text:
How to accept and be happy with your gender?
June 30, 2011 8:56 PM   Subscribe

How do I learn to accept my gender?

I'm a 20ish straight male. I would rather be a 20ish straight female. Lately, this is becoming more than just a joking "if only" statement, and starting to really bother me. I go shopping with my girlfriend, and end up feeling depressed because I'm stuck with this gender.

I don't know if I have an actual question, because I don't know if there's an answer.
Does anyone have tips on being happy with the wrong gender? Any happy ending stories?

Gender reassignment surgery is not an option, thank you.

I'll be around to follow up, I left it short because I don't know how many replies I'll actually get
posted by trogdole to Health & Fitness (47 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Allow me to invite in the cliches. Therapy! Your only choices aren't misery or gender reassignment surgery.
posted by liketitanic at 9:00 PM on June 30, 2011 [8 favorites]

Meet other people who have similar experiences. On the internet or in person. There are all different ways to be as a person with your "bio" (stating in short) and it might be helpful to hear what other people have thought about or experienced.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:03 PM on June 30, 2011

The first thing you should do is see a therapist who specializes in gender. Why don't you think transition is an option? You sound to me like a textbook case transgender person, and any therapist would encourage you to transition.

I'd recommend that you contact your local LGBT center (if you live in a big city). They should be able to give you a referral.
posted by catwash at 9:03 PM on June 30, 2011 [5 favorites]

Would you be comfortable with an inbetween, for example crossdressing, painting your nails, etc? There are also options such an hormone therapy if that suits you.

I would suggest looking for books about other transgender (sorry if this isn't the term you prefer to use to describe yourself) individuals and their experiences. I felt strongly that I was born the wrong gender in highschool (memail me if you want to talk more) and reading about other's experiences with those feelings really helped.
posted by biochemist at 9:05 PM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

So you'd rather be a female but for wanting to keep your genitals arrangement the same. Doesn't seem so unreasonable to blend the two, i.e. having male genitals but otherwise living female. People do this sort of thing all the time.

Is this an option for you?
posted by Matt Oneiros at 9:07 PM on June 30, 2011 [8 favorites]

There is a TON of middle ground between "accept your birth gender" and "radical surgery." But I can tell you, denying that these impulses exist is a surefire ticket to misery. You need to talk to a therapist. Doing so DOES NOT MEAN deciding to take any steps towards transitioning, but you need to get this sorted out. These feelings are not going to just go away on their own.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:10 PM on June 30, 2011 [8 favorites]

Nthing therapy with someone experienced in this field.

You need to be able express your thoughts, concerns, frustrations in a safe secure location with someone who can assist you in processing your wants and needs.

Like others have said there is a large continuum out there between being completely comfortable how you were born and gender reassignment, but because we are so conditioned to think of gender as a fundamentally binary state when it is in fact a complex social construct we often lack the experience or terminology to express ourselves without the assistance of others who have wrestled with similar issues.

If you don't have the financial wherewithal to engage a professional therapist you can probably seek out all manner of free services and support groups (both online and in person), but as always quality might be hit or miss and you might be exposed to people pushing agendas rather than promoting your best interests (whatever they might end up being).
posted by vuron at 9:22 PM on June 30, 2011

Therapy is a good idea. But not all therapists will be especially well equipped to help you with this. Thankfully you live near a pretty big city that has a Queer resource center. They should have a list of LGBT positive therapists. That would be a good place to start out to find one. (And don't think you have to identify as LGBT to use these resources or think that doing so will label you as such). I will send you contact info via MeMail.

You don't have to transition. You don't have to accept your birth sex. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. A therapist will really help you sort this out and one who is familiar with the issues of gender identity will be able to help you immensely.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:22 PM on June 30, 2011 [3 favorites]

You might get some help by looking into people who identify as gender queer. It's not something with a single definition - people use it in lots of different ways. As someone who is feeling uncomfortable with your assigned gender, but not interested in transitioning, I think it might help you feel less alone. There are lots and lots of people out there who don't fit in a single box. That sounds like it might be you. Or it might be you right now. I think it's fine to feel like your identity shifts through time, and that grappling with where you are right now is a wonderful and healthy thing. I'm pretty solidly gender queer, and if you want to talk more please do memail me.

Just know that you're not alone. People are complicated and wonderful. You are, too.
posted by stoneweaver at 9:23 PM on June 30, 2011 [4 favorites]

You do not have to keep living as a gender that doesn't feel right to you.

There is no reason you need to have surgery if you don't want it.

You can have a community of friends and loved ones who respect and understand your gender.

I know many people who are, for an easy umbrella term, trans. Some have never taken hormones or had surgery. Some take hormones and have had no surgery. Some take hormones and have had surgery. Some have had surgery and do not take hormones. I also know and love people who do not easily fit into one gender category or another and feel fine with that. To a certain extend, that's true for me - and I am happy and loved in the body I have and in the gender that works for me.

Meeting other people with similar experiences can only help! There are conferences, support groups, online listserves, and other ways you can connect.

Resources to check out:
Julia Serano
Leslie Feinberg
Kate Bornstein
The Channel

Best of luck to you.
posted by serazin at 9:48 PM on June 30, 2011 [6 favorites]

As others above have recommended, you need not stick to a strict definition of sex. You say you have a girlfriend, so I am guessing you are nominally straight, Try to talk to her, and see if she's on board with your new life to come. Feel free to indulge yourself, then see what you think about it. There is no single answer. You are you, and that's cool. Just keep looking for the answer, and you'll eventually find it.
posted by Gilbert at 9:49 PM on June 30, 2011

Transitioning isn't an easy option, and I have no idea if it's the right one for you. I do want to point out though that surgery is not a part of gender transition for many, many people, and even for those who choose it eventually, presenting themselves to the world as the gender that feels right to them and getting their hormone balance in line with what's typical for the gender they are transitioning to are usual (and mostly reversible) first steps and help folks get a sense of what they want and how they're comfortable living. N'thing that you look for a therapist (find one who works with "gender non conforming" folks and who isn't either focused on a binary and stereotypical view of male and female or on fixing this as though it were a pathology) to help you figure all this out.
posted by crabintheocean at 9:53 PM on June 30, 2011

As defined, you can't be "happy" with the "wrong" "gender", not without messing with the definitions of happy, wrong, or gender. 'Genderqueer' and social choices to cross-dress/etc messes with the gender, therapy helps redefining and approaching happiness/self-image. If you simply think your gender is 'wrong' and you simply want to learn to accept it 'as is', there's nothing you can do to be happy, because self-denial only leads to grief. That isn't to say, however, that you can only be happy by doing X, Y or Z to fix it (like surgery, cross-dressing, whatever). It's just saying that without changed attitudes of some sort, your options as stated are limited. People who become happy sometimes do it through changing their environment, sometimes from changing their perspective, but never through simply resigning themselves to a life they find lacking. You have to do something, make a decision, create change.

I can suggest something else, which can be as radical as therapy or hormones/surgery: you can really commit to going on a journey of self-discovery, one for which you don't necessarily need a therapist except as in the role of a guide figure. There are all sorts of things open to deconstruction in your statements, and not simply-- or not only-- psychological deconstruction, but also philosophical and critical thought. Gender itself is partly social construct you can think about or discuss beyond the issue of personal feeling; for instance, lots of cisgendered individuals are unhappy with their gender for social reasons (such as lack of rights or oppressive social systems, if you're a woman). I fully appreciate that there are innate biological aspects to gender-expression, and this creates a feeling of alienation when generated or suppressed in deference to socially set boundaries, but there are also social aspects. You can choose to wear whatever you want to wear whatever gender you are, and you can choose to do whatever you want to do, and be whoever you want to be. This is true for cisgendered individuals, and is not exclusively a trans but also a feminist and simply a human concern. If I was a conservative woman who was depressed going to the office with my SO because he was part of the 'boys club' and I wasn't, and was never going to be, I don't have to let that stop me from having a career myself. There is no equivalency between 'male' and CEO just like there's no equivalency between 'female' and frilly dresses that are fun to shop for.

Anyway, lastly, acceptance and 'being happy' aren't the same thing; human beings generally aren't happy as a general state of being, but self-acceptance is simply a case of accepting yourself as you are, with or without physical/mental tinkering. We all have issues and are imperfect, but still beautiful. You are who you are, no matter what; whatever you do to your body or mind, whatever other people see, whatever you do or don't do, it doesn't have to define you if you don't let it. You are the one who defines you, not your surgeon, not your therapist, not your girlfriend, not society, etc. A happy transitioned transperson is probably one who simply did what felt right to them, as a consequence of changes and feelings that would have existed regardless; thus, physical reality is simply there to catch up. What 'feels right' is not a question of preference or a sense of happiness or enjoyment, but rather a sense of rightness, which is a different thing. It's not about what makes you happy vs what makes you depressed; it's about what reflects you and sustains you vs. what sabotages you and limits you. I sincerely believe happiness has to come from within, in any case: no reflection can ever be enough to prove to you who you are if you're not sure already. Thus, what you need to work on is almost entirely introspective work at the moment, which is why therapy may help.
posted by reenka at 10:04 PM on June 30, 2011 [6 favorites]

I go shopping with my girlfriend, and end up feeling depressed because I'm stuck with this gender.

I think it might be helpful to look at this a bit more, because this is the one concrete example of a situation that makes you acutely upset.

So, what is it about shopping exactly that makes you depressed with your gender? Is it that women get to wear more colors? Softer things, prettier things? Jewelry?

