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+1 941-404-8909
2075 Main Street #38 Sarasota, Florida 34237

DUI Defense Attorney

Experienced Defense Attorneys for Drunk Driving Offenses in Florida

If you’ve been arrested (and possibly charged) with a Florida DUI offense, then you may be feeling overwhelmed and anxious.  This is perfectly reasonable, as a DUI conviction can lead to severe criminal and civil penalties that could have a significant impact on your overall life trajectory.

Given the stakes, it is important to consult an experienced Florida DUI defense lawyer as soon as possible for guidance.  Here at Fowler Law Group, our Sarasota, Venice and Bradenton DUI attorneys have helped numerous DUI defendants avoid criminal liability, particularly in cases where law enforcement was overzealous and lacked sufficient proof of misconduct.

Understanding the Potential Defenses to a DUI Charge

There are a variety of effective defenses that can be employed to fight a DUI charge.  These defenses include, but are not limited to:

    • The law enforcement officers did not establish the necessary “reasonable suspicion” to engage in a legitimate police stop.
    • The law enforcement officers did not establish “probable cause” of intoxication necessary to perform the arrest.
    • You were not actually in control of the vehicle (i.e., you got into your car to search for a personal item but were not actually intending to start and drive the car anywhere).
    • You were not actually intoxicated.
    • The DUI tests were improperly performed, inaccurate, or otherwise unreliable.

Let’s take a closer look at how to attack the DUI tests that were administered.

Police Alcohol Tests May Be Unreliable

Testing is a critical issue in DUI prosecutions.

If you can show that the DUI test the law enforcement officers used (to establish probable cause) in making their arrest was inaccurate or otherwise unreliable, and therefore could not form the legal basis for an arrest, then you may be able to have the DUI charges dismissed.

Field Sobriety Tests

Field sobriety tests (FSTs) are tests administered on-site (i.e., at the “crime” scene) to determine whether the driver is intoxicated.  In Florida, there are a few standardized FSTs administered by law enforcement officers:

  • The horizontal gaze test (i.e., tracking the law enforcement officer’s finger with your eye);
  • The walk-and-turn test (i.e., walking in a straight line and turning, all while counting out loud and maintaining balance, and starting-stopping at the officer’s discretion); and
  • The one-legged balance test (i.e., standing on one leg and maintaining balance while counting out loud.)

FSTs have been criticized for decades, and for good reason.

FSTs are not particularly reliable tests of intoxication, given that there are a number of confounding factors — an individual may simply have a poor sense of motor balance (perhaps due to a medical condition), which has nothing to do with consumption of alcohol.  Some individuals simply have trouble with divided attention tasks, like FSTs, whether intoxicated or not.  It is not hard to imagine that many drivers would struggle to balance on one leg and count out loud, even when completely sober.

Chemical Tests

Chemical tests for DUI include the following:

  • Breath (e.g. breathalyzer)
  • Urine
  • Blood

Though chemical tests are sometimes perceived to be relatively more reliable than FSTs, they are not necessarily reliable in absolute terms.  Testing may be conducted improperly, causing errors.  False positives are not uncommon — for example, there are individuals who have alcohol content in their blood due to a medical condition, and it has nothing to do with actual liquor consumption.

Breathalyzer tests are perhaps the most notorious of the chemical tests and are the most commonly implemented in real-world scenarios — law enforcement officers frequently conduct breathalyzer tests (at checkpoints and otherwise) to establish probable cause to make a DUI arrest.

There are a number of problems with breathalyzer tests.  First, it is quite common for law enforcement officers to perform the test incorrectly — often due to their failure to properly calibrate the breathalyzer prior to testing.  Second, breathalyzers may not be up-to-date and therefore might not be accurate.  Breathalyzers have a limited shelf life, and if the breathalyzer was used after its intended “expiration date,” then the results can almost certainly be challenged for inaccuracy.

Refusing a Florida DUI Test — Is that a Good Choice?

In Florida, field sobriety tests are voluntary — you do not have to submit to an FST, though there are real consequences for refusal. Namely, your refusal to submit to an FST could be used as evidence against you in court.  As such, in many cases, it is better to submit to an FST and subsequently challenge the findings than to refuse testing outright.

Chemical tests are different.  Florida is an implied consent state with respect to DUI chemical tests (breath, urine, blood).  Essentially, when you obtained your driver’s license, the law says that you consented to submit to a DUI chemical test.  Refusal to submit to a breathalyzer test could lead to the suspension of your license and potentially even criminal charges.

How a Florida DUI Defense Lawyer Help

Lawyers are fundamental to success in fighting a DUI.

An experienced DUI defense attorney has litigated numerous DUI claims and understands the strategies typically engaged by prosecutors, giving them the insight necessary to go on the offensive and seek an early resolution (i.e., showing that the test results were not definitive, thus forcing the prosecutors to drop the charges).  In cases where you were actually intoxicated, a skilled attorney can argue persuasively on your behalf to minimize the penalties and therefore limit the negative impact on your life.

When Can You Be Charged with DUI in Florida?

Florida law imposes severe penalties for driving under the influence of alcohol. But, did you know that you don’t actually have to show signs of impairment to face a DUI conviction? Did you know that you don’t even have to be driving in order to be guilty of DUI?

Florida’s DUI statute establishes several different drunk driving offenses. The main ways that you can face a DUI charge are:

  • Driving “under the influence of alcoholic beverages . . . when affected to the extent that [your] normal faculties are impaired;” or,
  • Driving with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08 percent or above.

Importantly, either of these is sufficient to establish guilt for DUI in Florida. If you are showing signs of impairment, then you can be charged and convicted regardless of your BAC. Likewise, even if you are not showing signs of impairment, you can be charged and convicted simply because your BAC is 0.08 percent or above.

While driving under the influence is one way to face a DUI charge, you can also be charged with DUI if you are “in actual physical control of a vehicle.” This means that you do not have to be driving in order to be found guilty of DUI. If you are found in the driver’s seat with the key, this could be enough to support a DUI charge under Florida law. Additionally, Florida’s DUI law makes no distinction between public and private property, so you can face a DUI charge whether you are driving downtown or you are parked in someone’s driveway.

When Can You Be Charged with Driving Under the Influence of Drugs (DUI-Drugs)?

Florida’s DUI laws apply equally to cases involving alcohol and drug impairment. Drug and alcohol cases are prosecuted under the same law—Section 316.193 of the Florida Statutes in most cases. The law applies to all types of prescription, over-the-counter and illegal drugs, including (but not limited to):

  • Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications
  • Cocaine
  • Heroin
  • Hydrocodone
  • Marijuana
  • Methamphetamine
  • Opioid medications

Florida’s DUI law does not establish specific levels of intoxication for these and other drugs. In other words, there is no replacement for the BAC test in DUI-drug cases. However, blood and urine samples can still be used to show that a person had drugs in his or her system; and, in many cases, building an effective defense will involve our Venice DUI lawyers challenging the validity of the test results obtained.

DUI Charges Against Commercial Drivers in Florida

If you have a commercial driver’s license (CDL), then special rules apply to you under Florida law. When driving a commercial vehicle, you cannot have a BAC of 0.04 percent or above. If your BAC exceeds this threshold, then you can be charged with DUI—and this is true regardless of whether you are showing any signs of impairment.

