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Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

A Novel

Shopaholic Takes Manhattan by Sophie Kinsella
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BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Sophie Kinsella’s Shopaholic to the Stars.

With her shopping excesses (somewhat) in check and her career as a TV financial guru thriving, Becky Bloomwood’s biggest problem seems to be tearing her entrepreneur boyfriend, Luke, away from work for a romantic country weekend. That is, until Luke announces he’s moving to New York for business—and he asks Becky to go with him! Before you can say “Prada sample sale,” Becky has landed in the Big Apple, home of Park Avenue penthouses and luxury department stores.
Surely it’s only a matter of time until Becky becomes an American celebrity. She and Luke will be the toast of Gotham society. Nothing can stand in their way, especially with Becky’s bills an ocean away in London. But then an unexpected disaster threatens her career prospects, her relationship with Luke, and her available credit line. Becky may have taken Manhattan—but will she have to return it?
Praise for Sophie Kinsella and Shopaholic Takes Manhattan
“Kinsella’s Bloomwood is plucky and funny. . . . You won’t have to shop around to find a more winning protagonist.”People
“A laugh-a-minute read.”Glamour (U.K.)
“Faster than a swiping Visa, more powerful than a two-for-one coupon, able to buy complete wardrobes in a single sprint through the mall—it’s Shopaholic!”The Washington Post
“Kinsella has a genuine gift for comic writing.”The Boston Globe
Random House Publishing Group; March 2003
ISBN 9780440334484
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Title: Shopaholic Takes Manhattan
Author: Sophie Kinsella
Chapter One

OK, don't panic. Don't panic. It's simply a question of being organized and staying calm and deciding what exactly I need to take. And then fitting it all neatly into my suitcase. I mean, just how hard can that be?

I step back from my cluttered bed and close my eyes, half-hoping that if I wish hard enough, my clothes might magically organize themselves into a series of neatly folded piles. Like in those magazine articles on packing, which tell you how to go on holiday with one cheap sarong and cleverly turn it into six different outfits. (Which I always think is a complete con, because, OK, the sarong costs ten quid, but then they add loads of accessories which cost hundreds, and we're not supposed to notice.)

But when I open my eyes again, the clutter is all still there. In fact, there seems to be even more of it, as if while my eyes were shut, my clothes have been secretly jumping out of the drawers and running around on my bed. Everywhere I look, there are huge great tangled piles of . . . well . . . stuff. Shoes, boots, T-shirts, magazines . . . a Body Shop gift basket that was on sale . . . a linguaphone Italian course which I'm definitely going to start soon . . . a facial sauna thingy . . . And, sitting proudly on my dressing table, a fencing mask and sword which I bought yesterday. Only forty quid from a charity shop!

I pick up the sword and experimentally give a little lunge toward my reflection in the mirror. It was a real coincidence, because I've been meaning to take up fencing for ages, ever since I read this article about it in The Daily World. Did you know that fencers have better legs than any other athletes? Plus, if you're an expert you can become a stunt double in a film and earn loads of money! So what I'm planning to do is find some fencing lessons nearby, and get really good, which I should think I'll do quite quickly.

And then—this is my secret little plan—when I've got my gold badge, or whatever it is, I'll write to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Because she must need a stunt double, mustn't she? And why shouldn't it be me? In fact she'd probably prefer someone British. Maybe she'll phone back and say she always watches my television appearances on cable, and she's always wanted to meet me! We'll probably really hit it off, and turn out to have the same sense of humor and everything. And then I'll fly out to her luxury home, and get to meet Michael Douglas and play with the baby. We'll be all relaxed together like old friends, and some magazine will do a feature on celebrity best friends and have us in it, and maybe they'll even ask me to be . . .

"Hi, Bex!" With a jolt, the happy pictures of me laughing with Michael and Catherine vanish, and my brain snaps into focus. Suze, my flatmate, is wandering into my room, wearing a pair of ancient paisley pajamas, with her blonde hair in plaits. "What are you doing?" she asks curiously.

"Nothing!" I say, hastily putting the fencing sword back. "Just . . . you know. Keep fit."

"Oh right," she says vaguely. "So—how's the packing going?" She wanders over to my mantelpiece, picks up a lipstick, and begins to apply it. Suze always does this in my room—just wanders about picking things up and looking at them and putting them down again. She says she loves the way you never know what you might find, like in a junk shop. Which I'm fairly sure she means in a nice way.

"It's going really well," I say. "I'm just deciding which suitcase to take."

"Ooh," says Suze turning round, her mouth half bright pink. "What about that little cream one? Or your red holdall?"

"I thought maybe this one," I say, hauling my new acid-green shell case out from under the bed. I bought it last weekend, and it's absolutely gorgeous.

"Wow!" says Suze, her eyes widening. "Bex! That's fab! Where did you get it?"

"Fenwicks," I say, grinning broadly. "Isn't it amazing?"

"It's the coolest case I've ever seen!" says Suze, running her fingers admiringly over it. "So . . . how many suitcases have you got now?" She glances up at my wardrobe, on which are teetering a brown leather case, a lacquered trunk, and three vanity cases.

"Oh, you know," I say, shrugging a little defensively. "The normal amount."

I suppose I have been buying quite a bit of luggage recently. But the thing is, for ages I didn't have any, just one battered old canvas bag. Then, a few months ago I had an incredible revelation in the middle of Harrods, a bit like Saint Paul on the road to Mandalay. Luggage. And since then, I've been making up for all the lean years.

Besides which, everyone knows good luggage is an investment.

"I'm just making a cup of tea," says Suze. "D'you want one?"

"Ooh, yes please!" I say. "And a KitKat?" Suze grins.

"Definitely a KitKat."

Recently, we had this friend of Suze's to stay on our sofa—and when he left he gave us this huge box full of a hundred KitKats. Which is such a great thank-you present, but it means all we eat, all day long, is KitKats. Still, as Suze pointed out last night, the quicker we eat them, the quicker they'll be gone—so in a way, it's healthier just to stuff in as many as possible right away.

Suze ambles out of the room and I turn to my case. Right. Concentrate. Packing. This really shouldn't take long. All I need is a very basic, pared-down capsule wardrobe for a romantic minibreak in Somerset. I've even written out a list, which should make things nice and simple.

Jeans: two pairs. Easy. Scruffy and not quite so scruffy.

Actually, make that three pairs of jeans. I've got to take my new Diesel ones, they're just so cool, even if they are a bit tight. I'll just wear them for a few hours in the evening or something.

Oh, and my embroidered cutoffs from Oasis, because I haven't worn them yet. But they don't really count because they're practically shorts. And anyway, jeans hardly take up any room, do they?

OK, that's probably enough jeans. I can always add some more if I need to.

T-shirts: selection. So let's see. Plain white, obviously. Gray, ditto. Black cropped, black vest (Calvin Klein), other black vest (Warehouse, but actually looks nicer), pink sleeveless, pink sparkly, pink—

I stop, halfway through transferring folded-up T-shirts into my case. This is stupid. How am I supposed to predict which T-shirts I'm going to want to wear? The whole point about T-shirts is you choose them in the morning according to your mood, like crystals, or aromatherapy oils. Imagine if I woke up in the mood for my "Elvis Is Groovy" T-shirt and I didn't have it with me?

You know, I think I'll just take them all. I mean, a few T-shirts aren't going to take up much room. I'll hardly even notice them.

I tip them all into my case and add a couple of cropped bra-tops for luck.

Excellent. This capsule approach is working really well. OK, what's next?

Ten minutes later, Suze wanders back into the room, holding two mugs of tea and three KitKats to share. (We've come to agree that four sticks, frankly, doesn't do it.)

"Here you are," she says—then gives me a closer look. "Bex, are you OK?"

"I'm fine," I say, rather pink in the face. "I'm just trying to fold up this insulated vest a bit smaller."

I've already packed a denim jacket and a leather jacket, but you just can't count on September weather, can you? I mean, at the moment it's hot and sunny, but it might well start snowing tomorrow. And what happens if Luke and I go for a really rustic country walk? Besides which, I've had this gorgeous Patagonia vest for ages, and I've only worn it once. I try to fold it again, but it slithers out of my hands and onto the floor. God, this reminds me of camping trips with the Brownies, trying to get my sleeping bag back into its tube.

"How long are you going for, again?" asks Suze.

"Three days." I give up trying to squash the vest into the size of a matchbox, and it springs jauntily back to shape. Discomfited, I sink onto the bed and take a sip of tea. What I don't understand is, how do other people manage to pack so lightly? You see businesspeople all the time, striding onto planes with only a tiny shoe-box suitcase on wheels. How do they do it? Do they have magic shrinking clothes?

"Why don't you take your holdall as well?" suggests Suze.

"D'you think?" I look uncertainly at my overflowing suitcase. Come to think of it, maybe I don't need three pairs of boots. Or a fur stole.

Then suddenly it occurs to me that Suze goes away nearly every weekend, and she only takes a tiny squashy bag. "Suze, how do you pack? Do you have a system?"

