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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

It's been a couple of years since I last participated in this.. I've done an ornament exchange the last couple of years.. but I can't really see anyone wanting this one.. Actually it might look nice on the glass of the front door but it's way too heavy for my charlie brown tree..... actually the enameled leaves are really a much closer colour match than they appear to be in these pictures!

Holly with a bad hair day!

White bead is lampwork (mine) most of the components are copper wire or enameled copper sheet.  the holly berries are seed beads.

Hopefully the link to the hop will be added tomorrow?
ornament-blog-hop-party 2015

The list of participants is at the bottom of the blog!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

More on cat head pendants....

My first cat head commission was Tucker a black cat with a white chin...  I didn't even have a picture of him  I can visualize that.....

Next a Calico cat called Calipso  Cali for short as you can see she has nice regular markings... and that orange colour isn't a glass colour that is made... and she hissed at the photographer....

Markings for bead...  I found it was too difficult to keep looking at the photos and the bead is flat...
left one done from photo blech,  #2 I ran out of propane half way through, so while I was reheating it I  remixed my orange glass to finish this bead so  it has two colours of orange, 3 the whiskers are too fat, but I like the chin # 4 ..... will have to do!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Playing with paper.....

Prototype paper necklace..  Made from paper strips, the blue beads are etched glass and the orange seed beads are seed beads which are an awesome colour and also an awesome price  (ie expensive!)

Since I really enjoy wearing my paper necklace I made one for a New Brunswick charity auction, hopefully at least two  someone 'elses' will like this!  It also has small round amethysts between the beads.
Since Auction pieces need titles...
It's called

Saturday, July 11, 2015

A typical Saturday... One can only hope not!

This morning after spending the last 4 days going through every bucket of beads in the  350 sq/ft room I've claimed for my beads: at least 5 times.... I picked up a drawer with silver findings to put it back where it should belong, and guess what the missing beads were under the drawer...grrr

Then my first customer of the day came in and said :
"well you won't have very many customers for awhile"

Me "why?"

Her "that little girl"

Me "what little girl"

Her "well they found a dead little girl on Deer Island"

Me " there are a lot of Deer Islands and I haven't seen a cop car here since last summer, so I don't think so"

Her " there is more than one place called Deer Island????"

Me  "3 or 4 that I can think of"

Her  "Oh"

And guess what I had never even heard of Deer Island MA part of the greater Boston area  where the body was found, so there is now another Deer Island....  With the internet how can someone be out by that far on location!
ie: be that ignorant.. or is it stupid?

And what is a blog without an image...
A 'Netfloat' bracelet'  hand wound hollow beads made from Caliente Glass... and yes I have a fairly significant stash!

Monday, June 29, 2015

My Cat's had kittens!

I bought a metal press from Bavarian Beads in November.  First bead I mad with it I added glass to the top edge instant ears... and decided that the bead looked like cat heads and that's all I've made with the press cat head after cat head after cat head.....
The most recent batch of kittens!

A black raku kitty 'torti' with a custom enameled clasp because 2mm findings don't fit 2 mm leather cord!

This might eventually end up on my etsy site but at the moment they are being adopted as fast as mommy kitty can produce them!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Snow is gone - magnolia is blooming AND..... a jewellery post (drumroll please?)

I was sent two 'die-formed' pieces of copper just after Christmas from Art Jewelry Magazine
This was one of them after I punched a bunch of holes in it...

First coat of enamel
I made some of my red enameled poppies to decorate it.. they were suppose to go  around the bump but I couldn't get them to look good on that side so  they went in the bump!
Then I built it a hand made copper and bead chain...
The other piece was oval (I did trim it) The copper was heat treated then'riveted' to an enameled backing  and attached to a 'me-made' copper chain

Couldn't find my liver of sulpher so tried a boiled egg... Never again.  Mainly because I've found my liver of sulpher (right where it was suppose to be - and will never misplace it again)!  and my DH thought it was a major waste of an egg!

To see all the entries click here die-forming-challenge

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Snow is mostly gone so I can find the studio!

we're all sold but mommy knows how to make more!

Trying to come up with the perfect endcap for lentil beads

The other side  I think there's a crack because I used metal enamels for the implossion not glass enamels... may just be a weird bubble but whatever.. Guess it's mine!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Think we're loosing 'ground'!

St Paddy's Day Joke?
My car this morning... my car is the two little spots you see in the snow.. The car on the driveway with wheels is my husbands!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Guess this is progress?

Hate this time of year the snow is so dirty... but since it appears to be leaving ... all is good (for now anyway!)
See it really was a car!

Snow plow hit our railing....  looks pretty trashed!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

My car on March 4....

At least this was the last place I remember seeing my car!
The car is the little red dot about 18 inches from the truck!

The light has just about disappeared and the snowplow ripped the end off the railing which is totally buried!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Origins of Valentines Day

I was sent a request to review a book... The book was eaten by the postal system so never got reviewed.... So instead of reviewing the book I am posting an article on the origins of Valentines Day written by "Jassy de Jong the  author of the book I was suppose to review....

And I can't do a blog post without an image so in honour of valentines day here's one of my "Dance of the 7 Viels Heart" beads

I confess... I love Valentine’s Day.

Some call it over-commercialized. I say that’s just as well. Thank goodness for all those entrepreneurs out there, designing cards with hearts and glitter, and making teddy bears on sticks and ruby pendants and chocolates with red wrappers, and growing long stemmed roses. I mean, what would we give as gifts otherwise? Easter eggs? Pumpkins?

Some call it schmaltzy. Well, what do you expect? It’s a day celebrating love. Soppy, doting, romantic, couply love. It’s all about hand holding, intertwined fingers, long, deep gazes into each other’s eyes. It’s about saying, “You’re so amazing,” and getting the answer, “No, you’re so amazing, and then saying, “I’m so glad I met you,” and hearing, “No, I’m so glad I met you. Here, have some more champagne.”

I googled the origins of Valentine’s Day... I had a confused idea it was something to do with a saint rescuing a lot of animals, which sounded loving and very appropriate for a day filled with so much caring. But I found out I was wrong. The animal rescuer was St. Francis of Assisi and his celebration day is on October 4.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t quite have the romantic roots I hoped it would. The ancient Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia from February 13-15. During this time they sacrificed a goat and a dog, and then, while drunk and naked, whipped the women with the hides of the slaughtered animals. Say what? I’m struggling to see the romance in that. Apparently the women believed that a good beating made them more fertile, so they eagerly lined up for their punishment.

There was a matchmaking lottery as part of the festivities, where names were drawn out of a hat. If the match was right, the couple would get together for the duration of the festival.

Of course, it wouldn’t be ancient Rome if there weren’t some executions involved. History tells us that Emperor Claudius II executed two men, both called Valentine, on February 14th, during different years of his reign. Why on the same day? Who knows? But as a result, the Catholic Church began commemorating this day to honor their martyrdom.

It seems a big leap from whippings and slaughterings, to restaurants with elegantly designed menus featuring oysters, with tables set up for two. But seriously, aren’t we lucky in today’s modern times to be able to unwrap a carefully chosen gift while waiting for our heart shaped chocolate mousse to be served, instead of watching somebody flaying a dead goat before they start flogging us with the skin?

Valentine’s Day. It’s all about gratitude.

Oh, and love, of course.

Jassy de Jong was inspired to write her first novel, Random Violence, after getting hijacked at gunpoint in her own driveway.  She has written several other thrillers including Stolen Lives and The Place for Fallen Horses. De Jong also edits a hair and beauty magazine.  She lives in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg with her partner Dion, two horses and two cats.

·         Amazon:
·         Barnes & Noble:
·         Astor+Blue (publisher):

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Having a hard time posting without the weekly prompts..  12 days ago we had green grass ... then On Saturday Jan 24th we had snow...  Sunday was warm and it sort of melted.. enough to make everything icy... Then on Tues Jan 27 we had what was forecast as the storm of the century....  OK more snow ...  Then on Saturday Jan 31 we had a little Blizzard way more snow and wind than the storm of the century.... Sunday morning I jokingly said better go check the weather to see what time the next storm is starting...  HA HA Monday noonish... still yet more snow...  And the forecast for tonight is another 30 cm ( or 14 inches if you prefer Imperial!)

Here's a link to a blog post I did 6 years ago when I thought we had a lot of snow in Feb snow-snow-go-away  Here's a picture I took this morning
Remember the railing in the picture from 2009 beside the lamp post... It's GONE!

This is the view out the dining room window.. my very own Matterhorn!

Guess what folks I don't like snow anymore!

This is a close to the same angle as the 2009 picture as I could get.. hard to see over the snow banks left by the plow truck!  The 2009 snow was wet most of this snow has been accompanied by blowing snow and frigid temps!


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Nachos – veggie style

You already know how much we enjoy Mexican inspired food here …. And now, as we seek to reduce the meat in our diets, we have added these Nachos to our favourites.

These are totally plant based … And yet, the biggest carnivore says they are better than the ones we had out the other night …. Winner!

They are easy to make, inexpensive and pack a serious veggie punch!

  • 400g tin kidney beans
  • 400g tin black beans
  • 400g tin butter beans
  • 400g tin lentils
  • 400g tin refried beans
  • 2 medium carrots
  • 1 medium zucchini
  • Fist sized piece butternut pumpkin
  • 2 tbsp garlic olive oil
  • 1 heaped tsp Mexican seasoning
  • Salsa*
  • Corn chips
  • 2 large ripe avocados
  • 2 tsp lime juice
  • Pinch pink salt
  • 12 cherry tomatoes
  • Optional: cheese of choice

*the recipe for the salsa makes the equivalent of 3 jars. I use 1 jar in this recipe. The other 2 go in the freezer.

