen. Mike’s face went from emotionless to concern. I could hear snippets of the conversation, “not good” – “weight is high” – “cutting off blood flow to the pouch.”

My dad rushed to my bedside, he wasn’t angry, but stern. “You’re done with the pizza, done with the drinking. You’re done living a life that you know you aren’t supposed to be living and making the choices you aren’t supposed to be making. Your weight is the highest it has ever been and it’s cutting off blood flow to your pouch.”

My jpouch is dying. I have what’s called ischemia of the jpouch. Ischemia is an inadequate blood supply to an organ or part of the body. The tissue that surrounds my bowel is inflamed from the fatty and high carb foods I had been eating, which caused that tissue to swell and cut off circulation to my pouch. As if that wasn’t enough to hear, I also have severe pouchitis and the cuffitis from my rectum systematically moved up to my distal pouch (the lower part of my jpouch).

My dad kissed me on the head and left. Mike and I sat there in silence. I immediately felt a wave of extreme anger come over me. “How could they be sitting here calling me fat? How could they possibly think that this is my fault? This is bullshit.”

I wanted out. I wanted out of that recovery room, I wanted out of that hospital, and I definitely was not going to make the effort to listen to what anyone had to say.

I spent two days feeling sorry for myself. Refusing to eat. All I was focused on was the fact that they called me fat and were blaming me for the state that I was in. I turned off my phone, I cried, I screamed in anger. I felt humiliated. I was sick and incredibly pissed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and I didn’t want to hear any advice. I needed to have that meltdown.

I finally realized that hiding under my covers was not going to solve anything and it certainly wasn’t going to save my jpouch. I thought back to the day I found out I had to have an ostomy. How embarrassed I was for acting like such a brat to my surgeon and nurses; when in fact, that ostomy is the best thing that ever happened to me.

That’s exactly how I was acting then, too. Like a stubborn, ignorant brat.

Enough was enough. I took a deep breath and turned on my phone. I had at least 50 texts along with an epiphany. All of these people love me. All of them care about me and my health. Every single one of them was worried about me when they hadn’t heard from me after my scope.

I called my dad and Mike and apologized to them. Seeing the look on my dad and Mike’s faces when Dr. Shen explained what was going on is something I will never forget. It’s one kind of pain to actually physically live with and feel IBD. It’s another to hurt the people that you love the most because you aren’t managing it the way you are supposed to. I made so many poor choices that I gave colitis the power to rule my life. I was no longer in control, my disease was.

I had to figure out how I was going to get the control back. It’s similar to a drug addict or an alcoholic hitting rock bottom. I hit my rock bottom. I HAD to hit my rock bottom, I’m glad I did. I hurt the people who love me the most and that is a selfish way to act.

When you are sick with a chronic illness, it’s not just about you and your pain. It’s also about the people that you love and the pain that they feel. When you are sick, your entire support system suffers.

I woke up the next morning and went to work. I sat down with my boss and my co-workers and explained to them what was going on. Admitting that I was sick again. Admitting that I am out of control and have made poor choices. Admitting that I was ready to change and most importantly, admitting that I need help. Seeing the sadness in their eyes as I explained to them how sick I am was hard, and it made me realize how much they all love me and want me to better. They listened, they asked questions, and they offered advice. Now every single day since then they have helped push me forward.

I’m so blessed to work for a company and for a boss who understands – who knows that I’m going to have bad days and that fixing this is going to be a journey. My boss and co-workers don’t judge me for it, and they don’t make me feel like a burden. They make me feel loved and accepted.

I work in downtown Cleveland at a PR agency in the Galleria. Across from my office is a brand new YMCA. I walked over there, explained to the person at the front desk that I wanted to start working with a personal trainer twice a week. I know how to run and I know how to work out so that I lose weight. I don’t know how to work out to heal my body. I need to strengthen my core and learn how to build myself up so that I can feel the very best I can.

There was another young girl standing at the opposite end of the counter. She had overheard me explaining my medical issue and needs and how I have ulcerative colitis. She told me that she is a nutritionist and her brother has Crohn’s. Perfect.

It’s now the end of November and I already feel so much better. It’s incredible. I had to complete a round of Tindamax, which wasn’t easy. A few days of vomiting, everything tasted like metal, blah. But my bathroom trips immediately lessened once the round of antibiotics was over. I’ve been working with my personal trainer, Nikki, for 6 weeks now. She has made me realize working out is so fun and stress relieving. She listens carefully to me and knows exactly what I should be doing to strengthen my core so that my body can heal.

A very large portion of my diet is now organic. I eat a lot of baked chicken, sweet potatoes, and turkey. I LOVE turkey bacon. My favorite breakfast is 2 egg whites, a few pieces of turkey bacon and greek yogurt. I love making protein pancakes. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol completely and we don’t eat out at restaurants nearly as much as we used to. We pick one night a week to eat out. I have cut out all carbs. My stomach and face have thinned out. I’m already down 10 pounds. My goal is 10 more.

I’ve changed my entire life and I’m starting to feel so amazing. Part of my treatment plan is Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy, which I start today. I get a lot of anxiety thinking about being in one of those chambers, but I have to do it to get better. Just like working out is literally one of my medications, so is this hyperbaric chamber.

Hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT): is a medical treatment which enhances the body’s natural healing process by inhalation of 100% oxygen in a total body chamber, where atmospheric pressure is increased and controlled. We are trying to increase the oxygen and blood flow to my jpouch.

That’s what the HBO chambers look like.

Nothing is ever easy, I’ve had some roadblocks along the way. I was in the hospital last week from passing a kidney stone. I had hand, foot, mouth disease. (Gross). I had blisters all up and down my throat, throughout my voice box and on the tops of my feet. I couldn’t eat or swallow for 3 days. People with no colons get dehydrated WAY easier. Your colon is responsible for drawing the water out of the food you eat and replenishing it into your body. I don’t have that. Which is why I have to drink G2, which has the right amount of sodium and electrolytes that my body no longer retains from the food I eat. Too much water can actually dehydrate me further because it flushes everything out.

I cannot thank my parents, sisters, and friends enough for the support that they have shown me over these past 6 weeks. It’s been tough. I honestly think it’s even tougher than when I was going through the surgery process. You get one chance at having a jpouch. I’m so disappointed in myself, but at the same time, I’m proud of myself because I am working really hard to fix this.

Mom and Dad: thank you for always loving me and supporting me, even when I eat too much pizza 🙂 I’m sorry that I let this get so bad, I promise to continue working really hard every day to make you proud. Seeing you two upset and knowing that you feel helpless is awful. I promise to turn this around. Everything I do is to make you proud. I love you both more than words could ever say.

Mike: You came into my life at the perfect time. I have spent the past 5 years looking for someone who would care enough about me to understand what its like to love someone with a chronic illness. I know this hasn’t been easy for you, but you are the strongest person I know for loving me. You’re my best friend and you make me want to be a better person. You motivate and inspire me every day. Thank you for all that you do for me. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.  You have completely changed your life to accommodate mine and that is the truest love I have ever felt.

Christine and my Studiothink family: There aren’t enough words to thank all of you for how much you support me. I can’t imagine how hard it is to work with someone who has been absent quite a bit lately, who may be angry because of pain, or who may be difficult to read because I don’t want to put you through any more stress than what we deal with when it comes to our work. I know I can always count on every single one of you. Eleanore – to sit in the ER with me just so I didn’t have to be alone. Christine– for taking me to my HBO orientation because you knew how afraid I was to face those chambers. Steve, Tony, Meg, Missy, Bev, Kara, and Sue – thank you for lifting my spirits, listening and truly trying to understand what I’m going through.

