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Percentage rather than days

Hi all. I know I haven’t been posting for months but I think that happens to a lot of people who are trying to get sober but not really bloggers.

Since my last post, I did get drunk once. I was at a small, local Burner regional and I got drunk one night on cheap wine. I wasn’t sure why I did it but I think it was related to 1) feeling lonely 2) had a crush on the guy who offered the wine. I had fun but ended up going to my tent for something and passed out early. I wasted one night of a 3 day festival and regretted it the next morning when I had a hangover.

And I survived another Burning Man year with ALMOST no alcohol. I told several people  in my camp I do not drink but I was still offered booze in some form all week. I did take a few sips of champagne as it was passed around during volunteer shifts. And I had some champagne at a camp that has champagne parties at sunrise everyday, but it is small amount they give and the 2 cups I had were maybe 3/4 of a measuring cup. Then there was one drink I had on the last day as I passed a camp as my sort of farewell toast to Burning Man.

I sit here now a week later and think about what that means for my sobriety. To myself, I remained sober. I had a tiny bit of alcohol but avoided the amount that would cause me to crave. (Last year when I sipped the passing champagne, I gulped it down and realized I was keeping my eye on the bottle as it got passed around to figure when it would get back to me.) No, I do not think this means I can moderate. But I also don’t think I need to start to recount my sobriety. This is one reason I do not subject to the AA club nor the philosophies there. If I went to an AA meeting now, they would consider me newly sober and I would have to wait for 30 days since that last drink to get a new chip. It sort of erases all the things I learned the last 2 and a half years.

So I’ve decided to think of my sobriety in percents. I would estimate I have been sober 95% of the time since January 2014. I plan to sit down and actually calculate the percentage out when I have time. I can remember everyday I had a drink since I first slip in May 2015. The more as time goes on and I do not drink, that percentage will go higher. I think that is more important than chips or resetting my sobriety clock. I will never get a cake at an AA meeting with this belief but it will keep me sober to the best of my ability.

I am in school now so don’t really think I will have time for blogging. But I feel confident I can have that percent up to 99% by January 21, 2017.

Give It Time

Just like recovery can not be rushed,  I can not rush my friends into accepting my sobriety. It seems I expect everyone to jump on board this big change and say “good for you” without considering how this affects them. Of course, staying sober for myself is the most important thing in my life. But I am being selfish if I refuse to understand it might take some people time to adjust.

I wrote about my two friends, P and C, back in the beginning of June. They made many comments that were not supportive. Their behavior when I was leaving their place was strange. They did not walk me to the door, hug me, nor say anything about hoping to see me again soon. It felt they did not want me there if I was going to be sober. I was upset and went to an AA meeting to vent. I felt they were going to be the first friends I lost in recovery.

Now I am staying to think maybe they just needed to grieve. Maybe the needed to overcome their loss of a party friend. Maybe they needed to see I really was planning to stick with sobriety and witness me benefiting.  Maybe I have not lost them.

P emailed me today. It was the first time I spoke to him since I left there six weeks ago. He told me about a dream he had with him, his wife C, and me at a festival and then somehow at a tropical beach. It was a long description of this dream. He ended it saying he hopes I have a good time at the festival I am going in a few weeks. I have spent the last three years partying with them at this festival but they are skipping it this year.

I did not know how to respond at first. I couldn’t help but wonder why he had a dream with me in it. Was it because I posted on FB they other day saying I wish more people would support my decision to quit drinking? I kept trying to decipher the meaning and read between the lines. Did he mean he wishes I could drink margaritas on a tropical beach with them? Or they are glad they aren’t going to the festival if I am planning to stay sober?

I finally responded saying I was excited to experience the festival without hangovers and wasting so much time drunk. I told him of some of my plans and I feel this will be a great year there. Then I kept checking to see if he read my response and wondered if he would reply. He finally did:

“Hope you find exactly want you want out there this year!!!”

Maybe I am over-analyzing it, but I felt that this was his olive branch. It was his step towards tolerating my change. It was his way of saying “I still wish you could drink but I am willing to accept your sobriety.” It is not really support, but maybe I do not have to lose them after all. Maybe I just need to give them time.

Mistake 186- I was spending a day home alone and drinking. I must have been watching movies or wasting time online. There was a farmers market that afternoon a mile from my home. I decided I wanted to go down to there and people watch. I was drunk and was worried if I walked, I would miss the market. So I drove. I drove down around a busy market full of people. I remember having trouble parking but also avoiding certain parking lots that I knew usually had cops. I walked around for a bit and once the stalls started to close up, I went into a bar. I ordered an IPA and read my book. I did not want to lose my “buzz”. After several drinks, I drove home again.

When I moved into that place, one reason I picked the address was because it was walking distance to the bars. But I still was irresponsible enough to drive to them a lot. I put myself and other lives at risk. I am so fortunate I never hurt anyone with my drunk driving.

Stronger with Support.

I have another friend tell me he supports my sobriety.  I started to cry. I was so happy and relieved.  He is a huge part of a group of party friends. But I also think he knows of many of my drunk mistakes. He is a very healthy guy so maybe he is looking at it from that point of view. Either way, I feel my hometeam is gaining support. I feel stronger.

It also helps to think that there will be a lot of very disappointed people if I do relapse.  I feel I now need to stay sober for others. Of course, staying sober for myself if most important. But having stands of supporters shouting “you can do it” will help me in this race. I just need to remember that there is no finish line.

Mistake 183- I met this friend a few years ago at a New Year’s party. I was in a long distance relationship at the time. A few weeks later, this friend asked me out for margarita happy hour. I had a crush on him when I first met him so going out for drinks when I had a boyfriend was a bad idea. But my relationship was starting to go downhill. I spent most of the evening complaining about my boyfriend. I drank a lot at the two-for-one happy hour. I kept drinking until the trains were no longer running.  This friend offered to give me a ride home.

I am not sure if we kissed in the bar first or not. But I do remember making out in his truck outside of my apartment complex.  I tried to invite him up to my place. He said “I think we both know what will happen if I come up.” I thought “D’uh!” Of course that is what I want to happen. He said that would be a bad idea. I felt rejected.

This next morning he called to make sure I got up for work.  I might have slept through my alarm. I thanked him for calling. He asked how was my hangover. I said I would survive. Then I thanked him for not taking advantage of drunk me. He said he was very tempted but didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

For some reason, that evening makes his support all the more meaningful.

Travel for Tokens

If you have been following my blog, you would know that my local meetings do not give out many sobriety chips. At first I was very frustrated by this. I had to drive to a city two hours away to get my 30 day chip. I got my 90 day chip while on vacation in another city. I found it nice and convenient that I was to be traveling again for my 180th day.

I made plans to have dinner with an old friend. He and I have bickered about a lot of things in the past. When I first got sober, I stopped talking to him because of his comments about alcoholism.  He does not believe it is a disease. It is a choice.  I couldn’t handle that in my first 30 or even 60 days. I think it was near 90 days sober before I unblocked him and started to talk to him again.

He wanted to invite his roommate and roommate’s girlfriend to dinner with us. The problem is his roommate is my ex-boyfriend.  I told him I did not want them to join.  He said they might get upset if they are left out and I said “I don’t fucking care.” This guy was horrible with returning phone calls and text messages. He did not care when that hurt me. And the way we ended things was he called me about some papers and then said “you know that whatever happens, we will always be friends.” We never talked about it. We never had closure. And the last time I was in town, he canceled dinner plans with me to go see this girl. So I really did not want him and his new love joining my evening. I did not want closure with his arms wrapped around her. I could not handle that sober.

Thankfully my friend did not invite them. He and I had a great dinner. We talked and caught up. Afterwards, I felt bad that I seemed to monopolize the conversation with my recovery. He said a few times that he does not think I need to quit forever. I told him I know I do. He kept saying he thinks I can control it. If we had this talk a few months ago, I would have got angry. Instead, I just explained to him that I do not want to drink. I do not need to drink. He came up with his excuses for drinking and I told him that is fine.  I have no problem with other people drinking. I have a problem with my drinking.

After dinner, I started to drive him home. I was planning to go to a meeting. He even looked up meetings for me near his home. I was about to turn towards his street and he asked where was I going. The meeting is straight. “You want to go to the meeting with me?” He said sure. This was the first time I had someone go to a meeting with me.

It was a beginners meeting. The topic was higher power and God. I thought he would enjoy this because we discuss/debate religion and religious issues a lot. I got called on and felt like I was in school and had to write an answer on the chalkboard.  I have never been to a meeting before where they randomly call on people. But I spoke about my feelings of spirituality and using energy and the universe as my higher power. (Maybe one day I will get around to make a blog about my spirituality.) After the meeting, my friend thanked me for what I said. He thought it helped balance out all the God and Jesus talk. I think he might have enjoyed the meeting even if he does not believe everyone in that room has a disease.