But, that is not the only special rule that applies. When you have a CDL, getting a DUI can result in the loss of your commercial driver’s license, and thus the loss of your livelihood. This is true whether (i) you are convicted of DUI while driving your personal vehicle, or (ii) you are convicted of DUI (including a DUI with a BAC of 0.04 percent) while driving a commercial vehicle.

Under Section 322.61 of the Florida Statutes, a DUI conviction automatically results in the suspension of your CDL for one year. However, if you transport hazardous materials, then your CDL will be suspended for three years. In either case, the suspension of your CDL is in addition to any other penalties imposed for your DUI conviction.

When Can Florida Police Stop You for DUI?

In Florida, a police officer can stop you for DUI if he or she has “reasonable suspicion” that you are driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. There are various factors that can establish reasonable suspicion, although an anonymous tip from a concerned citizen generally is not enough. Some examples of factors that may establish reasonable suspicion for a DUI stop include:

  • Drifting out of your lane
  • Braking or accelerating suddenly without a valid explanation
  • Driving well below the speed limit
  • Driving at night without lights
  • Running a red light or stop sign
  • Making wide turns
  • Straddling the center line
  • Nearly causing an accident
  • Driving on the shoulder
  • Drinking in the driver’s seat

Additionally, if the police stop you for another reason (i.e. because you were speeding), then they are free to determine that you were also driving drunk or high. In fact, in many cases the police will discover that a driver is impaired after making a stop on the road or highway.

However, the police cannot stop you based on your race or sex, and there are constitutional limits on when the police can search your vehicle for an open container. As a result, following a DUI arrest, it is extremely important to relay all of the details of your traffic stop to one of our Manatee County DUI lawyers.

Are DUI Checkpoints Legal in Florida?

DUI checkpoints are legal in Florida, but they are subject to specific rules and requirements. If you were arrested for DUI at a police checkpoint, our lawyers will carefully review the processes and procedures involved in order to determine whether your arrest was legal under Florida law.

For example, one concern with DUI checkpoints is that they will be used to racially profile drivers. In order to prevent this, Florida law requires that a predetermined number of vehicles be stopped at random, while the police must also stop anyone who shows signs of impairment or other illegal activity. Other requirements for Florida DUI checkpoints include:

  • The police must post the date and location of scheduled DUI checkpoints in advance;
  • The police must place signs warning that a DUI checkpoint is ahead;
  • The checkpoint must be operated “reasonably” (i.e. it must not significantly impair the flow of traffic);
  • The checkpoint must be operated in a safe and well-lit location; and,
  • Drivers must not be delayed any longer than necessary.

Contact Fowler Law Group for a Free Consultation

DUI advocacy is ultimately a matter of building a persuasive defense by “poking holes” in the prosecution’s arguments.

Here at Fowler Law Group, our Florida attorneys have decades of experience working with those who have been charged with a DUI.  We are keen litigators who understand the challenges facing defendants, from severe penalties to the social and career ramifications of a criminal conviction — as such, we are committed to investing sufficient time and attention towards each client to ensure they receive thorough, personalized legal representation.

Ready to speak to a skilled DUI defense lawyer at Fowler Law Group?

Call us at 941-404-8909 or send us a message online to schedule a free and confidential consultation today.

Contact Us Today!

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Fowler Law Group proudly represents the citizens of Sarasota and Manatee Counties as well as the surrounding Tampa Bay area. Our experienced team will help guide you through the judicial process and answer all of your questions with honesty and integrity. We understand the important nature of your call, and we will strive to return all calls within 24 hours. Contact us today by completing our online form or calling us at 941-404-8909.


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For My Daughter, I Will Participate in the Bill 60 Hearings.

I write this with a heavy heart but a growing conviction. My conviction comes from the hope that those of us of sound mind and some degree of vision can unite and have our voices heard in order to prevent a very dangerous piece of proposed legislation from becoming law. I worry that should Bill 60 be voted into law, it will have a profound effect on the long-term prospects of this Province. It is with this in mind that I humbly invite anyone reading this blog post to read on and join me in the submission of a request to be heard by the Parliamentary Committee on the public hearings for Bill 60.

If you are not yet aware, the proposed so-called “Quebec Charter of Values” or projet de loi Bill 60 will be holding general consultation and public hearings beginning on January 14, 2014. The deadline for submitting comments, briefs and/or requests to be heard and appear before the Parliamentary Committee is December 20, 2013. For those of you who recall, these hearings will be similar to those that were held for Bill 14 (Act to amend the charter of the French language) earlier this year.

I have already submitted a comment, essentially a slightly modified version of the blog post I wrote on September 11 of this year. I encourage everyone reading this to do the same. Share a short paragraph on how the Charter would affect you should it become law. How the hijab-wearing daycare worker that your daughter has come to love will lose her job. Or how the turban-wearing Sikh doctor who saved your life will need to relocate to Ontario. Heck, just write “Bill 60 is dumb” and hit send!!

However, the master plan is even more grandiose! I will also be submitting a brief to be heard in order to appear before the Parliamentary Committee. So, as I mentioned above, to anyone reading this blog post I propose the following:

Send me your story.

Maybe you’re currently living in Quebec, maybe you were born here and find yourself in Leafs Nation…maybe you just tried Schwartz’s smoked meat once and feel connected to Montreal. Regardless of your reasons for loving this city and this Province, I want to hear from you. Please share a sentence, a paragraph or a novel in the comments field below. You can email me if  you wish your submission to remain confidential. Fortunately, in the accounting profession, anything a client (or in this case, reader) wishes to keep confidential, including their identity, will be kept confidential. If you want to remain completely anonymous, please send me a handwritten note to 3285 Cavendish, Suite 365, Montreal, QC H4B 2L9. If you do not wish to be included in my brief but want to submit your own comment to the Parliamentary Committee, please follow this link.

I will be compiling any and all submissions I receive into a single brief, which I will present to the Parliamentary Committee should it be selected for presentation on the floor of the National Assembly. If it is not selected, the brief will still be sent to the MNAs on the committee studying Bill 60 and become part of the public record.

I look forward to hearing from you!

The Funny Determined Daddy Accountant

PS – Sorry I wasn’t funny today! Double the funny next week!!!

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter if you like what you read!  And as always, if you have tax questions, need advice on your personal taxes, corporate taxes or anything else accounting or business related, please contact The Funny Accountant/President of MK & Associates at

Also, for a witty and insightful read, check out the wifey’s blog. It’s funny and good.

17 thoughts on “For My Daughter, I Will Participate in the Bill 60 Hearings.

  1. And I am a proud father in law! This Bill 60 is nothing short of extreme racism that spits in the faces of the ethnic people who helped to build Montreal and Quebec into a special place.

    It was once more special, but these idiots don’ t realize that since November 15, 1976, Quebec has lost so much due to their myopic view of reality.

  2. I would need an entire webpage to explain all the issues I have with Bill 60, along with every other law that violates the fundamental tenants of a free and democratic society.

    My biggest issue however, is the brilliance of it, in the sense that the government is proposing a law that would in essence remove many people’s fundamental rights and freedoms in the name of unifying the population, gender equality, safety, preserving their language and culture, and assorted other righteous causes. It is a masterpiece in the art of deception, non-transparency and most of all hypocrisy…yet some people believe in its good-intentions.

