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Friday, April 24, 2009

ideas on no ideas

today i was thinking about what i wrote in my last post with my comment on potential comments

"no particular need for anyone to post "cheer up little camper" comments - i just feel super sucky right now"

and i was worried i might have been rude

re-reading my words i don't think what i wrote was rude

but even so, it got me thinking, i want to make sure that i let all of you know that i appreciate your support much more than you know - really

i think about you as friends - i tell stories about my you as my friends (only sometimes mention that it a blogging relationship). i think about what you would say, or think, or suggest when i make decisions.

so, thank-you

Sicilian asked:

"Curious as to where son gets $$$$ for pot."

Up until last month he got $20 a month allowance from me. He works for my parents a few times a month making anywhere from 30-40 up to a 100 or more dollars in that month. He does spot work in the call centre. He gets cash gifts on birthday and christmas.

He is also a master of arranging group buy deals amongst his friends that end up with some surplus. Yes - almost drug dealing - or close enough for horseshoes and handcuffs - except for the lax enforcement of low dealing/buying level activity at both a policing and legal level. It meets the legal definition, but is never enforced at that level. Remember - Canada started the full scale decriminalisation of pot until Bushies had a shit fit on Canada. That was when we had a liberal government - the current conservative government wouldn't decriminalise, but they haven't turned the clock back much.

And after all that defensiveness and rationalising and minimising of my son's activities

he gets some there too.

And his buddy, who is a small dealer, just gives him some sometimes because they are friends and he shares.

That's how he does is.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

i have no idea

i have no idea of what to do

i am done my classes, my daughter is with her mother half time, and my son is still toking every day

i have no job

i have no money

i have no credit cards

i am looking for a job - any job - started on monday

i was looking at some call centre work the other day - but they don't have any right now

my employment insurance claim might not start paying until july because they appear to be counting my retirement allowance in their ineligible period/amount

i have a few hundred dollars left in my account - but not even enough to make May's rent

i'll have to talk to dad...

i gave up my credit cards to my parents in return for them paying off my balances and reducing my monthly costs by the amount of my payments

while my children are still alive - which counts as a victory of sorts - i am feeling like a failure on that front

daughter went back to her mom's half time

son is still smoking pot every day. he is spending a whole whack of time at his mom's because i banned smoking pot in the apartment once the weather changed. they smoke in the basement over there. also, his buddy (the one living in his car) is parked in front of the stbx's place and doesn't feel comfortable around me since i gave him the boot from my place

(in march i let the friend stay at my place for a week when it was minus 40. i let him stay for a week - he was all full of plans and ideas for how he would get off my couch and get his own place - i gave him another week after that first week. my mistake - i later discovered he wasn't even taking full time shifts. the second week he was at my place he didn't even take a single shift. i was soooooooo mad. he was eating my food, acting all territorial about the couch with my kids [this is the guy who lived at the stbx's right after we split, so he feels pretty at home/family with my kids - i was furious at his territoriality and let him know], and doing sweet fuck all. i was trying to do right by him and be mindful of the weather for a guy that was homeless and a friend of my son's - both kids said they were ok with it to start with. then he turned schmucky. after i booted him out he was still parking in the parking lot by my place - so i had him ticketed and towed. then i interevened to make sure he wouldn't get an apartment in the building next to mine [but all of this is another post i think]. he's a mooch, and i don't want him around)

so son is spending a bunch of time at the stbx's. and she is turning a blind eye to everything she railed on about because she'll do anything to get either or both of them to come back - and stay back

i'm looking for work

sending out inoices to my few remaining clients

begging from dad

and trying to sort out all the rest

no particular need for anyone to post "cheer up little camper" comments - i just feel super sucky right now

there is a pathway out and i am trying to stay on it

Friday, April 10, 2009

note from a friend

i made a comment in an email to a close (female) friend of mine (we are trying to arrange a lunch):

> I'll keep sending positive vibes your way, and you let me know when
> you can squeeze me in. [her name]

i would like to do more than just squeeze a visit in

but i am so paranoid that i want to be around the kids as much as possible to make it more difficult for them to fall off the edge...

and [daughter] has returned to her mother's half time...

an excerpt from her response:
"Good luck trying to keep your eye on [daughter] at all times - at least she is talking to you about these things, not just sneaking off and going it alone. I shudder to think about what I did as a teen, that my parents should never find out about, even now. I would never have contemplated talking to them about my choices or experimentations. Don't make yourself crazy over this - just stay open to talking to her and being there for her to rely on as the stable influence."

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

at least a positive

i was just looking in the freezer and fridge for what i need to get for the coming week.

and i noticed that all the whole wheat buns were gone.

and about half the whole wheat bread.

but the white bread and buns that my mom had baked and gave me was still there. my mom is one of the most amazing bakers ever - her bread is totally awesome

but my kids won't eat anything but whole wheat

that's positive

Monday, April 06, 2009

As a punishment from the gods, Sisyphus was compelled to roll a huge rock up a steep hill, but before he could reach the top of the hill, the rock would always roll back down again, forcing him to begin again - and to repeat this throughout eternity.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

i hate this

my son just came in drunk to pick a game up

him, his friend, and daughter had been drinking gin shots at their mother's while she was out

he just left again to go back because they are having supper with her this evening

i thought about calling the police or social services or someone

i asked him what he thought he was doing drinking with his sister

he said that if it wasn't him and gin, that his sister would currently be out with one of her friends - one of the bad ones (the sex and X one)

and maybe doing ecstasy - because daughter has been talking about crossing over into that scene

i do not know what to do

i told Smitten last night on the phone that i believed that daughter had made a conscious decision to become fucked up. because it took too much energy to resist and drugs and bullshit are easier.

and her mom is bribing her heavily

it is sort of like that moment in the horror movies about satanic possession when the young woman has finally beaten the possession - and then returns - pre-naturally calm - because she has given up fighting and has gone wholly over to the dark side

daughter came home on friday night and told me that her mother was taking her to a rave that night - and attending it herself. and as i stared in disbelief, daughter gleefully announced "Yeah - I know - I'm such a usurious bitch. And she's paying for everything."

Yesterday, it looked like my personal marijuana stash had been rifled and some was gone. It certainly weighed less than the last time I had weighed it. And i hadn't used any. (I described my short term use of marijuana for fibromyalgia pain in the post where's cadbury). I was keeping a gram in case I had a severe emergency/extreme pain situation (7 grams = 1/4 ounce - so 1/7th of a 1/4 ounce).

I kept it around, and hidden - not very well hidden, but away. The kids were not aware

My box of ziploc bags were on the counter when i got home from exercising. I was suspicious immediately. I had thought my daughter had searched my drawers before.

I checked my pot - scaled it (my son's specialised digital pocket scale [from the local "head shop"]) and some was missing.

I raised it with each of them separately. I didn't mince words. I advised them I had it and what it was for.

Son told me that daughter had mysteriously shown up with a small amount. That she had ripped him off already.

I told my son and my daughter that if they ever ripped me off - money, marijuana, stuff - anything - they would have to find other living arrangements. That since i couldn't prove it that i wouldn't be kicking them out at this point - but that they were on notice.

Nobody is going to start ripping me off.

When the stealing starts - it signals a whole different level of trouble.

(they both ran out of money and pot last week - son earned some since working for my parents [he took the lectures], but daughter has been avoiding them and the work they offer since the acid thing blew up - i discussed it with my parents. they were asking why i wasn't getting a job to supplement the money they were helping me with. i explained the newest developments and asked them if they thought i should - regardless of the lack of visible progress to stopping the decline of my children)

Now the kids are getting drunk. When I suggested this was an example of substance substitution like his mother (see post: Sweetened Coconut).

