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Recession-hit Spain holds huge Christmas lottery

AP News
Posted: Dec 22, 2013 12:33 PM
Recession-hit Spain holds huge Christmas lottery

MADRID (AP) — Champagne corks popped around Spain on Sunday as jubilant winners celebrated scooping up prizes in the country's famed Christmas lottery, the world's richest.

One ticket-holder who slept in Sunday morning said he'd leapt up from his bed in surprise after hearing the television announce his ticket number for "El Gordo" (The Fat One) — the lottery's top prize, a cool 400,000-euro ($546,200) payoff.

Raul Clavero, 27, a mechanic living in the Madrid suburb of Leganes, then realized that four other members of his family had also bought tickets with the same winning numbers.

Millions of Spaniards had been glued to their televisions as 2.5 billion euros ($3.4 billion) in prize money was distributed in a four-hour TV show. Unlike lotteries that offer one large jackpot, Spain's yuletide drawing sprinkles a variety of winnings on thousands of ticketholders.

Tales of joy and celebration were widely broadcast on TV stations, providing Spain's struggling population a rare moment of joy after another year of a brutal financial crisis.

Before Spain's property-led economic boom imploded in 2008, ticket buyers often talked about spending their winnings on new cars, beach homes or fancy vacations. Now many Spaniards are just hoping to avoid having their homes or cars repossessed.

"We jumped out of bed and ran out," Clavero said, still looking shell-shocked two hours later. He added that he would "pay the mortgage, that's the first thing, and then just enjoy the rest."

Winning El Gordo tickets this year were sold in at least eight locations throughout the country, including Madrid, Barcelona and the northern industrial city of Modragon, where electrical appliance manufacturer Fagor Electrodomesticos filed for bankruptcy in October.

The second-best number netted winners €125,000 ($170,700) and all these tickets — worth 1.3 million euros ($1.7 million) — were sold in the town of Granadilla de Abona on the Canary Island resort of Tenerife.

The lottery had one change this year. For the first time, the tax man will claim 20 percent of winnings above 2,500 euros ($3,400), as the Spanish government strives to right an economy saddled with sky-high unemployment of 26 percent.


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How the Dow Jones industrial average fared Monday

AP News
Posted: Mar 24, 2014 5:31 PM

A sell-off in technology stocks Monday pulled the broader market lower as investors unloaded some of the biggest names in the industry. Netflix fell 7 percent and Facebook fell 5 percent. The tech-heavy Nasdaq composite index dropped 1.2 percent.

On Monday:

The Dow Jones industrial average fell 26.08 points, or 0.2 percent, to 16,276.69.

The Standard & Poor's 500 index fell 9.09 points, or 0.5 percent, to 1,857.44.

The Nasdaq composite fell 50.40 points, or 1.2 percent, to 4,226.39.

For the year so far:

The Dow is down 299.97 points, or 1.8 percent.

The S&P 500 is up 9.08 points, or 0.5 percent.

The Nasdaq is up 49.80 points, or 1.2 percent.

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Audra McDonald returns with new, personal CD

AP News
Posted: May 20, 2013 8:20 AM
Audra McDonald returns with new, personal CD

NEW YORK (AP) — If either her husband or daughter is calling, Audra McDonald knows without looking at her phone.

That's because the five-time Tony Award winner has programed the ring tone for both to be The Carpenters' hit version of "(They Long to Be) Close to You."

"It's cute, right?" the 42-year-old actress-singer asks.

It is indeed.

For more revealing things about McDonald look no further than her new CD and televised concert. Both pull back the curtain on one of the most decorated women on Broadway.

The 12-song disc called "Go Back Home" includes classics like Stephen Sondheim's "The Glamorous Life," Richard Rodgers-Oscar Hammerstein II's "Edelweiss" and "First You Dream," from the John Kander and Fred Ebb show "Steel Pier."

It also highlights younger composers such as Zina Goldrich and Marcy Heisler ("Baltimore"), Adam Gwon ("I'll Be Here") and two songs by Michael John LaChiusa ("Virtue" and "Married Love").

The CD's title — taken from the stunning Kander and Ebb song from "The Scottsboro Boys" musical — is a hint that this is McDonald's most personal album to date.

Since her last record — "Build a Bridge" in 2006 — McDonald lost her father in a plane crash, divorced and remarried, spent four seasons on TV's "Private Practice" and won her fifth Tony Award for "The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess."

All those events have influenced her choice of songs. "If you were to write a musical about my life over the past seven years, this would be the soundtrack," she says.

The song "First You Dream" makes her think of her 12-year-old daughter Zoe, "Edelweiss" of her late father and "Make Someone Happy" of her husband, fellow performer Will Swenson. The CD ends on that optimistic note. "That's what I've come to and where I am now," she says.

McDonald, who is host of "Live From Lincoln Center," has a line of concert dates until Christmas, has shot a pilot for CBS with Hope Davis and Sam Neill, and has three theater projects percolating. On Friday, her "Audra McDonald in Concert: Go Back Home" concert special airs on PBS.

The Associated Press recently sat down with the singer and longtime activist for marriage equality to find out about the new album — out Tuesday — and why she won't be listening to it.

AP: Why so long between albums?

McDonald: Life happened. And I wasn't quite ready to say anything. I was like, 'I don't want to force it. I don't want to make an album simply to make an album. I need to have something to say.'

AP: Is there a story behind "Edelweiss"?

McDonald: That's the first song I ever auditioned for anything with. I was 9 years old and my dad played it on the piano for me during my audition. It was for a dinner theater troupe in Fresno, Calif. I got in, and that started me on my theater journey. That song has always had this huge influence.

AP: Has your voice changed in these seven years?

McDonald: I think I understand my voice more than I did seven years ago. I'm much more comfortable with what my voice is than I was seven years ago. I'm not so anxious to sound like someone else. And that's always been a goal of mine: be comfortable with your own voice, your own sound.

AP: You have five Tonys. Do you hope for a sixth?

McDonald: It's still not even fathomable to me that I have one, let alone five. It does not compute. In my life, it really doesn't. Last night, I was walking upstairs after having done three loads of laundry. I came upstairs and turned a corner to another pile of laundry. There's just so much laundry in my life! Someone with five Tonys shouldn't have this much laundry! So it doesn't compute. My life is still my life.

AP: Are you surprised by how fast Americans have come around to embracing the concept of gay marriage?

McDonald: It's like I describe my labor. I was in preterm labor for three months. So when people ask how long I was in labor, I say 'Three months and six hours.' It was the world's longest labor, but when I actually went in to deliver, it happened like that. That's what this feels like — it's been this battle that's been going on for a long time. And then, all of a sudden, we're in the last six hours.

AP: Lots of people will hear this, but you won't be one of them, right?

McDonald: I can't. I can give notes during the mixing process and then after that I have to step away. I have people that I trust listen to it but I won't be able to listen to the album for years. I get too close to it. When they sent me the final cut, if I listened to it at that point I would say, 'Throw the whole thing into the trash. Let's start over.'

Follow Mark Kennedy on Twitter at


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#Ausvotes for Thrift Shop

This song is great. That Thrift Shop was recently voted number 1 on Triple J’s Hottest 100 shows how it has tapped into a collective mood. It taps into a space that a lot of people in Australia share. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis have created a pretty accurate snapshot of a generation coming into a world with no security, an unsettled future and a lot of debt. With only $20 in your pocket and an uncertain tomorrow what else are you going to do but find some kick arse clothes from the op shop and party? Revel tonight because the present is all we have. When a new day is due to bring pain, it might as well be self-inflicted. Continue reading “#Ausvotes for Thrift Shop”


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A Legal Strategy for Outperforming the Market and Safely Building Your Wealth that Fools Even the "Experts"

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Victor is a journalist, his wife Vanessa is in health care writing a thesis on how some women use sex to get what they want. One morning she tells him he's stopped listening to her, stopped trying to figure out her needs, and hasn't satisfied her for months. At a bar two hours later, a seductive married women, whom he nicknames Cappuccino, comes onto him, inviting him to play a game. She gives him a phone number missing the last digit, meets him in an abandoned house, appears in his shower while Vanessa's at work: soon he's obsessed even as Vanessa tries to regain his attention. When Cappuccino shows up with a black eye, Victor decides her abusive husband must be stopped

If you like Cappuccino, check out...


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    Chiropractor Mama Dr. Dolly and professional photographer Elisa B. share about adventures in intentional and natural parenting while living in Virginia's beautiful Blue Ridge.
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The Big D

Flying to Dallas today for a week of national board exam review and to sit for Part IV exams next weekend.  Steve will join me later in the week.  We’ll be staying with my father and step-mom, so it’ll be fun to spend my limited down time with family.

This is my first flight/out-of-state trip while pregnant.  At least I’m only in my 2nd trimester so it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.  I haven’t been out of the local area since the very beginning of January, and even though I’m going out of town to take a stressful and difficult exam, it still almost feels like a vacation.  I’m just happy to get out of Daytona for a little while.

