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About Me

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I helped create Google Cardboard and Google Earth VR. Current interests include virtual reality, machine learning, and Bitcoin.

Homebrew Oculus Rift Eye Tracker

No case, for now
I recently purchased two commercial eye trackers: the Tobii EyeX and the Eye Tribe tracker, both $99. I'm excited about the possibilities for eye tracking as an input method and for telepresence, but the reality of these trackers is disappointing. The accuracy is so bad that they can't possibly be used as mouse replacements. To make a click target large enough to hit reliably, it would have to be about 1/4 of the screen width and height; anything else would just be too small.

These trackers are trying to solve a harder problem than they need to, though. They're several feet away from the eyes, and they have to deal with arbitrary head motion and variable lighting. For virtual reality, we can fix all of these problems by building eye tracking into a head-mounted display. The camera can be fixed to the head and mere inches from the user's eye, in a completely controlled lighting environment. Accuracy can be much better!

Having eye tracking in a head-mounted display is attractive for several other reasons. It helps solve the VR input problem by adding a built-in input method roughly equivalent to a mouse pointer. There are a lot of possibilities for interesting game mechanics driven by eye tracking. It also helps solve the face-covering problem: when you're wearing a head-mounted display, your facial expressions are hidden. Eye tracking records the hidden part of your face, and combined with external cameras can recover your entire facial expression so that you can have natural conversations with other people in VR.

So, after the disappointing performance of the commercial eye trackers, I decided to try making a VR eye tracker of my own. Here's how I did it:

This diagram shows the setup. The gray area is the light coming from the Rift screen toward the eye. An infrared camera is mounted on top of the Rift and looks down toward a mirror placed inside the Rift between the screen and the lens. This is a "hot" mirror, which is transparent to the eye but reflects infrared light. With this setup, the camera gets a perfect image of the eye through the Rift lens, but the camera is invisible to the eye. It's as if the camera is looking through the screen directly into the eye.

Here again is what the camera looks like installed on the Rift. The mirror is mounted inside, invisible.

And here's what the camera sees! Check out some video here. Remember that the camera is totally invisible to the eye while it is recording this; you see only the Rift screen. This image is nearly perfect for pupil tracking (the bright reflections seen here can be problematic, but I've fixed that in a newer version by moving the illumination off to the side).

You can make this yourself too! Here are all the parts I used:
Whew, that's a lot of stuff! Once you have all that, you can follow these steps:
  1. Disassemble PS3 eye.
  2. Replace lens mount.
  3. Cut a piece of the infrared filter to fit in the lens mount.
  4. Install 8mm lens.
  5. Disassemble Rift. You need to expose the screen, but you don't need to remove it.
  6. Cut a hole in the inner shell above the left lens.
  7. Cut a hole in the outer shell above the hole in the inner shell.
  8. Use the glass cutter to cut the hot mirror to fit in the Rift at a 45 degree angle.
  9. Use the mounting putty to mount the mirror inside the Rift and close up the inner shell (clean the screen first!)
  10. Use the mounting putty to mount the PS3 eye on top of the Rift looking down through the hole at the mirror.
  11. Solder the infrared LED to the leads from the battery box.
  12. Mount the battery box to the Rift.
  13. Insert the LED through the air holes and mount it on the outside of the left lens, pointing at the eye.
  14. Fine-tune the mounting positions of the LED and camera, and the lens focus.
To go with this hardware I've written custom eye tracking software based on dark-pupil tracking. I'm using OpenCV for debugging UI and reading video files, but the image processing I've written from scratch in Halide and C. The PS3 Eye gives a 640x480 image at 75 FPS, and I'm currently extracting the pupil location accurate to 1/4 pixel in about 6ms per frame (which could definitely be improved).
After all that, how does it perform? I'm happy to say that accuracy is pretty good: With careful calibration I can get ±2 pixel accuracy on the Rift display. However, there's a big caveat: the calibration is extremely sensitive to the exact position of the Rift. Any abrupt head motion, or even changes in facial expression like squinting, will jostle the Rift enough to mess up the calibration and put the tracking tens to hundreds of pixels off.