    Bill 60, like Bill 14, showcases the PQ’s arrogance and disregard for the people and their most basic of rights and freedoms. It says that they feel as if they can govern without concern for the citizens, or the country (that they don’t recognize) that they belong to..that it’s okay to tell tax paying citizens of democratic county how to dress, what language to conduct their business in, what schools they can send their kids to etc.

    I believe this law would set a precedence for making the unacceptable acceptable..and it obviously won’t end. It’s the same old story. The PQ more than anything is trying to stir the pot, push the envelope, and try to scare the non-sovereignists into leaving, when this is our home too. But this has gone too far, and if Bill 60 passes, I’m afraid of how much further it will go. I don’t want to wait around for the Anglophone Registration Law, or the Ethnic Registration Law to be proposed. But I also don’t want to be bullied into leaving my home.

    The PQ did say that if they won, they would govern as if they are a sovereign nation, and that’s exactly what they’re trying to do, and apparently it’s not a free society. This is not okay. It’s also not okay for the government to have the if-you-don’t-like-it-get-out attitude.

    This government is arrogant and determined to push forth their agenda, people be damned. That is not a democracy. That is a dictatorship, which we the people, anglophone, francophone and the rest, will not abide..and people are beginning to stand up.

    Tyranny doesn’t happen in a day, but rather slowly, step by step. This is merely another step in the direction of building an exclusive dictatorship which nobody wants.

  3. This Bill (60) should never be allowed to pass into law. It flies in the face of everything we hold dear as Canadians – freedom of expression being the most salient one in this case. No government should have the right in an open and free society, indeed any society, to dictate to its people how to dress, observe their religious values and how to comport themselves in general unless and until they pose an obvious threat to others.

  4. As a Canadian Quebecer I have become disillusioned with what Marois and the PQ have done to us by trying to pass Bill 60 as something we don’t not need to govern our everyday functions. This is not what I want for my children and grandchildren and their future.

    Freedom of Religion is dear to me since I was born in Germany and my late mother chose Quebec to be our new homeland after leaving a country like Germany where hatred and bigotry was the way of life against Jews and anyone who did not agree with Hitler. I see the same things happening right here in Quebec against Sikhs, Muslims, and Jews etc and I’m frightened by what I am witnessing everyday. The divisions Marois and the PQ have created against Quebecers is obvious and will only get worse if Bill 60 is ever passed. All it takes is “one person” to spread this kind of hatred and bigotry and Marois seems to be doing an excellent job of creating this hatred right under our noses.

    We must continue to stand up against Bill 60 which will destroy Quebec if it is ever passed.

  5. Everyone should be entitled to basic rights and freedoms. I could not imagine living in a world where I wasn’t allowed to do something based on my religious preference or my beliefs. We live in Canada and under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms I am proud to be able to live freely without fear of being punished or arrested for speaking my mind, dressing a certain way, wearing religious symbolic jewelry. I fear the future with Bill 60 in Quebec. For my future children, I hope, that they can live in a world as I grew up in.

    I think of my grandparents, both Holocaust survivors, spending their teenage years in concentration camps and work camps treated like pigs for being Jewish! Granted, we cannot compare Bill 60 as the same degree of hatred and intolerance, but, if my future children had to live afraid or unable of expressing who they are and where they come from that would be unfair. And for all we know, how far will this actually go? First Bill 60…and then what??

    Naturally, Canadians have every right to express themselves. Why be so different in Quebec? Quebec you are not more special than any other province. Your constituents deserve the same rights and freedoms as other Canadians…as other democratic countries no less! Our country is based on the principles of being a mosaic landscape…not a melting pot! Marois, we will not become a society based on your image. Sorry.

  6. I married into a lovely Montreal family 22 years ago and was welcomed from our first meeting. I suspect my welcome was due to the fact that my sense if humor was a rare match for their brother’s, but I know that the love and care they have subsequently heaped on this Chinese Canadian sister-in- law originates from their deep abiding respect of all people and the belief that the valuing of differences and diversity make Canada a leading world citizen. As a result, our kids’ generation may be the first generation to be truly color blind in the best way. Bill 60 has no place in the heart and heads of people of a tolerant and respectful country, province, city, home or family. Do not pass this Bill.

    1. Great comment Martha, thanks so much for sharing. It’s a classic story that I fear will be told less and less if we continue on our current path. Let’s make sure we remain the tolerant and accepting society that leads to happy endings such as yours.

  7. this bill will not be a law after the next election….in the meantime it is encouraging the most racist of the province to show their colors.. politicians included….I support you in this and encourage others to follow you sir….thank you..Frank C

  8. There was a time we talked about making Montreal a CityState. The more I get my affection infected by these cycles of extreme ignorance and inferior concepts the more I think that the idea is entertainable .

    1. So strongly agreed I can’t even explain. When you hear 90-10 against the charter in Montreal and an even split in the rest of Quebec, there’s clearly some kind of disconnect going on…

  9. I have a lot to say about this Charter, however, I don’t want to leave a long-winded comment so I will only share a portion of what I wrote to my employer, Concordia University’s president, Alan Shepard. It’s a bit unsettling that Concordia has not taken a definitive stance against the Charter, but I’m sure that a lot has to do with who is sitting on the Board of Governors.

    “I support the inclusion and integration of all cultures and religion in society, it is how I was brought up (here in Quebec).
    There are wonderful people with “religious garb” who educate my children in preschool and CPE, they are truly loved by the children they teach. The charter is indeed bi-polar, at one moment it wants to ensure secularism among public workers (with many convenient exceptions); at other times it claims to ensure equality among genders — I firmly believe that gender equality needs to be organic (taught at home, in schools, among communities), it certainly cannot be taught through top to bottom approach via government policies”.

    Then there is this notion that Muslim women are forced to wear the hijab. I’ve worked and studied with many girls in the university milieu who wear hijab – they are not forced, – the hijab in North America is in most cases a cultural choice, despite what some critics may say.

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Steve Carr – All the Lovely Nightmares

Steve Carr, from Richmond, Virginia, has had over 490 short stories published internationally in print and online magazines, literary journals, reviews, and anthologies since June 2016. He has had seven collections of his short stories, Sand, Rain, HeatThe Tales of Talker Knock and 50 Short Stories: The Very Best of Steve Carr, and LGBTQ: 33 Stories, and The Theory of Existence: 50 Short Stories, published. His paranormal/horror novel Redbird was released in November 2019. He has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize twice.

All the Lovely Nightmares

By Steve Carr

Abigail Keaton awoke with a start. She looked around the sunlit room to catch her bearings. Yes, she was in her bedroom in her new house, that wasn’t new at all, having been built nearly 150 years before in the verdant and hilly Cotswolds district of England, in the rural and historic village of Coln Saint Dennis. Yes, her unpacked boxes and steamer trunks brought from her seaside home in Halifax, Nova Scotia, were still stacked in the corners of the room. Yes, her joints ached as they always did first thing in the morning. Being seventy wasn’t easy.

The sound of creaking wood,  footsteps on the stairs, and the tinkling of china alerted her that Marta was on her way, bringing breakfast for Abigail’s first morning in her new abode, just as Marta promised the night before that she would do.

