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Chuck vs Bo (5.10)

Okay this is important because, you guessed it, we’re now up to the episode with the shortest title of the entire series…

Hmmm.  Or how about the beginning of the finale arc?  That sounds better.  Bo introduces us to Nicholas Quinn, revisits Morgansect, and features those dreaded words; “One last mission”.

After the jump, we’ll discuss the start of the finale arc.

I have to admit I was not looking forward to this one.  Not that Bo is a bad episode.  It ranked at 48 on our overall poll, so most viewers rank it as average.  I might rank it lower, but still in that average sort of range.  No, I wasn’t looking forward to this one because we are now in the home stretch of this re-watch. And even though I’m an optimist where the finale is concerned, I still don’t particularly want to go through it again.

As far as Bo itself is concerned, its harmless enough.  Like most average (ish) episodes there is good and bad here.  What I call bad here I’m sure will surprise no one; I really don’t care for the trashier aspects of this episode.  Way too much smutty humor involving Bo Derek and rainbows; and none of that is really my sort of thing.

A lot of what’s good in this episode is very good.  Just like last week I like the “B” plot with Jeff and Lester quite a lot.  Even when they’re being clever, they’re still morons.  At least they’re funny morons in this episode.  I love the Vail Buy More, very funny in a Twilight Zone sort of way.  Especially Big Michelle and the manager’s safe.  This may be the funniest incarnation of the Morgansect of the entire season, especially how clueless Morgan is about how much of an idiot he was!  “Don’t trust Bo Derek” was laugh out loud funny; and it was funny when she was being interrogated and Chuck observed what a talkative sort she was.

This is also when we meet Quinn.  All things considered I felt he was an acceptable villain.  Not as much fun as some, but plenty menacing.  As mentioned in a previous write up, I would have been fine with him being tied into the earlier conspiracy as the ringleader.  I think they sort of missed an opportunity by not doing so.  He definitely worked better as a villainous mastermind for me than Shaw did.

As is so often the case, the real highlight of this episode is Sarah.  This episode and Bullet Train have her at the pinnacle of her growth as a character. She has not only embraced the idea of having kids, she’s also got a plan for a safer future, specifically to raise a family.  This is just beautiful growth from a favorite character.  And she’s so much fun as she sets out to accomplish her plan.  I particularly like the team meeting including her new Chief Googler, and her happy excitement as she is up all night planning at the end.

Which leads to the hardest part of this episode.  It will all come crashing down.  The final action sequence is fun.  And its impressive as I remember the interview were it was claimed they had a stunt double on set for Sarah’s big scene, and they didn’t use her.  Nice.  But this is truly the beginning of the end.  All will never be right again for our favorite team and couple.  Even if we assume all is well at the end, and I do, we will never see it. So this episode has a lot of baggage for me.  Its an average one that I really didn’t look forward to watching.  Even if I can laugh and enjoy myself through so much of it.

 ~ Dave

Three Sarahs

Bo Derek, not so bad guy.

Bo Derek, not so bad guy.

I really want to ditto Dave here. I too wasn’t particularly eager to re-visit Chuck vs. Bo and pretty much for the same reason. It’s truly the beginning of the end, so much so, in fact, that I dislike seeing Nicholas Quinn’s (Angus MacFadyen) face on screen.

Sorry ’bout that, Mr. MacFadyen. Fact is, even I can see that you’ve done a great job as “the bad guy” here. There’s menacing and there’s insane and Quinn is both. Appearing insane is the way, it’s said, that (the then) Cassius Clay defeated Sonny Liston in February of ’64. Clay/Ali convinced the former inmate that he was the one kind of person every prisoner is taught to avoid, a raving lunatic. Clay ranted convincingly in front of cameras to prove it too. That was a very good idea and well executed. But because I know what’s coming, I hate seeing it personified in Quinn, the man originally tapped by the CIA to be The Intersect.

I’m also a bit mixed about that last idea. Having Quinn appear essentially out of nowhere and inserted into the Intersect mythology at this late date seemed a bit forced even on first viewing. Not terribly so, mind you, and certainly the idea is no worse than any major introduction. But I must say it didn’t quite feel as seamless as was, say, the introduction of Ted Roark, who came along with Stephen, or Volkoff, who came along with Mary. But I can’t make too much of that. It’s minor.

Take a load off.

Take a load off.

There are, as Dave said, some great things about Bo, not the least of which is Jeff and Lester. Even at the beginning of the episode they are so close to the truth that it takes drastic measures by the now first-class spy team of Casey and Grimes to cover Chuck’s tracks. It’s necessary. Jeff and Lester don’t need the burden.

Vail Lester

Vail Lester

By the end of Bo Jeff is sufficiently frightened (yes, he can’t handle the truth!) and Lester sufficiently cowed that they are unlikely to cause more trouble – or want to. And that will protect them. Win-win.

Vail Jeff

Vail Jeff

Another win for this episode is, like Dave alluded, the Vail Buy More. Ya gotta love it. Having broken limbs is apparently a requirement to shop there. For my money, watching Ellie regress Morgan back to his youthful crush-stage was hilarious too.

Big Michelle

Big Michelle

Oh! Don’t forget that Yvonne the comedienne is allowed to strut her stuff in this episode too!

Chuck: Hi, Bo Derek. I’m Chuck. My name is Chuck. Really big, big fan. Just loved 10 so, so much.
Morgan: We really do.
Bo Derek: I know what you did with that poster.
Sarah: Ew!

Great timing. The biggest gift given to us by this episode, though, is something that I had to look hard for. In fact, I had to reconsider something I’ve long held to be true, which is really my excuse for not quite seeing it before. And that, dear readers, is this:

There are not, as I have always maintained, two Sarahs, the cold-school killer known as Agent Walker and the Sarah Walker who came into existence sometime after Chuck fixed her phone and before he defused a bomb with a computer virus. There are three and between you and me, I love Sarah Bartowski, wife, companion and hopefully, mother-to-be, most of all. That’s the Sarah who finally wants to leave spying behind and have a life as a real person.

Sarah: I just ran to the front door with a gun because I heard the newspaper being delivered.
Chuck: Yeah. Parents can’t be shooting their paperboy.
Sarah: Look. I’m a spy and that’s all I ever thought that I could be. But I realized that we don’t have to give up what we’ve already built.

Let me expand on that. We see Agent Walker only a few times, you know. In Chuck’s flash we see her killing French assassins, we see her shoot an unarmed Mauser, we see her gun down a table of Hungarian kidnappers (also assassins) before she met Chuck and we see her rampaging through Thailand in search of him later. Most everything else we know of Agent Walker is by reputation; she’s an ice-cold warrior, a wildcard, incapable of emotion. Or, at least, undeterred by emotion.

We see Sarah Walker much more often. She’s the one mostly fighting with Agent Walker to soften her position on the best way to execute the spy missions. She’s the one who, despite her training, calls Chuck “my guy” and yet points a gun at Casey with no intention of pulling the trigger. Maybe. She’s the protector whose worst nightmare is to see Chuck dropped from a roof top or blown up in a herder. Sarah Walker turns down offers of getaways with MI 6 heroes and with her best friend. She also admits to having issues and not being very good at relationships. There’s also the fact that she’s quite able to use a small truth to hide a bigger truth while being quite troubled by the implications of withholding from those for whom she cares.

I said that wrong. The agent isn’t separate and distinct from the protector. One person, Sarah, has grown and become more than she was to encompass both.

But there’s also Sarah Bartowski. Oh, there are hints all through season five; she’s the woman who feels very much at ease attending a Buy More convention with her husband, happy, even. Very briefly in Baby, much more in Kept Man and all the way through Bo, we see her, finally, as someone who looks forward to the future and wants, someday if not right this moment, to be the mother of Chuck’s children. This is a woman in love. Really, Agent Walker seems to be a distant memory.