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New levels of exhaustion

As I said last weekend, just because the football team has a bye does not mean we sit on our butts this weekend. Oh no. Instead, we drive out to our second home (Temecula, which is 50 miles north east of here) and play in a baseball tournament. First game the team is playing since it formed ealier this month. Expectations were not terribly high at least from my perspective as we always start out slow. Sure enough, two games, two losses. Good games though and SportsBoy in particular had a lot of fun in Game 2 since he played second base the whole time. He had a key sacrifice bunt and beat out an infield single. Then, his last at bat he flew out to left – and flung his helmet into the dugout. Not good. Coach pulled him aside quickly and talked with him and when the game ended he had his serious boo boo face going on. Teary eyed, lip down on his knees – just a mess. Coach has pulled him from tomorrow’s game. Told him to be there in case of injury, but to be ready to simply be a cheerleader because he lost his chance to play with that stunt. Yay coach! I asked him if throwing the helmet in anger was worth it – he said no. Ah lovely. We made our way home briefly to change and then off to the high school football field where I had to do my Board Member duties and help them close down from today’s pop warner games. It’s 9:15pm and I am so damn tired. Legs hurt from tons of walking and then dragging easy up shades. And what time is the game tomorrow? Well, thanks to losing both today we get the dreaded 8am start. 50 miles away. Team needs to arrive by 7:15. That means we will be up way too freaking early. Bleah!

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Gotze To Bayern Munich?

The transfer window is less than two months away from once again re-opening. Talk of potential signings from all around Europe has been rife throughout the closing stages of the season. But the biggest signing of the transfer window may have just yet been negotiated.

Up and coming Borussia Dortmund under Jurgen Klopp have developed a reputation as becoming one of the most exciting and attractive sides in European football, winning back to back titles in 2011 and 2012 and also becoming Champions League semi finalists this season.

A reason for their recent success is the emergence of young talent Mario Gotze, a player widely documented as being the greatest young talent in European football at the moment. The 20 year-old German has been linked with just about every top club in Europe however it seems that domestic and bitter rivals Bayern Munich may have won the battle to sign the majestic talent from Dortmund according to German publication Blid.

Activating Mario Gotze’s buy out fee, reported at £30m, Pep Guardiola has entered this transfer window in the finest way possible by making arguably the biggest deal of the window. However until the formalities of this deal is indeed confirmed by both parties then all watchful eyes can do is speculate but I guess that’s something every football fan relishes with the transfer window looming ever nearer.

Reece Ravalier (@ReeceRav)

Posted on April 22, 2013, in Editorials, Football, Sport and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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Tag Archives: attachment

ATTENTION Parents: We’ve got it all backwards.

When I saw this Facebook post had received almost a 1000 likes and over 750 shares in just over 5 hours it moved me closer to understanding why it is that many parents and children today are in so much … Continue reading

Posted in Attachment Parenting, Learning Lessons, Punishment, Relationship | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hope is gone, we drift.

Seeing this graffiti in our neighbourhood really struck me hard. Not because it is vandalism, not because whoever did it defaced another’s property but because the message it conveys is so deep and insightful and so very sad. Without probably realising it, … Continue reading

Posted in Attachment, Attachment Parenting, Defensive reaction, Relationship, Separation | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment


text:
Board Defenders achievements

Board Defenders

There are a maximum of 21 Board Defenders achievements worth 422

14 tracked gamers have this game, no one has completed it (0%)

Achievement Details

The Divine Kick in Board Defenders

The Divine Kick26

Reach combo x15 with Marie the Queen

  • Unlocked by 2 tracked gamers (14% - TSA Ratio = 2.64) 14
Do you have a question about this achievement? Please post it in the Board Defenders Forum


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Defense Grid: The Awakening achievements

Defense Grid: The Awakening

3.8 from 47 votes

There are a maximum of 87 Defense Grid: The Awakening achievements (63 without DLC) worth 1,734

1,730 tracked gamers have this game, 53 have completed it (3.06%)

Achievement Details

Tower Expert in Defense Grid: The Awakening

Tower Expert18

Build every tower and upgrade.

  • Unlocked by 523 tracked gamers (30% - TSA Ratio = 1.81) 1,732

Achievement Guide for Tower Expert

Nutter tkk
Nutter tkk
Achievement won on 17 Jun 17
TSA Score for this game: 897
Posted on 19 June 17 at 11:59
This solution has 0 positive votes and 0 negative votes. Please log in to vote.
As the description says: You need to build every tower type and bring them up to Level 3 or make them Red. This will pop the instant you complete your final upgrade.

Due to the lack of Flying enemies in many levels, you may find Missile Towers being the last built.

Tower usage Stats are shown on Stats tab your Steam Achievement page.

You may want to combine this with Full House, which requires Every tower and upgrade on a single level.
Please log in to comment on this solution.
Do you have a question about this achievement? Please post it in the Defense Grid: The Awakening Forum


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Coding 101 62 (Transcript)

Net casts you love from people you trust. This is Twit. Bandwidth for Coding 101 is provided by Cachefly at

Father Robert Ballecer: Today on Coding 101 it’s a brand new module. Folks, we’re jumping into C. Welcome to a very abrupt Coding 101. I’m Father Robert Ballecer, the Digital Jesuit and I’m joined by the man who is the Code Warrior but as of this segment is our super special guest co-host. Mr. Lou Maresca, Lou we’ve got to find a new title for you because this is going to get ridiculous.

Lou Maresca: Thanks for having me back though still.

Fr. Robert: Now we wanted to do something a little bit different because we know that a lot of our audience really enjoyed our “Do we know” segment so we did a module with Mark Smith from DEFCON who showed us how to make a steam punk our do we know clock. That’s just C programming and I talked to Lou and he said “let’s do a mini module. Let’s go ahead and give people the basics of C so that they could do programming for our do we know or a mega chip or any other device that may use standard C”. Lou is that about right? Can we give that to the folks?

Lou: Yes, what we should do is start off from the very basic beginning and try to give them just the fundamentals of what C is all about. It’s a very legacy, it’s 1 of those things that’s legendary in the programming industry and we want to make sure that they get the basics as well.

Fr. Robert: Right. Now before we jump into the module there are those who will look at a C module and say well why? I don’t understand why, there are so many other languages that have surpassed C, that have replaced C as the standard. Why would we want to give people C? To them what would you tell?

Lou: You know C is alive and well in the industry. Like you saw people are using all these different Meta devices but they’re still allowing C programming and the reason is it is just raw speed. Without the overhead of object oriented programming. It’s just raw speed. Programmers who develop in C can develop very fast and efficient code and I think it’s probably not one of those things that’s going to go away any time soon. Its standards keep getting upgraded; like for instance there are the old standards but now there are some new standards that are adding what we like to call syntactic sugar in the actual logic and in the code that allows you to kind of do things today that you couldn’t do in the original C code. So it’s still alive and well and it’s still being used by lots and lots of people in the industry.

Fr. Robert: Yes there was actually a host here in the studio who passed by the desk and he passed me this book and he said C is still the best language to learn, it strips away all that sugar as you said, strips away the framework and all the layers of abstraction and really gets you down to knowing your concepts which is what we’re going to do. But before we do that Lou why don’t we find out what’s going on in the world of programming.

Lou: Let’s do it.

Fr. Robert: This little story comes to us from Science Daily. Now we’ve known for a while that in the world of computer science especially if you’re teaching or learning it then you’re going to get a lot of assignments that look at solutions. So we just want to know if you were able to solve for the problem that they gave you. Now that’s relatively easy if the program works and if it gives you the right output that’s great and if it takes the right input that’s great. But there’s an element that’s been missing and that’s that you can’t tell from whether or not someone has the right solution if they have it. Now Lou we’ve talked about this. We talked about this with Steve Gibson, we talked about this with Smitty. This idea that there are people who can put code together but then there are people who are true programmers, who can think of unique ways to reach a solution. Ways that maybe haven’t been taught to them but that they conjured. That’s an “it” factor. You look for that when working with your employees’ right?

Lou: Definitely. We look for patterns especially in how people code for sure.

Fr. Robert: Well the researchers over at MIT say they may have figured out a way to automate that search for “it”. Now this month’s ACM – that’s association for computing machinery if you’re a CS major you probably are a member of that organization. Their conference on human factors in computing systems – well they were able to create a computing system that they call “Over Code” that takes solutions presented by students and turns them into templates and then puts them side by side so you can see where they differ. Now the interesting thing about this is that they look first at variable names, then they look at the value of variable names. So even if you don’t use the same variable names they’ll look at the procedure that they used to compute a solution and then the look at the presence of sub function. In order to test this what they did was they got 24 expert programmers and they had them look at a few 1000 homework assignments. Beginning CS homework assignments and they identified specific patterns – people who tackled the problems in different ways. What they found was that Over Code was not only able to have all the same patterns as those 24 experts but it was able to do it in a fraction of the time. The creators of Over Code have said that the differences get even more pronounced as you get into more difficult solutions, more difficult problems and more difficult assignments. Lou let me ask you this. If you had a system at your disposal that you could run against the code base, the code portfolio of anyone who might be applying for a job at Microsoft and it could tell you if they’re cookie cutter programmers or if they were programmers who showed true imagination and initiative, would that change the way that you hire?