"I dunno," she says vaguely. "I suppose I still do what they taught us at Miss Burton's. You work out an outfit for each occasion—and stick to that." She begins to tick off on her fingers. "Like . . . driving outfit, dinner, sitting by the pool, game of tennis . . ." She looks up. "Oh yes, and each garment should be used at least three times."

God, Suze is a genius. She knows all this kind of stuff. Her parents sent her to Miss Burton's Academy when she was eighteen, which is some posh place in London where they teach you things like how to talk to a bishop and get out of a sports car in a miniskirt. She knows how to make a rabbit out of chicken wire, too.

Quickly I start to jot some broad headings on a piece of paper. This is much more like it. Much better than randomly stuffing things into a case. This way, I won't have any superfluous clothes, just the bare minimum.

Outfit 1: Sitting by pool (sunny). Outfit 2: Sitting by pool (cloudy). Outfit 3: Sitting by pool (bottom looks huge in morning). Outfit 4: Sitting by pool (someone else has same swimsuit). Outfit 5:

The phone rings in the hall, but I barely look up. I can hear Suze talking excitedly—then a moment later, she appears in the doorway, her face all pink and pleased.

"Guess what?" she says. "Guess what?"

"Box Beautiful has sold out of my frames! They just phoned up to order some more!"

"Oh, Suze! That's fantastic!" I shriek.

"I know!" She comes running over, and we have a big hug, and sort of dance about, before she realizes she's holding a cigarette and is about to burn my hair.

The amazing thing is, Suze only started making photograph frames a few months ago—but already she's supplying four shops in London, and they're doing really well! She's been in loads of magazines, and everything. Which isn't surprising, because her frames are so cool. Her latest range is in purple tweed, and they come in these gorgeous gray sparkly boxes, all wrapped in bright turquoise tissue paper. (I helped choose the exact color, by the way.) She's so successful, she doesn't even make them all herself anymore, but sends off her designs to a little workshop in Kent, and they come back, all made up.

"So, have you finished working your wardrobe out?" she says, taking a drag on her cigarette.

"Yes," I say, brandishing my sheet of paper at her. "I've got it all sorted out. Down to every last pair of socks."

"Well done!"

"And the only thing I need to buy," I add casually, "is a pair of lilac sandals."

"Lilac sandals?"

"Mmm?" I look up innocently. "Yes. I need some. You know, just a nice cheap little pair to pull a couple of outfits together . . ."

"Oh right," says Suze, and pauses, frowning slightly. "Bex . . . weren't you talking about a pair of lilac sandals last week? Really expensive, from LK Bennett?"

"Was I?" I feel myself flush a little. "I . . . I don't remember. Maybe. Anyway—"

"Bex." Suze gives me a suddenly suspicious look. "Now tell me the truth. Do you really need a pair of lilac sandals? Or do you just want them?"

"No!" I say defensively. "I really need them! Look!"

I take out my clothes plan, unfold it, and show it to Suze. I have to say, I'm quite proud of it. It's quite a complicated flow chart, all boxes and arrows and red asterisks.

"Wow!" says Suze. "Where did you learn how to do that?"

"At university," I say modestly. I got my degree in Business and Accounting—and it's amazing how often it comes in handy.

"What's this box?" she asks, pointing at the page.

"That's . . ." I squint at it, trying to remember. "I think that's if we go out to some really smart restaurant and I've already worn my Whistles dress the night before."

"And this one?"

"That's if we go rock-climbing. And this"—I point to an empty box —"is where I need a pair of lilac sandals. If I don't have them, then this outfit won't work, and neither will this one . . . and the whole thing will disintegrate. I might as well not bother going."

Suze is silent for a while, perusing my clothes plan while I bite my lip anxiously and cross my fingers behind my back.

I know this may seem a little unusual. I know most people don't run every single purchase past their flatmate. But the fact is, a while ago I kind of made Suze a little promise, which was that I'd let her keep tabs on my shopping. You know. Just keep an eye on things.

Don't get the wrong idea here. It's not like I have a problem or anything. It's just that a few months ago, I did get into a . . . Well. A very slight money scrape. It was really just a tiny blip—nothing to worry about. But Suze got really freaked out when she found out how much I owed, and said that for my own good, she'd vet all my spending from now on.

And she's been as good as her word. She's very strict, actually. Sometimes I'm really quite scared she might say no.

"I see what you mean," she says at last. "You haven't really got a choice, have you?"

From the Trade Paperback edition.
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MOVIES: 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'Washington TimesBased on the best-selling series of novels by Sophie Kinsella, the ...
2009 Walt Disney Pictures Preview: 'Confessions of a Shopaholic,' 'Up,' 'The Proposal,' 'Surrogates,' 'Old Dogs,' More -
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This book provides a comprehensive introduction to modern auction theory and its important new applications. It is written by a leading economic theorist whose suggestions guided the creation of the new spectrum auction designs. Aimed at graduate students and professionals in economics, the book gives the most up-to-date treatments of both traditional theories of 'optimal auctions' and newer theories of multi-unit auctions and package auctions, and shows by example how these theories are used. The analysis explores the limitations of prominent older designs, such as the Vickrey auction design, and evaluates the practical responses to those limitations. It explores the tension between the traditional theory of auctions with a fixed set of bidders, in which the seller seeks to squeeze as much revenue as possible from the fixed set, and the theory of auctions with endogenous entry, in which bidder profits must be respected to encourage participation.
Cambridge University Press; January 2004
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Title: Putting Auction Theory to Work
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More than four decades after it was enacted, the Clean Air Act remains one of the most significant and sweeping pieces of environmental legislation in the country's history. This established resource provides a broad and balanced perspective of the statute and the EPA's implementing regulations and policy guidance. Combining the experience and knowledge of 31 private and public sector Clean Air Act practitioners, this deskbook covers the entire statute as well as recent developments such as greenhouse gas emissions and response to Massachusetts v. EPA.

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Getting What You Came For The Smart Student's Guide to Earning an M.A. or a Ph.D.

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Is graduate school right for you? Should you get a master's or a Ph.D.? How can you choose the best possible school? This classic guide helps students answer these vital questions and much more. It will also help graduate students finish in less time, for less money, and with less trouble. Based on interviews with career counselors, graduate students, and professors,Getting What You Came Foris packed with real-life experiences. It has all the advice a student will need not only to survive but to thrive in graduate school, including: instructions on applying to school and for financial aid; how to excel on qualifying exams; how to manage academic politicsincluding hostile professors; and how to write and defend a top-notch thesis. Most important, it shows you how to land a job when you graduate.

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This Book Can Help (and You Probably Need It!)p. 1
What Is Graduate School Like?p. 5
Do You Need to Go?p. 8
Should You Work First?p. 23
Choosing a School: The Thesis Adviserp. 28
Choosing a School: Secondary Aspectsp. 48
Application and Admissionp. 57
Improving Your Credentials for Admissionp. 73
Financial Aidp. 89
The Master's Degree: History and Hurdlesp. 111
The Doctorate: History and Hurdlesp. 118
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Playing Politics: Building a Reputationp. 141
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The Thesis Proposalp. 191
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The Thesis Defensep. 236
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Bringing It All Together: The Jobp. 319
Buying Your Computer and Softwarep. 359
Useful Internet Addressesp. 379
Bibliographyp. 383
Indexp. 387
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Goodbye, Ms. Chips An Ellie Haskell Mystery

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"The headmistress wants to see you." Words to strike terror in the heart of any inmate of St. Roberta's boarding school. Fortunately for Ellie, she is no longer a pudgy, wayward pupil but a happily married mother and interior designer with a beautiful home by the sea. Still, thanks to her success as an amateur local sleuth, Ellie has been summoned.St. Roberta's needs Ellie's help now that the former games mistress, Ms. Chips, has retired. Could Ellie please come back on campus and find out who has stolen the Loverly sports trophyand is seeking to bring embarrassment to the school? Her less than rosy memories of being a student notwithstanding, Ellie cannot refuse headmistress Mrs. Battle's entreaties. Soon she finds herself in the thick of boarding school life, where an apparent schoolgirl prank gives way to murder.

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DOROTHY CANNELL, a mother of four, grandmother of ten, and owner of a King Charles Spaniel, was born in England and moved to the United States when she was twenty. After living for years in Peoria, Illinois, she and her husband moved to Maine. On a lark twenty years ago, she took a writing class. The product of that class, her first Ellie Haskell novel, The Thin Woman, was selected as one of the 100 Favorite Mysteries of the Twentieth Century by the Independent Mystery Booksellers Association. The thirteenth mystery featuring Ellie, whom Booklist describes as “part Miss Marple, part modern British mum,” is She Shoots to Conquer—now available, in hardcover, from Minotaur Books.