Grate the carrot, pumpkin and zucchini (I used my food processor)

Heat oil in a large pan, then add in the veggies.

Sprinkle the seasoning over the veggies then add in the salsa. Mix well.

Drain the lentils then add them into the veggie mix together with the refried beans.

Drain the remaining beans and place them in the food processor, pulse them several times until the beans are all roughly chopped.

Add these beans to the rest of the veggie mix.

Sir well to combine, then place lid on pan and cook, at a simmer, over a medium heat  for approximately 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Mash the avocado, then stir in the juice, salt and chopped tomatoes.

Place corn chips in the bottom of a bowl, spoon the nacho mix on to the chips and then top with the guacamole.

Add grated cheese if desired (Miss Ellie had Bio Cheese, but I enjoyed it without cheese!).

This makes enough nacho mix for 2 dinners for us. The leftover portion freezes and defrosts well.

Enjoy 🙂

3 thoughts on “Nachos – veggie style

    1. Hi Jody, in the ingredients list, where the seasoning and salsa are listed, if you click on them they are a link to my recipes for those items.
      Otherwise you could just check the packets in store. I think lots of them would be at least df. Good luck

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Beware of Scammer Camera Stores

And beware of sites that SCRAPE other people’s posts instead of writing their own in hopes of getting you to click on their ads. This post has been scraped several times now, all by flagrant scraping sites. If you’re not reading this on jayleenb.wordpress.com do me a favor and don’t click their links. They are trying to make money on other people’s blog posts without compesating the writers. Jerks.

If the price seems too good to be true… It probably is. In November of 2006 when I purchased my Canon Digital Rebel xti I searched the web for a good price since I had a tight budget. I found a place (can’t even remember the name now, but I’m sure they’re long gone) that advertised a very low price. So I figured I would buy the body only and get the lens elsewhere. I ‘researched’ the company and in one of those shopper comparisons it was given 5 stars and had lots of reviews. Great. So I ordered happy I had found such a great deal..

Later that day I got an email telling me the order didn’t go through and I needed to call them. So I did. The ‘salesman’ tried to get me to add everything under the sun to my order at prices that were outlandish. I repeatedly told him I only wanted the camera body. He assured me the order would be processed.

Two days later, I got another email telling me the order had not been processed. Same thing happened. Only this time I was told, after refusing all the extras, that if I bought only the camera body, it would not have a warranty or a battery. Say huh? AND it would take 6 weeks to ship it to me. He got really nasty with me too when I inquired how any new camera would not come with a basic warranty (can you say gray market?). I had already had uneasy feelings and that really told me they were a scam. So I cancelled the order and called Canon to report them. Canon explained that these places open up on one corner, rip off as many people as they can and then move. They were not authorized dealers (surprise, surprise) and they thanked me for the heads up.

I thought that would be the end. But I got a call later that day from my bank asking me if I was attempting to purchase an airline ticket to Paris, France. No, I hadn’t. Needless to say I had to close that card out and open a new one. Now, I can’t say for sure it was that slimeball from that shady camera place, but what a coincidence since he told me I’d be ‘sorry’ when I cancelled my order.

How they got the 5-star rating I’ll never know. But I found a site to register complaints and they had plenty of them. I’m writing this for two reasons. I’ve added an affiliate to my blog and that reminded me of this experience. My affiliate is one that I have done much business with and has always been a good company to deal with. I learned my lesson and hope to help as many of you avoid a similar experience by shopping with a reputable company that has been in business for years. I’ve purchased a lot of equipment in the past and these folks are the ones I’ve chosen to affiliate with. I don’t want to mention their name in the same post with the experience with the jackels.

And yes, if you purchase through them buy clicking through from my site, I will make a little bit of money. So check them out and I’ll be posting reviews soon on the equipment I currently use and why, and other equipment I’ll be testing soon. 🙂

~ by Jayleen on March 22, 2008.

2 Responses to “Beware of Scammer Camera Stores”

  1. http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,107855-page,1/article.html

    Those Brooklyn (and other NY camera shops) are NOTORIOUS for that kind of crap.

  2. Thanks for the heads-up!
    I sort of knew about these characters; key words being ‘sort of’.
    We have to be careful when buying on the internet.

    “Guided by the Ancestors”

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Jenny's Library

Archive for May 2013

I’ve read few books that have made me as angry as Rishe-Gewirtz’s debut novel, Zebra Forest, has.

[Caution: Serious spoilers ahead!] Read the rest of this entry »

Five  Must Read Posts

cover image for DeliriumDelirium by Lauren Oliver

Lena is almost old enough to be cured – of Love.  She can’t wait until she no longer has to worry about becoming sick, like her mother was.  But we need a plot, so of course she falls in love with another uncured before the procedure can happen.

With a different premise – one that actually makes a tiny bit of sense – this wouldn’t have been a bad book, only pedestrian.  Sadly, though, we don’t get any kind of logic.  This isn’t a Vulcan type suppression of all emotion, nor a focus on romantic love only. It is, for no apparent reason, a singling out of Love of all kinds.  Including the love parents have for their often obnoxious and time-consuming offspring. Yet no explanation is given for how this utopia managed to curb infanticide.  As this bad bit of world-building was just one of a great many things that annoyed me about this book, I strongly suggest not attempting to read it.

Cover image for Hold FastHold Fast by Blue Balliet

Early’s home has never been fancy.  But she’s always had one, and her parents have worked had to provide for her and her brother – and to fill their lives with words, poetry, and books. But when her father, Dash, goes missing and thieves ransack their apartment, Early, Jubilation, and their mother, Summer, are left with no choice but to move into a city shelter. Will Early ever have a home again? And how can she find her father when her world is in such disarray?

A respectful and suspenseful story about what it really means to be a child without a home.  The neatness of the ending stretched belief, but it’s appropriate in a novel for elementary school readers and it managed to stay away from false platitudes.  It may give some kids hope, or at least help them feel less alone, and it will certainly expose many to the challenges that other children face.

cover image for The Truth About ForeverThe Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen

Macy has the perfect boyfriend. The only problem is that he’s going to be away for the summer, leaving Macy to fill in at his job at the library.  But even though her coworkers hate her and she’s not a genius like Jason, Macy is determined to be perfect at it anyway. Because being perfect is the only thing that has kept everything from falling apart.

Drama! Angst! Romance!  Everything one expects from a Dessen novel, including the protagonist figuring out how to talk to her mothe.  And realizing that she deserves a better boyfriend than the one she has.  Not Dessen’s best, but entertaining enough.

cover image for Betsy and Tacy Go Over the Big HillBetsy and Tacy Go Over the Big Hill by Maude Hart Lovelace

Betsy and Tacy and Tib are old enough to go on even more adventures by themselves, and wander even farther from home than before.  They aren’t sure that their parents would be pleased to discover that they’ve gone all the way over the Big Hill and into the town below.  But when they meet a very interesting girl from the other side of the hill while picnicking atop it, they figure they only polite thing to do is to go visiting.

Now this was a fascinating story to read.  I was rather pleasantly surprised to find not only a Syrian community in a book written almost 75 years ago, but also a fairly respectful description of said community.  Although, not one completely without Fail.  Also, the entire story culminated in a parade that wasn’t just a celebration of America, but very much about American superiority over the Syrian’s homeland.  Still, despite its faults, I’m very much tempted to keep a copy on hand for the next time someone talks about diversity in children’s books as if it were a recent liberal invention.  Not to mention the next time someone tries to argue that we’ve made great strides in that area! – yeah, not as much as you think; I’ve definitely read books that are both more racist and more recently published.

cover image for OrleansOrleans by Sherri Smith

I’m going to attempt to do a proper review for this soon, so for now all I’m going to say is that it’s awesome and you all should read it.

Chapter 4: Pollution of Agency

Russ spends much of this chapter demonstrating that even though it’s no longer scandalous for women to be writers or actresses, women writing about certain aspects of their lives is still considered immodest and renders the author unfit and unloveable in the eyes of popular culture.

photo of actor Quvenzhané Wallis

How sweet is Quvenzhané Wallis in this (and every) picture?

Sadly, I think the mores of the past are not nearly as diluted as all that.  Actresses may no longer be considered “used goods” but sometimes it seems only barely.  As I was reading this chapter my mind kept going back to the appalling behavior of this year’s Oscar host.  Not just when McFarlane called then nine year old Quvenzhané Wallis a gendered, sexual slur on national television.  Not to mention the myriad of other gendered and sexualized insults aimed at the women that were supposedly there to be honored.  But also how important it was to the punchline in his “We Saw Your Boobs” song and dance that the actresses mentioned felt ashamed for having done the job they were paid to do.  To the point that, rather than leaving it to chance, they filmed staged reaction shots showing the actors mentioned hiding their faces and looking shocked and embarrassed.  This wasn’t just a silly song about boobs, it was above all a song about how it’s shameful to be a woman who has let the public see her breasts.

photo of actor Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron wants to know how anyone finds McFarlane funny.

Let’s also not pretend that this scorn of women performing sexuality is something only raving sexist pigs do.