Abigail sat up in the bed and propped her pillow behind her back. She folded her hands on top of the goose down-filled comforter and smiled brightly, trying to hide the subtle pain that coursed through her arthritic hands. “How lovely of you, dear Marta,” she said warmly as Marta pushed the door open with her foot and walked into the room. The also elderly Marta carried a tray with a porcelain coffee pot, coffee cup, a saucer with blue images of Chinese dragons, a plate piled with slices of melon, pears and apples, and another plate ladled with a large mound of scrambled eggs, sausages and two slices of buttered toast. A large dollop of blackberry jam sat near the rim of the plate.

“This should restore you to health after such a long trip,” Marta said. She placed the tray across Abigail’s lap and stood back and looked on with anticipation as if she had just presented Abigail with a work of art and was awaiting the review of an art critic.

“I’ll never be able to eat all of this,”Abigail said with good humor as she stared at the tray. She poured coffee into the cup she poured a bit of cream into it. She lifted the steaming liquid to her lips and slowly took several small sips.

Mildly crestfallen that Abigail hadn’t been more effusive with praise or showing more eagerness to eat, Marta brushed crumbs from her apron turned to the window. “Looks to be a perfect spring day,” she said in a sing-song manner. “The primroses and violets are in full bloom already.”

Abigail placed the cup on the tray and picked up a slice of toast and lathered jam onto it. “I’m so eager to see Coln Saint Dennis in its entirety,” she said. “Do you think your Harvey could drive me around later today?”

Marta turned from the window. “Are you sure you’ll feel up to it? The village will still be here tomorrow if you would rather wait.”

Abigail bit into the toast and while chewing, said, “I’ve heard of this village, of this entire part of your country ever since I was a little girl, and now that I’ve inherited this estate I’m busting at the seams to see everything there is to see.” Jam dribbled down her chin.

“Why didn’t you come here before this?” Marta asked, trying to keep her eyes averted from the sight of Abigail eating with her mouth open.

“I had my teaching duties to tend to during most of the year for forty-three years and during the summer months there was always my mother and father who needed me to be around.”

“You must be very proud of your career teaching so many children.”

“It was what my mother wanted me to do.”

Marta turned back to the window. “Your Aunt Helen talked of your mother quite often. The bond between twins is quite strong, isn’t it?”

Abigail took another bite of toast. “Yes, quite strong. They are together again now just as they were before they both married and Aunt Helen moved here from Edinburgh and my mother and father moved to Halifax.” She took another sip of coffee, washing down the toast. “About Harvey?” she asked, wiping the jam from her chin with the back of her hand.

Watching a kestrel cross the sky, Marta replied. “I’m certain it won’t be a problem.”

The road leading into the heart of Coln Saint Dennis wound its way through the countryside, weaving its way between farms and rural residences where honey-colored homes built of Cotswold stone sat back from the road, many partly hidden by stone walls with vines that draped over them like decorative art. Tall oak, wylch elm and maple trees, thick with leaves for so early in the year, stood like solitary sentinels in the fields and meadows, where meandering small flocks of sheep grazed amidst patches of bluebells and dog’s mercury.

With her window rolled down just enough to let the moist, warm air blow in and tousle her snow-white hair, Abigail sat with her purse in her lap and stared out at the passing scenery, repressing the deep sadness she felt over not seeing this landscape before old age had crept into her bones. Despite Harvey’s protests, she had opened the door to the front passenger side and had settled in, refusing to allow him to treat her as his chauffeur. “We ride together as old friends or not at all,” she had demanded.

He had been quiet from the moment they pulled out of the driveway. The aromas of pipe smoke and stale ale wafted from his sweater. When she oohed or awwed at a scene of particular beauty, he slowed down and didn’t speed up again until the scenery was no longer within sight. “Misses tells me you were a teacher,” he said at last during a long stretch of road lined with walls.

She turned her head, studied him for a moment, and brushed her hair back from her face before answering. “Yes. I taught in a private school for girls and boys under the age of thirteen in Halifax.”

He nodded approvingly. “It’s a fine profession, that,” he said. “I wasn’t much of a student when I was school age. The teachers had to beat reading and writing into me. The seat of my britches were shiny from being swatted so often.” He chuckled, to himself, as if he had instantly forgotten he had said that out loud. “Maybe it’s easier teaching now that there is so much importance placed on education.”

“Not as easy as you might think,” she replied. “Children always resist learning. They can be lovely in their own right, but . . .” Her voice trailed off and she turned her head and looked out the window again. During a brief break between the end of one wall and the start of the next one she watched a woman lead a white horse out of a stable by its reins. A saddle on a red and blue tartan blanket sat on the horse’s back. “I should have liked to ride horses,” she said, wistfully.

“They don’t have horses in Nova Scotia?” he asked.

With the wall once again obscuring her view she turned her gaze to the front window. “Certainly they do,” she replied. “Many of my students rode them but when I was a young girl my mother didn’t consider it ladylike to ride a horse.”

“That’s a funny attitude for your mother to have, seeing as how she and your mother were born in Scotland,” he said. “Horse racing has been a popular sport there for hundreds of years.”

“My mother gave up her Scottish Kerr heritage when she married my father and became a Keaton,” she replied. She opened her purse and sorted through the tissues, bottles of medication, brush, comb and compact until she found a small opened bag of candy. She pulled it out held it out to him. “I bought this in the airport in Halifax before getting on the plane. It’s not very good candy though.”

“No, thank you,” he answered. “I’m not one much for sweets.”

She took a piece of candy from the bag, unwrapped the red cellophane from around it and plopped it in her mouth. She stuffed the wrapper and the bag into her purse and snapped it shut. For the next several miles she made loud sucking noises as she pushed the candy around with her tongue.

In the village, Harvey pulled the car to the curb outside of the Old Abbey Bookstore. “I thought this might be of interest to you,” he said. “It was once part of an abbey, but that was long, long ago.”

Behind a large plate glass window, rows of books on shelves lined the display case. The building looked as if it were being held together by spit and glue. The yellowish Cotswold stone that the walls were built from was cracked with veins that ran from the ground to the ornately carved oak eaves. She rolled down her window and while inhaling the fragrance of orchids that were in bloom in a row of window boxes, she gazed at the building and the books. “Except for what was required so that I could teach the subjects, to my mother’s dismay, I never read for leisure. She could recite lines by memory from the works of Robert Burns, Walter Scott and many other Scottish authors until the day she died at age ninety-two. I never had that interest in literature of any kind.”

“Your Aunt Helen was the same way as your mother,” he said. “Despite that bit of difference, there is much about you that reminds me of your aunt.”

In silence, Abigail rolled up the window. “We both never married,” she said at last.

He turned the key in the ignition.“Shall we see the rest of the village?” he asked.

“I saw a sign for the River Coln,” she said. “I’d like to go there if we could.”

“Certainly,” he replied. He pulled away from the curb and slowly drove down the street, passing the few shops in the village before they left the town and entered a stretch of road lined with groves of tall beechwood trees. The ground around them was thick with blossoming wood anemone. Their white petals gleamed in the sunlight that streamed through the beechwood canopy.

Abigail burst out crying.

Harvey quickly pulled the car to the side of the road and turned off the engine. As she sobbed, her body shaking, he gently patted her shoulder. “Now, now, nothing is worth all that, is it?”

With tears streaming down her face, she looked out at the woodland scene. “I’ve missed seeing so much of the beauty that the world offers,” she said. She opened her purse, took out several tissues, and dabbed her eyes. “My parents were very strict when I was young, you see, and when I obtained my degree to teach and then began teaching at the school, my duties to it and to tending to my parents, both who suffered from poor health, consumed my life.”