There was a few minutes left and I did not see anyone with a box. I whispered to him “I guess no chip.” But then the chairperson asked for a volunteer to pass out chips. A huge smile crept across my face. They started out with 18 months. Then 12. Then 6. I jumped up like it was the lottery. I was the only person in the room accepting a chip. My friend kept clapping after everyone else was finished. It felt so wonderful.

And then I thought I really hate my local meetings. Why do they deprive people of this awesome feeling of accepting a chip? Only 90 days and yearly chips? That does not seem like enough reinforcement.  Maybe I am just Pavlovian dog.

Mistake 182- Many years ago, I was at a party at the house of my friend that joined me at this meeting. I do not remember much (as usual). But I cheated on my girlfriend with some guy at the party. In most lesbian relationships, that is the worst betrayal. I do not remember much of the incident. The images of it are fuzzy like it didn’t really happen. Another guy witnessed it which is how I discovered what I did. Our group of friends made a joke out of it. I felt such shame because of the betrayal and the fact I had to be told by someone else what I did with my own body. Drinking controlled me. I finally gave up the losing battle of trying to control it.

Real Me

I was telling a friend how some friends have not been supportive. Some friends seem to avoid me now that I quit drinking. He said maybe they just miss the old me. They had fun partying with me. I was a fun person and that should be seen a good thing. His excuses were pissing me off.

So I am not fun now? Just because I am not falling over drunk, not remembering the night, or waking up with a stranger in my bed, that means I am not fun? I feel that they miss me being the entertainment.  The jackass. The drunk fool. They don’t miss the “real” me. The real me would get suicidal from being so depressed from drunk mishaps. The regret I would feel the next day made me hate who I was and wish for death!  That is what they miss?

But of course, they didn’t know about that side of me. Not many know about my many suicide attempts. Nor all the times I drove drunk. Some know I have 2 DUIs and they share with me their DUI stories or drunk-driving-but-not-caught stories. I put on a great show of being happy most of the time. If I got drunk and depressed, they just ignored it and figured I would be okay once I sobered up.

Yes. I am finally okay. But it is not from sobering after after a night of drinking. It is six months of sobriety after twenty years of drinking.

Now I have to figure how to get people to know the real me. I have to get them to understand how sobriety is the best thing that has happened to me. I want them to see the benefits without shoving it down their throats. The real me is actually pretty awesome.

Mistake 179- I drove to a club for a costume party.  It was a 45 minute drive. I got super drunk. I was not planning the night out well. I had no backup plan for getting home. Maybe I thought I would sleep in the car before driving (in a sketchy neighborhood.) It was a few months before my second DUI.

I met a guy. I don’t know how or anything about the meeting. But somehow I took him home. He drove my car and his friend followed in his. I woke up with this guy in my bed and his friend on the couch. He even asked how was I planning to get home with as trashed as I was and I told him I did not know.

I had a second date with that guy another time. I got trashed on that date. He asked if I was an alcoholic. I said “no, I just like to have fun.” We never had another date.

Maybe if I did not meet him in that club and have him drive me home, I would have gotten my second DUI sooner. Or might have been dead.

I went to dinner with a friend who quit drinking a few weeks ago. He warned me he thought it would be weird to go out without a drink. He has avoided being sociable. We ordered ice tea with dinner. I did not notice if he was aching for a beer and he never said anything.

I tried to give him advice without sounding pushy. I asked if he wanted me to go with him to an AA meeting. He said he doesn’t want to do the AA thing.  I wasn’t really sure what to tell him.  I am not really active in AA. I felt suggesting it was sort of a cop-out to actually helping him.  Then again,  I think everyone should at least try it.  Go to a meeting.  For me,  there is always at least one thing I hear in that whole hour that helps me. Maybe I just don’t want to feel the responsibility of being the only person with whom he can share his sobriety feelings.

My sister has been battling a lot emotional problems the last few years.  We stopped speaking three years ago because she had some mental breakdowns. She started leaving me nasty voicemails and texting me a lot of mean things while she was drunk. A lot has happened since then. But that is her story.

She is now trying to get help and go sober. Yet because of all the problems she has caused and the horrible things she has done,  no one in our family is talking to her. Her kids do not even want to talk to her.

She has started to message me recently. This has caused some strife in my family in a sort of “with her/against us” mentality.  But I know how important it is to have support when trying to get sober. I have sent her a few links to try to help.  She is getting professional help. I plan to check in and try to support her from afar. I am also worried about getting too involved in her problems and it hindering my recovery.

Mistake 178- When she started her nasty messages to me,  they started with accusations of an incident from the early 1990s.

I was drunk and ran into her old, high school boyfriend. We were in a military bar in another country. It was his birthday. A bunch of us were drinking pitchers of beer. With straws. We had long straws stuck in the large pitchers! Everyone was drinking and getting drunk like young military people tend to do. And somewhere in the night, he and I started to kiss. We left the bar and went somewhere else. We started to kiss heavily. He dropped to his knees and started some oral pleasantries.  Then when he tried to go to the next step, I stopped him. I said I couldn’t do this. He dated my sister. This was wrong. He seemed disappointed but was fine. We returned to the bar and acted like nothing happened.

I wrote about it in my journal. My sister later read my whole journal. Since in the journal it said he and I “hooked up”, she thought it meant intercourse. When she confronted me, I told her it meant just making out. I am not sure if I ever told her about the oral. But to this day, she swears I fucked him.  I am not sure if “only oral” is any less worse. What is actually worse is that I stopped from going further because of his past relationship with my sister but the fact that I was married at the time was not a reason to stop.

One drink for you… 3 drinks for me…

I went out for dinner last night with a friend. I have known DG for 7 years. When I first met her, it was right after I gave up my post-DUI sobriety. It was about two weeks after a pool party where I got trashed. I was still thinking I was able to moderate.The first weekend I met her, I got trashed two nights in a row. I don’t know why I was lying to myself that I did not have a problem.

When I got into the City, I felt very good. I thought “wow I have come a long way in sobriety. I no longer feel temptations to drink here.” The Happy Hour signs on the sidewalks were not trying to trip me anymore. The cheerful people on the patios drinking did tantalize me with their drunk laughter. I felt strong.

When DG arrived, we got a nice table outside. We had a great view for people watching. We chatted and caught up. Service was very slow at this place but we finally got our drink orders placed.

When her Cabernet arrived, I felt a little weak. I could smell her wine as much as I could smell my own breath. It smelled so lovely. It must have been a good bottle. I really wanted a sip. And I found this desire sad. I was just feeling satisfied at not wanting alcohol. One whiff later and I was craving the poison. Maybe I need to start drawing my Sobriety chips on my hands when I go out to remind myself not to reach out for it.

I am not sure what she would have said if I asked for sip. She knows I quit drinking but she did not know the whole story until tonight. And she did not say much about the story yet seemed to understand. Or at least understood I drank way more than normal people. She might not understand why I need to abstain but she does not have an issue if I do not drink.

She was never a big drinker. I would seriously have about 5 glasses per her one when we would party. We have meet up about once or twice a year since I moved away and that usually involves meeting for dinner. I usually would have 2 or 3 cocktails for her one. She took a long time to finish that Cabernet. What a weird and normal drinker she is!

I made one comment that I made too many mistakes when drunk. She started to list some of my mistakes. *sigh* I wonder if I have any friends that DO NOT have drunk stories I do not remember.

Mistake 147- The first time I met DG, it was at a picnic. Nothing bad happen the first day. We were in a public park and alcohol was illegal. No one was drinking until later in the evening. I had a good time and met people. DG and I connected and got along well. I did not get trashed. But the next night, I did.

We went to a late afternoon BBQ. I started drinking then. Then we went to a party to watch the Tonys and kept drinking. Then we went dancing. The last thing I remember is the dance club. Then I woke up in DG’s living room the next morning. She let me come stay at her place because I was too drunk to get home. She said on the walk to her place, I kept yelling I needed sex. She said I was quite funny. “I HAVEN’T HAD SEX IN A LONG TIME! I NEED SEX!!!” She had a guy staying with her, who I apparently almost molested.  She really thought the guy was scared. He was foreign. He had a girlfriend back home. She said I tried to kiss him several times and he pulled away.

I guess I am lucky she has a sense of humor and put up with my crazy, drunk behavior. I am glad she likes me for whatever reason we connected that first day and not for my drunk antics.

Thoughts from Last Attempt at Sobriety

I started a “sober journal” in 2007. This was after my second DUI. I was so serious about it. But I can read doubt in between the lines. It seems I was trying to rush sobriety.  Went to daily AA meetings where I rushed the steps and talked about “God” but did not really believe it. It seems I was practicing to be sober.