Lou: You know I think it all depends on the type of question you’re asking. If you’re asking for a very kind of ad hoc question to somebody and they provided some kind of solution that you wanted figured out I think that would be very useful but most interviews today at least the ones I conduct are giving some common problems that people see in the industry. So they’ll come in and they’ll answer those questions and you can basically tell up front if they’re following what the text book said or if they come up with some very unique maybe even more performance solution. So if you’ve done programming for a long time you could basically tell but I think like you said if you do an ad hoc solution I think this would be really helpful to tell – did they copy this from somewhere else, did they maybe do a bunch of practicing before they came in or did they just come up with it. That would be very useful during an interview.

Fr. Robert: Lets jump into the module but first I want to go ahead and bring up this again. This isn’t just something that Leo handed to me off the cuff. This is the book that he thinks is the C bible. He said this is his 2nd copy of Kernighan and Ritchie. Wow, I actually have this but in a different color. This is sort of the C bible. If you are interested at all in programming in C pick up a copy of this. You can still find this on Amazon and use it as your reference. Let’s jump in. Lou, where do we start?

Lou: Well you held up what you need to start with. Dennis Ritchie and Ken Thomason came up with C during the Unix operating when they were developing that and then Brian however you pronounce his last name – Kernighan or Dennis Ritchie wrote down that prescription language and they produced that book. That’s still today one of the best descriptions of the language that you can find. There’s been people writing books year over year and they just never ever get even close to the description of C that they’ve done in that book. So it’s kind of the ultimate bible of C. Now there are some better, newer implantations of that, of versions of the book and some of them are out there. We’ll put them in the show notes but there are some new standards. There’s the new ISO C99 and the C11 standards that have come out in about the last 10 years for C that have improved the language quite a bit and that’s not going to be in that book that you show there. So even some of the newer editions don’t have that stuff in there so that would be kind of the place to start. Then the other thing that you have to do is you have to decide on what platform you’re going to code on because C is universal and can be going across… you can develop something in C on Linux and then be able to compile it and use the same code on Windows but there are many different what we call compilers and we’ve talked about this in the past where you have for instance Microsoft’s compiler and you also have the GCC compiler or the claim compilers or the compilers that you can use on Mac or OSX or the ones at Windows and that kind of thing. So we wanted to go in really fast and talk about the version of the compiler that you can use that you can actually use across all the different platforms. It’s pretty easy to set up.

Fr. Robert: Now let’s go over some of the basics of C. Of course it’s a compiled language so there is no interpretations here. It’s not 1 of those hybrids, it’s pure, straight, and simple compiled. You give it code and it’s going to give you a binary and an executable. It’s also a strong type of language. We don’t have dynamic variables like we would in say C Sharp. You have to declare what type of data you’re going to be putting into your variables.

Lou: Correct. It’s basically very similar to some of these upper level or higher level languages like C Sharp and Java but again when you declare its type you know exactly what size it is going to be and how much memory it needs to take at the very raw level, at the machine code level. So for instance an integer is going to take 8 bytes and that kind of thing. So when you declare something as an integer and it compiles down to the machine code you know that for sure when you put a number in there it’s going to be 8 bytes. So that’s kind of the key with C – what you have and what you statically have on the page is statically what the machine code is going to be.

Fr. Robert: Which is actually another reason to get one of these books because they will go over all the different variable types and you will see exactly how much memory each one is going to take. Remember C was developed at a time when we didn’t have the computers that we have right now. You  were actually very resource limited and even though now you could just throw a bunch of resources at any sloppy code that you want we know that it’s a better practice not to do that – to program efficiently. Now let’s go to that first part which is choosing a compiler because C does require a compiler. You can actually get a couple for free but Lou can you recommend any?

Lou: Sure. I want to correct myself too. I said integers and it’s not. It’s actually 4 bytes. Double is 8 bytes. So I wanted to make sure I corrected myself. So there’s a great one that I like to you and it’s a free one that you can use with many different IDEs today. It’s called Cygwin and Cygwin is spelled If you go there it’s a really cool package profile that lets you actually install and select the different packages that you need. So I wanted to quickly show what that looked like when you installed it. It’ll take me about 30 seconds to show it here. So if I actually pull up my development kit here and start the setup here what you’ll be able to see is this guy here. So the Cygwin is set up and what you’ll do is say I’m going to install from the internet. You’re going to pick a location that you want and just keep hitting next until it down loads it. Then the next thing you’re going to do is choose a package. There’s going to be a whole long list of packages that you can actually choose from. It’s very confusing. I’m not sure why they haven’t changed this interface for a while. But the thing that you really need most is what they call GCC or GCC Plus compiler. So what you could do up here is you can just do a quick search of GCC and then they break it down to these little levels here but we’re going to just choose DEVEL with is for develop. And in the list here you’ll see that there’s the G++ compiler and you can select to install it. I have it installed already but you want to select to install. So that’s one of the key ones. The other one is going to be “Make”; again that allows you to actually compile or run the Make command and so again down here you search for Make and it is underneath develop and the GNU version and Make Utility. You’re going to click that and it’s going to install that guy. Then lastly you’re going to want – there are 2, there’s C Make and Make so you want actually C Make and Make. So I’m going to choose C Make as well. Then once that’s done you’ll hit enter and it’ll install it. So this is actually going to install these things.

Fr. Robert: Let me ask, Bryan you’ve been taking C. I know that you’ve been taking a course right now. What compiler do they have you using?

Bryan Burnett: We’re using Visual Studio.

Fr. Robert: Alright so we’re doing it the down and dirty way and you’re doing it the hoity toity way.

Bryan: Yes, we’ve been using visual studio but then also on the side I’ve been playing with X-Code just so I’m familiar with Mac and Windows stuff.

Fr. Robert: Oh you cross platform people. No I’m sorry. Ok Lou, I digress, get back to it.

Lou: Yes, no problem. You could use any of these. Visual Studio is a great place to start if you want to do a really fast set up you go to install the desk top version of the Windows Visual Studio express and you can immediately start writing C and C++ code and it compiles easily. The problem with that though is people say that Visual Studio isn’t going to get you using the new compilers for like C because those compiler types change very often so you want to basically install something – you can install something that’s open source that’s more useful from the internet that will let you do more cross platform development and that’s where I like to use Cygwin for that but Visual Studio is a good option too.

Fr. Robert: Now we’ve got our compiler installed and there are people in the chat room who are saying oh just use Note Pad and actually I think there’s a lot of us who do. What do you like writing in?

Lou: I think for me my favorite one here I’m showing on my screen right now is right now I like to use Sub line text and what you can do is you can integrate the compiler directly in… what they call the build functionality of it and you can integrate directly into the text editor but it gives you some good text highlighting. It also gives you a little bit of code completion too so if you start to type it gives you kind of hints of what I need to type down and put in there. It gives me function names and stuff like that but there’s lots of them. There is no plus plus, there’s them, there’s Emax, there’s like you said just note pad or text pad. There’s really any you want to develop in you can develop in and then you just run a command line to actually compile it. So this is an example of a command using the C99 and ISOS spec and I can just run this and now my code is actually compiled. So I go to the directory that I have here for it and I can actually open up the file and I can see the executable that’s been created here. If I explore this directory – maybe it I spelled it right…so in the directory I see my main executable and if I run it you’ll notice that it’s got my code running in there – Hello world and it has got some math function that I wanted to demonstrate as well. So you can do it on text pad, you can just use the command line to execute or you can go directly into sub line text and I can just use this fancy control B and then down below here it will compile and run it for me right away.

Fr. Robert: Fantastic. Ok so we’ve got that. Of course you get to choose your own editor of choice but let’s give them the first program because they need to be able to create something and compile it. Show me from the start what they need, every single line.