Agent Walker makes a stand

Agent Walker makes a stand

Still, it’s not exactly right to say that the agent is gone. Instead, Sarah’s quite whole now. Agent Walker and Sarah Walker are still part of the woman as much as Sarah Bartowski is now (and in fact, it’s Agent Walker who makes the decision to put on those tainted Intersect glasses, I think). Yet, when all is said and done, it’s the whole person that makes Chuck vs. Bo worth watching. That’s who we wanted Sarah to be.

Complete. Whole.

Complete. Whole.

You can say much the same thing about Casey and about Chuck. The $12 an hour nerd-herder and Charles Carmichael are still there, but the person we see most is Bartowski, a devoted husband and a complete person. That’s quite a statement to make about a group of fictional characters. It’s also quite an unusual theme for a mere television show.

Take a load off, Fanny
Take a load for free
Take a load off, Fanny
And (and) (and) you put the load right on me
(You put the load right on me)

The sadness I experienced last week is even deeper this week, mostly because we’re getting closer to the end. But there’s one other reason. You can hear the anxiety in Chuck’s voice and in Sarah’s.

Chuck: It just seems like no matter what, the Intersect keeps finding me. I keep trying to break free and the very thing that started this keeps hooking us back in.
Sarah: Chuck, we’re gonna finish this, and we’re gonna move on, I promise you.

– joe

About atcDave

I'm 53 years old and live in Ypsilanti, Michigan. I'm happily married to Jodie. I've been an air traffic controller for 30 years; grew up in the Chicago area, and am still a fanatic for pizza and the Chicago Bears. My main interest is military history, and my related hobbies include scale model building and strategy games.
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43 Responses to Chuck vs Bo (5.10)

  1. anthropocene says:

    Hmm…no comments yet on “vs. Bo” in spite of the typically well-done analysis by Dave and joe? Since we’re at the start of the finale arc, I’m reminded that the sea typically recedes waaaay back before a big tsunami hits the shore….

    • atcDave says:

      It will be interesting to see what happens in the next couple weeks. First time through the traffic surrounding the finale was second only to the misery arc. But so far, this doesn’t bode well!

    • It’s weird. As much as I was looking forward to this arc, I feel like we’ve discussed these episodes so many times now. I still read the reviews, but it seems like once we get into the finale, the fans have split into three firm camps: love it, hate it, and didn’t like it, but came to grips. Not sure what’s left at this point.

      • atcDave says:

        Well I think you summed up three distinct viewpoints quite well! It seems a number of those who were unhappy with it have already voiced their intention to sit the re-watch out, and given how much traffic has dropped off abruptly they may be doing exactly that.

        Perhaps it will be like S3, and the alternatives posts will draw far more discussion than the the re-watch post. It will be interesting to see.

  2. Aplegat says:

    I feel very much like you do, Dave. I love the first scenes of the episode for Chuck and Sarah, and the way they break the news to Casey a moment later. I think the mug scene might be the second to last scene I watch when rewatching the series, as it pretty much goes downhill for me from this moment on; than cut through to the last scene on the beach, as it makes up for some of the disappointment the final episodes were to me.

  3. gatesoutcast says:

    I admit that when Chuck complained about the Intersect keeps finding him, I thought of the Godfather and Al Pacino. I did love the mixture of the Bo episode, humor, action, adventure, and the team of Casey, Chuck, and Sarah are solid. I thought Bo herself did a great job, but like the rest of you I knew what was coming, even the first time I was watching on Netflix, as a chatting nurse excited about the show was complaining how it ended.

  4. Bo is definitely one of my top 20-30 episodes. The idea of Bo Derk playing herself, and being a spy is just plain inspired, as is everything Chuck and Morgan do to play off it. I totally believe Chuck had her poster (and probably Fedak did too). All of the little details are plain hilarious: “Just gefilte fish curry, like always,” Morgan’s lip tattoo, his partying as the intersect while it’s supposed to be a secret, “aka Michael Carmichael, which is… ridiculous.” I’d call this easily the funniest episode of Chuck, until the twist!

    One of the review headlines I saw when this came out was something link “Funny, funny, funny… SHOCK!” and that’s a perfect way to describe it. I understand why people who don’t like the final arc wouldn’t like her getting the intersect, but at the time, it was an electrifying decision. Sarah is absolutely lethal, even more than usual, in that last scene, which couldn’t have been easy. As solid “A” episode.

  5. garnet says:

    I thank that most of our thoughts and feeling about the finale start from here. Sarah putting on the faulty glasses is clearly a bad thing. A minor quibble is that she didn’t seem to do anything out of the ordinary, for Agent Walker, after flashing. That makes the whole memory wipe a truly unfortunate incident. That being said, I think we all guessed that there were going to be memory issues popping up, but I, for one, had hoped for a Phase 3 type resolution rather than what we got.
    Although I am old enough to remember 10, and listening to Bolero has never been the same, I really find the idea of using BoDerek as herself a bit odd. I can’t recall any other character playing themselves on CHUCK. So why they chose to have her appear as herself is beyond me ( unless they thought the only way we would recognize her was by having her play herself). All in all an OK episode that is the setup for the final arc…

    • garnet says:

      that’s think. And they could have simply played on the fact that she looked like Bo.

      • First, Stan Lee plays himself. Second, for what its worth, I just finished watching through Chuck with somebody who hadn’t seen it before. The first thing she did after watching Bo was text me “Sarah with the intersect is AWESOME!!!”

      • John G. says:

        BAM! Garnet here echoes my thoughts when I re-watch this episode. Sarah could already do so many of the things the Intersect gave her. She can already fight, she can already shoot. In the next episode, she uses it to read Japanese – okay, hey, great. But the rest? She can already do it all. It doesn’t make any sense.
        Which touches back to the Season 4 episode, “Chuck vs. the A-Team” – when the Gretas have the Intersect, why does Vicki have to flash to shoot the guy (thus arming the nuke)? She’s a CIA Agent. They make everyone who enlists in the Army to be proficient with an M-16, even if they’re a cook or a truck driver or a mechanic. I would imagine someone who qualifies for field work in a clandestine intelligence agency wouldn’t need a computer program to allow them to fire a pistol at a near-enough target.
        ARGH. When I think about it, it frustrates me. Because when I watch this episode and Sarah puts on the glasses, I react like Casey. “NO! DON’T DO IT!”
        Jesus. I just fired up the episode so I could quote him verbatim here and just watching that scene makes my stomach tighten into knots.

        Calming down.

        I really enjoyed this episode all the way until Quinn showed up. Jeff and Lester, the Vail BuyMore and their “Big Mike”, Bo Derek and Sarah’s quips to Chuck regarding his childhood crush on her. “Did you get to see your girlfriend’s boobies?” So great.

        Okay. I uh…I think I need to go read Thinkling’s post-finale story now. It’s my surefire cure for the Season Five Blues.

      • atcDave says:

        It’s because the Porsche with stripes is faster than the one without…

      • Angus MacNab says:

        Sarah with an Intersect *is* awesome (even though she really doesn’t need it, per Stephen Bartowski). However, Sarah with a faulty Intersect… sux.

    • atcDave says:

      Well I think Bo Derek is a spy is funny all by itself. I actually like the idea of that, its absurd. As I said above, I could have gone for a little less of the smutty humor, I don’t find that part terribly funny. But “Don’t trust Bo Derek” is awesome and brilliant.

      Among the issues I have with Sarah getting the Intersect is that it seems a truly trivial upgrade for her. Its like some new chip that’s 2.4% faster or something. I mean we’ve seen her take out five mercenaries or eleven hoodlums in mere seconds before anyway. I much preferred MyNameIsJeffNImLost’s take on it in “Chuck vs All of the Intersects” where he has the Intersect actually slowing Sarah down because its just a back seat driver for her.
      So among my minor beefs with the whole finale set-up here is just that I can’t quite get enthused about the idea Sarah would actually need it anyway.