He said it was just a change of pace - and stumbled out the door.

i asked "Have you considered mini-golf?"

he said "Mini-golf only lasts for an hour," and the stairwell door closed behind him.

i followed to the top of the stairs and told him to hang on to the railing tightly so he didn't fall down the stairs. my next door neighbour (when i was a kid) was an alcoholic and she died falling down some stairs...

i told him to double check that there are no cars when he crosses the major street when walking from here to there because his judgment was impaired

I am at a loss

I guess I need to get on that al-anon even faster

But I don't know what to do

nothing seems to work - i will not leap into ridiculous or impulsive action

the various professionals i am working with have told me that the factor i cannot control is the constant influence of the children's mother - and that while they realise that she is a bad influence - until she overtly does something - the law won't allow them to make a case - there is not law against lousy parenting - or even constant psychological low level abuse - only laws and rules against overt and clearly definable harm. and even then it is several strikes before someone is out...

i beg and i plead for them to give me some kind of solution

but all i've got is what i've got

i felt like i had made a bit of a breakthrough last night

i got son to admit that the pot was affecting him negatively mentally and emotionally

he has to this point denied that effect

yesterday after giving him a lot of grief (not yelling, but discussion and questioning [for about one and half hours]) he finally admitted that it had an effect.

i told him that it was pretty obvious that there was a problem with a person's life when they had to smoke pot every day to get through each day. he said that it might be true, but that i had a lot more options to change my life than he did - that no matter what solution or change he came up with he would still have to go to school every day - and couldn't change that.

but he admnitted it was taking a toll

he then said "But I don't care"

but i can work with that

after he said it he went and hung his still slightly damp clothes on the drying rack

Smitten says that in a breakthrough moment like that - where someone says it out loud at last, that their demeanor and actions tell you how they are feeling about it

and that him taking some action to "control" his universe was good sign

that if he had just sat down in a helpless lump it would be much worse

that his actions spoke of an internal view that shows that he actually does know its's a problem and that he hasn't given up

now he's off with my daughter drunk

she is apparently less so

i hate this

he assured me they wouldn't drive (the friend drives) - especially since they are due for supper shortly

i'm going to the gym and to buy some vegetables for healthy meals for the coming few days

if i don't go to the gym i'll collapse

sometimes it's an escape for me when i don't know what else to do

go work out for two hours

i emerge usually with less physical manifestations of stress and a somewhat clearer head

the gym is better than pot

the gym is better than stewing

the gym is actually better than this blog and my journal that i have been writing for most of the day

but i have to get my ideas out of me

i have to have an escape valve somewhere - somehow

because on top of all of this stuff i am also dealing with a lot of things inside of me as well. i have reached a pretty critical point in my counseling - in dealing with the abuse i suffered in my marriage

and the abuse and violence i suffered as a child at school (and at the hands of my older brother and the lack of intervention by my parents). the daily beatings - the cracks on the nose to make my nose bleed every recess.

and me asking why - why didn't my parents or anyone protect me?

we went to a play at the university a few weeks ago - we didn't know - it turned out to be about an extremely imaginative child and the abuse he suffers in the schoolyard.

while the portrayal was artsy/poetic - the scenes were highly truthful

all the way to the way the kids circled the lead character like a pack of jackals. the way they took turns beating him - kicking him - never quite leting him get his bearings and keeping him disoriented. Smitten asked me if I wanted to leave after the first couple of minutes - i refused. i was not about to leave - to not bear witness - even to a fictional character's hurt

i was glad it was dark. tears streamed down all through the performance. it was so bad that at several instances - and after the performance when we went back to Smitten's house - it was so bad i almost lost control of my bodily functions

shit myself

piss myself

yeah - that bad. it's embarrassing to admit that to you - and to Smitten

my reaction was sheer terror

i had bottled up so much at the time

in not showing emotion. because any emotion or reaction just made things worse - they would make the taunting and the beatings worse

i didn't ever really understand the terror

the terror of being a child in grade school 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old - and having to go back and face that every single day - someone hitting me or taking a whack at my nose -taunting - always with the threat of violence, torture, degradation, and humiliation right behind

i hate schools and i hate teachers (sorry BG [but i like to think you would have stomped a couple of those kids if you were there])

visceral terror

and i almost lost control of my body at the age of 43

i survived that night with the railworkers (see last post an almost letter to a friend). i have survived having knives pulled on me, getting sliced by one of them, getting hit with all variety of instruments. and have not had a single boo of an effect

but that play was awful for me

so, i'm going to go to the gym

and buy some vegetables for a healthy meal

an almost letter to a friend

(started 4/2/09 10:43 PM)

dear friend,

i know you think that i am being too permissive and am not being a very good parent.

that's why you came over last Tuesday night.

you thought that me asking the kids what they thought should be done was the wrong approach - that i should be cracking down - getting hard - imposing some order

you don't have kids

you also don't do much with the bureaucracy you work within. you are special. and they let you get away with shit because you are special. your mindset is tenacious and thorough. and very black and white.

you bag bad guys. and you hand them off. and your job is done.

and you are very good at it.

you are a fixer. you don't realise it. you keep asking yourself (and me) why we are friends when you are right-wing and law and order, and i'm left-wing and mushy.

you may not remember, but we first became close friends when things broke down with my roommate and you let me sleep on your couch for 3 weeks - and use your truck when my car broke down. someone needed rescuing and you rescued them - or rather - rescued me.

(finished 4/5/09 3:40 PM)

i like you - liked you then, too. there was an almost immediate trust and loyalty. you liked my mind. i had things you wanted - a larger, non-worker-guy worldview. a worldview you wanted. language. knowledge. analysis.

and i was loyal. i was one of the few people whom you knew would never leave your back uncovered - no matter what the odds.

that's why when it was you and me and 16 railworkers in a brawl when we were bouncing that would have left us dead or hospitalised if the cops hadn't shown up - you knew you weren't alone like you had been every other time before. and why i'm always in your dreams and flashbacks of that incident.

when i was down and out and living in that attic hole in the revenue house - you gave me a job at the new bar you were security manager of - at the snazzy hotel

we did the same job we did the previous time - took the place from multiple brawls a night to weeks without any incidents - sometimes after we cleaned it up you would lose staff because the guys were itching for action and took jobs at bars they could have the occasional brawl at. we imposed order. together. you were the manager - but when the other guys questioned your approach i always backed you up - and they didn't want to challenge both of us at once.

you took your bodyguard and security training and came out top in your class. you can strip, clean and reassemble your guns very fast. you know your stuff. you work hard.

i tried to return the favour(s) that you did for me. 17 or so years ago i re-learned enough high-school algebra to help you get your general equivalency diploma. i tutored you through all your other subjects too. because you had half of grade 10, and all of grade 11 and 12 to learn. your hard work and determination did it over that year. i do not take credit. but you needed someone who believed in you - and that was only me. only me.

the STBX wasn't too thrilled with all the time that took - and led to her slow expulsion of you from my life - 'cause she's like that...

i role played for hours and hours and hours the interview panel you would have to face when you went for the job - guys with guns - guys with knives - you'd faced them all - but not a panel of five bureaucrats. that's my world.

and you got the enforcement job with the federal government - they didn't ask many of the questions i had role played (me not knowing the investigatory field your were wanting to work in), but we had been through the shittiness and the putting on the spot, so you were comfortable enough - and your knowledge of trapping and hunting from your time on the farm and in the bush gave you the ability to ask all the questions in the mock investigation - and to pass the interview with flying colours..

you were the top returning/performing investigations officer in your unit (specialised fraud investigations). you had made it out of the service industry into investigations - not the cop you wanted to be (because of your eyes and glasses) - but starting your way there. you were a sworn peace officer for our province and our country. you could compete in cop shooting events, and at cop competitions. you were half-way to your dream (and earning way better money).

but your world is still black and white.

identify problem.

remove problem

problem solved

except these are my kids

and my stbx

and they can't be removed - or controlled - or confined - or even taken to court or a hearing and punished or forced to clean up their act.

why would i allow drugs openly in my place?

because it would be bullshit to pretend i don't know they are there

because if i confiscated them or shit-fitted they would just hide them

why would i allow them to smoke them inside?

because it was -30 to -40 below outside - so they wouldn't ever smoke outside while it was that cold and windy. i had banished them to the outdoors while the weather was survivable - and have done so again.

they would always end up taking the three minute walk to the stbx's house and smoking inside the garage or the basement - and then they'd hang out there. and that is even worse for them than pot.

remember - son said he wanted to beat his mother to death with his fists - really - and meant it. said he hoped she'd die in a fire. daughter was fantasizing about stabbing her mother to death with a knife. both son and daughter were already involved in physical altercations with their mother.

their mother was losing it and had physically fought with both. son told me how he was afraid because sometimes when she was mad at him and was getting in that crazy way she would linger too long over the knife drawer in the kitchen. how his gut said he should be worried. how he slept with a knife under his pillow because he was somewhat spooked and needed it for a sense of security.

how no-one in authority can act on the crap i tell them - and want more proof than feelings and impressions and spooked - that they believe i am a good parent who is NOT just trying to stir things up.

that if my kids didn't stay here, and didn't go to their mother's to smoke their pot - that they would go to their friends' houses where they could smoke. houses in the hood. where they would be surrounded by run-aways, half street kids, and punks. where guys who belong to gangs show up. where there are drugs much harder than pot.

at least this way i can control who is allowed to be around and it will be the best of a loser crowd.