Lou: You bet. So what’s not a program without Hello World program right? So I think the first thing we should talk about really fast is this thing at the top here. This thing is “include”.  So basically what this is is they call it a pre-processor but what it really is doing is it’s finding this header file that has a bunch of definitions in it and it’s finding that and it’s just pulling it in and copying it into your code. This is called the standard io library and what it’s allowing you to do is to pull in all the definitions, especially io – input and output for anything, for instance consoles. So it has what they call the print f function so I can put in here Hello World and I can immediately get a Hello World program out just by doing that. So now if I run - actually executable and I’ve got a Hello world at the bottom there, finished in .3 seconds. So there’s a lot of other functions obviously and there’s a lot of other properties and attributes in this header file but what’s useful for us right now is just this print definition. So 1 last line of code – 1 thing to also notate is a lot of times when you see a console app or any type of application, especially in C, the operating system is going to look for this main function and there’s just several schemas or syntax for the main function but in this case the general approach is to just use an integer return. This is an integer type or number and usually they do that for an error. If you want to return an error code to the operating system or something. And then you call main and of course the parenthesis should say hey I’m not passing anything in there right now but I could later. So I could put parameters here but for right now I’m not passing anything in it. Then I have little curly braces for the beginning and the end of that function and then the operating system immediately when I run this application will call main and then whatever functionality that’s in there in those brackets will run sequentially.

Fr. Robert: And of course we already know this from working with C Sharp with some of the other languages and that is that main section and it’s called different things in different languages but that really should be as small as possible. We don’t care right now because it is a beginner module but eventually you’re going to want all the heavy lifting done in functions that get called by main, not done in main itself.

Lou: Correct, exactly. So the example that I gave here is I wanted… C Sharp is another programming language where it’s really easy to stop the console from executing and returning so you can’t actually see what happened. So I wrote a quick function called “press enter to continue” and what that does is it actually does a duplicate while loop until you actually hit enter. So I called that from in here so now if I actually run this program it will allow me – I’ll actually run it from the directory so we can see how it works and you’ll see that right now it’ll say Hello World, press enter to continue. So I’ve called the function that is now sitting here waiting for input from me so I’m just going to hit enter and boom that exits the program. So like you said you need to break the program up into functions and into functional routines; this way it’s not as confusing and it’s not everything inside this main function here.

Fr. Robert: Right and it just makes it cleaner because if you keep just function calls inside of main then it means you know what the process of your program is. If you start writing sub functions within main it gets really, really messy and remember one of the things that we want is we want the ability for another programmer or maybe a member of your team to be able to pick up your code, see from your comments what’s going on and continue with the project. You can’t really do that if you make your code…

Lou: That’s right. C code is basically just… really all it does it is evaluates a bunch of expressions. So for you a function is an expression and basically it builds up expression trees under the covers and it’ll break down what it needs to do and it will sequentially go through those and execute those expressions that you’re expressing to the computer. So that’s really all that a function is. In this case I’m expressing say, go and call this and as you’re calling it wait for the user to do something and then when they do it then return back. So that’s really the expression I’m trying to tell the PC to do and that’s what it is doing for me.

Fr. Robert: Right. If we wanted to add a layer of complexity on that; let’s say we wanted to send the folks home with hello world plus what would you suggest they do?

Lou: So I think one of the biggest things is to understand is to break up the idea of variables, to really understand what variables do in your application. We talked about this in some of the other modules but it’s fairly the same thing in C. You want to declare a variable which is just a place holder in memory for a value. You have things like integers and characters or char as they call it in C, doubles which is also a double precision decimal, doubles is a number with a decimal place. So there are different ways of learning, learn how to declare variables, learn how to store variables, learn how to store data in those variables. Print it out to the screen, that’s really how the beginning program is – just print stuff out. In this case I have a math function that I’m doing where I’m showing the normal distribution between a number here. So basically I’m pulling in what they call the pre-processor directive at the top called math and it has a bunch of math functionality in there and I can use that to do things like evaluate an expression or do the square root of something. Another thing you can see here is I’m using a different variant of the print function. This print function allows me to use this formatter. We did this in C Sharp where you out a little character in there like curly brackets, 0 in C Sharp’s case but this is what they call just a formatter expression. You put %g and you’re saying I want to put a number or double in that location and the actual number that I want to put is this thing over here. So it makes it really easy to kind of print stuff to the screen. So try that now. Create some variables, use the print function, print it out to the screen, see how it works, learn to compile things, and learn to get the compiler errors. Like for instance if I were to take this curly bracket out at the top it’s going to say hey, wait a second, you don’t have a terminating character. You haven’t finished this character string out for me yet.

Fr. Robert: Actually we should probably talk a little about syntax there because the missing curly bracket is probably the bane of every C programmer because at some point you’re going to miss one and it won’t give you the error or what you think the error should be for that missing curly bracket. So you just have to start to recognize that. We’ve also got Dallas in the chatroom who is saying ok there’s a few things. Again remember C is very strongly typed, you need to use the right variables for the type of data that you’re pulling in otherwise you will get… it won’t work or you’ll get really, really, wrong output and everything is case sensitive so just know that. Now let’s talk about syntax. Let’s just talk about main for a second here. So of course we’ve got the declaration of main, why do you have int in front of main?

Lou: So again main is the function that operating systems will look for and in this case the normal what they call schema for that function is that it will return an error code of some type so in this case most of the time people return 0 if things are successful so I’ll put return in my function – return 0 meaning everything was great, worked great, no problems so the operating system says fantastic, this application runs successfully or you can return some kind of error code like a negative 1 or some other number and then that user says ok well it looks like I got an error code and then maybe the application defines in their help file saying error code number you know 400 means I didn’t connect correctly right. So the idea here is it’s supposed to return some kind of a code so you understand if the application ran successfully or not.

Fr. Robert: Right. Actually first we’ve got the curly brackets and I don’t know about you but when I was programming C whenever I would put in 1 curly bracket I would put in its opposite just to make sure that they would both be in there. Is that still a convention or am I just old.

Lou: No that’s exactly right and a lot of these text note pad editors… a lot of these editors today that allow you to write C code and C ++ code in them they will automatically put them in for you. So for example Sub Line then will now… some of these text editors will actually put it in there so you don’t forget.

Fr. Robert: Right. Next line down you actually put in a comment which is good because there are 2 different ways to comment in C and you’ve used 1 of them which comments out a particular line but can you show that? There we go, that’s the other one and that comments out an entire section. So it will comment out everything between the slash and the… what do they call that – the asterisk.

Lou: Right so that’s what they call multi line, multi break down of a comment and some people like to put asterisks so you know that this whole thing is like a comment so you can put asterisks all over the place. Like I said single line comment makes it useful. This is again all modern languages have these comment things – actually multi line.

Fr. Robert: Right and next line down… remember we’re aiming this at people who want to get in on C at the very beginning, the basic level, int number creates a variable, an integer variable called number and you’re assigning it the value “foo” which is interesting.

Lou: That’s right. Why I wanted to do that is because I wanted to show them what happens when you do something silly like that. So you know that foo is not a number. In this case it’s telling you wait a second this is probably not right. You’re initializing an integer with a pointer and the pointer means a string variable so if I put a character – let’s not do a string, that’s a little bit confusing for this point. Let’s just do just a character. So now what it’s going to do is it’s actually going to do compile because what I’m doing is if I actually output this number it’s going to say some garbage character. So if I actually put a number in here now. This is syntactically set number to an actual number. So if I do something else like for instance put an actual decimal point in…

Fr. Robert: Which is not an integer.

Lou: That’s right. So what this will do is it’ll actually round this number because now what you’ve done is you’ve put a decimal value or double precision pointed decimal in there and it’s saying well integers are whole numbers so they are real numbers. You can’t actually put this. So if I were to actually output this to the screen you would actually see that this is going to come out as 2. I have to actually put in this little guy here in this formatter thing. There we go. Next to it I should actually put a new line thing here so we can see it better. It actually rounded it out because it’s not actually a decimal and if I change it now to a decimal or double… g, oops, so we’re going to use a different notation rather than…called g and now we get 2.2. Do it very careful sometimes because the compiler’s not going to know what you meant. Sometimes the compiler says ok you put a number in there but you… in this case it’s not going to actually tell you that the number that you put in there has a decimal and the static data type that you’re using doesn’t allow that. So there’s some rules that you have to go and look up so that’s why I say play with the data types, play with variables so you understand some of the rules that it goes through that the compiler is not going to find.

Fr. Robert: Right and actually Bryan your earlier assignments it seemed like your professor was always trying to mess you up with data types. That was like the purpose of some of the earlier homework assignments that you showed me which is they wanted you to use the wrong type so that you would get strange output, not necessarily an error but just not what you expected.

Bryan: Yes that was definitely one of the first things that we played with. But Lou I have a quick question. Why do we have the percent I? I know the percent gives it the extra that ends the line but what’s the percent I in that print f function?

Lou: That’s a really good question. So what the percent I does is it allows me to print out the type so I can just pass in the type over here and I can print out whatever’s inside that variable. In this case it is an integer so the percent I will then allow me to print that variable. So if I want to put a whole bunch of stuff in here the number is percent I, and then what will happen at run time is that whatever is the variable here, in this case 2, will be replaced inside of there. So if I run this… I keep forgetting to put my new line in here. This is called a new line formatter. There we go. So now we see the number is 2 so I can put a whole long string, a character array there, a long string in here of whatever I want and if I wanted to put variables like for instance number, I can replace that with the variable number.