My first entry April 7, 2007:

Sometimes I feel like a loser going sober. I feel like I lost the war. I lost the battle with alcohol. At least I am being taken as a prisoner instead of as a corpse.

This will test who my friends are. For awhile I have been depressed by the fact I felt all I have is drinking aquaintances instead of friends. [Name 3 friends] have proven themselves to be real friends.

Then I complained about a “friend” who texted me “I wish you could still party.” I stopped talking to him a few months later for being so unsupportive.  Will I lose friends this round of sobriety?

Then I started a list of mistakes I made from drinking up to that point. If I stayed sober that time, I don’t think I would have been able to create a list of 365 mistakes. That is one thing I would have been okay not accomplishing. But if I relapse this round, how much more will this list increase? Will this list be read at my funeral?

Found a page of my concerns about sobriety back then which I now feel I can answer:

1) will it be hard to make friends now that I don’t drink?
– Nope. Just different type of friends. Ones that like me for me. Not for drunk me.

2) will I find happiness?
– Yep. Even though I still get bouts of sadness and depression, I really feel I am overall happier. And I think more happiness is in my future. Just not suffering hangovers anymore makes me happier!

3) can I find a successful relationship?
– not sure yet since I plan to wait until I am sober for a year, but I am starting to have confidence that I will find someone. For now, I have my friend with benefits. And he has been fun.

4) will my current friends be supportive?
– all the people I knew when I wrote that and I am still in touch with have been wonderful and super supportive.  They have been around long enough to understand why I had to finally quit drinking. Only a few people are acting unsupportive.

5) will I be weak?
– well, I did get weak back then. I stayed sober a little more than 2 months. I did not try going sober again until 7 years later (except for “drinking breaks,” but those were never meant to be permanent.) Back then, I kept thinking I could learn to moderate eventually. Now, I know that is impossible.

Also, now I have a great sober blogging community to keep me strong.

Mistake 144 – I met a girl in Cairns, Australia with whom I became temporarily friends. We were sharing a dorm room. We had things in common. We talked about getting together again when we returned to America. But I got drunk and ruined the friendship.

I started an open water diving course in Cairns. It was a week long with the last 3 days out on a boat. But our last two certification dives were canceled due to cyclones. The boat went back to the docks. Most of the class returned to the boat the next day to continue the course. I declined. I was scared. I would finish my certification elsewhere.

I stayed in Cairns and partied with my new friend. We got along well. We went to see sites together. It was typical of how quick friendships can form when traveling. And the night my diving class came back from the boat, I invited her to come join my class at a bar. We were going to celebrate everyone’s new diving certification. And I confessed to her, I wanted to join because I had a crush on the boat captain.

It started out fun. When the captain started to flirt with her, I got jealous. Then she flirted back. And the answer to my jealousy was “get drunk!” I started badmouthing her to the other divers. How dare that slut go for the guy I liked! I talked my classmates into leaving that bar and sneaking over to another. We didn’t tell her where we were going. We just sort of ditched out and went elsewhere. I thought I was so clever.

But she arrived at the new bar with the Captain. She found me and said “wow you guys left quick? Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?” Oh I thought someone told you.  Then she asked if I was mad. I lied and said no. I kept drinking and doing a lot of shots. She then left with the Captain.  My response was to find first, cute random guy and take him back to the dorm room.

Then next day she told me how she went home with the Captain.  She found lipstick and tampons in his bathroom. She asked and turns out he had a girlfriend out of town. I laughed. That is what she deserved. I was a mean bitch. We stopped hanging out together even though we kept sharing a room. I booked a bus to leave Cairns soon. We did not bother to stay in touch.

Even if I lose friends in sobriety, what about the friends I lost from my drinking?

Google myself

I tried to Google my blog. I typed “365reasons” and the first 4 things that popped are were “365 reasons i love you”, “365 reasons i love my boyfriend”, “365 reasons i love her”, and “365 reasons to drink.”

Love, love, love and alcohol. It is what is on everyone wants.

I went and clicked on the 4th option. I found it depressing. The top story was 365 Excuses to Get Drunk. As if people need an excuse? It was depressing that there is a whole magazine and website dedicated to, not just drinking, but “standing up for your right to get falling down drunk since 1996.” I actually might have read the magazine? I think I found a copy of it in a bar and that was where I discovered the term alcoheimers. Man, I was not just an alcoholic. I was a DEDICATED alcoholic. I am surprised I did not get a subscription to the magazine. I guess the closest I ever came to a drunk subscription was a wine club. They sent me cases every few months. The magazine would have been cheaper.

A bit further down, I found a link to an app on a Smartphone for drinking: 365 Reasons to Drink. I wonder if I can get someone to create an app after I complete my year of daily blogs. But my app would be a personal one with my mistakes. Everyday it will beep with my sobriety count and instead of some daily reflection, it will say “remember the time you passed out on the street in Brooklyn” or another drunk mistake.

Crazy that when I went back and added “not” to the front of the word “drink” in the Google search, my blog came up. I guess that is a good thing!

I am not beating myself up over my past and my drunk mistakes. I am realizing how far I have come. I watched Rum Diary tonight. And even though Johnny Depp’s character is an alcoholic and there is a lot of my old favorite liquor in the movie, I did not desire any rum. Instead I thought about booking a flight to Puerto Rico where the movie takes place. I even started to look up volunteer opportunities there. (Let me know of any volunteer jobs or companies you would recommend.)

A friend that I had dinner with a couple weeks ago emailed me and said he plans to quit drinking. He has a sobriety date set up for his birthday in a few weeks from now. He said he plans to pick up as much overtime at work to avoid the temptation. He said that helped when he quit smoking. He wants more tips from me. I need to plan a night next week to have dinner with him again.

(I have been very bad with reading other sober blogs lately. I am not being selfish. It has been time consuming to write my daily blog on top of work, school work, and my travels. But I was just reading through some and found this post about Sober and Awkward. Her rock bottom was a car wreck. She hit another car head on. She just got sentenced to 6 months in jail. I cried. I cried for her and for thinking “that could have been me!” I now feel selfish.)

Mistake 142- Many years ago, when I was still new to drinking but already blacking out and making mistakes, I went to a party at my friend’s house. Her housemates were away for the weekend. I remember she regretted the party because of lot of stuff got ruined. Drunk guys threw furniture into the pool and over into a canyon. People were having sex in her roommates bed that was off limits.

I had sex in the bathroom. I barely remember someone trying to open the door on us. I remember she was so mad at me. Our friends were mad at me also. I can’t remember now, but I think either the guy had a girlfriend or one of my friends liked him.

I helped her clean up the next day. I kept apologizing. 20 years later, she laughs it off as “we were dumb and in college!” When college kids do crazy things like that, it is seen as normal.

I have been noticing people being mean lately. It seems a lot of people have a short fuse. Is there a comet above affecting us?

I was in a fast food restaurant waiting for my food. As mine was called, a man pushed ahead to complain to the young man behind the counter that his food has been sitting on that counter waiting for a long time and getting cold. I wanted to say “it is fast food. Not immediate food.” I think they were waiting for the fries to be finished to add to his order but that was not quick enough for him. He was behind me in line. My order was not cold. He just seemed like an angry man. I felt sorry for the boy working there. He had to summon the manager.

Then on my flight, the flight attendant asked everyone to turn off our cell phones and all electronics as we were landing. She said the reason was because we were flying at a lower landing. She had to come remind the guy next to me because he kept his on. (He did not have headphones for an excuse that he did not hear. He was just ignoring her.) He reluctantly did so and loudly said “8 flights in one week and that was the first time I had to do that! For crying out loud!” He had to go 10 minutes without his phone and he was pissed off?

I am thinking too much about my friends P and C. I had to stop by there place on the way to the airport because I left my laptop plug. They handed it to me (after some debate because C thought I was mistaken and it was her brother’s.  Then she found another cord still plugged into her brother’s laptop. Did she think I came back to steal a cord?) But I got it, said bye from the door, and left. They did not bother to get up to walk me to the door nor hug it. It seems they think this alcoholism disease is contagious. Or they already seem they have symptoms. “Get her problems out of here!” It was like I had the plague.

I am not going to try to figure out why. I am still hurt by P’s comments that helping people with addictions is a “lost cause.” I am hurt they both kept trying to encourage me to sip. I feel ignorant that I did not realize there was not much to our friendship besides drinking. But I can try to move on. Toxic humans can be contagious.

Mistake 139- About a year after my first DUI, I had a job start date delayed. It was going to be delayed 3 months! They wanted me to get an alcohol and drug dependency evaluation done first. I already moved to that city and began renting a house. I had to call my old job and beg for a temporary job back. They allowed me to come back but to work as a “fill in”. Basically, I only worked when someone called out or they were very busy. It was not steady but it was some money. I spent those months living on a friend of a friend’s couch. I did not have my driver’s license due to the DUI and this guy lived a mile from my job. I also partied a lot while staying there! He was a party guy so we went out a lot. Or I would beg rides from other friends. Or I would pay $40 to the club and just beg rides home. I was depressed almost the whole time. I wrote a lot of suicidal thoughts in my journal. It was a low point in my life and I self-medicated with alcohol.