Is shopping the time when you feel most upset? What other kinds of situations are the worst for you, regarding this issue?
posted by Ashley801 at 10:12 PM on June 30, 2011 [2 favorites]

Just to provide a point of difference,
just because you're wishing you were a female, doesn't necessarily mean you're transgender.

I know a few people who I suspect might be in that category, even several who have transitioned, (notably mtf's who are or lived as lesbians for awhile), and several of those who transitioned back (and I'm not making any bets on the others). At the risk of being tactless? I don't think gender dysphoria or being transgendered was the issue, or, their primary issue.
However, they and you still totally have the right to live as another gender if they want too, but it can make things more of a mess when that's not the real problem.
And oh boy, what a cluster-fuck of a mess.

They had other issues that made them just want to be someone else, and they thought this would fix problems in their life. Several also had a 'particular' view of what a woman was, that often shared very little in common with actual live women, and more in common with a rigid fantasy. At least one I would call pathologically narcissistic, and I think part of it was his (he = former identification) sexual attraction to females meant being a female allowed him to be more attractive to himself? If that makes any sense?

So, suggestions:
Ask yourself, and write down, what would you get out of being a female?
What could you do if you were a woman that you feel you can't do now?
Which of those things could you do if you had a more accepting social circle?
Which of those things could you do if you didn't mind crossing gender boundaries?

The final one is pretty crucial. In many conservative circles and communities, it seems like it is more transgressive to say, be a male and do male things & wear nail polish and skirts, than to transition and say you're 'actually' a female. They don't care *what* you are as long as squeeze yourself into one of those two boxes, regardless of how ill-fitting either box is.

Also, there's the fact you say this is 'not an option'. Don't let this be the excuse to not be the person you *want* to be, by building an artificial blockage such as 'I would have to be a female to be that person, to have that life'. Bullshit. The best of want you want, is possible NOW.

And dang, I feel I haven't done enough to answer your question, but - y'know what? I'm a 20ish female, and if someone just gave me the magic power to instantly and completely change my sex, I'd do it, bam, and I'd deal with the crap afterwards. But if wishes were horses, we'd have skyscrapers built out of horse-corpses.
When I think about what it would mean for me, is mostly just that I have the perception that many things would be yes, easier for me, but that I have the opportunity to have and be most of those things now, I just want an 'easy way' which in reality, would be less easy, and I probably still wouldn't be the idealised guy I think I would be.

I have a gay male friend who would also swap if he had the choice. As a male though, he has a bigger collection of jewellery and pretty clothes than most females I know - and more than any close ones. And while he's tried drag (so have I! I dressed as a drag *queen* - and people assumed I must be a boy under that much makeup! Ha! ), this is what he wears in his day-to-day life, where he works doing administration for an arts centre.

More suggestions:
Make a list of the things, and cultural aspects, that are easier for you being the gender you *are*, and start thinking about what the fantasy *male* you would be doing if only you had the money, willpower, looks, cojones - and recognise that your fantasy female self wouldn't be your actual female self any more than your fantasy male self is you.

Do reading and realise how much of gender is a cultural construction. 100 years ago pink was a boys colour, in other cultures, males are the ones who get dressed up, or the sexually submissive one, or pretty much any other thing you can think of.
We are human. We are flexible. And that's ok.

A. It's ok, and
B. You're not alone
posted by Elysum at 10:24 PM on June 30, 2011 [20 favorites]

Just a thought, no idea if it would be helpful, but it might be insightful to listen to women talk about the things that men have that they wish they could experience. Many of these will be trite and stupid, but you may be able to find some women who really hit on some real differences that mean something, and it may help to remind you that men have something going on too.
posted by brenton at 10:26 PM on June 30, 2011

Oh, and in case you're thinking - the gay friend Elysum mentioned, well he's gay, it's ok for him.

He's 6'4", and used to dress really conservatively male. As a teenager in the closet, he had to be more careful, because people could not suspect he was gay. Some goth kid put black nailpolish off him at a party, and he hurriedly washed it off before anyone saw because it was makeup. I'm pretty sure he used to wish a lot more that he was a female.
Then, he went to a local event for BurningMan. He got body-painted, got given a skirt and other dressups to wear, and went skinny-dipping, and went naked for the first time in his teenage or adult life. The funny thing is, I looked at the pictures with him a while ago, and he started laughing, because he remembered what a big, huge deal that had all been, and how utterly momentus, and now he's so much more comfortable in his body that none of it looks like a big deal. The gypsy skirt looked really plain, and it broke through the barriers to the little changes he could make now. He's way more comfortable with himself, because now, if he wants to do something, he lets himself do it. He's easy going, and got this style that everyone compliments him on (and honestly, if people still often think he is straight? You'll be fine).

Where is this going?
First time I've recommended this on MeFi, but - maybe consider going to Burning Man?
You'll realise just how normal you are in comparison. ;D
posted by Elysum at 10:51 PM on June 30, 2011 [4 favorites]

It might help to find a community of people who are generally accepting of gender bending, and who haven't previously known you; it will surely be easier to experiment with your style (whether as a feminine man or as a woman) in a context where people will be more "whatever" and less offensive and tactless about it. It might be handy if your existing friends aren't there to be all OH HECK YOU ARE A LADY NOW if you haven't yet worked out where exactly you are comfortable genderwise. This all doubly the case if you are tall, built like a rugby player or have a deep voice or a receding hairline.

In my experience, performers of all kinds are often more accepting than most (YMMV).

Also, if you're sure you're attracted to men and not to women, and if that includes your girlfriend, it would be polite to break up with her sooner rather than later.
posted by emilyw at 12:44 AM on July 1, 2011

I'm married, but FWIW...

You are exactly my flavor and I would have dated you back in the day. And I'm pretty normal looking, even posh sometimes.

Just saying that being true to yourself won't relegate you to weirdo-land. I vote you embrace what's inside of you by following all of the very very good advice above.
posted by jbenben at 5:24 AM on July 1, 2011 [4 favorites]

Gender reassignment surgery is not an option, thank you.

I can't pretend to know your circumstances, but reading this reminded me of when I was first grappling with my sexuality. I couldn't conceive of coming out, so I ruled it out as an option.

If this sounds at all familiar, I just want to say hang on in there. My outlook changed over time, and the fear that held me back began to lift. You don't need to map out your entire life in one go. There is some great advice in this thread, and hopefully you feel ready now to give some of it a go. The bigger steps may be too intimidating to face, but if there's any part of you that yearns for them, don't lose hope.
posted by londonmark at 5:28 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm also a young straight man who feels the same way you've described.

I think we should respect your position that you're not interested in surgery, and I think it's unfortunate that this thread has turned into an opportunity for everyone to show how pro-transgender they are.

People in this thread are acting like there aren't huge downsides of becoming transgender. (Yes, I include non-surgical transgender.) If you absolutely must do it in order to get by in life, then do it.

But I don't know why more people don't perceive the flawed assumptions behind becoming transgender. Don't you see how much of it is based on traditional sexism? The assumption is that you need to be female in order to live a certain way, and you need to be male to live a certain other way. Transgender largely entrenches gender stereotypes, and stereotypes are the problem here. So, contrary to so many people's assumptions, transgender may be the opposite of what you need. You need to be comfortable given the fact that you are male.

The best solution I've come up with involves no radical plan or "transition." I just reject all traditional assumptions. If you want to do something that may be viewed as feminine, like clothes shopping, do it! Sure, society won't accept you buying a skirt, but just being excited about clothing (for instance) is accepted despite being feminine, and you can choose clothing that's subtly purple or pink, etc. If you want to do something viewed as masculine, like watching football, of course, do that too. But if you want to never show any interest in sports, do that.

Never let other people tell you how to live your life. Concepts like "gender" and "male" and "female" aren't set in stone. You have just as much right to be an individual as anyone else does. You're constantly constructing the new, present-tense idea of what it means to be male.

Please, do not go along with the drastic measures that are being (predictably) recommended on Metafilter unless you have no other acceptable choice. If you can get by just by making a private mental adjustment (which you don't need to tell anyone about if you don't want), this will be far preferable.
posted by jejune at 6:20 AM on July 1, 2011 [15 favorites]

I'm acquainted with multiple transmen and transwomen who "pass" in everyday life but have not had -- and may never have -- surgery of any kind.

I also know several people who consider themselves genderqueer, and just figure the details out as they go along without worrying about being completely on one side or the other of the gender divide.

As others are saying, this isn't a binary situation.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 6:36 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Play with it. Gender doesn't have to be a binary thing.

I had a certain amount of doubt and fear about my own sexuality starting from, well, whenever I started to have something you could call a sexuality. When I was at uni I confessed to a friend that I thought I was probably bi; she told me that everyone already kind of assumed I was. That kind of made things a bit better, except that it was still quite hard to find any sort of groove in life: at the time it would have been easy to dive into The Gay Scene and adopt a Gay Identity, except that didn't quite seem right, didn't fit (esp with the whole still being attracted to women thing), and didn't seem to account for everything, particularly all the stuff about clothing. I wasn't aware of any bi scene at the time (which might have made things easier).

At some point I wound up with a partner who, when I fessed up about all my weird feelings about things, was incredibly supportive of basically whatever form my sexuality took. I wound up going to fetish clubs and goth clubs, both of which tend to be environments which are very open to people playing around with sexuality and/or gender expression.

(Q. Why are so many goths bisexual?
A. They can't tell, either.)

Sometimes you would see men wearing a skirt and heels because they got turned on by it, for whatever reason. Sometimes you would see men wearing them because it had this whole edgy gender transgression thing going on, and some folks like that. Sometimes you'd see person X wearing a skirt because he's person X and that's just what he does, never made a big deal out of it. Sometimes you would see men wearing a skirt because, dammit, they had a fine pair of legs and looked just great in a skirt.