He withdrew his hand, wiggled his fingers, and stared at them, as if trying to understand how they worked. “Just imagine all the learning you put into the head of all of those young ones,” he said cheerfully.

“Yes, imagine,” she replied almost inaudibly. She opened her purse and thrust the damp tissues in and then closed it. “You and Marta worked for many years for my aunt. You’re not obliged to stay around now that I’m here.”

“We have no other place to go.”

“Oh,” she replied with solemnity. “I hope you don’t mind me saying how glad that makes me.”

“Not at all,” he replied enthusiastically. “Would you like to see the river, now?”

“Yes, that would be quite lovely.”

Bands of gold, purple and red fanned out across the twilight sky. With a cup of tea in her hand, Abigail stood in the driveway looking up. Blue tits nesting in the nearby trees chirped melodically in the otherwise silence as the sun slowly set. When Marta came out of the house, Abigail turned and watched her walk toward her on legs as thin as twigs.

“Did I hear Harvey drive off after supper?” Abigail asked.

Marta came up next to her and she too glanced up at the sky and then looked at Abigail. “Yes. He’s gone to have a pint with his pals at the pub. It’s a nightly habit of his. You know how men can be.”

Abigail took a sip of tea. “Except for my what were my father’s, I know nothing of men’s habits.”

“Did you never fancy men?” Marta asked, and then felt her cheeks burn with the brazenness of the question.

“When I was young I fancied a few, but I never had the face or figure that men fancied in return,” she replied. “My parents discouraged me from seeking a husband.” She ran her fingers self-consciously through her hair and let out a short self-deprecating laugh. “It’s too late to do anything about it now, isn’t it?”

Marta looked up at the sky again. “This was your aunt’s favorite time of the day. She too would come out with a cup of tea just as you have and stare up at the sky.” She then took a small diary from her apron pocket and handed it to Abigail. “Your aunt wrote a line or two in this whenever anything new happened in her life. I found it when I was unpacking your things away while you were out with Harvey and thought you might want to see it.”

Abigail took the diary and held it open in the palm of one hand. The breeze slowly flipped the pages. Most of them were empty. She closed the diary and took a sip of tea. “I’ve often wondered why my mother and Aunt Helen wrote to each other so often, but never made the effort to see one another.”

“So many secrets we all take to our graves with us.”

“I hated teaching,” Abigail blurted out with a laugh. “That’s one of my secrets.”

“I’ve always been a cook but I hate cooking,” Marta said, also laughing.

“I hate children.”

“What?” Marta responded, her facial expression registering her dismay.

“Children are monsters,” Abigail said icily, her demeanor as changed as day to night. “There wasn’t a school day that went by that I didn’t hate the sight and sound of them. I should never have been a teacher, but I had no skills to do anything else. I’ve wasted my entire life on the ungrateful little heathen. They’re living nightmares, every last one of them.”

Marta was silent for several moments before saying, hesitantly, “Surely they never knew how you felt about them?”

“No, I never let on.” Abigail replied coolly, and then a smile slowly crossed her face. “If I had had a gun I would have shot each and every one of them.”

The End

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Episode #17-Talking with Jonathan Belle AKA “The Seattle Superman”.

I have followed Jonathan Belle online for many years and every photo he posts is amazing.

Last year I interviewed him for my blog but I was so happy when Jonathan agreed to be a guest on the show as I had so many more questions to ask him and he dressed for the part as he wore THE suit!

We talked more about his suit, van life, creativity and the importance of positivity in day to day life.

Follow Jonathon online here: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube.

Categories: Podcasts

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Arkham Asylum is coming to London in 2022!

Arkham Asylum, the infamous psychiatric hospital/prison is coming to the UK next year and I cannot wait! There is going to be an immersive experience like no other and I am ready to have my mind blown.

Batman is missing and Gotham City is in tatters. Crime is running rampant in the streets and civil unrest is festering around every corner. Step forward ambitious psychiatrist Jeremiah Arkham who wants to restore order through his pioneering treatments.  The citizens of Gotham City are being summoned by law to the Arkham Asylum for psychological examination.”

Department Studios, Inc., Myriad Entertainment, and Warner Bros. Themed Entertainment, in association with DC, are excited to announce Arkham Asylum, a groundbreaking live immersive experience, inspired by one of DC’s most iconic Super Heroes, Batman. Opening Autumn 2022 in London, Arkham Asylum will become one of London’s major entertainment destinations for a spectacular day or evening out. Tickets will go on general sale at 10:00am (GMT) on Friday 29th October 2021 with an exclusive 48hr O2 presale at 10:00am (GMT) Wednesday 27th October 2021 via the O2 Priority app, followed by a 24hr presale to anyone who registers via

Set in a vast multi-sensory recreation of the eponymous psychiatric hospital from DC lore – Arkham Asylum will be an epic alternate reality, combining futuristic technology and interactive theatrics with a wholly original story to create a chilling, once-in-a-lifetime, live immersive experience.

Interaction is rewarded, from heightened clues and tasks prior to arrival to unlocking new spaces, characters, and storylines within.  The audience become the protagonists: first as citizens of Gotham City, then as patients on their own journey to escape the infamous Arkham Asylum and explore the world of Batman like never before alongside iconic DC characters including Scarecrow, Catwoman, Poison Ivy and many more.

Jessica Rees Middleton, CEO, Department Studios, Inc said: “There is nowhere else in the world where you can experience Gotham City in this way. From the moment you buy a ticket, through the DC characters you’ll meet, and choices you will make – each guest will leave this spectacular experience transformed and eager to come back! We plan to propel immersive entertainment to a new level.”

Jonny Grant, CCO, Department Studios, Inc comments: “Arkham Asylum fuses interactive theatre and new technologies to create mind blowing moments in an exhilarating world.  Participate in the theatre, interact with incredible innovations, play a rather thrilling game… but can you actually escape…do you even want to?”

Simon Evans, Director, Arkham Asylum (Myriad Ent) said: “Myriad pursues great stories, and the trust Warner Bros. Themed Entertainment have put in us to write an original narrative, based on beloved DC characters, is an extraordinary privilege. This won’t just be an event; it’ll be a ground-breaking and nuanced piece of theatre: working with the best collaborators; attracting new audiences to live performance; building on the legacy by allowing fans to get closer than ever. We can’t wait to push at the boundaries of what’s possible with this type of work.”

The Producers of the show will be proudly partnering with suicide prevention charity: Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). The show will be raising awareness and fundraising for CALM’s life-saving services so that more people can be reached before the point of crisis. For further information about CALM, please visit their website.

Arkham Asylum will open weekly, next Autumn 2022, between Tuesdays to Sundays, with tickets priced from £63.00 (plus booking fees) with some limited early bird offers during 2021. Not for the faint hearted, this event is registered as an 18+.

Full details and tickets can be found at Follow the story across Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Get your tickets now!

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The Aging Games
1.3K subscribers
Welcome to The Aging Games and today I will discuss a not-so-new sleep hack, Inclined Bed Therapy Benefits and Reviews.

Deep sleep is vital for physical and mental health. After a good night's sleep, your entire body functions better, resulting in quicker mental response, improved memory, burning more fat and even your cells produce more energy.