Kristin, Gaylyn, Rasheed, and Emma: No words needed. Our bond is one that will last a lifetime and I consider you family. All of you saved my life and taught me compassion, understanding, and have given me a love for life with IBD because it brought us together.

To all of those who I’ve met through mentoring, Pfizer, or social media – the bond that we have is incredible. I stay positive and fight as hard as I do so that you know that no matter what, you’re going to be okay. You have to work hard and take care of yourself. The fact of the matter is that we are different. If you don’t feel good, don’t push yourself. Listen to your body and always take care of it. We get one chance at this thing called life, let’s make the best of it.

Most importantly, let’s stop lying and start asking for help when you need it.

Chat with Companion IBD

Sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to Atlanta to board after a long day of work on an event that I’ve been planning at work for close to 8 months. SO tired. But excited to speak on a patient panel for a second time through Pfizer – we are working with them to better the lives for patients living with ulcerative colitis. Pfizer is doing amazing things for the IBD community and I am so blessed to be a part the decision making and opinion process.

The best part about heading to Atlanta is that Rasheed, Kristin and myself are going to be in the same city as Gaylyn! 4/5 Companion Magazine editors in the same city?! That’s just too good to be true.

To celebrate, we are hosting a Facebook Live Chat with Companion, tomorrow, Saturday, November 5th at 9:30 p.m. EST. We will be answering questions, sharing our experience from the panel (what we can), telling stories, offering tips and tricks and most importantly, listening to all of you. We created Companion Magazine as a resource for positive support for those living with Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis. Having the opportunity to do that in person together, is so exciting for us.

We created Companion Magazine as a resource for positive support for those living with Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis. Having the opportunity to do that in person together, is so exciting for us. Everyone has busy weekends – but we hope you take a few minutes out of yours to chat with us because we couldn’t have created such an incredible magazine without inspiring contributors, readers, friends, and family.

Have your questions ready! Chat tomorrow.

ps. we love you emma.

drawing the line: terms, tips and tools for ostomates

Let’s keep it real. We all need a little humor in our lives when going through something traumatic. There are not many things I can think of that are more personally traumatic than when something happens physically to your body that changes your appearance.

Having any kind of bowel surgery that includes wearing an ostomy pouch is one of those experiences. Why is it so traumatic? Because there are stigmas associated with wearing an ostomy. NEGATIVE stigmas and rumors and opinions at that.

I am big on correcting the polite usage of reference to an ostomy. It is a pouch. It is not a bag, it is not a device, it is not an appliance. For all of us that need a reminder of what an ostomy is and does, here is a great description and definition:

What is Ostomy surgery of the bowel?

“Ostomy surgery of the bowel, also known as bowel diversion, refers to surgical procedures that reroute the normal movement of intestinal contents out of the body when part of the bowel is diseased or removed. Creating an ostomy means bringing part of the intestine through the abdominal wall so that waste exits through the abdominal wall instead of passing through.

Ostomy surgery of the bowel may be temporary or permanent, depending on the reason for the surgery. A surgeon specially trained in intestinal surgery performs the procedure in a hospital. During the surgery, the person receives general anesthesia.”

What does that include?

Ostomy surgeries of the bowel include

  • ileostomy
  • colostomy
  • ileoanal reservoir
  • continent ileostomy

What a great way to refer to an ostomy’s responsibility. Oh, other than saving lives. Re-routing the normal movement of intestinal content.

I cannot begin to explain how much time I have taken out of my life to explain that it is not “shit” it is not “crap” that comes out of your stoma and into your pouch. It is stomach acid, digested food, sometimes small amounts of blood. It is a mixture of things.

I love reading positive articles and statements about ostomies in the press and on social media. But, when we allow the negative commentary about ostomies to continue through these channels, whose fault is it when we are offended by those that are too ignorant to understand what an ostomy does? Why am I seeing educated individuals in the IBD community refer to ostomies with words such as “crapsacks” (that’s the most disgusting word I’ve ever heard in reference to an ostomy and it was used in an article BY an ostomy foundation just today).

How you portray your own ostomy and what it does is up to the individual, but Companion Magazine, the editors, founders, contributors and myself will never be associated with any content that refers to ostomies in a negative manner.

Now that I’ve made myself perfectly clear on my stance, here’s a little more information on how an ostomy works.

Vocabulary Words:

  • Flange or wafer: the “band-aid” part of the ostomy that you wear on your stomach around the stoma. this is what the pouch connects to. Patients work very hard to keep their flanges clean so that they stick to the skin with ease. I also had to change my flange every week to 10 days which was a process that was very private and complicated to me. I would sit in the bathroom, usually on the side of my bathtub. I would take out a new flange, which looks like this:

See that hole in the middle? It takes a lot of time to cut in a circle to size that hole to fit your stoma (everyone’s is a different size). It’s very hard work to adapt to your stoma and how your flange fits.

  • Stoma: “Stoma is a Greek word meaning ‘mouth’ or ‘opening’. Stoma surgery results in a small opening on the surface of the abdomen being surgically created.” After sizing my new flange, I would set that aside and disconnect or “un-snap” my current pouch from the flange that I was wearing. I always completed this process at night, when I had the least amount of stomach acid coming through my stoma. I would then start peeling my old flange from around my stoma. This process could be painful, difficult, and always a little jarring for me to see. The sight of your small intestine coming through your stomach never got easy for me. It was and always will be traumatic, and a sight that only myself, my father and my mother saw. No one else ever saw my stoma. If I ever have to wear another ostomy (God forbid) no one else ever would, either. I shared the image of my actual pouch with the world, but that was where I would stop. To me, I felt naked in public without my pouch over my stoma.
  • Ostomy Pouch: “An external pouch that is worn on the abdomen after bowel surgery to collect contents of the stomach and digestive system.” Once my old flange was off the hard part was over. I would quickly and carefully take the paper off the back of the new flange so that I could place it around my stoma. Then, I would take a new pouch and snap it onto the second plastic ring on the flange. Holding down on the pouch and pressing the flange into your stomach a little bit is important so that the “stick” really seals. I would always put a blow dryer over it with soft heat for a minute or two.

This is what my ostomy pouches looked like. I preferred the close ended pouches, but sometimes I would change between this and the open-ended.

I think it’s important to write and share the process of caring for an ostomy and how much responsibility goes into having one. That process is a big part of the reason why I’m so proud of mine. I took such care, such pride in my ostomy. I was always determined to keep it clean, safe and comfortable for myself.

Now I take great pride in explaining how and why I was that way. It took care of me so I took care of it. I still do.

My ostomy was never a “crap sack,” my ostomy never smelled, it never “collected shit,” it never did any of that.

You know what it did do, though? It saved my life. It let me heal. It freed me from the prison that was ulcerative colitis. That’s what we should all focus on when we speak about ostomies. All of us. Including those of us who wear ostomies today.

You will never hear me disrespecting what an ostomy is or does. Nor will you ever hear me be negative about one. I choose to make this my strongest stance in life because it’s WHY I’m alive.

Everyone has the right to their own opinion. The above is mine.

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Archive for the ‘New Voices’ category

Delayed Despair: The Philosophy of Zhang Lu

May 19, 2009

“If the world is going to get better, it is not going to get much better. If it is going to get worse, it is going to get a lot worse.”