Can the calibration issues be fixed? I'm not sure yet. The obvious solution would be to add some tracking of head motion so it can be subtracted from eye motion. However, there's a lack of stable markers to use for tracking. The eyelids obviously move around a lot, but even the surrounding skin can move quite a bit as you change your facial expression. The inside corner of the eye next to the nose may be the best tracking point, but it's difficult to see that far to the side through the Rift lens, and it will be a lot more challenging to track accurately than the pupil.

Another possible solution is retina tracking. In my current setup the LED is far from the camera axis, producing a relatively normal-looking "dark pupil" image. If a light source is placed very close to the camera axis, the retina reflects light directly back at the camera, producing a "bright pupil" image. This is the cause of the well-known "red eye" phenomenon in flash pictures. It may be possible to exploit this by focusing the camera on the retina instead of the iris, and tracking the motion of the retina directly. I'm not sure how well this would work, but how cool would it be to take pictures of your own retina?

Yet another possible solution is corneal reflection tracking. The LED produces not just one, but several reflections in the lens of the eye, which appear as bright spots in the image. For pupil tracking these reflections just get in the way, but with corneal reflection tracking they can be exploited. By tracking position of the reflections relative to each other and the pupil, the location and orientation of the eye can be found. This is how most commercial eye trackers work, and may ultimately be the best option.

I've had a lot of fun working on this project, and I intend to continue trying out new ideas. If you're interested in working on eye tracking for VR too, get in touch at jdarpinian@gmail.com!


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It’s all about me.

Me, in all my awesomeness

Me, in all my awesomeness

I’m a 30-something stay-at-home mom to 2 boys (At this writing, Big G is 4 and Little G is 16 months). My alter-ego is a pharmacy technician with the possible ability to carry on an adult conversation. I might be imagining that, though.

I like to whine about things–including my husband, despite the fact that he’s ridiculously tolerant of my numerous quirks. This is important for you to know if you read my blog. It’s also important for me to write in case he ever actually reads any of this. (Hi Honey!)

I’ve had some questions about the origins of my blog name. “Like Swimming” is the name of an album and song by the fantastic and underappreciated band Morphine. The lyrics seem particularly appropriate to describe my life: “It’s a lot like swimming, first time over your head. It gets easier when you move your arms and legs.”

One response

18 04 2010
Name That Blog! « Like Swimming

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Mompreneur Spotlight: Taking Control of Your Child’s Future With Jomayra Torres

Lola is in kindergarten and learning a lot. I’ve been told she will know how to read by the end of the school year, which is just 3 months away now! She is already reading small picture books to me every night and she’s constantly asking us how to spell words as she writes letters to her friends and family. It’s a very exciting time!

I’m fortunate enough to have her enrolled in a school that’s progressive, but not all families have that opportunity. I know some families that are looking to do more at home, families with older kids that have a hard time helping their kids with their homework assignments. For fellow Jersey City mom Jomayra Torres, her mission is to provide tutoring services to children, as well as parents, making the educational process a family affair.

Jomayra, a mom of 2 kids, realized the need for such a service when several parents reached out to her for help for themselves. An educator at the ‘Beloved Community Charter School’, she educates students and parents with an understanding the new mandates being passed within the new common code standards. The Common Core State Standards Initiative is an educational proposal in the United States that details what K–12 students should know in English language arts and mathematics at the end of each grade. She quickly developed a clientele and realized she had a new business to offer Jersey City.

Named Joys In Teaching, parents have the opportunity to choose from a number of tutors who focus on different areas of interest. In addition to connecting with tutors for one-on-one help, the company also offers workshops for children and parents. There is the ‘Young Entrepreneurs’ workshop, which teaches children the basics of taking their passions and developing a business, including branding and marketing. Then there’s the ‘Young Explorers Club’, where students engage in hands on STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) activities and experiments, which help develop their problem solving and inquiry based skills. They also have a ‘Reading Readiness’ workshop, which is perfect for new readers like my Lola. This program focuses on the alphabet, the concept of print, phonological awareness, phonics, high-frequency words, and fluency, with fine motor and writing integration.

