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Comparison of tenant deposit schemes in England and Wales

In England and Wales there are three government-approved tenancy deposit schemes (Scotland and Northern Ireland have different schemes). They are Deposit Protection Service (DPS) MyDeposits  Tenancy Deposit Scheme (TDS) Insured vs. custodial scheme Insured scheme: the landlord/agent can hold the tenancy deposits during the term of the tenancy. They need to pay a fee to the deposit scheme to register the deposit. At the end of tenancy, if the tenant raises a dispute, they must transfer the disputed amount to the deposit scheme until the matter is resolved by a free dispute resolution service provided by the scheme or a court.  Custodial scheme: the scheme holds the deposit for the duration of the tenancy. Custodial Schemes is free of charge for the landlord/agent. At the end of tenancy, both parties agree before the deposit can be released to the tenant/landlord. If there is a dispute, the release of deposit will be based on the decision of the free dispute resolution service provided b

Below Freezing

The Living, the Dead, and the Path Between

Linora Kingsley is a nine-year-old child; she has light brown hair that reaches down to her waist, hazel eyes, and fair skin; she is curious, dreamy, adventurous, but was born weak, and had to visit the hospital many times when she was younger. Her parents dote on her and care for her, but all she wants is to be healthy, so she can explore the world. She can rarely go to school during the winter, and she gets extremely ill in the middle of October, so she has to miss a lot of school. She feels left out, and she isn’t as ‘smart’ as people her own age, but she manages to get by since she learns at home. But, her parents work and they can’t have so much time for her, so she is almost always left with her aunt, who almost doesn’t care of her Niece's existence.

On the Christmas eve, Linora slowly walked up the stairs to her room, past the room that auntie was sleeping in, and through the creaky door. Moonlight streamed into her room, and the stars appeared to be out.

“Christmas Eve,” she mumbled, walking up to the windowsill, and staring up at the sky. “Another Christmas goes by, and I can’t do anything, or go anywhere exciting but stay in this room.”

She saw a flash in the sky, and a shooting star was going past. She jolted, and decided to make a wish, placed her hands together, and interlocked her finger. “I wish that I could be a healthy grown-up, and I could explore the world, and mum and dad could come home for Christmas,” After Linora made the wish, and looked back up at the clear sky, and the crescent moon towering above the world. “Wishes don’t come true, why do I even believe in wishes anymore?” she sighed and crawled into bed.

The sheets are cold and hard, with mum not there to read her a story, and dad to come in and crack a bad joke before she goes to sleep, then they both think she’s asleep and step out of the room silently, closing the door with utmost care. Those memories felt so nostalgic, and she opened her eyes to the place where her mum used to sit, with her book on her lap, but of course, she wasn’t there. Just a slightly dusty chair basked in the moonlight. “I wish…, they could come home…” Linora mumbled, looking at the small kitten-shaped digital clock by her bed, which flashed “20:26”. They’re always on business trips, or told to work late, to fill in shifts or complete some work, so they never come back, and auntie doesn’t care in the slightest about her. Linora closed her eyes tight, with the moon watching over her, and tears slowly fell onto her pillow, and she eventually fell asleep.

Linora awoke in a small nightmare, one where she was falling into a black tar-like pool. Slowly fluttering her eyes open, and looked around.

‘The hospital...? Maybe something happened while I was sleeping.’ She thought to herself. Rubbing her eyes, she noticed her hands. They were much bigger than she last knew, and seemed to have aged.

‘What’s going on?’ She looked around and pressed the button for the nurse to come.

The lady came in rather quickly, thinking something urgent might’ve happened. “You’re awake!” She exclaimed, excited and happy but also bearing the weight of having to explain what had happened.

“Did something happen last night?” Linora asked the nurse, obviously confused.

“I… must get the doctor to explain what happened. Just wait here, and try to keep calm.” The nurse said, giving her a small smile before exiting the room to retrieve the doctor.

Linora slowly regained all her senses, however, her joints felt like they were killing her. she decided to stretch a bit and carefully climbed out of the bed.

“When did I get this tall?” her questions went on. Standing, it felt like she was trying to balance on two straws as she fell back onto the hospital bed.

“What...?” Linora said to herself, barely being able to stand. Then “click!” she heard the door open and turned her head, and saw a man walking in the room followed by the nurse, obviously, he is the doctor.