In a Q and A following the screening of his latest feature, Iri (which screened as part of On the Edge: New Independent Film from China, April 24-26 at the Walter Reade Theater), Zhang Lu uses this self-made axiom to explain the despair that supersaturates his films. His words hit me at an oblique angle – unlike everyone else in the audience, I have to wait for them to be translated into English. Lu’s sweetly demure manner of standing and speaking doesn’t help this thirty-second delay in comprehension. I won’t realize how much sense Lu’s grim words make for about another week.

At first I don’t know if it is the gap between our cultures or simply Lu’s natural hand that causes his film to hit me in the same oblique way.  Lu was asked to make a movie about the as of yet unexplained train explosion that took place in Iri, South Korea in 1977. Rather than making a film about the explosion as it took place, Lu sets the movie 31 years after the fact. Our flailing heroine is Jinseo, a woman shaken by the explosion while still in her mother’s womb, and as a result born retarded and motherless.

Just like his treatment of the explosion, Lu’s treatment of the hardships that result from Jinseo’s illness is somehow poignantly indirect. Because Jinseo lacks the IQ or the courage to object, she becomes the victim of constant exploitation. Her boss doesn’t pay her, and the men that surround her molest her wordlessly. Jinseo’s life is unspeakably tragic, but every shot depicting it is perfectly framed. In scenes that foreshadow or even depict rape and suicide, I find myself distracted by some beautiful object focused in the foreground – an elegant doorframe or a teapot from which steam slowly rises. The camera never stays on an assault for more than a second or so – it tilts to some other part of the room while we continue to hear the struggle.

This approach to potent expression may seem paradoxical, but Lu’s slower-acting elixirs probably last longer than the standard drugs.  I might be focused on the red teapot in the foreground while I’m watching an ominous scene, but teapots everywhere for weeks will recall to me what happened in the background.

-Morgan H. Green

On New Voices, Life in Public, and shark attacks…New Directors/New Films wrap up

April 6, 2009

Last night, Ondi Timoner’s witty and fast-moving We Live in Public closed New Directors/New Films, appropriately placing an exclamation point on the provocative festival of new work. Telling the history of the Internet at a speed that suits the information age, the film zeros in on a critical moment in the underground history of pre-millennial New York when a large group of artists, technologist and other assorted creative types got together to live in an underground bunker for twenty days under constant video surveillance.

Josh Harris and Ondi Timoner, photo by Godlis

Was it a cult? A social experiment? An art project? A premonition of a life lived on Facebook? Though it seemed that no one involved in the original event could agree on the meaning of the project, all acknowledged its main architect–Josh Harris–as a visionary. And just as Timoner’s documentary left all of us in the audience questioning our own place in a brave new world of social networking, the film’s magnetic subject, Josh Harris himself, appeared in the flesh to add an extra layer of self-reflexivity to the proceedings (which were already being webcast and most likely being Twittered about!).With an audience filled with some of the film’s subjects, and cameras roving everywhere, it was hard not to think that all of us were embodying Harris’s correction of Andy Warhol: in an Internet future, we’ll all be famous for fifteen minutes a day.

It really has been a whirlwind of a festival. When I first came up the idea of turning the filmlinc blog over to a raft of New Voices, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Would anyone actually take me up on the offer? And what would they come up with? Looking back now, one thing seems clear: unexpected and wonderful things happen when you engage the diverse talents of a group of creative people. That those wonderful things took the form of lots of fresh points of view, fantastic interviews with the likes of Tatia Rosenthal, Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, Alexis Dos Santos, Adam Leon and Jack Pettibone Riccobono and Armond White, great photography and even a shark attack (press play above) was one of the delights of this experiment. So I would like to say a heartfelt thanks to the correspondents who really went above and beyond to provide daily coverage of this festival: Nick Feitel, Matt Griffin, Tom Treanor, Morgan Green, Jessica Loudis, Michael Masarof, Sam Song, Eric Yue, Melanie Shaw, Jay Felty, Nick McCarthy, Aily Nash, Tim Young, Kazu Wantanabe, Brandon Harris, Christian Del Moral and Wayne Titus.

I’d also like to give a shout-out to our New Directors/New Films co-presenter, The Museum of Modern Art. Not only do they have a terrific film exhibition program of their own, and shows specifically geared toward film-lovers, they also do a terrific job of cultivating an online community.

Because a picture is worth a thousand words, I’d like to thank our wonderful photographers, Susan Sermoneta and David Godlis for shots that really bring our events to life.

Finally, I’d like to thank our online community: our Fans on Facebook, those who Twitter with us, and of course, readers of the filmlinc blog. It is thanks to your attention that March was our most successful month yet in our relatively brief existence. We are extremely grateful for your interest and we will always be looking for ways to better bring the Film Society experience to you and to engage you in a vital conversation about films and filmmaking.

-Amanda McCormick

New Directors/New Films video diary: the New Voices have a Mid-August Lunch

April 6, 2009

For their very first film festival experience, New Voices Melanie Shaw, Jay Felty and Eric Yue pack light, journey to Lincoln Center, and solicit plenty of seasoned advice from NYU professor Antonio Monda, the Film Society’s Richard Peña and even New Director Gianni Di Gregorio.

Teaming Up: An interview with Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden

April 3, 2009

Though I was excited when I heard I would get to interview Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden, the filmmakers behind such ND/NF films as Gowanus, Brooklyn, Young Rebels and Half Nelson (which screens Friday at 3, with a conversation with the filmmakers Sunday at 12), but I was slightly disappointed when I found out the terms of the interview.

I had offered beer and ice cream delivered to their hip-Brooklyn locale, along with an informal hang-out session.

They countered with 10 minutes over a cell phone.

(Got to keep interest up for the conversation with them on Sunday I suppose :p)

To be fair, they had just returned from a press tour for their new film Sugar, the story of a Dominican baseball player’s journey to the U.S., which just received a rave from A.O. Scott, the Times’ film critic, who described it as “wise and lovely”.

“We’re shells of our old selves,” they explained.

I should explain that when I say “they explained” that Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden collaborate on seemingly everything from emails to phone conversations to screenplays and motion pictures. They even signed off their emails (under their one synchronous email address) from “R/A”.

“Well, filmmaking is collaborative art,” Ryan explained.

“Yeah,” Anna offered up. “Think about it, you’re always working with someone else, like your director of photography to your producer to someone on set you ask for coffee.”

“So yeah, we work well collaborating.” Ryan concluded.

I asked them as very young filmmakers (graduates of NYU ’04), if they were any more inclined to do digital filmmaking or content for the web.

Ryan: “We shot Sugar on 35mm. I didn’t even know about the RED Camera beforehand, but I think film’s not dead. I think there are still going to be filmmakers out there, young or not, who choose to have that sort of grain and look to their film. But yeah, digital and film are getting very similar. I mean I did really like what Soderbergh did with Che.

Anna: “As for web stuff, I mean, yeah. We’d like to do stuff for the web. We don’t exactly, well, know how yet. But sure we’d do somethings. I think the internet could be a powerful place for films in the future, if it isn’t already now.

Following my personal predilections, I asked them whether Brooklyn was a filmie hangout  and whether they missed video stores (a question dear to my heart).

Ryan: “I don’t know. I mean I guess just all these neo-realist guys like us live out here in the boroughs. So Yong Kim, Ramin Bahrani… I think Kelly Reichardt lives somewhere around here.”

I pointed out she teaches upstate at Bard.

“Maybe she commutes.” Ryan offered.

Anna: “Well I’m from Boston-y suburbs, not Brooklyn, but I miss video stores. I guess you have Netflix now, but the suggestions feel so cold, so computer-generated. I remember moving out here and seeing a video store open and close just like that, full of great movies. I’m worried for these kids today.”