Bryan: Ok so if you’re to put a second variable in there like if you did a double and then had that in the line too so then you would just put that character name in there?

Lou: You could put a number in there and another one here also percent I and we take the new line out from here and I put the new number over here. You can pass in as many as you want so I’m going to run this now you have 2.

Bryan: Ok and it just will grab whatever the next one is.

Lou: Right. It’s a little bit more declarative in C Sharp. For instance in C Sharp you would put 0, 1 like this, and then like you would know this is the first one and the second one and that’s what will replace these but with C it is not as declarative, it just says we’ll just put them in the order that you put them in there.

Bryan: Ok so if you flipped it and you put number 2 before number then it would grab the 4 before the 2 I guess.

Lou: You’re exactly right. So it’s a little confusing but you get used to it.

Bryan: Ok, I wasn’t familiar with the percentage and then declaring the integer.

Lou: Right, another thing to note is that there are different formatters. So if I wanted to put again my decimal in here and my double number, if I wanted to put this in here I actually have to use a different formatter – this guy here and then I have to put another number and compile this. Now it replaced it but if I were to actually put this as an “I” it would yell at me.

Bryan: Ok are you just picking the g because you like the character g or is that something specific?

Lou: No these are just different formatter types. If you go look up in all the help documentation for print f in the standard input output library you’ll notice that g is for doubles and I is for integers and so you have to use the correct formatter. You’ll notice here I put a bunch of junk here and it’s probably a memory location of some type so it doesn’t really know what I’m trying to do. In this case I’ll put g and then it’ll come out correctly.

Fr. Robert: Whoa, hold on here. Bryan, are you having Lou do your homework?

Bryan: Not quite yet. If we were to do classes… that’s about where we’re at in classes.

Fr. Robert: Maybe the next module. Ok you got it. Actually Lou if we go back to your screen there another quick point – the semi colon. Every line ends with a semi colon. This is other than the curly quotes – curly brackets this is probably the 2nd most made mistake in C.

Lou: Right, make sure you always end… a lot of things a lot of people don’t know is you don’t necessarily need to finish your functions with a semi colon but definitely finish any type of variable definition or when you assign something to a variable and that kind of thing you want to finish it off. A lot of times when you’re doing like “do while loops” or loops which we’ll get into later on, you want to end them with semi colons. This way it’s kind of a terminator for that expression, I like to call it.

Fr. Robert: Right. As long as we’re in the print f line one of the things that people get confused with is – I see this a lot in beginning programmers; when they try to put special characters into the string of characters that they’re trying to print and it doesn’t work. For example, if you try to print quotation marks just by putting a quotation mark in there it’s going to kill it. You actually have to use a special character in order to make that print properly.

Lou: Right, exactly right, it might confuse what you’re trying to do. So if I keep putting single quotation marks it will actually output… it is working. Print f is actually what they call literal so that means anything that you put in there is literal unless you use these special formatters. So for instance if I want to do a new line or a tab I could put these special formatters in there and you notice it puts a tab in there but anything else I put in here is going to be the exact characters that I put in there.

Fr. Robert: Right. Let’s go down to the function column. So you created a function here called “press enter to continue” and that’s how you call it. So it’s press enter to continue, it’s not passing you any parameters but you could. You’ve got the little brackets there so that you can do it. At that point in the main the compilers going to get to that, it’s going to leave main, go up to that function and run the function. Now we get a question here every once in a while. At least I used to and that is people were wondering “can I put the functions below main, can I have main at the top and that doesn’t always work out well right Lou?

Lou: Correct. We can actually do that to see what happens. So what happens is the compiler is going to say wait a second. I have no idea what this is”. So it’s going to say here some previous decoration and it’s going to try to run it and it’s going to actually give you a warning. It’s going to say no you should probably move this because it’s conflicting stuff. So I’m going to move this. Let’s run it again.

Fr. Robert: Just remember that the compiler is looking from top to bottom and from left to right.

Lou: That’s right. So in this case it’s actually being smarter than we thought because it’s going to say I found the definition for it and the compiler says we can run that but it’s warning me saying that there is something wrong here. It’s conflicting and there’s something wrong so I’m going to move it out of the way and move it back up here. Now if I run it I don’t get any more warnings.

Fr. Robert: Right. That compiler was being smart so you’ve got a more advanced compiler that said let me look through the entire program before I stop. But the convention is to declare it before you actually use it.

Lou: Right and I was using the C89 compiler yesterday for all my examples and it will literally yell at you saying this is not defined yet. You need to find that definition for it.

Fr. Robert: Now let’s go up to the function. So you’ve declared this function at the top and you pressed enter to continue and inside of it you’ve got a couple of interesting features so of course we’ve got our brackets, make sure those are in there. In C, so you’re declaring an integer, a variable called C that can hold an integer value, you’ve got a print f which is a standard print out the screen. F flush, we haven’t seen that before.

Lou: So this is a STI – standard input, output variable. It’s basically just flushing whatever the contents is in the standard output right now; saying anything you’ve entered before, if you’ve hit an enter or escape key or anything like that just flush it out, just don’t use it right now because we want to basically get the next character that the user’s going to enter. So this is again – look up the definition for this so you can kind of understand a little bit better but it’s just getting the console ready for me to capture something from the user.

Fr. Robert: Right and that’s also just because whenever we declare a variable if you don’t assign it a value it could actually be anything. In C remember when you declare a space you, you set aside space that space could actually be filled up with random junk and you need to do something to make sure that junk isn’t interfering with your input or output.

Lou: Right:

Fr. Robert: Let’s go to that next line. You’ve got a “do”. Now this is interesting, we haven’t had do before.

Lou: This is what they call a “do while loop” and what it is saying is “do this, do get the latest character, while I determine if it’s actually 1 of these things. If it is a new line or if it is a function at all. Every time you put it in a character if I were to run this and from the actual command line here; so if I actually run this guy, if I keep entering characters in here do you notice it is not going to do anything until it actually hits that character like a new line or an enter. So if I enter violate it determines oh wait it is exactly the characters that I have in here. So these are called conditional statements and we’ll get into that a little bit later but basically it is saying these are like different way to say if it’s not equal to a new line and as well as then it’s not equal to the end of function or end of file.

Fr. Robert: Right. You could also do this with a loop and “if then” statements but this is more elegant.

Lou: Right. There’s another way of doing it where they call a while loop and there’s another one called a 4 loop. The 4 loop is just a condensed version of the while loop. So I like to use the higher level ways of doing these up front so you can kind of understand the convention it needs to cover.

Fr. Robert: Now you’ve got some conditional operators here. This is important because any time we want to do any decision making statements these will save you a lot of time or they just make it possible for you to have a solution. Explain to me exactly what conditional operators you’ve got there and what they’re doing.

Lou: Sure, for instance there are conditional operators meaning if I were to put 2 equals here it is saying that while if the C code – if the c, the very little character that we’re getting actually equals a new line then do something. In this case I want to say it is not equal to meaning it’s not actually ever going to be that. In this case it will wait until it’s actually that character. And then we have another one over here called double and. It is just saying don’t just wait for the new line but also wait for the potential as well as – and or as well as, the end of the file. So it’s saying that in order for this to be true it’s either this and this and there are other operators called “Ors” if I wanted to put an “or” operator in here where it can say is it the new line or it could be the end of file. So there’s lots of different ways to actually do this. It’s what they call – logic – to basically determine what you actually want to determine for that function. So in this case we’re using “not” equals 2 but again you can use “not” equals 2 or greater than equals 2, you can use greater than or lesser than, there are lots of different expressions here that you can put in here. Again I would try them out to see how they work and determine what their use it.

Fr. Robert: iBooker in the chat room is saying “So either argument satisfied the do while when you paired them up with an “and and no”. Actually it’s the other way around. So if we were to put an “or” there it means that either, or would satisfy that statement. In this case only both of them.

Lou: Right, exactly.

Fr. Robert: So both of them have to be true. Ok wait now hold on, now see you’re messing me up. Both of them have to be true in order for the while loop to stop.

Lou: Correct.

Fr. Robert: There…I hated this part. Ok so that’s a pretty good run down and again you’re going to have all that code. Those assets will be available to you so you don’t have to copy it off of the screen. You will have proper code that you can use inside your compiler but as Lou said, especially when you’re getting started, no matter what compiler you choose start making errors because you want to be able to interpret those error messages. One of the worst things that happens in C is when your program gets really long and you have an error and you have no idea how to interpret it. You can’t tell if it’s a missing semicolon, is it a missing bracket, did I use the wrong type. And also I think maybe the errors that bug me more than those errant semi colons are when I have output that just isn’t right but it doesn’t give me an error. Technically the program will run, it’s just not running the way I want it to. Lou, what else do they need to know before they move on to homework tonight?