I made a fool out of myself drunk a lot while staying on that guy’s couch. He never talked to me again after I left.


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3C Global joins APSCo (the Association of Professional Staffing Companies)

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After passing the Association of Professional Staffing Companies (APSCo) robust assessment process, 3C Global, leading international contractor management provider, has received the stamp of approval to join APSCo as an affiliate member.

Of the news, Francis Maye, Founder of 3C Global said:

“We are absolutely delighted that 3C Global has been recognised and accepted to join APSCo as an affiliate member. APSCo is recognised as a badge of quality across the world within the recruitment sector.

Since our formation in late 2015, it has been one of our aims to join APSCo and it is absolutely fantastic that we have realised this goal.

As a business, we have used the lockdown period since March of this year to develop and grow our business offering by expanding our local presence in Germany, Denmark and Sweden. This now means that we will have a local presence in the UK, the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, Ireland & Germany - whilst continuing to provide service across the rest of Europe.

Despite the uncertainty that Brexit and the Covid-19 pandemic have brought, I felt that there was no better time for us to finally put the wheels in motion to apply to join this excellent organisation and I have no doubt that the recruitment sector will continue to prove that it is as resilient as it has always been.

With our own focus on compliance, high standards and providing quality service to the recruitment sector, joining APSCo and its similar ethos is a completely natural fit for our business. It is further evidence of our commitment to providing the highest standards of compliance, high quality service and best practice in the international contracting market”.

Ann Swain, CEO of APSCo commented:

“I am thrilled to welcome a prodigious company like 3C Global as affiliate members to the APSCo fold. All of our members have to commit to a strict code of conduct and pass a rigorous referencing process which 3C Global have done without issue. I have no doubt that they will prove to be an asset to our staffing company members who are placing contractors internationally and want the highest standards of compliance for their customers and contractors alike”.

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APSco SIA CM Member

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Some Days

Some days are good days. Some days are okay days. Some days are rough. And then, some days are really, really good days.

Today was a really, really good day.

A really, really good day is a day spent in classrooms, with kids and their teachers, who are engaged in thoughtful mathematical conversations. Classrooms that are part of a system of classrooms in a school (from Necessary Conditions, written by Geoff Krall) that is working really, really hard to offer their students opportunities, each and every day, to talk about their ideas, to think about how their ideas are similar and different to their classmates’ ideas, to notice connections between ideas, and to build on each other’s ideas.

Details of the day

  • Each grade level hosted a number talk (K – 5)
  • Each grade level team had planned a number talk during the district work sessions held the previous week
  • One educator facilitated the number talk
  • Colleagues (from the grade level, the site instructional leadership team, the district, and outside the community) collected data and noted the teacher moves used during the conversation
  • A reflective conversation was held at the conclusion of each number talk, usually just outside the door on the sidewalk

A glimpse inside a team’s number talk

When planning for their number talk, the grade 5 team decided they wanted the students to explore division.  They selected the following number string from Number Talks, by Sherry Parrish (note: the district has provided each teacher participating in the project work with a copy of the book. So awesome.)

30 ÷ 3

18 ÷ 3

48 ÷ 3

It would be the children’s first experience thinking about division during a number talk. The team was very interested in the ideas and strategies students would use. They anticipated students might use their knowledge of multiplication and its relationship to division, multiplication and/or division facts they just know, skip counting and keeping track of the number of groups of 3, and partial quotients.

The kiddos did all of that and more. Because, when kids know you really want to know what they know and how they think, they show you. This means that they are total and complete MATH ROCK STARS.

We asked them to think about 30 ÷ 3.

They said:

“I know that 30 is three tens. So, each group has 10.”

“I know that 3 groups of 10 makes 30. So, it’s 10.”

“I know that 3 x 10 = 30, so 30 ÷ 3 = 10 and 3- ÷ 10 = 3.”

We asked them to think about 18 ÷ 3.

They said:

“I just know that 18 ÷ 3 = 6.”

“I know that 3 x 6 = 18. So, the answer is 6.”

“I skip counted: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18. I used 6 fingers to count, so it’s 6.”

We asked them to think about 48 ÷ 3.

They said:

“I counted by 3s. I think it takes 16.”

“Well, I thought about 48. I noticed that 30 and 18 is 48. And, I already know that 30 ÷ 3 = 10 and         18 ÷ 3 = 6. So, I added the 10 and the 6 and got 16.”

And this final idea was shared by a student who had listened and nodded and agreed with his classmates’ ideas throughout the entire conversation.

He said, “I split 48 into two 24s. And, 24 ÷ 3 is 8 and another 24 ÷ 3 is 8. So, 8 + 8 is 16. So, I think        48 ÷ 3 = 16.”

There was silence.

And then gasps—from both kids and teachers.

The kids were like, “Oh, wow! That works!”

The teachers were like, “Oh, wow! We didn’t anticipate that idea!”

Both kids and teachers said, “Oh, wow! I never thought about it like that before!”

The number talk was wrapped up.

Then, the teachers stepped outside to chat. All eight of us were talking at once. CELEBRATION time!!

We celebrated:

The hard work the classroom teacher has done each and every day over the past 3 months to create a classroom culture where kids know that there is a space for each of their voices.

The children’s confidence in the safety and security the number talk routine offers them. They know how the routine works, so they can just focus on the mathematics and their ideas and not have to worry about what comes next. They know what comes next. They know they will have sufficient think time, all answers are accepted and respected, those who would like to share an idea can do so without ridicule—no scoffing or eye rolling, and their ideas are celebrated, discussed, and tried out by others.

The hard work the grade level has done so that this is true in all of their classes

The welcome to our learning community that is the campus vibe

A visiting teacher facilitated the number talk and the kids didn’t miss a beat—they did what they do best—think deeply about the math and confidently share ideas

Seven educators listening in on the conversation; they were there as learners

Then, we talked about:

  • what the next number talk might be for this class
  • what we each learned
  • what we each are going to take back to our classes
  • that this really, really good day is the result of the intentional and thoughtful work done by the teachers, the school’s Curriculum Coordinator, and their instructional coach to create a schoolwide culture that extends into each classroom: a belief, a conviction, one that highly values students, their teachers, and their work

These amazing teachers went on to the rest of their day to do what they do best, each and every day; teach their kids, care for them, and encourage them.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. pamela moule #

    Judy, This post makes me smile when I think of the good times I had in the classroom with math and you. I still think you for that experience Pam Moule Today is a gift!

    November 6, 2019
    • Pam–some of my favorite memories are of the learning we did at your school. Thank you.

      November 6, 2019
  2. Tami Llewellyn #

    What a great day for these students and the teachers!

    November 6, 2019

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Hidden Coast

The shadows are deeper in this part of the world, and the power and beauty of the ocean invite introspection. Roll up the cuffs of your pants and walk along the beach or light a fire in the fireplace and relax.

This is a place of tales, long naps and sunsets that last forever. It’s where history started before words could be written, and where the lore of the Quinault outlines the topography better than any map.

CLICK TO EXPLORE ON MAP to find more things to do, places to stay and eat along this route.

1. Ocean Shores

Oceans Shores, Washington is ready for you. Come into our beautiful city, stay in one of our fantastic overnight accommodations, and spend your time hiking, paddle boarding, kayaking, canoeing, surfing, or just relaxing by Washington State’s best view of the Pacific Ocean.

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2. Ocean City State Park

Smack dab in the middle of the Washington coast, near the beach town of Ocean Shores, you will find the lovely, unpretentious Ocean City State Park.

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3. Copalis Beach

Copalis is known as the "Home of the razor clam". The fame seems justified. The community sits near the northern end of probably the greatest razor clam bed in the world. Nearby attractions include the Copalis River, Iron Springs Resort, lots of hiking trails and tons of beach access.

Read More

4. Seabrook

Using architecture reminiscent of the northeast, this relatively new village overlooks wide sandy beaches and features boutique shops and dining.

Read More

5. Pacific Beach State Park

Run with your kite, or your dog, on a flat sandy beach. Inhale the salt sea air and listen to the Pacific Ocean as it crashes on the shore by your side. Help the kids build sand castles, go fishing or dig for clams in season.

Read More

6. Moclips

Moclips is a beautiful small town in the North Beach area of Washington State. Local activities include camping, hiking, kayaking, clamming, surfing, fishing and bird watching. The community has kite contests, sand sculpture competitions, and the Kelper’s Parade and Celebration. Dine at a beachside restaurant, or visit the Museum of the North Beach and the Quinault Indian Reservation.