This morning my timeline was all a-twitter over Ms. Magazine’s Spring 2013 cover story about Beyonce, her feminist viewpoints, and her work as a performer.  Most of the women of color that I follow were rightly pointing out that Mainstream (= White) feminists and feminist organizations are a lot quicker to question the feminist credentials of performers of color, while at the same time defending white feminist creators (such as Lena Durham), even when their version of feminism is clearly problematic.

photo of Beyonce

Beyonce doesn’t have time for all this bullshit.

I wonder too if there’s not something to the fact that Beyonce’s public persona, unlike Madonna’s or Lady Gaga’s, is perceived to be Diva rather than Avante-Garde.  There’s echos of the porn wars here, with Lady Gaga being given a pass where Beyonce is not because the latter is perceived as showing off her body only because it makes her money, while the former is assumed to be showing skin in order to make an artistic statement.

photo of Madonna

Madonna wants to remind all of us that we live in a Material World.

An assumption that is also racist.  First for ascribing loftier goals to the white performer.  But also in they way that this viewpoint assumes that black women’s experiences with the Beauty Myth are (or should be?) the same as white women’s, when that’s clearly not true.  Beyonce being beautiful, talented, and sexy during the Super Bowl half time show means something very different culturally than a white female performer doing the same.  Any discussion of her feminism that doesn’t take that into account is going to fail by definition.

In conclusion, knock it the hell off Ms. Magazine; I suspect Russ would be very disappointed in you today.

Apologies for the radio silence, I’ve been a bit busy lately.

Class finished up last weekend.  The weekend before that I flew out to New York (state) for Pippi to Ripley, an academic conference on “the female figure in fantasy and science fiction.”

I presented on how the media talks about science fiction “for girls” and got to meet Tamora Pierce, who gave the keynote speech. Ms. Pierce was so very nice and spent a good deal of time with everyone who wanted her autograph, talking to them about her books and answering questions.

As you can guess, it was a great weekend.  It was also a friendly but low key conference; I strongly recommend it for fans in the area and/or other first time presenters looking for a place to get their feet wet.

However, I’m completely crap at taking notes at these things, so if you want more detailed information, I suggest heading on over to Kate Nepvue’s livejournal.  Be sure to check out her post about her own presentation as well, it was quite interesting and well done.

cover image for HuntressHuntress by Malinda Lo

When a never ending winter threatens the kingdom, it’s clear to everyone why the oracle stones have chosen Taisin, one of the most promising students at the Academy of Sages, as part of the envoy sent to the Fairy Queen for help.  What’s less clear is why Kaede, the very unmagical daughter of nobles, is chosen to go along as well.  But Kaede’s addition to the small group makes Taisin nervous for an entirely different reason; Taisin has been having disturbing and prophetic dreams about Kaede.

The pacing here was much better than in Ash, the characters deeper and full of life, and the plot had more purpose and direction.  Where Ash was interesting and angsty in a mellow sort of way, Huntress was much more complex and immediate, and the action moved more quickly and came with more tension.  There was still room for improvement, but it’s a good story overall. And yes, the romance between Taisin and Kaede is a big part of what makes it enjoyable.

cover image for The ChaosThe Chaos by Nalo Hopkinson

The volcano that appeared out of nowhere in the middle of Lake Ontario is the least of Scotch’s problems. She’s more concerned with finding her older brother, getting rid of the tar-like rash she’s picked up, and dealing with the disembodied horse heads that have started following her.

This was an odd story.  Not necessarily in a bad way; much of the oddness was fun even if it didn’t make any sense most of the time.  The problem came, as it often does in Wonderland stories, in wrapping everything up.  Lessons were Learned, Relationships Grew, and Nothing Was Ever Going to Be the Same – but how exactly does one return from Wonderland when the problem is that Wonderland has come to you?

That said, I suspect much of the story not making sense to me has to do with my ignorance of various myths and tales from non-Western, so I may have to reread it after having done some more research.

Also, may we have more YA characters like Scotch please?  In speculative fiction in particular.  All too often the Scotches of YA, when they exist, get relegated to realistic fiction; I, for one, would like to see more of them taking on volcanoes, Baba Yaga, and whatever else the universe might want to throw at them.


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Jenny's Library

Books 2014: Statistics

Posted on: June 26, 2016

Books 2014: Statistics

The numbers themselves are pretty self-explanatory for 2014, owing to the fact that I read just about 100 books. So the percentages are pretty much exactly what the totals are.

However, since I am years late posting this, I thought that I’d include a reminder/explanation as to why I even keep track in the first place.
The main reason is because my brain is weird and I find it interesting to compare all these numbers.

I also do it because, as a youth services librarian, I feel that it’s important that I read a certain amount of books, and certain amount of different types of books, in order to do my job properly. My main concern is making sure that my reader’s advisory suggestions are varied and current. I currently only order teen ebooks, so it’s not like I need to keep up on new picture books in order for my library’s collection to stay current. However, reading widely and often also helps with storytimes, displays, and all kinds of other responsibilities.

The reason why I keep track of different types of age/format categories should be pretty obvious, given the reasons I’ve stated above. But I suspect many people may be confused as to why I care about keeping track of how many authors of color that I read, or how many books by men that I read.

It still comes down to my wanting to be able to provide quality reader’s advisory.

Back around 2012 or so, I began to notice that whenever I’d go to pull books for kids to look over – middle graders in particular – most of the time, the protagonists were all white. The kids I was helping however, were not. Not that this would still be acceptable if the patrons had been all white, but there’s a particular sort of erasure and “not really actually being helpful” and “likely not inspiring kids to read more” to a white, middle class librarian constantly suggesting that kids of color read books that feature only white, middle class kids.

There are a huge number of useful lists I can go to to find suggestions for books that feature protagonists of color, but the way reader’s advisory works, it’s not always very effective or efficient to rely on those lists in the moment. I’ve found these lists incredibly valuable in terms of both collection development and choosing my own reading material, but lists usually don’t capture things like: tone, sense of humor, relationship dynamics, pacing, and the like. I’m also just more likely to remember and therefore suggest a book that I’ve actually read, even if I didn’t personally like it.

So if what I’m concerned about is the identity of the protagonist, why am I instead keeping track of authors? After all, there isn’t a one to one correlation. People write about people that are different from them all the time; this is as true of authors of color as it is of white authors. That’s kinda how it needs to be.

About the same time that I was deciding that I needed to improve my reader’s advisory, I was also reading a lot of articles by Rudine Sims Bishop, and one of the things that she talked a lot about in the articles I read (in addition to coining the concept of “mirrors and windows”) was authenticity, and how important it is that the children being written about are neither stereotypes nor disconnected from their communities and history. While reading books by authors of color isn’t a guarantee that this won’t happen, it does dramatically decrease the chances that it will.
It also has the bonus of supporting authors of color, which is important in and of itself.

So, now that the explanation is out of the way, how did I do?

Books Read by Type

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Books Read by Gender of Author

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Books Read by Race/Ethnicity of Author

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First, I think it’s clear that I did a lousy job of reading from all the different age/format categories. Which is part of why I set specific goals for myself in that regard for 2015 and 2016.

Secondly, I was a little surprised by the breakdown by gender. I read significantly fewer books by men in 2014 than I did in 2013. As I said in 2013, I’m not as concerned about that, as books by men don’t suffer overall from less promotion and my overall reading history is likely skewed more in favor of men because of the way that required reading is more likely to have been written by men. However, I might revise that assessment if this percentage persists, because that might mean that I’m not reading enough books by men of color or enough of the new, popular books.

Last but far from least, from 2013 to 2014 I increased the percentage of authors of color I read. I also read fewer books in 2014 than I did in 2013, so the number of books by authors of color that I read didn’t really increase. Which is why my goal for 2015 wasn’t to read a greater percentage of books by authors of color, but to maintain the 1:2 or better ratio of “books by authors of color : books by white authors” while also reading more books overall. We’ll see how well that worked out in a few days.

More importantly though, I now no longer find myself realizing after the fact that all the books I’m suggesting to kids have white protagonists. I don’t even always have to consciously think about it, either, when suggesting books, in order to make sure this doesn’t happen. My reading suggestions are now more “naturally” balanced and diverse. Which was the end goal.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll stop keeping track of this data anytime soon. And at some point I’ll likely try to increase the percentage of books I read by authors of color. Or, take a year or two to keep track of how many books by LGTBQIA authors I read, etc. But it does mean that all this number crunching did what it was supposed to. Which makes me very happy, and hopefully means I’m doing a better job as a librarian.