(I should point out that i have had my smoking restrictions on the apartment for all of 4 days now and my kids are spending way more time at their mother's. in only 4 days - even though the weather is better. because she will whore herself in whatever way she needs to get them back to her house - even though she talks the talk about not alowing them to partake around her - she lies. that they are already smoking in friends' cars - and driving while stoned [which is just fucking awesome from a safety standpoint - but at least the streets aren't solid ice like in the dead of winter])

my daughter was suicidal and her mother was threatening suicide as well.

i wanted her where i could watch her all the time

in January daughter did harm herself. you saw the picture - it's one of the things that shocks you. you know about teen-aged girls - your sister was/is anorexic-bulimic and spent her teen years in a group home.

at least if my children were where they needed to be i could feed them, watch them, intervene as necessary, and make sure they were exercising and sort of sleeping.

you kept saying that if social services found out i would be in trouble.

you even called a cop friend of yours to find out what they would do - they told you to tell me to call mobile crisis - which is what they do - that's cop procedure.

it was a great shock to you when we talked on the phone and i made you completely aware of who all knew of my kids' open drug use.

that i had already called mobile crisis, that i had already had my kids through social services intake, that they were under psychiatric, psychological counseling, and medical supervision - that they were in the presence of one of those three professionals every 10 days (or less)

who the fuck are you talking to, buddy?

remember - i am not just some permissive assed socialist - as you have described the bleeding hearts who annoy you

I have a fucking clue on this shit, here friend...

i was involved in writing the fucking procedures and making them public and running the public education campaigns on drug use when i was involved in government.

my high school drug use and my brother's use (FYI: not nearly as bad as my kids) prompted my mother (the ex-nurse) to start the first citywide drug education in the catholic school system back in the '80s - the principals didn't want it, but the Archbishop said "It will be done." even though mom is ukrainian orthodox - isn't even catholic. My mom would have been head of the province-wide drug education program/unit if we hadn't lost the election in '82... i know this stuff forward and backward - and stay on top of current literature.

you almost shit in your pants over the phone when i advised you that i had already been in discussion with my childrens' school principals, and with school board psychologists, and their teachers, and the dedicated full-time drug and addictions counselors at my son's schools (treatment programs brought in by our/my "permissive assed socialist" government - i might add - programs being copied all over north america)

and you almost shit when i told you that all of them - including the cop i had spoken to in the domestic violence unit after the STBX assaulted me in front of the kids - were aware that i was allowing drug use at my home. that they all agreed that my plan was the least worst scenario - and could not come up with a better plan than to try to ride it out and try to keep my children alive and safe until things ran their course.

to get them to sleep, feel safe, eat well, exercise, and go to school as often as possible and be in regular contact with medical and psychiatric/psychological professionals

that means that 7 full-time drug treatment and counseling professionals, plus doctors and teachers, and a cop could not come up with a better plan.

soon i will add al-anon, narcotics anonymous, and the health region's alcohol and drug team to my list of people who will know and be involved with this plan

yeah - i know that you have been avoiding me for a few days now. i hope that will pass. i value your friendship. i need your friendship.

but this is not a simple solution.

and for being a weak-assed permissive socialist - i seem to have some staying power, my friend.

after i go through the run-through - and people can't come up with any more solutions than i have already tried - everybody else seems to be suggesting that i just boot them - get all tough love on their asses

yeah - like i said before - that'll allow me to be all self-righteous - but will still add up to abandoning my children to their own ends. i'm not willing to do that. and personally i think it takes more strength to stay in the fight than to pull the tough-love bullshit.

if i'm not creative enough to just keep changing the scenario, to try to disrupt - at least around the edges - the situation - then i'm not much of a mind - or much of a parent

i'm not abandoning my children

that's the weak-assed permissive socialist i am

never give up

always got the other person's back

always looking out

no matter what the odds

that's why when the revolution comes

and the tanks are coming

i'll be on top of the barricade - throwing molotov cocktails - even though it's useless

because i don't give up

not until someone, or something (or I am) is dead

other than some kind of "crack-down" by an authority figure - whom you could not offer a suggestion as to whom might be effective - you were at more of a loss than me

but we'll all make through

i am a good parent

i am so sick of people (like my parents) saying:

"Isn't there something you can do?"

well, then fucking well tell me what to do!!!

should i beat the shit out them? will that work?

should i scream and jump up and down?

lock them in a treatment centre? (already checked - can't - they are full of the people who really need it - or are way past where my kids are. and the U.S. ones cost more than we can collectively afford - and why would i send my kids to the U.S. - would it help? i doubt it)

if there was an easy solution i would have implemented it. if there was a hard solution i would have implemented it.

as for me

i will keep on slogging and prepare myself for my childrens' potential death or slow decline

i and i will keep on fighting for them

every day

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

over the winter i took a few steps with regard to my children's drug use. i operated under what i termed a harm reduction strategy. i took my cues from methods of intervention used in schools, facilities and programs in various locations in Canada and the U.S.

i reviewed my actions, and what i believed my posture to be, with counselors and drug and addictions staff at the high school my son attends.

i chose to allow them to smoke pot inside the apartment while the weather was below -20C instead of banishing them to the outside or to friends places (they would also often just walk to their mother's and smoke at the house while she wasn't there).

i chose to have them do their thing at my apartment, rather than go to some of their friends' places - some of which are in "the 'hood" (or at least what we call such here) - or go to their mothers house. i chose to try to protect them, to try to ensure their safety while trying to get them to reduce their use.

i chose to attempt to educate them on the nature of drugs and to give them all the information i could find.

i thought that advising them of risks would reduce the likelihood that they would move on to harder drugs. to date, son has not moved on.

however, their use has become chronic. i still believe their use to be a symptom of other pressures, but at this point the drugs themselves are becoming a standalone problem.

yesterday i called a conference between the three of us. we talked. there were some highly tense moments (i may discuss them in a later post). at one point a friend of mine came over - he called me to see how i was doing and told him about the fact that i had been within millimetres of beating/enacting violence on both my children (literally). and that i was at that point trying to get them to discuss solutions to the situation - i cannot impose solutions - that will only drive their use underground as they ignore me.

you see - i think "tough love" is a method of avoidance for the most part. it allows the authority figure (parent) to claim the moral high ground while simply washing their hands of responsibility. i will not wash my hands of my responsibility.

engagement is much more difficult than sabre rattling. i choose to engage. i choose to persuade and attempt to lead.

i believe in a redeeming God (when i believe in God...) and a redeeming universe. i believe that the measure of a person is not how many times they fall, but how many times they pick themselves up.

my friend is a law enforcement officer (he is also an internationally known/hired bodyguard) - we were bouncers together about 20 years ago. he is currently in immigration enforcement - with his knowledge and experience he's one of the people that gets called to find and remove true slimeballs (child molesters/multiple murderes/rapists/etc) from the country. i was on mushy ground with the kids and when he said he was coming over, i said OK. i was at a bit of a loss. son was talking and debating, but daughter not so much.