      • When I saw Sarah put the glasses on, as John G. eloquently stated, my stomach tightened and hated that she put them on. I also dont see how She couldnt have taken them out like she normally does, and I really feel the Intersect did not really help as much as the the writers wanted it too. But Sarah needling Chuck about Bo was hilarious, especially the line where Chuck asks Sarah not to hit Bo in the face.

  6. Hi. I’m a first-time commenter on the site,although I’ve been following for a while. I just wanted to say that I agree with you who say that Sarahsect was pointless (why would she need to flash to through a javelin?), and was really only there to serve the story line.

    • atcDave says:

      Hey Jeffrey its always great to hear from another reader!

      I was thinking the other day maybe it would been more plausible for many of us if she’d needed a skill or intel she didn’t have. Anything from Japanese to hacking a computer to figuring out where Quinn’s secret hideout might be; or something. The problem with the combat is just that we all believed she was invincible anyway!

    • Wilf says:

      Hi there and welcome.

      “if she’d needed a skill or intel she didn’t have” – I thought the point was that Sarah considered herself to be in an impossible situation and hoped that, by downloading the Intersect, she would flash on some new skill or intel to help her to find a way out.

      • atcDave says:

        Well yeah that’s what they showed. It just seemed a little plot devicey since the new skill she gained at the end of Bo was not too far outside of her skill set anyway. It would be like Chuck “having to” flash for hacking or Casey having to flash to use a sniper rifle. To me, it would have felt less plot devicey if Sarah had gained a skill or Intel that was well outside of what she already could do.
        Maybe if Sarah (and Casey) destroyed the bad guys in the warehouse without using the Intersect, but the only clue as to Chuck’s whereabouts was a note in some code neither of them could understand. Then Sarah uploaded the Intersect to decipher the note and find Chuck. To me, that feels more fitting; and it accomplishes the same thing for Bullet Train.

    • Ernie Davis says:

      I usually just let these things go when they border on matters of taste, but this one I’m going to weigh in briefly. There has never been a Sarah Walker fight scene as intense as the one at the end of Bo, and there has never been one where she so easily and confidently dispenses with a bakers dozen (a complete rifle squad plus) of trained soldiers with a half full pistol magazine (5 shots). She did things we’d never seen effortlessly and confidently when the scenes leading up to her intersecting herself made clear, through the actors narrative and acting, that they weren’t getting out of there with the talents, arms and ammunition the had. In my opinion, those who think Sarah could have done all the things she did in that scene without the intersect are overriding the clear and well done presentation of the situation with Sarah Walker fanon. If Sarah could, why didn’t she untill after she intersected?

      Sorry, had to say it. I thought the end scene was an incredibly well done demonstration of how the intersect made even the awesome Sarah Walker even more Awesome. I think there is a desire among many to delegitimize the final story arc, even if they aren’t doing it intentionally, but these scenes make sense and tell a story and are well done. And I know some will say it’s just a matter of taste, but there are objective factors behind what I’m saying. If you accept what the show is presenting.

      • atcDave says:

        Ernie I think most of us do get it, and did see that they made her “more awesome”. But even so, it was just more of the same awesome. So they turned her up to eleven and did a cool action sequence. A cool action sequence not too terribly different than we saw from her in Tic Tac, or Baby, or 5.12. And that’s not fanon. As a long time D&D player I would say instead of her usual 16th level self she seems to have amped up to an 18th level version of herself.
        As I said, I get it. It was just a little too plot devicey to me. A slight variation on Chuck’s Kung Fu crutch. I wish they’d done more varied and interesting things with the Intersect.

      • Ernie Davis says:

        I disagree, it was very different. Tic Tac was her surprising 5 lightly armed guys. Baby was her surprising 11 moderately heavily armed guys. 5.12 was her doing a Bryce and taking out 5-6 guys sequentially as she moved through the hallway, never fighting more than one at a time. Bo was her taking out 13 heavily armed and armored guys who had and were actively using automatic weapons to keep her pinned down. TPTB did everything they could to highlight that, as did the following episode, that they needed the intersect and that Sarah was even more effective with it. They basically say it out loud and explicitly in Bullet Train. At a certain point you can’t blame TPTB as poor storytellers or negligent for things that some fans refuse to accept.

      • atcDave says:

        Oh c’mon, we’re talking about a minor issue here all in fun! That some of us can imagine a twist that might have worked better for us is not a serious critique,

        And I still say you’re drawing too fine a point; Sarah was always a dynamite fighter, loading the Intersect to be slightly more dynamite was just not that exciting to me!

      • Ernie Davis says:

        So I’ll ask this and then drop it. Did that final scene of Bo leave you with a feeling of Meh, nothing new? Business as usual?

      • atcDave says:

        It was a good action sequence (I said “fun” in the post!), but yeah, it didn’t really impress me as anything shockingly new. It’s not a huge issue to me either way. It was a good action sequence on a show I enjoyed for its good action sequences; done by a character I always expected great things from.

      • Ernie Davis says:

        OK, we’re watching in different ways. I saw a desperation, a “no way out” vibe that I’d never seen before, and a Sarah action sequence that really surpassed anything else, given that she had many awesome one-on-one fights, but nothing else as far as ease and the number of people she took out in the given situation. The next episode only reinforced that.

  7. mr2686 says:

    I really like this episode. It comes in at number 33 on my list, and is a lot of fun to watch. I absolutely love the Jeff and Lester scenes, and especially love that every time they’re back in the crashed car, there is an additional vulture sitting on the car. Also, you just have to love the Vail Buy More and the “anti” characters that work there. Talk about your twilight zone…or maybe the Burbank Buy More is the twilight zone. Hmmm. LOL.

  8. noblz says:

    This episode is my one dud for S5. While the opening scene between Chuck and Sarah is one of my all time favorites and the Jeff and Lester waking up in the desert was good, there was just too much Morgan for me. I hit my Morgan overload at the end of S2. This turned what could have been a great episode into a dud. The idea of having Sarah upload the intersect was also a definite minus for me.

    Still, the Chuck/Sarah talk at the open and their convincing of Casey was one of my all time favorite scenes of the whole series. They had to go ruin it.

    My opinion here.

  9. I think I may have opened a can of worms here. I’m sorry, Ernie, If I seemed to be de-legitimizing the Quinn arc. That wasn’t my intent. I was just thinking how, up until this point, Sarah had been able to pretty much hold her own without the Intersect. I realize there was a story-related purpose, it just seemed unnecessary.

  10. I should also mention that this was the last S5 episode I think I really enjoyed.

  11. resaw says:

    I’m late to this episode rewatch, a combination of catching up from being away on vacation and a reluctance to proceed to inevitable finale, I guess. I was not a big fan of this episode but now that I’ve watched it again, it stands up rather well. The Jeffster B plot is comedy gold, but the hard thing about this episode for me, and for some others, at least, I gather, is that this begins the downward spiral to the terrible situation of Sarah’s memory loss and all that is associated with it. For that reason, Quinn becomes for me a far more evil villain than Shaw ever was, and season 5 is much more difficult to watch than season 3.

    If I may throw in my two cents about the final scene, where Sarah is intersected, to me that was one of the most intense, awesome and terrible scenes of the series thus far. The situation truly was desperate, there was no apparent escape, no one coming to help, no backing from Beckman or from CIA student recruits. The stakes were high. And yet, Casey, in as desperate straits as he was, implored Sarah not to download the Intersect, anticipating the tragic consequences.