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Social Media Advice

I am taking a class this semester called Changing Environments and one of my assignments is to interview people in an area of business that I want to learn more about. For this assignment, I chose social media as my area to learn more about because I love blogging and I want to find ways to turn my blog into a career. So, instead of interviewing individual people about social media I figured I would use my blog to get advice from all of the wonderful people that I am connected with in social media. More

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Hey! Remember when Sarah Palin was on the cover of Newsweek and Fox News got up in arms because the close-up hadn't been retouched? (Given that it was only last week, I'm gonna go with yes.) Megan very correctly diagnosed this a would-be tempest in a battered teapot, but the fracas sparked a discussion of the ethics of the Photoshop: Is there even such a thing as an objective portrait? What are the responsibilities of the photographer? For that matter, why should it even matter what a politician looks like? Well, says The Atlantic's Virginia Postrel, it's because "accuracy is not the same thing as truth." And at the end of the day, which one do we want?From the subject's perspective, that's a no-brainer. As Postrel puts it, "except for professional models, photo subjects generally expect the wedding album standard to apply: Photos should look realistic, but as attractive as possible. Anything else, whatever artistic justification the photographer or editor may put forward, feels like an ambush. Nobody voluntarily agrees to an unappealing portrait." Postrel makes the point that there is no such thing as one "reality": "Every portrait is inherently false: a static, two-dimensional representation of an ever-changing, three-dimensional face...Even without deliberate distortions, a still photo captures distractions that the mind edits out." To eliminate a distracting hair or bit of natural discoloration is actually to enhance the "trueness" of an image, since it's more like the impression one would receive from meeting a person in life. "Portraiture chooses one image at one moment to stand for the complexities of a personality and a life." As opposed to a plain old photo, a portrait in this sense is for the ages - a picture of a person rather than a person at a particular moment in time. Okay, so we get why people want minimal touch-ups. I get why, too, in the wake of the Jill Greenberg fiasco, Republicans and those who love them are extra-touchy on the subject, especially when Palin's looks have been a major selling point. The real issue, of course, is that we're so used to perfection that we can't handle normalcy. We're used to the airbrushing of covers — we've come to expect that and some even like it — but it's only recently that we've needed to add it to our lives: Facebook and MySpace, of course, but also dating services and camera phones that have become a part of everyone's daily existence. We've talked plenty about how much we as a sex loathe being photographed, the neuroses and pressures that render the selection of a Facebook photo traumatic. This is not who I am!, you want to scream when a picture goes up without your consent. But what, at the end of the day, is "perfection?" What for that matter is beauty? The most interesting element of the piece, for me, was the author's assertion that it's often animation - so appealing in real life - that can make someone appear "unphotogenic."

Candid shots are particularly perilous for people with animated faces, who illustrate their speech with bulging eyes or distorted mouths. In person, they look lively and entertaining. But, in between more flattering expressions, they produce a lot of strange shots. That's why Hillary Clinton's enemies have no trouble finding silly photos of her, while Barack Obama's foes must make do with shots in which the candidate isn't gazing glamorously upward. Obama's cool countenance makes weird candid shots less common.

Mobility, life, is ironically the enemy of posterity - or maybe not ironically at all. Models are not valued for sparkling vivacity, but for the ability to conjure a slow-motion approximation of real emotion. What we perceive as 'beauty,' as perfection, is a face essentially devoid of expression. This is not new; portraiture or daguerreotypes wouldn't exactly have been facilitated by an animated model. But it does seem strange that the same conventions - the idea of "best portrait" should still adhere to constraints imposed by the necessity of antiquated media. Perhaps it might be a stretch to suggest it, but it does seem like there's something pernicious in the equation of blank serenity with beauty. (And yes, I speak as someone whom the camera tends to catch 90% of the time in some awkward expression-transition.) We're told over and over, if somewhat disingenuously, that beauty is more than the physical - yet we're implicitly encouraged to reduce ourselves to a blank and "objective" composite of features for the school picture, the graduation portrait, the wedding announcement. The serene mask that means beauty is, when you think about it, a black canvas: the "mystery" of beauty is that we can project onto it - a face animated with expression and thought has already been inhabited and claimed by the wearer and is, perhaps, the less beautiful for it. Which brings us back to those politicians and their portraits. What they want - need - is not so much perfection as blankness without distraction. They must be a reassuringly blank slate onto which people can project virtues and hopes and, most significantly, a bit of themselves. Because at the end of the day, however critical we might be of our realities, there's nothing in the world more appealing than the dream of our perfect selves. The Politics Of The Retouched Headshot [The Atlantic] Related: The Sarah Palin Non-Photoshop Chop: Fox News Wants To Alter Your Reality


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Meet 7-year-old Aubrey Conlon of Skokie, Illinois. She's a little kid who likes clothes. Or, as the New York Times would have it, she is living evidence that some children have an innate grasp of fashion and its workings. A deeper, purer love of clothes than any mere adult. Perhaps even the possessor of "a style gene." (That was first theorized by Pinker, right?)

"I like dresses," she said while combing through the racks at The Children's Place on a recent Saturday, "but I don't want the long ones. I like flowers. They look feminine, and I like clothes that are different designs, like a dress that's half one design and half another."

As if to stress her point, she darted into a fitting room with an exuberantly colorful mixed-floral print jumper, then stepped out briefly to accessorize, pulling off a shelf a pair of pink flip-flips with a perfectly keyed-in pansy design.

Aubrey, who has never leafed through a fashion magazine, much less seen a runway show, was, as it happens, right on trend, her picks echoing many of the looks paraded on designers' spring runways. She would seem to possess what some people call a style gene, an innate sense of cool that guides her preferences as surely as the most sophisticated GPS.

This argument — that some children are the inchoate instruments of trends that they could not articulate and have never consciously witnessed, and that children therefore possess some unadulterated, natural, astral-plane understanding of fashion — would make sense if Aubrey had drawn the pattern for the apparently very on-trend dress herself. It would make sense if Aubrey had had the dress made from fabric whose print she also designed. And if Aubrey had done all this without her parents. But I'm going to go ahead and make the wild assumption that the reason Aubrey's dress "echo[es] many of the looks paraded on designers' spring runways" is because that dress was purchased in a store that sells clothing designed by grown-ups who work in fashion. By design teams tasked with ensuring that even children's apparel brands keep their seasonal offerings trendy and fresh-looking. Whether Aubrey reads a fashion magazine or not is immaterial — because those apparel companies subscribe to stacks of them. They have whole meetings about them.

Please. Aubrey may have strong opinions about what she likes to wear — plenty of kids do! — but she is, like all children, a consumer who can only exercise her agency via adult parental proxy, in a marketplace that is designed and run by adults. Adults whose job it is to pay attention to trend forecasting reports and Pantone's colors of the season-after-next.

Sorry, Aubrey. Just like Andy Sachs, you only thought you picked the cerulean sweater because you "liked" it.

Photo via BlueOrange Studio/Shutterstock

Children Show Their Style Gene [On The Runway]


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A new federal lawsuit alleges that Mergermarket, a respected financial news and data company, is a "boy's club," rife with blatant and aggressive sexual harassment. The two women who filed suit say male employees circulated a "hot list" of the company's most fuckable women and that unwanted sexual touching at company parties by male employees in the sales department was commonplace. Speaking on conditions of anonymity, several current and former female employees told Jezebel they had experienced similar harassment during their time there; one told us that life on the "hot list" made working at Mergermarket unbearable.

While it's only been lightly mentioned in the media, the world of financial journalism has been buzzing with whispered gossip about the lawsuit, filed by Valeria Girimonte and Flavia Santana, two former sales employees at Mergermarket. The women, who are both Latina, are alleging that they were held back and discriminated against at the company because of their gender and their ethnicity. (Mergermarket strongly denies the allegations, calling the suit a "transparent ploy" and pointing out that the women went on to found a competing business.)

Mergermarket produces four main trade publications for people working in finance and law: besides Mergermarket, there's Debtwire, Biopharm Insight, and DealReporter. Mergermarket is also the first job for many young journalists getting into finance reporting; one person we spoke to likened it to a "farm league" for big-deal publications. Many people in both sales and editorial have gone on to work at the world's largest financial news sources, places like Forbes and the Wall Street Journal. (Full disclosure: a former Mergermarket employee currently works at Gawker Media, Jezebel's parent company. His spouse is still employed by Mergermarket. Neither of them were interviewed for or are quoted in this story in any form.)

Between 2006 and 2013, when all of the allegations in the lawsuit took place, Mergermarket was owned by the Financial Times Times group, one of the oldest and largest financial newspapers in the world. FT sold the company in 2013 to a private equity group, BC Partners, and did not respond to a request for comment on this story.

Santana and Girimonte allege that Mergermarket was also a viciously hostile work environment for women. In the complaint, which you can read in full below, Girimonte says that she and Jonathan Reed, a managing director at the company and her direct supervisor, were in a sexual relationship that began a few months after she was hired to work in sales at Debtwire. After the relationship ended, the complaint alleges, "Reed became increasingly critical of Girimonte's performance," telling her she wasn't "cut out" to be a sales person.

Girimonte says that she reluctantly agreed to transfer to a research position from sales, taking a pay cut along the way. She claims that it was part of Mergermarket's corporate culture, "where male supervisors regularly pursued romantic relationships with their female subordinates and were shielded from any resulting consequence." The complaint also alleges that Mergermarket "had a practice of transferring female employees" after their relationships with their male supervisors ended.

Girimonte says she didn't complain, both because she feared retribution from Reed and because she believed from talking to other coworkers that relationships between supervisors and subordinates were "condoned, if not encouraged."

Santana, the other plaintiff, says in the complaint that she was hired the year after Girimonte to work as the sales director for the company's Latin America division. She alleges that Reed soon began making comments on her looks and remarking, the lawsuit says, "on the size of her breasts." The lawsuit adds that when she received positive feedback from clients, Reed told her it was "because of her looks," not her performance.

Santana alleges that she and Reed began an "intermittent affair" between 2011 and 2012, and that she was uncomfortable saying no to his advances because of his position as her boss. At the same time, Santana claims, Reed "singled her out for professional scrutiny," criticizing her, for example, for being too outspoken at meetings. She says that he began pressuring her to quit in mid-2011, telling her she'd be better off, the suit says, "in a smaller work environment."