At some point I drifted away from the goth/fetish scenes somewhat and more into the trance hippie end of things (another pretty open-minded bunch), but I also stopped seeing gender expression as a binary thing. I think over a couple of years I'd seen a lot of variety, taking in the sort of transsexual who would like to transition right now please, through straight men who enjoyed crossdressing because it was a turnon, through to gay men who were turned on by other gay men wearing leather chaps. I guess that during this period I'd come to understand a bit about how each individual subculture liked to express different aspects of itself, and constructed some sort of consistent identity for myself that felt like it had the right balance. I generally code as male but a bit alternative: I currently work for an enormous, very corporate financial institution but if you know what to look for, you might have me down as someone who doesn't have a massive amount of respect for conventional gender/sexuality divisions. When my partner mentioned that I'd been wandering around a recent music festival with a large marabou fascinator in my hair, a friend said that she hadn't noticed because she's just used to me having enormous amounts of fluorescent green stuff sprouting from my head.

Don't feel you have to conform to any stereotypes or fall neatly into anyone's little categorical boxes. By all means try the stereotypes out for size: some you might like, some not so much. Don't be scared to fail (whatever that means) or look weird or whatever: what's important is that you come out with a better sense of who you are. In my early teens I used to agonize over whether I was gay or straight or trans or what; these days I find the question sort of amusingly meaningless; I'm just me and I do what I do. You're young and you've got plenty of time; have fun and don't wind up two decades down the line regretting you'd not tried more things out in your twenties.

(On review: what Elysum said, basically)

Good luck! Please feel free to memail me if you want to talk further.
posted by doop at 7:07 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

I have a clarification question -- when you say "lately" this is becoming more of a problem, do you mean that you've always had the nagging feeling that you wanted to be female, and it's just come to a head recently, or do you mean that you hadn't thought about it until a few years ago?

I ask because: everything I've heard about full-on transgenderism (which I'll admit is not much) seems to indicate that they always knew something was "wrong" about the gender they were born with. But somehow I'm getting more of a latter feel from you, that this is something you hadn't considered until the past few years.

If I'm wrong, I sincerely apologize; but if that hunch is right, then there are a hell of a lot more different ways to relate to one's gender and to different gender roles than the obvious "girls are this and boys are that". The happiest people decide to do not just "what boys/girls do" but "what I personally want to do". I keep thinking of Eddie Izzard, who's done standup in a full-on bustier corset and skirt and actually talks about wearing fake breast inserts in one of his shows and is quite open about his transvestism; in interviews, he just shrugs and says, "look, women wear whatever they want, and that's all I'm doing." It just so happens that some days "whatever he wants to wear" includes makeup and a skirt. No big.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:08 AM on July 1, 2011

I ask because: everything I've heard about full-on transgenderism (which I'll admit is not much) seems to indicate that they always knew something was "wrong" about the gender they were born with. But somehow I'm getting more of a latter feel from you, that this is something you hadn't considered until the past few years.

Please don't think this. This is not correct at all. People who are trans come to that realization at a variety of times, for a variety of reasons. Some people "know" when they're little; some people don't. There's a huge amount of pressure on queer people (like me) and trans people (like my friends) to re-narrate our pasts to "legitimate" our choices..."Oh, I always knew an inherent truth about my sexuality/gender! From when I was two!"

What's more, how you feel about your gender is up to you - other people can help you to work out what you're feeling, but you don't need to legitimate your feelings. There's a blogger I was reading who started to transition and then decided that this wasn't the right path for them - people were really mean about it and that was wrong. How you express your gender is up to you; you're not hurting anyone (and people who act hurt should not - you may choose to avoid upsetting others, but that doesn't mean that their upset is a correct response.)

But I don't know why more people don't perceive the flawed assumptions behind becoming transgender. Don't you see how much of it is based on traditional sexism? The assumption is that you need to be female in order to live a certain way, and you need to be male to live a certain other way. Transgender largely entrenches gender stereotypes, and stereotypes are the problem here. So, contrary to so many people's assumptions, transgender may be the opposite of what you need. You need to be comfortable given the fact that you are male.

Although this line of thinking helps some folks who don't have a visceral "I need not to have this body/live as this gender" feeling, I don't think it's very useful if you're really feeling that your body is wrong.

Honestly, my suggestion would be to talk to some trans folks, either online (if real life isn't an option) or in person. If you're in a medium-to-large city in the US, there's almost certainly a center or an organization where people will be very happy to help you talk this through. I particularly recommend the Trans Youth Support Network in Minneapolis (resource page is linked) - and in fact, you might try emailing the director (who is super) for advice about talking this through. TYSN in particular is explicitly not about "you must transition thisway and you absolutely have to transition, better start now!" They're really plugged in to the queer and genderqueer communities.

If for some reason you're in/near Minnesota, feel free to memail me and I can point out some other local resources.

Talking to folks casually on blogs or message boards, etc, will help you to figure out just what you do want and how others are coping. I do know someone who transitioned late in life after her wife died--I know they had a happy marriage but it was still an extremely tough situation. Her life wasn't a giant tragedy or anything, but there was no "la la I am happy living as this other gender" switch to flip.

I don't think "I am androgynous/genderqueer" is equivalent to "I am trans", and I don't think that androgyny or "ignoring gender" can necessarily substitute for being able to live as the gender you feel you are. Some people are happy saying "the gender binary doesn't describe me" and some people feel strongly that one part of the gender binary does describe them.

Does your girlfriend know about this? Can you talk to a friend? Having this be a big awful secret would seem to make it a lot more unmanageable.

(I mean, you can memail me anyway, just to chat if that will help.)
posted by Frowner at 7:30 AM on July 1, 2011 [6 favorites]

I love you guys. I haven't had time to through them all, but when I get back online I'll read and reply. Thank you all so much for your support.
posted by trogdole at 7:39 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I really think a good start would be to seek out people that you can identify with. Whether that's blogs, message boards, Burning Man, support groups, whatever. I know that any time I've had a problem and I've found other people in a similar situation, it's such a *relief.*
posted by radioamy at 7:55 AM on July 1, 2011

You might be interested in reading Helen Boyd's books, including My Husband Betty. That site also has a lot of resources in the links section.
posted by odinsdream at 8:21 AM on July 1, 2011

Gender reassignment surgery is not an option, thank you.
As others have said its doesn't have to be surgery or nothing.

The standard MtF narrative never fitted me, I've never hated my penis. I've now been living full time as female for a bit over four years, the first two years of that without hormones, hated my facial hair, so got that removed. Still don't want gender reassignment surgery. You can pick and choose.

Having someone you trust to talk about this helped me explore where I wanted to be, also read about other people, some starting point up thread. You have many more options to become more you.

Also I'd be happy to answer any question you have here or memail.
posted by Z303 at 8:28 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Anectdote-Filter: I had an acquaintance who was in something of a similar situation - married, kids, corporate attorney. He felt fulfilled by the circumstances of his life, but still had this background "yearning" he couldn't quite integrate into the rest of his life. With the knowledge and support of his wife, he started to wear selected undergarments that were designed for biological females, in particular panties and stockings or hose. It made him feel good, "secret" but in a positive way. No one around him needed to know anything but he could feel the fabric on his skin. He engaged his wife in this experience, and their lives together were enriched.

As Dr. Frank N. Furter sings, "Don't dream it, be it"...

(Good luck to you; I recognize your feelings and even though, as it turned out, I'm gay, that doesn't mean you are, it just means you're man enough to look at your feelings and actually try to figure out what makes you happy, instead of letting "society" dictate it to you...)
posted by OneMonkeysUncle at 8:31 AM on July 1, 2011

Just a few follow ups really quick. My girlfriend is wonderful and supports any decision I'd make on this. I don't consider surgery an option because I feel like I'd be half a woman, and being a whole man at least allows reproduction. You guys are welcome to try to change my mind.
The questions about why is sticking with me most. I can't come up with many reasons. I've never really been comfortable with myself. I've gone through questioning my sexuality, I know I'm mostly straight. I'm working on the why, besides it just seems right.
Is the lack of reasons a warning sign that I'm wrong?
posted by trogdole at 8:46 AM on July 1, 2011

I don't consider surgery an option because I feel like I'd be half a woman, and being a whole man at least allows reproduction. You guys are welcome to try to change my mind.

Oh boy, more books to recommend! I suggest Between XX and XY: Intersexuality and the Myth of Two Sexes by Gerald N. Callahan PhD.
posted by odinsdream at 9:01 AM on July 1, 2011

You may want to read Jenny Boylan's memoir of changing gender, She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders. She's a good writer, and it's an honest and interesting account. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 9:13 AM on July 1, 2011

TROGDOLE: there is no such thing as a warning sign that you're wrong about this. You are who you are - you feel how you feel. There's no right or wrong about those things. Nor do you need to come up with a specific label for yourself if you don't want to. My wish for you is only that you find comfort and happiness. If that means hormones and surgery, I hope you find that. If that means asking people to call you by the pronoun that feels more true to you, I support you asking for that. Whatever it means for you - in this moment - is all that matters right now.