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"Ellie, the headmistress wants to see you."
Words to strike terror in the heart of any inmate of St. Roberta's boarding school for girls who has failed to turn in her Latin prep, left out London when drawing a map of England, or--worse yet--prowled the ruins of the medieval convent at dead of night. Naturally I shuddered, even though I was now a grown woman and the speaker was my dear friend Dorcas Critchley, who had arrived unexpectedly a half hour before.
The school I had attended as a pupil was now her place of employment. Upon the retirement of Ms. Chips at the end of the previous school year, Dorcas had assumed the post of games mistress and now had the dubious pleasure of chivying a bunch of girls in bottle-green shorts and mustard-yellow shirts to victory on the playing field. My being a St. Roberta's old girl was a coincidence, and Dorcas had very sensibly not asked me for a personal reference. Ms. Chips, who undoubtedly still had the headmistress's ear, could not be expected to remember me with enthusiasm, given that the only ball I had ever managed to lob in lacrosse had whacked her squarely on the nose--breaking it, so Matron had informed me icily, in at least three places.
Haunted by this memory and its outcome, I now sought solace from my surroundings. It was a sunny Saturdayafternoon early in June, and Dorcas and I sat in white wicker chairs on the back lawn of my home, Merlin's Court. Its fantastical castle turrets poked cheerfully into the pure blue sky, daring a dark cloud to show a malignant face. The miniature moat collected only sanguine shadows. The garden's gently sloping lawns were shaded by beech trees and interspersed with flower beds bursting with riotous color. The air was perfumed with roses. Indoors were my wonderful husband, Ben, and our three adorable children. Given this heaping helping of life's bounty, only an ingrate would not respond to Dorcas's astonishing announcement with an interested smile.
"Why on earth would Mrs. Battle want to see me?" I endeavored to sound cheerfully intrigued. "Surely it can't be to find out why I never joined the Old Girls' Association."
"Nothing to fear in that regard, Ellie," Dorcas reassured me.
"Oh, goodie!"
"Am here as her emissary. Something nasty occurred at old Roberta's. Shocking business! Threatens blight on our outstanding reputation. Ghastly for Mrs. Battle! Blasted all to pieces, as you might expect! Hands trembled the other day when mounting the dais to take assembly."
"To everything there is a season." The words hopped out of my mouth. Dorcas raised an inquiring eyebrow, and I looked at the table between our chairs, but no pot of tea and plate of biscuits had magically appeared to put me in a better frame of mind. "Sorry," I said. "I was remembering how I quivered and quaked when the Battle-ax caught me wearing my uniform cardigan back to front, for a change."
"Frightfully sorry to put you in a spot. Should have remembered your saying you don't have fond memories ofschool." Dorcas's gaze faltered. Some people might consider her plain, with her thin face, sharp features, and short ginger hair clipped back from her brow. But I wouldn't have changed a thing about her, from the serviceable tweed jacket and slacks to the argyle socks. My mind went back ten years to our first meeting, shortly after Ben and I had inherited Merlin's Court from an elderly relative of mine. Our good fortune had not gone down well with members of the family who had hoped to find themselves on easy street when the old man finally pegged it. Sadly, we were forced to the lamentable conclusion that one of them wanted us out of the house--and into the graveyard. But Dorcas had been there for us every step of the way until the villain was unmasked and the danger removed. Over the course of the following years she had been a frequent much-loved visitor, always spending Christmas and Easter with us. Knowing a warm welcome awaited her, she also enjoyed making impromptu visits such as this one. I was horrified at the thought of hurting her feelings.
"I'm the one who should be sorry. I've been behaving like an insensitive wretch." I leaned toward her. "This business, whatever it is, has you seriously upset. I thought you weren't your usual chirpy self when you arrived, and now I can see shadows under your eyes. You haven't been sleeping properly."
"Perfectly fit, never better. Can still skim the high bar and land upright."
"Forget the brave front." I wagged a finger at her. "What evil stalks the hallowed halls of St. Roberta's?"
"Don't know how to break it to you." My friend reached into her trouser pocket for a handkerchief the size of a small tablecloth.
"Just say it, Dorcas, dear."
"A sports cup has been stolen from the trophy case in the assembly hall."
"Is that all? I was afraid a bunch of first formers, fed up with shepherd's pie, had murdered the cook."
"Ellie, it was the Loverly Cup!"
I thought she was stammering. "The lovely ... ?"
"Loverly. Awarded annually by Lady Loverly of the Hall at Upper Swan-Upping to the winner of the area schools' lacrosse championship match. For the past nine years, St. Roberta's has won it handily. Sadly, not in the cards this time. Disappointing season." Dorcas sucked in a breath and blew tremulously into the handkerchief. "Blame myself. Failed to rouse the old fighting school spirit. Offered to resign."
Preferable, I thought fondly, to donning a kimono and falling on her lacrosse stick. What she needed at this moment was a strong cup of tea, but alas, the wrought-iron table remained bare. I decided against nipping into the house and brewing a pot in favor of offering immediate comfort.
"Dorcas, it sounds like a schoolgirl prank to me."
"That's what Mrs. Battle is hoping. But worried stiff the matter could turn out to be more serious."
"Such as?"
"Evil plot to ruin St. Roberta's stainless reputation."
Masterminded, I supposed, by a shadowy figure with an eye patch and a hollow cough who would prove to be the recently dismissed French mistress. "When was the cup taken?"
"This past Monday."
A vital question loomed. "How long before it must be handed over to the new lacrosse champions?"
"End of the month. Last week of term."
"I gather the Battle-ax is against involving the authorities?"
"Can't say I blame her. Police cars screeching down the drive, sirens wailing?" Dorcas paled visibly. "No keepingthat hullabaloo from the Board of Governors and the parents. Could be the end of good old Roberta's."
Although this seemed to me to be going overboard, I made soothing noises in the manner of a brook attempting to calm the troubled sea. Had she been a different sort, Dorcas would have whacked me or at least told me to stuff the platitudes.
"Hard enough these days to keep any school going without a scandal. Mrs. Battle brightened when I reported your great success as private investigator."
An unpleasant apprehension seized me. "You said she wanted to meet with me, but this sounds as though more than a nip in and out of her office will be entailed. To unmask the Cup Culprit, I'd have to stay at or near school for days on end--possibly weeks!" My mind shut down at the horror of it.
"Asking a lot of you, I know."
I reminded myself sternly that I was supposedly a grown-up--wife, mother, part-time interior designer. I remembered my parents had sold their souls to their bank manager, unhappily named Mr. Shark, in return for an overdraft the size of the national debt in order to pay my school fees. My courage still failed me. "Dorcas, I don't think I'm up to this."
She misunderstood me. "Know you think yourself an amateur. Modest, always have been; one of the things I admire most. But if anyone can solve the mystery, it's you."
Ignobly I sought an out. "Thank you, Dorcas, but I don't handle cases on my own. I usually work in tandem with Mrs. Malloy."
Even as I spoke these words, a woman with jet-black hair highlighted by two inches of white roots crossed the courtyard at last, carrying a tea tray. Here was my trusty household helper and partner in the sleuthing business. Itmust be added that she made an imposing figure. Her generous contours were presently displayed to full advantage in a forest-green taffeta dress. Glittering brooches planted here and there suggested she was descended from the czars of Russia. Hopefully she'd never be forced to flee a revolution, her high heels being unsuited to successful escape down a dark alley. I worried about the tea tray; one misstep and there would go a perfectly good teapot and assorted crockery, to say nothing of the cucumber sandwiches and jam tarts.
Dorcas likewise perceived the possibility of imminent disaster. Leaping to her feet as if in response to a starting pistol, she had the tray on a table before I could blink.
"Well, that was good of you, Miss Critchley!" Mrs. Malloy landed in a chair. Her rouged face cracked as she produced a purple-lipsticked smile. "For a minute I thought I was back to me old rugby days, about to be tackled to the ground by sixteen stone of solid muscle."
Bless the woman! Being a romantic she is given to these flights of fancy, and doubtless the scene continued to play out in her mind. The team captain would announce between gasping breaths that he was in actual fact the deposed king of Ruritania; if she didn't think him too bold, he would sweep her off to his flat after the match and deflower her at his leisure.
Dorcas took the cup of tea I passed her and apologized to Mrs. Malloy for startling her. "Sorry! Not thinking clearly. Lot on my mind, I'm afraid." My heart ached, she looked so despondent. She gave much and asked little in return. Would it really kill me to help her out in her hour of need? Biting into a sandwich, I attempted to garner strength.
"It's me that is sorry, Miss C," protested Mrs. Malloy magnanimously. "I could see the moment you arrived this afternoon as you was down in the dumps. It worried mesufficient that I couldn't concentrate on me dusting or work up the enthusiasm to sort out the toy cupboard. What that good woman needs, I said to Mr. Haskell, is a decent cup of tea. And with himself playing Monopoly with the children like he does most Saturday afternoons, I got the kettle going and nipped to it."
"Good of you, Mrs. Malloy. Can't say how much I appreciate ... ." Out came the handkerchief, with noisy results.