Both women in the lawsuit also allege that they were discriminated against for being Latina, saying they were paid less and that their superiors cracked jokes about their accents.

Santana alleges that Reed continued to "pressure her for sexual favors" after their affair ended in 2012, asking her to show more cleavage, "spread her legs" for him and telling her he couldn't talk to her "because she aroused him too much."

The suit adds:

Reed often became intoxicated and touched Santana inappropriately. Mergermarket staff were expected to attend company parties, during which they were pressured to drink excessively. Employees that did not drink were labeled as "no fun," and alienated within the office. Male employees were given license to sexually harass female coworkers at these events. On several occasions, Reed insisting on kissing Santana goodbye on the cheek but intentionally missed and kissed her mouth instead.

There are two large company parties each year at Mergermarket, a holiday party in the winter and a pool party in the summer. Several female employees in both sales and editorial told Jezebel they too were sexually harassed at those parties. (Every current and former employee, even those supportive of the company, spoke to Jezebel only if their names and other identifying details would be withheld. Everyone quoted worked at the company within the last seven years, and most far more recently than that.)

"At these parties, there was a lot of debauchery and a lot of drug use," says a former female employee, whom we'll call Sarah. "A lot of inappropriate behaviors, like touching and kissing and fondling. Most definitely some of it was unwanted and unsolicited. I can't speak for everyone, but from what I saw I think a great deal of it was unwanted."

Another former employee, whom we'll call Nina, said she was sexually harassed at company parties "multiple times."

"Someone would try to kiss me and you'd have to forcibly push them off," she says. "It happened half a dozen times at least." The reaction from her bosses, she says, was to dismiss what had happened as no big deal. "It wasn't like, 'That person needs to get punished,' it was like, aren't our parties so much fun?"

They aren't just "fun," several female employees allege, but required.

"It is important to be present at the parties," says a current female employee, "Brooke." She adds, "It's not just women who feel that way, it's men as well." A former female editor told her that "visibility" at company events was an important part of her success, she says.

Brooke, too, says she was groped at a company party in 2012. A sales employee grabbed her butt, she says. "He tried to do it in a sneaky, disgusting way."

Brooke says she didn't complain about the incident: 'I didn't make a complaint. I just gave him a dirty look. I was more taken aback that it was an employee in a work environment."

Sarah alleges that Mergermarket's CEO, Hamilton Mathews, "set the tone" for the company as being the kind of place where partying was important to advance professionally.

"If there was a promotion coming up, you might not get it," she remembers. "If pay raises were coming out, it might be a factor. Not the only factor but I'm sure it would be factored in. To succeed at Mergermarket you had to party with upper management. You had to be seen as a partier, someone who was kind of in the club, so to speak."

The suit alleges that male employees, including some high-ranking ones, also behaved inappropriately towards women in the office, circulating a "hot list" that "ranked the attractiveness of female colleagues."

Both Sarah and Nina say they believe the list existed, and that they learned they were on it from male colleagues. Once she achieved that dubious honor, Nina adds, her work environment went sharply downhill.

"It was really difficult to be taken seriously," she explains. "The content that we write is highly technical and really difficult. There's a ton of very smart people that write there. And I think the moment that you were seen as not intelligent—pretty, dumb, whatever constitutes being hot in those mens' eyes—that was what they saw you for. Not your work. No matter how good your work was." She calls the list "a huge part of why I left."

Sarah says the whole company had the feel of a frat house crossed with the very young, male-dominated start-up company it once was, from the hot list to the party groping to the distinct lack of an HR department.

Several people interviewed for this story say that for years, there was no dedicated human resources department, but a single person who would come in from Pearson, Mergermarket's former parent company. (More recently, the company has hired its own HR department.)

"I don't think they ever really grew up, to be honest," Sarah says.

Mergermarket strongly denies the allegations in the lawsuit, writing in a statement to Jezebel:

This is a transparent ploy by two former disgruntled employees who have set up a rival service. We have strict policies in place which prohibit discrimination of any kind.

A current male employee who's been at the company for many years agrees.

"It's all complete, complete bullshit. It's just outright sad," he tells Jezebel. "I've been at this company for a long time. I've seen everyone being taken care of so, so well. Like no other company I've ever worked at. On the day you start in the US, you get fully paid vacation. It's so flexible. You can dress however you want. All of our [benefit] plans are excellent. People get rewarded well with great bonuses and opportunities. There's nothing bad that can be said about this company. What they've alleged is shocking."

He called the allegations of groping "just laughable, to tell you the truth," adding that he'd been to many of the parties described in the lawsuit. "I have never seen anyone grope anyone." The allegations, he said, are "outrageous and painful for friends they had here. This is absolutely tragic and unwarranted." The employee, who said he was at one time a friend of the plaintiffs, said he was puzzled that the women had filed the lawsuit under their married names, not what he called "their recognized names."

"Why not be fully transparent if you're going this route?" he added.

Girimonte and Santana both say in the lawsuit they were pressured to quit, and that Mergermarket then threatened to sue Girimonte for breach of contract. They went on to found a competing financial information company, REDD Intelligence. They're asking for a trial by jury, as well as back wages, as well as compensatory damages for "emotional pain, distress and loss of reputation." (A spokesperson for REDD declined to make them available for comment on the suit.)

Another current male employee who hadn't heard about the lawsuit before he was contacted by Jezebel expressed surprise at the alleged groping at company parties.

"I've never seen anything like that at the parties," he told us. "People get drunk, which is pretty standard. There's a lot of dancing. It's very consensual. It all gets photographed and sent out. There's nothing illicit." But, he adds, "It's not like I'm everywhere all at once. They're a couple hours and I'm not all over the place. But I've never seen sexual harassment."

It's also worth noting that another female editorial employee who left in 2005 expressed extreme surprise at the allegations about the culture of the company. In her time, she says, " It was a small company that was a lot of fun. We did all party together, but they were pretty tame." She praised the founder of the company and her editors, saying they were "really supportive."

Wall Street, the former employee points out, is already a pretty sexist place. Two women who filed suit in 2014 against former employer Goldman Sachs for gender discrimination referred to the bank as "a 'boys club' atmosphere where binge drinking, strip club visits and the sexualization of women are tolerated, and where women fear that complaining to employee relations is a "career ender." A similar suit from 2013 claimed Merrill Lynch also had a demeaning internal culture towards women, alleging they were told to "seduce their way to the top."

"If you're a female financial journalist, you already have to deal with so much crap from your sources to begin with," Nina says. "They think they're demigods. They think they run the world because they trade debt and they're doing you this massive favor by talking to you. Such a big part of your job to begin with is dealing with these men. To have it then echoed in your work environment is so annoying. You don't want to perpetuate a nasty culture within your field."

If you have more information on this story, email us confidentially here.

Illustration by Jim Cooke.


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JFH Clive

Your Very First Home Improvement Challenge

Written on November 12, 2017   By   in Home Improvement

Your very first ever home improvement challenge will come along sooner or later, and when you find yourself looking at it you are bound to ask yourself a few questions. Can you handle it yourself? Do you need a contractor? How much will it cost?

Some people seem naturally talented at handling their own home improvement needs. Others seem to need professional help for everything that comes across their path. Always start by being honest with yourself about where you fit on that scale. Most people are somewhere in between. There is also a learning curve that happens with home ownership. What may be something well beyond your scope of skills today could eventually turn into something that you can readily handle with experience.

By being honest with yourself about your personal level of handiness you can void wasting money. If you feel you’re competent at the completing the task at hand you will save money in regards to a contractor. If you aren’t, you will save money in fixing a potential mess you can easily create. Fortunately, you do have the option changing your mind. If you begin a project and realize that you are not actually ready to handle it, there are contractors that will be willing to pick up where you have left off. While this might not be their preference, it is better than forging ahead only to find that you continue to create a more expensive and difficult problem to fix.

Almost every home owner buys a home with the knowledge that they will want to make improvements along the way. Sometimes those improvements are seen as needed immediately. If you are buying your first house and it’s a definite fixer upper, make sure you consider all the angles before walking into the purchase. Stop and evaluate the potential difficulty of each project rather than looking at the home as whole. Look beyond the obvious. What may seem like an aesthetic project can turn into a technical one once you rip out that wall. Each task must be considered as an individual to help you determine how much you can do yourself and how much will need to be done by a professional.

You are bound to receive a boatload of advice. It’s natural for parents, friends, relatives, and even potential contractors to offer you more advice than you can process. While it’s always good to have guidance, be sure that you take the time to listen to your own voice rather than being talked into things that you know deep down are not accurate for you. If you think you can’t handle the project on your own, don’t let someone else talk you into winging it anyway, and vice versa. Each homeowner must come to their own conclusions about how to deal with the inevitable need for improvements. Your home, whether old or new, is yours to maintain. Only you can determine just how much of the project you can effectively take on.

Considering a home improvement project? Consider a DIY home dumbwaiter kit from Cynergy Lifts for your multistory home. A dumbwaiter elevator lift to move things between floors at home is much easier and safer.


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October 8th, 2004

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05:39 pm - more sad stories
I've never been comfortable admitting weakness.  I learned a long time ago that it's stronger to admit it freely and confront it than to hide it, and I value strength, so I've tried to do that.  But I haven't done quite as thorough a job as I'd thought.  I wrote a few days ago about fears of abandonment that I never got over, and hadn't realized I still had to such a great degree.  But really, in some ways, that's just scratching the surface.