“Ah, Linora Kingsley, am I right? Welcome back to the living.” The doctor joked and stood next to the bed.

“What happened?” Linora asked the doctor, wanting to bombard him with her questions.

“I’ll be blunt with this. You have been in a coma for 10 years, and we’ve been taking care of you here.” He said, a stern, serious look on his face.

“Ten… years...?” Linora asked, not believing what she had heard. “Is that even possible...?”

“I understand you have questions, but let’s just be thankful you have waken.” The doctor gave her a warm smile. “I’m sure your parents would’ve been happy you lived, you have my condolences.” His expression turned a bit sad, not for himself, but for Linora.

“Would’ve...?” Linora asked, and quickly made sense in her head. “You mean…they’re…?”

“Dead. I’m afraid so.” The doctor finished her question with a professional tone.

Linora felt her heart sink, and a stinging pain in her chest. Her eyes became blurred as tears immediately began to take hold.

“I know it’s hard, but you still have your nanny.” The nurse tried to comfort her but remained oblivious to her how nanny was.

“Great…” Linora whispered under her breath, as her eyes became puffy.

“Just be thankful you’re alright. it’s a Christmas miracle.” The nurse said.

“Yes... I am happy for that.” Linora said, and her breathing slowly became more steady, as her eyes became dry.

The doctor and nurse exited the room. After some time, the nurse came back with a wheelchair and helped to place Linora in it and moved her from the ICU to an outpatient room. The nurse helped Linora settle down comfortably in her new bed, and gave her medication. Then she looked at Linora and asked, “Your nanny stays in Kirklees Nursing Home, would you like me to contact her for you?”

“How long has she been there?” Linora asked, wondering if she could come.

“For about three years, and I heard she’s been doing well there.” The nurse said.

“I think I am alright here.” Linora said after a while, “I might visit her after being discharged. By the way, where is my parents’ resting place?”

“In Almondbury Cemetery, you may easily find their tombstones.” The nurse said.

Two days later, Linora was discharged from the hospital. She declined offers such as psychological treatment or the help of social workers, before letting her out of the hospital to the open world. Linora already had in her mind where she would go first, the graves of her parents, who never got to see her from her long sleep.

The snow kept falling gently, and Linora’s hands were slightly red and her light brown hair drifted down over her shoulders and to her waist. She huffed and smoke could be seen coming out of her mouth, and she kept walking towards the forest, which would lead to the cemetery. She could see children’s snowmen around, slightly disfigured, some losing a carrot nose, and some even with scarves left on them. After a few minutes of walking, she came upon the forest, where the trees towered over her head. she slowly hopped over an uprooted tree and entered the dark cluster of trees.

“It’s like a winter wonderland…” Linora thought, holding onto a tree for balance while she stepped over a log. “It was as if this place was made just for me, that I could stay here forever, and that time had just… STOPPED.” Linora looked up, and the branches blocked her view of the sky, and the snow fell gracefully down. She could see robins hopping from tree to tree, projecting their beautiful voices once in a while, and they eventually disappeared. A piece of snow fell onto her eyelashes, and she quickly rubbed it off, and while she gently rubbed her eye, a deer came to greet her. It stood in the shadows, and it hid behind the tree cautiously before stepping out its long thin legs into the open and approaching her.

Linora was startled at first, but felt an odd connection with this deer, as it came up to her and lowered its head. She stroked its forehead and tickled behind its ears, and it shook its head playfully. She smiled warmly towards the frail deer, and they had just met, however it opened up rather quickly. she was sad it had to stay out in the cold, but it had always lived with it. They had that in common. Moments passed before they parted their ways. They turned and glanced at each other as they walked apart, this would be their first and last meet.

Continuing walking, Linora kept huffing in the air to make smoke. Although she was considered an ‘adult’ now, she had not changed from the moment she went asleep. The cold air brushed against her skin as she walked, as everything had turned white from the falling flurries. It was all so surreal, truly beautiful, and it touched her heart. It was truly mesmerizing, being able to experience and feel something she had only seen from a window.