I wasn't equally impressed with Mrs. M's slavish devotion to duty. When last I'd seen her, she'd been on the drawing room sofa with her feet up, reading The Lamentable Affair at Latchings while the dust and toy cupboard went unlamented. This, however, was not the moment to play the heavy-handed employer. Much good it would have done me anyway. From the start of our relationship, it has been unclear whether Mrs. Malloy or I rule the roost in domestic matters. Not that it matters. She is above all things a staunch ally when the chips are down.
"Dorcas is here on her headmistress's behalf," I explained. "The Battle-ax wants to see me."
"Forget to finish the fourth form, Mrs. H?"
I smiled dutifully at this quip. "Mrs. Battle was indeed at the helm when I was at St. Roberta's, though I doubt she would remember me without some nudging. No, a sports cup has been stolen. The hope is that I ... we," I added quickly, "can recover it before its loss has to be made public." I went on to explain that it was soon to be handed on to another school. Meanwhile, Dorcas sat in sad contemplation of her argyle socks.
"Is it very valuable, this cup?" The thrilled expression on Mrs. Malloy's face suggested she was indulging her imagination again. Did she picture a goblet studded with jewels sufficient to ransom Richard the Lionhearted from the bunch of miffed Turks or whoever had locked him upin a moldering stronghold? A just fate, I had always thought, for a man who had gone jaunting off to the Crusades, leaving his brother John to tick off the barons and make life difficult for Robin Hood. "Gold?" breathed Mrs. Malloy.
"Silver cup," replied Dorcas, "but bound to be valuable. Work of Hester Bateman."
"The queen of eighteenth-century silversmiths. A friend of mine paid a hundred pounds for one teaspoon with her hallmark." Having demolished more than my share of sandwiches in a desperate attempt at building up my defenses, I was feeling a smidge more cheerful. "Lady Loverly doesn't stint with her trophy giving."
"Lady who?" Mrs. Malloy held out her teacup for a refill.
"Loverly. A woman, if I remember correctly, who wore horrific hats and seemed to have twice the usual number of teeth. Middle-aged, which would make her elderly now, after nearly twenty years. Goodness! It's amazing to think it's been that long. I left St. Roberta's when I was fifteen. None of its girls could have been happier to go home and burn that hideous uniform than I!"
"What then, Mrs. H? Parents get you a governess?"
"Art school."
Dorcas continued to study her argyle socks. I could tell from her hunched posture that, sympathetic as she generally was to my feelings, she was shocked by my lack of loyalty to St. Roberta's. It came to me then, with an anguished pang, that I could not bring myself to tell her why I was so averse to returning there. A woman of her unfaltering integrity could not but condemn my failure to have spoken out and saved a fellow schoolgirl from unjust disciplinary action when I knew her to be innocent of the charge against her.
It seemed to me that the bright-blue sky paled as I turned my gaze away from Dorcas and Mrs. Malloy. Pretty, immensely popular, thoroughly nice Philippa Boswell had been stripped of the captainship of the lacrosse team and told that she would not be named head girl at the start of the new school year as had been anticipated. The entire school was stunned, the pupils disbelieving. But the accusation--of absenting herself from the school building without leave to conduct an assignation beyond the grounds with a member of the male species--had stood. The Board of Governors, with the bulldoggish Mr. Bumbleton at the helm, congratulated themselves that an example had been made; my heart had broken for Philippa--but in silence.
She left St. Roberta's at the end of that summer term, announcing that she had decided not to return for the sixth form. One class behind her, I exited when she did, having persuaded my parents to let me attend a local art school. I'd kept my dark secret ever since, even from Ben. Not because he would have recoiled in horror and taken to sleeping in the guest bedroom, but because the thought of my confessional words making ugly contact with the air made my heart hammer and beads of sweat form on my brow. It was no consolation that Philippa could not have known I might have spoken up to spare her the shame and disappointment she had endured.
I now drew a ragged breath and listened to Mrs. Malloy.
"Does this Lady Loverly know the cup is missing?" she was asking Dorcas.
"Bound to. Got a goddaughter in the fourth form: Carolyn Fisher-Jones. Wouldn't be cricket to expect the girl to keep mum. Sensible fourteen-year-old. Good deal of poise for her age. Would look at home on a decent horse. Classmate and close chums this term with Matron'sgreat-niece, Gillian Parker. Matie's been in a real tizz about this business. Worried about how it will go down with Ms. Chips." Dorcas re-produced the handkerchief. "Fast friends since their own schooldays at Billbury Academy in Devon."
"Chips?" Mrs. Malloy refilled our teacups. "Is that a nickname? Tip of the hat to the beloved schoolmaster in--?"
"In the tenderly tearful Goodbye, Mr. Chips?" I had loved both the book and the movie. "It's her own name. Not even an abbreviation. Dorcas"--I turned to her--"what has been her reaction to the cup's disappearance?"
"Haven't heard, but bound to have taken it on the chin. That sort of woman."
Mrs. Malloy reached for the last cucumber sandwich. "I thought she'd retired and you'd taken her place, Miss Critchley."
"Right enough," responded Dorcas, "but still around. Does dorm duty if needed. Bought a house nearby in Upper Swan-Upping."
"Blimey! Is that where the school is?" Mrs. M raised a painted eyebrow.
"Mile or so distant. St. Roberta's is on the far edge of Lower Swan-Upping before open country takes over. Bridle paths, lovers' lanes, woodlands, fields. Not surprising Ms. Chips chose to stay in the area. Keen hiker. Matron worries she overdoes it. Not the outdoorsy type herself. Bad experience. Got lost on the moors as a girl."
"Always best to get right away when making a new start," opined Mrs. Malloy. "Like I just said to Mr. Haskell when he had to sell off a bunch of hotels to pay Tam for landing on Park Place, it don't do to cling to the past. Shake the dice and move on. So he did and collected two hundred pounds for passing Go."
"Wonderful!" I said. "Just so long as he doesn't haveto sell Merlin's Court when he lands on Mayfair. Which he will do, there being a dreadful inevitability when one is losing at Monopoly. Our children can be pretty ruthless. Miss Chips is fortunate not to be at their mercy. I can't see her being content if forced to move very far from St. Roberta's. It's a good thing that property in country areas tends to be more reasonably priced than in the cities."
"Not the case with Lower and Upper Swan-Upping." Dorcas shook her head, causing a noncompliant strand of hair to escape onto her brow. "Even Cygnet's Way, once a strip of laborers'cottages, has gone up-market, so I've been told."
"It's the fault of them bloody commuters!" Mrs. Malloy's sympathetic outrage refracted off the faux emeralds and rubies on her storefront bosom.
I nodded agreement. "Someone, preferably the government, should put a spoke in their wheels. The cheek of people thinking they can have it both ways! Working in London or Birmingham and going home to a picture-postcard cottage enlivened by children named Buttercup and Daisy after the congenial cows in the adjoining pasture." Turning to Dorcas, I said I remembered Cygnet's Way as a dismal little street.
"Wouldn't know it now, Ellie. Bumbleton and Sons, the builders, bought the houses, did them up, and then sold the lot for a huge profit. Blow for Matron! Had been hoping to buy the one she'd leased over the years to live in during the hols."
"Is that where Ms. Chips bought?" I asked.
"No. Purchased a house on the green. Tudor. Named The Laurels or Fir Trees--something of the sort. Didn't need to worry about price. Came into a handsome legacy last year. Being a thundering good sport, she also financed a new gymnasium for St. Roberta's. Bumbleton's got thatjob too. Old chap's on the Board of Governors." Dorcas was again compelled to reach for the handkerchief. "Better woman than Marilyn Chips never invoked the old sporting spirit."
I was stunned that Ms. Chips had a first name. Who would have thought! "That must have been some legacy." My attempt to brighten the mood succeeded with Mrs. Malloy. It was her frequently voiced opinion that there is nothing in life more romantic than coming into bundles of money, especially if doing so means cutting out others hoping to scoop the lot after years of buttering up the doddering old benefactor. Something I can say I didn't do with Uncle Merlin. Not that Mrs. M would have held it against me. For Mrs. M, true life should always merge with fiction. Noting the gleam in her eyes, I could tell she was increasingly enthusiastic about the prospect of a sojourn at St. Roberta's. In her mind it would be a storybook school complete with illustrations. A place where the girls were not as bothered with getting an education as in the formation of secret societies, with all the attendant excitement of midnight feasts, whispered passwords, and the thrilling discovery that the fourth-form mistress is the ringleader of an international smuggling ring. To her credit Mrs. Malloy contained her emotions, merely asking if Ms. Chips's legacy had been unexpected.
"Bolt from the blue. According to Matey, had planned to live off her pension." Dorcas emerged from her handkerchief. "Makes this cup business especially sad, bang up against Chippie's shining moment. Gala evening planned to celebrate the new gymnasium: fruit punch, sausages on sticks, that sort of thing. All arrangements made. Cards sent out. Board of Governors, parents, old girls, local notables invited."
"This event takes place when?" I asked.
"Twenty-eighth of June. Same day the Loverly Cup passes on." Dorcas spoke with a brave attempt at calm.
"No time then to be lost in recovering it." Mrs. Malloy glittered with energy. "When does the headmistress want to see Mrs. H?"
"Tomorrow morning if possible." Dorcas blinked an apologetic look my way.
"I'd drive back with you?" My hand searched for a jam tart.