Speaking of kids today, since my 10 minutes were almost up, I figured I asked if they had anything to say to them.

Ryan’s advice was simple: “Go out there and make something.”

Anna tried to elaborate: “Tell a story and don’t be afraid to tell any story. Sure, it’s true that you should write what you know. But you should also find stories you love; you can learn about them, know them and then tell them too. Be unafraid. Be–”

But Ryan informed her that our ten minutes were up.

Collaboration, yet again.

-Nicholas Feitel, ND/NF New Voice

See Half-Nelson today at 3, and join us on Sunday at noon for Teaming Up, a discussion with the filmmakers about their process.

ND/NF: tracking the erotic meaderings of European road movie Give Me Your Hand

April 2, 2009

Summarizing the plot of film director/animator Pascal-Alex Vincent’s Give Me Your Hand (2008) tells the potential viewer both everything and nothing about this remarkable film: A pair of young, dark, brooding, fantastically handsome identical (monozygotic) twins, Antoine and Quentin, hitchhike across Europe from France to Spain to attend the funeral of the mother they never met. On the way, the two get caught up in a number picaresque side-adventures, particularly sexual encounters—individually, simultaneously, or in tandem—with other lost, seeking people-of-the-road.

Describing the film like this makes it sound like a sexual fantasy. Well, this label—like my skimpy, too-literal logline plot—is both technically accurate and qualitatively insufficient to engage the distinctive, deeply resonant experience Vincent offers. Yes, the film is incredibly sexy and erotic, from the perspective of a number of different sexual orientations, but does this mean this film is nothing more than “high-(t)art”?

With horror films, a reviewer has an easier time pointing to the crafting of mood and setting, the evocation of the uncanny, sensations of dread/fear/menace, and the visceral experience of engaging with the unknown as positive achievements by the filmmakers at a technical level: these are difficult effects to make linger with the audience beyond the boundaries of the screening. In fact, in the best cases (like Wise’s The Haunting (1963) and Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s Seance (2000)) these elements become themselves strong reasons to admire and evangelize the film. Baroque variations of plot are not the only way we love a movie.

With Give Me Your Hand (2008), Vincent perfume-composes a new genre by sifting in twin/road movie  (primary scents) with youth-on-the-run, story of siblings, and post adolescent sexual awakening (modifiers) and the erotic, uncanny, and metaphysical (blenders). You don’t worry too much about the existence of ghosts in the real world when watching a ghost story: you think about what makes ghosts tick in this context. Likewise, you don’t doubt that Antoine and Quentin’s journey will continue to become stranger and stranger, and the probability for sexual activity with strangers is at least a bit higher than it might be in the real world. (Though, I’ll admit that part of the fun of the film is wondering if the glances the film reveals of characters gazing at/desire the leads might not spill over into the real world for two such attractive real-world rarest-of-rare monozygotic males.)

What Vincent gains access to with all of this visceral, juices-churning irreality is the creative potential space to imagine his way into compelling questions about brothers and twins that I haven’t seen elsewhere. Unlike something like Twins (1988), and arguably Dead Ringers (1988) (my primary notion of a twin movie before including this one), Vincent does not divide a single human personality into fractions, but instead grapples with the ineffable question confronting all of us not part of a monozygotic twin pair: what does it mean for two complete humans to resemble/share so many external elements in common, and yet also maintain their individual agency? Vincent considers ways in which their private, unspoken, almost too-intense intimacy is as frequently the cue for violent aggression for each other as it is for support and care. How will time and experience and desire effect the evolution of their relationship?

–Matthew Griffin

Buy Tickets
Sat Apr 4: 9 (FSLC)
Sun Apr 5: 4 (MoMA)

ND/NF: Houseguests from a polite hell in Mid-August Lunch

April 2, 2009

From Italian writer/director Gianni DiGregorio (perhaps best known for his screenplay adaptation of last year’s Italian mafioso film Gomorrah) comes Mid-August Lunch, a sprightly comedy (almost Shakespearean in its farcical scope) that blends the viewer’s empathy for rock-and-hard-place bad luck with a bit of charming sentimentality. This film isn’t the gritty Italy of Gomorrah, but rather the small-town communion Italy eternally drenched in summer sun.

Gianni (played by writer/director DiGregorio, a one-man movie-making placeholder in the tradition of Clint Eastwood), for all intents and purposes, is a sad-sack…. He’s behind on rent, has no outlook to pay it on time, and can’t confide his financial woes to his elderly mother, with whom he lives. He’s not without hope, though: his landlord offers to forgive him some of the back pay (and even a key to the building elevator) if Gianni wouldn’t mind putting up the landlord’s mother for a weekend while he is away. Gianni certainly agrees, but the arrangement quickly snowballs…. Not only does the landlord bring his mother, but also his elderly aunt, and all Gianni can do is grin and bear it. And that he does, even more so when his best friend leaves town…. and needs a place for his mother to stay as well.

Gianni’s goodwill and hospitality makes him a one-man host, chef, and maid…. but not without a glass of white wine for himself at the ready. The screenplay is almost aggressively insular to Gianni’s third-person point of view, and this gives the viewer an interesting warm-up to the peculiarities of his weekend houseguests. These ladies, at first humble and grandmotherly (one brings Gianni a cake as gift, wrapped in a bidet towel), soon exhibit enough orneriness to keep things interesting. They gossip, they throw tantrums, they overeat and overdrink, and do it all through the grateful smiles of prudent houseguests.

Gianni’s mother (Valeria De Franciscis), almost playfully dependent on her dutiful son, is always ready to drop some gossipy complaints about their new houseguests to him, yet is sunny and polite to the point of saccharine. (Gianni’s mother, who old age has not treated terribly well, sports a lioness bouffant of a blonde wig against a face so leather-worn and oversunned that she could easily pass as a grotesquerie out of a Cormac McCarthy novel.)

Mid-August Lunch, though, in a way feels almost too easy; the beats on which the story unfolds are cute but not complicated, and I felt that a lot of the tension in a comedy like this came as unsurprising and almost typical of the situation established. In a way, Gianni is the dope who can’t win and can’t say no (a similar comparison, although a bit out-sized, would be Ben Stiller’s character in Meet the Parents), and there’s only so much layering a character like this can have without forcing the story to sacrifice its levity. Whereas the story doesn’t exactly conform to a formula, it does carry with it the dull glint of being derivative…. yet this is a small price to pay for a film that at times is so effortlessly charming.

-Tom Treanor

Buy tickets: Fri Apr 3: 6:15 (FSLC)
Sat Apr 4: 3:45 (MoMA)

ND/NF: Not-so-charming vulnerability in Can Go Through Skin

April 1, 2009

Rifka Lodeizen in Can Go Through Skin

In the opening moments of Can Go Through Skin, the debut feature from Dutch filmmaker Esther Rots, we meet Marieke (Rifka Lodeizen), a charmingly vulnerable young urbanite, as she attempts to get some friends together for drinks in her native Amsterdam.  She’s eager for social interaction, but comfortable enough in her own skin to enjoy a solitary night of pizza, wine, and long hot bath when her plans fall through. And then, just like that – in a terrifying sequence only minutes into the film – everything changes for Marieke when the pizza deliveryman sneaks into her apartment and attacks her as she lies unawares in the tub.

The next time we see her, that vulnerability that was once so sweet has taken a paranoid edge.  Marieke moves out of Amsterdam to the country, to a fixer-upper that she doesn’t bother fixing up at all. She steadfastly avoids human contact, ignoring knocks at the door, hardly bathing, and screaming at friendly neighbors to go away.  Rots uses a jittery handheld camera to put us firmly in Marieke’s shoes – we spend so much time alone with her, hiding in her barren cottage, that we’re as startled and wary as she is when another person enters into her world.