Jomayra understands how expensive it can be to find affordable enrichment programs for our children and that is why she has made all her services affordable. You can review all the programs and prices here.

Joymara Torres

Jomayra’s passion and desire to help our youth is necessary, as she stated during our conversation, “We need to invest in our children and give them real meaningful experiences to help them develop as strong willed and successful adults who give back to their community.”


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Masculine Monday: Five Fashion Essentials for Men This Summer

Happy Masculine Monday!

Hope that everyone enjoyed their weekend, and is thus far enjoying their Monday. That said, let’s get things moving with our extra special Masculine Monday…

With Spring nearly over and Summer on the way, today seemed a perfect fit for providing our cherished readers with five fashion essentials for our modern men to sport in the warm weather.

Esquire Magazine Fashion Director Nick Sullivan is one of the most impressive fashion writers in the country, and shared his handsome face and professional style insights on a few specific male necessities for Summer Fashion in 2011.

→  →

Watch Nick Sullivan’s televised index of a few select fashion essentials that every stylish man should have this summer.

[— A Jewelry Jotting Notation:

“Nick Sullivan is a fan of ‘TV on the Radio’, which puts him at VIP status in my book.”Alexandra]

are going to snag a few of the essentials proposed by the great Nick Sullivan on Today, simply because they really are essentials, vitals even. These items will help you stay comfortable and stylish, even in the warmest summer months.

The ultimate wardrobe skeleton key for men who want to formalize or ease from a day at the beach to an evening appropriate look is the awesomely unstructured double-breasted unlined jacket. Think of this key wardrobe item as the male equivalent to women’s heels.

These thin, fitted jackets are a quick way to change the dynamic of an average outfit to a fashion forward, comfortable summer ensemble. The variety of unlined jackets available for men today include styles and color palettes to suit each fashion personality type, from the trend-setting fearless men to those who are looking for a more subtle appearance.

With bright colors, textures and vivid patterns leading the pack in this years most popular men’s fashion trends, a lot of you guys are going to have to get brave. And soon. The Esquire Fashion Blog provides the historic undertones and current influences that have let  to the uprising of fashion forward menswear here…

Esquire Style Presents: The American Revolution

The sixty products, places, people, and ideas that are transforming how we dress in 2011

Our top pick among the many brilliantly creative and classically detailed choices for favorite unlined jacket is a piece from the 2011 Men’s Clothing Line by Italian Designer, Luigi Bianchi.

For a stylishly revived summer wardrobe for sun-kissed men, the elegantly tapered jacket designs from the 2011 Men’s Clothing Line by Luigi Bianchi has our first vote. With their 100 year anniversary being celebrated, the jackets in this line are simple, yet incredibly precise in their construction. The result is a purposefully casual, classic appeal.

 Lubiam: 100 and Counting, or L.B.M. 1911

Founded in 1911 by Luigi Bianchi, Lubiam has been making some of the finest tailored tailored clothing in Italy for 100 years.  F/W 2011, and L.B.M. 1911 in general, is all about deconstructing the blazer as much as possible – it’s the definition of dressed down tailoring.

This really is an important one, and I’m glad that someone has finally acknowledged the need for men to have an additional footwear option during the heated months. We are so used to seeing the same flip flops and and alternating sneakers being worn by men in the Summer, it’s almost as if another option hadn’t even been available until now. Men of 2011, ditch those Adidas kicks. Your footwear has officially received an upgrade, a footwear facelift if you will.

The pair of suede summer shoes which Nick Sullivan features on his clip with the Today Show is a perfect example of how to move on from flip flops and tennis shoes in the best way possible. I’m nearly envious of men at this point, as these suede hybrids between a sneaker and a dress shoe provide the overdue option for men’s footwear in Summer.