Flowers somehow began to bloom around Linora, as if she was living in a dream. “Flowers don’t grow in snow, do they?” Linora questioned the flowers’ existence. They grew at such a rate, that would be impossible during the spring, the season which is known to melt away the snow, and bring the vegetation back to the land. They looked like small ice flowers, icicles even, which wavered at her touch. She bent down to pluck one from its snowy roots, and it bent easily to her will. It had beautiful white petals, with a pinkish tint, and the petals, when touched, had an opaque look to them, which added to the magnificence to the flower. The stem was soft, although constructed out of ice, and white-frosted leaves dangled from the stem. She gathered a few flowers for her parents, as an offering, and the different types of flowering plants amazed her. There were different coloured tints, and whole different types of flowers altogether, and it all fascinated her, something she would have never seen if she was stuck in the same room, the same house, and the same world. She could’ve never experienced this beautiful, winter wonderland.

However, in the distance, she could see a dark fence, not changed at all by the snow. It was the cemetery. The cemetery was somehow out of place in the midst of all the falling snow, and soft layers of white stretching as far as the eye could see. A giant chapel could be seen appearing, as a bunch of gravestones had also taken shape. Feeling a wave of sadness overcome her, she opened the gate and walked in the place the dead sleep.

Linora looked at the grave after grave, trying to find mother and father’s. Some gravestones were slightly tilted, from the soggy mud which was drenched in the somewhat wet snow, and all of the footprints and marks of human action seemed to have been buried in the vast amount of snow which coated the whole town, but somehow didn’t affect the cemetery at all. It seemed to be out of place.

Linora gently ran her fingers across the grave headstones, reading the causes of all these deaths. “Died by freezing… Died in a car crash… Died in her slumber.”

“Wait a moment…” Linora whispered under her breath and kneeled to the headstone. Gently dusting the snow off of the name, her eyes widened. “Linora Kingsley…” It read. Linora immediately fell back, the shock it caused was too big to bear.

“T… This has to be a mistake… Maybe they thought I was dead...” Linora said to herself, trying to think of a more rational solution.

“I’m not dead...!” Linora exclaimed with a hushed tone, staring at the gravestone. Glancing to the right, and caught sight of their names: Mother and father… This is where they lie, asleep. She crawled over and set the flowers gently down onto their burial ground. The flowers had been frosted over, but it made them sparkle, making them stand out from the grey stoned grave... she didn’t know she had already started, but her tears had already started falling as she hugged the stones.

“I miss you so much…” Linora said between hiccups, trying to keep a steady voice as she wept. The gravestones felt cold and hard, but she felt an unusual warmth within them.

It had felt like she mourned for hours, every part of her had felt numb. Although she grieved for her parents no longer existed, they had to be in a better place now. That was the smallest bit of comfort she had left. Memories of the times they had spent together flooded back into her head, just like when they would read her stories until she fell asleep. The memories were filled with warmth and happiness, it felt like they had been the only thing that kept she going. Though, she could feel her body growing more and more numb by the second. It didn’t scare her, in fact, it felt relieving. Tears slowly stopped coming, as the world grew dark to her eyes. However, a bright light quickly swarmed out the dark. It was warm again. She realized she was back home with her mother and father, but she didn’t question a thing. If this was the living, the dead, or the path between, at least they could be together again.

Linora’s frozen body was never found.

By Brenda Sheng

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Weekly Devotional

What Is God Really Like?

Get to know the creator of the universe.

Written by Gary Fleetwood on 15/06/2021

Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.

Psalm 145:3

How does the Bible describe God to us?

The first words of the Bible in Genesis 1:1 state, "In the beginning God…" It just assumes that God is and that God exists and that God was the Creator and then moves forward. The Bible does not argue or defend the existence of God but declares it. There is no preliminary introduction to God that tries to establish that He exists.. Genesis does not start by saying, "By the following proofs we establish the existence of God and that He created all things." Not at all, never! Just "In the beginning God…". God's name appears 28 times in Genesis 1 — God did this or God did that, yet not a single sentence is devoted to identifying Him or defining Him. Nothing is said about where God came from or what He is like. The authors of Scripture's clear position is that people come to the Bible already knowing that God exists.  Romans 1:19 says, "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them."

In reality, God does not need us. God did not create man because He was lonely and we had something that He needed to be satisfied. In fact, it could be the highest form of pride for someone to think that God needed something they had or could offer to Him. How can the creature say to the Creator that they had something He needed? What could anyone give to God that He needed? If we gave God everything that we own, it would have no value to God whatsoever. He has no needs. He never lacks in anything. We need what He has and what He offers.