Lou: I think that this is probably enough. We can get into complex stuff like pointers and arithmetic and arrays and all that stuff but again this is a good start. Make sure you try this out and get your variables in there. Use the standard output, print stuff through the screen. Maybe even capture stuff through the screen. Try to actually capture stuff. In my case I gave an example where I’m capturing the next character of the screen for this case looking for enter. So again do some stuff like that and try it out, maybe capture some text from the screen and do something with it. Maybe print out Hello world with somebodies name or something like that or build your own calculator. That’s another option. We showed you and gave you an option to do a function and you can pass in some numbers maybe try to build a function similar to this press enter but make it so you can pass some numbers to it. So I guess just build that out, just try those things out and then we’ll move on to some more complex stuff later.

Fr. Robert: Bryan do you think maybe that we could make a calculator with multiple functions that handled each type of a mathematical operation? Do you think maybe you could do that?

Bryan: Yes I think. Could we have it ready before next Thursday because I have a due date for that actually?

Fr. Robert: I make an agreement with Bryan. I said hey you know if you want to start making your homework the actual homework assignments we could do that. We could work out some sort of deal here. I don’t know if Leo will be up for it. Lou Maresca, our Code Warrior and also our super special guest co-host. We’re going to have to work on that. Thank you so very much for being with us and thank you for breaking down this knowledge. If I were to have it all to do again I probably would have made C the very first module we ever did because it is so fundamental, it is so basic and it’s really easy for people to get into. We’re going to make sure that they have the resources that you pointed out. All the websites they can download the different programs that you made available but can you please tell the folks where they can find you and your work?

Lou: Definitely. I’m @LouMM on Twitter – LouMM and of course all my work during my daily job is at

Fr. Robert: Lou Maresca, our code warrior once again Sir, we salute you. Now folks that’s it for this episode of Coding 101 but don’t worry because we’ve got plenty more coming. We do this show live every Monday at 2:30 PM Pacific time. Just go to If you drop in early you can see the pre-show and then you can stay late and watch the post show and pretty much everything that goes in between. You can see all the little bumbles and foibles that we have to take out of the finished product. Also don’t forget if you’re going to watch live you might as well jump into the chat room. You’ll see me every once in a while looking up here, right about there. That’s you, if you’re in the chat room I can see what you’re typing. If you’ve got questions I can ask our code warrior or our co-host. If you’ve got comments, if you’ve got something that you just think we need to know it’s a really good way to be part of the Twit TV experience. Also don’t forget that you can follow me on Twitter. Just go to That’s @padresj. If you follow me there you’ll find out what we’re going to be doing on every episode of Coding 101. You’ll see what we’ve got for future modules. You’ll see who we’ve got for guests and co-hosts and you’ll also find out when I’m getting steamed buns for Bryan because he loves him some steamed buns which it’s probably not good for him. I think that thing has like 5000 grams of sugar but that’s whatever. Sorry.

Bryan: You didn’t tell me that!

Fr. Robert: Sorry about that, you may need some insulin.

Bryan: I was blissfully unaware. They are so good though.

Fr. Robert: They are really good. Don’t forget that you can find all of our episodes at or Coding 101, it all goes to the same place. Not only will you find out back episodes along with links to Git Hubs and code for the assets but you’ll also find a place where you can download every episode automatically to your device of choice. If you want the audio version in your iPhone, maybe the video version in your iPad, perhaps you want the high definition version in your laptop, your desktop Mac or PC. We’ve got it all for you because we love you. Finally I want to thank everyone who makes this show possible; to Lisa and Leo for letting me take up this space. Of course to my fantastic TED Mr. Bryan Cranky Hippo Burnett. Bryan can you tell the folks where they can find you on the Twit TV network?

Bryan: Well they can find me on Thursday doing Know How with you. We always have some new project we’re working on so check that out. Then Fridays we do BYB. Occasionally I do reviews depending on how much time I have in the week. We’ve got some other cool stuff coming up but I don’t think I can talk about that.

Fr. Robert: No we can’t actually it is embargoed.

Bryan: But that’ll be cool so stick around and watch and check out that stuff and you can find me on Twitter @Cranky_Hippo.

Fr. Robert: Until next time, I’m Father Robert Ballecer the digital Jesuit. This has been Coding 101. End of line!

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しいな, also known as @000_lolol has a reasonably significant presence on Twitter and is ranked by us in the 40% percentile for account strength. Active on Twitter since June 2014, しいな made it to having a respectable 729 Twitter followers and to being ranked 16,327,835 for number of followers among all Twitter users.

Uh-oh... seems like someone has fallen asleep while on duty and is dropping in social relevance. The plot thickens when considering しいな's follower-to-following ratio, which is 1.04. This means that this account basically has the same amount of followers as it follows other accounts. It kind of makes one wonder about tactics...

Tweeting is apparently one of @000_lolol's favorite pastimes, with an average of 0 tweet(s) per day in the past 30 days. That's pretty consistent with a total of 5,814 since @000_lolol joined Twitter.

This account is tracked by us Only June 2014. As of September 26 2017 we track 281010853 Twitter accounts, so feel free to search for other accounts you're interested in and reveal their Twitter story!

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しいな Tweets

@000_lolol has posted 0 tweets in the last 21 days, which translates to an average of 0 tweets per day.

しいな Twitter Followers

@000_lolol has 729 followers on Twitter.
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Posts filed under ‘psychiatry’

Happy 4th Birthday

cakeAnother year is here. You would be four years old. I can’t believe it’s been this long and yet it still only feels like yesterday. It has been building up for days now and my anxiety and sadness is at it’s peak. My journey in grief is still only in it’s early stages. But I know your day will be nice since we will be focusing on your day as a holiday from school to be filled with thoughts of you and celebration. We will be missing daddy though as he is off in Washington, DC, fighting for your cause. It will be the first that we are not together today and I hope it will be the only time. I was reluctant to let him go, but mostly due to selfish reasons. I did not want to have to wake up and face today with the other kids alone on my hardest day of the year. I know it will be hard on daddy too, since he is so far away and alone. We don’t have each other to lean on to make it through the day. Luckily daddy’s day will be filled with you and our battle to save lives. He is lucky. He gets to be on the frontline for you. I get jealous sometimes since I have to be in the background supporting him and taking care of our family. I wish I could be up there with him talking about wonderful you and helping to prevent more deaths. But I am slowly accepting the fact that my place is taking care of your siblings and encouraging daddy to fight the good fight. Without me backing him up, could he do this?

After four years, are we any further ahead? Some days I think not. Daniel wound up in the hospital again and the pediatrician offerred him medication to help stop his vomiting so he could rehydrate. She had no plans on giving him an IV. She decided on a drug. And even though we brought up drug risks, she went and got it anyway. She could have gone quickly to the computer and googled the drug to see that it is contraindicated in children under 3 and to not give it if the patient has electrolyte imbalance such as in dehydration. Or the other warnings Health Canada has put on it. Instead she came back and gave it to him. A few people have told us we had the right to refuse the drug. And yes we did. But how do you refuse a drug that she took out of it’s package as she came to our bed and then just shoved it in his mouth? Coming home and researching the drug, we would have definitely told her no. The study on it had shown that it is no better than placebo in children and in fact caused the vomiting children in the study to get diarreah. So I have to ask myself, how do these things get on the market? And then give it to my child under 2 with a heart defect? And the answer we get from the hospital? Those warnings have to be put there but don’t really need to be followed. All our work and this happens again? At least at the end, we were told that the hospital now monitors all newborn for their first 48 hours if they were exposed to antidepressants. That sounds like progress, only we didn’t see any proof. We’ve been jerked around so much, I am reluctant to believe them. And I question them if they even ask the women coming in if they are on them. I only pray that what they said is true and they are in fact doing this. Babies can be saved and maybe they’ll begin to notice how these exposed babies are reacting. That is a right step in the right direction. But I am still waiting for our case to be taken care of. I no longer want your death swept under the rug and pretend you never happened.

So again, I face your day with sadness. I will get through it. I will enjoy it. We have so much planned today that it should be quite happy. The kids have been so excited for today. They picked your cake and balloons and plan to spend the afternoon decorating the kitchen and your wish lanterns. It will be so nice to send those off this year and I’m optimistic since it’s much warmer compared to last year. Will you be watching? WIll you be waiting for your balloons and lanterns? I wish I could begin to imagine what you would look like now and sound like. I dream of that often. As you watch us celebrate from heaven, please say a little prayer for daddy so he doesn’t feel so alone and for your siblings so they always remember you. Happy BIrthday little man. Mommy loves you so much.

