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Saturday, November 22, 2014

3 Months & 3 Stockings

...and about 3 minutes to blog. It's so challenging to find time, but I don't want to give it up!

Preston turned 3 months this week. Such a sporty little guy...

It's pretty crazy how much things can change in another month's time.
I remember when all I wanted was for him to hold his head up on his own. Such a small feat you might think, but a whole new world of possibilities opens up when babies can hold their head up unassisted.

He's now able to sit in his carrier facing outward and loves it...

He never liked his Bjorn (or any other carrier for that matter) much before, even though I have tried many. I think he has claustrophobic tendencies like his parents or something. Plus, even though it had been ages since he's breastfed, he'd start motorboating my cleavage anytime I tried to wear him towards me...even if he wasn't hungry.  It was funny to an extent, but not so productive an event for him or I. I'm thrilled he can now hang out facing the world and likes to be worn. We even vacuum the house together.

We've been doing a little special ops training in the mornings to strengthen his neck even more, and practice the art of rolling over...

Preston has also developed a love for books! Hallelujah! He showed little interest the first couple months when reading to him, but I just kept trying until he was able to focus on the images and hold his head up more to enjoy what he was looking at. All of a sudden he started really getting into story time. It's so fun to see the expressions on his face and the reactions in his developing's easy to tell which books and pictures are his favorites. He gives plenty of input himself, and I try to pause and let him talk during story time, so he knows I'm listening and involving him.

We're still on a tight budget while hubby's not working, so purchasing many toys hasn't happened. However we're slowly building our book collection however possible. The public library is limited on things his level and have very few board books, but we cleaned out their shelves this week.

I have a feeling the store Half Priced Books is going to be a popular place for us. They don't give you squat for trading in your old books, but their books for sale are pretty cheap, some on clearance for only $1. We traded in old books of ours and walked away with a small stack of few new ones for only $7! Crazy cheap!

Thankfully P has become MUCH easier to take out in public solo. Little to no screaming for diaper changes, and the weather has cooled off so he's more comfortable in his travel system. The past few times I've taken him out by myself he's been a breeze to manage. He barely mutters a peep and is quite content with car rides. He smiles whenever I go to put him in his car seat now. Lord, please let this last forever!

I've joined a few meetup groups for moms as well, and we went to our first outing together this inflatables bounce gym. Of course, he couldn't bounce, but I think it's good for both of us to get out and socialize. He ended up sleeping the whole time despite the ruckus that was going on... at least I know he can be civil if I take him out with groups now. ha!

Perhaps the best moment of the month has been decorating for Christmas. Yes, I know it's still early to be decorating, but the cold snap last weekend had us feeling festive! For the first time in years we hung stockings...and 3 of them, praise God! I had a momentary breakdown in the holiday isle when purchasing them, thinking back to the other holiday seasons, going through fertility treatments and losing pregnancies. Finally, we have 3 stockings!

One thing that sucks THE MOST when experiencing infertility is the holidays. You force yourself to decorate and give gifts. You try your best not to cry at every turn, but all you want to do is crawl into a hole and hide from the heart-wrenching stream of family cards that show up endlessly in your mailbox. I have not, for one second, forgotten about all of my sisters in infertility who are still on their journey to parenthood. Hang in there, because you will get your family eventually, and when you do it will change your entire perspective, I promise!

This is the first year in quite a while I've truly embraced Christmas and soooo much of the bitterness I had before is POOF, gone. It doesn't hurt that we now have a little help decorating...

I am just as much a bucket of tears these days, but it's for completely different reasons. Where I used to be overcome by sorrow every day, I'm now overcome with joy...and maybe still a few weird hormones left over after pregnancy? Seriously, am I going to be a hormonal mess forever? I'm going to become one of those old ladies walking around with tissues in my purse and a spare pack to hand them out in church.

Lastly, speaking of the holidays, we created a "wish list" on amazon for Preston, so that relatives who ask can see what he can use and can purchase gifts easily online. I'm noticing that practically everything runs on batteries these days. I have a few old school things like blocks and the "Farmer Says" toy, but would love any suggestions on good toys to get a baby under 1 yr. old that do not run on batteries. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Mission to Sleep: To Crib from Rock 'n Play in 1 Day

If there's one device that moms everywhere have developed a love hate relationship with, it's probably the Rock 'n Play Sleeper. If you don't know what it is, here's a picture (complete with non-realistic well rested mom)...

Why Love? Only because it is the most versatile, portable, inexpensive, magically calming, life saving, miraculous baby device on the market! Seriously, if you are having a baby or giving a baby gift, this is THE ONE thing to have...the perfectly angled bed, the soothing vibrations at the mere touch of a button, the snuggly sides that keep baby cozied up and reassured anytime they wake themselves up with their startle reflex mid-snooze, and the fact you can tote it anywhere from bedside to shower side so you can make sure baby is safe at all times and actually get some shit done. The list goes on...

Then, why on earth Hate? This thing is like crack for babies! Unfortunately, with a 25 lb weight limit, they can't just sleep in it forever, and there's no shortage of horror stories from moms who've tried to transition their babes from RNP to crib. I don't blame these babies for rebelling when the switch is made. I mean, who wants to give up all the coziness of the RNP for a big ole empty flat boring crib?

A couple things I should state for the record. There is some controversy on if/how much you should allow your baby to sleep in a RNP. Among them, things like flat head, torticollis, and upper airway obstruction due to the inclined nature are noted by some doctors as possible risks. These are serious things to consider of course. On the other hand, the RNP is very commonly recommended by many pediatricians, especially to parents of kiddos with acid reflux, due to the exact same characteristics in design. So is it safe? My pediatrician said absolutely it's fine. In fact, she recommended not even attempting the transition from RNP to crib this early. I was shocked to hear her say that actually.

I am certainly not smarter than our pediatrician, but I will say that the bigger Preston was becoming the more I felt the urge to go ahead and transition to crib now. His feet and legs were becoming more scrunched at the end to where he was sleeping in a squat position. While this doesn't pose a risk, I didn't want him to get to used to that position. Most concerning was the fact he'd become so heavy (he's now over 15 lbs!), the support was starting to sag and I noticed his head began to slump forward during sleep more. I was having a hard time sleeping as well, because I was so worried about watching his breathing like a hawk when he was in it. It was time to make the move to crib.

And because there are so many horror stories out there about making the switch, I wanted to share our personal experience...It was not bad at all!
I really think it went smoothly because we didn't just move him into a completely different room, and throw him into a completely different "feeling" space to sleep. Some people may be able to do that with success, but I don't think our guy would have gone for it one hot minute.

Before the actual crib transition began, we moved his RNP into his nursery a month ago and kept it right next to his crib.
This way he became very familiar with his own room and the view he'd have from his crib. We used a portable mobile to hang above the RNP from time to time so that he'd get used to seeing that above his head as well. Then the time came to make the big move. So without further adieu, here's what worked for us...

1) Propped the crib up on one end using books.
This gave an inclined feel to his new sleeping space. While it wasn't quite as angled as the RNP, it definitely wasn't flat. Over time, we will remove one book at a time, so that he won't feel such a drastic transition to a completely flat mattress.

*We've already removed one book and will remove another tonight.

2) Made a "snugglenest" using a rolled up beach towel.
We placed this under the fitted crib sheet in the middle of the crib. This way, it wasn't such a big wide open space, and he still gets a cozy feel when he moves about. There are no loose blankets, so it's perfectly safe. Over time we can replicate with smaller (thinner) towels to lower the height of the snugglenest until it's taken away completely.

3) Placed a large firm throw pillow at the end of crib near feet. This way if he slid downward or kicked his feet, which he did a lot in the RNP, there would be something there to provide soft resistance instead of just crib rungs or empty space. We tied the pillow to the crib rungs firmly as well, so if he kicked, the pillow would not fall back onto him.

4) Put soothing vibration unit under crib mattress.
We took the battery powered vibration unit out of our Pack 'n Play (yet another baby sleeping device), which has only been used for diaper changes to this day and placed it under his crib mattress instead. This made the crib mattress vibrate, just like the RNP. This unit also happens to have an MP3 player you can play soft music from if you choose.

*I'm really not certain if/how much this element played a role, because the batteries were dying and after only a couple nights he went without any vibration just fine. We have now removed the vibration unit altogether...if he's fine without it, no sense in adding it back in and continuing the habit. If you're having issues transitioning, it might help, but you also might be fine without this step.