As the film traces Marieke’s slow, tentative return to normalcy, I couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated with her insistent paranoia and Rots’ overemphasis on the mundane.  But I do give the director much credit for taking the film in interesting directions and giving it a loose, ambling vibe you wouldn’t expect from a film about a sexual assault victim.

In fact, the film I’d most compare it to is one with a very different heroine, Lynne Ramsey’s Morvern Callar, which also employs striking camerawork and occasionally transcendent use of pop music to create an intimate, nonjudgmental portrait of a woman working her way through a serious trauma.  While Can Go Through Skin doesn’t reach the heights of Ramsey’s film, it’s still worth seeing and distinguishes Rots as a filmmaker to watch for in the future.

-Tim Young

Tim Young also writes for I Heard Different.

Buy tickets: Fri Apr 3: 9 (MoMA)
Sat Apr 4: 4 (FSLC)

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Were Street, Brighton, Melbourne

Private room with ensuite

3 Bedrooms

3 Beds

3 Bathrooms

3 Baths

2 Flatmates

2 Flatmates

Room details

Room TypePrivate room
Length of StayFlexible
GenderFemales & males (no couples)

Charges for the room

Weekly rent$280
Bond2 weeks rent
BillsSome included in rent
InternetIncluded in rent
ParkingOn street parking

40yrs+ welcome
Spacious Unit by the Bay Share with mature, professional woman, and 54 yr old guy (flatmate) who works locally in real estate. Lovely furnished room with double bed, side table, desk and good sized wardrobe. Quality bedding and towels are supplied. Your room is at the front of the unit, with a clean, spotless powder room right next to your room. You share a large spotless tiled bathroom with bath, shower, and toilet (shared with one housemate), I have my own ensuite. Open plan living and dining. Nice, private courtyard, bright fully equipped kitchen complete with dishwasher, gas cook-top, electric St George oven, microwave, and pantry. Separate laundry equipped with Bosh Washer and Dryer, air conditioning and ducted heating. Large TV in the lounge room. A leafy, safe and secure street with plenty of on street parking. Short walk to the beach, train and buses. There is a house cat, so you must like cats :) This unit is in a gorgeous spot, smack bang on Were Street, Brighton. Cafes, supermarket, public transport all very close by and the best shopping and restaurants to be found, in nearby Church and Bay Streets. If your characteristics include friendly, tidy, honest and professional, you just might be the housemate we are looking for. I respect others privacy, but happy to relax now and then, and have a chat and a glass of wine or meal together. About me: I am a busy professional woman, working locally.I love to keep fit with plenty of walking and enjoy painting, cooking and catching up with friends and the local cafe scene.

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Nearest Supermarkets

FoodWorks BrightonClose by
Leaf MarketClose by
Devola's of Brighton8 min walk
Iga Friendly15 min walk
Dendy Village Cellars15 min walk
Fresh Connection16 min walk
Safeway Middle Brighton21 min walk
Woolworths Middle Brighton21 min walk
Woolworths Hampton21 min walk
Hampton Market22 min walk
The Source Bulk Foods Hampton23 min walk
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Nearest Cafés and Restaurants

BalmainsClose by
Olie & AriClose by
Brighton Were Street Fish SupplyClose by
Cafe Lala7 min walk
Trishes Lunch Stop8 min walk
Bit Of Both Bakery8 min walk
Soul Press8 min walk
Phillippa's8 min walk
Citron Cafe8 min walk
Domeo's Pizza8 min walk
Swish Fish8 min walk
Red Rooster Hampton8 min walk
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Nearest Bus Stops

Were St/Roslyn St 3 min walk
South Rd/Roslyn St 5 min walk
St Leonards Uniting Church/New St 7 min walk
Xavier Prep School/New St 8 min walk
Were St/New St 8 min walk
South Rd/New St 8 min walk
Peacock St/Roslyn St 9 min walk
Hampton St/South Rd 9 min walk
Gordon St/New St 11 min walk
Whyte St/Dendy St 11 min walk
Dendy St/Church St 11 min walk
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Hunsford Avenue, Notting Hill, Melbourne

Private room with shared bathroom

Share house

Share house

3 Bedrooms

3 Beds

1 Bathrooms

1 Baths

3 Flatmates

3 Flatmates

Room details

Room TypePrivate room
BathroomShared bathroom
Length of StayFlexible
GenderAnyone welcome

Charges for the room

Weekly rent$220
BondOne weeks rent
BillsIncluded in rent
InternetUnlimited included in rent
ParkingOff street parking

Students accepted
LGBT+ friendly
House is located in a quiet area. Close to Monash Uni 20 mins walk. Brandon park shopping centre 20 mins walk and close to Monash freeway. Looking for singles student or professional. Must be clean and tidy and quite. Rent includes unlimited internet and bills with in reason. Ducted heating to each room and very clean kitchen. Washing machine is available for washing clothes. Please email me if you are interested.

I'm easy to get along friendly person. I work during the days 6 days a week.
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View other listings in Maroubra, Sydney.

Maroubra Road, Maroubra, Sydney

Private room with ensuite

2 Bedrooms

2 Beds

2 Bathrooms

2 Baths

1 Flatmates

1 Flatmates

Room details

Room TypePrivate room
FurnishingFlexible with furnishings
Length of StayMinimum 3 months
GenderAnyone welcome

Charges for the room

Weekly rent$400
Bond2 weeks rent
BillsNot included in rent
InternetUnlimited included in rent
ParkingOff street parking

Students accepted
Smokers accepted
Retirees welcome
LGBT+ friendly
40yrs+ welcome
Backpackers welcome
Large bedroom with own en suite and built ins available to share with mid 30s professional male. Penthouse apartment. Storage. Undercover car space. Large and spacious living areas. City views. Close to public transport, shops and food. Unlimited Wifi, Foxtel, large screen Tv, all kitchen equipment, dishwasher and washing machine and dryer. Split level apartment gives the feeling of privacy ability to have time to yourself. You'll love the convenience of being close to the beach, transport, Uni (if you're a student), gyms and shops. Couples considered on a case by case basis and rent will be $500 per week.

Mid 30's advertising professional, works business hours in the city. Active lifestyle, easy going and totally cool. I am sure if you are the same, you
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text:
30 Days in Rome: Day 3

We have gotten into a habit of sleeping late in the mornings. I’m not sure this is a great thing, but we are on vacation after all! We had a lazy start to our day, again lounging in the park, drawing and reading. Fletcher even played a little fiddle music for us.

After lunch, Raymond returned from class and in the afternoon we headed into the city center for a visit to the Spanish Steps (if you are wondering, there are 136 steps – we climbed up and counted – and the steps were commissioned by the French, not the Spanish) and the Trevi Fountain. Trevi Fountain is under restoration right now, drained of water and covered in scaffolding. If this were my only chance to see the fountain, I’m sure I would have been disappointed by the sight. Fortunately for us, however, we have been here before so we actually found the scene today very interesting. A bridge has been built over the fountain so that during the restoration process you can walk across the middle of the fountain and see things much more closely than you would ordinarily. There is still a spot where you can toss your coin into the fountain, ensuring your return to bella Roma some day.