God never changes

Probably no other attribute can bring more confidence and security to the believer than God never changes. Hebrews 13:8 says that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever". Everything about our lives and our world is continuously evolving. None of us are like we were 25 years ago. We have grown, developed, learned, and experienced many different things – but not God. God has never learned something new, and nothing has ever just occurred to God. Change always reflects something getting better or worse, but God cannot improve or get worse in any way. If God were always changing His mind or learning things that He did not previously know, then it would create great anxiety for us. We would wonder that if He loved us before, can He change and no longer love us now? The answer is "never". He never changes.

God is always with you

God is always everywhere all of the time. That is almost impossible to imagine because we can never be in more than one place at a time. God, however, is not limited in where He can be. He is not spread out like butter on bread. You always have the fullness of God's presence with you, and that should provide great comfort. He is never taken by surprise when something happens to you. He knew it was going to happen to you before it ever happened. The best part is that He knows the perfect solution to every problem you face, so all He wants from you is trusting Him with your life.

What should be my response?

The Bible teaches that because of God's "goodness, " that ultimately unbelief in God is entire without excuse.  Romans 1:20, speaking about people who reject God, says, "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Hebrews 11:6 says that someone who truly comes to God "must believe that He is".  God has never done anything in the dark. His love, His Son's sacrifice, His creation – everything is open to sight, visible, obvious. The Bible says that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made", and that should be obvious to anyone willing to accept that a great and amazing God has created them.

Pray this week:

Father, please help me to simply look at the world that you have created and to trust in Your precious Word which promises that I can be one of your children if I simply come to you with childlike faith.

Are you willing to accept that the creator who made you is able to keep you and protect you by His mighty name alone?

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There’s a lot of conflicting information out there regarding which foods are healthy and which are unhealthy. One food that many people feel uncertain about is meat. Red meat is an excellent source of protein and iron, yet some studies suggest that eating meat can be bad for heart health. In fact, a recent study reinforced the evidence suggesting meat is a food that should be eaten in moderation.

Red Meat and Processed Meat Negatively Affect Heart Health

Many past studies have indicated that eating too much red meat can compromise heart health. However, a recent study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine reported that researchers could not definitively say that eating red meat or processed meat (hot dogs, deli meats, bacon, sausage, etc.) could cause health problems like cancer, type 2 diabetes, or heart disease. Many people took that study as being an indicator that it was fine to eat as much meat as they like. However, this latest study adds more evidence to the side of those who say limiting meat is better.

This latest study involved 30,000 adults who were followed for 30 years. The results of the study showed:

  • Eating two servings of processed meat per week increased the risk of heart disease and stroke by 7 percent.
  • Eating 2 or more servings of red meat per week raised the week by 3 percent.
  • Participants who ate 2 or more servings of red meat weekly had a 3 percent higher chance of dying during the study.
  • Overall, eating more red or processed meat raised their risks for heart disease, stroke, and dying.

Healthy Alternatives for Protein

Perhaps you’ve thought about helping your older family member to improve their diet by eating less red or processed meat. You may be uncertain of what kinds of foods they should eat to ensure they meet their protein needs. The good news is that protein is found in lots of different kinds of foods. Some healthy alternative sources of protein are:

  • Seafood.
  • Protein.
  • Low-fat dairy products.
  • Beans.
  • Nuts and seeds.
  • Tofu or other soy products.

Senior care can help your older family member to make healthy changes to their diet, including choosing proteins other than red meat or processed meat. Senior care providers can help the elderly person to plan meals that use fish, poultry, and plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Senior care providers can also drive the older adult to the grocery store and help them to shop. And, finally, a senior care provider can cook meals for your loved one, ensuring they eat a balanced diet including healthy foods they enjoy.

When you know your aging loved-one needs help with companion care, consider in-home care provided by Golden Heart Senior Care. We have offices nationwide. For more information, call us today at (800) 601-2792.


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TAC Lawyers

Do you need a TAC lawyer for your road-related injury?

Our TAC lawyers are experienced and compassionate professionals who understand that when you’ve been injured in a road accident, life can get turned upside down. We know that your health is the number one priority, and no one wants to be dealing with complex legal issues when they’re trying to recover.