6) Placed mobile at center of crib hanging above his head. We used this mobile above his RNP prior, so it would be familiar to him.

7) Hung "baby shusher" in corner near his head. I have had more than one mom roll their eyes at me for using this thing, but I don't care. It works, both as a calming measure while mid-tantrum and also a preventative measure to prevent restlessness in the first place. It has one function and one function only. It goes "shhhhhh" to your baby at increments of 15 min & 30 min. You turn it on and it literally shushes baby to sleep for you. We had used this in the RNP prior with success, so figured we'd keep it in play in the crib. When I lay him down to sleep, I just turn the baby shusher on, lights off, and leave the room.

So, there you have it. Might seem like overkill just to get a baby into a crib. However, I would rather give him more than enough at first and then take away elements of comfort piece by piece, than to move to crib cold turkey with a not so pleasant experience for either of us.

The BEST part is that he seemed to sleep more restfully in his crib that first night than he even slept in his RNP. In fact, he is now going longer between feeds and has had a couple nights where he's only eaten twice throughout the night. It's been a week now, and he has slept as good or better in his crib every single night as compared to his sleep in the RNP.

First night sleeping in his crib! woo hoo!

We are probably still a long way from sleeping through the night entirely, but he is in his bed, in his room, and we are in our bed, in our room, on a completely different floor for the most part. It may not be perfection YET, but it's movement in the right direction!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

2 Months for the Diaper Diva!

I won't lie. Month 1 could not have gone by any slower. Being a new mom was/is hard work. However, dare I say things are actually getting a liiiitle bit easier to figure out?! The days and nights are going a tad bit smoother, and time is really starting to fly by.

I am now seeing what people mean when they say to enjoy it, because it goes by too fast! In fact, Preston turned 2 months over a week ago on the 18th, and I'm just now having a moment to blog about it. I took some 2 month shots of him, which turned out pretty cute considering I had about 3 minutes to get them before he started losing interest. He got all excited once I put down the golf tees and balls next to him, which is definitely a good sign for dad...

We're getting lots of smiles these days, and his personality is really starting to show.  I've a feeling we've got a little lady killer on our hands. I can't wait to see more of his little personality reveal itself.

Preston's 8 week check-up went really well...much better than I'd anticipated. In fact, I am the only wuss in the family apparently. The minute the nurse came in with the tiny silver tray of needles, I started tearing up and had to walk to the corner of the room while hubby stepped in to be with P. There was a really loud cry as he received the shots in his legs, but he was perfectly fine 1 minute later before we even left the office. His new wubbanub has proven to be a Godsend. The minute we got in the car he was out cold, with puppy paci in tote...

He had a very low grade temp over the following 24 hrs, but we gave him Tylenol a couple times and he slept it off fine. No horror stories or major fussiness to speak of THANKFULLY. Preston weighed 13 lbs. 3 oz at the apt (80% for growth) but is now over 14 lbs!

A week later we thought it was high time we ventured into public, although I was kind of hesitant. We're still being extremely careful about public places and strangers wanting to hover. There is just too much nonsense out there going around. A friend told me about these cool little signs that you can hang above baby to nicely say "Back the F off!" haha!

I felt better having the signage although I'm not sure we needed it. Although we made sure P was fed, changed, and happy before we left, we had 3 wet diapers with hissyfits for each in the course of 45 minutes, and he was hungry again and eating in the car by the time we called it quits. Exhausting much?

I seriously don't think I can handle taking him out in public places by myself yet, because it took both hubby and I to accomplish the mission. Hubby took him twice to change him while I bought diapers at Target. The boy does NOT like sitting in wet diapers and lets you know the minute he goes. Such a diaper diva! Apparently, he also doesn't like hand blow dryers that sound like an airplane is landing in the restroom either, as it scared the living daylights out of him and made him cry. It was also 87 degrees out, and he was sweating and uncomfortable in his carrier, poor thing.

Next time, I think we'll take his Baby Bjorn and strap him onto me instead. At least we tried though, and we were proud that we managed to hit 3 stores quickly. We were determined to say the least! Perhaps we should expose him to some new people in the comfort of our own home for now, before bombing him with so much stimulation all at once. He was so darn happy to be back home, and it was obvious.

Speaking of outings, I have a question for moms with babies who HATE wet diapers. We used to at least take walks around the neighborhood and P would sleep, but this is no longer guaranteed since he's awake more these days. What on earth do you do if you're out walking and a wet diaper occurs God forbid? We have a few little parks around our neighborhood with benches to change him on (which I've done), but if it occurs a mile away from home (which it has), I can't exactly just whip him out onto someone's front lawn and change him! So then, I am the crazy lady walking around the hood with a screaming baby. This has put a crimp in our walking plans as of late, and I'm really hoping this "Get this pee diaper off me NOW!!!" phase dies out. All suggestions are welcome if you've experienced the same thing, please and thank you!

Needless to say, we've been trying to stay as busy as possible and get outside while at home. Preston looooves being outside, especially now with a couple cooler mornings. The other day we picked roses...

He likes having his Rock n' Play outside with his toy arch attached. We sit outside and enjoy fresh air and birds chirping in the mornings...

Always guarantees some smiles...

Practicing grabbing and pulling on things...

Spending time sitting in his bumbo chair, although his fat little pork chops are already getting stuck in it when we lift him out...

He still snuggles with his favorite stuffed fox (and of course his puppy wubbanub)...

And since the pedi says he has the head control of a 4 month old (yes, a little humble brag), we are enjoying our new jumperoo too...

He loves spinning the wheel while mom or dad helps him bounce. And by the way, he's pretty smitten with his dad too...

Snuggamonkey play mat time on the daily...

And as much as P hates wet diapers, he loooves it the minute he has a new fresh one on. Immediate contentment...

Taking the cake is bath time. What was once a hit or miss event, has now earned a 100% hit rate for happy baby...

Last but certainly not least, we are enjoying plenty of extra snuggle time these days. Looking back on these pics, it's just crazy how much he's progressing and learning and growing in such a short time. I am cherishing every last snuggle that I can while he still wants to be in my arms...

It's safe to say, I'm falling more head over heels in love the sweet little man that Preston is becoming each day.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Power of a Praying Wife

When hubby and I got married, I would always hear how "marriage is hard work." I'm sure you've heard this saying too. The funny thing is that I never understood that phrase. Marriage wasn't hard work for us. I guess we were extremely lucky, because it always just worked really well without the hard part.

Maybe it's because my mom prayed my entire life that I'd meet the exact man God had chosen for me. Maybe it's because we lived together for quite some time before getting hitched. It wasn't like we moved in together for the first time. In fact, my husband was living in London working for a tech company and I was teaching 6th grade in Orlando at the time we got married. We'd lived together, apart, and had survived a lot. I'd just lost my mom to cancer a few months prior and my step-father to cancer 6 months before that. That to me, was HARD. Marriage was not.

We had YEARS of living without much worry; financially, health-wise, emotionally. We moved a lot for his company yes, but outside of that, life was gravy. We went where we wanted, when we wanted, and did things how we wanted.

Then, came the unexpected 3 yr+ journey to parenthood. Never could we have prepared for the bumps in the road. I have seen marriages end a result of embarking on this excruciatingly tough road. Not ours thankfully. However, I think it was the first time in a long time where life (which includes marriage) required work. I know I don't need to explain. You guys GET IT.

So here we stand, arriving at the place we've worked so hard to get to. Our dreams of becoming parents have come true. We have a beautiful, healthy baby boy who lights up both of our worlds the minute he opens his eyes every single day.

Why then, does it feel like I'm sometimes drowning in a mess of emotions still...or maybe again, just in a different way? I find myself floundering to figure out this parenting thing. I'm surprised at how well I'm learning to mother in certain areas, yet feeling completely defeated in others. Am I doing this right??

One of the places I know I can do better is being a better wife. I have caught myself a lot lately being someone I don't want to be...someone who makes sarcastic remarks, or corrects my husband, has to have things "my way", or becomes a smart ass when someone wraps a piece of pizza in tin foil because it's too loud and will wake the baby sleeping in the living room. Yep, that happened. To my defense though, why must tin foil be so loud?