We headed back to Prati for dinner at our favorite neighborhood pizza place, followed by gelato and a leisurely stroll up to St. Peter’s Square. Evening is the best time of day here. It was wonderful to watch the kids soak in the expanse of the square, the details of the facade of St. Peter’s and the enclosing hug of the colonnade arms. Raymond gave them a mini art history lesson and showed them how if you stand at just the right spot in the square, all the columns of the colonnade line up perfectly – but when you move from that spot you can see that the colonnade is actually four columns deep. He showed them the marks that indicate which pope commissioned the building, and we talked about Pope Francis and Pope Benedict XIV. He is an amazing man, my husband, and every place we go becomes more magical because of the stories he shares that bring it to life.

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All questions

A question about a recipe: Ricotta and Plum Tartlets

496269c0 a82b 4179 b20c a62730bf94c9  food52 07 25 11 49

Could I make this as one big tart in a tart pan?

asked by Jestei over 5 years ago
1 answer 1052 views
72b8c92f c97c 49cf 8fc2 4b08462521f6  me
added over 5 years ago

I don't see why you couldn't

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Earl-Grey and Date Teacake with a Citrus Glaze

By • July 2, 2013 2 Comments

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Author Notes: This cake is based on a foolproof recipe for a glazed lemon cake I have been baking for years, from the You Asked for It feature in the late, great Gourmet Magazine (as Lemon Bread Billie Holliday's Lantern Glow). I wanted to also try to replicate a wonderful, simple nut cake my great aunt used to make; she was our surrogate grandmother and was the matriarch of the extended family. I was unfortunately too young to know to ask for that treasured recipe, so I turned to the lemon bread poundcake recipe for the basic recipe, adding dates, dried apricots and coconut, citrus zest and an Earl-Grey tea-infused glaze.creamtea

Makes one loaf cake, 4-1/2 x 8-1/2inches

For Glaze:

  • 2 tablespoons fresh Meyer lemon juice
  • 1/4 cup Earl (or Lady) Grey tea from the pot you have brewed (see below)
  • 1-2 strips of zest from a Clementine
  • 1/4 cup sugar

For the cake

  • 1/2 cup walnut halves
  • 1-1/4 cups boiling water
  • 1 Earl Grey (or Lady Grey) teabag
  • 1/2 cup Medjool dates, chopped
  • 1/3 cup dried California apricots, chopped
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil spread
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 3 large eggs, at room temperature
  • 1-1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (sifted before measuring), plus 2 tablespoons flour to coat the walnuts
  • 1 teaspoon double-acting baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup coconut milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon each grated clementine and Meyer lemon zest
  • 1/3 cup flaked coconut
  1. Brew tea; then combine 1/4 cup tea with all ingredients for glaze in a small, nonreactive saucepan. Stir to combine, then place over a medium-low flame and bring just to a simmer. Turn heat to low and simmer briefly until thickened, 3-4 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside. Pour remaining tea over apricots and dates; steep 15 minutes, drain. Blot with paper towel.
  2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  3. Chop Walnuts coarsely. Toss walnuts with 2 tablespoons of flour. Place in a mesh strainer to shake out excess flour and set aside while you prepare cake batter.
  4. Combine the 1-1/2 cup flour with the baking powder and salt, and sift onto a piece of wax paper.
  5. In a large mixing bowl with an electric hand-mixer beat the coconut oil spread with the sugar and beat until creamy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.
  6. Alternately add the flour and the coconut milk in three additions to the egg mixture, beginning and ending with the flour and beating until just combined. Periodically scrape down sides of bowl with a rubber or silicone scraper.
  7. Stir in the grated zests and vanilla by hand until incorporated, then stir in the nuts, dried fruit and coconut. Scrape into greased and floured 4-1/2 x 8-1/2 inch loaf pan, jiggle pan or rap it lightly on the counter to eliminate air pockets. Run a small sharp blade lengthwise down the middle to create a seam.
  8. Place pan in center of oven, and bake 40 minutes or until tester comes out with a few moist crumbs adhering. Remove to a cooling rack and quickly pierce all over top with a bamboo skewer or toothpick. Swirl the cooled glaze to recombine, and pour or spoon it all over the top of the hot cake. Allow cake to cool on the rack in the pan for 10 minutes.
  9. Run a thin sharp blade all around the cake to separate from the pan, then carefully invert on the rack. Quickly flip it right-side up to cool completely.
  10. Serve in thin slices with hot or iced tea. It is even better the next day, when the flavors will have mellowed.

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Arkansas Family Council Must Remove Racist Ad

Target: President of Arkansas Family Council, Jerry Cox

Goal: Demand that Arkansas Family Council remove racist anti-medical marijuana ad.

Arkansas Family Council is currently running a racist anti-medical marijuana ad depicting the one African American in the ad as a criminal drug dealer behind a table full of guns. Issue 5, which would grant prescribed patients safe access to medical marijuana and permit the creation of licensed dispensaries, is on the Arkansas state ballot this November. Please sign this petition and demand that Arkansas Family Council remove their racist, biased, and factually unfounded ad.

Arkansas Family Council is part of a nationwide network of State Family Policy Councils promoting, protecting, and strengthening “traditional family values.” Their conservative platform rests upon the staples: pro-life, pro-marriage between a man and a woman, and pro-family. According to the Council’s Policy Brief posted on their website, they are opposing the initiative because “marijuana damages the lives of youth and adults every day. Marijuana use can tear apart families and pose a threat to thriving cities.”

The Council’s President, Jerry Cox, is on a mission to crush the initiative stating, “our plan to defeat this marijuana measure is simple: we’re launching a grassroots campaign that will take flyers and information to churches and individuals on the local community level and we’re buying television airtime.” The purchased television ad uses arguments like, “The grass growers and dope dealers will be in charge” while depicting the only African American in the ad weighing out marijuana amongst a variety of guns. The ad also states, “Arkansas doesn’t need a state filled with stoned-out zombies or the criminal activities that come from legalizing controlled substances.”

Despite the ad’s lack of information or facts, it is legal and unfortunately acceptable to air biased opinion wrapped up as the truth. However, portraying an African American male as a stereotypical gangster and drug dealer complete with guns is unethical and misleading to voters. Please sign this petition to demand that Arkansas Family Council remove their racist ad opposing Issue 5.

Dear Mr. Cox,

The recent ad by Arkansas Family Council in opposition to the state’s medical marijuana initiative is racist against African American men and must be taken off the air. Issue 5, which would provide safe access to medical marijuana for patients with a prescription for health conditions like cancer, glaucoma, Hepatitis C, HIV/AIDs, Alzheimer’s disease, and several other conditions, is about pain management, not “dope dealers” as depicted in your ad. It is unfair, biased, and racist for the ad to only feature one African American, and for that African American man to be depicted as a drug dealing gangster, complete with guns and a seedy basement background.

This misleading and uninformed portrayal of African American culture and medical marijuana community is propaganda. You are doing a disservice to Arkansas voters as well as your Arkansas Family Council by running such a slanderous and false ad. If you believe in your cause and feel strongly about opposing medical marijuana, fight the initiative with facts, expert opinion, testimonials, and other tangible evidence on which the argument can stand. Do not stoop to insults, degradation, and stereotyping a race, culture, and community to scare voters into voting your way.

According to your website, Arkansas Family Council provides a “biblical perspective” on legislative issues in Arkansas. I think you should revisit the core purpose of your mission and ask yourself if you are carrying out that mission with the biblical perspective to which you claim to be adhering.