"Know it puts you in a spot, working out arrangements for the children and setting aside current work."
"That's manageable," I replied, in hollow accents. No escape hatch here. Ben, who owns a French bistro named Abigail's in the village, could delegate as necessary to my cousin Freddy, who works for him, and so be home with Tam, Abbey, and Rose when they weren't in school. Being the husband he is, he wouldn't make a moan about not being able to crack on with the cookery book he is writing. As for myself, I had no interior design commissions on the verge of completion. A check of my calendar, which might lead to few phone calls, would be the only requirement in freeing me up for the next couple of weeks. "Where would I stay?"
Dorcas explained about a house on the grounds that fifty years ago had been occupied by the school chaplain and his family. After that, it had been left to the invasion of mold and decay until Miss Chips came into her legacy. In addition to her beneficence with the gymnasium, she had fulfilled a longtime aspiration of refurbishing the house as a retreat for old girls, ones who needed a temporary escape from the pressures of their lives: divorce, loss of a job ... . I'd have to come up with a cover to explain my arrival. Dorcas made a couple of suggestions that floated past me.
Some dickey birds had settled in the minstrel's galleryof the closest beech tree and were singing their little hearts out, as befitted their brown choir robes. I'm not much of a judge--in fact, Mr. Middleton, who had taught music at St. Roberta's, had informed me I had a tin ear--nevertheless, I doubted there was a nightingale in that feathery lineup. The performance struck me as sadly mediocre. I was pretty sure that at least two sparrows were off-key, and the bigger one hit a seriously sour note seconds before the sun slunk behind a sudden cloud. My heart went out to the loyal little band of family and friends gathered in the audience with their hearts in their throats and bright little smiles on their beaks, hoping against ardent hope that Percy would get through "O Sole Mio" without being bitten to death by the bird to his left. A portentous little bully if ever I saw one.
I had been horribly bullied my first year at St. Roberta's by a girl in my class named Rosemary Martin, who had a singing voice that drowned out the chirpers and a Roman nose that, in all fairness, she couldn't help. Mr. Middleton had assigned solo parts to her either because she really was good or because otherwise she would have had him fed to the lions.
Now, in a determined effort at more positive thinking, I focused on my father's words of consolation when I'd told him what Mr. Middleton had said about me. "Better a tin ear," quoth Daddy, with a customary flourish, "than a tin cup." Words of wisdom to cling to in my present situation. Dorcas hadn't asked me to sit on a pavement and beg for change from impervious pedestrians. From the sound of the renovated Chaplain's House, its accommodations would more than pass muster. I might even find myself enjoying the company of other old girls who might be staying there.
A sideways glance at Mrs. Malloy showed she was looking as glum as all get out.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Tomorrow's no good for me. Like I've been telling you all week, me sister Melody's coming to stay for a few days, bringing her new husband to show him off. I can't just bunk off and leave them to it, can I?"
"Probably not," I said. "And you've been dying to see the wedding photos."
"She's me only sister. It wouldn't do not to take an interest."
"It was a delightful wedding," I informed Dorcas.
"Jolly ho!" she enthused kindly.
It had been lovely. Unfortunately, Melody could never have been a Grecian urn and at age sixty was ever less likely to be rhapsodized by poets, but she had radiated a joy that made her frizzy hair and dumpy figure enviable, while the bridegroom had beamed with love and pride.
"That cherry suit I helped her pick out was just right," said Mrs. Malloy. "Left to herself, she might have decided to wear white, and that would have been a terrible mistake for a woman of her age. She would have looked like the spook bride in The Sexton's Secret, Mrs. H!"
I remembered vividly that particular scene in the book: a ghoulish figure drifting down the aisle ... gown yellowed and spotted with age, reeking of mildew and death ... a garland of crumbling rosebuds ... the organist who displayed a flair for the mournful ... effigies on the wall that turned a paler shade of marble as their eye sockets searched the gloom for shadows that had life in them. When reading those lines I had recalled the legend of the Gray Nun, whose wraith was said to haunt the ruined convent at the edge of St. Roberta's grounds. My one midnight excursion into the crypt with a couple of my classmates had produced no sight of her, but that might have been because she didn't consider a bunch of giggling fourteen-year-olds a worthy audience for fleshless hand wringing and pitiful moans.
"Of course I want to do right by Melody."
Mrs. Malloy still sounded seriously put out. In addition to her disappointment at not being able to accompany Dorcas and me to Lower Swan-Upping, she might have been remembering that as Melody's bridesmaid she had not looked her best in dusty pink, a color she despised.
"I had intended on giving her and the new hubby me own room with the comfy double bed." Sticking her nose in the air, she risked having it pecked off by Percy, the musical sparrow, or another passing dickey bird. "But on second thought, if I was to put them in the box room that has the single with the thin mattress, they could get to thinking as how they was imposing by staying as long as they planned, and take themselves off." Catching Dorcas's eye, she looked momentarily abashed; then her purple mouth set in a mulish line, indicating that her heart had hardened. "If you ask me, Miss C, it's not natural for a newly married couple to stay with relations. You'd think with both of them waiting so long to tie the knot they'd want to focus on taking the instruction booklet to bed with them every night to see if they couldn't get top marks. What if they're not getting the hang of things because Melody's too shy? Or she thinks Bill should try them pills some men need to take and I'm roped in to listening to their bedroom problems?"
"Difficult." Dorcas's complexion rivaled her red hair.
"Like Mrs. H will tell you, it's not in me nature to enjoy mixing in other people's business." Mrs. Malloy laid out this whopper without the hint of a blush. "Besides, I wouldn't want little Ariel Hopkins thinking I wasn't bothered about seeing her."
The mention of this name gave me a jolt. My horror at the thought of returning to St. Roberta's and being forced to confront the episode involving Philippa Boswell had made me forget that Ariel had for the past year been a studentat the school. Her father was Ben's cousin Tom Hopkins, and the family lived in Milton Moor, making them acquaintances of Melody. The opportunity to spend a few days with the Hopkinses had been a bonus for me in driving Mrs. Malloy to her sister's wedding. Ariel, who had been home for half term, was fourteen.
"Bright girl," said Dorcas. "Plenty of spirit."
But had Ariel wholeheartedly embraced life at St. Roberta's? I wondered. She was a prickly little person, apt to scorn popularity for the sake of it or because she preferred to bury her nose in a book featuring life at its more exciting. One could never tell which way she would jump next, although I doubted it would be into my arms on seeing me. She liked me, and would endeavor to ferret out the reason for my taking up temporary residence at the Chaplain's House, but displays of affection violated the offhand manner she took pains to present.
"I wish you could come," I told Mrs. Malloy with a pang, "but even it weren't too late to put the newlyweds off for another time, doing so would not be kind."
"I suppose not. Although"--her eyes brightened--"what if I was to borrow Tobias Mousecatchky and take him down to my house and pretend he was a stray I'd taken in? Melody was saying just yesterday on the phone as how Bill has a proper aversion to cats and can't be around them without screaming. And of course," she continued, with a self-righteous puffing of the chest, "that wouldn't be fair to the neighbors. Old Mrs. Flagg next door has high blood pressure and don't always remember to take her medicine. A nasty shock like that could kill her. I can't see a nice man like Bill taking the risk."
"Sorry," I said. "Tobias is getting up in years and doesn't adjust well to change. He prefers being home with his pipe and slippers--or communing with familiar surroundings," I was forced to add, spying my beloved felinewending his way across the lawn in dreamy contemplation of a butterfly that, being all beauty and no wit, had settled within easy paw-dabbing distance on a hydrangea bush.
Luckily, Tobias was distracted by the nosy eruption of the children through the kitchen door. Tam and Rose both dark like Ben, Abbey with her elfin fair curls, they came hurtling toward us, laughter spilling around them, one of those ordinary moments that will later be pulled out of the treasure box of memories many times over. It wasn't any trick of sunlight that turned the garden into an enchanted glade. It was the love I saw on Dorcas's face when she looked at my children.
"We'll leave for St. Roberta's early tomorrow morning," I told her with a real smile. Mrs. Malloy's pout was equally genuine, but she would recover from her disappointment when her sister and brother-in-law arrived.
The butterfly turned into a gauzy winged fairy and flitted away as Tobias joined the rest of us in going into the house. No further danger in the garden and none for me in responding to the headmistress's summons. The mystery of the missing Loverly Cup did not amount to evil on a grand scale. No diabolical force was at work in the old school, merely some childish silliness. This thought almost cheered me into facing the prospect of an excursion into my past with less foreboding than might have been anticipated.
What I failed to remember was that one of my reasons for being hopeless at lacrosse was that I had always failed to see the ball when it was coming full at me.
Copyright © 2008 by Dorothy Cannell.