February 21, 2013 at 7:23 am 2 comments

Merry Christmas little guys.

boysAnother year without you. That makes it 4 now. It is still difficult. Knowing that you won’t be here in the frenzied morning ripping open your presents like the other kids. But you are far from forgotten. You two are stil included in our Christmas. You two have your stockings, but in a special place. We have ours and the childrens on our mantel, but you boys have yours held by an angel. As much as I wish they were hung with the others, I just can’t bring myself to have two empty stockings looking sad intermingled with the other full stockings. Your angel is dutifully keeping you two prominent and we look at her often as she stands guard with those socks. She even moves around the room, and occassionally dances around the room as Daniel likes to carry her around. I like to pretend he is playing with the two of you. I guess whatever I can make up to make myself feel better is never too bad a thing. So to my two angels, Matthew and Simon; Merry Christmas! We love you so much.

December 25, 2012 at 7:11 am Leave a comment

Photo Op

We went and got ourselves family portraits. We usually just set the camera on timer and do it ourselves. But we saw some work from a young lady who takes photos for a hobby. She charges very well and the work I saw is very good. We had a great day posing by the river although it was quite cold. Being November, it was minus 5 degrees Celsius. So our photos were taken quite quickly. Amery asked Matthew for some sunshine and he delivered. I wish he would have also asked to be a freak warm day, but it was a lovely day anyway. This young lady was very patient with our brood and especially our very busy and rambunctious boy. My favorite thing about her was her willingness to include our angel boys. After I discussed our loss of Matthew and Simon, she said it was important to include them as well since they are our family too. She made time to take photos of Amery and I with our teardrop ornament with two feathers in it, one for each boy and do something special. Getting the pictures done, I was moved by her kindness. She is young, but very empathic. I received the discs with the pictures and when I saw the photos, I was moved to tears. Here we have a photo to add to our wall of our angel boys.

It only takes a moment to make grieving parents feel some joy. And she took a few moments. We let the kids go to the van with daddy to warm up and she sat in the cold with me and listen to me talk about our boys. She said she was happy to find a way to incorporate them in our photos and was sorry we couldn’t have them in the photo with us. She said she would do something with the pictures and try to make them special. She also said that our boys are always going to be a part of our family and to not worry about talking about them in front of her. It was an amazing gift from a young lady I just met. Whenever I see her, I always smile. She goes out of her way to greet me and my children. Whatever her parents did while she was growing up, they did a good job. I’m sure they are very proud of her. I hope she continues with her passion and to touch other people. Who knows, maybe she’ll take the information I gave her on looking into the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep program and help other grieving families. Her kindness proves she would be really great at it. If only there were more adults as mature as this young lady.

November 26, 2012 at 6:15 am Leave a comment

WIll It Matter?

Will it ever end? The damage these drugs leave in their wake seems to pop up everywhere. I see it on the news and with new people I meet that tell me how it has affected them. I see it with myself and my boys. For me it’s still, 3 years after I got off of them, sleeping. The jerks or muscle crawling. The dreams. For my boys, it’s sleep walking and night terrors.
And Jacob. My poor Jacob. It has affected him the worst of my living boys. He has learning disablilities and dyslexia. His atonomic nervous system has been affected. The specialists at BC Children’s Hospital agree it’s his autonomic system, but unfortuately they can’t pinpoint exactly as they are not sure how to look since it involves the brain. They could probably tell us through an exam of his brain at autopsy. I for one, don’t want that option at all. His fight or flight is at extremes and we are never quite certain just how he will react. We have to be paying attention at all times so he doesn’t hurt himself or others. It’s quite a job to calm him down as he doesn’t have the capacity to calm himself. He just lives un utter fear or fight for his life, sometimes even over little things. It’s so hard as his mother to watch him like this because he wants to control it and he can’t. I can see the fear and begging in his eyes to help him make it stop. And then afterwards, if he can remember, he feels downright awful. Not the life I anticipated for my little guy.
And his digestive system. That is also something that seretonin affects. And my poor boys digestive system is an issue all its own. He cannot feel his bowels. That means he doesn’t know if he has to use the bathroom. And when he sits to try, doesn’t know how to use the muscles it takes to push since he can’t feel the contractions. Oh, he pees just fine and even stays dry at night for some time. But he can’t tell if he needs to have a movement. The doctors at BCCH have given us a regiment of PEG and practice. Give him the PEG to keep his stool soft and go on the potty after mealtimes to get in the habit of using the toilet. They anticipated that with a strict regiment, his bowel would shrink and he would learn to feel again and successfully use the toilet in a year. Here we are a year and a half later of the strict regime and still no where closer. Actually, I think he’s worse, as he hasn’t pooped in a week. Something so simple that we take for granted and probably never think about it unless it’s a problem, has been a problem for his whole life. I can’t help but hurt for my boy over a natural, automatic system, that he doesn’t have. So unfair.
So off to the hospital in Kamloops he goes. They are going to put a tube in his nose, down to his intestines and pump him full of fluids and PEG to get the poop out. His colon should only be 3cm wide and he’s at 7cm at last XRay. The doctors hope, is that they clean him out at the hospital so that his bowels are empty, and shrunk back down to 3cm. Then we continue our regiment, that shrunk back to normal size, his body will eventually learn to ‘feel’ when something enters the bowel and he will go on his own. After 7 years of this, I am not particularily optimistic. I have asked for help for so long and only recieved it after Matthew’s death. I am glad that Matthew left behind some clues to help his big brother. But until we find some medical professionals who actually believe these drugs are bad and could really be the culprit in his issues, we are up said creek without a paddle.
A new mission begins, and begins for Jacob. Finding a way for his body to work properly to some extent and getting the message out that these drugs affect the unborn in different ways. They will have long term damage. Even if they don’t believe that their son or daughters behavoiral label in school could be linked to the exposure they had in the womb. Drug exposure seems to affect impulse control and judgement among other things and at different levels. Of course, if most people look at an older child with behavioral issues who were born addicted to cocaine or meth or crack, they will agree it makes sense that the drugs could cause these things. But not antidepressants. No way. They are safe. They may not even pass through to the baby at all. Even if I show them the chemical makeup and the fact they are very close to cocaine, no way. Cocaine is an illigal drug and is bound to cause damage. Isn’t that why it’s illigal? But antidepressants are a prescription with the doctor certain they are safe so that makes all the difference in the world. And to compound the issues, parents seem to have no problem putting more of that poison into their child’s body such as antidepressants, antipsychotics and/or behavoiral medication such as Ritalin. How does one help change the world so our children are safe? It seems an impossible task. One that I will gladly take on. Even if I only help save one child from any risk, it will be worth it.

May 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm Leave a comment

Our voices will not be silenced

February 21, 2012 at 11:55 pm 1 comment

Happy 3rd Birthday Son

Happy Birthday Matthew. I can’t believe that it is almost 3 years to the minute since we said goodbye. We barely even got to say Hello. 3 years and it feels like just yesterday. 3 years and it feels like an eternity sometimes as well. Every year, every day is a stark reminder of what we will never get with you. This is your 3rd Birthday. What will your 13th or your 30th be like?

This is not natural son. Mommy and I are not supposed to be celebrating your birthday without you. 3 is that age where kids really start to understand the magic of a Birthday Party. I hope you can see it. We’ve got balloons, decorations, even a Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake picked out just for you. You would love it so much. It’s a really special day this year. Your baby brother Daniel will get to destroy a piece of your Birthday cake.

We’re working on change son. Just this past week we met some of the great people that have helped us to get your story told. Each one of them is a hero of mine in their own right. Yes, because they are fighting to help us make sure this doesn’t happen to other families, but more so because they remember you by name and you are important to them as well. It is that remembrance that keeps you alive.

3 years and still nothing major has changed though son. Sure they’re talking about implementing change, but until that happens, other babies and their mommies are in danger just like you.

Not a day goes by that I don’t ache to hold you once more. That day will come again. But we still have lots of work to do here, okay. I will never stop loving you. I will never stop missing you.

All my love,

February 21, 2012 at 7:37 am 1 comment

Happy Third Birthday Angel Boy.

Well Matthew. Here we are again. Another year. Another birthday. Another anniversary of your death. And where am I? What have I done in this time? If I were to honestly answer that question, it would be; nothing. I still hurt. I hurt bad. But I haven’t done anything for you. Yes, I have been on the news to tell your story and the dangers of exposure to infants, but the only thing I have seen result in that is the painful comments that were posted that told me how I did it to you and on purpose too. That I should have known better. That I killed you. That I am a horrible mother. Did I help anyone? I don’t know. I have spoken to Interior Health about implementing protocol change in hospitals to newborns exposed to these drugs. But I am still waiting to see something happen. I went to Los Angeles, to the CCHR awards ceremony to meet all the other people who are fighting for their loved ones who have died because of these drugs. To meet others who are doing amazing things for their person. And this has made me realize just how little I’ve been doing. What have I DONE? I am not seeing things happen for you. I am still waiting for Interior Health. I am not seeing your story move or get bigger. I saw in LA that these other people devote more time, money and energy into their cause and I feel as though I am failing you on every level.