[Your Name Here]

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One Comment

  1. Douglas Nicol says:

    I am sure Mr Cox really believe that if you even talk about legalization of cannabis for any reason the marijuana bogey man will come in your room when you are sleeping and touch your privet part. This man is a night mare and need to be put on public display. So our children can see what a real low level fool look like

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CST CU08 Behemoth Rear Tire 27X11R14

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CST CU08 Behemoth Rear Tire

  • The Behemoth utility ATV tire features an aggressive tread pattern for hard-hitting grip while accelerating and massive shoulder treads for predictability in ruts. The Behemoths radial construction guarantees lower rolling resistance in hardpack conditions and provides confidence at high speeds on the trail, confidence in the deep mud, and confidence that you can make it out of the backwoods. The Behemoth is 8-ply rated to handle heavy loads, and is extremely durable when you find yourself in the nastiest of conditions. Unleash the full potential of your Side x Side or ATV with the new Behemoth tire from CST.
  • Aggressive tread pattern designed to conquer any trail in the woods or desert
  • Radial tire construction that provides exceptional stability, lowers rolling resistance, and provides an added sense of confidence at high speeds
  • 8-ply rated construction ensures durability and reliability no matter the terrain condition
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Metzeler ME 888 Marathon Ultra Rear Tire MU85B16 77H

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Metzeler ME 888 Marathon Ultra Rear Tire

The new Metzeler ME 888 or Triple 8 tires represent a new Ultra High Mileage offering from Metzeler that couples long life with Metzeler's performance and handling. Expect the ME 888 Tire to be rolled out in a myriad of sizes for families of bikes over its lifespan.

  • Bias-belted cross-ply carcass construction for ultra high mileage coupled with Metzeler performance and handling
  • Tire compounds offer better abrasion resistance and an improved grip on wet surfaces
  • Tread design with variable inclination in the grooves walls improves wear regularity and provides increased mileage and performance consistency
  • Tread gives increased mileage and better water drainage over the Metzeler ME880 cruiser tires
  • Profile features a wider and shorter footprint area for reduced wear and increased mileage and stability
  • Contact patch is 5% shorter and 15% wider than the Metzeler ME880 tires for better transfers of engine torque to the ground
  • Profile and geometry prevents overheating and keeps structure and compounds properties unaltered for performance consistency
  • Developed in Germany for the roads of America
  • Specifically designed for custom touring motorcycles
  • Technology offering consistent performance throughout the tire's life
  • Outstanding high and low speed stability and smooth handling
  • This motorcycle tire is tubeless
  • These cruiser motorcycle tires are H rated for speeds up to 130 mph
  • Tire size 160/70B-17 is V rated for speeds up to 149 mph.
  • Note: Alpha sizes provide higher load capacity and increased mileage over their corresponding metric sizes (MH90 is 80/90, MT90 is 130/90, MU85 is 140/90)
  • Note: Tire size 180/60R-16 is a radial cruiser tire
  • Tire sizes 130/90B-16, 140/90B-16, 150/80B-16, 180/65B-16, 160/70B-17 are reinforced.


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Moose Linkage Bearing Kit

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  • Constructed from OEM-quality components at a fraction of the cost
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Marker 6

Interpretive Marker 6 – Big Guns

Certainly the most popular attraction at Fort Taylor is the display of big guns in the North Curtain.  All of these guns are original Fort Taylor artillery pieces from the Civil War.  They represent some of the almost 200 artillery pieces used either in the Fort or in adjacent shore batteries on the island.  The display includes 8-inch Model 1844 Columbiad smoothbore cannons, 10-inch Model 1858 Columbiad smoothbore cannons, 10-inch Model 1861 Rodman Columbiad smoothbore cannons, and the mighty 300-pound Model 1861 Parrott Rifle.  The 8-inch Columbiads were the first weapons deployed to the Fort followed by the 10-inch Columbiads.  An additional weapon, the 8-inch Model 1840 Sea Coast Mortar pictured on the bottom right of the marker, is currently displayed in the Sally Port.  Future additions are planned for the Big Guns outdoor display area.

Marker 6Early in the Civil War, the Army added a number of 10-inch Rodmans to the Fort’s complement.  Toward the end of hostilities, the 300-pound, 100-pound, and 30-pound Parrott Rifles were brought into Key West.  While none of the 30- or 100-pound tubes have been found, they were definitely on the gun list for the Fort.  Also, significant amounts of ammunition for both size weapons were uncovered in the excavations in the early 1970’s.  The largest guns installed in the Fort were several 15-inch Model 1861 Rodman Columbiads.  Although none have been found so far within the Fort, the presence of a ready stack of 11 of 15-inch balls as you enter the Fort proves that they are here.

One of the true treasures in the Big Guns display area is the casemate-mounted 10-inch Rodman in Room 43.  While the chassis and carriage are replicas made of modern steel to Civil War dimensions, the gun tube is authentic.  The replica chassis and carriage were designed by Howard England using measurements he made from original Civil War equipment found at Fort Taylor.  Closer examination of the gun mount gives an idea of the scale of the coastal artillery employed at Fort Taylor and many other fortifications in the United States.

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50W Car Amp

Discussion in 'General Electronics Chat' started by Overclocked2300, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. Overclocked2300

    Thread Starter Senior Member

    Apr 24, 2005
    Alright well I have this 50W amp from a friend. 2 Channels use for cars (by the way it looks). I have sufficant power (12V using a ATX 300W PSU), but if I turn up the volume on the input up to much it cuts out, but the amp has been running for a while. It does the same thing if I turn up the balance too much to one channel (but Im only using 1 Channel)

    The amp heats up pretty good no matter what the load. I assume to make it stop from cutting out is to cool it a bit. It just uses passive cooling.

    It also isnt stable at time (I get static, poping..etc) I assume this is because of thermal run away. When the amp is cool or starting up its fine.

    So is the answer to cool it off with a fan?
  2. mozikluv

    AAC Fanatic!

    Jan 22, 2004

    i can't definitely say a cooling fan is the answer, but give it a try first, if it does not cut out,, then heat was just the problem. if it still cuts out something else is wrong.

  3. NickC84

    New Member

    Sep 13, 2005
    The AMP cuts out or the Sound cuts out? If the AMP cuts out it's thermal protection kicking in and yeah its getting too hot. If the sound cuts out then its clipping. Either way a 50W amp shoulden't get really hot, I think your pushing it way to hard either way. Back off it a bit if you want the amp to last.
  4. Overclocked2300

    Thread Starter Senior Member

    Apr 24, 2005
    The fan worked. It runs fine now. I didnt have a good ground, but I think the thermal protection came into play too.


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Classe ssp 25 & Classe ca-150 vs. Nu Vista M3

Which would you prefer? I might have the chance to get a musical fidelity nu vista m3. I could always get another ca-150 and run them bridged also. I'm not unhappy with the classe but if the nu vista is going to be better...
current speakers are paradigm studio 20's
I listen to everything from rock to techno to female vocals to beethoven.
As long as the MF was made in the UK, I think it will be a big step up in sound quality. I had an SSP-25. It was OK for movies but nothing special for music.
I owned the Nu Vista M3 for a short time and was very disappointed in the sound quality. I quickly sold it for a loss. Never again will I own MF gear. Same goes for Simaudio.
I always idolized the M3 MF gear but when I owned a 308 integrated I didn't like the sound at all. Even though I had the negative experience I would still be curious if an M3 came around at the right price, just to see if it was substantantially different. I doubt one will come along at a good price so this is purely imagineary.
B_Limo, if you're "not unhappy" with Classé, a CP-60 or CP-50 will be a big step up from the SSP-25 on music.
Thanks Gbart! I'll look into that. Tonight I'm just enjoying my new Musical Fidelity A3 cd player. Very enjoyable difference from my denon dvd-2900 :-) As a matter of fact I'm not bummed at all that my dac is out getting serviced right now. Ahhh, audio bliss!


text:
rolling output tubes

I have a pair of Melody M880 monoblocks in my 2nd system. They use KT88s and have a bias adjustment pot for each KT88. Can I use EL34s or other output tubes instead?