We’re here to help you through this challenging time by obtaining compensation from the Transport Accident Commission (TAC). We’ll talk straight with you about your claim and answer any questions you have about the process along the way.

The TAC will pay compensation to road users who are injured while travelling in a car, train, tram, bus or as a cyclist, motorcyclist or a pedestrian. The TAC also pays compensation if someone dies as a result of a road accident.

Your TAC lawyer can help explain compensation for:

  • Medical and related expenses
  • Loss of income
  • Lump sum impairment
  • Pain and suffering damages
  • Loss of wages
  • A death or dependency claim.

Some compensation under the TAC scheme can be accessed on a no-fault basis, so it doesn’t matter who caused or contributed to your injury.

Road users have a duty of care to each other. If they are breached, and you have sustained a serious injury, you may be entitled to pursue compensation for your pain and suffering, and loss of income.

Medical and related expenses may include things like:

  • Medical services
  • Hospital services
  • Rehabilitation services
  • Ambulance services
  • Nursing services
  • Physiotherapy, chiropractic, osteopathy treatment
  • Medication
  • Equipment
  • Psychological/psychiatric services
  • Counselling
  • Household/home help services such as cleaning and gardening
  • Accommodation support
  • Travel expenses and
  • Funeral expenses.

What to do if you think you have a claim:

  1. Report the accident to the police or public transport operator
  2. Obtain the details of the other driver
  3. Obtain the details of any witnesses
  4. Take photographs of the damage to all vehicles involved in the accident on your smart phone
  5. Take photographs on your smartphone of your location, the resting position of all vehicles involved in the accident and your surrounds
  6. Contact the TAC to lodge a claim for any injuries you have sustained in the accident
  7. Make a free appointment with one of our TAC lawyers so you get expert advice on what your entitlements are – obligation free.

For us every case is personal.

Your TAC lawyer will help you with advice regarding your rights and entitlements. We will prepare your case, you will be kept up to date on the progress of your claim and we will secure you the best possible compensation as quickly as possible.

What if you have lost income?

If you can’t work as a result of the injuries you suffered in an accident, you may be entitled to loss of income payments from the TAC. It is worth noting the TAC does not pay for the first 5 days you are off work. You should claim personal leave for this period. After the first 5 days, they pay 80% of your pre injury earnings, capped at a maximum amount.

Loss of income payments are usually paid for the first 18 months to a wage earner, if you are unable to work as a result of the injuries from an accident. After this, you may be eligible for further loss of earning capacity benefits.

To claim loss of income benefits, you will need a TAC Certificate of Capacity from your doctor.

In deciding whether you are entitled to loss of income payments, the TAC will generally look at your employment history and income over the last two years.

Other common types of claims include:

  • Lump Sum Impairment Claim
  • Common Law/Negligence Claim
  • Death/Dependency Claims.

Time limits on claims in Victoria:

  • The law requires you to lodge a claim strictly within 12 months from the date of your accident.
  • If your claim is lodged outside the 12-month period, the TAC has a discretion to consider your claim if it is lodged within 3 years.
  • To pursue a lump sum claim for an impairment benefit, you only have 6 years from the date of your accident.
  • To pursue a lump sum claim for a Common Law claim you only have 6 years from the date of your accident.
  • If you receive an adverse decision from the TAC that you do not agree with you have 12 months to appeal the decision.
  • Examples of an adverse decision include, the denial of your claim, denial or cessation of your entitlements to medical and related expenses or income benefits, the rate or frequency of payments and the level of impairment determined.

Get in touch with us today on
1300 58 46 26.

If you want more information on the TAC visit: www.tac.vic.gov.au

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The TAC encourages all cyclists who have been injured in a road accident to lodge a TAC claim as concerns for cyclist safety come to a head. A recent report reveals the number of road accidents involving cyclists is staggeringly high, particularly along ... Read more

TAC claims outside of the 6-year period

Nathan’s story: Settling a TAC claim outside of the limitation period Limitation periods are no doubt the last thing on your mind when your life, or that of a loved one, has been turned upside down as a result of a road accident. Victorian law requires ... Read more

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Anastasia Eleftheriou

Anastasia is an accredited specialist in personal injury law. She has 10 years’ experience in Workers’ Compensation fighting for the rights of injured workers against large companies and insurers. She has also acted for people injured in motor vehicle accidents as well as in public and private premises.
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Rachel Schutze