I know without a doubt much of it's due to getting literally only 3 solid hours of sleep each night (usually 9 pm-midnight) until my shift for baby watch begins again from 12-6 am. My body is getting so used to lack of sleep it's even become impossible to nap while P's napping, whether it be day OR night. I won't lie. It's wearing me thin, and it presents itself by highlighting all of my most flawed character traits, bringing those into the forefront. It doesn't help that I am a textbook Gemini. Whoever said life is like a box of chocolates must have missed greek mythology and the story of Pandora.

However, this too shall pass. The life of a first time parent, and especially one of a newborn, is going to present challenges that no one could prepare us for. And for one of the very few times in our lives, marriage may actually require some work. It may require me to hold my tongue more often, to ask myself how what I'm about to say or do affects my spouse and my family, and to be comfortable with not being right. I am working on it though, and am committed to being a more laid back wife who points her finger a little less.

Recently, I started reading a new devotional, The Power of a Praying Wife. I'm only a couple chapters in, but this book couldn't have come at a better time. I am absolutely loving it! I want to share with you the first prayer from the book.

If you take the time to read it, I promise you won't be disappointed. I hope you get as much from it as did I...

Lord, help me to be a good wife. I fully realize that I don't have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mind-sets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation. Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace, and joy (Galatians 5:22-23). I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.

Show me where there is sin in my heart, especially with regard to my husband. I confess the times I've been unloving, critical, angry, resentful, disrespectful, or unforgiving toward him. Help me to put aside any hurt, anger, or disappointment I feel and forgive him the way You do-totally and completely, no looking back. Make me a tool of reconciliation, peace, and healing in this marriage. Enable us to communicate well.

Make me my husband's helpmate, companion, champion, friend, and support. Help me to create a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home to. Teach me how to take care of myself and stay attractive to him. Grow me into a creative and confident woman who is rich in mind, soul, and spirit. Make the the kind of woman he can be proud to say is his wife.

I lay all my expectations at your cross. I release my husband from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only You, Lord, are perfect, and I look to You to perfect us.

Teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a true language of love. Where love has died, create new love between us. Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way he can clearly perceive. Bring unity between us so that we can be in agreement about everything (Amos 3:3). May the God of patience and comfort grant us to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus (Romans 15:5). Make us a team, not pursuing separate, competitive, or independent lives, but working together, overlooking each others' faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the marriage. Help us to pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another (Romans 14:19). May we be "perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgement" (1 Corinthians 1:10).

I pray that our commitment to You and to one another will grow stronger and more passionate every day. Enable him to be the head of the home as You made him to be, and show me how to support and respect him as he rises to that place of leadership. Help me to understand his dreams and see things from his perspective. Reveal to me what he wants and needs and show me potential problems before they arise. Breathe Your life into this marriage.

Make me a new person, Lord. Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with the man You've given me. Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance. Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me.

In Jesus' name I pray.

No matter what we're going through in life, I've always known that our marriage needs to come first. Even with Preston now here, my husband still comes first and always will. We are the foundation that this family will be built upon, and as everyone knows, a house that's broken will not stand. I want our house to be solid. I want to be the wife that my husband wants to be around 24/7. I want Preston to feel the unmistakeable love that exist between his mom and dad and to find that same love for himself someday.

Love this man!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

No More Pumping, No Regrets

I know this title may come as a shock if you've been following and know how much effort has gone into providing breastmilk day and night for little P. Let's see...there have been at least 3 lactation consultants at the hospital and 1 at home, renting of a hospital grade pump, supplements that were causing more gas than good, baking of enough lactation cookies to feed an army, and a virtual non-stop rotation of feeding, burping, calming, pumping, hand expressing, and washing pumping parts 7-8 times per day...and yes, I am tired just reading my own writing.

So, how does playtime and snuggling with a newborn fit into all that chaos? Well, it doesn't very easily at all. Even if baby adhered to some predictable sort of schedule (which he shouldn't be expected to this early) the whole pumping routine would be difficult. Add to the mix days when baby is going through a growth spurt and cluster feeding (eating every hour practically). It's extremely difficult to least for me.

Correction: It's been difficult for US. I have an extremely helpful husband who has cared for P countless times so I could pump.  He's been soooo amazingly supportive, from being up all night helping with those dreaded SNS feedings, to being part of the LC consults, to dropping whatever he's doing at a moment's notice to support my ability to pump. I was spending about 4 hours each day on the entire process, so without hubby it never ever could have worked as long as it did.

4 hours. That's a lot of time that could be spent in a precious snuggle or reading a story or singing Itsy Bitsy Spider....the list of things I could be doing with Preston and would RATHER be doing with him just became much too long to ignore. And if I can be just a tiny bit selfish, there would also be more room for SLEEP, eating better, and caring for myself and our home...all things that would help me be a better mom anyway.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not do things half-ass. I put a lot of energy into things I set my mind to in general, and giving P as much breastmilk as possible was one of those things. However, there were enough rough and sleep deprived days that both hubby and I had to re-examine what we could do to make things less stressful. And while I realize it didn't have to be all or nothing, without a doubt we agreed that pumping was just something no one would miss...not even Preston.

I felt guilty at first that breastfeeding was not the picture perfect experience I'd hoped for, complete with rainbows and butterflies. Pumping wasn't nearly as sustainable as I'd hoped either. Of course I want the best nutrition for my child, but I am also open to the fact that giving him formula (the most expensive kind on the market might I add) does not make me a bad mom. As my dear friend Amber reminded me, "Want to see a bad mom? Turn on the news!" Right you are my friend!

I began the process of weaning off the pump last week and was already down to 1 pump yesterday. I do believe I'm officially done as of today, and I don't think my body was fighting me much on the decision to stop obviously. It seemed very happy to hang a "closed for business" sign on the door and begin getting back to normal in record time. Other things I won't miss are arthritic hands from all the hand expressing, rashes on my boobs, blisters on my swollen nips, and the uncomfortable heaviness of boobs my body wasn't designed for. I can tell you with 100% certainty now that I will not ever be getting breast implants. I have never been so grateful to be an A cup again and regain admittance into the IBTC!

Furthermore, I am beyond content with our decision and won't allow myself to feel guilty for making the best choices I can for our family...even if it's not someone else's path. Our path to parenthood was not conventional in the first place, so I am used to rolling with the punches by now. Surely there will be many more things that turn out differently than what I envisioned at first...and that's O.K!

The past week has been much easier and more enjoyable to say the least. Now when I feed Preston nothing pulls me away afterwards. I'm not watching the clock and can just cradle him in my arms and take an afternoon catnap. I will admit though, that most times I stay awake and just watch him nap and snore and breathe. I notice every little hair on his head and wrinkle on his chunky little fingers. Many times I just sit there with tears in my eyes, grateful for every last thing about him. I couldn't have asked for a better little boy, and I'm going to cherish every free moment I have with him.

These little piggies = Perfection

Snuggling in my lap as we speak

Friday, October 3, 2014

10 True Things About the First Year of Parenthood (via Girl of Cardigan)

I did not write the following pearls of wisdom, but I really needed to read them today. I hope you like this post as much as I did. It's from an amazing blog called Girl of Cardigan. Grab some of these and enjoy...

I did a ridiculous amount of reading when I was pregnant.  I read natural parenting books and baby scheduling books and how to make your baby happy with no crying and eating is good for everyone led by the spirit of your baby your self books.  If there was a book to read, rest assured, I gave it a go.

I thought I knew everything I’d need to know.

How much of that information did I actually use?  Some.  A little.  The best bits of this, a quick trick from that, but no single book was spot-on accurate, and nothing was anywhere near as easy as all my reading had led me to believe.  Fable was just herself, and apparently she hadn’t been reading the same stuff I’d been bingeing on.  All that reading was mostly a waste of time.

These are the words I wish I’d read instead, before jumping headlong into the mommyhood with my books and my charts and my ideals and my high horses.  They’re flawed, and they aren’t all pretty, but they’re hard won and honest and as true as I can get’em.

Here’s what I wish I’d known:

1. You are going to suck at this parenting gig and be awesome at it at the same time, all the time.  You will be a different parent every morning to a child who will also be different, sometimes changing in just hours, or minutes, or before your eyes.  There will be good days and bad days, good minutes and bad minutes, good choices and not so good ones.  You will do some things, probably a lot of things, wrong.  Be gentle with yourself, because you are wildly loved and incredibly needed.  You are climbing Mt. Everest with basically zero conditioning – expect to be kind of terrible at it for awhile.  You are beautiful.  We are for you.