  I grew up in a pretty hostile environment, and I grew up a pretty hostile child.  There are enough "colorful stories" buried in my past to write several different books about - there's a stepsister that tried to kill me, her mother who later tried the same, and a stepfather that burst into my room when I was 13 and tried his best to beat the hell out of me.  Those are all stories I've told many times before, though not in any kind of public forum like this.  But what I haven't talked quite so much about is the lasting impression all this had on me, of how terribly strong I needed to be, how very impenetrable I needed to keep my ego, to keep everyone around me from battering me down at the first chance they got.

My first few years of school-based socialization, things seemed fairly secure, and though I'd forget it pretty quickly in later years, I was definitely an alpha type of child.  I rarely bullied anyone, but I had lots of friends, and I generally led whatever group I was in.  There were of course already some problems - I was, after all, that little kid staring out the window waiting for a car that never came - but it didn't really dominate my life.

Later, though, when my parents divorced, it was a pretty huge blow.  I never thought for an instant that it was my fault, but I didn't understand it either - and, particularly being that I was in a new school with kids I'd never known before that year, and had only been there for a few months, it was pretty easy for the rest of the pack to sense weakness, and exploit it.  (Anyone who thinks wolves are fierce in battles for pack dominance has clearly never witnessed the hell that is fourth grade.)  I just didn't have the energy to handle it in any way until provocations became too extreme... and kids in fourth grade just don't tend to be perceptive enough to notice little signs before a storm, so I oscillated rapidly from ignoring jabs at me completely to lashing out in sudden, astonishing fury at whoever was advancing their own standings by picking on someone they perceived to be weaker.  And since my father had drummed it into me in no uncertain terms that I was never, ever, ever to throw the first blow, this could only confuse the kids around me, not deter them - fourth graders are also not exactly subtle enough to fear a sudden defense when their offense goes unpunished for long.

Things only got worse over the next few years, as everyone surrounding me confirmed their impression that - no matter how fiercely I defended myself if provoked far enough - my raison d'etre was to score points against in the complicated and evil little games that children in large groups tend to play.  Perhaps there was some effort not to cross a certain line that inevitably resulted in a pint-sized wolverine, but not too much - that line was far too deep, and middle school children see only what is in front of them, not what has been or what will be.

These were the same years that first, the stepsister mentioned tried to stab me in the throat with a sharpened chunk of bamboo, and later the stepmother tried to kill me - as I've often told people in idle conversation, in my best Party Story tone - with a maroon 1985 Ford LTD station wagon, in reverse.  The thing is, those are actually the easy stories to tell.  They sound dramatic, and they go over well in a one-upsmanship contest, but I was never afraid of anyone around me in any physical terms.  I fought nearly every day for three years after school, always against people bigger and generally stronger than me.  After that, physical fear was just something I didn't really know.

What was a lot harder to take, though, was the unending scorn dished out from all sides.  From the stepsister my age, from the one a couple of years older, from their mother.  From the kids around me at school.  Worse, from the stories from home, taken to school by those same stepsisters.  There just wasn't any escape.  I learned pretty quickly to handle any insult delivered, to let it roll off of me, and to respond as savagely as I could.  I never wanted to be a bully - I just didn't have the energy for it.  I wanted, more than anything else in the world, just to be left alone.  To be allowed some peace; peace that I could never find.  To not have to defend myself.  The only thing left of the alpha male child I started out as was an absolute refusal to admit domination by anyone... and I gained an idea, too, that dominant behavior must be bad.  That it couldn't, and shouldn't, be tolerated - in myself as much as in anyone else.  After all, I never did want to be the bad guy.

When you take a boy who's naturally inclined to be an alpha type, and by hook or by crook you instill in him the unshakable belief that dominant behavior and personality traits are inevitably bad, you get... well, you get me.

I spent an awful lot of years trying to appease the alpha traits in myself, and my own shuddering insecurity, and my need to be The Good Guy, all at the same time, by looking eagerly for Righteous Targets.  You know... people who would cross a line, any line, of some sort that would make them clearly okay to attack.  So that I could knock them savagely right down into the dirt.  As my own sophistication grew, I began including "and offering them a hand back up again" to the story... but that didn't really do anything but help further disguise my own tortured motive to destroy.  The real point was still to dominate - but to do so only after being provoked.  And, unfortunately, to break things when dominating... because after all, that's what dominance means, right?

I never was particularly the bar brawl type.  I might have been, and perhaps I might have gotten it all out of my system and been better for it a lot sooner, but one thing that still stuck with unshakeable tenacity was my father's commandment Thou Shalt Not Throw The First Punch.  And, really, while I did grow out of the small child I'd been into a fairly sizeable guy, and without really losing much of the ferocity that those daily fights had instilled, physical battery was never my strongest suit.  Where I really excelled, as I always have, is in the use of my mind.

One of the ways this eventually manifested itself is in the creation of a website.  You may be reading that website right now; or if you're reading this from LiveJournal and you're clever, you may rush to figure out what that website is.  No matter.  For a few years, that site was pretty surprisingly popular.  Never an internet powerhouse, it nonetheless grew from a Tripod page to a largish and ambitious site housed on its own server, with links to and from some rather larger places like the infamous Stile Project.  Basically the focus of the site was the same as the focus of my life had been for too long - to look like a nice guy, while finding people who I could find excuses to knock into the dirt (in this case, by means of public ridicule).  To look strong, without looking evil.  And, in the process, to destroy as much as I created.

At one point, I remember that a site some friends of mine ran was a bit long on technology (for the time) and short on technological people.  I would up administering their forum, largely by default, and there was a character with problems of his own who took to posting a bunch of stupid crap in the attempt to be an annoying vandal.  I forget what exactly he did; something along the lines of posting an image as many times as he could as quickly as he could.  Petty disruption.

And an excuse.

Unfortunately for this poor sap, he was doing his act from work - and so when I traced his IP address to find the SOA for the block this vandalism was coming from, what I got was his employer.  And I made a phone call, and later that day, my vandal contacted me privately, shaken to the bone.  He knew he'd been being an asshole, he said, but that was his work.  That was his livelihood.  How could I do that to him?

The fact is, he was still wrong, and work is where he'd been doing it from, and that was the only hook I had against him - and I was under no moral obligation to just let him freely rampage across the chunk of internet territory I was protecting without making him stop.  But I thrilled at his fear.  I kindly told him that I had no intention of getting him fired, and explained that all he had to do was stop, and it could all end there.  He could even continue being a poster there, if he liked, as long as he played by the rules - I wouldn't hold any continuing hostility against him.  But inside, I knew, and I rejoiced, that I had beaten him.  Thoroughly.  Completely.  Savagely.

Several years later, in spite of its popularity and how much work I'd put into it, I gradually quit updating my website.  I didn't know why at the time, but I'd started to realize, no matter how good my excuses always were, just how fucked up it was to always be looking for people to beat down.  Doing that had always been a short-term fix, and I couldn't feel good about myself for doing it anymore.  Yes, I had an "excuse", but... sigh.

My relationships, on the other hand, tended toward the other side of the spectrum.  Keeping in mind I do always want to be the good guy - but I can't admit any weakness - I'd find women who were obviously fucked up, who I could be there for.  Who I could be strong for.  Who I could help.  Not to try to be all nasty-christian-backstabbing-"look-how-good-to-you-I-am-even-though-you're-so-fucked-up", but... partly so I wouldn't ever have to be the weak one, and partly because I genuinely wanted to help people, and partly because I was so used to people shitting all over me if given the chance that I desperately wanted to give someone a huge REASON to be good to me.  Because I'd been so incredibly good to them.

That didn't work out so well.  And I didn't really know what I was doing.  I figured out the part about wanting to help them so that they would have a reason to be good to me, and then I figured out the rest, but what I didn't figure out - until yesterday - was that what I really, really deeply needed was somebody I could be vulnerable to.  Somebody I could be weak in front of.  Someone who I could break down, sobbing, showing the soft pale underbelly of my soul that I'd been hiding so goddamned long to, and know that they'd hold me and that it would be all right, it would be all right.

Unfortunately, when you pick women out - knowingly or unknowingly - for their own emotional difficulties, you aren't really selecting for women who can be strong for you.  Time after time after time, things would get to a certain point, and ... poof ... bailed on again.  Maybe because I hadn't ever shown any of my own weakness to them.  Maybe because I was smarter than they were, or better experienced than they were, or knew things they didn't - and insisted on behaving as though I wasn't any more of those things than they were, and thus making them feel inadequate instead of simply different.  Maybe because they were just that damn fucked up and there was just no getting around it.  Maybe - usually - all of the above.

I didn't really realize all of this until yesterday, when I finally understood it and brokenly sobbed it out to the only woman I've ever known who's easily as smart as I am - no need for pretense.  Whose weaknesses I'd seen enough of to finally be able - after extreme provocation - to start unloading some of my own shit that I didn't even know about to.

But this is not a story about a boy and a girl, this is a story about a boy and his own deep-seated, shuddering insecurities.  I won't tell you any of the rest of it, because she has her own demons to face, and they're different demons, and that's not my story to tell.

But I'm still empty inside.

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: The Thrills - Deckchairs and Cigarettes

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[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 03:06 pm

witty subject

it's always a bitch finding balance and people you can trust. people are fucking fickle as hell and those you thought were your friends can just as easily turn on you.

i repeat what i said before but with an addendum: it's a good life if you don't weaken, but being just vulnerable doesn't weaken you.