    There are a few funny lines that I think have not been mentioned so far. Casey, re the Buy More: “Let’s kick the creepy cousin out of the family.” Morgan describing Ellie’s career as: “Brain Science.” Lester describing Sarah: “That whore-y blonde” (is he still smarting from having tried to pick her up at the Wienerlicious back in season 1?). Bo Derek mentioning Jaclyn Smith, as a competitor, apparently. It is really funny the way that Sarah clobbers Bo and says to Chuck, “Sorry I had to do that to your girlfriend,” and then Chuck responds with concern that Sarah may have hit Bo in the face. He just can’t help himself.

    It turned out to be a better and more important episode than I remembered.

    • atcDave says:

      I think to me the big difference between the finale and S3 is that I feel like the finale actually honors the characters and show I love. While S3 gave me unrecognizable re-imagining of the characters that I could neither like nor respect, which led to a dramatic reduction of investment. So the finale as me on the edge of my seat, while S3 had me on the edge of the delete button.

      • Dave, I’ of two minds about S3 now. I first watched it before finding this blog, and that time I was able to look at it as what TPTP were trying to show: Chuck learning the spy world. Could it have been done better? Of course (more Chuck&Sarah’s always a good thing, and I would’ve liked so see Sarah help Chuck learn the ropes.). Now, however, I just find S3 extremely boring. Last rewatches, I jumped from v. the Ring to mid-v. the American Hero which, for my money, is where S3 picked up.
        I think I’ll save any further comment for later. BTW, are you doing vs. Sarah and vs. the Goodbye as one episode, or separately?

      • atcDave says:

        Well I can certainly agree the decision to reduce Chuck/Sarah interaction time was among the major failings. We’ve mentioned here a few times how Castle, which also drew things out a season too long I think, managed to do a little better just by keeping the focus of the show ON the featured couple; even when they weren’t technically “together.” I think that made Chuck kind of boring at what should have been a key crossroads in the story.
        And yeah I do agree there was an important story there to tell about Chuck’s entry into that professional life, and a few potentially important issues were brought up. But overall it didn’t work.
        I usually point to the Charah problems as the biggest part of that failing. Certainly it was the most emotional part of that failing for me. But Chuck’s behavior (lying) and Shaw not really being well managed (a lengthy essay all by itself!) were all major problems with the season.

        For the next couple episodes we will give each their own posts, plus a finale “Alternatives and Epilogues” post. So a few posts yet to come!

    • Resaw you hit the nail on the head for me re. the hard think about this episode. I think I’ll save further comment for later.

  12. I’ve read the S3 posts, and I think your right, Dave. Aside from pacing, the biggest problem there was, I think, the lack of communication which, I think, you pointed out. I’ve been reading a lot of fanfic lately, and many authors get into how Prague and the Red Tests affected Chuck&Sarah. I don’t remember the comments re. particular episodes at the moment, but I’ve always wished that the characters would’ve talked more. That would’ve made that season, if not enjoyable, at least more bearable, I guess. No secrets, no lies a lot sooner, maybe?

    • atcDave says:

      Oh yeah, no secrets no lies was a great moment; and sooner would have been a good thing.
      You mentioned reading the S3 posts and ff; does that mean you also read the Alternatives posts? We sort of split into separate factions that season, and I know we sometimes get a little overly passionate in our perspectives (!), but we sure did cover this all in a lot more detail.

  13. I’ve glanced at the alt. posts a few times, but actually found fanfic on my own.
    I had mentioned how the alts get into Prague, etc. There’s at least one story I like, Sihlouette, that gets into Sarah’s development as a person. Part 3 of that one’s in the middle of Final Exam, and has Sarah worry about Chuck as a spy. There’s also one called The Silence Between the Words. This’s another Sarah-centered one set during Other Guy. In it, while at the Paris cafe, Sarah sees Chuck with his gun, and there’s mention of her wondering whether he’d be able to use deadly force.
    Have you read either of those?

  14. Sorry, to continue from my last. The stuff I noted in the fanfic is material that should’ve at least gotten a line or two on screen. You might agree, I think.

  15. Pingback: Episode of the Week: Chuck vs Bo (5.10) | Chuck This

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Beauty, Skincare

Dr. Jart+ Pore Minimalist Mask

It’s not secret that Dr. Jart+ is one of my favorite brands at Sephora. Their skincare products are innovative and work really well, and they use very natural ingredients that don’t irritate my somewhat sensitive skin. I recently tried the Dr. Jart+ Pore Minimalist Black Charcoal Sheet Mask which can be purchased from Sephora for $7.50.

This was a very easy-to-apply sheet mask (as most sheet masks are). There’s no cleanup necessary because the product is clear even though the mask is black. This mask is supposed to be a great product for acne-prone skin, and I used it when my hormonal acne was flaring up right before my period. I will say that my zits didn’t magically disappear, but I did think they looked less red and less noticeable. My overall skin felt much smoother afterwards, and it continued feeling more moisturized for a few days.

I think this is a great little treat for the skin, and I’m looking forward to reviewing more of these masks. I tend to prefer cream mask products over sheet masks (I feel like the creams sink deeper in the pores and give more immediate results), but this one definitely blew away the Sephora brand masks.

It Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye Cream

I tend to have naturally dark circles under my eyes, so I’m on this eternal quest to find products that will minimize or conceal them. I’ve used under eye cream every night since I was 16 and under eye concealer for almost as long. Recently, I received a deluxe sample of It Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye Cream from Sephora, and I think I’ll definitely be purchasing the full size when my Origins GinZing Refreshing Eye Cream runs out.

The IT Cosmetics under eye cream is $48 for half an ounce, which is an average price for an under eye cream. Half an ounce seems like a tiny amount, but you need so little under eye cream every day that it will probably last you 6-8 months if not longer.

I’ve found that this cream dries very quickly and definitely does what it says it’s supposed to do. My under eye area is brightened but the finish is very matte, unlike the Origins eye cream which leaves a sparkly residue that is very noticeable (but does mask the darkness). I think that I prefer this matte, invisible finish. My under eyes don’t tend to be puffy and I don’t have any wrinkles yet, but I do like how moisturized and smooth my under eye area feels after using this cream, so I could definitely see this targeting those two problems as well.

Overall, I’m very impressed by this product and this brand as a whole. Their inexpensive contour palette is also amazing! I definitely think this is a brand to watch for. They’re not super well-known right now, but these are great, high-quality products.

Blush Pink Accessories for Spring

Remember when nude shoes were in and they were supposed to blend in and look like a natural extension of your leg? That was a terrible trend, and it didn’t work because they didn’t match anyone’s skin tone! Besides, it completely defeated the purpose of accessorizing. Neutral colored accessories are supposed to take a back seat to brighter colors, but they’re still supposed to enhance the outfit instead of disappearing completely. That’s one of the reasons that I LOVE the blush pink shade (so much so that my future wedding dress will absolutely be blush pink instead of white!) It is demure and versatile while still being chic and eye-catching. Here are two amazing accessories in this color from the Kelly & Katie brand sold at DSW:

Credit: DSW
First up is the Eleanore Pump, which retails at $39.95. I can attest that this is one of the most comfortable brands of shoes on the market, and I love their very feminine styles. This one is certainly no exception. I could definitely see this in an office setting or even a wedding because of the versatility of the pump – it can definitely be dressed up or down. The blush pink hue goes with so many other colors, although it tends to pair best with cooler shades. The bow embellishment is adorable, and peep toes are very flattering for most foot shapes.

Credit: DSW
Next up is the Helaniel Satchel, which also retails at $39.95. This is a larger bag with the following dimensions: 12½” x 5″ x 9½”. It also completely zips at the top (something that I know I always prefer in a handbag so that I don’t spill the contents during one of my many moments of clumsiness). While this perfectly matches the pumps, you could definitely carry this with most outfits and most shoes. I know that I often pair my blush bag with black shoes. I hate changing handbags if they clash with my outfit, but this one should be a sure bet for most colors.