history: my friend had previously asked me if there was anything he could do to help. i had asked him to give my kids a briefing on meth and MDMA (ecstasy [X]) production methods - one of my key points in harm reduction is to keep my kids away from X, meth, and crack (not much crack around here, though). my kids both have friends that are X-heads. X can be bought for as little as $1.50 (and most of it is actually meth) a hit. i figured i could keep them from moving to a cheaper and more dangerous substance by engaging with them and trying to steer them away from harder drugs by education and persuasion. i had also asked my friend to teach me a few (2 or 3) moves to deal with punks in the event of needing to rescue my kids from a bad situation (speaking of "the 'hood"). i am fully capable in a brawl - but wanted to learn few moves i had been introduced to by a cop that are used to incapacitate idiots and punks (weird thumb holds and small joint manipulation techniques). my friend teaches knife combat, stck combat, and unarmed combat at our national police academy (analogue: like if he taught at the FBI academy) and also teaches various city police forces. (no - i am not making this shit up)

he came over and talked to the kids. he took a bit of a different tack than i expected. he talked about the level of adulteration of different kinds of drugs - especially chemically based drugs - like the acid my daughter dropped - and then suggested that they both grow up. he told my son that he needed to be a man and not a punk - that being the source of the acid daughter dropped (daughter lied and told him a mutual friend wanted it [yeah - i was very unhappy with this scene in totality]) was not the actions of a man - that a man would protect his 13 year old sister and would never hand over acid to any 13 year old - especially his sister. he described a couple of the situations in our city where some whitebread folks had decided they were badass gangsters and ended up wired to chairs and tortured for his ATM PIN (white teen went to the hood to buy drugs [our racial underclass is north american indians]). another local young restaurateur (who happened to be the cousin of the stbx's sister's husband [the geophysicist]) who ended up chopped into pieces and found in parts inside a burned out car on an indian reservation (the kids had some awareness of the nature of his demise previously - but my friend added a bunch more grisly details).

blah, blah, blah

my friend left. son asked me if he could light up. i told him i wasn't going to give him permission, and i wasn't going to tell him not to - that the whole point of the episode/session was to get them to exercise judgment. i wanted to see his choice.

he lit up

i do not believe in "gateway drug" theories. i am of the opinion that an addictive personality is an addictive personality (and gene pool).

that being said - the time has come to disrupt my childrens' drug use.

my daughter has crossed the line from "organics" to chemicals - and said she'll do acid again.

harm reduction in this case has not worked. both of them are looking for escape and are only finding it in drugs.

i am taking a series of measures: no drug use in the apartment - not by them, not by their friends. daughter is no longer allowed to hang out with son and his friends. both will be required to attend narcotics anonymous and al-anon meetings with me. both are required to attend treatment/education sessions with our health district's alcohol and drugs unit. son is required to get a job.

there will be no "crashing" at the apartment when son has friends over - any sleepovers by friends will have to be pre-arranged and pre-approved. his friends will not be allowed to come over when daughter is at the apartment (she is back on week on/week off). i will be refusing to allow son to go to his best friend's house (best friend is his primary source of pot) later than 10 pm on school nights (I currently will allow 10:30-11:00). if i catch son wandering outside to get high after 10pm he will have to find somewhere else to sleep that night (he would likely go to his mom's place 3 blocks away, but hopefully it will indicate my seriousness).

it is my hope that the disruptive shockwaves of the above actions will be a starting point. the above practices and strictures are not all that inconveniencing - they will just disrupt their current pattern. much like a person who is trying to give up smoking is urged to alter their normal habits and routines in order to avoid the patterns of normal usage (like whom you go for coffee with, taking up exercise in place of coffee and a smoke - those sorts of things)

i have gotten references to a number of professionals by my daughters counsellor - a support group, professionals in the field of youth addiction, and such - i am attempting to become even more informed on the subject of addiction and dependency

i need to make sure that my actions are not co-dependent or enabling - and so far i can construe many of my actions as naively well-intentioned, and as enabling. i am not pillorying myself. i have been instrumental in keeping both of them away from X and meth - but obviously my methods have not wholly worked.

as my friend said to the kids last night (about 5 or 6 times [for my benefit, i am sure]): "Your dad, even though he knows better, still believes that love can cure everything."

daughter had a breakthrough (in my opinion) while talking with son and myself. she said that part of the reason she wants to take drugs - and wants to take acid again - is because then she doesn't feel like herself - and she hates who she is.

that she is weak and betrays people - like her brother when she betrayed him by lying and actually getting the acid for herself. like betraying me, like btraying her mother

that she feels like she is constantly lying ind betraying people (which she is and does).

we talked a bit and son pushed fairly hard (i had to get him to back off sometimes - he can be a pushy prick). daughter said that she doesn't want to ever make a mistake - so she lies and covers up - and doesn't make her true intentions known

because she hates being wrong

she hates people telling her she's wrong or doing something wrong - not because she wants to be perfect (what son tried to accuse her of) - but to avoid the pain of criticism and to avoid getting shit

the fact that she said these things out loud is significant

that means she has at least partially admitted it to herself

she said she doesn't want to live at the apartment, and she doesn't want to live with her mom - she just wants to be left alone

while at one level it is a cop-out...

she's also only 13 years old - and is still a child - and is still suffering under the pressures and chaos that has been inflicted on her

(do you think it's passing odd that daughter does this right after she goes back to her mom's place - this acting out?

my mom asked me "Why does she only do it to you? Why not to [stbx]?"

my counselor said "In young children they most often act out with the people they feel the safest with, and the closest to. There is no reason to think that this behaviour would change in an adolescent - or even an adult.")

son has a dependency issue

have to fix that

i need to

take steps


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Nov 10, 2008

Hazelnut Torte - Paganini

Hello, my dear foodies! Thank you for all your kind words, and support in my time of absence. I am very busy, but will be dropping by more, hopefully! Today is my daughter's B-Day, and I wanted to share with you this wonderful cake I made for her. Happy Birthday baby!

Hazelnut Torte (Paganini)

First make the two fillings.
Chocolate filling:
5 egg yolks, and 1 whole egg
50 g/1.75 oz dark chocolate
150g/ 5.25 oz sugar
250g/ about 9 oz butter or margarine, unsalted

Mix egg yolks, egg, and sugar until nicely incorporated, and then cook, with chocolate, in a double boiler. Cool down completely, and then add butter, or margarine cut into thin slices, and mix until smooth. Let it sit in the fridge until needed.

Vanilla filling:
4 egg yolks
5 Tbs corn starch
1 vanilla sugar (9g/0.32 oz)
6 Tbs sugar
0.7 l/ 3 cups milk
0.5l/2 cups whipped cream, whipped + 1 stabilizer
(I use the whipped cream powder, 3 x (40g/1.41oz) with about 1 ½ cups milk)

Mix egg yolks, vanilla sugar, sugar, and corn starch with about half cup milk (taken from the 3 cups). Let the remainder of milk boil, and when it comes to boil, pour in the mixture, and stir constantly until nice and thick. Cool down completely, and then gradually add the whipped cream, whipped with stabilizer. Vanilla cream, when cooled may be very tough to mix, and blending the whipped cream in can be a bit challenging, so add the whipped cream, mix a little, then cool again, and mix some more until smooth. If you mix it in one round, you will find that it can heat up, and become runny! Thanks to Jenn, I am making these corrections.

For the base:
10 egg whites
280g/ about 10 oz sugar
280g/ about 10 oz roasted, finely ground hazelnuts
2 Tbsp baking cocoa powder

Preheat oven to 395 F. Mix egg whites until stiff, slowly adding sugar, then hazelnuts with cocoa powder. Bake in a large spring form pan (8"), or a square 9”x13” baking pan. Either use parchment paper, or grease the dish before baking. Baking time depends on your oven, check often. As usual, it is done when the toothpick comes out clean.

Cool down the cake, then poke it all over, and soak (but not to much) with milk. Put the cake on a stand of your choice, then put the spring form ring part back on (or around it, you know), and then put the fillings, that’s how you get perfect layers, and everything is kept in place, and evenly spread. When ready to serve, or giveaway (yeah, right), you just do the finishing touch. Fist top it with the chocolate filling, then vanilla, then decorate as you wish; whipped cream on the top works the best, but you can also sprinkle the top with coarse ground hazelnuts.

This cake is a true bite of heaven, prepare it to compliment a simple dinner! Enjoy!

Recipe adapted from Coolinarika.

HoneyB said...

Medena, it is so good to see you again! Your daughter has an awesome birthday cake! Looks so delicious! Happy Birthday to her!

maslinka said...