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RECYCLING centres may close as part of a review by County Hall.

Essex County Council currently spends £6.4million a year running 21 centres.

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Configuring navigation tabs in Infocenter [message #621655] Fri, 24 October 2008 15:29
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I've developed a standalone Infocenter and have been asked if it would be
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 Fairy Tale Lust - book review by Alan & Michele

Fairy Tale Lust - book by Cleis Press Inc. - review by Alan & Michele

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Fairy Tale Lust

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And They Lived Lustily Ever After

Although not every story is a re-telling of a recognizable fairy tale, this is a great book for those who want something a little different in their erotica. These 18 short stories range from whimsically amusing to darkly eerie, and some are hot enough to make you want to read them again and again. It's not overly graphic though, so people looking for explicit hardcore "wank fodder" may not appreciate it as much.
Lots of variety. Some very unusual plot lines.
A few weren't arousing or didn't make sense.
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  • Andromeda
    Ahhh, I'm dying to read this! Great review!
  • Sera
    Nice review. No pics in the book?
  • Tori Rebel
    Great review, as usual I'm still working on this one but do like it - it's a change from the anthologies I usually read.
  • Kayla
    I'm working on reading mine. It's sitting in my pile, but I just haven't gotten around to it. x.x
  • Alan & Michele
    Thanks for the comments

    Charlotte--- no, no pictures. That would have made it really interesting though!
  • Selective Sensualist
    Great review! Just curious what your favorite erotica is? I should look into getting some!
  • Alan & Michele
    Currently, mine is Can't Help the Way That I Feel, edited by Lori Bryant Woolridge.
    Alan favors Afternoon Delight, edited by Alison Tyler, which is my second favorite.
  • Selective Sensualist
    Thanks! They are now Wish-Listed!
  • Sammi
    I really want to read this one - it sounds interesting!
    Great review!
  • iceman681
    i should read more
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Stir Fried Soba Noodles with Burdock

Cook noodles as package directs, rinse, drain and set aside. Meanwhile, in a wok or large skillet warm the sesame oil. Sauté the garlic, onion, burdock, carrot and celery for about 7 minutes or until tender. Add and briefly sauté the soba. Season with shoyu, toasted sesame oil and brown rice vinegar. Mix well. Garnish with cilantro and serve hot.

Nutritional Information

Per serving - 332 calories, 12 gram fat (32% calories from fat), 9 gram protein, 48 gram carbohydrate, 4 gram fiber, 0 milligram cholesterol, 191 milligram sodium

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Kalamboro  Separated 3 children (adult daughter pictured)
 Zanbera would like to be able to buy a cow so he can reunite with his wife and children. (Sakalava Custom)

Zanbera was married but his wife and children left him when he contracted leprosy.  Because of his job with Eden, he was able to purchase medicine and is now recovering.  He once again has feeling in his arms and legs and is attempting to reconcile with his wife.

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Educational Psychology (Level 3)

Course Code EDSHHSCPC17

Course Overview

A distance learning course is the ideal way to gain a Level 3 in Educational Psychology. Whether you're looking to go on to further education, improve your job prospects or expand your knowledge, distance learning Educational Psychology is a flexible and convenient course, which allows you to comprehensively prepare for an exam or career through home study. What's more, because the distance learning Level 3 Educational Psychology course is a fully comprehensive course, no prior knowledge is required.

This programme is designed for people who wish to gain an understanding of principles and practice of psychology as applied to education and learning.

Course Objectives

By the end of this course you will be able to:

  • Understand the theories and applications of the learning process
  • Principles of assessing educational performance
  • Demonstrate your understanding of the individual differences in educational performance
  • Understand the nature of special education needs
  • Describe a range of teaching & learning styles
  • Understand factors which determine student motivation
  • Describe the effect of and strategies for dealing with disruptive behaviour
  • Design the Layout of Educational Environments to maximise learning potential

What Could I Do After Taking This Educational Psychology Course?

With relevant Experience and Qualifications, you can go on to become a Psychologist. Psychologists study people's behaviour, motivations, thoughts and feelings, and help them overcome or control their problems. They use their understanding of psychological theory, together with counselling and other forms of therapy, to help people avoid, overcome or control their problems. They may be referred to by their specialism (listed below) or as a Chartered or practitioner psychologist. As a psychologist you would typically specialise in a particular area such as educational psychology, or clinical psychology.

If you would enjoy helping people with psychological difficulties and have excellent communication and listening skills, this could be an ideal job for you.

Assistant psychologists can earn around £15,000 to £23,000 a year. With experience, this can rise to between £30,000 and £40,000 a year. *
*Figures are intended as a guideline only.

On completion of the Level 3 in Educational Psychology course, learners can go on to study further in areas such as:

Course Features

Your Educational Psychology (Level 3) Course:

    This programme is designed for people who wish to gain an understanding of principles and practice of psychology as applied to education and learning.

Study Time

Study Hours are an approximate figure and are dependant upon how much time you can dedicate to your studies and how well you grasp the learning concepts in the course material. Furthermore, at the end of each lesson there is a question paper that needs to be completed and returned to your tutor. You should allow at least 1 - 2 hours of study to complete each question paper.

The approximate amount of time required to complete the Educational Psychology (Level 3) course is: 90 Hours

Study Time
Please select the average number of hours you can study per week.
Hours per Week
Completion Time (weeks)
* Please note that these are approximate figures.
Key Topics

The Level 3 in Educational Psychology course is divided into eight comprehensive units:

  • The Learning Process
  • Assessing Educational Performance
  • Individual Differences in Educational Performance
  • Students with Special Educational Needs
  • Learning and Teaching Styles
  • Student Motivation
  • Disruptive Behaviour
  • Design and Layout of Educational Environments

This course is marked through a process of continuous assessment guided by your tutor following ABC Awards guidelines. This means that your qualification will be awarded according to your performance on assessments rather than by taking an exam.

We send the full course out with the units listed above, you then read through the course in your own time and complete the assignments which you send to your tutor for marking. There is no word count for these assignments. However, one sentence answers will be rejected and you will have to re-submit it for marking.

Upon verification of the activities, exercises and assignments, a certificate of achievement will be awarded by ABC Awards, as confirmation that your written work has met all of the learning outcomes and assessment criteria for the programme.

Entry Requirements
No Entry Requirements

The good news is that no prior learning knowledge or experience is essential to take this course. This course is openly available to anyone wishing to learn more about Educational Psychology and would like to take part in a highly rewarding home study course. We believe that everyone should have the opportunity to expand their knowledge and study further, so we try to keep our entry requirements to a minimum.

You have the freedom to start the course at any time and continue your studies at your own pace for a period of up to 12 months from initial registration with full tutor support.

Home Study Support

You will be provided with comprehensive materials designed to provide you with everything required to complete your course of study. You will have your own personal tutor helping you with your course work and with any questions you may have. Plus you can contact our Student Advisors by email or phone for all the practical advice you may need – so we really are with you 100%.

What's more, you'll have access to the online student portal, where you can interact with other students, browse our resource library and manage your account.

Home Study Resources

You will be provided with comprehensive materials designed to provide you with everything required to complete your course of study. Your course fee covers all textbooks, study folders, and/or online learning aids designed for distance learning.

This Level 3 in Educational Psychology pack includes the Student Handbook with all relevant information that you would need to successfully complete the course.

Level 3 Educational Psychology Award

At the end of this course successful learners will be awarded a certificate of achievement by ABC Awards and a Learner Unit Summary (which lists the details of all the units you have completed as part of your course). The course has been endorsed under the ABC Awards’ Quality Licence Scheme. This means that this learning programme by Kendal Publishing has undergone an external quality check to ensure that the organisation and the courses it offers, meet certain quality criteria.

We have designed our training courses specifically to meet the needs of learners who prefer to study from home. The course measurable learning outcomes have been benchmarked at Level 3 (using Ofqual’s level descriptors) to allow you to consider the depth of study, difficulty, and level of achievement involved. The completion of this course alone does not lead to an Ofqual regulated qualification. but the unit summary may be used as evidence of knowledge and skills (Recognition of Prior Learning) if you wish to progress towards regulated qualifications in the future.

This course has been designed to meet specific learner or employer requirements. ABC Awards’ endorsement involves a robust and rigorous quality audit by external inspectors to ensure quality is consistently met.  A regular review of courses is carried out as part of the endorsement process.