These are both really affordable options for anyone wanting to try out blush pink accessories. I often forget that DSW sells other accessories, but I’ve actually been really pleased with their recent handbag selection, especially in this shade. I hope that Blush pink is a shade that stays popular for a very long time! I think that it is definitely becoming a classic, elegant shade that will hopefully become a permanent fashion fixture instead of a trend!

Beauty, nails

Be a Little Sinful

I tend to go in phases when it comes to nail polish. I’ll spend weeks with very neutral polishes and then I’ll just need a burst of color. I’ve also found that it’s just not worth it for me to pay a lot for nail color. I work in a library where I’m constantly touching things, so my polish chips pretty easily. I also have very soft, brittle nails naturally, so that doesn’t help at all. While I love brands like China Glaze, OPI, and Essie, they just don’t last any longer for me than drugstore brands (even when paired with a base coat and top coat). Because of that my very favorite nail polish brand is Sinful Colors, which can be purchased at nearly any drugstore or grocery store.

I love the amazing variety of colors in this collection. You can literally find anything you’re looking for – and most of the bottles are only $2. That’s a price that just can’t be beat. There are a variety of finishes from ultra sparkly to very matte, and it’s incredible how quickly they dry. Multiple times a year, they’ll run special promotions where they debut new themed shades (similar to the promotions that OPI runs), and right now they are collaborating with vlogger Kandee Johnson on a special collection that I love because it contains a whole lot of sparkle!

Now, if you have fabulous, strong nails that hold color well and you find that more expensive brands genuinely last longer for you, then I completely understand if this won’t be your new go-to brand. But this is still a great brand if you just want to try out a new or trendy color. For instance, I found a teal recently that I just wasn’t sure if I could rock, but I figured that $2 wasn’t too risky, and it has ended up being my favorite spring pedicure look so far this season! So, next time you’re in Kroger or Walgreens, just check them out and see if any of the shades stand out to you.

Mother’s Day Classic Gift Idea

Mother’s Day is tomorrow! It’s a great day where we celebrate the woman who has been there the most for us in life. I love my mom! We’ve become close friends since I entered adulthood, and we celebrated early by seeing a matinee show of the musical Beautiful: The Carole King Musical this afternoon. Still, I wanted to share a sure-thing idea with you in case you’re still scrambling to find a gift last-minute.

Credit: Nordstrom

I have always thought that pearls exude a timeless elegant. I know that my mother always classes up an outfit with a strand of pearls when it needs to be extra fancy, so maybe that’s why I associate pearls with my mother. When I saw these earrings at Nordstrom I instantly thought that they would make a great mother’s day gift. First, they are a steal at $45! Also, they have a great classic look from the brand Nina. While the pearl is imitation (obviously, for that price), the crystals are Swarovski, which add another nice touch.

Happy Mother’s Day to any mothers who might be reading this blog!

art, Local

Lines of Sight

I typically blog about makeup, and occasionally about fashion, but since my website is “Cincy” Couture, I think I want to start including some information about fabulous cultural and artistic events in the greater Cincinnati area. Right now, I’m currently obsessed with lineillism – a new style of painting developed by local artist Jim “J. C.” Hall who is also the subject of a new documentary Lines of Sight. This technique, similar to pointillism, is comprised of tiny vertical lines, and the artist developed the technique after suffering a stroke and spending months where there were lots of vertical lines impeding his vision.

Free stock photo of art, brush, painting, colorful

Right now, the Sharonville Cultural Arts Center is exhibiting a retrospective on Hall’s lifetime of art, including many of his lineillism pieces. Last Friday, they held a special screening on the documentary, and hopefully they’ll be showing it again before the exhibit closes at the end of May.

While the art is phenomenal and absolutely brilliant, the personal details about Hall’s past make the whole exhibit come together. He focuses so much on sharing his experiences of grief and struggle: he tragically lost his beloved wife a few years ago, he has struggled with substance abuse in the past and is a fervent AA devotee, he has battled and continues to battle health issues. It’s clear that, more than anything else, Hall’s mission is to bring hope to others. His art is meant to inspire and encourage those going through similar difficulties. He is truly a remarkable man, and I’m so glad that he was given a grant through ArtsWave to be able to share this traveling museum exhibit, the documentary, and teach others the exquisite lineillism technique.

If you’re going to be in the Sharonville area in May, be sure to stop by the Sharonville Cultural Arts Center’s Westheimer Gallery to see this retrospective. They are open Thursdays from 3pm-7pm , Fridays from 3pm-7pm , and Saturdays from 10am-2pm.

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Let's get this show on the road!

Smile! Retirement is on the horizon!

Home Sweet Home

English: Looking south along Brant Rock Beach,...

English: Looking south along Brant Rock Beach, Marshfield, Massachusetts. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well…here we are! It took some back and forth, but The White Knight is safely nestled in beside the house! It still needs a small tweek, but it works! We have all the comforts of home, and the house too! Actually, it works out well, we have been able to put the bike in the garage and not have to worry about that either! Right now there are some home improvements going on; painting inside, gardening beds outside. The house looks good, although the UF Gator orange ceiling in the hallway is a bit odd, but it’s what Boomer and Melissa like, so….

We have eaten well, the part of this trip we look forward to all year is the food. Melissa is an awesome cook and they both grill like Bobby Flay! We made the first trip of many to Woods Seafood on the waterfront of Plymouth. Mmmmmmmm!!!! Fried Clams, sitting on the edge of the bay…finish with cupcakes! Lots of fresh produce, we have already gone through 18 ears of fresh picked corn! I personally had 7 in 2 sittings. I am addicted to fresh corn!

We took a ride yesterday on the bike. Rolling hills, salt air, cool enough for long sleeves but warm enough not to need a jacket. We went to some cool places, Duxbury, Marshfield, Green Harbor, Brant Rock, Pembroke…all neat little towns in the South Shore of Boston. We even drove past the Marshfield Fair in full swing. All of the people that live near the fairgrounds charge for parking (all the same amount – 5.00), and Paul told me that local lore says that they pay their property taxes with the money that they make doing that. Pretty neat!

I have to take some time for the mundane things today, laundry, light cleaning….It IS our house after all!!!!

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#145 I’m still here…I think?

I had the most pleasurable stay in my new Hospice inpatient unit lately and just arrived home Christmas day…I think. I don’t remember things very well anymore so if you need info on anything that is important, for God’s sake don’t ask me. I was having uncontrolled pain so the hospice team thought that I should be under their care at a facility that I know was supposed to be in kind-of-a hospital setting…but it was really more like a resort.

I was in such terrible pain when I arrived there, and it took an entire day to get the Medical Director in there to see me (he thought he should be the one seeing me because all of my prior medical issues with getting the right treatment) and then I waited hours for a nurse to come that was trained to hook up my port to give them IV access. It seemed then like it took forever, but considering what they were able to accomplish, it was a very short time after all.After all of that and a few more hours to have the meds delivered…they did it. They knocked down my pain level to a level that it hasn’t been in years. I’ve told you all about the tumor pressing on nerves (my own conclusion by the way) but when I told the Medical Director where all I was having pain he said that I was absolutely right.

It’s not often that any Dr would agree with me but this one did a through medical exam and after feeling the tumor he actually said “Oh my God! that’s way bigger than on the scan” Finally someone listened to me and understood that I knew what my future was looking like. It only took a few minutes for him to decide to give me the only medicine that has ever work on pain for me and he ordered that I have a Patient Controlled analgesic pump. He actually told me he was going to give me higher and higher doses of it until I felt better. I didn’t want to be in a haze and he didn’t want me sleeping all the time so we found the right amount that worked for me.
Now I’m home again. I did have to go in another time to increase the dose, but I think I’ve found the right amount of medicine to continue to let me function.