I'd like to gently propose that folks who are not trans, do not have similar feelings about gender as the poster, or have no direct experience with trans issues, and are saying things like, "I've heard that" or "I bet that" be very cautious about contributing. Know that there is a lot of mythology and false information about trans issues floating out there in the world and it's easy to accidentally reinforce those false ideas if you haven't lived as trans or at least done some significant reading or listening to trans people about trans issues.
posted by serazin at 9:24 AM on July 1, 2011 [6 favorites]

TROGDOLE: "I don't consider surgery an option because I feel like I'd be half a woman, and being a whole man at least allows reproduction"

I banked sperm before I started hormones, but I'm mostly attracted to femaleish people so that makes sense for me. Its not a cheap route but transition and reproduction are not mutually exclusive options. TS roadmap has a decent section on reproduction.
posted by Z303 at 9:54 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Once, on a high school marching band trip, I sat on a bus near a girl named Ginny who was practicing for a very competitive upcoming choral audition. When I complimented her on her hard work and dedication, she smiled a little sadly and said, "Well, vocal music is an interesting art form. Some people are born with beautiful voices. I wasn't, and so I have to work for it." I hadn't ever thought about what kind of a voice I had. I was a multi-instrumentalist, and to me instruments were just tools of varying quality. To a singer, though, the instrument inside you is not exchangeable. Coaching and training can strengthen and refine your instrument, but only to a certain degree.

I started singing later that year and discovered, to my initial dismay, that I have a pretty mediocre voice. It is a fairly weak voice and my rather small range is limited in strange and unhelpful ways. This didn't compute for me. I was accustomed to music being something I could just get better at through hard work. Now I had to face the fact that the voice I was born with was just... limiting.

What happened next is the thing that you need to avoid: I spent a lot of years building up an inferiority complex about my voice. It prevented me from auditioning for things, and when I did eventually find the steely determination to audition, I was miserably anxious and doubtful.

What I did contemporaneously with that little frolic into self-loathing and self-sabotage was to cultivate a true appreciation for folks with voices like the one I wish I had been born with. I built an appreciation for opera, and technically difficult music that vexes even the most naturally talented singers. I developed an affinity for singers like Nico, who bravely perform in spite of their instrument. These parts were the most helpful, along with breaking through my anxiety and self-doubt and learning to appreciate the things my voice CAN do.

The net result was that I have a deep appreciation for the things that I am not. And in spite of not being those things, I'm still invited to make music. I have even - get this! - been PAID to sing. Today, I sing with the Houston Symphony Chorus and a smaller group based out of the University of Houston. I still get a little wistful when I listen to Leontyne Price, but my disappointment that I'll never sing like she does is overwhelmed by my appreciation for her as well as my love for making music in spite of the limitations that I was born with.

Develop an appreciation and a fascination and a love for the things you aren't, but simultaneously invest in an appreciation and a fascination and a love for the things you are, because you are wonderful as you are right now.
posted by jph at 10:13 AM on July 1, 2011 [4 favorites]

Is the lack of reasons a warning sign that I'm wrong?

Nah. All the "lack of reasons" probably means is that either you haven't really given much thought to this issue before, and so you don't have any reasons yet because you haven't really gotten down-n-dirty with the self-reflection yet, and spending a while doing that could make you realize "oh, ah-ha!", or it means that you don't need a reason other than "I just dig this stuff, that's all". I mean, I'm not sure I could articulate a reason why I like chocolate ice cream, or a reason why watching someone put in contact lenses completely freaks the hell out of me, but I definitely know that I do get freaked out watching someone put in contact lenses, and I do like chocolate ice cream. I've just accepted that "I'm just wired that way, and that's that."

A lot of people have suggested therapy, and I'm inclined to agree - not because I think it will give you a "reason" or anything. I just personally think any self-reflection, with someone on hand to bounce ideas off of, is always a good thing, even if the only thing you ultimately realize is "hell, I don't know why I've always felt this way, but screw it, I don't need a reason."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:25 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

You know, reassignment surgery is quite radical and has long term consequences, many of which are quite negative. There is a subset of the population for whom the negatives represent a necessary compromise to deal with very strong feelings of sex/self mismatch. The outcomes of the surgery are not particularly good in terms of long term satisfaction and quality of life if ranked against other elective surgeries.

A cousin of mine had SRS about 10 years ago and I've known quite a pre- and post-ops. All men.

I really do think among a certain part of the population there is a strange psycho-social dynamic where they strongly encourage people who have something going on to go full-on. It is almost a kind of heteronormative view embraced to the extreme - if you don't quite fit the square peg, you must be all the way X, even if you don't feel that way or see the tradeoffs of some(X) as less than all(X). Bisexuals experience this, for example, with the assertions that one can't be bi -- only gay and pretending.

There's also a validation dynamic - every post-op I've known has been outwardly very strongly in favor of people fully transitioning even if the SRS didn't really work out for them.

There are things about ourselves that we dislike, aren't happy with, aren't satisfied with, ... The number of these things increases as you age, but so does acceptance. If you haven't got a very, very strong urge to BE a woman and a strong dislike of your male body, I would encourage you to stick to your guns and continue to take SRS off the table.
posted by rr at 10:49 AM on July 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

I've recently started to identify as genderqueer. While there are a lot of things I don't like about being female, it doesn't feel like I'm in the wrong body.

I have a dear friend who is FTM, and his life got MUCH better once he started taking hormones, because it helped him become more of who he always felt he was inside.

There are no clear answers here... but be true to yourself and don't worry about what others think.
posted by luckynerd at 10:52 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not really an answer to not really a question: The middle is probably not the easiest place to be, but it doesn't have to be a lonely place, either. I quite liked this extract from an article I linked in a comment on the blue the other day: "I feel like if I say I’m a man, it’s a lie. And I feel if I say I’m a woman it’s a lie, so I’m just trying to find a space in between where I can live comfortably. And honestly." The binary is reinforced everywhere all the time, but I think the answers in this thread show that there might not be the hugest space, but there is at least some space to be found in between - in the margins of the page, in the seams, between the lines.
posted by robself at 1:33 PM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm not going to jump on the "if you don't wanna be a boy you don't haveta" bandwagon. You need to figure out why on Earth you feel you don't like your gender. Is it social stereotypes? Is it sexual? Is it the clothes? You can act and dress however the heck you want regardless of gender. See tomboys. Often joked about as being butch or lesbian. They're not. They're just badass girls. You can be a stylish elegant dude. As usual I will recommend against therapy, but I will completely recommend talking, lots, to a variety of people about the subject.

I like jejune's answer above.
posted by carlh at 4:00 AM on July 2, 2011

Don't let worry about gender consume your life. Do examine your thoughts and feelings, until you can make long term decisions that are right for who you really are.

I'm in my forties and gender fluid (sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes both or neither). It took a lot of self examination for me to be comfortable with my gender identity in a binary world; having friends I could come out to was a great comfort. My spouse knows and accepts my gender identity: there are people in this world who don't expect everyone to fit in society's boxes, and it's great that your girlfriend is one of them.
posted by thatdawnperson at 7:43 AM on July 2, 2011

Regarding your concerns about reproduction: I know a woman (M2F) who did take hormones but did not get surgery, and she and her girlfriend unexpectedly, but happily, got pregnant. They had the baby, and as far as I know all is well. I run in liberal circles, granted, but I don't think of this as having made K any less of a woman. She's just, you know, a woman who sometimes produces sperm. Admittedly for someone who is currently comfortable only with a strict gender binary, that might be a difficult viewpoint to fathom. But since you're uncomfortable with said strict gender binary, it might be worth looking into.

I am also, albeit invisibly unless I mention it, genderqueer. I've been drifting slightly closer to the female in recent years, but it still makes me squirmily uncomfortable if someone refers to me as a Woman. However, I am alo not a Man. I'm married (to a man who is very cisgendered), pretty much straight (per my biological sex), monogamous, dress very femme-y (down to corsets), and variously boring. But I still felt like I was Among My People when we randomly wandered into the Portland Pride celebration a couple of weeks ago. There are *so* many more flavors than "Man" and "Woman". I'm much happier in between. It can be a good place to be.
posted by Because at 8:09 AM on July 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

if you don't quite fit the square peg, you must be all the way X, even if you don't feel that way or see the tradeoffs of some(X) as less than all(X).

This is why I thought my gender was wrong for a really long time. (Now, I'm fairly comfortable being a cis-gal that gets called "sir" a lot without actually having any visible genderqueerness. But it took a lot to get here and I leave myself open to change later.)

While gender can be a fluid thing, it is a pretty binary world out there, unfortunately. I'd spend some time thinking about the how more than the why--how can I make myself more comfortable with my identity whatever it is, how can I play with my own assumptions about what I can and cannot do in my current skin. You don't give a lot of info here, but the answers could be as small as taking on some more nurturing roles in your life or having more female friends or buying yourself some pretty things to wear, or they could be bigger things like moving to a place or social scene where having some gender fluidity isn't as problematic or living your life as a woman. (My own place involves relatively butchy mannerisms and a mix of male and female-majority social situations, wearing skirts with nerdy tshirts, having a visibly-feminine online handle, and trying to be as open as possible about the fact that that it took giving birth for me to really be convinced I was completely biologically female.)
posted by tchemgrrl at 5:04 PM on July 2, 2011

Is the lack of reasons a warning sign that I'm wrong?

Just as a data point, as a cisgender woman, I don't have any reasons for knowing that the sex I was born with is the sex I'm meant to be. It just is. So to me, not having particular reasons that you feel like a woman, but feeling that way anyway is a pretty good sign that this is coming from pretty deep inside you.
posted by MsMolly at 4:26 PM on July 3, 2011

A why?
Not in the sense of 'there was *this* pivotal occurrence!".