You can try IBT without spending a penny by raising the top of your bed frame by a few inches.

What is Inclined Bed Therapy? (IBT)
It's simple! Raise the head end of your bed by 6 Inches (15cm) or more depending on your bed size and reap the rewards of health and improved circulation.

It costs nothing but a couple of books, bricks or wood to take advantage of gravity and it's role in circulation, according to the man who discovered IBT, Andrew K Fletcher.

▶ Inclined Bed Therapy Benefits from the users:
• Snoring stopped.
• Heartburn and Acid Reflux reduced.
• Water retention (edema) eliminated.
• Improved Circulation and health throughout.
• Diabetic sensitivity reduced.
• Return of Sensation to numbed areas.
• Psoriasis and skin inflammations drastically reduced.
• Varicose Veins disappearing.
• Improved recovery and defenses to common bugs, virus and germs.
• Improved recovery from DOMS after a hard workout.
• Huge improvements in people with Multiple Sclerosis and other neurological conditions.
• Bed wetting stops, bladder and bowel control restored.
• People with Parkinson's Disease experienced huge improvements in their symptoms.
• People with spinal cord injuries have gained function and sensation below the injury site.
• Sleep apnea greatly improved and vanished in some cases.
• Back ache gone eliminated.
• Migraines a thing of the past.
• Lethargy and chronic fatigue replaced by energy and new motivation.
• Muscular atrophy reversed.
• Osteoporosis reversed.
• Insomnia cured.
• Night time visits to the toilet greatly improved.(this was huge for me)
• No more cold hands and feet in bed.
• Tremors gone.
• No more puffy, tired looking eyes in the morning.

▶ Read the Testimonials on Andrew's website to learn more and more things it is starting to affect in a positive way:

▶ Dr. Mercola's article about IBT:

So, any questions regarding IBT please ask me below. I'm happy to share.

If you like the video, please SUBSCRIBE and don't forget to press the bell 🔔, 👍like, comment and share. Stay safe and Love all.


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Forum Thread

listen to Dune audiobook before you watch the HBO one

Reply to ThreadDisplaying 3 Posts
  • Are you sure you want to delete this post?

    Dune is one of the greatest audiobook experiences I've ever had so I would definitely say if you have plans to watch the upcoming HBO film by the same name then do yourself the favor and listen to the audiobook first. You have plenty of time too as Dune the film doesn't come out until October.

    I have lots of faith in Villenueve and am very excited to see his take, but there is only so much story you can fit into a single movie.

  • Are you sure you want to delete this post?

    You're absolutely right. I actually suggested someone watch David Lynch's Dune before they see the new one a couple days ago. But I don't think that's nearly going to cut it. Dune has one of the most complicated stories I've ever seen. All the different characters and planets make it super hard to follow. The best thing to do is to read the book or listen to the audio book before you see the new movie. I also have faith in Dennis Villeneuve to give us a solid and understandable movie though. He did it with a somewhat complicated movie with Blade Runner already. I think he'll do it again.

  • Are you sure you want to delete this post?
    Thanks for the tip! I remember starting the actual book back in high school, but never finished it. I love audiobooks and I think I considered it once before. Many consider it to be the greatest science fiction story every written.


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The GTFO Company - News 2020-10-23T12:44:42-06:00 The GTFO Company 2020-10-23T12:44:42-06:00 2020-10-23T12:44:42-06:00 Have you ever thought to yourself, “what the hell am I doing here”? Curtis Swain
Have you ever thought to yourself, “what the hell am I doing here”? If so, me too!
So many times in life we need to check in with ourselves and make sure we are on the right path. I’ve often stopped dead in my tracks and asked myself that question. Just standing there thinking...staring into nothing. Just thinking! For a second, not really knowing which direction I am going. You just get a feeling of emptiness, sadness, and disappointment. Then you snap back into reality and realize you are doing pretty damn good! We are just hard on ourselves at times and we need to keep moving forward, check in with yourself to make sure your mission, goals or values are being met but keep moving forward!
]]> 2020-10-23T12:06:54-06:00 2020-10-23T12:07:40-06:00 Do You Struggle With SAD? You Aren't Alone... Curtis Swain Let's talk a bit about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or what most will pass off as the Winter Blues.
SAD is a type of depression that’s related to changes in the seasons. It begins and ends at the same time every year. Typically it will start in the fall and just continue through all the winter months as we have less sun. It will sap your energy making you feel moody.
Don’t just brush it off as the winter blues because it is a serious thing. Take the steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year.
Getting out for walks during the day will benefit you majorly. Taking higher doses of Vitamin D can help as well. Speak to your doctor if you feel the signs.
They can be but are not limited to:
- low energy
- feeling hopeless, or worthless
- severe cases are feeling thoughts of death or suicide
- losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
- over sleeping
Please do not feel guilty and be silent about it. End the silence and speak up for yourself and everyone that loves you!! ❤ Reach out to us, we’ll be an ear for you to talk to!
]]> 2020-05-23T12:37:00-06:00 2020-05-23T12:41:22-06:00 How are you? Curtis Swain Sometimes that’s all it takes is an extra minute to listen...

Good morning! How are you doing today? I’m fine I guess. PAUSE. Just fine? Really? It doesn’t really sound like your fine, is there something you want to talk about? PAUSE. LISTEN. Well I guess, you know....I just have been feeling like I am in a rut lately..... ❤ Listen up. Sometimes that’s all it takes is an extra minute to listen and fully be present while asking someone a second time and give them some free space to open up. It’s very difficult to be vulnerable and tell people that you may be having a shitty week or some very poor thoughts on life.

#getreal #starttheconversation.

📸 @fitness4life__explores


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The Crucible & Bush 18, June 2010

Posted by thegulfblog.com in American ME Relations.
Tags: , , , , , ,

I went to a rather nice open-air rendition of Miller’s The Crucible earlier in the week. In the midst of Regent’s Park, with the trees swishing around, the sun gently setting and birds chirping away, it was a delightful setting. The play itself didn’t disappoint.

Written about the McCarthyist purges in America in the 50s, much of the play seemed to have distinct echoes in much of Bush’s rhetoric: the absolute notion of you’re either with us or against us; the hysteria of rooting out Al Qaeda sleeper cells based on scanty often absurd evidence and the tautological sense of logic that so often seemed to pervade. Rumsfeld’s notion that the fact that there is no proof that x is a terrorist just means that s/he has hidden it really well not that s/he might be innocent, leapt to mind time and again.

The best line in the play was, however, nothing to do with such shenanigans:

The pure in heart need no lawyers.

1. Steph - 5, July 2010

One of my favourite plays of all time – I did it for GCSE and have loved it ever since. My favourite line was something about pulling down God and raising up a whore.

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Big Hero 6 Series is coming to Disney XD in 2017

Mar 2, 2016

After the amazing year it had, we knew we would see Big Hero 6 again in some form. It appears today Disney has confirmed that an animated Big Hero 6 TV series will premiere on Disney XD in 2017.

The original film won an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film in 2015. This series will join the Marvel heavy roster on Disney XD, alongside Ultimate Spider-Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Avengers Assemble.

“Here’s what we know so far: The series picks up immediately following the events in the film. Hiro is the newest prodigy at San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, and he faces daunting academic challenges …. not to mention the social trials of being the little man on campus. Off campus, the stakes are raised for Big Hero 6 as they must protect their city from an array of scientifically enhanced villains.”