Read More

7. Quinault Cultural Center and Museum

The Quinault Cultural Center and Museum is a museum of culture in Taholah, Washington, owned and funded by the Quinault Indian Nation. It contains artifacts, arts, and crafts of the Quinault, housed in a converted retail building.

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Deck the Hall Light Show Will Dazzle Again at Dilworth Park

Center City District has again partnered with 6abc to bring City Hall to life with the sights and sounds of the holiday season with the Deck the Hall Light Show presented by Independence BlueCross. The dynamic light show will be projected nightly onto the west faade of City Hall and synchronized with classic holiday music.

The show debuts for the season during a kick-off event on Monday, November 19, 2018 at 5:00 p.m. Following the kick-off, the show will run every half hour throughout the evening, beginning at 5:30 p.m. at Dilworth Park, 1 S 15th St, Philadelphia, PA 19102, west facade of City Hall.

The Philadelphia Boys Choir will start the festivities with a performance. Speakers will include Mayor Jim Kenney; Independence Blue Cross President and CEO Dan Hilferty; WPVI-TV/6abc President and General Manager Bernie Prazenica; and Center City District President Paul R. Levy.
This is the second year for the Deck the Hall Light Show, which has been expanded and improved to make it even more vibrant this year. The shows will start every evening at 5:30 p.m, every hour on the half hour, through Tuesday, January 1, 2019, with extended showings on weekends and holidays.

The show is the newest amenity to Dilworth Park's winter season, which also includes the Rothman Orthopaedics Ice Rink, Rothman Orthopaedics Cabin, Wintergarden, and Made in Philadelphia Holiday Market.

For more, visit


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Binghamton police have arrested two suspects in connection with an armed robbery at the Price Chopper store on the city's West Side.

The heist at 10 Glenwood Avenue was reported around 11:05 p.m. Monday.

Authorities said two teenagers entered the store with one displaying what appeared to be a black handgun to a woman employee. The suspects left the store with some fireworks taken from a display.

Detective Captain John Ryan said police located the two suspects about an hour later. They were at a residence at 49 Orton Avenue, about two blocks from the store.

Ryan said the suspects have been charged with first-degree robbery. He said 18-year-old Andrew Daniels Jr., who lives at the Orton Avenue home, was arraigned in Binghamton City Court. He was being held at Broome County Jail without bail.

The other suspect is a 14-year-old boy, whose name was not released. His case will be handled by family court.

Contact WNBF News reporter Bob Joseph:

For breaking news and updates on developing stories, follow @BinghamtonNow on Twitter.


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Inspire Perfume Eau De Parfum by Ellen Tracy |

Ellen Tracy Fragrances

Inspire Perfume

Eau De Parfum for Women

SKU/Item Number: INS24
UPC: 766124743109

Type: Perfume & Cologne

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Inspire gives a TRUE sense of sensual inspiration and sets a lasting impression on others compels them to look back to the person wearing it by deeply inhaling and chasing their eyes. This pure feminine is a symbol of beauty, style, seduction, intimacy and affection. This brings out a real woman from inside with a touch of delicacy, softness, deep sensations and love.

Recommended Use: daytime

Made in: Germany

Scent: fresh greens and fruit, with base notes of musk.

The Lasting Appeal of Ellen Tracy

Women looking for career clothes at prices that are easy on the pocketbook know the name Ellen Tracy. This brand has that rare blend of affordable and sophisticated that is impossible to resist. Since the brand’s debut in the 1960s, it has spread throughout the United States and Canada, going from a designer of women’s shirts to a designer of leather wear, eyewear, scarves, fragrances, and so much more.

Who is Ellen Tracy?

Before there was Ellen Tracy, there was Herbert Gallen. He created a company to manufacture women’s blouses in 1949. The business did well enough, but it didn’t actually boom until he hired the young college graduate Linda Allard in 1962. She started as a de... Read more about Ellen Tracy

Men's products by Ellen Tracy:
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At, customer service is our top priority. That's why we offer free shipping on all orders within the continental United States - no minimum purchase necesary!

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To add to our commitment of providing topmost care to all of you, we also offer free returns on all domestic orders! That's right - if you're unhappy with your order, give us a call and we'll square out the details!

We can be reached by phone at +1 (732) 792 1383 during regular business hours: 9am - 5pm EST.

99Perfume Product Guarantee

All of the products we sell here at, as well as all of our partner sites, are 100% authentic, original products manufactured by the original designer. We only carry genuine brandname perfumes & colognes – absolutely no imitations, knock-offs or "versions" of any fragrances. Please note that we are not the manufacturer of any of the products we carry.

We are not responsible for any inadvertent typographical errors or inaccuracies within in this website. The information, prices, and discounts detailed are subject to change without notice.

Please also note that product pictures may vary. On occasion, the designer may change the packaging but not the formulation of a product or fragrance. If any discrepancies are noted, please contact our customer service line for verification of the actual description or imagery.

We're sorry, an ingredients list is not available for this product yet. If you would like to know the ingredients for Ellen Tracy Inspire, feel free to reach out to us via email and we will attempt to procure them for you!

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ESPN's Karl Ravech is reporting that the latest proposal from Major League Baseball owners to the MLB Players Association is for 76 regular season games that would call for 75% prorated salaries and and end to the season on Halloween night.

Baseball's owners and players have been at odds as to how to restart the 2020 season after the coronavirus pandemic shut everything down in Mid-March.  Baseball's current Collective Bargaining Agreement expires after the 2021 season.

A potentially altered playoff format is still to be determined.  There's been talk of an expansion to the playoffs for this season only.


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Dell 20″ LED-Backlit Widescreen LCD Display for $100 + free shipping

Dell Home offers the Dell 20″ LED-Backlit Widescreen LCD Monitor, model no. IN2020M, for $99.99 with free shipping. That’s the lowest total price we could find by $30, although we saw it bundled with a $25 gift card for $10 more two weeks ago (since expired). Sales tax is added where applicable. Features include a 1600×900 native resolution, 8,000,000:1 dynamic contrast ratio, 250 cd/m² brightness, 5ms response time, and DVI and VGA inputs.

FTC: We use income earning auto affiliate links. More.

Subscribe to the 9to5Toys YouTube Channel for all of the latest videos, reviews, and more!

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Amsterdam Sightseeing Bike Tour – A-Bike Rental & Tours
//Amsterdam Sightseeing Bike Tour

Amsterdam Sightseeing Bike Tour

 22.50 /Per Day

60 minutes

Incl. guide

Incl. bike

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Departure date and time

With the Amsterdam City Bike Tour, you experience all the highlights of Amsterdam in the space of one hour. By visiting the places and buildings that are most unique to Amsterdam, you will simultaneously learn about the history and about contemporary life in this bustling city. While you’re cycling, don’t forget to look around you and enjoy all the surprises that come your way! And you will never run the risk of missing the Amsterdam City Bike Tour, because you can join a tour every hour between 1PM and 4PM, seven days a week.

From Golden Age…

The Amsterdam City Bike Tour starts at the A-Bike shop close to the Dam Square. After we finish perfectly adjusting your bike to your height, you will set off with your local guide. Together, you will visit all of Amsterdam’s highlights. One of the stops is Dam Square, the very place where Amsterdam was born in the 13th century. What began as a village surrounding a dam in the Amstel river developed into an important trade city in the following centuries. And of course, the highlight was the Golden Age. In the 17th century, Amsterdam blossomed more than ever before. Many of the stunning canal houses were built in that period. While cycling along the Herengracht, you really get the feeling that you’re roaming around 17th century Amsterdam.

….to the age of the selfie

The Golden Age not only brought us these palatial canal houses, but it also produced some of the most famous artists of that time. Rembrandt van Rijn, Johannes Vermeer and Frans Hals were all Dutch 17th century artists. For art lovers – both of modern and of 17th century art – the Museumplein (Museum Square) is the place to be. The three most famous museums on this square don’t only boast a unique collection of art, but also each have their own remarkable architectural structure. And what’s more, you can find the iconic I Amsterdam sign on the Museumplein. It’s the perfect spot for an authentic Amsterdam selfie.

Set off with a cheerful guide

Our A-Bike guides will give their all to make sure that you and your group have an enjoyable bike tour. Don’t hesitate to tell your guide if the tour is going too fast for you, or if you would like some additional information. The fun facts that you will bring home with you after this tour might be even better than the souvenirs you’ll pick up along the way. For example, did you know that Amsterdam has more bicycles than inhabitants (834.000 inhabitants versus 881.000 bikes)? Who knows what other fun facts your guide will share with you!