Prvo srećan rođendan ćerkici a drugo ovo izgleda i više nego fenomenalno... ma savršeno u svakom pogledu...:)

Marija said...

Happy birthday to your little girl! I missed you so much! Glad you're back!

Medena said...

Thank you girls! Missed you all too!

Eunice said...

That looks SO good!!! Awesome photography and wonderful cake creation! I'm so jealous. Wish your daughter a happy birthday from me! :)

amritac said...

Oh...yum! That cake is simply gorgeous!

Alejandra said...

oh my gosh! That looks amazing! Amazing! And I'll bet it tasted even better...

RecipeGirl said...

Nice to see you posting! What a beautiful cake... happy bday to your daughter!

Jerry said...

Beautiful cake! Sounds fabulous. Lucky girl with a great mom to make her a cake.

Minja said...

Happy birthday to your daughter :)
Cake is beautiful !

Dani said...

i have dessert envy!

Megan said...

oh my goodness, now THAT is my idea of a birthday cake! this sounds absolutely irresistible, now i've just gotta find an excuse to make it :)

Maja said...

wMedena, what a wonderful cake and happy birthday to your daughter! I sometimes come to your blog just to stare at the gorgeous pictures!

Ingrid said...

Gorgeous cake! I love the distictive layers! Great photos, too!

Anonymous said...

I definitely want to try out this recipe that you shared! Just a quick question, for the base, you said to "soak" the cake with milk. Will you help clarify this?

Thanks again!

Medena said...

You'll love it! For the base, once it cools, you poke it with a toothpick all over. Then you warm some milk, just luke warm, and sort of drizzle over the base, to assure it's moist. Not to much, maybe 6-7 tablespoons.
Most recipes, like this one, don't call for this, but I always do it, and it's much better, makes it moist, and nicer to eat.

cakebaker_cakemaker said...

This looks gorgeous...I had the same question about the milk, thanks for the tip.
Do you think a coffee liqueur would be okay instead of the milk?

Medena said...

Cakebaker, I think coffee liqueur would be great! You don't need much, so you won't owerwhelm it, just jazz it up! Now I am thinking about other options, thanks for that question. Let me know if you try!

farida said...

Medena, so nice to see you back blogging! Wow, what a great comeback - this cake looks so good! Better than any storebought!

I just saved the recipe. It looks too good to miss. One question. How do you top the fillings on top of the base layer so neatly? Do you use a springform for that?

farida said...

Oh, how could I forget. Happy BIRTHDAY TO YOUR LITTLE PRINCESS! Kiss her for auntie Farida:)

farida said...

How silly of me - yod did mention a springform. So, you keep the base in it and top it the 2 fillings and only after you are done you remove the sides of the springform? Is that how you did it? Please educate me:)

Medena said...

Thank you Farida for kind words and B-day wishes for my girl!

Here is the answer to your Q:
I bake the base, cool it down, transfer it from the springform onto a plate/cake stand, then put the springform ring back around it, and then do the fillings, and let it cool like that, all together.
Then you cut along the form with the knife, so it comes of easier and nicer; lift the form gently, and you get those pretty layers. Hope I made it clear :)
I know you will love this cake!

chriesi said...

Stunning! Best whishes to your daughter!

Eileen said...

Today is my husband's birthday. He would love this cake!

taste memory said...

hi Medena ~ you've been missed, but totally understand! sometimes we must just LIVE! happy birthday to your daughter - what a beautiful cake ;-)

Jenn said...

In the process of making this for my husband's birthday tomorrow! I have the chocolate filling and cake made, and will make the vanilla filling tomorrow Did you chill the cake in between making the layers?
Any other tips??

Thanks! I hope my husband likes this :-D

Medena said...

Hi Jen! I am so glad you are making this! So, you have made the toughest parts, great! I usually make it all and assemble it as soon as everything is cool. However, it doesn’t matter. If you made the cake, and chocolate filling it should be perfectly fine to finish it off tomorrow. If you haven’t already put the chocolate filling on the cake, you can do that tonight. That way the cake part will not get dry.

Sprinkling the cake with some lukewarm milk is just an option, but you should probably do it. Oh, do remember, I should probably add this to the directions, to put the cake on a stand of your choice, then put the spring form ring part back on (or around it, you know), and then put the fillings, that’s how you get perfect layers, and everything is kept in place, and evenly spread. . Then you just take it off when ready to do the finishing touch.

I do chill the cake in between making the layers, but I usually make the fillings first, so they are cool and ready once the cake is done and chilled. In any event, I think you shouldn’t worry about anything, you did the hard part, just top it with that vanilla filling. Happy Birthday to your Husband! Mine is coming up soon…

jenn said...

thank you for the tips! will report back tomorrow after the cake is hopefully devoured :)

jenn said...

Finally I return with a full report :)

The cake was delicious, totally wonderful, and my husband was very impressed. I took a major chance in trying a new recipe on his birthday, but YAY, it paid off!

There are a few things that I would like to improve however, and hopefully you have some advice...

I used a large springform, but for me that is a 10 inch, and next time I would use my 8 inch springform. I wasn't sure how long to cook the chocolate mixture, so I cooked it until it reached 160, to make sure the eggs were safe. The vanilla pudding mixture was incredible, though I am wondering if the whipped cream powder you used has stabilizers in it? The vanilla layer was very soft with the addition of the freshly whipped cream, and when I removed the springform, the top half of the cake kind of fell off the bottom half. I was able to repair it, but it essentially would not stay atop the cake. I had chilled the cake in between the chocolate and vanilla layer and had also chilled the completed cake for several hours before attempting to remove the form.

Aside from it not exactly standing upright, it was perfect! We also had to freeze some of it, and it has frozen very well. I will definitely make this again soon.

Thank you!

Medena said...

Thank you so much for your report! I am glad you liked it, and consider making it again. You have no idea how much I appreciate your comments, and based on them I need to make minor corrections which can make a big difference : )

Like for the vanilla cream, I use the powdered whipped cream, and I bet it had stabilizers in it, and I didn’t think of mentioning that if you use whipping cream, you would need stabilizer also. I’m correcting that.
Also, you have to completely chill the vanilla cream, and then add whipping cream (with stabilizer, now we know: ). Perhaps, use additional tablespoon of corn starch next time, it can’t do any harm, it will just make it thicker. But cooling it completely is the key. Also, don’t over mix it, as mixing with a mixer can produce heat. Maybe mix for a while, and let it cool again, and then mix some more to make it smooth.
Based on this I need to correct another recipe, in regards to stabilizer. Thanks!

For the spring form pan, there was no size on it, but I bet mine is 8’, (I’m still locked into metrics, and can’t get used to inches and such) so I’m going to put that in the recipe.
I can’t help with baking time, that really depends on many elements. But, with this cake it is OK to open the door, and check with the toothpick. I would think usually 30-40 minutes…
I am happy you liked the taste, and hope you make it again. Please let me know if you do, and what were the outcomes!

Jenn said...

Oh I am definitely making this again! Most likely around Christmas, unless my husband requests it sooner. You should have seen the gigantic piece he had today from the freezer--and he is the one who doesn't typically like sweets.

Anyway, I appreciate your tips...I forgot to say that I decorated the top with powdered cocoa, drizzled dark chocolate, and whipped cream frosting piped into swirls. The whipped cream frosting I made by whipping heavy cream with confectioners sugar. I wonder if I used that instead of the pure whipped cream for the vanilla layer, but I'd probably want to cut down on the sugar in the pudding then.

Seriously, the combination of flavors and sweetness in this dessert is perfect!

The cake portion worked out well, and pouring a few tablespoons of milk over it after it had cooled was brilliant. I loved the texture.

Now I am on to look at your other recipes...That corn bread looks like it might be next on the list.

Ill let you know when I make the cake again!

alicia said...

This looks amazing!!! Yumm!!

andjela said...

Sutra svom sinu za punih mjesec dana pravim baš ovu tortu koju već dugo mjerkam.Jedva čekam da je isprobam. Javljam kako je ispalo!

Anonymous said...