No word on who the villains will be, but one thing is confirmed, all of the heroes including the lovable Baymax is returning!

Have you seen this:
'Obi-Wan Kenobi' Begins Production And Reveals Its Cast

BIG HERO 6 - "Big Hero 6," an animated television series for kids, tweens and families based on Walt Disney Animation Studios' Academy Award-winning feature film inspired by the Marvel comics of the same name, has begun production for a 2017 premiere on Disney XD platforms around the world. (Disney XD)

(Source: Oh My Disney blog)

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Hero Defense: Haunted Island Preview (EA)

Feb 22, 2016

Full disclosure: A copy of this game was provided for GWW for review

Hero Defense: Haunted Island is your typical tower defense game with a twist. Instead of building towers players can control up to five unique heroes that can move about the map killing creeps. I’m not entirely sold on this mechanic, but I can see the advantages of such an ability. When playing a map I usually “turtled up” and kept all my heroes in a certain area.  It was helpful to be able to move a character to hunt down that creep that squeaked past by defenses. Conversely, things got chaotic when a whole batch got past and I had to reposition my team.  At times the maps will force you to split up or reposition your team between waves. Although this wasn’t my favorite thing to do, I appreciate the attempt to change of the tower defense genre.

Each hero within the game does have their own unique purpose and personality. The first hero, Jack is a melodramatic Van Helsing type that is effect at doing massive damage to single targets.  Each hero within the game counters enemy types, and in Jacks case it’s vampires.

Next is Barrow the priest who is effective at stopping skeletons and specializes in slowing enemies. Sam Hain does area of effect attacks that are effective at killing zombies. Jane Doe’s is unique in that she is a melee character that can jump down into creep lanes doing persistent damage to a group while within range, and counters scientific creatures (read Frankenstein’s Monster).

The final hero is Wydle who is effective at slaying werewolves. Combining the group of heroes makes you an unstoppable creep destroyer which feels great. Challenge is introduced by moving heroes to the proper lane or position to maximize their effectiveness according to the wave composition.HD

The gameplay loop within Hero Defense is simple but satisfying. After defeating a map, players will get a change to go back to town, which they will initially have to build. Players can chose to upgrade their heroes assigning skill points, unlocking new abilities, or use weapon runes to give their heroes an edge in combat.

Have you seen this:
A Little Golf Journey (REVIEW)

In addition to this, players can chose to upgrade building in town which will grant the player overall benefits. Once upgrades are spend the player goes out to fight another horde, and the cycle repeats. At the start of the game, hero abilities are pretty standard, but can get quite cool as you progress. Jack can learn the ability to ricochet his arrows through hordes multiplying his single damage potential to the rest of the horde. Barrow can turn into a AOE team buff beacon that can freeze enemies. The upgrade system helps make heroes even more unique or specialized which  kept me wanting to play and level them up.

Updating building and heroes can be done with the two currencies in the game, gold or diamonds. The economy feels like it could be it be could mirco-transaction based, but surprising everything can be acquired through gameplay very easily and there are no mirco-transactions. Gold is acquired by doing maps, but can be turned into a bank to get diamonds which will level weapons or building buff shrines on maps game.  I applaud the developers  for not using mircotransactions when they easily could have, hopefully it will stay this way.

HD town

I commented on gameplay a little already and aside from my mixed feelings about the core mechanic of moving heroes, it works.  Downsides of the gameplay is the camera. Players never really have control of it and the camera will auto move or pan depending on where the player is currently positioned. It felt a bit jarring to not be able to control the camera and free rotate it. There were times when I would loose the action or had difficulty observing what was going on in a map because of the camera, however this typically only occurred on larger maps towards the end of the game.

Have you seen this:
gamedec (Review)

Another complaint I had was that routes the enemies would be on only displayed at the start of the wave. When trying to plan ahead for a wave,  it was hard to evaluate where to position my heroes as I was sometimes unsure what color route was which. Adding a button to display routes or keeping them illuminated constantly would help with that. Combat can get chaotic and this would save time and make players more effective.

The main campaign of the game takes about 4-6 hours to complete. There is a small amount of grinding required to finish the campaign, which typically resulted in replaying a previous level once or twice to make the team stronger for what was ahead. Each level has several difficult levels and challenges which will earn players bonus gold or diamonds for completing. This made playing completed levels feel fresh and will give completionist something to do after beating the story.  Upon completing the game, I had only completed about 25% of the maps and their variations. There is still plenty of game after the credits roll.

HD Zombies

The bonus zombie horde map great from grinding

Currently the game is in Early Access, and as far as a single player game, it’s finished. The developers are currently working at implementing multiplayer for the game.  Initially, gameplay would be PVP which the developers have detailed, but hope to implement Co-op after that, which is where I think the game could be really fun.

I don’t really feel comfortable giving an Early Access game a score as features could change, but I will say that Hero Defense:Haunted Island is pretty fun and would be worth checking out if you’re a fan of the tower defense genre. Hopefully, GWW will be able to revisit the game upon its full release for a proper scoring. If you want to see Hero Defense:Haunted Island in action be sure to check out our gameplay video by Joe Barhoum himself.

Hero Defense: Haunted Island is currently available on Steam for $14.99 Check it out!

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October 25, 2021
Ithaca, NY | 72°F

Mangum-Gate 2012 Is The Internet’s Conspiracy Theory Of The Week

4chan, the infamous home base of the Internet’s id and all those who feed it, recently came up with something more substantive than generic rage comics and photoshops of anime cat girls in compromising positions with Margaret Thatcher. (Author’s note: I don’t know if such a .jpeg actually exists but, thanks to rule 34, it does now. Alert readers are encouraged to send me evidence in an email attachment and to CC President Rochon.)

The new and wonderful conspiracy theory was hatched just one day prior to the time of this writing on 4chan’s /mu/ board. What’s now being called Mangum-Gate 2012 all began with a user called Ediie posting a normal photo of Jeff Mangum from his high school yearbook. For the uninitiated, Jeff Mangum was the lead vocalist, guitarist and, most central to the conspiracy, lyricist for the objectively great indie rock band Neutral Milk Hotel.[1] Some posts below the photo of Jeff Mangum, another user posted a picture of someone named Caroline Mangum. Alright, no problem, it’s his sister, right?[2] And this is when things get interesting. Another user posted a photo of this Caroline Mangum person next to the iconic photo of Anne Frank. They look somewhat similar.

And a conspiracy was born!

What does the most famous victim of the holocaust have to do with some indie rocker from Louisiana, besides that his sister sort of resembles her? A lot, in fact. Neutral Milk Hotel has two songs I’d go so far as to label “hits.” The oft-tattooed and beautifully melancholy “In An Aeroplane Over the Sea,” and “Holland 1945.” The latter song is, in no uncertain terms, about Anne Frank. It’s almost a love letter to her. At the very least it mourns Frank’s untimely death, directly referencing her passing mere weeks before the Nazi death camps were liberated by the allies in, when else, 1945.[3]

Okay, so he’s got a song about her. Whatever. Later in this same thread, another user posted a photo of Mangum’s wife next to the Anne Frank/ Caroline Mangum diptych. Turns out Mangum’s wife also resembles the other two women. White females with dark hair and similar face shape? They must be the same person! And if they’re all the same person, that can only mean one thing.