Now, when I say function, I don’t mean doing anything that takes much energy at all. I’ve had to have a hospital bed brought in because I can’t climb the stairs in my house without hurting myself.
I keep trying to do more around the house but I only end up hurting myself.My sister Elaine has come from NC to help out for a few weeks and my friend Diane has been here a lot decorating and cleaning.

This month I’m focusing on trying to raise money to pay some bills that I just can’t put off anymore. I did manage to get together enough money to pay all of the household bills…now I have to get my car paid for. I own my car free and clear…However it has a repair that has to be done before I can take it to get current registration. Rick called the insurance company to let them and the department of motor vehicle to let them know that the car isn’t being driven because of repair issues.

I’m trying to find a way to set up a legitimate bank account for people to donate into (so they know that this is all above table). I’ve done fund-raisers before but never for myself, so I’m at a loss as to how to start it. In the past I would always choose families for Christmas or friends of our kids’ families and have car washes. Now I know how it feels to have to ask for help, and it’s a horrible gut wrenching feeling that I don’t wish on anyone.
Hopefully it isn’t too late to talk to Santa?

#108 Let the day begin.

Apparently I’m now a clutz. Yesterday when I was writing my morning post I went to put my headset on my desk and turn around to go outside, but somehow I caught a cord on the front of my wheelchair and pulled on my computer tower hard enough to tip it over. One computer down! I run into things with my chair all the time but I don’t usually cause any damage. My hard drive somehow isn’t hooked up anymore so it won’t initiate windows at all. Now I’m having to use Rick’s computer. I don’t like using it because he bought it last year specifically for his games so I’ve never used it at all. I didn’t even know what the password was so of course he gave me shit about asking for it. He thought he was being funny but I had just written the entire post and didn’t know if it was lost or not. Luckily WordPress saves all material every twenty seconds so it was all there when I logged back on. I don’t know what I would do without my blog. It’s become my way of getting through all the crap that’s happening with my sanity still in tact. I do feel much better today, and Rick made sure that all the housework was taken care of while I was out of commission these past few days. The insurance adjuster did come by on friday and he told us that we have to have our entire dining room and livingroom ceiling scraped and re-texture. We also need to replace the drywall in the dining room and have the roof resealed. When I went to bed last night it was just starting to rain and I woke up to the rain still coming down. It wasn’t pouring or anything, just raining enough that I’m worried to check and see if there is any more damage. Rick complained to the adjuster about the water dripping on our brand new carpet so he agreed to pay to have the carpet cleaned too. That will come in handy after the huge mess is made to scrape the ceiling. I do want to get the repairs done, but I’m not looking forward to the mess.  The carpet company has been trying to get me to make another appointment for them to come out replace the carpet that I threw a fit about, it was installed terribly on part of my steps. I’m going to call them this morning and tell them they can’t come until after the repairs though. I do have a few other things to do today so I think today is gonna be OK. I feel all right except for the cough that I’ve had for what seems like forever. Yesterday I went up and down the stairs so many times that I managed to pull a muscle in my shoulder but it isn’t too bad this morning. I have a feeling that I won’t see Rick for a few hours yet, he stayed up until one in the morning to be able to pick Jess up from her second job after working twenty-three hours straight. Oh, to be young again. I really don’t know how she’s managing to work all the hours she’s working. I think she did get a nap on my couch for about forty-five minutes before she worked all day and then all night. She wanted us to buy her a few red bulls to help her stay awake and although I hate energy drinks(because I think they’re dangerous), Rick went to the store and bought her one. I hope it helped. I haven’t seen her this morning. I guess Rick took her to her apartment. She hardly ever goes home so she’s letting one of her friends stay at her place to take care of her kitten and he cleans her house for her. Jess says it’s like having an old man housewife(I think he’s twenty-five). I’m just happy that she found someone to stay there to help out. I didn’t like her leaving the kitten home alone so much. I was surprised that her second job was in a group home for disabled people. I guess when they wanted to know if she had any experience with taking care of disabled people she told them that she has twenty years of experience living with me. She’s very good about knowing when to ask if she can help with something, and when to let someone do things on their own. I’ve purposely taught my kids how to run a house from the time they could reach things, just incase I couldn’t do things for them they were able to do everything on their own. Now if I can get them to keep their rooms clean when they’re here…that would be nice.

#102 Whiplash from the mood swings ;)

Yesterday I was having the worst day in a very long time. I couldn’t get away from the pain long enough to become anything close to a normal happy person. I was going through my house pissed off at the world and everybody in it, I thought that if I did some chores that I would feel better, although I knew that I shouldn’t because I was already hurting so much. I made it through doing most of my dishes, doing four or five loads of my daughter’s laundry (she doesn’t even live here) and sweeping my kitchen and family room when I decided that I had to take a break. I wanted to try to sing a few songs while I caught my breath, and because I had to exchange my karaoke machine a few months ago and never really had the new one set up properly it had to be moved and rewired so that took a few hours to do when it should have only taken a few minutes…then when it was hooked up I couldn’t find my mics because there were extra wires everywhere. I was so pissed off at that point that I took a garbage bag and threw into it all the wires to other people’s random things that had no business being there, and just as I threw the garbage bag into my garage someone rang the door-bell. Of course Bob (our Pomeranian) goes crazy which pisses off Rick who had been getting bitched at all day by me, and when Bob jumped up to run at the door he scratched my leg trying to get by me. I thought that I was going to find the carpet repair guy at the door, he was supposed to come and replace some of the new carpet that was installed improperly, which is by the way very loud, the glue smells to high heaven and they make a huge mess. This day couldn’t have gotten much worse! Rick and I both went to the door so that one of us could hold the dog while the other let the carpet guys in…but nobody was there. I could see the UPS truck leaving and there was a huge box left on my front patio with my name on it. Rick brought me the box and I put Bob back down and I took this great big box into the kitchen. I must have had a huge smile on my face because for the first time all day Rick smiled at me and went back to his computer. It had a beautiful card on the box addressed to me, with a little writing that just basically said that someone was thinking of me and wishing me a pain-free happy day. In the box was the most perfect bunch of sun flowers along with a little tin can vase that looked like a little old milk can. Just beautiful. I instantly was happy again and hurried to get my pretty flowers cut and fed and put into fresh water in their new home. They were really hot so I was a bit worried that they would die yesterday but they didn’t. I carried them from room to room with me for the rest of the day yesterday just so that I could see them where ever I went. I didn’t do anything else around the house after that, I just rested and looked at my perfect gift. I think what made me so happy wasn’t just getting such a great gift, but it was the fact that those much-needed words came from a woman whom I’ve never even met. She is someone who I’ve been talking to on the internet who has also lived this nightmare. I’ve never even spoken to her on the phone. This woman has encouraged me on good days and cried with me on terrible days and I don’t even know her last name. The only way that I could thank her was to send her a pm on my computer. So this is why I’m back to giving myself whiplash with the mood swings. I truly believe that if Rick could have found this wonderful woman yesterday he would have hugged her refusing to let go because she fixed me in a split second. I woke up today and came downstairs to make my coffee, when I saw my beautiful sun flowers on my kitchen table and I smiled. I think it’s gonna be a great day.

#100 I never thought I would get here!