In a way, it's a form of power transference: if you know the person you are trusting loves and trusts you back, you can almost always count on the fact that they won't want to you back. Their reaction to your weaknesses/vulnerabilities will almost always be tempered by their love for you. In a genuine relationship, this doesn't wind up being a problem. Give and take happens. If one party is an asshole, you wind up having emotional powerplays and manipulations (women are almost always better at this than men; I think it's because of all the attention that they get from boys. In a romantic/emotional setting women almost always have the upper hand (and can be really fucking ruthless about how they use it, too. I've never seen a woman do that "offer them a hand back up" shit.))

[User Picture] From: herbaliser
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 03:13 pm
you only say that 'cos you've never dated emotionally manipulative men.

[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 03:42 pm
i've seen them in action (which is why i qualified the statement) and yes, they can be total assholes and violent etc etc, but empirical evidence i've run across is that women can be much more emotionally brutal than men, on the whole.

[User Picture] From: tawnyleona
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 04:09 pm
Amen...I was thinking the same thing.

People and groups of people tend to be judged by the worst of the lot. Men who tend to go after women who are emotionally manipulative tend to think all women are that way, and vice-versa.

[User Picture] From: herbaliser
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 04:12 pm

it all comes down to

[User Picture] From: staringgoldfish
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 04:26 pm

Re: it all comes down to

Only if we're lucky.

From: doomers
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 05:04 pm
well said.

[User Picture] From: discogravy
Date: October 8th, 2004 - 06:32 pm
while this is true, i'm basing my statement on things i've seen. i used to go for the little broken birds that i could rush in on and be a hero to (as jimbo describes above). I wouldn't say any of them were particularly manipulative though.

[User Picture] From: mightymonju
Date: October 12th, 2004 - 12:59 pm
Nicely written, sir.

Here's to hoping that you find that peace and balance you seek.

[User Picture] From: agentsteel53
Date: October 13th, 2004 - 03:14 pm

forgive the intrusion - you probably have a vague idea of who I am, or at least whom I know... for a few days in the not-too-distant past, you were my personal nemesis, so I felt obligated to hate you.

Only today did I read through your journal, inspired, I suppose being the best word... inspired by recent events. I see that you're not all that different from me in some regards (innate loneliness, non-triumphant childhood), but in others you've got your wings on straight and you're flying right... congrats on being articulate without pretense, and generally avoiding the sudden desire to spit blood and breathe fire, as I do - I overcompensate with anger for the lack of more rounded emotional wherewithal... basically coming from the same generally traumatic past. So, take this as you will, on some level your character is quite inspiring.

If you don't mind, I'm adding you to my "friends" list.

[User Picture] From: jimbojones
Date: October 13th, 2004 - 05:38 pm

Re: wow.

Thank you for the good words... they mean a hell of a lot. And yes, I do know who you are. It was ... kinda difficult, to say the least, watching you dissect the "room for you" post in Laura's journal yesterday. (Not through any fault of your own, of course.)

At any rate, thanks again, and you're welcome here.

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10 Aug 2017

UI Designer – Serenus Infotech – Kolkata, West Bengal

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Sc, B.Tech / B.E., B.Tech – Computer Science, Graduate. The applicant should be able to design user enticing web interfaces for web-development related to web…
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Senior Infrastructure Engineer (Cisco UCS, MS Server) to GBP45k - Warrin

Actis Recruitment Ltd
45000.00 GBP Annual + To GBP45,000 + bonus + benefits
17 Mar 2017
21 Mar 2017
IT, Internet
Contract Type
Full Time
Infrastructure Support Engineer - to cGBP45,000, based Warrington. This successful financial services company see IT at the forefront of their expansion. They are seeking to recruit an experienced & qualified Systems Engineer to provide business critical technical support over a full Enterprise Datacentre Infrastructure inc Storage, Virtualisation, Networking, Security & Server applications to support a high volume transactional business.

You will have gained 5 years+ experience of implementing / supporting Cisco UCS, MS Server 2008/2012, VMWare vSphere and Storage ideally with most of the following technologies:

• NetApp (clustered onTAP)
• Cisco Networking
• Firewalls (ideally Cisco ASA)
• Flexpod
• MS Exchange 2010, 2013
• SQL Server

Some technical accreditation would be preferred such as MCITP, CCNA, VCP, or NetApp NCDA and you should be well versed in the design, planning and management of Networks. Other areas of interest inc experience of designing and managing virtual environments, disaster recovery and business change/continuity.

You will possess first class communication skills, both written and verbal, a positive and professional work manner, the ability to work individually or in a team, be highly organised with the ability to prioritise.

The Infrastructure Support Consultant will be responsible for:

• Support of the overall Infrastructure estate, technology & application platforms to ensure stability and performance
• On-going planning, maintenance, implementation and support
• Effective pro-active management of IT & Telecom estate inc all server, storage and networks
• Responsible for backups, recovery and disaster recovery
• Pro-actively monitor health & performance of systems
• Act as technical escalation point
• Define & recommend technology & architecture to support business growth
• Change Management.

This is an excellent opportunity to join a growing professional organisation who can offer a salary of up to GBP45,000 plus 15% bonus and an excellent benefits package.

Please send your CV/contact Ian Shaw - Email: or Tel:

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Open-Rank, Tenure-Track in Biology (Ecologist or Evolutionary Biologist)

Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
August 02 2017
Position Type
Full Time
Organization Type
Job Type

Open-Rank, Tenure-Track in Biology

(Ecologist or Evolutionary Biologist)

The Biology Department at Bucknell University invites applications for an open-rank, tenure-track faculty position to begin August 2018. We seek an ecologist or evolutionary biologist who incorporates genomic and/or bioinformatic methods into both their research and their teaching and who complements existing areas of strength within the Department. Areas of expertise could include, but are not limited to: applied ecology, evolutionary ecology or environmental/conservation genomics. The successful candidate must have a strong commitment to undergraduate teaching and an equally strong commitment to diversity, inclusion, and student-centered approaches.

Teaching expectations include rotation through both introductory and upper level courses in ecology and/or evolutionary biology as well as other courses in support of the Biology curriculum and the general education goals of the University. The successful candidate will also establish a vibrant research program that involves talented undergraduates and has the potential to attract extramural funding.

Applicants must have a Ph.D. or be ABD at the time of appointment and be able to document relevant teaching experience as well as their commitment to effective, inclusive teaching. Applications should include a cover letter, curriculum vitae, a statement of teaching philosophy, a detailed description of research plans, and three confidential letters of recommendation. Review of applications will begin September 19, 2017, and the search will remain open until the position is filled. Questions about the position may be directed to the Chair of the Biology Department, Matthew Heintzelman ( Applications will only be accepted online.

Bucknell University, an Equal Opportunity Employer, believes that students learn best in a diverse, inclusive community and is therefore committed to academic excellence through diversity in its faculty, staff, and students. We seek candidates who are committed to Bucknell's efforts to create a climate that fosters the growth and development of a diverse student body, and we encourage applications from members of groups that have been historically underrepresented in higher education.

Bucknell University is a private, highly ranked, national liberal arts institution that also offers strong professional programs in engineering, business, education, and music. Located in Central Pennsylvania along the Susquehanna River, Bucknell is nestled in the Borough of Lewisburg, an architectural gem that has been ranked as one of America's best small towns. The Lewisburg area offers a unique combination of outdoor recreation opportunities, and appealing amenities such as art galleries, an art deco theater, historic museums, and charming independent boutiques and restaurants. In addition to the many cultural and athletic events offered by the University and the Borough, the surrounding region offers outstanding schools, medical facilities, and an affordable cost of living. For those who crave the city, Bucknell is within an easy three-hour drive to Philadelphia, New York, Baltimore, and Washington, D.C.

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Assistant Professor: Molecular Biology

Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Competitive salary and benefits
August 25 2017
Job ID # 13382
Position Type
Full Time
Organization Type
Job Type

POSITION: Molecular Biology
The Department of Biology invites applications for a probationary tenure track faculty position at the rank of Assistant Professor to begin August 20th, 2018. We are searching for a broadly-trained biologist with preference given to candidates with expertise in using cellular, molecular, developmental or genomics approaches to neuroscience. Candidates must be committed to excellence in undergraduate instruction and faculty-student collaborative research and embrace the university’s commitment to equity, diversity and inclusivity.

QUALIFICATIONS: Ph.D. degree by August 20th, 2018.
Demonstrate interest and experience in teaching the biological sciences at the post-secondary level and commitment to developing an active research program involving undergraduates. Postdoctoral experience is preferred.

The successful candidate will be expected to teach introductory (general education and foundational) biology courses and molecular/cell biology courses for students majoring in the biological sciences and health care. They will also have the opportunity to teach and develop course(s) in their specialty especially those that complement our new minor and proposed major in neuroscience, which is a collaborative effort with the Department of Psychology. The teaching commitment is approximately 12 contact hours per week. The successful candidate will develop an active research program involving undergraduate students, and will also be expected to provide academic advising to students and engage in service to the Department, College, University and/or community. Salary will be commensurate with teaching and research experience.