But for me, it's a sense of - we have a mostly subconscious sense of social norms, categories and roles. It takes me some time to elucidate the reasons that I'd "fit" better as a guy, but if I get down and dirty, I can imagine being able to like these things without being thought weird, being able to get away with my current level of fashion & hygiene and be attractive, and certain partner dynamics (I don't need a 'husband', I need a wife - for the given social roles we use those terms in jokingly), etc.
However, I've also realised over time that I can see more easily the ways that I'd 'fit', and not the ways in which I would again, 'stick out' as a guy. And lo, I realise it's an escape fantasy of sorts.
I think there's also a little of the - I displaced some of my attraction to males, into wanting to *be* a male (recognised it because I've seen go wrong in others), and oddly, after I realised that might be an issue, found males more physically attractive.
Anyway, that's just me - kind of feedback to someone else's thought processes.

And, I find this video very sweet - Adele - I'm 80% Girl, 20% Boy. It's from someone who is transitioning, for a variety of complex reasons (being born intersex), but I find something moving about the ways in which she says that really, she's a bit of both too, and hopes that society will be ready for that one day. She's genuinely comfortable as her, and that's visible too.
posted by Elysum at 2:57 AM on July 4, 2011

Okay to anyone still following, sorry that I took so long to reply.

Everyone, thank you again. You all had great responses.

I'm not going to be receiving therapy right now, although I do respect the value it holds. I try to work out most things on my own though. If stuff gets too tough, I'll find someone to talk to.

What I'm doing now is just playing by ear, seeing what different things I'm willing to enjoy as a man. Crossdressing is appealing, but going out in public like that would take some serious spine. One day hopefully.

I've never looked into hormone therapy, but I'll be looking into the benefits of that also.

I feel a bit better going into this now, a lot less overwhelmed. Thanks MeFi.
posted by trogdole at 10:22 AM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

« Older What is the origin of the 20-80 scale used in...   |   How does one intentionally learn... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.


Content-Type: application/http; msgtype=response

WARC-Truncated: length

WARC-Type: response

text:
Can you help me identify this French movie?
May 22, 2014 2:19 PM   Subscribe

Can you help me identify this French movie?

I don't remember much about the movie except:

-A very beautiful girl is on the cover
-It was made in the 80s or 90s
-It is about a very beautiful young girl who lives on some island or somewhere near water
-She is about 14 years old
-American (?) soldiers are present and she tries to seduce them for fun with her friend

That's it.
posted by DeltaForce to Media & Arts (7 answers total)
Swimming Pool?
posted by Admiral Haddock at 2:54 PM on May 22, 2014

I was thinking Pauline at the Beach but I don't remember soldiers. Movie poster.
posted by Fairchild at 3:05 PM on May 22, 2014

It's not Swimming Pool. I recently rewatched the start of this on one of the streaming services but can't easily search on my phone; if it's the same movie, the beginning is at night at the beach side bar and she is flirting with an English speaking soldier, later we see her sneaking into the dormitory and talking to her friend. If no one else knows the answer I can search through my viewed films tonight.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:08 PM on May 22, 2014

Is it definitely French? Could it be the Italian movie Mediterraneo?
posted by praiseb at 3:28 PM on May 22, 2014 [2 favorites]

Frustratingly, I can't find it in the viewed lists. That probably means it was on Hulu+, since that list only goes back a few weeks, but who knows -- things drop off, don't get listed, etc. And what makes it so hard to search is that the "young girl on the beach coming of age" is a huge genre in French movies (e.g. Fat Girl, Wild Camp, all those Romer films...).
posted by Dip Flash at 11:28 PM on May 22, 2014

Thank you! Yes, it it is Marie from the Bay of Angels!
posted by DeltaForce at 5:06 AM on May 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

« Older University Commencement - to go or not to go?   |   Used Bicycle Purchasing Guidance Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.

warcinfo:
robots: classic
hostname: ip-10-153-172-175.ec2.internal
software: Nutch 1.6 (CC)/CC WarcExport 1.0
isPartOf: CC-MAIN-2016-36
operator: CommonCrawl Admin
description: Wide crawl of the web for August 2016
publisher: CommonCrawl
format: WARC File Format 1.0
conformsTo: http://bibnum.bnf.fr/WARC/WARC_ISO_28500_version1_latestdraft.pdf


text:
Logo   Find Your Future

Welcome to the TEXASgenuine Assessment

image This is a career guidance tool that allows you to respond to questions and identify your top three Career Clusters™ of interest based on your responses. This is for educational purposes only.

Please note, interests may change over time, and it is recommended students consider more formal assessments and other resources or services to help plan their career. This assessment is intended for use as a guidance tool to generate discussion regarding careers and is valid for that purpose.

Source: Adapted from the Student Interest Survey for Career Clusters™, National Career Technical Education Foundation and National Association of State Directors of Career Technical Education Consortium (2013), and the Guidance Divison Survey, Oklahoma Department of Career and Technical Education (2005).


text:
Wednesday, December 28, 2005

You Aren't Hardcore Enough to Get a Haircut Here

As many longer-term readers know, I live in Venice, California, home of official Abbot-Kinney celebrity mascot Mena Suvari. Mena probably already knows about the most hardcore haircuttery in the neighborhood, but for the rest of you, allow me to clue you in.

Located at 1716 Main Street, just off the main circle of downtown Venice, is Old Glory Barbershop. But this isn't just any barbershop, this is the most hardcore barbershop I've ever known. Why?

Well, let's start with the fact that it's also a tattoo parlor. That's right, now you can get a mohawk and a Hell's Angel tattoo in one place! Definitely hardcore.

And there's the soundtrack. When I got my haircut today, I heard Siouxsie & the Banshees, The Ramones, and even an illicut cut from DJ Danger Mouse's Grey Album. Yeah, that's right. My barbershop is so hardcore they play dubiously-legal, underground music.

Let's not forget the staff. Today my hair was cut a hot punk chick who managed to rock a near-mullet that was actually really attractive. Let me repeat this for emphasis. She had a mullet and it was friggin' hot! Anyone who can rock a mildly-ironic mullet-- and I mean really rock it-- deserves some serious props. The other people who work there are similarly awesome.

Great hair.

On the walls, you'll find classic, vintage-looking, framed posters. My favorite is the topless sailor wench. Plus, this being Venice, the neighboring shops are a kickboxing/yoga studio (which is odd even by California standards) and a "tobacco-smoking accessories" shop called Chronic Creations. So you get a body high or a regular high after you get your mohawk and tattoo. Hard. Core.

But if you want more than just my word, check out these reviews.

Blogger mcdolph said...

that sounds like the best hairdresser ever. i want a hairdresser like that in my town, ye lucky man.

9:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

holy crap man, we go to the same barbershop.

11:53 AM

Anonymous mike said...

best place on earth.

cut that mullet!!! get a tatt!!!!

4:52 PM

Blogger crazyloko said...

This phenomenomChina Wholesale is typified by mobile phonethe rise ofbusiness. Incredible range of products available with “Low Price and High Quality” not only reaches directly to their target clients worldwide but also ensures that cheap cell phones wholesale from China means margins you cannot find elsewhere and cell phonesChina Wholesale will skyroket your profits.cosplay costumes
cheap cell phones
cheap cocktail dresses
Cheap Wedding Dresses
cheap jewelry

6:26 PM

Blogger crazyloko said...

I’m a Wholesale Polo Shirts huge fan of Fiber Gourmet pasta’s; Cheap Ed Hardy clothingthey taste great and Air Max Chaussures are healthy not only for you but your entire family. Polo shirtThere’s really no difference in the taste between thisTn Requin pasta and your standard pasta, Chaussures Sport InI couldn’t tell the difference, Polo shirtneither could any member of my family including my picky children.Chaussures puma It’s nice to know that even while dieting and watching my calorie intake there Chaussures Nikeis an alternative out there that allows me to eat the pasta I want, Wholesale Polo Shirtswholesale polo shirtsNIKE AIR RIFT,NIKE requin tn Livraison 24H Shox R4,when I want without the guilt.

6:26 PM

Blogger crazyloko said...

Air Jordan Shoes
Wholesale NFL Jerseys
MBT shoes
nike tn requin chaussures
puma chaussures hommes
tn chaussures
nike tn
ed hardy clothing
ed hardy clothing
chaussures tn
Remise Sports Chaussures
tn requin
NFL Jerseys

6:26 PM

Blogger Tim "Colombia" Watson said...

I have been a long time since I heard about a Barbershop. Right now my brother or my sister cut the hair for me. Also I like to do things locally and I buy on pharmacy online instead to go physically speaking.

8:42 AM

Post a Comment

<< Home


text:
Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Religion, Science, and Bigotry

Any candidate who believes that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old is almost certainly unfit to hold public office.

As Austin Cline at About Atheism reported in, “Montana Governor a Bigot for Dismissing 4000 Year Old Earth” , There is a Republican candidate in Montana who thinks that this is a bigoted statement. It represents prejudice against those who hold a different view - a view that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old - substantially for religious reasons.

"The Earth is less than 10,000 years old" is not a religious statement. It is a scientific statement. It falls in the same category as "smoking causes lung cancer," or "unprotected sex with multiple partners increases one's chance of catching and spreading many types of diseases," and "If we remove Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq, the people will greet us as liberators and peacefully establish a democratic government within months after our arrival, and the war will pay for itself."

In other words, one of the key traits that a politician must have is an ability to come to conclusions relevant to making policy decisions based on the best available evidence. It means that he has to be able to look at the evidence, determine the difference between good evidence and bad, and do a better than average job of determining what conclusions follow from that evidence.

The candidate who believes that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old demonstrates that he is incapable, even in the presence of overwhelming evidence, to base his conclusions on that evidence.

This suggests that he is almost certainly unfit for public office.