2. Post-partum bodies are squashy and wobbly and dimpled and stretched and foreign and embarrassing and difficult and painful and gorgeously imperfect, and they tend to stay that way for quite awhile.  You made a human.  Now make your peace.  Eat good food.  Walk around when you’re well enough.  Listen to the people who tell you you’re beautiful.  Take them at their word.  Remember where your worth comes from.

3. Your baby is not like the other babies.  Your baby is the only one of herself who has ever been, and you and your partner are the only experts on her.  Your baby will not behave like the books say, won’t like what she’s supposed to like, won’t do what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it, and that’s normal and great and perfectly okay.  The best thing you can do is put down your literature and get to know your baby.  What does she like?  What makes her laugh?  How does she best fall asleep?  What does hungry sound like?  The discovery of these things will serve you so much more than any stranger’s care instructions ever will.  You don’t have to make your life or your family look like any particular model – you don’t have to follow the rules.  You just have to create a life that works for you and fosters love and security and a whole lot of laughter.  If that looks like 2am pancake parties, I’m not going to tell on you.  I might actually admire you and be just a little bit jealous.

4. We have got to stop telling people that things should be easy and painless.  We live in a culture that equates ease with value – the easier it is, the better it is, if it hurts you, something is wrong.  Reality check: sometimes things that are hard and painful are also really, really good.  Every once in a while as a parent, one of the things that you thought would be really difficult turns out to be incredibly easy and drama-free.  This is called a miracle, and though it might be somehow related to some book you read and the alignment of the stars and a magic way you pat the soles of your baby’s feet and the tea you drink on Thursdays, it’s still mostly a miracle, and the odds of that same miracle happening to EVERY OTHER PARENT EVERYWHERE are pretty slim, even with books and stars and tea and so much foot-patting.  We get excited in our victories, and want to share them, but it’s important to remember that we are all struggling with different issues.  One daddy’s easy is some mama’s nightmare.  And just because your baby doesn’t sleep through the night at five weeks or eat with a fork by her first birthday or cries a lot or your boobs get sore from breastfeeding (even though her latch is perfect) – just because it isn’t EASY and PAINLESS – it isn’t necessarily wrong.  Sometimes hard is okay, sometimes, often, it’s even good.  Hard is how we grow.  And guess what, kiddo – parenting is hard.  Any book that tells you otherwise deserves the big fat sticker of bullshit.

5. Speaking of bullshit, oh mylanta, the poop.  They warn you.  They tell you.  And despite every warning, it is still baffling and alarming and downright awe-inspiring how much of your next year is going to be spent dealing with, assessing, smelling for, washing off, evaluating, discussing, logging, and transporting poop.  Get good and comfy with poop, friends.  The poop cometh.  For whom the poop tolls.  The hunt for poop-tober – you get the idea.

6. The sooner you can figure out how to accept unwanted advice gracefully, the easier your year is going to be.  For whatever reason, people love to weigh in on babies – everyone has an opinion, and everyone wants to share.  I believe that most of this advice is pretty well-intended – most of it falls into the “it worked for me and I am so happy and I want to share my joy joy joy with you because you look very tired” category, which is at least only mildly offensive and really very sincere.
Here’s the thing – you can stumble through this crazy first 12 months in defense mode, snapping witty comebacks at judgey old ladies or know-it-all childless people, or you can decide to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, smile and say thank you, and become very zen and confident about knowing what’s best for your child and not giving one ounce of your abundance of poop about what anyone else says.

If I were you, I’d aim for zen.

Nobody is out to get you.  Everyone wants you to succeed.  And screw them all anyway, because you are raising a child, and that is awesome.  Did your kid eat something today?  Is she relatively hygienically sound?  Smiles occasionally?  You win all the things.  You are awesome enough to absorb any and all commentary, keep the bits you like, and toss the bits you don’t.  How sweet of them to care.

7. Start stretching, because it’s time to get flexible.  I’m not a big fan of general statements like “All babies like swaddling” or “Co-sleeping is best for everybody,” but there is one I can get behind – babies are really inconvenient.  Your schedule, your sleep, your stellar punctuality record, your deadlines, your best shirts, your relationships – everything is about to get messy and complicated.  You have two choices – become a weepinghungrytiredmess of doom, or swallow every ounce of pride you have and become flexible.  Ask for help.  Admit failure.  Be late.  Stay in your pajamas.  Ignore the dishes.  Let slide what can slide and rejoice when you make it through with all your bare necessities intact.  You are going to miss a few parties and a lot of snoozes and probably many other important things, and it will be okay.  It will be better than okay.  It will be amazing.
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll be one of those parents who gets a magic baby who responds to the methods in whatever book you read or is just naturally benevolent and fits like a glove into your fabulous and organized life.  Again, this is called a miracle.  We love you and are happy for you.  Now please, shut up.

8. The most important thing to get for your baby is not a Rock n’ Play, nor a good set of swaddling blankets, nor a high-end stroller.  The most important thing to get for your baby is a village.  Your village will keep you afloat.  They will carry you when you are tired, feed you when you are starving, forgive you when you are unkempt and hours late and a neglectful friend who can’t remember to wear socks let alone whose birthday it is.  They will love your baby when you are too tired or frustrated to hold her at the moment, because you are imperfect and human and have imperfect and human failings.  They will remind you who you are when you start to think your whole life is only about poop.  They will lift you up.

9. We have to lift each other up.  Raising babies is the hardest thing many of us have ever done.  We can tear each other to bits, criticize choices, and turn up noses, or we can love each other, admire adorable babies, offer a hand, and celebrate victories.  This is not a difficult choice, people.  Nobody cares that your way is better.  Everyone cares that your kid is gorgeous and let’s chat over coffee and what have you been doing with your hair lately because, girlfriend, you look fabulous.  Don’t be horrible.  It isn’t really that hard.

10. Success is found in being willing to grow.   Here’s the truth: you don’t know much of anything.  A year from now,  after your fantastic kid turns one, you won’t know much of anything still.  Gather wisdom around you.  Learn from your mistakes.  Stay humble.  Stay open.  When you know better, do better.  Be a better parent tomorrow than you were today, always, everyday, as often as you can.  Try things out and leave them behind shamelessly if they don’t work out.  Life isn’t a contest or a game – it’s simply only beautifully life. Live the minutes instead of scoring them.  Love that incredible baby.

Oh, lovely – you are going to have so much fun!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Goodbye Fenu-farts, Hello Major Milk Makin' Cookies

You know you've entered a new phase of life when you begin singing "99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall" along your daily walks with baby. Hey, don't knock it. It's a great time kill when you need to entertain for an extended period of time. And while there may not exactly be 99 bottles on the wall (or in my freezer), I'm still sweating like an Iron Chef to sling the liquid gold across the counter just as fast as I can make it.

Unfortunately, it turns out the supplements I've been taking to increase milk supply (Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle) may have actually been causing, or at least adding to, the toot-a-thon taking place in Preston's pants. How do I know this? Well, I am not 100% certain, but I'm pretty sure it was causing some of the tummy trouble.

This week, we had a couple really good days as far as mood and lack of fussiness goes. I thought maybe it was because I'd been able to give so much breastmilk those days, but then it continued into a day in which I'd given quite a bit of formula as well. Maybe he's just growing up into a completely well-balanced mature child already?! Ha! Doubtful at this stage in the game.

I realize it could all be due to chance, but it just so happens I'd run out of my milk making supplements and was awaiting a new shipment from amazon. I didn't think anything of that piece of the puzzle at the time. Then, the new supplements arrived, and I began taking them again as usual. To my chagrin, the tummy trouble seemed to begin again almost immediately. I could literally hear the air pinging in Preston's belly. One night at the wee hours as I was snuggling him,  our bellies growled really loud at the exact same moment...which is when a light bulb went off!

Could it be more than coincidence that the worse of this ceased when I stopped taking the supplements and re-emerged once beginning them again? Why were we both having rumbling in there? It wasn't bothering me much, because I'm a grown adult and growling isn't that big of deal. But to his tiny tummy, it could be a pretty painful feeling I'd imagine. I just had this intuition it might be a factor.