Do output tubes and transformers have to be "matched"? A dealer once told me that transformers designed for KT88s will not achieve EL34's potential. But I thought he tried to sell me another amp. LOL...

This is for my 2nd system and is in a smaller room 12X11. The speakers are 90dB. I want something a bit euphonic from this system but not too much. What other output tubes should I try?

The suggested bias for KT88s is 50mA. But I found it sounded the best between 40-45mA, depending on the tubes used. So if I move to other tubes, what bias level should I start with?

Thanks a lot.
Shuguang KT88-98.What about rolling input/driver tubes? Taking the bias up will sweeten,down more SS-like.Experiment with your biasing first.
Sometimes, sometimes not (bias capability aside.) If you don't have a manual, or you do but that issue isn't THOROUGHLY covered, you MUST contact the manufacturer. Otherwise you're taking (unnecessary) chances ;-)
I have rolled the input and driver tubes already. The stock tubes are probably Shuguang KT88s. I am using cryo'ed Gold Lion KT88s and they do sound better than the stock tubes.

I found that it sounds more SS like if I increase the biases. Is this common? With higher biases, they sound more aggressive, extended, etc....

The manufacturer is not responsive. I had asked a few questions through their importer, but got no answer.
Tried the other directio,lowering.Shuguang makes several kt-88s,thus my sugestion for 88-98s.
I thought your question was about the possibility of substituting EL-34's for the KT-88's.
Yes, my question is about substituting EL34s for KT88s. Thanks.
Vett, the web-site below may be helpful. Also 6 Moons audio reviewer of Melody 880 states that the KT88 M880 is on equal turf for harmonic richness with EL34 amps.
Vett93: YES- Sometimes a manual will include a range, rather than one specific setting for your bias adjustment(ie: Cary SLM-100= 150 to 175 mA). The upper limits of that range will yield a more dynamic presentation, and sometimes sibilance or glare can result also(more Solid State-ish). Of course- the other direction takes one into the "more relaxed presentation" zone. Hopefully: Somewhere in the middle- one will find transparency, with the right tubes/equipment.
the problem isn't the tubes it's the amplifier. melody products are very unromantic. they are typical of the modern tube design, not the classic or vintage tube design. i doubt you will be able to extract much warmth from that amp.


text:
Upgrade from Krell KMA 160's to FPB 450's-?

Will there be a significant difference between these two pairs of mono's? I run a Krell KRC-HR pre amp and a pair of Klipsch KLH30's. Also concerned about future repair cost on the KMA's. Opinions from those who have heard both please. Thanks
Don't know what you ended up doing but I would be interested in purchasing your KMA monos if they are available. Thanks


text:
AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > baka ni-chan

Conversation Between baka ni-chan and The Chaos
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 111
  1. The Chaos
    2008-10-31 09:12
    The Chaos
    I Stopped Reading at chap 42
    But I'm keep watching the anime
  2. baka ni-chan
    2008-10-29 07:45
    baka ni-chan
    Yah better but not like a manga -_____-
  3. The Chaos
    2008-10-25 10:49
    The Chaos
    Vampire knight S2 is Really Better than S1 in animation and Story
  4. baka ni-chan
    2008-10-25 10:44
    baka ni-chan
    Yah right I hope It"s not well be like vimper knight I just hoooope T^T
    It"s great manga any way ~
    "people can do a shoujo anime _-_??"
  5. The Chaos
    2008-10-25 10:42
    The Chaos
    well you have to just begin
  6. baka ni-chan
    2008-10-25 10:41
    baka ni-chan
    The mange is great but anime -________-
  7. The Chaos
    2008-10-25 06:22
    The Chaos
    you Should read the manga more than Awesome
  8. baka ni-chan
    2008-10-25 02:20
    baka ni-chan
    haha .. cute ava
    I just thing skip best It"s find ^_* .. BUT NOT Like what I imagin
  9. The Chaos
    2008-10-02 11:50
    The Chaos
    I think The Cat is Funny when he Drinking XD

    I Can't wait to See The Next ep
  10. baka ni-chan
    2008-10-02 11:05
    baka ni-chan
    Yah !! cool anime XDDDD
    I love mis cat XP , The girl It"s cute but Voice It"s not like what I thing ..So whet to new ep ~

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ADOBE AFTER EFFECTS: Forum Expressions Tutorials Creative Cloud

RAM Preview Audio Not Playing

COW Forums : Adobe After Effects

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Nolan Beguhl
RAM Preview Audio Not Playing
on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:09:55 pm

I feel like there's some sort of easy solution to this, but I cannot play my audio in RAM preview. I can play only the audio, but not the audio and video together. My audio is not MP3 format, it's AIFF, so I doubt that's the issue.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

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Kevin Camp
Re: RAM Preview Audio Not Playing
on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:11:46 pm

in composition>preview make sure that audio is enabled (has a check next to it).

Kevin Camp
Senior Designer

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John Mitchell
Re: RAM Preview Audio Not Playing - Solved!
on Jun 16, 2011 at 8:44:21 am

Ok - sorry to re-hash an old thread but this may come in handy for a lot of people as it seems to be a common complaint :)

I ran into this problem today - I had a pre-comp which was playing audio correctly and then in the master comp the audio was muted. The layer audio was definitely turned on and no keyframes applied. WT...?
The clue was the audio would play if I solo'd the layer. So I started turning other layers off until I found the culprit!

Because I was using the same pre-comp in a number of different cuts in the main timeline it turns out the if ANY instance of that pre-comp has a time re-map effect on it and appears in the comp and that time re-map effect includes a freeze (mine did - I haven't tested but i suspect any time-remap will have the same effect) then all the audio for any layer with that pre-comp gets muted. The solution is simple - turn of thaudio for the layer with the time re-map effect on it (after all it appears you can't use time-remapped audio in AE anyway:)

I'm not sure if this is documented anywhere but i couldn't see it in the help file - really audio should only be muted for the time remapped layer (so it is a bit of a bug) but there you go - problem solved!

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Dave LaRonde
Re: RAM Preview Audio Not Playing
on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:15:09 pm

The most likely software-related explanation: you're still on AE 10.0.
You may not have updated AE to the most recent version, AE 10.0.1 (or higher). This update fixed a lot of weird things, including the inability to use AIFF Files (!).

AE's always been able to play nice with AIFF's. Who woulda thunk it?

Dave LaRonde
Sr. Promotion Producer
KCRG-TV (ABC) Cedar Rapids, IA

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ATI Radeon HD 2400 XT 128MB

Discussion in 'iMac' started by minusten, Apr 3, 2009.

  1. minusten macrumors member

    Mar 17, 2009
    Does anyone know how the ATI Radeon HD 2400 XT with 128MB compares on performance to the shared 256MB in new Minis? Also, in iMacs with an 800mhz system bus that have 667mhz ram preinstalled, will they take (and run at full capacity) 800mhz ram?
  2. DakotaGuy macrumors 68040

    Jan 14, 2002
    South Dakota, USA
    Benchmark tests show that they perform about the same. The advantage of the 2400 is that it does not borrow from system memory, 128MB of VRAM is plenty for a 20 inch screen. Last, my iMac is running with 800mhz ram at full speed if that answers your question.

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