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Behavioral health costs account for 6% of health plan spending

By Lisa Gillespie

Behavioral health, including depression and stress, is an increasing area of concern to employers, according to the Disability Management Employer Coalition 2012 Behavioral Risk Survey of small, mid-sized and large companies. The concerns and costs — including direct medical expenses, lost productivity, workers' compensation and disability payments — are made more challenging due to the uncertain future of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

The survey found that direct costs of mental health care represent around 6% of overall health care costs and nearly 30% of young adults (those aged 18 to 25) were estimated to have had a diagnosable disorder, which is more than any other age group. The estimates for adults between the ages of 26 and 49, and those 50 and over were 22.1% and 14.3%, respectively.

Overall, 11.4 million U.S. adults — about 5% of the adult population — have a disorder that greatly impairs their ability to function in daily life. According to the DMEC survey, 47.7% of respondents believe behavioral risk is an important emerging area of concern. Forty percent include a behavioral component in their integrated or coordinated disability/absence management program.

The survey indicates adoption of behavioral health programs could be impacted by the uncertainty surrounding health care reform. Under PPACA, individual and small group insurance plans will most likely be required to offer parity in behavioral health benefits.

With 78.3% of respondents noting that their behavioral health component is a "carve-in" and is attached to their health plan, they may be reluctant to add/develop programs such as behavioral health if they have to "carve it back out" due to the potential for increasing health insurance costs and the uncertainty associated with the legality of PPACA.

Behavioral health conditions are among the most widespread, damaging and yet preventable illnesses from which people suffer,” says Marcia Carruthers, CEO of DMEC. "It is heartening that awareness of behavioral health and its costs to employees, employers and the entire health care system continues to grow. Employers need legal and regulatory certainty to enable them to effectively manage and reduce these costs."


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Unconditional Love

It’s Narcissist Friday!

(The following was posted a few years ago, but it seemed important to share it again.  I pray for all of you at this special time of the year.)

For Christians, Good Friday reminds us of the day Jesus went to the cross for us. We who were sinners, broken and hurting others in our brokenness, needed something more than we could ever get for ourselves. Although we needed a change of thinking, we needed more than new ideas. Although we needed forgiveness, we needed more than just cleansing from our sin. We needed new life.

When Jesus came, He came to give us life. The primary message of the passion is the message of the cost of that life. Jesus suffered, bled, and died to give us life.  His life.  Life in relationship with Him.

Thinking Christians are aware of the great love our Lord has for us. We are only able to come into His presence, to seek what we need, because of that love. That love makes all the difference. We who deserve nothing from the Almighty God, receive everything because of that love. No matter what we have done, He loves us. No matter what we are doing or will do, He still loves us. That kind of love humbles us.

Then we look at the people around us and we are impressed that we, who have received such love, ought to love them. Even the most difficult people in our lives. Even the narcissists. And then we feel guilty.

Fairly often someone asks me how to love a narcissist. I flippantly answer, “From a distance!” I am not being facetious, though. Sometimes the only way to keep loving is to keep that distance.

So how do we, as Christians, love the narcissists? How do we show them the kind of love Jesus showed us?

Some thoughts:

1. You are not Jesus. You will never be able to give the narcissist what he/she needs. Your love will never be enough.  The best you can do is bring the narcissist to Jesus for His love.  But even that result is not in your hands.

2. Love does not always demand your presence. I am impressed with how often Jesus withdrew from the people. He was human and needed rest and space. (Luke 5:16) He took care of Himself. How can you get by with less?

3. Jesus did not entrust Himself to the people. (John 2:24) That means that He did not allow them to command His time and energy or to decide His purpose.  He did not allow them to define Him.  Narcissists are driven to control. You don’t have to let them control you.

4. Jesus knew the truth and spoke the truth about people. (John 8:44) He said hard things that people did not want to hear. Then He allowed them to accept or reject His words.  He knew that some people lied when they expressed their affection for or interest in Him.  He knew they just wanted to use Him.

5. Jesus understood that there was a time to walk away. (Mark 6:11) Those who did not want a relationship with Him were free to go their way without Him.  Let Him lead you to know when that time will be. It may be that He tells you to stay longer, and He may give you freedom to leave.