The reason that I say, almost certainly because it is not strictly impossible for somebody to compartmentalize such a belief that, in every other issue that may come before the legislature, he actually can base his conclusions on the evidence. However, it is unlikely. The evidence as to the age of the Earth touches on geology, chemistry, physics, biology, and climatology. All of these have relevance to a number of real-world problems. An inability to understand or accept how this evidence proves that the earth is over 4 billion years old strongly suggests an inability to understand or accept important scientific facts relevant to other issues.

For example, the history of the Bush Administration has been a history of politicians who are incapable of drawing reasonable real-world conclusions from the available evidence. They believe what they want to believe. If the evidence suggests that they are wrong, then they rewrite the evidence to say that they are right.

Unfortunately, the laws of nature do not yield to human arrogance. A politicians faith that he can act in ignore the laws of nature (discoverable by science) is only going to get the country into trouble. They can assert that their faith will allow them to work miracles and that the voters do not need to concern themselves with scientific facts. Yet, history will inevitably show that they were, in fact, bound by the laws of nature and all of their attempts to thwart those laws had failed. Most importantly, those errors will almost certainly cause real-world people to endure real-world suffering and death. These are the consequences of electing politicians who cannot deal with the real world.

I have argued before that I am not at all concerned with whether my neighbor believes in God. My only concern is with whether my neighbor is a danger to others. If he worships a God that tells him to go out of his home and do harm to others - whether it is by crashing an airplane into a skyscraper or by crashing a law into peoples' lives that causes suffering and death (such as laws against women driving, laws barring women from getting an education, laws executing people who change religion, or laws against stem cell research), it is the fact that this person is harming others that is the problem. Their belief in God is a side issue.

When it comes to studying a virus such as HIV or Parkinson's Disease and determining a cure or a preventative treatment, again, it does not matter if the scientist believes in God, as long as he can follow the research to reasoned and justified conclusions that allow us to develop a cure. If his religion gets in the way of his research - if he is incapable of seeing a treatment because his religion has blinded him to it, or he puts more faith in the power of a treatment than the laws of nature allows - then he is doing real-world harm to real-world people.

Those who are guided by faith to harm others are like those of a primitive tribe that throws virgins into a volcano because they think it will save the village. These actions will scarcely affect the volcano. The volcano will either destroy the village, or it will not. The only consequence of the priest's actions is that it changes the two outcomes from 'destroyed village' or 'not destroyed village' to 'destroyed village and a number of dead virgins' or 'not destroyed village and a number of dead virgins.'

The best course for the village to take is to find those who can design experiments that will help them to explain and predict how volcanoes behave. The better they become at predicting and explaining how volcanoes behave, the better the villagers will be at saving themselves and their property. One thing the village does not need is a tribal shaman telling the villagers to ignore what the scientist says about the volcano.

The scientific contest, as it were, is a contest to come up with the simplest way to predict and explain how volcanoes behave. They score their contest by creating theories that they can use to predict the results of certain events. Those who become the best predictors of other experiments are the leaders. Scientists have to prove that they can do a better job of saving the village.

If, for religious reasons, there are still villagers who believe that tossing virgins into the volcano is good public policy, we may decide, in the name of religious liberty, to let the virgins amongst them voluntarily jump into the volcano if it is important enough to them. We should protect this option, perhaps, by a Constitutional Amendment barring the government from prohibiting the 'free exercise of religion.'

At the same time, the State certainly has good reason to prevent these volcano worshippers from throwing others into the volcano against their will. Society has good reason to prevent these villagers from turning their religion into law, giving the government the power to decide which versions to sacrifice and punishing those who do not go along with these ceremonies. We can express the value of this prohibition as well through a Constitutional Amendment that bans the government from establishing a religion.

When it comes to public policy, the policy we need to use is one of basing conclusions on the best available evidence - including those who have proved themselves at being the best at explaining and predicting what happens in the real world through their understanding of the laws of nature.

Faith-based policies from politicians who think that the laws of nature are optional have cost nearly 3,000 American lives and maimed nearly 20,000 others. They have also cost between 50,000 to 650,000 Iraqi lives (though many Americans consider this irrelevant due to the fact that Iraqi lives have no value). Faith-based policies have cost us over $400 billion that could have been spent on fighting malaria and AIDS in Africa, in educating children in scientific laws so that they could do a better job of choosing their government policies, or promoting alternative energy. Faith-based policies have ignored global-warming science in a way that threatens to cost the real-world loss of significant portions of all of our coastal cities.

[Imagine the effect that it would have had on the Islamic Jihadists and global warming if, instead of spending 3,000 lives and $400 billion fighting a war in Afghanistan, we had spent that money (and not spent any lives) converting America to alternative energy sources other than Mid-East oil. These are the imaginings of those who base their policy choices on reason and who have no faith that the laws of nature can be violated.]

It is not religious bigotry to insist that politicians base their conclusions on the best evidence available. Politicians need to understand the real-world consequences of real-world actions. This means that politicians must understand, explain, and predict how the laws of nature will carry those actions forward to affect future events. This means that politicians must understand what the scientists have discovered.

The politician who believes that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old has failed that test, and will almost certainly fail to understand, explain, or accurately predict the consequences of his legislative decisions, to the detriment of us all.

Anonymous said...

He's entitled to his belief. So let the voters decide. He does have ground on which his belief is supported but you should know there are at least three theroies of origins among Christians...Here are some websites you might check out so you will be aware of two of them. (presents evidence for a young earth) (belief in an old earth creation) R. Hoeppner

Anonymous said...

The one I like is

King Aardvark said...

Don't ya just love it when creationists and other evangelical Christians just assume that atheists don't know anything about Christian beliefs, and feel the need to point us to preschool-level primers about the stuff? After all, we're only atheists because we haven't heard about Jesus yet, and once we do, we'll throw away all our science books and pray for 14 hours a day.


text:
Header Background

Buckley continues to lead Panther swimmers

BRUNSWICK, Maine - The senior captain on the Plymouth State College women's swimming and diving team continues to excel at the New England Division III Women's Championships, hosted by Bowdoin College.

Senior Meaghan Buckley (Haverhill, Mass.), who placed seventh in the 50 yard freestyle Friday night, brought home ninth place Saturday night in the 200 yard freestyle. She finished 11th in the morning preliminaries with a time of 2:01.44, and came back with a time of 2:00.11 in the finals to place ninth. Both times were slightly off her school record of 1:58.93, set in 1999.

In addition, Buckley was a member of PSC's 800-yard freestyle relay team that took 10th place in school-record setting time. The group of seniors Sandy Twaddell (Jaffrey, NH) and Buckley and freshmen Andrea Boutilier (Chicopee, Mass.) and Allison Bregy (Camden, Maine) placed 10th with a time of 8:18.86, just ahead of the PSC standard of 8:19.75 set last season.

PSC's performance after two days had the Panthers in 17th place overall and first among state schools.

The three-day meet concludes Sunday with the final eight events, including the 100-yard freestyle, an event in which Buckley was undefeated in this season.

-- 30 --


text:
Surprise, Surprise

Oklahoma State is atop the Big 12 South standings going into Week 11.

Oklahoma State is atop the Big 12 South standings going into Week 11.

Next year so supposed to be about change in the Big 12. But why wait?  Welcome to the revolution. On another wild weekend in the league, every game was stunning in some way.

Oklahoma State took control of the South Division, totaling a school-record 725 yards of offense in routing Baylor. Kansas, which had scored 40 points in four conference losses — total — struck for 35 in the final 11:05 against Colorado to rally from a 45–17 deficit to win. Texas, sliding all the way into the South cellar after appearing in last January’s BCS championship game, fell behind a mediocre Kansas State team 39–0 on the way to its fifth loss. And Oklahoma’s road woes continued, as they fell behind Texas A&M 2–0 on the game’s first snap and never led. The Sooners are now 6–6 in their last 12 Big 12 road games.

K-State and A&M became bowl-eligible with their upsets.

Nebraska blew a 24–10 lead at Iowa State, then had to survive in overtime when the Cyclones’ bid for a two-point conversion on a fake PAT try was intercepted.

And Missouri lost at Texas Tech, failing to score in the second half against a Red Raiders squad allowing the most points in the league and having struggled mightily against the pass.

All the weekend wackiness isn’t reflected in the North standings, where Nebraska and Mizzou still lead the way, but check out the South:

1. Oklahoma State; 2. Baylor; 3. Texas A&M; 4. Oklahoma; 5. Texas Tech; 6. Texas.
Welcome to the revolution.

Oklahoma State 55, Baylor 28
Kansas 52, Colorado 45
Nebraska 31, Iowa State 30, OT
Texas A&M 33, Oklahoma 19
Kansas State 39, Texas 14
Texas Tech 24, Missouri 17

Point(s) Made

Time to take Oklahoma State seriously. Time to take a deep breath on Baylor’s contender status.

The Cowboys clobbered Baylor in a highly anticipated matchup of explosive offenses, rolling to a 34–0 lead and positioning themselves for a first South Division title. Work remains, but a Saturday trip to Texas, which has dominated the series, looks suddenly manageable. Then OSU visits Kansas, before getting road-weary Oklahoma in Stillwater. Advantage Cowboys.

“We’re in a great position,” said OSU quarterback Brandon Weeden, “but three left in the regular season, we’ve got to stay focused.”

Weeden was clearly fixed on beating the Bears, hitting on his first eight throws and finishing with school records for completions (34) and passing yards (435).

Wide receiver Justin Blackmon, back after a one-game suspension due to a DUI complaint, caught 13 balls for 173 yards and a touchdown and added a 69-yard scoring run on a reverse.

The Cowboys also ran for 290 yards, making it look easy against Baylor, which failed for a second time in the spotlight taking on a top team.