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About A Runny Egg On Top

As a happily married mom of three teenagers/young adults, our home is always full of friends and family. I have found that many kids and adults rush off to school and work without a good wholesome breakfast – leading to less energy/focus at school/work and longer term health issues. This site focuses on thinking of meals, especially breakfast, in an adventurous way – beyond sugary cereals and just add hot water oatmeal! My hope is that others will change how they think about breakfast and take the challenge to try something new while enjoying some good music to set their spirit and soul in a great mood all day!


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We aim to deliver all orders placed before 1:30pm (Mon-Thurs) by next working day.
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Cask Dip Rod - Lay down

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£13.95 +VAT ( £16.74   inc VAT)

The Cask Dip Rod is designed to enable the user to establish the remaining contents of a cask which is in use.

The Cask Dip Rod is calibrated to enable you to establish the contents of those lying or upright casks.

Each Facet Of The Cask Dip Rod body depicts the scale for a different size of cask and the Cask Dip Rod is coated in black lacquer with each of the calibrations picked out in white.

Be sure to order the correct Cask Dip Rod.

The laydown is for casks which are being stillaged in the normal way and the Upright is for casks stillage on their end using an ale extractor.

We also offer a flexible version of the "Laydown" Cask Dip Rod designed for checking casks on tiered racking.

Please contact us for bulk orders we can offer discounted prices.

We aim to deliver all ordersplaced before 2pm by the next working day. Should you require guaranteed next day/Saturday deliveryplease call us for prices on 01952 412000.


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Microsoft one ups Google+ for photos

Just got the latest update for the OneDrive app and saw the new tags section that tries to classify photos automatically based on content. Tags range from #building to #group. It is reasonably accurate too, though I don’t take too kindly to baby photos being tagged #dog & #animal. Either ways, good to see a feature like this make it to an app rather than having a research lab project having its thunder stolen by a competitor’s published app (Hyperlapse from Instagram did pretty much this).


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Work on Butter Cross

Published 9 November 2011

The Parish Council has been advised by Staffordshire County Council that some remedial work is needed on the repairs to the Butter Cross carried out during 2010.

Working in conjunction with English Heritage, the County Council maintenance consultants have decided that some of the applied panels have shrunk excessively. These will be replaced by new air-dried oak to improve the appearance of the Butter Cross.

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Meteorologist Travis Herzog visits the St. Jerome Bulldogs in Spring Branch

HOUSTON (KTRK) -- Meteorologist Travis Herzog took his weather safety message to the St. Jerome Bulldogs of Spring Branch on Wednesday, October 10th.

Travis visited St. Jerome Catholic School in Spring Branch where the 5th through 8th grade students learned how to stay safe from hurricanes, flash floods, and tornadoes. He thanks Ms. Buck for inviting him to teach weather safety to the students, and he hopes the students continue to spread the weather safety messages they learned!
Copyright © 2020 KTRK-TV. All Rights Reserved.


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History, Research, and Current Themes

"The world needed John Brown and John Brown came, and time will do him justice." Frederick Douglass (1886)

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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Contagious Example

"Captain John Brown, the 'marching-on Brown,' once said to Emerson that 'for a settler in a new country, one good believing man is worth a hundred, nay, worth a thousand men without character.' His example is so contagious, that all other men are directly and beneficially influenced by him, and he insensibly elevates and lifts them up to his own standard of energetic activity."
Excerpt from anonymous author, “Companionship and Example” (1884), transcribed on the website, Old and Sold: Over 35,000 Scholarly Articles.

Image: John Brown in Hudson, Ohio.  Daguerreotype made in late 1856 by an unknown photographer.  According to documentarian Jean Libby, it is a sixth plate daguerreotype (mirror view).  It is held in the Boston Atheneum (UTB-6, 5.4 broj (no. 1).  See Jean Libby, John Brown Photo Chronology: Catalogue of the Exhibition at Harpers Ferry 2009 (Palo Alto, Calif.: Allies for Freedom, 2009), pages 32-33.

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Tuesday - November 24, 2020

Articles Written By EmyTaylor

Uruguay: Smoke Up!

May 28th, 2017

I bet if you were asked what country was the first to legalize cannabis from production to consumption, you probably would not think, “duh, Uruguay!” But it’s true. Although recreational drug consumption has never been outlawed in this open minded, liberal country, the cultivation and sale of cannabis remained forbidden. This month, however, pot smokers in Uruguay became the first in the world to sign up to buy state-produced weed for recreational use. How the law works is somewhat fascinating. Legal marijuana will only be available at pharmacies. Those wanting to purchase legal cannabis... Read More

The Justice Safety Valve Act: “Blunting” Jeff Sessions

May 18th, 2017

We have a cat fight, folks! Meow! Remember last week when Attorney General Jeff Sessions lowered a cloud of despair across the country with his revival of the War on Drugs? Well, a bipartisan, forward thinking group in Congress have introduced legislation to counteract Sessions. Let’s discuss. Our regressive Attorney General directed federal prosecutors to charge people with the most serious provable offenses to trigger mandatory minimum sentences. As we’ve discussed, these sentences provide for “one-size-fits-all” sentences of pre-determined lengths. They fail to consider the individual... Read More

Alabama-Born Attorney General Can’t Let the Tide “ROLL”

May 11th, 2017

As of this week, Vermont became the first state legislature to pass a bill to legalize recreational marijuana. That may be surprising to you, since eight other states currently have legal recreational weed. The difference? Those states passed public ballot initiatives. So, if signed by Republican Governor Phil Scott, Vermont will remove penalties for possessing one ounce of marijuana or less and allow adults to keep two mature plants. Ahhh, so nice to see a legislature opening its eyes to reasonable drug policy. Alas, in the same week of continued progress at the state level, “Debbie Downer”... Read More

If There’s Smoke, You’re Fired!

May 4th, 2017

Before I get too far with this blog entry, I want to clarify at the outset that I’m only discussing the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Multiple states have additional laws in place to provide more encompassing employee protections. I am also not talking about people showing up to work stoned. With those caveats, let’s learn a little weed law. The ADA prohibits employers from discriminating against employees due to a disability. A disability is a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities.  Employers are required to provide reasonable accommodations... Read More

April 28th, 2017

The countdown is on. Funding for the federal government runs out at midnight tonight. Will our broken Congress be able to agree on a new spending bill in time? Or, is Attorney General Jeff Sessions about to be green-lighted to get out his shotgun “Granny-style” on the doorsteps of medical marijuana shops? I see the confusion brewing. Let me explain why this spending bill has anything to do with legalized medical marijuana. In a nutshell, when the government’s funding ends, all non-essential government operations and agencies are suspended until a new budget is approved. By “non-essential”... Read More

Weed Law 101; Part 3: WEED GOT “NIXED”

April 20th, 2017

To all our readers, happy 4/20! According to today’s CBS poll, 61% of America wants marijuana legalized. Happy 4/20, indeed. I’m excited to get back into another installment of Weed Law 101. As indicated in prior blogs, U.S. officials have been informed time and time again through scientific and objective studies that marijuana is not a “gateway drug”, does not cause violence, and does not induce addiction. Yet, federal policy has fluctuated greatly between being very strict to quite relaxed on cannabis. Why such inconsistency? The answer to that is not due to new revelations about the... Read More

Weed Law 101, Part 2: Congressional Whiplash

April 13th, 2017

BREAKING: This just in. The city of Dallas, Texas – yes, Texas – voted yesterday to relax penalties for marijuana possession. This “cite and release” ordinance provides that anyone caught with possession of less than four ounces of pot will receive a ticket but will not be arrested. Baby steps in the land of some seriously whack-a-doo right wingers. Big congrats to my home town! Now back to our regularly scheduled program: Weed Law 101, Part 2: Congressional Whiplash. As we learned in Part 1, the federal government used racial fear and prejudice to first criminalize marijuana in 1937.... Read More

Congress, Stop Bogarting! Pass the Laws!

April 6th, 2017

Last week began a multi-part series explaining the United States’ colorful history with marijuana law. That endeavor will be continued next time, as I would be remiss not to mention that at the end of last week, a flurry of marijuana-related bills were introduced into Congress. If you have been following along, you know that in week two of this blog, I explained legislation was introduced into the House that would remove cannabis from the list of federally controlled substances.  Removing weed from federal criminal jurisdiction does not give the federal government a bite at revenue from the... Read More

Weed Law 101

March 30th, 2017

Part 1: Blame It On Mexico Marijuana law and policy is complicated. As with all political issues, understanding where we have been historically is crucial to deciding where we should go. A little history helps put things in perspective and contributes to crafting reasonable drug laws. I present to you the first installment of Weed Law 101. This country’s on and off again love affair with cannabis started long before this nation was formed. Beginning as early as the 1600s, North American settlers encouraged hemp production for the manufacture of rope, sails, and clothing. (By hemp, I mean the... Read More

Ridin’ High?