Now, my point with all of this is to say that the One who is love most amazing, who loves most generously, who gives and serves most sacrificially—even He allowed limits. There was nothing He would not do for them, but only if it would truly help them. He didn’t walk around giving money to everyone or even healing everyone.  He reached out to those who wanted what He offered.  He would forgive them, empower them, set them free—if they wanted. If they didn’t want it, He would respect them and Himself enough to walk away. And, all the while, He was loving them.

When we talk about unconditional love, we often think that means putting up with anything no matter what the outcome. But when it becomes clear that it is not helping for us to continue and that the person we are trying to love is not willing to receive what we offer, then there comes a time to walk away. And, even then, we can love them. We can continue to pray for them, to bring them to Jesus. We can do that from a distance. We can be safe and productive and never see the person—and still love them. But we don’t have to continue to put up with their abuse.

Narcissists may say they want a relationship with you, but they only want someone to serve them.  They need people to use.  Allowing them to use you is not love.  They want your service, loyalty, and energy–not your love.  Your love offers relationship.

It is not love that moves a person to become passive and victimized in a relationship. Love means offering something of yourself to another. If you have no more to give, or if what you give is never enough, perhaps the problem is not yours. Perhaps what keeps you in the abusive relationship is guilt or shame or fear or desire, but it isn’t love.  Duty is not love.

Over the past few years I have worked to respond to a movement in the culture that says God saves people even when they don’t want Him to. There are teachers who say that God will somehow, someday, make everyone respond to His love. But that is not love. That is control.

The One who went to the cross for you and me, offers His love freely and allows us to accept or reject what He wants to give. The truth reminds me of a t-shirt I once saw: “Not all sinners want to be forgiven.” And there it is. Jesus offers forgiveness in a relationship. Those who want the life He offers, will find the forgiveness that comes with it.  There is no end to the love of God and no limit other than respect, respect for the will of those who want no part of relationship.

Sometimes people just want to take your time, money, loyalty, service, and anything else they can get. They don’t want your love, your life. They just want to use you. They don’t want a relationship with you as a person. Love is relationship. Love is sharing. That’s what Jesus offers to all of us. That’s what you offer to the narcissist. But when it is clear that the one to whom love is offered really doesn’t want it, it may be time to move on.

Filed under grace, Narcissism, Uncategorized

14 responses to “Unconditional Love

  1. 20:20

    Awesome post! Thank you once again.

  2. Cookie

    Dave – I have been receiving your posts for a few years now and I just want to say that this is the best one ever! You addressed the crux of the matter when it comes to being a Christian while being in a relationship with a narcissist. When we ponder what Jesus did for us, while we were yet sinners, we feel obligated to continue to love others no matter how unhealthy or painful the consequences. But you gave us a much more comprehensive and realistic view of what that unconditional love of Jesus looks like. This truth is so important because I really believe that the enemy twists the teaching of scripture for his own purposes – to kill, steal and destroy. Those post is worth reading once a week as a reminder! Thank you – God used your body, mind and spirit to speak truth into my life today!

  3. Adele

    Dear Dave. I agree wholeheartedly with Cookie. This is an excellent post. Thank you for speaking the truth about Jesus. Thank you for speaking the truth about narcissists.

  4. Tara E Mclaughlin

    Thank you for your timely post. The Lord used it today in my life and has given me grace and peace to settle my heart.I am going to save this one for a very long time and reread it during weak moments. When I am weak, the Lord reminds me of my twin sister’s inability to have a meaningful relationship with me at this time. She is lost (unsaved) and needs Christ. The most loving thing I can do is to give her to God in prayer and let God work in her life. Thank you again and God Bless. Tara

  5. Patty

    Wow, I was practically begging God yesterday for answers to everything that you addressed in this post, especially the “Guilt”! I agree with what the other ladies said, no need to repeat.
    May the Father bless you this Resurrection season, you are truly doing what He has sent you to do Dave. No doubt you will hear the words, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

    He Is Risen Indeed!!!!!!!

  6. Gratefully Yours

    It seems every Easter there is a heightened awareness of God doing something great and this post by Dave was certainly one of them. Dave’s words are the icing on my cake during a week of heightened discovery.