I really love your recipes, however they are not easy to follow. I realize that many things are added in the comments below, however, while cooking it gets complicated. It would be great if you said how long to cook things, such as the chocolate mixture or the base part (even just if approximate). Or even what texture something should be, such as the vanilla mixture. What temperature do you heat the milk at... do you add the egg mixture all at once? I'm assuming you stir constantly. I found this recipe lacking some of the detail necessary to properly cook this. This turned out so so for me, but a little more guidance could have made it great. A little more detail would keep us all from guessing.

Medena (-Melitta-) said...

Anonymous - I'm so sorry, I guess it just comes with experience, and I agree that many of the recipes I post are perhaps hard to follow, and a lot of creams can turn out wrong, but I get recipes from many different sources, and they are even less descriptive in original form many times.
Few tips you can save forever:
- Any creams that are cooked in a double boiler (pan over pan) are cooked until they start to thicken, time varies, and then when you cool them completely, they can be really thick, and hard to incorporate butter into, but those are the best tasting creams in my opinion.
For cake bases I just watch the progress with oven light on, and I just know when they're done, and most of them,unless recipe forbids, you can open the oven door and poke the cake base with a toothpick, if it comes out clean, it's done.
If you ever have any questions please email me, I'll be happy to answer, and if you want to try another recipe I'll describe it in more detail, I really have no time right now to redo all the recipes, but I'll try my best to be more detailed in future.
Cheers! Happy upcoming Holidays! :)

Craft Fairy said...

This is one really delicious looking dessert. I have friends coming for dinner next week and you've made me decide to cook them this. I'm sure that they will be most impressed. I'll let you know.

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed,
design. Found this here on [url=]RVs[/url]

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text:
Mathematicians denounce SA xenophobia

AIMS founder, Professor Neil Turok

AIMS founder, Professor Neil Turok

CAPE TOWN, (CAJ News) – THE African Institute for Mathematical Science (AIMS) has condemned recent attacks on foreign nationals in South Africa.

The organisation said the xenophobia had caused irreparable damage to the country.

AIMS founder, Professor Neil Turok, said he was deeply shocked and saddened by the recent violence.

“It is clear that there are deeper socio-economic catalysts that have brought South Africa to this point. A motivating factor for the foundation of AIMS was to address these issues by creating an environment in which Africa’s brightest students can become innovators who propel scientific, education and economic self-sufficiency.

“If we focus on the solutions, we can move not only South Africa but the continent forward towards sustainable prosperity and avoid conflict that leads to irreparable damage such as loss of life,” Turok said.

The condemnation follows similar sentiments by Department of Science and Technology Minister Naledi Pandor.

“Without the experience and expertise of these esteemed colleagues (from other African countries), who also fulfill the valuable role of mentors and guides to young South Africans, science and technology in our country would be very much the poorer.

“Let us also not forget that during their exile from South Africa, due to the denial of access to education opportunities by the apartheid regime, many South African scientists benefited from training and education in other African states,” Pandor said.

The ongoing xenophobic violence in South Africa erupted in certain parts of Durban two weeks ago, and then spread to other parts of the country, including the Johannesburg CBD.

Seven people are reported to have been killed with more than 2 000 others displaced from their homes.

The violence has been attributed to various historical, social and economic factors- with key drivers being poverty, unemployment and poor access to education, leaving migrants and the poorest South Africans competing for scarce jobs to make a menial living.

AIMS is first pan-African network of centres of excellence, which established its first centre in 2003 in Cape Town, provides innovative training and research opportunities in mathematical sciences to brilliant students from across Africa.

Since its inception, AIMS’ objective has been to enable Africa’s youth to shape the continent’s future through Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths (STEM) education.

The organisation, which has centres in South Africa, Ghana, Senegal, Cameroon and Tanzania, offers Master’s coursework in mathematical sciences and is focused on scientific training, cutting-edge research and public engagement.

“We believe that many of the socio-economic stress factors that lead to conflict in Africa stem from insufficient investment in education and skills training,” said Thierry Zomahoun, President and CEO of AIMS.

“At AIMS, we embrace a spirit of pan-Africanism, where students from across Africa work together in a 24-hour live-work environment focused on applied solutions to development and globalchallenges.

” In this environment, our students also embrace tolerance, which curbs any stereotypical misconceptions the students may have about each other, and fosters friendship and collaboration- key elements for individual, national and continental growth,”.

AIMS has produced 748 mathematical scientists from 42 African countries including 240 women.

– CAJ News

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text:
“What his right name is I’ve never heard. But around here, he’s known as Strider.”

Strider Strider. The one cat who adopted us. Our vet puts his birthday at May 4th, 2011. (“Mayday! Mayday!”)

Strider was found in our garage hiding under the hood of my car. At the time he was just a small 1 pound feral kitten. He proceeded to run away and hide in various places before finally getting cornered and caught. Of course when Strider was caught, he decided to bite in retaliation. When we took him to the vet that morning, Strider again bit a vet tech. Strider spent at least the first full week meowing constantly the whole time he was awake, trying to cry to find his mother.

He has always remained a scardy-cat , though he’s getting more brave as he learns to trust us more as he gets older. Strider still hates thunder, if you hold large pieces of clothing, if you move something near him, and probably other things I’m missing. He used to be scared of drawers opening and would dart away when we walked upstairs. Now he approaches, well at least me, several times a day. He’s learned to climb our newest cat tower on his own without fearing fearful for being up so high. Strider has also figured out how to get down from the cat tower.

Strider is a very smart kitty. Put cat treats in a bag, in a container, and he’ll find a way to break into all of it. His favorite cat toy as a kitten was the Peek-A-Prize box. In a couple of minutes he would fish out all of the toy balls inside the box. I would have to put them back in, and Strider would fish them out again. He has also recently learned from Kero that he too can drink out of the sink. Strider just observed, and then did the same thing. I told you, he’s scary smart.

Strider has been very fortunate to be adopted and accepted by our boys Boo & Kero. They all snuggle with each other, groom each other, head butt, and so on. It has helped him to deal with losing his family, dealing with how to become an indoor cat, dealing with his fears, and so on.

We strongly suspect that Strider is a Maine Coon. He has the beard, the toe tuffs, the fluffy tail, the size. All he is lacking is the ear fur tufts. Strider also used to chatter a lot as a kitten, but has been growing out of that. I think it’s because the other cats don’t chatter, so Strider must have learned his chattering is an odd cat behavior.

We have no idea where Strider came from. There is a drainage area behind our house. Or he could have hitched a ride on my car when I made a stop nearby home the night before he was discovered. So since we don’t know his history, I named him Strider for his mysteriousness.


text:
Work In Progress: quality of jobs, not workers, at core of flawed foreign worker program

Could an overhaul of the Temporary Foreign Worker program improve the quality of McJobs?

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At this point, you’d have to actively try not to find controversy surrounding Canada’s Temporary Foreign Worker program.

From its inception, the system invented to bring workers from outside the country to fill jobs that Canadians can’t or won’t do has been fraught with allegations of impropriety — everything from abuses against foreign workers, to wage discrimination, to bumping Canadians from their  jobs.

The latest outrage surrounding several McDonald’s franchises in Victoria, B.C. and a pizza restaurant in Weyburn, Sask., where workers say they were turfed in favour of foreign hires, has Canada’s Employment Minister Jason Kenney considering barring the fast-food industry from using the program altogether.

Let us pause for a moment and contemplate the possible effects of such a decision. Maybe workers who really want and like those jobs – like the aforementioned Weyburn waitresses – would have more job security. Maybe northern Alberta would face a critical shortage of Happy Meals. And maybe, just maybe, employers would have to focus on improving the jobs that continually go empty — the ones that linger at the bottom of the labour food chain.

Employment Minister Jason Kenney has said he doubts whether fast-food outlets in urban centres really need to fill jobs with foreign workers.

Employment Minister Jason Kenney has said he doubts whether fast-food outlets in urban centres really need to fill jobs with foreign workers.

I don’t just mean improve the pay. I mean improve the job – make it better: more fulfilling, stimulating, enjoyable, stable, social and all the other things people look for from work that doesn’t appear on a pay stub.