Jeff Mangum traveled back in time, saved Anne Frank, brought her to the future, grew up with her posing as his sister, and subsequently married her in his adulthood.

It all makes perfect sense!

Actually, it’s a pretty awesome theory. And not just because I’m glad there are some people on 4chan not trolling for child porn or complaining Taylor Swift is a misandrist, and it’s not because the theory doesn’t have flaws, because I have seen sponges with fewer holes than this. It’s because it combines a bunch of things people universally consider pretty awesome, and creates a narrative where these awesome things get even better.

You have Mangum, the genius frontman of an unimpeachable band. Then you have Anne Frank, icon of all that was innocent and pure that the Nazis put to a cruel end.[4] Then you have time travel, which is always awesome even when it doesn’t make sense.[5] They grow up together, ostensibly as friends, and wind up falling in love and marrying.[6] It’s like a Disney movie, but if the villain was Hitler and the entire third act was attending an uneventful high school in Louisiana.

A group of people on the Internet managed to jump from “look at this old picture of a musician I like” to “Jeff Mangum is a time traveling superhero who saved Anne Frank from the holocaust, married her and then made a lot of awesome music and now the two of them probably travel through time together, committing awesome acts of historical philanthropy.” And as I write this I realize this is all just a plot summary of the series Doctor Who. A bunch of people on 4chan basically came up with Doctor Who if the Doctor was a rock star and his companion was a famous, precocious holocaust victim.

It always goes back to Rule 34. If you can think of it, it probably already exists. And it’s probably porn. [7]

[1] NMH were essentially the Notorious B.I.G. of indie rock— they made a few classic albums, became instant legends and before you knew it, bam. They were done. Only instead of being tragically murdered Mangum just, you know, stopped making music with that particular band. Not liking Neutral Milk Hotel is akin to being the guy dogs always bark at and always makes babies cry when you hold them— it means you’re the villain, the bad guy, the killer at the end of the bloody teen slasher flick. Basically what I’m saying is I really like this band.

[2] Despite every notion I subsequently entertain in this column, yes, this woman is probably his sister. But if you wanted facts, you’d be reading the news section.

[3] Frank died with her sister in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp after being found in her legendary attic hiding place with her family.

[4] Combine this fact with the knowledge that every public schooled American had to read her diary and/or act in the staged version of in middle school; most of the country feels some connection with her memory.

[5] See: Looper, Back to the Future, Terminator, the third Harry Potter and the entire series of Doctor Who.

[6] This part has some smatterings of Woody Allen marrying his stepdaughter Soon-Yi Previn, since ostensibly it was an adult Mangum who traveled through time to save the adolescent Frank, returning to a younger age in order to grow up with her while still possessing the consciousness of an adult man. I doubt this bothered anyone in the thread as I suspect the venn diagram of Woody Allen fans and NMH fans has a rather robust middle.

[7] On British television.


text:
ALTR Created Diamonds: A Glistening Innovation of the Gems

Amish Shah.jpgOriginally published in Star Central Magazine on 19th September 2018

A desire of a diamond is a testament to its craftsmanship—the polish surface, the delicate precision of the cut, the pristine crystal clarity, no wonder it can be sentimental when it comes to giving this gem to your beloved. ALTR Created Diamonds has sown this glimmer and reaped its benefits by enhancing it with technology. Amish Shah, the president of a forward-thinking jewellery company, made an appearance on the International Jewelry Fair at the International Convention Centre in Sydney on the 25th August to discuss the future of diamonds/ jewellery industry. Speaking to jewellery/diamond aficionados alike on his foresight on industry-disrupting technology, combined with his knowledge of consumer demand that propelled him to the frontiers of the jewellery/diamond business.

ALTR Created Diamonds President and founder, Amish Shah is a third generation diamond, and jewellery manufacturer was always has a significant interest in technology, ever since he was teaching computers when he was thirteen in his home country, India. The current strategy for  He noticed that that diamonds as a product has been losing traction with the younger demographic consumer and he wanted to ignite their desire for diamonds within in them.

“The younger consumer stated to have more options such as the travelling, electronics. The diamond industry was doing little to nothing them to create a desire for diamonds. A fascinating insight that everyone gets a diamond smaller that she desires then they can afford.”

“ALTR Created Diamonds was the key to answering that question. ATLR Created Diamonds created a better and bigger diamond at the price they can afford. You can have 1 and a half diamond or a 2-carat type II.”

“At that point, they make the decision, and you have to find me a girl and say that I think this diamond is too big for me and that’s the core of our success.”

When asked about the appeal towards diamonds as the consumer, he remarked that diamonds represent a moment between two different people.

“Diamonds are a symbolic representation; it represents a moment in a woman’s life that makes her feel special. When ALTR allows her and give her a choice and a more beautiful diamond- and how she feels and the impact of it matters the most.”

“When she wears a spotlight from an ordinary girl, she turns into a princess. When Alter increases the size of the spotlight, that’s how she feels and how much more worthy she is to deserve that diamond. She shines brighter, not just the diamond.”

The process of making a lab-grown diamond is an intricate process; it requires a lot of perfecting the technologies that will replicate the condition of the diamond mine, deep inside the Earth. According to Amish, there is no difference between a naturally occurring diamonds as opposed to an ALTR Created diamond, because it starts with an actual diamond!

Necklace .jpg

“We, at ALTR was able to perfect the technology and perfected to a point where we were able to create a Type II a diamond—a slither of a diamond, almost as thin as the hair, polished, prepared and put into a chamber.”

“The chamber is closed, and the temperature started to being raised pumping the propriety gases which contains hydrogen, methane and in carbon. When it reaches temperature, the carbon gets excited and form lattice and bonds the seed of the diamond at the bottom of the chamber and slice by slice it becomes a crystal. It will be in the chamber for 600 hours.”

“It would be cooled and becomes an altered created diamond. From there it is laser -sawed and get a diamond crystal from inside. From there, we do a rough diamond cut, and from here we used polish.”

“We have 26 patents of diamond cuts and technology from the lasers with a robotic polisher, bringing out the brilliance of the crystal. You already have a crystal that makes up 2% of the world’s crystal and now your polishing the crystal with the best technology of the world—far exceeds what you see in a mined diamond.”

Recently, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) in the USA has officially declared that lab-grown diamonds are equivalent to the nature-occurred diamonds, despite much controversy behind it. Since the jewellery is a very traditional industry’s refusal to accept ALTR created diamonds as real diamonds.

“The scepticism is in any product which disrupts the market. When change comes to the market, it is hard to translate into the mind, and that was the difficulty. However, today’ the consumer, that this is a choice. You can buy a mined diamond or created diamond.”

“It probably the same when it came to the taxi industry backlashed against Uber when it came out, which the same scenario that we are in. When we talked to the consumer, okay so this is a choice. The difference is its origin, and I can get a 40%-50% per cent larger diamond- I said ‘Yes.” Okay, I make a choice and the trade like the old school methods, so it’s hard for them to believe that a diamond can be made in the lab since they trained to believe that it always comes out of the earth.”

Amish Shah finished our interview by saying, “Retailers can now educate consumers based upon guidelines provided by a federal body, rather than trade associations with their own agendas to push. No one can mislead consumers.”

ALTR Diamonds

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