March 23rd, 2017

When we talk about policy changes regarding legalization of marijuana, there are always people that immediately go into “reefer-madness-code-red-alert!” mode out of concern for driver safety. Telling them to take a hit and calm down goes over like a lead balloon. So instead, let’s talk facts and be reasonable. Marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol and, like alcohol, the deterrent effect of a DUI arrest applies. In the first large-scale controlled study of drug and alcohol crash risk by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, there is no significant increased crash risk associated... Read More

Congress, Can’t We All Get “A-Bong?”

March 16th, 2017

Remember last week when we discussed how, in contrast to President Obama, the Trump administration may be enforcing federal marijuana laws, regardless of legalization at the state level? Well, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said that if Congress did not like his hardline approach towards criminalizing marijuana, they should change the law. That sounds like a threat. There is no doubt we have reached a virtual weed watershed. Twenty-eight states have decriminalized marijuana, and 8 states, plus D.C., are permitting anyone over 21 to toke up. According to the latest Quinnipiac National Poll, 70... Read More

“Joint” Sessions Trumped?

March 9th, 2017

Welcome to “Habeas Cannabis: Lawyer Blows Smoke,” a blog where cannabis laws and related political issues will be discussed. For clarity’s sake, I disagree with any intrusion by the federal government into the legalization of marijuana at the state level. That said, there is nowhere to begin without first asking, what will be the Trump Administration’s federal policy regarding state legalized marijuana? Let’s start by unpacking what we know so far. Trump has ensured, without elaboration, that he is dedicated to bringing “law and order” to our inner cities. Meanwhile, Attorney General... Read More


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7.3. Understanding the pkispawn Utility

In Red Hat Certificate System, you set up the individual public key infrastructure (PKI) subsystems using the pkispawn utility. During the setup, pkispawn:
  1. Reads the default values from the /etc/pki/default.cfg file. For further details, see the pki_default.cfg(5) man page.

    Do not edit the /etc/pki/default.cfg file. Instead, create a configuration file and that overrides the defaults, and pass it to the pkispawn utility. For details about using a configuration file, see Section 7.7, “Two-step Installation”.
  2. Uses the passwords and other deployment-specific information provided depending on the setup mode:
    • Interactive mode: The user is asked for the individual settings during the setup. Use this mode for simple deployments.
    • Batch mode: The values are read from a configuration file the user provides. Parameters not set in the configuration file use the defaults.
  3. Performs the installation of the requested PKI subsystem.
  4. Passes the settings to a Java servlet that performs the configuration based on the settings.
Use the pkispawn utility to install:

See Section 7.4, “Setting Up a Root Certificate Authority” on how to set up a root CA using the pkispawn utility. For a setup of a subordinate CA or non-CA subsystems, see Section 7.8, “Setting up Subsystems with an External CA”.
For further information about pkispawn and examples, see the pkispawn(8) man page.


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Order “Play That Rock ‘n’ Roll” on vinyl!

Vinyl orders include digital download card plus 2 bonus Supersuckers stickers while they last!

“…Eleven tracks of bruising, bong-ripping brutality and bliss. Supersuckers have made 2020’s first mighty marijuana rock album for super-stoners.” —

Looking for “Suck It.” on vinyl?

“Suck It.” is also available through Acetate Records in limited edition white or orange vinyl.

“We’ve finally become the band that we’ve always threatened to be,” says singer-bassist Eddie Spaghetti, calling, as ever, from the road. With the Supersucker odometer clicking on three decades this very year, the self-proclaimed Greatest Rock n’ Roll Band in the World is marking the occasion with a loud, resounding Suck It. Off the blocks, this 12th studio album from the band showcases a ruthless, get-it-done trio that sounds rebuilt from Motorhead parts, with a singer-bassist transmuting Lemmy’s mojo to rasp “You said to grab it / Just hook or stab it / And now I gotta have it – All of the time.”

“Once we tapped into that vibe, we really ran with it,” Eddie says of All the Time, which opens an album he and core ‘Suckers Marty Chandler (guitar) and Chris Von Streicher (drums) recorded early this year at Bismeaux Studio in Austin, TX, cutting all ten tracks in four days. “And it sounds great,” says Eddie. “There’s not a lick I wish we could have back.”

One upside to putting 30 years of work in: You get better. One downside: Few around you do. The History of Rock n’ Roll begins by lamenting a key knowledge gap among youngsters: “The difference between what sucks and what’s good” – going on to illustrate the latter with an exuberant chorus: “Like Rocket From The Crypt / And the New Bomb Turks / Let’s hear it for the Hangmen / Yeah they know how it works…” The list goes on: “How ’bout Zen Guerrilla man / They were fucking killer / And I am just amazed / Every time I see the Bell Rays.” In the tradition of “Dancing in the Streets” or “Land of 1,000 Dances,” the rhyming list song flips a crank’s tirade into a roll call of fallen heroes: “Don’t forget Danko and the Didjits / And the motherfucking Dwarves man / Yeah the Dwarves!” Eddie Spaghetti says it’s all from the heart. “I had the line in my head for a long time – ‘a footnote to an anecdote in the history of Rock n’ Roll,'” he recalls. “I’m happy it came off snarky and crotchety but at the same time, celebratory about all these great bands that I really love, wish everybody else loved, and get bent out of shape that they don’t.”

By rights, Eddie Spaghetti should be way more than bent out of shape. Three years ago, he packed his wife Jessica, their sons Quattro and Zeke, and daughter Elvis into an SUV pulling a 29-foot Argosy Airstream, setting out from Seattle to spend a year as a family on the road – a year that was ended eight days later by a patch of black ice in Oklahoma. “That turned everything upside down,” Eddie says of the crash, which was swiftly followed by a diagnosis of throat cancer and put the uninsured sometime country singer on a blue-collar trajectory from trailer to ICU room in just under six months. With his family living out of a minivan, Eddie got treated at City of Hope in Los Angeles, spending four days intubated and another six months fed by a tube before clawing his way back to Rock n’ Roll. “I’m back, for sure,” he says now. “It was a rough one though.”

Since this is the first batch of Supersuckers released since then, some come from genuine darkness. “Everything happens for a reason” begins the track Dead Inside. “What a stupid thing to say.” Four-on-the-floor cowbell and singsong chorus turn this telegram from the abyss into what Eddie rightly calls “a pop song. Back when bands used to have hits, this one could totally be a hit.” The Worst Thing Ever describes the bottom in these same straight-shooting terms, the kind you hear throughout the Supersuckers oeuvre-giddily trashy paeans to hooch, Satan, or deviant sex in offhandedly-witty light verse.

This has been more or less their métier since the group of high school buddies from Tucson first moved to Seattle in 1990, signing with Sub Pop and becoming grunge’s sole country-music dabblers, going so far as to back up Willie Nelson on the Tonight Show. On Suck It, Eddie’s forays into country are reflected solely in the bluesy nod of Cold, Wet Wind. Otherwise, their expansive hardcore-band aesthetic came through time-tested Supersucker methodology: “writing songs in hotel rooms, dirty back stages, and all the shitholes we always play.” says Eddie, whose fleet pen and nimble wit aren’t to be overlooked—the gifts of a NSFW James Thurber or an inhalant-abusing Dorothy Parker.

“If somebody is a carpenter for 30 years, they’re gonna be a fucking good carpenter, you know?” says Eddie. “So it shouldn’t be such a surprise that a band just gets better over time and I really genuinely believe that we have,” he says. And near-death experiences aside, Eddie says “It’s really sort of a miracle. I mean, who does anything for 30 years anymore?” On this summer’s 30th-anniversary tour, the band will play songs from Suck It, some country faves, and two of their Sub Pop records in its entirety.

As a whole, Suck It brings to mind that old friend who’s awesome to hang out with even if his life is in the shitter. “I tend to do my best work when I’m feeling good,” Eddie says. “I don’t tend to channel dark stuff into my Rock n’ Roll, but it makes for a more interesting record. I’ve come to realize what we do is not for everyone, but I still feel like we have hit songs. This one sounds like it’s coming from dudes in their 50s who’ve been doing it for a long time and have this stupid hope that someday somebody will hear our song and make it popular like it oughta be. Because that is the truth.”


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Review | ABC airs new political drama series

Courtesy Image.

Ranger Rating

By ELIZABETH MOORE, Ranger Reporter

REVIEW: Not everyone is prepared for a promotion. In the new TV series Designated Survivor, the main character finds himself thrust into the role of president of the United States.

It’s a scary concept: every year at the State of the Union address, one cabinet member does not attend and instead relocates to an undisclosed location. In the case of a catastrophic attack on the White House, that person becomes the president. He is called the designated survivor.