The biggest problem with the TFW program isn’t that it seems vulnerable to abuse by employers looking for cheap, disposable labour. It’s the underlying assumption the program is based on: that it is inevitable, and acceptable, to have a class of jobs that are so onerous, dangerous, boring, demoralizing, dehumanizing, dead-end, or poorly compensated that anyone who can opt out will take the first available exit.

And that class of jobs is growing.

In my months of research on the state of jobs in Canada the phrase “race to the bottom” has come up more times than I can count. There is a trend in this country toward regarding all workers as temporary, Canadian or not.

At the same time as we have become reliant on TFW’s to fill our low-paying, low-skilled service-sector positions, tenets from the McJob world have crept into workplaces across many industries.

From sandwich servers to video game designers, university professors, teachers and geologists, jobs are increasingly becoming destabilized, de-personalized and streamlined to fit seamlessly into a global market place and boost the bottom line.

This is not to say there aren’t employers out there going the extra mile for their workers, including some enrolled in the TFW program. Or that some workers won’t slack off on the job regardless of incentives to do otherwise.

But why is it that the quality of the worker, not the job,  is most often blamed for the persistent labour shortages affecting certain sectors?

Dan Kelly, president of the Canadian Federation for Independent Business, summed up this default position when speaking in defence of the TFW program to the Globe and Mail recently:

“It’s politically incorrect to say, but I’ve got hundreds and hundreds of pages of comments from business owners telling me that finding people who are available to work and will show up with a smile on their face, and not be on their phone for half the shift, is getting increasingly difficult to do,” he said.

“Terrific Canadian workers aren’t as plentiful as the employers need.”

Where, one might retort, is the pressure on employers to provide the terrific jobs Canadians need?

A temporary foreign worker from Sri Lanka gets trained for his job at a Boston Pizza in Olds.

A temporary foreign worker from Sri Lanka gets trained for his job at a Boston Pizza in Olds.

In a culture that increasingly prizes a university education and prestigious professional designations, not many Canadians who wind up making a career out of flipping burgers or cleaning hotel rooms are going to smile at the prospect of the work itself.  But a work environment that demonstrates investment in employees by allowing for some ownership, independence, dignity and stability on the job – not to mention time in their lives for what truly makes them smile – can vastly improve the experience, and hence the dedication, of workers.

But the trend among employers in Canada is just the opposite. Canadian companies lag behind international counterparts when it comes to investing in job training to help Canadians qualify for available jobs and grow with them. Meanwhile contract and temporary positions are fast becoming the norm in many sectors, accounting for nearly a quarter of overall job growth in Canada during the last decade.

Any expert on job-satisfaction will tell you a paycheque alone is not sufficient compensation to inspire loyalty. A respectful work environment that allows for autonomy, creativity, growth, social inclusion and stability is necessary to foster what academics call “labour attachment” – the willingness to stick around at your job. Even more so if the expectation is that you do it with a smile.

That’s precisely what’s missing from your average McJob. And something more employers need to offer if they want to get the best out of their workers, no matter where they are from.

Update: McDonald’s Canada has suspended its use of the temporary foreign worker program until allegations of abuse have been cleared up, the owners of Brothers Pizza and Grill in Weyburn, Sask., vehemently deny anyone was fired in favour of TFWs, and Employment Minister Jason Kenney has put a moratorium on the food service industry using the TFW programs.

Work In Progress is a year-long investigation into the changing world of work in Canada. Have a story to tell or a perspective to share? Don’t hesitate to get in touch:

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text:
When to listen, when not

I'm in the middle of renovating my house. It was build in 1947 and there are "problems". I am glad I bought this house. It has been wonderful.

I was thinking back to the Home Inspection. The home inspector found so many problems it was depressing. I liked the house and the area and decided to ignore his advice - a great decision.

Really good Home Inspectors should not be giving any advice - simply there to tell you what is wrong with the property. Some Home Inspectors overstep their job description.

  1. 一個人的價值，應該看他貢獻了什麼，而不是他取得了什麼....................................................................

  2. 向著星球長驅直進的人，反比踟躕在峽路上的人，更容易達到目的。............................................................

  3. If you are going to purchase any home at any place then you should hire an Certified Home Inspector so that you can get all information about that home and you can take help from site and you can get an licensed home inspector from this site!!

  4. 不要讓挫敗把你擺平,再給自己一個機會,從新再出發............................................................

  5. 知識可以傳授，智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。............................................................

  6. 生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰；寫作是坐著審判自己。..................................................

  7. Yes,while renovating the house, we come across many problems.But Home Staging Training resolves all our problems and feel easy to do this.

  8. While renovating our house, we faced so many problems, but the
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  9. I am glad that you found a house that suits you. A good home inspector will tell you about the present state of the systems and components in the home, and where there are problems, should indicate how the problem should be resolved. The decision as to whether to buy or not, is not one that falls within the purview of an inspector; each buyer must make their own decision based on their own budget, experience, and their measure of the pros and cons of that particular home.

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  10. Home Inspections
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  11. Home Inspectors don't give advice they make recommendations from their reports. Of what have they seen in the property during inspections. The report tells you the present condition of your home and being aware of it already it is the owners decision on what to do next.

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  12. Hi there!

    I'm Chris, and I'm a huge reader of your blog. Just wanted to let you know I love your writing! Keep it up!

    I'm a student at the University of Calgary, and just recently along with two other fellow students I created a video about our idea to make our University a greener place. Here's a quick summary:

    "Revitalize sustainability measures, increase fitness and lessen the negative environmental impact of elevators by promoting existing stairway infrastructure through auditory/visual enhancements, nature themes, educational eco-facts and sustainability-focused features."

    We would be honored if you could help us reach our goal of getting the most votes - the team that wins earns their university $100,000 to implement the environmental solution!!!

    If you could, please feature this story and help us build awareness to combat this growing dilemma. You can find our video at

    Thank you so much!!!

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  13. Maybe some home inspectors just not responsible about their job and it's sad to know their being irresponsible.
    I'm from Bridgeport Single Family Homes concern about the issue.

  14. There are many home inspectors which are licensed and certified and they have complete idea about the complete condition of homes. I have finalized a house near redondo Beach and am searching for a good Home Inspector.

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  15. Hi

    Tks very much for post:

    I like it and hope that you continue posting.

    Let me show other source that may be good for community.

    Source: Building inspector job description

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  17. Home inspector should have full knowledge about general things like frame construction, electrical and plumbing systems, heating and cooling systems, conditions of other structures in the home.

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  20. I am thinking of buying a new furnace from Calgary when I'm up there visiting next.

  21. Well, I think its really too old and definitely need a renovation and I am sure you want to give it a modern look,
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  22. I can definitley relate to the "not so fun-ness" of home renovations. We just redid our garage door in Calgary ... Not something I ever want to go through again.

  23. Wow! Thanks for this post! I have learned so much about heating system inspection in Montreal, QC, Canada! Thanks again!

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  27. this is to informative post to every house holder. because house inspection is must to do.
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  31. Good and informative article. Home inspection is an assessment of the visible and available systems and works of a home while an appraisal is accomplished by a professional appraiser to decide fair market value of the property.

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  33. Really good Home Inspectors should not be giving any advice - simply there to tell you what is wrong with the property. Some Home Inspectors overstep their job description. Then you should take own decision after full satisfaction of property. Thanks
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Find a Car Accident Lawyer near Silver Strand Silver Strand Beach Oxnard California

Many people in Silver Strand Silver Strand Beach Oxnard California decide to hire an accident attorney after they’ve been associated with an auto accident that results in accident and monetary losses.

Why Should You Employ a Lawyer?

Technically, you can file an accident claim against an insurance company by yourself. Some individuals select this path when they’ve suffered only moderate injuries and have the time to research the legal claims process themselves. Also, skipping an attorney will conserve you some cash in legal charges.

An accident attorney– particularly an individual injury lawyer– can help you go up against huge automobile insurance coverage companies and their group of legal representatives. Your attorney currently understands the accident laws and procedural rules and can effectively handle all the legwork for you. She or he will serve as your supporter throughout the whole case.

Due to the fact that an insurance provider’s lawyers have the knowledge to minimize settlement and even deny the claim entirely, employing an accident attorney is the very best option for individuals who:

  • Have suffered serious injuries.
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  • Have actually experienced a significant loss of salaries due to their injuries.