    God prepared me for Dave’s article a few days ago when I read Dan Allendar’s “Bold Love” description of people who are Evil, Fools, Simpletons and Wise and how to “love them”. I learned on page 281 “the temptation to create conversations that are designed to get the fool ‘to see’ is stronger than the most addictive drug known to humankind…and it must be resisted, fought, and fled from…or else the fool will trample over the pearls spread before his cloven feet. If and when a fool begins to feel some sadness over his sin, discussion should be poignant, penetrating, and visionary.”

    “Holy Thursday” was the 20th Anniversary of the day I became engaged to my covert narcissist husband who notified me 2/15/18 he wants a divorce next year after the kids graduate from homeschool H.S. He’d ignored me for Christmas and Valentine’s so I knew something was up, then after our 2/15 talk he bought himself a speed boat… Having women pray for me this week, I made time for more discussion on that special day and had my husband take a Leslie Vernick Top 5 values test. Though “having companionship” and “loving someone” were on my top 5 they were bereft from his which were more self-serving and detached. It seems these talks of divorce actually create more respect in his treatment of me because they support his drive to be detached so I’m treated better like one of the “outsiders” he impresses. Finding comfort in Abigail’s story of heroism as she lived in truth while married to Nabal, I’m no longer afraid of the future and confident in who I am as a valuable person.

    Looking to the future and wondering how I got here so I can avoid another repeat, I’ve puzzled over my pattern of loving husband’s who don’t love back. Then this morning I realized the way my narcissist parents raised me, they always supported one of my “bully siblings” and overlooked the anguish and damage he was doing to my heart. My mom over-rode my feelings of dislike and insisted I didn’t hate him but that I loved him. Repeated over and over, this twisted pattern bred narcissism and the reason I didn’t see red flags but followed that pattern into adulthood. My brother still emotionally bullies my mom with her support and I’m being divorced from my 2nd narcissist husband (first was a more obvious overt narcissist and I was out in 7 years, but I didn’t know about narcissism till three years ago so I fell right back into it when I thought I was completely avoiding another bad marriage). Now I see I believed the lie that it was more important that I love others than whether or not they loved me. That’s my mom’s theme song but it’s not the song of Jesus as He wants me to love and be loved. He too reaches out His loving arms calling to every one of us in Luke 13:34 “…how I’ve longed to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings…” and it is up to us to reach back and take Him in. That is love. That is a marriage. A relationship in which the aroma of love is found in the embrace of living forgiven rather than perfect. It is Grace for my Heart.

    Once more I am grateful for your words and the comments which have sustained me as we navigate this life together. It will be exciting to meet and greet all of you in Heaven with a big hug. I wish you all a glorious Easter weekend and much love resting in the arms of our Lord Jesus, the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep, our Messiah, our Christ, our redeeming Savior. Bless you all!

  7. Savedbygrace

    thankyou Dave- I sat in our Good Friday service and rightly focusing on God’s amazing grace and unconditional love and couldn’t help but wrestle with those questions you have addressed here- thankyou, your words are like healing balm to my soul. Blessings to you and yours this Easter

  8. Thank you for helping to clarify things like duty and relationships and unconditional love. I was ready for this post. The comments were also helpful. God bless.

  9. KayJay

    I’ve been contemplating this post for 2 days. Please pray for me. I want to leave, but don’t see a way to do so. When someone ruins every dinner conversation, can’t be trusted to not have inappropriate behavior in public, much less in private, when the kids won’t come to visit because their dad makes it so unpleasant, it’s probably time for a change. It just seems too overwhelming after almost 3 decades.

  10. guardyourheart

    this is a great reminder thank you pastor Dave. almost finished your book it helped me feel lifted above the problems and see our value , thank you its a blessing

  11. I would like to share an amazing worship song ;

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Service With A Purpose

Every July, youth and adults spend one week together in the Appalachia Mountains working with the organization the Appalachian Service Project (ASP). On the trip, youth and adults do building and repair work with the goal of making homes warmer, safer, and drier for the families who live in them.

Fundraisers take place throughout the year to help pay for the trip, including making and selling Christmas wreaths every fall.

We love for people to join us on this trip. If you have more questions about ASP or want to know how to join us, call the church office 920-553-1222 and speak with Pastor Kim or Nicole Herda.

building at woodland dunes

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At Grace Congregational United Church of Christ, we welcome all to journey with us, including persons of every race, culture, age, gender identity, sexual orientation, ability, economic status, and family structure.

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