From then on I became a fart detective and was noticing every little reaction to eating and how his belly was doing. I starting googling more about tummy trouble related to both Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle and wouldn't you know it; it's a very common side effect to have increased gas and watery stools...both things we've commented on several times as a concern. I already cut lactose out of my diet weeks ago, so I knew it wasn't that. Apparently, these supplements are well-known to be hard on the stomach, in both adults and breastfeeding babies (even though Blessed Thistle is also touted as a "digestive tonic") and even though it's so highly touted for milk production.

Strangely, I learned a couple other things I hadn't initially the fact my pee smelled like maple syrup? Yes, very weird! Apparently, fenugreek can cause false readings of maple syrup disease in babies, and sure enough I realized I smelled like maple syrup every time I hit the loo. I am not being a hypochondriac either. It's like when you eat asparagus and can clearly smell it in your urine...except I actually smell like an IHOP! It's unmistakeable and so very strange.

Needless to say, I decided it's simply not worth taking these supplements if there's any chance it's causing any doo-doo disdain for Preston. They have definitely helped increase my supply, as I went from pumping only 0.5/1 oz. on both breasts per session, to now averaging 3 oz. However, many times a supply can be well established by 6 weeks, and we will be 6 weeks on Monday. Worth noting that I also rented a hospital grade pump for a month (Medela Symphony) to help bring in my stubborn to flow milk.

It's equally important, if not more important, to just keep creating the demand for milk by pumping, and that is something I'm continuing to do of course. I just returned the Symphony yesterday, because we don't need the $75/month rental fee. Instead, I will still be using my spiffy little Medela Pump In Style Advance that I got for FREE thanks to the Affordable Care Act. It's a $300 pump itself, so I will take what I can get even if it's not the very best available.

And because I'm one of those people who feels they need to be doing something more, I began searching for other natural ways of increasing milk production through nutrition alone. I made these Major Milk Makin' Cookies last night for the first time. Jackpot!!!

These cookies are seriously good, and I would feel pretty good about eating them even if I wasn't lactating. Outside of being full of galactogogues, they are pretty healthy for tons of other things...heart health for one. Maybe I shouldn't have told hubby they are for makin milk, because he needs these in his life too! I'm hoping he likes them, because unbeknownst to me, the recipe made almost 5 dozen. We've got some cookie eating to do!

This could be dangerous.

The magic milk making ingredients are oatmeal, brewer's yeast, and flaxseed meal...

You can read about all of the amazing properties of these foods here if you're interested. The blogger who posted this recipe @ gives some fantastic info on how it works to increase prolactin, the key hormone related to milk production.

Only time will tell if/how my supply is affected, both from the dropping of the fenu-fart and discontinuation of the hospital grade pump, as well as the addition of the cookies to hopefully balance it all out. I couldn't help but notice after making the cookies last night (and proceeding to eat a few more than I'd planned) that my next pumping session I got 5 oz! It could be coincidence, but I rarely ever get 5 oz, so I'm hopeful they're a decent enough replacement. Hopefully I won't turn into a total cow eating them like candy either. Cow's are good for milk making yes, but not good to fit in my shorts. ha!

We've been using this really convenient iPhone app to track Preston's feedings and my pumping sessions. There are a ton of apps out there, but if you need something to help organize I highly recommend iBaby Feed Timer.

This is what the log looks like...

This is what data for our last 24 hours, week, and month look like...

Bottle Feedings

The app allows you to input anything related to breastfeeding, pumping, feedings, dirty diapers, sleep, and make notes anywhere needed. You can share the account across more than one iPhone, so that means hubby or a caregiver/babysitter can track while you're not with baby. You can view all the data in real time as soon as the other person inputs something. Then, it also analyzes data so you can see trends over time. And, you can even email/print a spreadsheet of all the data at the click of a button...pretty handy if you need it to show your LC or pediatrician for any reason.

Fingers crossed I won't see a huge decline in supply due to the dropping of supplements and downgrading my pump, but if I do, I'll just drown my sorrows in cookies and almond milk.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Thank You letter to RE

There are many thank yous I've made along our journey to parenthood, but this one was long overdue. I ran into my RE at the beginning stages of pregnancy while visiting my MFM in the same building, and I proceeded to have an emotional breakdown. I could barely mutter a "thank you" at the time. I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude.  I truly feel that without IVF, we may not have ever had success starting a family, so I wanted to send him and his staff a proper "thank you." This is what a wrote...

Dear Dr. Vaughn,                                                                                8/23/14

I’m writing because there is no way I could ever convey my heartfelt thanks in person without sobbing buckets of tears…tears of joy of course. I sit here having just fed our absolutely perfect little boy, who just turned one month old. Preston Alexander joined our family on 8/18/14 at 21 ¾ inches long & 8 lbs. 8 oz.  He’s a very healthy and happy boy!

As you know, it wasn’t an easy journey for us to the place we’re at now. However, I don’t feel we would have arrived at this new and exciting chapter without your help. We came to you after being dissatisfied with another RE, and I knew from the moment I stepped into your office that you were the one to help us. There was a figurine on your desk which read “Babies are a gift from God” or something along those lines. This was only a very small clue into the humble, caring, patient, knowledgeable and just “meant-to-be” doctor that we invited into our journey…YOU!

It wasn’t an easy or clear-cut path. There were pregnancy losses, failed attempts, surgeries, and many tears. However, one thing remained constant; anytime you walked in the room, I immediately felt at peace. I knew that you were our strongest ally always. I felt I could trust you without a doubt and that you had our best interests at heart. A peace just fell over me anytime you were there, and when I felt like giving up, it’s like God whispered “Stay right where you’re at. You are exactly where you should be.”

I am just so glad we did! No question that you are truly in your line of work first and foremost to help people realize their dream of having a family. I have always believed that fertility medicine is not taking the place of God’s desires for us, but that He anoints gifts to certain people to help those who need it. You, Dr. Vaughn, are one of those people. I know he placed you in our lives for a reason. And even if it didn’t happen on our timeline at first, I can now say that I wouldn’t change it, because look at the amazing miracle we now have in our lives.

There are no words to convey our gratitude for everything you did to help us. You are making a HUGE mark on this world, one patient at a time. I know I am only one of thousands of people who feel this way about you and your life’s work. THANK YOU and your entire staff from the bottom of our hearts!

With Gratitude,

Matt, Emily & Preston

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

1 Month Foxy Hiccupotamus

Our hungry little milk monster has morphed into an uncontrollable hiccuper this week, earning him a new nickname...all credit goes to the hubs for that one. Brilliant! Apparently, the intense hiccuping I'd felt in the womb for the last half of the pregnancy is sticking around for a bit longer. Preston is getting pretty tired of it, and I was wondering if it was normal. Well, come to find out it is a normal newborn thing. The pediatrician says it could last until 6 months of age, so we have a ways to go before we say sayonara to hiccups and hello to some other nickname making fun of Preston's bodily functions.

Hard to believe, but P will be 1 month old officially tomorrow! He wanted to look foxy for the occasion...

He's already wearing 3 month clothing and has outgrown much of his newborn and 0-3 month stuff. This is probably not the most accurate way of weighing a newborn, but hubby weighs himself holding Preston, and then weighs himself without Preston to get P's weight. According to our very scientific calculations, he's about 12 pounds by now. Is that even possible? Um, I'm thinking YES with the amount of food that he's eating. Our new favorite line is "He can't be hungry again!"

I'm pretty sure when I wrote my last post, he was going through a growth spurt and was consuming a ridiculous amount of milk. Since then, I've really tried to make sure he's giving solid hunger cues before handing him a bottle. We're getting better at distinguishing his different cries, and even one which resembles a dolphin noise. Not even kidding, he sounds like Flipper, which makes us laugh every time. I'm not sure if it's because we're being better about trying other comfort measures before the bottle, or because his growth spurt died down, but his eating has normalized slightly and he's not requiring quite as much to satiate him the past few days. I WISH I could say the same about the amount of diapers he's blowing through (literally).

Yesterday was quite a record breaking day. 15 diaper all time high. Preston tells us immediately when his diaper is wet and does NOT like sitting in it! We are not keen on just letting him fuss in the middle of the night and hoping he'll settle back down either. I mean, I wouldn't want to sit in wet diapers, and I don't feel right letting my kid do it either. 99% of the time it's guaranteed to escalate way past a wimper anyways. I'm hoping there will come a time when a tiny little wetness in his diaper won't create a blood curdling scream as if he's about to die, but for now we're at his beckon call changing diapers faster than a NASCAR pit crew.