Reasons to Speak with an Accident Attorney

If any of the following apply to you, think about working with an accident lawyer.

  • Auto Accident Injuries
  • Severe Injuries

Typically, the intensity of your accidents is measured by the:

  • Type of injury (or injuries) you’ve sustained.
    Length of time it takes (or will take) for you to recover.
  • Expense of medical expenses (and other restorative treatments) you have actually incurred.
  • This likewise can consist of the approximated expense of future medical procedures.

Long-Term or Completely Disabling Injuries

Generally speaking, a long-term injury is one that lasts for around a year or longer, while a long-term injury is one that disables you for life. These kinds of accidents seriously impact your capability to end up being and remain employed– not to mention the quality of your life.

Proving long-term and permanently disabling injuries can be tricky service, and your personal injury lawyer probably will consult with each medical professional you’ve seen. He or she even might request the presence of your medical professionals during any legal proceedings.

Challenged Liability

When an insurance company challenges its policyholder’s liability for the car crash, the company is essentially saying that the insurance policy holder is not at fault (or is at least declaring you do not have adequate evidence of fault) and, therefore, the insurance provider is not responsible for spending for your damages.

An accident attorney in Silver Strand Silver Strand Beach Oxnard CA will help you offer this proof and reveal that the other party was certainly at fault.

Refusal to Pay

Refusal to pay (which can but does not always come from a disputed liability) or refusal to pay a reasonable quantity is when an insurer outright will not make a reasonable settlement offer– or any deal at all.

Tips for Employing an Accident Legal Representative

Because of possible situations such as statutes of restrictions (which can differ by state), it is very important to work with an injury attorney and get the claims process going as rapidly as possible; however, you do not wish to work with the first lawyer for whom you see a billboard on the highway.

Think about these ideas as you search for the ideal accident attorney.

Accident Focus

Just as there are various medical professionals who concentrate on many different areas of medication, there is a large range of lawyers from which to choose.

As you choose your accident lawyer, make sure she or he concentrates on accident mishaps.

Lastly, evaluate your comfort level with the attorney.

You can begin determining your convenience level from the beginning (for example, how do you feel about the attorney’s success rate with car accident cases?) and continue beyond the time you hire him or her.

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Just keep in mind, you suffered accident near Silver Strand Silver Strand Beach Oxnard and financial loss due to an auto accident you think somebody else caused. Utilize these pointers– and trust your gut– as you look for the ideal accident lawyer.


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Prepping the wife and/or girlfriend

In today's weird world, you may think that you need to get something to help your wife and/or girlfriend to protect themselves. Just don't do what this guy did!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the

 The recliner was upside down and about
   8 feet or so from where it originally was.

 My triceps, right thigh and both
  nipples were still twitching.

 My face felt like it had been shot up
  with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

 I had no control over the drooling.

 Apparently I had crapped in my shorts,
  but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of
  smell was gone.

 I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
  head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

Join the APN Forum at www.AmericanPreppersNetwork.net
Visit the California Forum at www.CaliforniaPreppersNetwork.net

Grey said...
January 8, 2011 at 4:29 PM

Thats classic

Chief Instructor said...
January 9, 2011 at 10:33 AM

OMG, I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard!

Loco Gato said...
January 9, 2011 at 8:32 PM

Everytime I re-read it I laugh harder! The picture it paints is priceless!!

Anonymous said...
January 12, 2011 at 11:31 AM

That is too funny. I can see me doing something like that. Thanks for sharing your personal mugging, I needed that, I laughed so hard I also had tears running down my face.

Curtis said...
January 23, 2011 at 9:38 AM

Now that we know it works, can we have the make and model?

Thanks for testing it out!

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Widdicombe Farm Caravan & Camping Park

  • widdicombe44widdicombe44
  • 2557_OK_18653-widdicombe12557_OK_18653-widdicombe1
  • 2557_OK_18654-widdicombe22557_OK_18654-widdicombe2
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Campsites Category: Adults Only, Caravan Pitches, Motorhome & Caravan Storage, Pets Allowed, and Statics - Holiday/Residential

  • Widdicombe Farm

    Set in 8 acres of land, Widdicombe Farm is a family-run and fully licensed ADULTS ONLY touring park. The touring park is set on a lovely 650 acre farm that is set in an Area of Outstanding Beauty. Widdicombe Farm is the only touring park within the boundary of Torquay.

    The park has easy access as there are no winding narrow country lanes to deal with and this is no tiresome reversing if you should run into other traffic on the way to the park.

    Widdicombe Farm is able to offer their guests a friendly and personal service because their site is family-owned and run and they live within their park. They supervise the park during the day and the nights at the site are very peaceful. Many guests return to the site again and again. Some even say it is like a home away from home. The park advises that you book in advance to secure your place.

    The site offers over 200 pitches that are all level and spacious. They are all-weather pitches that feature adjacent parking.
    We now have Premium pitches available, details on request.
    They have individually marked their pitches so that you can guarantee your place with advance booking.
    They have placed plenty of water and disposal points throughout their site.
    Widdicombe Farm features an on-site shop, restaurant, laundry room and a clubhouse that offers free quality entertainment. They keep their facilities immaculately maintained.

    Over 60’s discounts available  Or Book 7 nights and Pay for 6 (Standard pitches only)

    Widdicombe Farm has 3 holiday caravans for hire. They are 28′ x 10′. Each features its own decking so that you can sit outside. The caravans are surrounded by fencing for the privacy of guests. They are located in a small, secluded and hedged field and is used only for these 3 caravans.

    The field that the caravans are in is adjacent to the site’s touring park. Caravan renters are welcome to use the park’s facilities including the shop, restaurant, laundry room and clubhouse.

    All of the caravans have a lounge and dining area that includes colour TV and gas heating. They all have 2 bedrooms with a sofa in the lounge that converts into a double bed, making it possible to sleep up to 6 people. The first bedroom has a double bed and a wardrobe fitment. The second has twin single beds and a wardrobe fitment.

    Each has a kitchen that is fully-fitted with a stainless steel sink unit, a full size cooker, fridge, microwave, kettle and toaster. Their bathrooms have a cubicle shower, was basin and a toilet.

    Every caravan include duvets, pillows, crockery, cutlery and cooking utensils. The site provides bed linen but guests need to bring their own towels, tablecloths and tea towels.

    Widdicombe Farm offer storage facilities and seasonal pitches.

    Visit the Widdicombe Farm website for further information

    Widdicombe Farm

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  • Tour Caravan Pitches: Yes
    Motor Home Pitches: Yes
    Caravan Hire: Yes
    Adults Only: Yes
    Car Parking: Yes
    Dogs allowed: Yes
    Drinking Water: Yes
    Electric Hook-up: Yes
    Food Shop: Yes
    Gas Cylinder Available: Yes
    Launderette: Yes
    Licensed Club - Pub: Yes
    Restaurant/Cafe: Yes
    Shower Facilities: Yes
    Wheelchair Access: Yes
    Wireless Internet: Yes


text:
Successful Internet Job posting – Part 3

Read the guide for employment
Most job boards have a term with the members / users to adopt – take advantage of their services. It is important that business owners understand the concepts of work and search for the best results. It is typical for job boards and standards for quality control to remove or edit up to 25% of all jobs as inappropriate. Most of the worksheets you do not record e-mail addresses, URLs, with copyrighted content, comments, defamatory, false, incorrect or misleading, illegal or unethical. The jobs that encourage job seekers to provide more information in general is prohibited.

Contractors must immediately be followed by all qualified applications submitted. Peter Weddles saying “Speed is in place to recruit the best talent.” For ten days lost 10% of people looking for jobs. Desirable When someone is identified, it is important to take steps to the right. today’s recruitment market is very competitive and the cycle of intake should not let the dead time between interview times internally and in the final selection. contractors must not allow the candidates to work suspended for more than 5-7 days without regular follow-up meetings. Otherwise, the risk of losing their jobs altogether. Leaders should in all important speech. Includes command allows job seekers to believe that it is important to take the position, and has been personally selected as “candidate selection” in brass. Contractors will begin to complete the transaction as soon know that they want to hire someone. They should not be left in place until the offer is on the table and adopted.

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