It’s as though I am standing on a crevice with a large gaping hole separating the two sides and I am struggling to stay balanced on both sides. On one side are you and Simon. You are gone and I want to be with you. I want to help you. I am depressed and scared. I want to help but don’t know how. I want to change things, but I am not good enough. I as your mother need to be with you and know you are safe. On the other is my living family. I love them so much and enjoy my moments with them. I homeschool them so I know they are safe from labels and lies. To give them the best learning environment. To give them the freedom to learn in their own styles and to follow the things they love. I play with them and cry with them as they are my life. But I feel guilty as well because to give my living children the best that I can, I let you slide. Your cause cannot get my full attention. I get busy and can’t blog or even think about it as it makes me feel so sad and useless that I just want to give up. I am overwhelmed at how much I still have to do and I feel afraid. Afraid because I will fail my children to give myself completely to the cause, or fail you by giving myself completely to my living children. But I fight the best I can. I have to give some to you and more to my children here. They need my right now. And as depressing a thought that it is, when they are grown and no longer need me, you will still be dead and waiting for me. Always. Forever. No matter which way I turn, I face guilt head on. How do I leave it behind and see what I am capable of doing? How do I learn to give more to you and help you to save lives? I no longer want to feel so useless in this fight. But others give so much more than I do. How could I ever accomplish anything even remotely close to what they have? My hero’s. The one’s I look up to. I feel I could never do what they do. I just don’t have the smarts, the time or the finances that they do. Does that mean I am every day failing you? I sometimes think it does. I want the whole world to know you and the reasons behind your death. I want so many others to say, “I won’t let that happen to my children”. I want to know that you died for something bigger than profit. Something more. Something great.

On this 3rd birthday/anniversary of death, I miss you so much. The pain can never be put into words. And I have no doubt, the pain will ever be better. You have left a huge hole in our family with your death. We see it every day and especially today. We are having a birthday party again. We will have cake and balloons. We will talk about you. Sing to you. Tell you we love you. Send off balloons and wish lanterns. We will hope you are looking down on us and enjoying your party the way a 3 year old toddler should. We will be telling Daniel about the brother he never met. The one who saved his life. How important you are and how loved you are. He will love you too. And as the day progresses through to evening, I will be torn between joy and sadness. I will rejoice in your short life that brought me so much happiness. But I will be saddened by your loss and the reasons behind them. I will be constantly wishing I could see what your smile looks like and how your laughter would sound. Feeling emptiness because I never got to feel your precious arms wrap around my neck or the words “I love you mommy”. But in my sadness, your siblings will help fill the hole with hugs and kisses for me from you and to you. In your short life, you have given our family so much. Thank you so much with blessing our lives with you my precious little angel. And I promise to keep doing what I can to fight for you. To continue on with my journey for the truth. And maybe one day, I will feel good that I did enough for you and will feel worthy of your pride in me. I love you more and more every day. Happy third birthday my special little man.

February 21, 2012 at 6:37 am Leave a comment

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  • Is not coping well at all. Loss sucks! 7 years ago
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typing is not activism….

environ mentalism, fresh articles, interviews & checkitouts from Sydney.

Forced Limbo on Gunns Pulp Mill

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Interestingly, mainland papers are obsessing on the mill proposal as a political rather than environmental issue. It is legitimate, obviously, to identify the issue as both politicised and political, but it is a somewhat shameful indictment of social priorities that people are perhaps too “green fatigued” from all the discussion of climate change to give a damn about biodiversity. Anyway, political editor at The Age Michelle Grattan has the story here and Sue Neales at Ground Zero has the story here for the Hobart Mercury.

Long story short – the chief scientist has both rescued and wedged the federal government. Rescued, in that the onus of responsibility for the ineptitude of the proposal is shifted back to Gunns, and there is now an option for the environment minister to legitimately delay further while more modelling and legislating is called for. Wedged, in that the Howard Cabinet most likely wants to just sign off on the mill and lock in their aspirational marginal Tasmanian forest industry lobbyist vote – you know, the easily bought one which both major parties seem so desperate to coddle that they’ll piss away evolution, principle, common sense, and leadership.

Written by typingisnotactivism

September 27, 2007 at 11:49 am

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typing is not activism….

environ mentalism, fresh articles, interviews & checkitouts from Sydney.

Aussie election day – media roundup… (update 2)

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Update: Great freshly posted articles in the U.K. press here and here about John Howard’s climate change and pulp mill legacy and its significance in today’s election. (thanks Mr. M!!)

This won’t be totally comprehensive, but going into the day (just turned noon on the east coast) these are some of the stand-out pieces of coverage and opinion so far:

If you’d rather do the sane thing and skip earnestly fact-checked media, check out the videos and transcripts at the Clarke & Dawe page, especially their excoriation of Howard over the politics of fear. This farewell to Howard is brutal and amazing – one of the funniest things they’ve ever done with their 3-minutes.

And happy to see that another of my sometime-favourites, Mike Carlton, has thrown his hat in the ring with the perfectly titled White tracksuit bottoms flutter over the bunker.

The first group left before dawn, silent figures picking their way through the smoking rubble, casting long shadows in the light of the heaped documents burning in the courtyard.

They would take the northern escape route. Most had only the few possessions they had frantically scraped together as the enormity of the disaster emerged. A bundle of lovingly polished pejoratives, perhaps: chardonnay-sipping, elitist, latte left, Howard haters.

Others clutched an old Quadrant magazine, an invitation to drinks at Kirribilli, a treasured newspaper editorial written long ago in praise of Donald Rumsfeld. These keepsakes from happier days would bring comfort in the grim years ahead.

Away from the seriously hilarious to the hilariously serious. Was I wrong about Alan Ramsey? I think so; here’s a vigorously waved middle finger to the departing Magoo of a Prime Minister.

Yet Howard’s true political “genius”, if you like, is forever talking to what he sees as his base constituency as if they are no more than sheep. In this he might well be right.

It’s a great bit of venom which also points out that 300 recycling bins have just arrived at Parliament House, as if out of nowhere… Somebody might be preparing for a shred-a-thon.

This piece, Desperate Tactics, by Shaun Carney clearly points out the obvious reason why the racism/dirty tactics scandal which burned up about 48 hours of Howard’s oxygen this week probably seemed like a good idea at the time:

In 2001, John Howard, aided by Philip Ruddock, showed that it was good business. Howard’s vital sentence, uttered for the first time during that campaign during the Liberals’ formal launch at the Sydney Recital Hall, was: “We decide who comes into this country and the circumstances in which they come.” I was there and there were two moments during that event when the roof of that beautiful space just about lifted off due to the rapturous applause from Liberal supporters: when Howard made that statement and when Ruddock, the hero of the push against boat people, was introduced to the crowd.

Tracee Hutchison sprays on a bit of drama but with a lyrical flair and 11 years of pent-up anger prays that the past week will indeed be Johnny’s epitaph:

Somehow the word comeuppance came to mind as the 11th-hour race implosion in the federal seat of Lindsay derailed Howard’s re-election momentum. And it screamed poetic justice.

Election analyst Antony Green gets his outlook in here, while Chris Uhlmann disembowels the last 6 weeks of election campaigning here.

So their slogan was “Go for Growth”, and all of a sudden people could think, “Well, that could mean that interest rates might rise, so that’s a bit of a problem.” So then we saw another banner appear which was red and said, “Don’t risk our economy with Labor.”

And in the last week really, the Prime Minister has borrowed a line from Morris Iemma, which is if we’re heading in the right direction, there’s no need to change. So, there’s been a dog’s breakfast of themes throughout this.

Peter Hartcher has written a comprehensive comparison piece, Taste The Difference, which needs a cup of coffee and some breathing space – but is well worth it. Hartcher’s been almost as outstanding reading as Michelle Grattan, and while it’s a shame that she hasn’t written anything in the last 24 hours it’s a sure bet she’ll write something dazzling within the next 24.

They do converge on a great deal – in the words of the online satirist Hugh Atkin, Rudd proceeds according to the “clever principle of similar difference”.

We could also take a visit to the News Limited stable, but nah. Half of the editors there have decided in the last week that their best marketing outcome lies in supporting the ALP for 4 days, rather than continuing their line of “Howard’s amazing, why is he so misunderstood?”

Instead, there’s the lucky-dip mix at Election Tracker, which I believe is a loose collective of journalism students taking a crack at broadly composed online coverage. My guess is that it will be bereft of jaded cynicism and bitter bias, but that is just a guess.

Written by typingisnotactivism

November 24, 2007 at 3:30 pm

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  1. Is it a coincidence the people lined up at the voting cubicles look like they’re really at urinals?

    November 24, 2007 at 7:50 pm

  2. maybe not – at least half of us are feeling pretty bloody relieved right now!!

    we can haz hyoomin rytz agen?

    November 24, 2007 at 8:35 pm

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