It was also a good day, because for the FIRST TIME EVER I pumped enough breast milk to meet his needs. He drank 26.8 oz. of breastmilk & I pumped 29.5 oz. Get I get a hallelujah?! I won't say it was easy. I pumped around the clock every few hours, and it took 8 pumping sessions followed by hand expressing to get there, but I finally did it. Realistically, there isn't a huge enough surplus that I am confident I can do that every day, and I don't expect to. 30 oz/day is good on a day he's being a mild eater, but on days when he's absolutely frenzied and eating his hands off every 2 hours, I just don't see how I'll ever keep up. Still, I will keep trying my best and enjoying the feeling when I can give little to no formula. Preston enjoys those days too. His tummy is more settled, and he's happier and less fussy overall.

And on that note. I've got to run. I'm past due to pump, and the hiccupotamus needs a diaper change!


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Monday, February 21, 2011

Word of mouth advertising...there's nothing quite like it!

Where would this world be without Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Myspace, etc? These sites create a backdrop for fierce word of mouth advertising as we constantly see our friends post links to their favorite places, foods, websites, etc. The options in this world are endless, so its nice to know that someone else has tried something that you might like to try and enjoyed it. So, today my blog followers, I'm posting some links to a few things I think you'll appreciate.
1. My Herbalife Store--I've already posted this link once, but they're constantly adding things to their menu, updating their offerings, and starting new weight loss challenges, etc.  http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Dont-Overlook-Nutrition/121964691191628
2. Next, is a computer GENIUS who has come through for me several times. He's fixed two computers for me, and in addition to his repair shop, he also does Web Hosting at a VERY affordable rate! Check out his website for details and monthly specials! Beevillians--Phil is located in Mathis, so computer repair isn't far away! http://www.bestlittlehosthouse.com/
3. Following the computer guru is his wonderfully talented wife, Myrna. CORRECTION ADDED 2/21 10:56 AM: MYRNA IS PHIL'S SISTER-IN-LAW! SORRY! She can make a cake like no one else! Her cakes are not only beautiful and creative, but so moist and tasty! Visit her website and look at the cake gallery. http://myrnasyummycakes.com/
4.Speaking of creative, I know the perfect person to call the next time you're looking for someone to do embroidery work, make a plain t-shirt something special, or create one-of-a-kind gifts! Cheri is so talented and her work is completely original! Visit her Facebook page and look at the photo gallery...she can truly make anything you want! I had her make a rhinestone fitted t-shirt for my cousin's business and it turned out beautifully. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=2361831622#!/pages/CB-Original/119708918087291?v=wall
5. Moving on to my familia...my cousin Annmarie is an AMAZING photographer, located in Boston. Her work speaks for itself, so check out her website:  http://www.acessaphoto.com/
6. If you're in San Antonio or the surrounding areas, check out the website for Oak Hills Church. My cousin, Daniel, is the Production Arts Director, and let me tell you, this church has got it together! Max Lucado is an amazing pastor and his website offers downloads of his articles and other writings, as well as podcasts! http://oakhillschurch.com/
7. If you're looking for an up-and-coming photographer in the SA area, visit Kimmy's Facebook page and look through her pictures. They get cuter every day! http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Kimberly-Marie-Photography/136037103096775
8. Okay, my blog wouldn't be complete without a little plug for myself...visit my lia sophia website and contact me if you want to purchase something, or host your own show! Lifetime Replacement Guarantee and awesome monthly specials! www.liasophia.com/lyndseyhutchins

On to a new topic...
As I wandered through the Rodeo this weekend, I realized how blessed San Antonio is to be the host for multiple Air Force and Army bases. It's awesome to see so many men and women in uniform attending events like this with their families and friends. A big shout out to our Military members. Thank you for all that you do to protect us and our freedom!
My amazing cousin, Bo, at the airport with his mom waiting to deploy to Afghanistan!

1 comment:

  1. I'm gonna try to remember these folks when I need stuff...thanks for sharing Lyndsey!

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Sunday, July 24, 2011

thoughts upon whisking and waltzing my way into the blog-o-sphere

...cause that's what they call it these days, right? the blogosphere? as if i needed to be reassured of my ramblings' complete and total invalidity, knowing they are nary a blip on the radar in a writing universe that sounds like the illegitimate lovechild of weblogs and a particularly slutty hemisphere is awesome if not confounding. in any event, here i am- paltry kitchen, grocery list, and itchy trigger- i mean, uh, typing- finger at the ready. shall we then? let's shall.

first things first: hi. i'm a grade-a dork, an english major who loathes shakespeare (and capitalization) and someone who absolutely adores cooking but apparently lacks the innate skills required to come up with anything ultra fabulous. i've just relocated from tucson, arizona to columbus, ohio with my boyfriend whom we'll call the pilot.  he's the brains of this outfit, as he's an engineering major, a private pilot, and a culinary ninja. okay not because he's perpetually stalking me in our closet-sized kitchen with a katana, but more because he has a flawless track record of finding one ingredient off the beaten path to add to whatever dish i've been concocting for two hours, and magically outdoes my every culinary effort in five seconds. we have a cat named harry potter, so i'll just call him the wizard and say that he loves tuna, he wishes our entire apartment were made of tuna, and tuna yellowfin blackfin tuna yum yum tuna catnip meow mix tuna tuna. (his words, not mine.)

second things coming secondly: i'm not going to pretend this 'ere blog is anything awesome or new. according to nothing at all scientific, it's not groundbreaking or revolutionary, whimsical or hysterical or anything that might wind up in between cutsie curleycue hardcovers of its own food network book someday. nay, this is but my rambling collection of thoughts, recipes, musings whilst drenched in sweat in my small central ohio apartment (that is devoid of air conditioning while it's 99 degrees out and 100% humidity), and of course the occasional vignette or at least what i consider choice anecdote from whatever slice of life i may be pondering- moving cross country, living overseas, school, my friends in DC, whatever it may be- rather randomly coupled with pictures, playlists inspired by recipes or stories, and a bit of my bitch verve. i know, right? alongside proving that not all english majors can construct concise sentences and should not be allowed to write just anywhere, i also just totally sold you on becoming a regular reader, didn't i? oh let's not tarry, that whole self-confidence thing is for winners, and i missed the class due to something that's less hilarious that the excuse i'll inevitably make up. so there's that.

aaaaanyhoo, i suppose the basic crux of this blogthing is this: the pilot and i are navigating the twists and turns of living in a city neither of us have ventured to before, we're doing so on a budget so strapped that a shoestring looks buff, and we're doing it with nod to karma and a tip of the cap to luck and chance. we have no idea which end is up, no idea where the next few months, years or however long it may be will take us, and i'm inviting you into our home, kitchen and lives in gereral just for the hell of it. so sit back (or forwards or roundabout, i care not- hell, jump on a pogo stick and read this on your smart phone if you can wrangle it) and enjoy the ride- or lack thereof. this is a tale of cooking, flying, writing, financial gymnastics and paving our way in the country's 15th largest city with nothing but our fingers crossed.

coming up soon in the tales 'n recipes department: pizza margherita, some butterscotchy items to fondly remember my grandfather who went to school here in columbus, and meditations on taking the city's public transportation. as my downstairs neighbor put it, 'you meat the creme de la crop on the bus.' oh lawds. y'all have no idea. until then, drink a cold one for me. cause it's hot, you see.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

CRM 4.0 upgrade error

While I was upgrading a server from MS CRM 3 to 4, I got this error message on the System Requirements part of the installation:

The attachments missing parent object IDs in database.

Since this did not make much sense to me, I did some research and found that I could launch the setup with a command line parameter:

setupserver.exe /L c:\crmlog.txt

and after reading that log, it appeared that many activities were being scanned and it hit an error:

Check OrphanAnnotationValidator...

the key words here are 'orphan' and 'annotation' which suggested to me that there were records in the annotation table that did not connect properly to another table.

It turns out that one of my programmers had manually converted some activities into the system using SSIS and left the ObjectID field blank on some records in the AnnotationBase table, so I deleted those records using this SQL statement:

delete from dbo.AnnotationBase
where isnull(objectid ,'fd6fc64e-5165-dc11-baa3-001a6b7af693')
= 'fd6fc64e-5165-dc11-baa3-001a6b7af693'

this statement will scan the AnnotationBase table, and for each record that has a Null ObjectID field (my invalid records), it will treat that field as though it has the GIUD 'fd6fc64e-5165-dc11-baa3-001a6b7af693'
(a unique identifier) so that it can compare it with the same GUID, therefore only the records with a null ObjectID will be found and deleted.

and then I re-started the upgrade and it got me past the error so I could continue the upgrade.