Gambling Man

Despite a stirring win in Lincoln last year, Iowa State has long existed as Nebraska whipping boys. So who can blame Cyclones coach Paul Rhoads for going all-in at the end against the Huskers?

The call was a good one, too, with Collin Franklin standing wide open in the end zone on the two-point try. But the throw from holder-turned-passer Daniel Kuehl was a floater, allowing Nebraska’s Eric Haag to recover and intercept.

“The play was there,” an emotional Rhoads said after the game. “It’s a game of inches. I had no hesitation whatsoever.

“If we execute, game over. We’re the ones running in the end zone to celebrate.”

Closing Time

There was nothing to suggest the Jayhawks were capable of rallying from four touchdowns down against anybody, let alone another Big 12 foe. Even after Saturday’s fourth-quarter burst, KU has only scored a league-low 92 points in five games. And yet, Jayhawks coach Turner Gill apparently believed, even trailing 35–10 at the half.

“At halftime,” KU linebacker Steven Johnson told the Topeka Capital Journal, “he said, ‘Get ready for the biggest comeback ever.’ He said that, I promise you. I lie to you not.”

The lead ballooned to 45–17, when the Jayhawks got serious.

The 35-point rally is the second-most points scored in the fourth quarter to win a game in NCAA history. BYU holds the record, having scored 36 in the fourth quarter to beat Washington State in 1990.

The loss immediately turned up the heat on Colorado coach Dan Hawkins, whose team not only collapsed, but also remained winless in conference play.

Player of the Week: Brandon Weeden, QB, Oklahoma State. The Cowboys quarterback finished 34-of-42 passing with three touchdowns and had several throws dropped, including a 44-yard sure touchdown went through the arms of Justin Blackmon in the end zone. Weeden had completion streaks of eight and seven in the first half, when the Pokes were building a 24–0 lead.

Coming Up

Game of the Week: Texas A&M at Baylor. Both teams still hold hopes for a South Division title, although each needs help. The Aggies are suddenly charging, having won three straight conference games after starting 0–2 in the Big 12. For the Bears, it’s a chance to prove they are to be taken seriously, despite the setback at OSU.

On the Spot: Oklahoma State. The Cowboys’ failures against Texas have been lengthy and often epic. They haven’t won in Austin since 1944. But if they are true contenders, this is a game they must win against a Texas team that is reeling and apparently playing out the string.

In the Spotlight: Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Rumors of the Hawk’s demise have been floating around Boulder for weeks, if not years. Saturday’s shutdown at KU will only heighten the speculation that his days are numbered.

Stock Rising
Aggie defense. A&M produced not one, not two, but three goal-line stands against Oklahoma. The Sooners moved inside the 5-yard line on three series against the Aggies and didn’t score. Eleven snaps included four from the 1 and three from the 2.

Stock Falling
Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri. Since leading the Tigers to a 7–0 start and into national title talk, Gabbert has slumped, completing but 30-of-72 passes for 294 yards.

By the Numbers

5 Interceptions thrown by Texas quarterback Garrett Gilbert at K-State.

145 Points allowed by Baylor in its three losses.

6,100 Running back DeMarco Murray’s career all-purpose yards, moving him past Joe Washington for No. 1 all-time at OU.

Taxonomy upgrade extras:
With the loss of several key players from last season, not many expected Oklahoma State to challenge for the Big 12 South title. However, the Cowboys sit atop the standings after Week 10, thanks to a high-powered offense led by running back Kendall Hunter.

More Stories:


text:
A still from Here At Home film, "Honestly Painful"

In the Here At Home film Honestly Painful, Mark Wroblewski remembers the elation he felt when he learned he was going to be housed. But his happiness has since been tempered by anxiety about what happens when the study ends. “I wish this program could continue for another ten, twenty years,” he says, “because it’s giving me a secure home.”

His caseworker, Bouchra Arbach tries to comfort him by suggesting that he concentrate on his present reality rather than worry about the future. But later she confides in a voice-over, “Those expressions of anxiety are very real. I don’t know where the project is heading. I don’t know whether the funding will be renewed. What I do know is they [the participants] have housing today.”

Ethics At Home

For us, Wroblewski’s fears once again raised a nagging question: what is the human cost of conducting a study like At Home? I called Dr. Barbara Russell, who works and teaches in the field of bioethics, to talk it over.

According to Russell, most studies involving human participants in Canada are expected to follow something called the Tri-Council Policy Standards and be reviewed by a research ethics board. Digging into the literature of the At Home study, I discovered that it was approved by no fewer than 10 different review boards before it swung into action. And to make the study as sensitive as possible to the needs of the participants, the study designers sought insight from a panel of people with lived experience of mental illness and homelessness.

People need data

All the same, Paula Goering, At Home lead researcher and one of the designers of the study, acknowledges that there are moral dilemmas associated with the project, “It’s not easy. This kind of randomized controlled trial is not an easy thing, but it’s extremely important that we conduct one.”

“There are many skeptics,” says Sam Tsemberis, founder of the Housing First model, and consultant to At Home. “People needed to see data because the strategy is so different. The research, which sometimes feels like a painful elaboration of the obvious, gives the whole thing a lot more credibility.”

To gain that credibility, the study must maintain a degree of clinical rigour that, despite its compassionate motives, verges on coldness. Take, for instance, the story of Valère in the Here At Home film Not Chosen. The film reminds us that while1,265 participants are housed by At Home, 970 are not.

When researchers first recruited participants for the study, they explained that half would be housed (the Study Group) and half would carry on as before (the Treatment As Usual group). A randomizing algorithm decided who would be in which group.

A still from Here At Home film, "Not Chosen"

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

Paula Goering recalls a story she heard from a young research assistant in Moncton who told her about visiting a woman with schizophrenia in the Treatment As Usual group. “The researcher noticed a cardboard box on the table and asked what was in it. The woman replied that it was a set of dishes that she had gotten at the local goodwill so that when it was her turn to get some kind of housing she would be ready”

“Hearing this story really reinforced for me that we have an obligation to do everything we can to help the Treatment As Usual group because while they’ve been an extremely important part of this study, they haven’t benefited from it.”

Goering’s hope is that even though the woman in this story is getting nothing in the short term, the study will result in policy decisions that can help her.

“We can’t assume that people’s lives are improving due to Housing First unless we can compare them to people who only have access to the usual system of care. Intellectually this makes a lot of sense, especially since this study represents a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to establish such a comparison. On the other hand, the randomization has been hard for Treatment As Usual participants and for the researchers who are in contact with them.”

Moral distress/moral space

According to Barbara Russell, the difficulty experienced by the At Home field researchers has a name: “When people believe they know what the ethical thing to do is, but can’t do it for one reason or another, they may experience ‘moral distress.’” Russell notes that the phenomenon is well-known in the field of nursing. “Moral distress is positive in that it affirms that people are paying attention to ethical considerations.  If it increases or remains unaddressed, however, professional burn-out can result. That’s why it’s valuable to be open and to encourage dialogue within what philosopher Margaret Urban Walker calls a, ‘moral space.’”

It seems that the process of thinking through and discussing ethical issues may be as important as resolving them. In the spirit of creating and maintaining a moral space, let us know about your experiences of moral distress, or any other thoughts you may have on these thorny matters.

This is the first of two articles about ethics and the At Home project. The second post will look at the moral dilemmas involved in filming for the Here At Home web doc.


text:
Atlanta Gas Prices: We're Going To Have To Watch The Situation In The Mideast Carefully
Summer Gas Prices Expected To Be Cheapest In A Decade
Best Mobile Apps For Discount TravelAs technology has changed, so has the way we save money. Mobile apps are now helping thousands of vacation planners save money on accommodations, airfare, entertainment, dining and so much more.
Best Road Trip AppsSome of the best smartphone apps can complement your travel experience.
Tips For Your Next Road TripGoing on a road trip? Here's a list of great tips to make your outing that much better.
Tips For Traveling Over Thanksgiving WeekendThe following are five tips for traveling during Thanksgiving weekend that will make your life easier.

More From CBS Atlanta

Taz Goes Big With A New Daily Show!
Enter NOW

Watch & Listen


text:
New to Meditation or Shambhala?
Join us for a free Open House—Learn to meditate, connect with community, develop mindful-awareness, & compassion. Meditation instruction is available.  We offer tools to help discover greater compassion, confidence, wisdom and joy in our day-to-day life.  You can click here for information on how to Get Started.

The Shambhala teachings offer a path to explore the depth of our being and for transforming our world.

We are family friendly and offer free child care for children 4-12 years old every Sunday morning, 10:00-12:00, so parents can attend our Open House.

Featured Programs

Radical Conversations

with Rev. Brady Radford

September 3rd

Conversations on Race, Black Prophetic Traditions and Shambhala Traditions, Third in a Five Part Series - Open to all Communities. Continue »

The Art of Being Human: Shambhala Training Level I

with Valerie Morvan

September 10th—September 11th

The Art of Being Human is the experience of becoming familiar with our own nature. This is an opportunity to discover and explore our inherent strength, wisdom and compassion. Continue »

Learn To Meditate

September 10th

This 3-hour class, will help you start and establish a mindfulness-awareness meditation practice. Continue »

Recent News

  • Radical Conversations continue with Brenda Collins – Join Us!