Back on our TV screens after 24, Kiefer Sutherland stars as Tom Kirkman. We start off with Kirkman sitting in a safe room with his wife watching President Richmond give his State of the Union address at the Capitol when the signal cuts out. The Secret Service runs in as the TVs cut to a news report saying there has been an explosion at or around the Capitol Building, which prompts Kirkman to run to the window. Outside he sees a giant ball of flames and smoke rising in the distance, which we can only assume is the Capitol Building. That’s only the beginning of an hourlong ride of yelling, fighting and trying to decide what move to make next as Kirkman struggles to decide what his first move as acting president of the United States of America will be.

We get to see the realizations affect him and his whole family, from his wife to his two children. His wife seems calm about the fact that her husband just became president, and it doesn’t hit her how it affects her as well until she’s called the first lady.

After listening to another White House employee, the president’s speech writer, talk about how “Kirkland should just step down” because he doesn’t believe that he’s cut out for the job or that he’s a memorable person given that he can’t get his name correct, Kirkman seems to get his footing and settles into the position that was thrust upon him not even an hour earlier. From calming down a table, to giving orders, he slowly seems to find his place in the White House before the episode is over. The show has the beginnings of becoming a phenomenal political drama mixed with the added spice of suspense. It’s “The West Wing” meets “Homeland.”

As someone who enjoys learning more about politics, I liked learning a new fact about our government. Before seeing the previews for the show, I never knew about the designated survivor. Tom Kirkman was the secretary of housing and urban development, which is 13th in the presidential line of succession, surprisingly beating out the department of homeland security, at 18.

I’d give this show 4.5/5 stars. It had a few moments that were hard to believe, but it’s easy to just get caught up in the show because of how action-packed it is. You can catch Designated Survivor every Wednesday on ABC at 10/9c.

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CSMTACanadian Sport Massage Therapists Association
CSMTAConnecticut State Music Teachers Association
CSMTAColorado State Music Teachers Association
Copyright 1988-2018 AcronymFinder.com, All rights reserved.
References in periodicals archive ?
CSMTA was founded in 1959 by independent teachers dedicated to the advancement of music and the growth of young musicians within the state.
A former Colorado resident, Pieffer has been a member of CSMTA for a number of years, maintaining her membership after moving to Washington.
Elizabeth Lauer, CSMTA commissioned composer, premiered her piano work, "Carousel Variations," at the state convention.


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Week 18 – Marble the Revolution

by H D Thompson

The first day of 2018 was spent pretty much as any other – hungover on a couch watching a movie, nestled between two snuggling couples on either side of me, hugging empty pizza boxes. All was well with the world.

Rachel and I went to check out the miniature village in Hamburg. Being tall, it seemed to me no different to any other city really, but it was nice to see Rachel, much smaller, wandering streets closer to her size. Part of me wanted to crush it all like Godzilla, but I knew that just wouldn’t be cricket. Best miniatures I found were:

  • A couple fucking in a field of sunflowers
  • Dead bodies, all of them, of which there were a lot
  • A miniature dog sniffing the miniature arsehole of another miniature dog
  • A dude reposed on a blanket, sunning himself with a beer, inexplicably on top of a tree
  • A lady who had won the lottery, who, when activated with a button, danced around with joy

Let it be known that I died at Hamburg airport. My greasy corpse may continue to wander around but my soul left my body and dissipated while getting intensely patted down at security and being asked what was in my jeans and having to explain that I hadn’t been touched like that in a long time and I was so very, very sorry and mortified.

Flying into the UK I was looking forward to spending time in the first country since I left Australia that speaks English, a break from the constant language barriers. After my first conversation with a local in Glasgow, I realised that I was wrong.

I find the dynamic of hostel dorm rooms really interesting. As in, people stay in larger dorms because they are cheaper and you trade in privacy for a few bucks, but in a large dorm of say ten people, no one really speaks to each other and goes about their business because there’s just too many people to engage with and it kind of ends up being more private, in a weird way. In a smaller four person dorm, people seem to bond more, finding comfort in their assigned crew, making plans and saying goodnight/morning, sharing stories of their lives, and I find it far more invasive than a larger more soulless dorm. The guys in my dorm were all very close. The day I arrived the room smelled heavily of dude. Like, that mix of dollar store deodorant, hangovers, and balls. The guy I was replacing in the room had apparently spent the previous night vomiting in the one sink we had and maintenance men had to plunge it clean, taking hours to do so. The boys had their own group going, but I refused to join in, which made me the pariah of the group, but I didn’t at all mind because if there was a vacancy for the vomiting loser who couldn’t even make it to the toilet I didn’t want to be considered.

One guy in my dorm, older/Canadian/possibly insane(speaks in tongues in his sleep and once mentioned how “Geoff” had drunkenly bought McDonald’s back the night before even though he had been the one who stumbled in with the bag and his name is not Geoff), kept talking to me about hockey. After the first long conversation about hockey, I had to say how I didn’t at all care about hockey and he cut me off and said in all sincerity, “please, no one else will listen”. My gut told me to tell him that was not my problem, but my heart hurt from how sad such a plea was, so I let him badger on. Also, I just feel like it’s important to keep the crazies on side.

In the Kelvingrove art gallery and museum, I came across a plaque mounted on the wall that said simply, “Clay the life. Plaster the death. Marble the revolution”. I love this idea, not only is it suggesting that the revolution is stronger and lasting, but also much more fabulous.

I came across the Hunterian Zoology Museum in the Glasgow University, which I assume is not frequented by that many visitors, despite being open to the public, because as I told the guy at the reception of my desire to check it out, his response was, “…really?”.

I discovered a friend of mine, Simon, was living in Glasgow and had the opportunity to hang out with him. We devised a plan to hire a car and drive around the Highlands for a couple of days, as he had yet to check it out either. Luckily for us, the two days Scotland was graced with sunlight was, in fact, the two days we were there.

Fuck the fucking Highlands and their fucking bullshit beauty like people talk about it but I mean come the fuck on that shit just keeps going and going you think one thing is the most fucking insanely incredible thing you’ve ever seen then you drive a hundred god damned metres down the road and bam you’re turkey slapped in the fucking face again with the perfect cock of Scotland the fucking mountains and the valleys and the lochs I mean fuck I got some kind of damned Loch jaw from being exasperated by it all by the time we got home we were fucking exhausted and overwhelmed and broken. Taking in the Scottish Highlands is like being repeatedly pounded by the crew of a naval ship made up entirely of models.

Driving past Loch Ness at night was an experience like no other. The moon hanging in the cold, cloudless sky littered below by the lights of the houses that peppered the landscape, the water of the lake shimmering in splendour, me driving around the winding roads getting blown to the gods by Simon in the passenger seat. Really, just top notch. Very recommended.

We ate at a diner attached to a shop called The Green Welly, which is hands down my new favourite eatery in the world based almost exclusively on name alone.

Driving around in snowy landscape is otherworldly beautiful, but fucking terrifying. I attempted to stop on a plateau overlooking yet another perfect view and the car slid and scattered about and I absolutely thought we were going to slide off the edge and fall into the beauty and die. Luckily, I got the traction back and got the fuck out of there, vowing to never drive on white-blanketed roads ever again.

We stayed a night in Inverness, which is apparently the capital of the Highlands. As it was a Saturday night, we went online to find out if there was a local gay bar to check out. The first article that came up had the headline “Inverness is a gay-phobic place. That’s why young people leave”, so we made mulled wine and watched Golden Girls.

I have never felt more like a tourist than one early morning in the highlands when I was frantically scraping at the ice on my car windows with my fingernails like a crazy person. After the deed was done, the car looked as though it was attacked by bears.

Shout out to the lady who helped me get a refund on the shit-tonne of extras that were charged to my card at the rental place when I returned the car. She got in trouble from her supervisor for it and she deserves a fucking kingdom for her efforts. Death to the bubbly chick who tried to swindle me though, I hope her cunt falls out.

I managed to scam my way into a free (usually very overpriced) breakfast at the hostel. It’s not much, but a victory for the little people is a victory for us all.

While killing time in Glasgow before heading off to Edinburgh, I decided to get a tattoo or two. Emerging from the parlour, the sun was shining and I felt fresh and new. I took not six steps and stood at a crossing when a woman said to me, “Excuse me, but there’s some trash on your head”.

Headed to Edinburgh after Glasgow, and luckily for me, I got to stay with my friend Charlotte who was living there now. That I somehow have managed to see so many people I know on this trip is bafflingly excellent. She picked me up and her boyfriend Paul made us a roast dinner and we drank and were merry. Their apartment came with a list of excellent rules, including overly elaborate instructions for the shower, a lock that unlocks the opposite way to every other lock in existence, and my personal favourite, “if you don’t remember to bolt lock this door when you shut it behind you, the old man will come for you”. Part of me wanted to not bolt the door and let this mysterious man come for me, as part of my revolution marblement, but I’m just a guest and yield such little power.