The Department of Biology currently has 15 faculty, 3 instructors, a lab manager, a greenhouse/animal care manager, and approximately 600 Biology majors including 100 Biochemistry/Molecular Biology majors. Department members are dedicated to teaching and are actively involved in research with undergraduates as demonstrated by co-authored presentations and publications. The Department is affiliated with the Institute for Health Sciences on campus, which is a consortium of academic departments and programs that support the advancement and visibility of the pre-professional and professional health science programs.
Departmental facilities include a variety of teaching and research laboratories, standard cell and molecular instrumentation, equipment and facilities for cell culture, gel and blot documentation systems, a real-time PCR system, and shared access to conventional and confocal fluorescence microscopes and transmission and scanning electron microscopes. In addition, we have three greenhouses and an animal care facility. Research is supported by both external and internal grants, and we participate in the Ronald McNair Post- baccalaureate Achievement Program. Internal funds are also available to support faculty and student travel to professional meetings.

The University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire campus community consists of 10,500 students and 700 faculty and administrative/professional staff. UWEC is home to the UW System's only Center of Excellence for Faculty and Undergraduate Student Research Collaboration, which supports research collaborations between faculty and undergraduates, and hosts an annual Celebration of Excellence in Research and Creative Activity. UW-Eau Claire's campus spans the banks of the Chippewa River in the heart of Eau Claire, western Wisconsin's largest city.
Eau Claire is a vibrant community of over 67,000 located in the Chippewa Valley. It was recently featured in Time Magazine, and the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel as a new “it” city for millennials due to its ever expanding entrepreneurial, local food, art and music scenes. The surrounding scenic countryside also offers plentiful access to rivers, public parks, and seasonal outdoor recreational activities. It is affordable, has major medical facilities, outstanding public schools and ample employment opportunities. The valley is just 90 miles from the international airport and the cosmopolitan center of Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota.

Application materials are to be uploaded at the following site:  [or ]

Search for the Biology: Assistant Professor in Molecular Biology position; Job ID # 13382
Please upload a single pdf including the following: letter of application; a teaching statement that explicitly addresses the candidate’s approaches to teaching; a research statement that addresses ways of involving undergraduates as collaborators and future research plans; a curriculum vitae; copies of all undergraduate and graduate transcripts; and the names of three reference.

To ensure consideration, complete applications must be received by Friday, September 29, 2017.  Screening may continue until the position is filled. The University reserves the right to contact additional references.

APPLICATION INFORMATION:  Contact: Dr. Dan Janik at
UW-Eau Claire is an AA/EEO/Veterans/Disability employer and encourages a diverse applicant pool to apply.


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2018 MRL Worldwide Product Labeling Summer Intern Job

Gwynedd, PA, US
September 07 2017
Organization Type
2018 MRL Worldwide Product Labeling Summer Intern:ADM008704

Merck & Co., Inc. Kenilworth, N.J., U.S.A. known as Merck in the United States and Canada, is a global health care leader with a diversified portfolio of prescription medicines, vaccines and animal health products. The difference between potential and achievement lies in the spark that fuels innovation and inventiveness; this is the space where Merck has codified its legacy for over a century. Merck’s success is backed by ethical integrity, forward momentum, and an inspiring mission to achieve new milestones in global healthcare.

Merck is on a quest for cures and is committed to being the world’s premier, most research-intensive biopharmaceutical company. Today, we’re doubling down on this goal. Merck Research Laboratories is a true scientific research facility of tomorrow, and will take Merck’s leading discovery capabilities and world-class small molecule and biologics R&D expertise to create breakthrough science that radically changes the way we approach serious diseases.

Worldwide Product Labeling (WPL) is seeking an intern
interested in learning about the development of labeling documents for
pharmaceuticals and vaccines. This position is a three-month summer internship
opportunity. The intern may participate
in the following activities:

- Drafting labeling for new products or the
revision/updating of labeling for currently marketed products worldwide.
- Presenting proposed labeling revisions to labeling
- Collection and review of efficacy and/or safety
information for marketed products.
- Continuous process improvement projects.

- Required:
Candidates must be currently enrolled in a BS, MS or professional program,
including biology, chemistry, biochemistry, pharmacology, nursing, pharmacy,
or other science/health care-related field of study
- Candidates
must be returning to school in the Fall of 2018.
- Candidates
must have completed at least (3) years of college study by June of 2018.

- Candidates
must be available to work full-time for 9-12 weeks beginning in May or June
of 2018.
- Candidates
must have a GPA of 3.5 or higher
- Candidates must have strong communication,
organizational, and presentation skills
- Candidates must be highly motivated and able to
work independently
- Candidates must have a working knowledge of
Microsoft Office, specifically Microsoft Word

- Experience
working with databases
- Experience writing,
editing, and reviewing scientific content

Your role at Merck is integral to helping the world meet new breakthroughs that affect generations to come, and we’re counting on your skills and inventiveness to help make meaningful contributions to global medical advancement. At Merck, we’re inventing for life.

If you need an accommodation for the application process please email us at staffingaadar@merck.com.

Search Firm Representatives Please Read Carefully:

Merck & Co., Inc. is not accepting unsolicited assistance from search firms for this employment opportunity. Please, no phone calls or emails. All resumes submitted by search firms to any employee at Merck via email, the Internet or in any form and/or method without a valid written search agreement in place for this position will be deemed the sole property of Merck. No fee will be paid in the event the candidate is hired by Merck as a result of the referral or through other means.

Visa sponsorship is not available for this position.

For more information about personal rights under Equal Employment Opportunity, visit:

EEOC Poster

EEOC GINA Supplement

Merck is an equal opportunity employer, Minority/Female/Disability/Veteran – proudly embracing diversity in all of its manifestations.

Primary Location: NA-US-PA-Upper Gwynedd

Other Locations: NA-US-NJ-Rahway

Job Type: Intern

Employee Status: Temporary

Travel: Yes, 5 % of the Time

Number of Openings: 1

Relocation Provided: None

Company Trade Name:Merck

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Everlasting Love

Happy Friday Friends!~ Today and every day, know that God loves you with an everlasting love. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is for you and has a good plan for you. Receive His perfect love today and let Him transform you from the inside out. His love is the greatest love and will last throughout all eternity!
Have A Great Weekend!~

Jody K Young

A New Chapter

Are you ready for a new chapter in your life? In order to move forward into the blessings God has for you, you have to be willing to let go of the old. The things that are behind you are not nearly as important as what is out in front of you. It’s time to get ready for the “new”!

You may have had some unfair things happen, things that you don’t understand. But let me tell you, you have come too far to stop now. Instead of allowing those things to hold you back, why don’t you let go and take a step of faith into the new? It’s time to get a new, bigger vision; it’s time to get a new, fresher outlook; it’s time to rise up with a new attitude! Instead of settling where you are, pick up and move forward. Have the attitude that says, “I may not understand it; it may not have been fair, but I am not getting stuck on this page. I know God has a new chapter for me — a chapter filled with blessings, favor and victory!”

A Prayer for Today

Father God, thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. Today, I choose to trust You with my past, present and future. Give me wisdom to discern the seasons of my life and teach me to embrace the new things You have in store for me in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Jody K Young

In The Morning

“…weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5, NLT).

The Scripture says in Psalms that joy comes in the morning. When you wake up each morning, God sends you a special delivery of joy. It comes knocking at your door. When you get up in faith and make the declaration that “this is going to be a good day,” do you know what you just did? You just answered the door. You just received the gift of joy that God sent to you. The problem is that some people never answer the door. Joy has been knocking for months and months, years and years saying, “Come on! Let me in! You can be happy! You can cheer up! You can enjoy your life!”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to answer the door for joy. I’m going to wake up every morning and say, “Father, thank You for another beautiful day. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to enjoy this day. I’m going to brighten somebody else’s life. I am choosing to receive Your gift of joy, today!”

Prayer for Today:

Heavenly Father, thank You for joy. Thank You for peace. Thank You for walking me through the difficult times. I choose today to answer the door for joy every single morning so that I can walk in the strength You have given to me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Jody K Young


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Monthly Archives: May 2009

General Approach to Portals and Collaboration Utilizing SharePoint

Today, I would like to share with you a couple of thoughts on the subject of how to approach a Portals and Collaboration project in relationship to Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007 (MOSS 2007). Over the years, many approaches have … Continue reading

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Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Another in the web of family

Another supporter of Thomas W. Thornhill in his application for a pension from service in the 1st Tennessee Cavalry during the Civil War was Benjamin Hickey. He provided an affidavit on 29 October 1890, testifying that he had known Thomas for 30 years and that he was aware of Thomas' disability following the War. Benjamin's affidavit was also witnessed by Thomas' sister, Margaret Emily Thornhill Bowers and her husband William A. Bowers.

Benjamin Hickey was born in February 1824, and like Thomas, he served in Company C, 1st Tennessee Cavalry during the Civil War. Benjamin also has a tangled connection to my family tree. He was a younger brother of Sarah Sally Hickey (my 4th-great-grandmother), mother of Mary Catherine Green (my 3rd-great-grandmother and first wife of Joseph Thomas Jones). Benjamin's second wife was Louise Paralee Thornhill, a daughter of Alexander C. Thornhill and Minerva B. Preston. Alexander C. was a son of Joseph Thornhill and Sarah Westall, my 5th-great-grandparents.

Benjamin has a long file in his Civil War service record, and I am interested to go back to the National Archives to view his pension file in the hopes that there may be affidavits from others in the Jones and Thornhill families. A copy of his discharge papers from is below:
Source:, Civil War Service Records.

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