I thought this past year would never end. All the doctors and scans and blood tests, and the endless amount of strangers to whom I had to give every bit of my personal information. I really thought it would go on forever, but now I have some time where I don’t have to do anything but what I feel like doing. I can just try to get things back to normal…normal for me anyway. I’m not miraculously cured but I do have a while where I shouldn’t feel too terrible. The fatigue is really the most difficult thing to deal with. I like to plan things out and I like to make lists of what I want to get done. I do tend to make long lists of chores, and in that case it does take me a few days to finish everything. Thank God for Rick! He knows what things are most important to me and if he sees that I’m not able to do a chore he jumps in and does it himself. He never complains about making dinner (which is usually his job), and he doesn’t say a word if he has to do laundry or take care of my plants. He’ll tell me what he’s done and after I thank him for picking up my slack he never mentions it again. He’s just good like that. He goes to the store when I’m not paying attention and comes back with my favorite treats so that he can try to make me happy when I feel like crap, yesterday it was apple pie. In a perfect world everyone would have a Rick. I do try to do things for him too but I don’t always have the energy to do very much. I feel guilty for the stress that is put on him because I’m sick, and I know that he doesn’t agree with the treatment, or lack there of, that I’ve chosen. I woke up today and realized that I don’t feel as bad as I’ve felt for the past few days so I’ll be making my list when I’m done writing this post. I only have one tumor now and although it’s not very big it does make me hungry for anything sweet all the time and it takes up most of my energy. I try to remember that no matter how much energy I feel it will only last about an hour before I’m done for the day. I have noticed that I’m drinking more coffee lately but that doesn’t seem to help very much. I’m hoping that I can build up to doing a little bit more each day, although patience has never been a strong point for me. There are so many things that I miss about my life before breast cancer. Mostly I miss just going to work with Rick and working in my yard. I don’t think I realized how much I loved my life before I didn’t have control over it anymore. Rick and Hollywood tried to get me to do karaoke with them the other day and they insisted that I sing, but after one song I didn’t want to do it anymore. I usually don’t pass up an opportunity to sing with other people here, so I think they were a little surprised when I left the room. Music has always made me feel better so I don’t understand why I didn’t want to sing…I just didn’t. I’ll try to do a little bit of something each day and add more a little at a time and see what happens. It definitely can’t hurt to try. I’ve already had two cups (bowls) of coffee and I’ve been eating M&Ms the whole time I’ve been writing so I should have some energy this morning…maybe enough to sing for a while. I can’t believe that I’ve posted one hundred posts on my blog. I had never even read a blog before I started this one. Thank you Elaine for helping me figure it all out. I would have never been able to start it on my own.

#98 Grandma Cindy

I did get to go for my walk the day before yesterday but we had to cut it a bit short, Rick had a hard time going the full two miles because we didn’t go first thing in the morning. By the time I had enough coffee in me to be a person it was about 9am and the sun was already up high enough that we didn’t have any shade to walk in. So, yesterday instead of trying to go walking again Rick talked me into going swimming after he vacuumed the pool and I’m so glad that he did. The water was warm but not too much and we swam around for a long time to make sure that we both exercised enough to make up for not going for a walk. I think that until it cools off considerably we’ll just be going swimming in the morning. I was so happy to know that I could actually get outside and go around the neighborhood because that was the first time in a long time since I’ve had the energy to go anywhere without the car. In fact I was so excited that when we got home I went straight into my garage and cleaned out all of the garbage, but Rick made me go inside and cool off after a few minutes out there. I’ve put on about ten pounds in the past year and all of my favorite clothes don’t fit me anymore so I’m hoping that doing morning exercise again will help me drop the weight. I found out the other day that my son Justin and his girlfriend Ashley are expecting their first baby in February. I don’ like that I’m that old but I’m happy that I’ll have a grandchild. I remember how difficult it was for Rick and I to have children when we were younger so I hope they have an easier time raising a child than we did. Justin is 22 so they’re old enough to be responsible for a baby, but I do wish that they were closer so that I could help them a little bit. When I was on the phone the other day with Justin and were talking about his having a child I told him that I hoped that he had a son and that he was ‘just like him’. He got all upset and started screaming to Ashley that I had just cursed them. He told me ” mom,that’s not funny”…but I thought it was very, very funny. My daughter Jesse has an ex-girlfriend who had just had a baby when they first started dating, and when they broke up Jesse was already attached to the baby so to this day (he’s three now) she takes him a few days a week and he’s always called me grandma Cindy. I don’t know how I ever took care of my kids without losing my mind. I guess that having children is for young people because as I get older I have a hard time being around anyone under 18 without being very agitated. Now I know what to do to teach a child to be well-behaved, but that wasn’t always the case. Luckily my kids grew out of being out of control. It took me a long time to figure it out though. I don’t think that I had a harder time raising them because I only have one leg, I think it was simply that I didn’t know how to raise children to behave the way I wanted them to. Some things just take time and experience. I am glad that I had them when I was younger because now that I’m not able to do as many things they can do things on their own. I hope we can figure something out so that I can be of some kind of assistance with the baby because life is too short to miss out on the good things. I also wish that I could just tell Justin and Ashley what to do to have a well-behaved, well-mannered and well-adjusted child but as we older more experienced parents now know, everyone has to figure that one out on their own and in their own way and their own time. I don’t like to wait for things though so maybe I’ll be able to at least give them a few pointers? Rick replenished my M&M supply yesterday, so me and my tiny shovel are headed out to the front yard this morning to tackle some weeds that popped up in the rocks after it rained the other day. I’m going to go out as soon as the sun comes up so that I can see what I’m doing , hopefully it won’t get too hot before I get them all pulled out. I have to go and buy a new tiny shovel soon because I’ve worn off the handle and I don’t want to get blisters on my hands again like I had the last time I wore out one of my shovels. I need to pick up some new gloves too, mine don’t have much material left at the finger tips and I’m afraid to get a pricker in my finger. I have to be careful about not getting any kind of infection in my right arm that could turn into Lymphadema. That’s a side effect from having my lymph nodes removed during the mastectomy. Luckily I haven’t had any problems with my arm and I want to keep it that way. I have enough to deal with already.

#97 Knowledge is power but ignorance is bliss

So, the wait is over, and I know now what I knew all along. I do have to admit that just having a more recent scan is going to make  it easier for me to just show people the report whenever anyone has a need to know how I’m doing. Actually, it isn’t as bad as I thought it was which means that I’ll have more time to work with than I thought I would. Consider this good news… because I do. It could have been way worse than it is. I probably should call everyone I know and tell them all what I found out, but I’m not too sure that I want to be specific because when I do I get a lot of people who want to ask me a ton of questions on why I don’t do things like they think I should. I understand that there are many misconceptions about aggressive breast cancer, so I do try to give the people I love a little break on the questions. I know that they mean well no matter how hurtful some questions end up being… not to mention I’ve asked a few hurtful and rude questions myself over the years. I see my doctor on Wednesday to see what he thinks I should do because I won’t need hospice if I’m feeling well enough for a while. I was told that can go on and off hospice service as needed, and it only takes one phone call to start-up right away if I get to feeling very sick. On the other hand there are still things that I need that my insurance doesn’t cover. Also, if I have a pain crisis and have the need to take IV pain meds I don’t want to have to go to an emergency room because they always treat me like I’m a drug addict who ran out of her pills(even when I show them that I have all my full pill bottles in my purse). To say that I feel like I’ve been abused my er staff would be the understatement of the century! If I don’t stay on hospice I’ll have to find out very quickly what can be done for me without ever having to go the hospital again. That is definitely what I like about the hospice service the most, they always take such great care of all of me, not just my disease. I think I am going to have to do a bone scan still and I can manage that but if they start asking me about doing another biopsy I think I’m going to lose my mind all over someone. When I came out of the imaging place when I was done being scanned I found Rick waiting for me in the car, he had seen my post  on his Facebook page(on his cell phone)about me wanting carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. So, while he was waiting for me he drove to the store and bought me a cake-mix and frosting so that when we came home I could bake it. I made a whole bunch of cup-cakes and have been having them for breakfast yesterday and today. I have eaten a few others during the days but that’s not important. What is important is that I was a good girl so they gave me a snack and juice when I was leaving the imaging place and then Rick spoiled me with cup-cakes. I love that he still tries all the time to make me happy. He did do the vacuuming for me yesterday because I had been saying that I wanted to get that done. I left to go somewhere with my daughter and came back and the floors were mopped and the dishes were running in the dishwasher too…and I didn’t even ask him to do any of it. Other than being really tired and craving sweets, I think I’m doing just fine. If when I wake up tomorrow morning it isn’t raining like it was this morning I want to try going for a walk like we used to do all the time. I know that if I can get myself built back up enough(a little bit at a time) with walking I’ll feel better. I just hope that it gives me more energy and doesn’t back-fire.