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Leaving the shed

Resource Type: Image | Posted on 10th May 2011 by Jenny Porter

Two locomotives leave the shed to start work: a third remains behind.

Leaving the shed

Tagged under: steam locomotives, sheds

Categorised under: Landmarks, Landscapes & Locomotives

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By Dennis Flood on 2nd June 2015

This is a photograph of Edge Hill Shed.          It shows an Ex.LMSR `Patriot` class locomotive in the centre,an Ex.LMSR Class 3F `Jinty` to the left and an Ex.LMSR Class 5 to the right. Note the tender of the `Patriot`is still stencilled with the letters `L M S` and yet the locomotive has BR numbers on the cab side and smokebox. This would date the photograph after 1948.                                          It is likely late 1949 or early 1950 that this photograph was taken.

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Little butterfly

Little butterfly, let the sun enter through your window,
even when the sky is grey,
show your smile, let the wind blow,
keep the rain in your hands on a sunny day...
See, so easy is imagine your wishes,
so nice fly
on a blue sky.
Little butterfly, loose your silence
let it go
visiting the ocean...
will be back with the waves below
sailing on a boat...imagine, you can.
Litle butterfly, look that garden.
so green, so pink, so colorful,
look a little bee landing on a flower
and a cute bird singing to you,
so happy you are and I am  too,
little butterfly you got the power,
you can imagine and the dream comes true

Eduardo Mesquita


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« Lessons of Intute | Main | On funding and sustainable services »

September 03, 2010

Call for 'ideas' on UK government identity directions

The Register reports that the UK government is calling for ideas on future 'identity' directions, UK.gov fishes for ID ideas:

Directgov has asked IT suppliers to come up with new thinking on identity verification.

The team, which is now within the Cabinet Office, has issued a pre-tender notice published in the Official Journal of the European Union, saying that it wants feedback on potential requirements for the public sector on all aspects of identity verification and authentication. This is particularly relevant to online and telephone channels, and the notice says the services include the provision of related software and computer services.

The notice itself is somewhat hard to find online - I have no idea why that should be! - but a copy is available from the Sell2Wales website.

Oddly, to me at least - perhaps I'm just naive? - the notice doesn't use the word 'open' once, a little strange since one might assume that this would be treated as part of the wider 'open government' agenda as it is in the US where a similar call resulted in the OpenID Foundation putting together a nice set of resources on OpenID and Open Government. In particular, their Open Trust Frameworks for Open Government whitepaper is worth a look:

Open government is more than just publishing government proceedings and holding public meetings. The real goal is increased citizen participation, involvement, and direction of the governing process itself. This mirrors the evolution of “Web 2.0” on the Internet—the dramatic increase in user-generated content and interaction on websites. These same social networking, blogging, and messaging technologies have the potential to increase the flow of information between governments and citizenry—in both directions. However, this cannot come at the sacrifice of either security or privacy. Ensuring that citizen/government interactions are both easy and safe is the goal of a new branch of Internet technology that has grown very rapidly over the past few years.

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text:
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

213. Domination or Commitment Governance - 1

Domination or Commitment Governance - 1

I have been writing a lot about dominance.   But not all acting on behalf of another person is domination, so I better define the meaning of domination:

1.  The dominator is ignorant of the needs and wishes of the dominee.
1.1.  His ignorance is a consequence of selfishness, indifference, disregard and lack of consideration.
1.2.  His ignorance is a consequence of disrespect and depreciation.   He firmly believes in his assumptions, prejudices and projections and he cannot be corrected.
2.  The dominee is under the power of the dominator and has no influence on how she is treated.
2.1.  The dominator coerces, threatens and intimidates the dominee to get his will against her resistance.    The dominator uses situational power (entry 212), whenever he has it.
2.2.  The dominee has no choice but to submit without resistance, because she is aware, that otherwise the dominator will inflict some disaster upon her.

For a couple of egalitarians their consent about their shared commitment governance (entry 185) is a method to prevent domination.
1.  In commitment governance, each partner knows exactly the needs and wishes of the partner.   Both partners communicate, until they both have that knowledge.
2.  Whatever one partner does on behalf of the couple, he first checks, if his action or decision is in accordance with the partner's needs and wishes and in the very least is in no way harmful.
3.  They both feel bound by the commitment governance and never use situational or other power.

One partner takes all the initiatives to suggest and organize Sunday activities.
This is inside the framework of commitment governance, when and if the other partner is content and agrees with the arrangements and would have chosen similar activities.  It can be a form of the division of labor between people with different skills and interests.
But it is domination, when and if only one partner decides, what he wants to do on Sundays and coerces the other to participate in activities, that she does not like.


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Affordable Freehold Starter Home

14 Uenuku Place, Waitara, New Plymouth District

Ref No: W00292

Price: SOLD

1 / 22
  •  3Bedroom
  •  1Bathrooms
  •  1Garage
  •  1Living
  • 90 m2 Floor area
  •   506 m2 Land area

This is a great 3-bedroom family home for those looking to get on the property ladder. Situated in a quiet cul-de-sac, proudly on the corner it is waiting for you to make it your own. Bright and sunny with great insulation top and bottom, this home is easily heated in winter with the log fire and HRV system.

Great lawn space provides room for kids and pets, while the huge deck is perfect for entertaining.
The single garage provides great extra space for the toys and the room off the back allows options for those with a teenager or work-from-home option?
Call now for your time to view!

LibbyBaird HS BW LR

Libby Baird

Residential Sales

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Pyloric Valve

I'll admit that I read all of Confederacy of Dunces before looking this up. Ignatious often referred to his pyloric valve closing or having serious problems whenever he was stressed (and that was often). I figured it had something to do with his stomach or having gas build up.

Here is a definition I found:

The pyloric sphincter, or valve, is a strong ring of smooth muscle at the end of the pyloric canal which lets food pass from the stomach to the duodenum. It receives sympathetic innervation from the celiac ganglion.

He used this condition on par with Fred Sanford clutching his chest and yelling for Elisabeth. One of the things I liked about this book is how others reacted to this fool, which was basically not to challenge him (except maybe for his mother). This cast of characters truly fit the title.

I doubt if I'll ever use this conversation, but I'll certainly remember if I hear someone on Grey's Anatomy say it (if I ever watch it, I mean). And if anyone reads this and then reads one of my future novels that has pyloric in it, then you will certainly get the private joke and tribute to Ignatious.


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Chesapeake Math & IT PC - Elementary

CMIT Elementary
6151 Chevy Chase Drive
Laurel, MD 20707

Phone: 240-573-7240 | Fax:240-547-2571
Gonul Ozturk, Principal |

  • School Website
  • Hours: 7:55am to 2:55pm
  • Grades: K-5
  • Uniform: Mandatory
  • Before After Care: Yes
  • School Colors: Orange and Teal
  • School Mascot: Tiger

Bus Transportation and Directions

  • Contact the school about transportation options.
  • Driving directions: Exit Beltway at I-95, North, towards Baltimore. Exit I-95 at Exit 31 and 33; take Exit 33B at Sandy Spring Rd./Rt. 198, West, towards Burtonsville. Continue on Sandy Spring Rd. to Sweitzer Ln. and turn left. Continue to Chevy Chase Dr. and turn right. Continue to school.
  • MapQuest Directions

Area and Board of Education

Connect With Us

Related Links

Data Dashboard for 2015-16

Note: School Data Dashboards will be updated once a year in the Summer. Due to reporting timelines, the data on this chart will always reflect data from the previous school year.

            School Data Dashboard 2015-16


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Monday, November 18, 2013

Man's Best Friend

Not exactly the type of update that I was hoping to send out, but given the nature of the information, this is probably a justifiable forum to be used given that many of you have a very strong interest in the words and feelings that this post passes along.

On Monday, November 18th, Mulligan took his final lap around the golf course before he lost his battle to a tumor on his spleen. At the age of 15.5 years old, reality told us that this day would be coming, we just didn't know when.