Possible Career Path

Psychologists study people's behaviour, motivations, thoughts and feelings. They use their understanding of psychological theory, together with counselling and other forms of therapy, to help people avoid, overcome or control their problems. They may be referred to by their specialism (listed below) or as aChartered or practitioner psychologist. As a psychologist you would typically specialise in one of the following areas: educational psychology - helping children and young people to overcome difficulties and promote their educational and psychological development occupational psychology (sometimes referred to as organisational psychology) - helping businesses improve their performance and increase employees' job satisfaction health psychology - promoting healthy attitudes and behaviour, and helping patients and their families to cope with illness counselling psychology - helping people resolve their problems and make decisions, particularly at stressful times in their lives neuropsychology - helping patients with brain injuries and neuropsychological diseases to recover or improve their quality of life forensic or criminological psychology - using psychological theory to help investigate crimes, rehabilitate offenders and support prison staff (see the Forensic Psychologist job profile) clinical psychology - see the Clinical Psychologist job profile sports psychology - see the Sport and Exercise Psychologist profile. Some areas of psychology have no direct training route. For example, to become a 'child psychologist' you might first train as a clinical or counselling psychologist and then specialise in working with children. Or you could train in educational psychology and work with children in education.

Find out more about the Job Role for Psychologist .

What's Included

Our online courses are fully digitised so you can study on any smart device. Your learning programme is completely flexible so you can study at a pace that suits you. All our content is broken down into bite size chunks to make your learning more manageable and effective. Your course of study is broken down into units and sections, each of which contains lessons, activities and test papers. Courses are delivered on our Digital Learning Environment allowing you to study from anywhere on any smart device as long as you have access to the Internet. The course concludes by preparing you for examination using past papers in your chosen subject.

As a student, your course fee covers everything you will need to successfully complete the Educational Psychology home study course and earn your award:

  • Online study materials to enable the student to successfully complete the course.
  • Completion Certificate
  • Tutor marked assessments (TMAs)
  • Access to the online student portal (Student Chat, Forums and Online Support Resources)
  • NUS Extra Card (discounted membership)
  • One year educational support by e-mail.

You can also choose to pick from following while you are enrolling and avail the services at a highly discounted price for our students.

Makes your assignment submission and study on the move an absolute breeze. Available at a reduced price of £69.99 (RRP £99) to all students who enrol on 2 or more courses and pay for their course in full at the time of enrolment. Download your study materials and turn commuting time into profitable study time.

See the Specifications of the 'Android Tablet'

Reordering a course pack, if you have damaged yours, can be costly. You can usually expect to pay a huge price for a copy. The 12 month insurance Cover will meet the cost for you if your pack was damaged. We will send out another Course Pack at no extra cost if you send us a proof of the damaged course.

See the details of '12 Month Course Insurance'.

We support our students even after they have graduated from the college. Learning for Life Services include:

  • 1. Academic Reference: We are often asked to provide references for students by employers or colleges and universities. The aims of an academic reference are to confirm facts (confirm accuracy of statements made in any application) and to provide relevant opinion on the candidate's aptitude and ability.

  • 2. CV Refresh Service: When you successfully complete your course you will be entitled to our CV refresh service. We will update your current CV to ensure that your new skills and achievements are presented to the highest standard. We will also add your CV to databank of our sister company

  • 3. 25% off Courses: *(This offer cannot be used in conjunction with any other offers)

    For all students who successfully complete their course, you will be entitled to 25% off any future courses through eDistance Learning or it's partners.

    Furthermore this offer will be extended to your family and friends.

  • See details on 'Learning for Life'

Further Information
Award Level: Level 3 Award

Awarding Body: ABC Awards (

Format: Paper

If your course is being delivered online, please ensure you meet the minimum requirements below.

For Windows:
Windows 98, 2000, XP, Vista, Windows 7 - Acrobat Reader 4.0 and above

For Macintosh:
Mac OS X, Mac OS 9.2 - Acrobat Reader 4.0 and above

From time to time we may enrol our students with our partner sites; this is dependent on the number of students enrolling on a particular course and course material availability. If this happens, nothing changes for you other than the name of the college administering your course. We will continue to be your point of contact; you will get the exact same course you have enrolled on with the same high level of quality content and support.

This course can be enrolled upon by students internationally. There are no deadlines for enrolments.

Step One: It's simple - all you need to do now is choose whether you want to pay in instalments or in full and then click on the relevant enrolment button at the top of this page.

Step Two: Once you have selected your payment option to enrol you will be redirected (this can take a few seconds) to our PayPal payment page for you to select your payment method and complete your enrolment.

Step Three: Within 7 days (normally 48 hours) your enrolment papers and course materials will be with you. A tutor and a dedicated support advisor will also be allocated to you.

That's it..... Thanks and wishing you the best of luck with your studies.

Professional Membership

About ABC Awards

ABC Awards is a leading national Awarding Organisation, regulated by Ofqual, and the Welsh Government for their qualifications on the national framework i.e. the Qualifications and Curriculum Framework (QCF). It has a long-established reputation for developing and awarding high quality vocational qualifications across a wide range of industries.

As a registered charity, ABC Awards combines 180 years of examination and assessment expertise but also implements a responsive, flexible and innovative approach to the needs of our customers They are committed to developing qualifications, which help learners and organisations, by cultivating the relevant skills for learning, skills for employment and skills for life.They work with over 600 centers nationally and many tens of thousands of learners achieve an ABC Awards’ qualification each year.

How do I contact my tutor and submit assignments?

All our tutors are working professionals in their chosen fields and prefer to be contacted by email. In this way they can record your questions and progress.

Will my tutor answer my support requests quickly?

Yes, all tutors aim to give you feedback on your assignments within 10 working days. However, you do not usually have to wait this length of time.

How long do I have to complete the course?

Most courses are for 12 months from the date of purchase and we actively encourage you to complete within this time frame.

Can I extend my tutor support if I do not complete within 12 months?

Yes, we can extend your course for a further 6 months for a fee. We only allow one extension per course.

Are there any exams?

Most of our courses are designed to be completed through assessments so you are not required to take exams except for A Levels and some Bookkeeping courses. However, as mentioned elsewhere, the arrangement for a centre at which to sit your exams is for you to make.

How does distance learning work?

To ensure studying is flexible and convenient, most of our courses are divided into sections. You work through each section at your own pace and time. Once completed, send the test paper back to your personal tutor for marking. You will then move onto the next section once successfully completing the previous section. The support period is dependent on the type of course you choose; our minimum support period is one year.

When can I start the course?

The answer is simple, when YOU want; you can start the course at any time we do not have any set enrolment dates. Most of our courses don’t require any previous experience or qualifications. All you need is a desire and motivation to succeed. You can even start right now - call and speak to one of our Professional Course Advisors.

How long do the courses take?

This is dependent upon your choice of course and how fast you want to learn. A full breakdown of the course is available in your course literature. We do provide estimated number of study hours; ask our course advisors for details.

I want to buy a course that is not on the course list. What do I do?

Our website has an excellent list of the most popular courses on the market. However, we do have access to a more in-depth portfolio should you not find the course you are looking for. You can call our course advisors and discuss the course you are interested in.

Do the courses have tutorial support?

Yes, You will be allocated an experienced tutor who will guide you through the course, mark your assignments and generally help you with any problems you may have. Your tutors can be contacted via email and post. Please note that some of the courses do not have tutor support. Please check the course literature for details

Is the course work done online or sent via the internet?

Most of our courses are available in both Online & Paper formats. You can choose the way your want to study and submit your course work

Is there a time limit or any deadlines?

We do like you to complete the course within the tutor support period but we can extend this for a small charge (currently £65). If you follow the recommended study hours, this will give you a good guide to complete the course withim the specified time period.

Will I have to sit an examination?

Most of our paper based courses do not require you to sit examinations, only continual assessments. Where there are examinations required, you will receive all the information you need to make your own exam arrangements. Please note exam fees are not included in your course fee, unless otherwise stated.

How quickly will I receive my course material?

Once your payment has been received and cleared your enrolment should be processed within two days and your course materials delivered within 5 days, for customers who choose to pay in instalments this can take longer as we need a signed agreement back from you before we send the course materials.

I wish to cancel my course. How do I do this?

If you have decided that this is not the right type of course for you you may cancel your course, in writing, within the first seven days of having received it. You then need to return your materials to the address printed on the course pack. This is at your own expense and we would advise that you return the materials by a traceable service, as this is your responsibility until we receive the materials. Once we have received the materials, in good condition, we will organise a refund cheque to be sent to you. Please note that an admin fee will apply. If you required your materials to be delivered abroad, the additional postage charge will not be refunded.

Do I have to buy any other materials?

Our comprehensive course materials are designed to be self-contained with all the relevant information you require to complete the course and gain the relevant certification. However some of our students undertake additional reading via relevant textbooks/study guides and/or the Internet to add value to their studies.

I’m not sure of what course I should take? Can you help?

Yes we can, it is important that you pursue a course which you will enjoy. Although we cannot make this decision for you, we employ a team of dedicated Professional Course Advisors, who will guide you towards making the right choice. Whether you want specific information, or just a chat about what’s available, contact us now.

Why choose eDistance Learning?