#90 A letter to a new friend

I had a post from another site that I wanted to elaborate on, and with her permission I’ve copied it here. cin
Nikkis_Jour… Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3
Post a reply Report this Post22 hours ago Nikkis_Journey wrote:

I’m new here. I just happened upon this thread. Actually, it seemed to be calling out to me that I needed to read it. So, I did – beginning to now. In fact, that’s all I’ve done all day. I just want to let you know that you have touched my heart. You have made me laugh and made me cry. I thank you for both. You are an incredible human being. You are my hero – an amazing explorer, creating your own path through this roller coaster we have come to know as – life. Your husband is a beautiful man – truly perfect for you in ever way. Your sisters and Mother to seem to be phenomenal human beings as well. In fact, at one point during my reading of all this, I thought, “Wow, I wish I had sisters!” then remembered, oh yeah, I do (one anyway). LOL. I hope you have a wonderful day and a pain-free, energy filled life. I will be praying for you and your family.

You make me smile.

All of my best wishes coming straight to you.

Dear Nikki,

I have poured my little heart out on this blog with the intention of keeping my friends and family up to date on my lung disease and (second)cancer, but I’ve found in that process that I’m really doing it for myself as much as to help everyone else understand what’s going on. Every morning I wake up at the crack of dawn, and with my coffee in hand I head straight to my computer to write my morning post. I have so many different moods and every day I feel different, so it’s like someone new is writing this blog every day. I found myself writing down every little thing that bothers me as well as how I’m feeling and some days I’m even happy and pain-free. I never know how each day is going to start or end so It’s usually even a surprise to me as to what’s going on in my life and what I’ll write about. I think my writing has changed because of the comments that I get about it and that is a huge blessing to me as far as keeping a good attitude about having to go through so much. I’ve found support and love from complete strangers here that helps me through some very rough times as well as making my good days better. So today, I write to you. I want you to know that you matter to me, and the fact that you’ve now read all seven thousand of my posts on the BCO site and are working your way through all 90 posts on  my blog tells me that I’m doing the right thing by sharing everything that I have. I don’t hold back and I know that I write some very upsetting things sometimes, but for some strange reason I figured that I needed to do it…so I continue. I’m grateful to you and everyone else who takes the precious time out of their day to read about things that mean so much to me and hopefully I’m helping someone else get through some difficult times in their lives as well. I don’t take that for granted and never will. Just taking that time for me is enough to let me know that I still matter. Some days I don’t feel like the world even knows that I’m still here, but when I see all the people who want to know how I am and what I’m doing it puts things back into perspective for me and makes me feel needed again. That’s been something that’s been hard for me to come by ever since I found out about this new cancer. Just having people like you reading and then telling me how I’ve touched your life keeps me going in the right direction. Thank you for reading everything, and thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone and just writing to myself. I really needed to hear someone say what you said so your timing was impeccable. I’ll try to keep it interesting for you, but to be honest, my life is so crazy that I usually don’t have to try very hard. I’m so happy to have touched your life and please know that you’ve now touched mine.


text:
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We Teach Proven Test Skills and Strategies

Our teachers in Columbus know the test better than anybody! That means you can expect your child to master techniques for tackling every section of the test. There’s also the convenience and flexibility of Sylvan Prep Online, our personalized online learning environment. It comes standard with our in-person learning, or you can choose it on its own.

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text:
The Battle of Shiloh was fought April 6-7th, 1862 inHardin County, Tennessee. There were almost 24,000 cmbined casualties in the battle

NPS summary of the battle:

As a result of the fall of Forts Henry and Donelson, Confederate Gen. Albert Sidney Johnston, the commander in the area, was forced to fall back, giving up Kentucky and much of West and Middle Tennessee. He chose Corinth, Mississippi, a major transportation center, as the staging area for an offensive against Maj. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant and his Army of the Tennessee before the Army of the Ohio, under Maj. Gen. Don Carlos Buell, could join it. The Confederate retrenchment was a surprise, although a pleasant one, to the Union forces, and it took Grant, with about 40,000 men, some time to mount a southern offensive, along the Tennessee River, toward Pittsburg Landing. Grant received orders to await Buell’s Army of the Ohio at Pittsburg Landing. Grant did not choose to fortify his position; rather, he set about drilling his men many of which were raw recruits. Johnston originally planned to attack Grant on April 4, but delays postponed it until the 6th. Attacking the Union troops on the morning of the 6th, the Confederates surprised them, routing many. Some Federals made determined stands and by afternoon, they had established a battle line at the sunken road, known as the “Hornets Nest.” Repeated Rebel attacks failed to carry the Hornets Nest, but massed artillery helped to turn the tide as Confederates surrounded the Union troops and captured, killed, or wounded most.  Johnston had been mortally wounded earlier and his second in command, Gen. P.G.T. Beauregard, took over. The Union troops established another line covering Pittsburg Landing, anchored with artillery and augmented by Buell’s men who began to arrive and take up positions. Fighting continued until after dark, but the Federals  held. By the next morning, the combined Federal forces numbered about 40,000, outnumbering Beauregard’s army of less than 30,000. Beauregard was unaware of the arrival of Buell’s army and launched a counterattack in response to a two-mile advance by William Nelson’s division of Buell’s army at 6:00 am, which was, at first, successful. Union troops stiffened and began forcing the Confederates back. Beauregard ordered a counterattack, which stopped the Union advance but did not break its battle line. At this point, Beauregard realized that he could not win and, having suffered too many casualties, he retired from the field and headed back to Corinth. On the 8th, Grant sent Brig. Gen. William T. Sherman, with two brigades, and Brig. Gen. Thomas J. Wood, with his division, in pursuit of Beauregard. They ran into the Rebel rearguard, commanded by Col. Nathan Bedford Forrest, at Fallen Timbers. Forrest’s aggressive tactics, although eventually contained, influenced the Union troops to return to Pittsburg Landing. Grant’s mastery of the Confederate forces continued; he had beaten them once again. The Confederates continued to fall back until launching their mid-August offensive.

PB270001.JPG by you.Interpretation center at Shiloh

PB270026.JPG by you.Pittsburg Landing overlooking Tennessee River

PB270060.JPG by you.Federal artillery, Schwartz’s Battery at Shiloh

PB270131.JPG by you.Confederate artillery at Shiloh, Washington (LA) artillery

PB270137.JPG by you.Confederate artillery at Shiloh, 6th Mississippi, 23rd Tennessee

PB270117.JPG by you.Sunken Road, showing position of Union forces at Shiloh in Hornet’s Nest

PB270106.JPG by you.Memorial to Minnesota artillery position at Hornet’s Nest at Shiloh

PB270096.JPG by you.Confederate Memorial at Shiloh

PB270080.JPG by you.Union artillery at Shiloh showing rifled cannon design

PB270019.JPG by you.National Military Cemetery at Shiloh Battlefield

PB270015.JPG by you.Union dead buried at Shiloh National Battlefield