    Join us as Radical Conversations continue in September, October, and November. The final three gatherings of this five part series will serve as a powerful catalyst for engagement in our community. Radical Conversations provides opportunities for true dialogue and lasting change in our efforts to create an Enlightened Society.   Conversations on Race, Black Prophetic … Continue

  • Brenda Collins

    Conversations on Race with Brenda Collins

    “It has finally really gotten through to me how dangerous it is to be black in America, especially for black men… In the US, racial injustice has been going on since the days of slavery. But what is different now, is that the videos of the murders are there for all to see, and white … Continue

  • Good Heart-0

    Jampa Pawo: Final Letters and A Journal Entry

    From the Journal of Jampa Pawo This is an excerpt from a journal entry Jampa Pawo wrote in 2005, long before he had found Buddhism. To me it speaks of the kind of person he already was when he began to study the dharma. This passage was read at Jampa’s Shing Kam ceremony by his … Continue


text:
Tag: jj jr resigns

    Jesse Jackson Jr submitted his resignation to Congress

    Jesse Jackson, Jr. Resigns From Congress

    (AP) — Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. quietly resigned Wednesday, effectively ending a once-promising political career months after the civil rights icon’s son went on a mysterious medical leave while facing separate federal investigations. Just two weeks after voters re-elected him to a ninth full term, Jackson sent his resignation letter to House …


text:
Valentine’s Day is a holiday that is more and more celebrated throughout the whole world and has somehow entered in the International calendar.

The ways in which people celebrate Valentine’s Day are very diverse: from heading off to the mountains to staying at home or going out, the possibilities are endless.

Many people celebrate Valentine’s Day by going out with their loved one or by embarking on a date with someone they’ve never met before. Either way, if you want to make a good first visual impression or if you want to dress up for the woman or man you love, this guide gives you some tips on how you can look your best on the holiday of love.

The rule of thumb when it comes to fashion in general is that your clothes need to be in your size and that they always need to be occasion-appropriate. Valentine’s Day is holiday that allows you to wear a series of things you normally wouldn’t. If you want to dress up on V-Day, you can definitely play with patterns, mix colors and put on other things that will make you memorable.

In this guide, we take a look at some things you can wear on Valentine’s Day. Our guidelines are just general tips and can be adapted to any kind of outfit and to any style. We have also created some outfit ideas, which you can adapt to your taste and style in case you need more visual support and a good shopping starting point.

1. Colors and patterns

1.1 Colors

Wearing colors and patterns is a bold style statement and a great way to express your personality. Choosing colors and shapes you like will speak a lot about yourself and your taste. Even though Valentine’s Day is a holiday that is mostly associated with the colors red and pink, we don’t necessarily recommend wearing red or pink as this can turn out to be a tautological look.

A dressy outfit created around a blue-based color scheme

If you don’t know much about color coordination, for a safe bet, you can either wear a classic black and white or all-black combination, especially if you are wearing a suit, or you can wear mostly neutrals and add only one pop of color. In fashion, neutrals are colors that can be matched to each other and to any other color. These colors are black, white, gray, beige, khaki, ivory, tan, brown, dark blue, etc. These colors can be mixed with each other, and can be worn with any other color. So, for example if you have a beige or tan suit, you can pair it with a shirt in a strong color such as purple, orange or green and you will be sure that you will look great. A neutral + non-neutral combination is always a safe bet and a great way to go.

You can also wear neutrals with one color, but in different shades. For example, a brown suit can be worn with an orange shirt and a light orange tie. Wearing the same color twice is a very subtle and elegant fashion statement.

If you want to be more playful with your style, you can mix two or three colors. If you want to wear two colors, for great results, you can either wear colors that lie close to each other on the color wheel, such as red and orange, or blue and green, which will result in a natural and very harmonic look, or you can wear colors that lie on opposite sides of the color spectrum, such as orange and green, which will result in a strong look, as the two colors, by contrasting each other, will make each other pop.

If you want to wear three colors, a good way to go is to choose colors that lie at equal distances from one another on the colors (for example, if you count from 8 to 8 on a 24-color color wheel).

1.2. Patterns

When it comes to wearing patterns, the easiest way to wear a pattern, a print or a texture is to pair it with a solid neutral. Of course, you can wear a neutral pattern with a neutral solid, but that look will be a little boring.

A second way to wear a pattern is to wear a colorful pattern with a solid color that is one of the colors or a shade of one of the colors that appears in the pattern. For example, if you wear a tie that features dark blue, light green and beige stripes, you can pair it with a dark or light blue shirt. Repeating a color in a different shade is a very subtle fashion choice that indicates a man who pays attention to detail.

Thirdly, if you want to wear two or more patterns, prints or textures, you should always make sure that they are of different sizes: for example, thick stripes go with thin stripes. If you were to add a third pattern, such as paisley or polka dots, you should make sure that the shapes composing the patterns are of a different size than the two patterns you are already wearing.

Otherwise, you risk looking like an optical illusion, and, unless you are a mime, that is not a very aesthetic look.

There are exceptions to this rule, such as if you wear the exact same pattern twice but in different colors it can look well if the colors look together well, but these looks are extremely hard to pull off.

Always remember that a pattern is a symmetrically repeated construction, a print is an image that features a clear composition and a texture is a pattern that can not only be seen, but felt as well.

2. Layering

Wearing more layers is a perfect way to add more visual interest to an outfit and to make it stand out. For example, adding a vest to a shirt will result in a deeper outfit, that will look more 3D and that will therefore be more pleasing to the eye.

3. Accessories

An more casual outfit that features several accessories

Wearing accessories is a wonderful way to let someone know who you are without having to say a word. We don’t recommend wearing too many accessories, but in the end, it all comes down to your personal taste. A watch, a tie or bow tie, and a pocket square are enough for going out on Valentine’s Day. Speaking of ties and pocket squares; if you want to wear both a tie and a pocket square, you should always make sure that these do not match in terms of color and fabric. Of course, they should go together well, but they should not match. The reason for this is because a tie or a bow tie is meant to compliment your outfit and a pocket square is meant to compliment the tie or bow tie. Wearing the same thing twice is quite useless.

Another very important thing that needs to be said about accessories is that, for amazing sartorial results, your accessories should always be proportionate to your body. For example, you are a larger man, you can wear bigger accessories, while thin men should opt for thinner watches, thinner bracelets and skinnier ties.

Furthermore, when it comes to wearing gold and silver, you should always remember that metallics are neutrals and that they go with anything. Therefore, they can be even worn together, so it is OK if you are wearing a silver watch and a golden necklace at the same time.

When you are choosing accessories for your outfits, regardless of what they are (cufflinks, pocket squares, socks, etc.) make sure that you incorporate their colors in the overall color scheme of your outfit. Otherwise, you risk looking like a Rio de Janeiro carnival participant.

Wearing the right colors, the right pieces and the right accessories will make you look great, which can contribute a lot to feeling confident and comfortable in your own skin.

In the end, we always say that your clothes are just as important as your attitude and that a man who wears great piece, if he has a great attitude as well, he will make the best out of everything.

Have a great Valentine’s Day!

Fraquoh and Franchomme

Further reading:

The 2016 men’s Valentine’s Day style guide

How to choose colors like a pro

A guide to mixing colors

A guide to choosing the best colors for your skin tone

What should a man wear on a date

The complete guide to mixing patterns and prints

12 essential suit rules

5 rules men should consider when wearing accessories

A guide to matching your shirt to your pants

P.S. What do you wear on Valentine’s Day? Do you celebrate it? How? If not, why? Share your thoughts in the comments below! For more articles on style, fashion tips and cultural insights, you can subscribe to Attire Club via e-mail or follow us on Facebook or Twitter!


text:
The VoiceJake Shears has revealed that there is a “whole album’s worth” of songs Kylie Minogue has recorded with Scissor Sisters over the years.

Shears and his Scissors bandmate Babydaddy co-wrote and produced the singer’s 2004 hit I Believe In You – and another song the trio wrote together, White Diamond, popped up on 2007’s Showgirl Homecoming Live album.

“I love writing with her and always have,” Shears told Attitude recently. “I’m really proud of all the songs I’ve written with her and I think someday I’m gonna, like, put together a Scissors-Kylie record.

“There’s a whole album’s worth of music. It’s from over the years. There’s some really cool stuff that no-one has heard. We could definitely put together a fun little album. Someday I’m gonna be shifty and leak it.”

On what it’s like to work in the studio with Minogue, Shears added: “She’s just a lot of fun – she’s a great writer and I love writing with her, she’s great with lyrics. But it’s just like playtime, you know. It feels like play, not work. It’s just a nice time for us to hang out and be creative with each other.”

Shears will join Minogue as an advisor on The Voice this Saturday (March 1). Check back on attitude.co.uk later today for our full interview with Jake.

> Click here for out track-by-track review of Kylie’s new album


text:
[Nikto-discuss] Typo in the update file name?

Neil Ryan neilryan at bellatlantic.net
Tue Aug 12 10:18:19 UTC 2008

Nice package - thank you for all the work!

I just downloaded version 2.02, and tried the "-update" option.  It

The error message said <ERROR: Unable to get www.cirt.net/nikto/UPDATES/2.02/nikto_plugin_order_txt

it's true, there's no such file there.  But "nikto_plugin_order.txt"
does exist.

Is this a typo in the update section?  Should that last "underscore"
possibly be a "dot"?

  - Neil Ryan

More information about the Nikto-discuss mailing list


text: Want a free ringtone? Audiko.net! Here you can download a free yo ringtones for your iPhone or mobile. Take your favorite piece from your favorite song - Focus (Zed Zilla Feat Yo Gotti), Yo Te Amo Sara Borraez Tu Amor Me Hace Cantar, Yo Gotti - Errbody by Xplicit Truth, or any other track. Then download the prepared yo ringtones to your gadget, and enjoy Polskie music by yo every time your phone rings. It’s possible to gain your track piece both in the MP3 and m4a formats, supported by both mobile phones and iPhones. Just select a track, and choose free yo ringtones download option.