The breadth and depth of our portfolio of courses means that we will have a course to interest you. We are committed to your success, and offer advice and support through every step of the process. We have a dedicated team of Professional Course Advisors that can give you access to career and recruitment advice, whilst offering excellent value and quality courses.

Please contact us if you have not found the answer you are looking for.

Course Outline

How is the course structured?

The  Level 3 in Educational Psychology course is divided into eight comprehensive units:

Unit 1
The Learning Process
- Behaviourist applications to learning
- Cognitive applications to learning
- Humanistic approach to learning

Unit 2
Assessing Educational Performance
- Types and limitations of psychometric testing
- Measuring Intelligence
- Types of performance assessment at different ages
- Implications of assessment and categorisation

Unit 3
Individual Differences in Educational Performance
- Gender differences
- Cultural differences
- Explanation for the differences
- Strategies for improving educational performance

Unit 4
Students with Special Educational Needs
- What are special educational needs?
- Assessment of SEN
- Specific difficulties
- Strategies for teaching students with difficulties

Unit 5
Learning and Teaching Styles
- Definitions, theories and measurement of learning and teaching styles
- Individual differences
- Improving learning effectiveness

Unit 6
Student Motivation
- Definitions
- Types and Theories - Physiological, Cognitive, Humanistic
- Attribution theory
- Learned helplessness

Unit 7
Disruptive Behaviour
- The definition and types of disruptive behaviour
- Effects of disruptive behaviour
- Strategies for dealing with disruptive behaviour

Unit 8
Design and Layout of Educational Environments
- Physical features of the classroom environment
- Effects of physical features on performance and feelings
- Creating better environmental conditions for learning

Course Fees

Our aim is to provide you with the best deal available, therefore the registration fee, certification fee and full tutor support is included in the course price for you. The enrolment fee for the Educational Psychology home study course is £368.75, though for a limited time we are offering you the opportunity to pay only £295 which is a 20% discount if you enrol online and pay in full.

You can also opt for our Easy Payment Plan and enrol online today by paying a deposit of £73.75 and then 4 equal payments of £73.75 per month. The first instalment is paid about a month after you receive your course.

Paper Version

With paper based study we post out the course materials to you. You can then review them in your own time and complete the assignments which you are required to submit to your personal tutor for marking and feedback.

PAY IN FULL £295.00 £295.00
PAY IN INSTALMENTS* £73.75 £73.75 4 £368.75

Custom Payment Plan

You can propose a custom payment plan below in order to pay for your course. Please use the sliders above the table to configure your custom plan and then fill out the attached form. One of our course advisors will contact you with a decision regarding your plan.

Custom Payment Calculator

Please select the amount you would like to pay each month

Please selection the amount of months you wish to pay over

Monthly Amount
Payment Length (months)

*Please note: One of our course advisors will attempt to create an instalment agreement based on the figures you have entered above, however the actual amount and length of the agreement may vary.

Submit Proposal

Custom Payment Plan

Please enter your details below and one of our course advisors will contact you regarding your request for a custom payment plan

Your suggested monthly payment is & your suggested payment length is months

Delivery Options

With paper and cd-rom course formats, we offer delivery options to many different countries. Please see the table below for more information.

Free £30 £60

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About Us

About Us

eDistance Learning is a privately owned organisation operated by the Dialgia Group. We bring together professionals in the distance learning market with around 50 years’ experience in both home learning and customer service, to bring you excellence. We have a comprehensive database of courses, containing the most sought-after national and international qualifications with high quality course content.

We offer the solution to the dilemma faced by most adults wishing to further their education :- “how do I fit learning into an already-busy life?”. With eDistance Learning it’s easy. Our courses are all taught via ‘supported home learning’ – so you have the freedom of being able to study any time at any place, with the peace of mind of knowing that a dedicated tutor is on hand. We use the latest and most varied methods – you can contact your tutor by mail, phone, fax or email. And we have formats of courses to best suit you, available in paper, cd-rom form or online.

Find Out More

Support Centre

Signing up for a distance learning course can be a big step but so worthwhile, you will not just improve your earning power, but gain confidence and transferable skills as well!

We want to ensure the end to end experience with eDistance Learning is as simple and straight forward as possible, and have provided a summary of helpful information and links to ease your journey into a new career.

  • Get In TouchGet In Touch

    We are always happy to hear from you, call, email, fax, live chat or complete an online form. We have a strict SLA to respond to an enquiry within 4 working hours.

  • Get In TouchPayment & Delivery

    Information regarding accepted payment types, terms of payment, delivery times and any associated charges.

  • Get In TouchPrivacy Policy

    Your privacy is important to us so we have set out a detailed charter on customer privacy and how we handle your data and how we protect it.

  • Get In TouchTerms & Conditions

    We always encourage our customers to review our terms and conditions before enroling on a course. This is to protect you as well as to ensure there is a clear understanding of our agreement with you.

  • Get In TouchGift Vouchers

    What a great idea for a business incentive or just as a present - do you know someone who could benefit with enroling on a distance learning course?

  • Get In TouchStudent Registration

    Once you have signed up for your course, we will send you your student enrolment number, which will then allow you to sign up to the student portal to access tutor support, forums, study guides and meet and chat to other students.

  • Get In TouchQualifications

    We understand the importance of having the right qualifications that will allow you to advance your career. This is the standard that an employer will benchmark your success upon. view our nationally recognised qualifications.

  • Get In TouchFAQ's

    Visit this section to get answers to the most commonly asked questions, if you can't find the answer to a questions - please do get in touch. You'll frequently asked questions relating to this course in the course features section above.

Course Finder

Use our search function below to find a course that's specific to your needs.

Course Options
Course Attributes

Home Study Experts

Home Study Experts

If you would like to talk to us about your choice of course please don't hesitate to contact one of our team of Course Advisors to discuss your options.

Complete the enquiry form opposite with the details of the course you are interested in and a specialist advisor in your chosen subject will call you back at your requested time.

Alternatively, talk to a Course Advisor through our Live Chat facility to the right hand side of this page, you can call us on local rate 0844 357 1110 or call us free on Skype ( 8.00am-8.00pm seven days a week.

If you are calling from outside the UK, please call 0044 705 006 2221, use Live Chat or complete the enquiry form and we will call you back.

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Easy Payment Plan

Easy Payment Plan

Are you looking to spread the cost of your course? Pay a deposit online and then spread the balance over four monthly payments.

We aim to make it as easy as possible for you to get started on your chosen course. Simply download the instalment agreement below, complete in full and return the signed agreement to accept the terms and conditions as set out here. Upon receipt of this agreement we will dispatch your course materials, tutor contact details, study guide and student portal login information within 48 hours.

Find Out More

Business Customers

Business Customers

eDistance Learning delivers high-quality online and paper based distance learning training services. Transform the skills of your employees and improve business performance and profitability.

Discover the benefits of learning with eDistance Learning and see how we can help your company. Call 0844 357 1110 or fill in the contact form below.

Once we understand what your business needs are, we can offer you expert training and funding advice. The helpline is open from 8am to 8pm, everyday.

Find Out More

Price Match

Price Match

When you enrol with us we want you to know you're getting the best course with the most comprehensive support structure at the best price. We're proud to offer you our Price Match Guarantee.

It's simple. We're so confident that we're offering you a fantastic deal - we'll refund the difference if you find the exact same course on any other UK website within 7 days of your purchase.

To request a price match refund, please fill out the form below including: the name of the website where the product is cheaper, your full name, telephone number and email if available. You will receive an automated acknowledgment of your request, and we will review the details and reply to you via email within three business days.

Upon our acceptance of your refund request, please allow 14 days for delivery of your refund which will be credited as a second transaction on your credit or debit card. The time taken for the refund to appear on your credit or debit card statement varies so the amount may not show on your next statement.

Please note: to avoid potential abuse and to enable us to honour our price-match refund guarantee to genuine customers, the acceptance of all refund requests is ultimately at the discretion of eDistance Learning, who will at all times act reasonably and in good faith.

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Ask A Question

Course Code
Award Level Level 3 Award
Format Paper
Study Time 90 Hours
Entry Requirements No Entry Requirements
£368.75 £295.00
£295.00 deposit + 4 monthly payments of £59.00 £73.75 £55.31 £55.31
Ex Tax: £295.00

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Breaking: CBN Sacks Skye Bank Board, Partially Takes Control Of Operation

The Central Bank Of Nigeria (CBN) has dissolved the board and management of Skye Bank.

The apex bank will partially take over the bank.

ALSO READ Global Oil Prices Rises As Brent Rises Above $50

No CBN or Skye bank official has reacted to this new information that has come to light.

Edliner will bring you more details later…

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Watch It! Practice Telling Time

4.7 based on 6 ratings

What time does the wrist watch say? This worksheet will help your kindergartener with her time-telling skills. To complete this exercise he will need to match the time displayed on each wrist watch with the time written on the page. When your child finishes this worksheet he will have gained practice telling time.

Kindergarten Time Worksheets: Watch It! Practice Telling Time
Download Worksheet

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