Mulligan was always a part of my life on the golf course. For 15 years, every morning started the same. My alarm would go off and Mulligan would head down the stairs to wait by the door to make sure he wouldn't get left behind. For those of you that know me, how many times did he not make it to work with me? Not very many. Why? Truth be told, he would become completely incorrigible if he was not allowed to come to work. He would much rather sit in his basket within the confines of my office than stay at home with a house to himself. After all, if he was at home, he would miss out on a possible opportunity to take a ride around the golf course, chase squirrels, go swimming or con some unsuspecting member into sharing half of a turkey sandwich. Even in his final days, he was always willing to fight the pain to make it to work. Work was always filled with excitement, or at least the potential for excitement. Where else do people carry treats in their golf bags? Nowhere else but work, and he knew that with 100% certainty.
For those of you that allowed him to be a part of your lives, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I especially want to thank Dr. Jill Windy and the staff at Noah's Landing for taking such good care of him through all of his ailments. He far exceeded anyone's expectations, but to those of us that knew Mulligan, weren't surprised.

So, as I write this blog post, I want to say thank you to Mulligan who was the perfect example of "Man's Best Friend".
  • Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is all about
  • Thank you for teaching me the value of true friendship
  • Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm for work because I didn't always have it
  • Thank you for being a good listener whenever I thought the course was in bad shape
  • Thank you for always being a footwarmer on cold nights
  • Thank you for being a playground for our kids when they were toddlers
  • Thank you for allowing me to use you as a napkin when I didn't have one

 So long my friend. Thank you for being you. Enjoy your next chapter in life, the perfect pond awaits you.


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Sunday, January 24, 2016

Meeting Some General Authorities

January 11, 2016
Ft. Defiance, AZ

Sometimes as we go through life we find ourselves tired and lost. We seem to realize or at least think we realize that nothing is going anywhere, but I am here to say something different. The time we have in life is such a wonder filled time. How many of our brothers and sisters across the world don't know or have the opportunity to experience the same things that we do. We first have the privilege of living in this wonderful country. Even though at times there is a lot of confusion and chaos there is a stark contrast with the things we know and experience as members of the Lord's Kingdom on the Earth. We know of the things which are past and the things to come. We are led by a modern day prophet who loves and prays for us daily. We know of the Savior's Atonement, the only thing that can truly help us continue to change and progress toward everlasting happiness. However as we know the darkness of life often surrounds us, leaving us feeling helpless, afraid, confused, or lost. We can be comforted knowing that the Lord has got it. When it comes to the Lord's work, don't worry about it, he can handle it. Just do as much as you can. There WILL be times that you feel like you can't overcome and this is how the Lord Tests us to see how we can handle it. Just push through it!

These are some things that I have really come to realize this week. I had the wonderful opportunity of having a few meetings with Elders Neil L. Anderson, Larry Echo Hawk, and Bradley Foster. There were some great things that I learned. First we had a missionary meeting with them which involved just 38 Junior Missionaries and some Senior Couples, then a Large Fireside. Yesterday they came to our sacrament meeting and spoke there as well. Some things that Elder Anderson talked about that will help the church grow is this;

1)Temples and Family History Work
2)Send Missionaries Out
3)Gardens (Being the "Garden Project" in this part of the world)

Keep those things in mind, as you try to help others.

Elder Warnick

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Friday, May 14, 2010

An Old Generation

I take up space,
therefore I am.
A celebration,
for the birth of a volume,
for the birth of a lined mind,
for the birth of a striped imagination.
Is this a 27th birthday, or a 1000th birthday?
I feel old.
A ship takes me to the end of the world;
and I fall into a fish tank.
The stupid fish swallows me,
and in its belly, I blow out 27 lit candles.
And again there's darkness.
In the darkness,
I blow out
the blown out candles,
the dead moments,
and the youth gone.
I'm still blowing. I become empty, and emptier.
like a wandering balloon.
Translated from wall photos of a friend of a friend on Facebook. I like it, because like many twenty-somethings in Iran, I already feel old.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Explosion Engineering

In a time when many people around the world think that Iranians train suicide bombers in other countries (and they're probably right), how do you think I feel when I walk into the university and find white flags everywhere saying "Explosion Engineering?" (the red large text in the photo)

Okay, granted. Apparently this is a valid engineering discipline, and I think the right non-literal translation would be "explosives engineering" but still it feels weird.


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Contact Us

This Dude On Molly In the EZOO PSA Video Is Feeling It

Electric Zoo has a message for all of its attendees this year; don't be that guy rubbing Molly into your teeth.

After last year's deaths, EZOO is taking the initiative to ensure festival-goers won't be using drugs at this year's anticipated 3-day event...

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Filed Under: , , Category: EDM News, Lifestyle, Music, Videos

Katie Couric features Tommie Sunshine and Kerri Mason in a segment on “The Connection Between Music and Molly”

Screen Shot 2013-10-18 at 2.47.57 PM

On a recent episode of Katie Couric's talk show, a segment aired concerning the issue of Molly in regards to electronic dance music titled, "he Connection Between Music and Molly." This segment, which addressed the presence of Molly at festivals especially, featured DJ/producer Tommie Sunshine, as well as Billboard and In The Mix's Kerri Mason, who tackled some of the influences that ravers experience that lead to drug use at dance music events...

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Dance music artists defend the scene against drug culture criticism

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Music News

It's no secret that the dance music scene has been on the hot seat. With all of the negative attention surrounding the EDM community, due to sporadic drug-related deaths throughout the country at dance music events, electronic music has been scrutinized for the drugs present at its events...

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Cedric Gervais “Molly” Moska Remix

Cedric Gervais’ controversial track “Molly” has gotten an electro house overhaul by Moska. The young Colombian producer has added in powerful synth and electronic riffs that send the track into over drive...

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Filed Under: , , , , Category: Music

2am Track of The Week: Tyga ft. Wiz Khalifa & Mally Mal “Molly” Sucker Punch Remix

molly remix tyga wiz khalifa

HAPPY FRIDAY! As of late more and more hip-hop artists are sampling and getting original production from dance music producers. Tyga, Wiz Khalifa and Mally Mal have sampled Cedric Gervais in their latest track titled "Molly...

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#AOKIFY NYC Reviewed

aokify NYC

On Thursday, December 27th, I returned to Pier 94 in NYC for the first time since an intense weekend there for "Pier Of Fear," back in late October (

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Elektro Exclusive Premiere: Big Beat Yearbook 2012

Big Beat Records is celebrating the conclusion of its extraordinary 2012 with a spectacular year-end compilation, the “Big Beat Yearbook 2012,” which goes on sale tomorrow, December 18th, at all U...

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Ree$e “Molly” LOUDPVCK Remix

Ree$e's single "Molly," has received a brand new remix from trap producer duo LOUDPVCK. This remix is a true head-nodder, bringing a funky synth progression until the scratchy drop with high-hats and edited vocal cuts...

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Cedric Gervais “Molly” Quintino Remix

Despite the search efforts, no one has been able to find that elusive girl, "Molly". The controversial EDM anthem by Cedric Gervais has seen numerous remixes, including reworkings by Static Revenger, Borgore, and Mr...

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Cedric Gervais “Cedanie” Out Now on Spinnin Records

We have something way better than "Molly" to lift your spirits on the most dreaded day of the week. Check out Cedric Gervais' "Cedanie". The new track is another big room house beat following the successful, yet controversial release of "Molly"...

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Friday, December 5, 2014

Grade 1: Pinch Pots

Every year in first grade we create a simple pinch pot. Sometimes I couple the lesson with a holiday (Diyas from India or other types of candle holders) and sometimes I make the lesson part of a larger clay unit. Whichever direction we go, this is a project and experience that I cherish as much as my first graders do. Symbolically, teaching my students how to create a pinch pot reminds me of the journey of art-making that we will go on together for hopefully 5 full years.
Using their hands a primary tool, they shape and smooth the clay into a functional container. Motherhood has influenced so much of who I am as an art educator and on this project, I purposely do not require my students to smooth out the ridges where their fingers pressed and shaped the clay. I view these marks as adding character and creating a statement of "the beginning" and youth. As a mom, those little fingers grooves are so special and I prefer them to a perfectly smoothed pot.
If you are interested, feel free to look at previous posts about pinch pots. For this years post, I would like to share just two photographs. My hand underneath those of a student named Anna who is holding three pinch pots. Our hands together represent my influence and support in the art room. The other is just a photo of a few pinch pots.

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