Grabbing a pair of these off-duty, comfortable yet trendy shoes should be a main priority for men this year. Not only are these styles going to remain popular, but two toned, more embellished variations will be seeping into the fall fashions, as well!

We love the Men’s Authentic Original Suede Boat Shoe from

Growing rapidly in popularity is the high-quality, old-fashioned barber shop close shave. Particularly valuable in the Summer months, when the sun, sweat and heat can cause breakouts and other skin irritations, a perfectly smooth shave will be essential.

For a fun how-to guide on the 4 vital steps to achieving complete facial hair removal, watch this video by Esquire:

How To Shave Your Face  by Esquire

Remember These Simple Steps, and The Perfect Shave is just within reach …

1. Prepare (Use Pre-Shave Oil to Prepare)

2. Lather (Visit for old fashioned shaving cream, oil, etc)

3. Shave (See video for instructions on when to shave with the grain or against)

4. Moisturize!

finito. 😉

Just like Bob Dylan and Mick Jagger, decide that you’re going to make a serious statement. With your shades. This Summer is demanding all men to take a fashion leap with their choice of eyewear.

No more classic stand-by aviators, boys. It’s time to say something. With your eyes. Through what’s covering them, literally. Celebrity-Inspired statement sunglasses are a must have for men in 2011.

Look into some of the great sunglasses of history, like the ones above being worn by Hunter S. Thompson. You will have to find a style that works with the shape of your face, as well as your fashion sense and risk-level preferences.

If this is your first dare-devil approach to statement sunglasses, it’s better to be rational when choosing your shades. Pick up a pair that make themselves known, but that aren’t so loud they wind up staying heated in your glove box through September because you couldn’t quite bring yourself to wear them in public.

  • 5. An Old-Fashioned Timepiece

Mathey Tissot Vintage Watch

Mathey Tissot Vintage 14kt White Gold Diamond Watch

The Fashion Director of Esquire, Nick Sullivan has taken a particularly heightened interest in the new annual trade show of all things jewelry and watch related, BaselWorld.

* * * * An old-fashioned gentlemanly timepiece is a necessity * * * *

In several feature articles,he intricately highlights the timepieces displayed at the Basel Watch Show to be powering a strong return of gentleman’s timepieces and wristwatch designs into modern men’s fashion. The revealed collections at Basel-world greatly occupied a fluidly recognized vintage feel. Thus far, aviation-inspired and early 20th century designs have been creating a strong and positive impact on men’s fashion.

The watches that are growing in nostalgia-fueled popularity in the revealed collections at BaselWorld embody noticeably narrower straps with larger round faces. These WW1-inspired timepieces, which include several pocket watches, are described by Sullivan as a rediscovering a certain nostalgia for the first third of the 20th century.

Tissot Vintage Watch RaymondLeeJewelers EbayStore

Tissot Vintage Watch RaymondLeeJewelers EbayStore

The dressy, yet restrained appearance of the early-20th century inspired wristwatches is expected to lead the way in fashionable watch wear for men. Popularity of timepieces that carry a piece of nostalgia or sentiment with them are on the rise. Don’t forget this one very crucial element to your look this summer.

Well…  Men, and all those who’d like to surprise the men you love with some fashion affection, you’re all set!  Have a wonderful evening.

Raymond Lee Jewelers

[— A Jewelry Jotting Notation:Nick Sullivan is a fan of ‘TV on the Radio’, which puts him at VIP status in my book.” –Alexandra]

TV on the Radio Album: A Triumph of Style (Esquire Fashion Blog)

Mathey Tissot Vintage 14kt White Gold Diamond Watch (

Basel Watch Show: Raymond Weil’s Dressy Discretion (

Mathey-Tissot Collection

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Finding Your Old Media

Yesterday we talked about best practices for working with the media via social media. But the first step in being able to reach out to them is to know where they are. The problem is that there’s a lot of them and they can be tough to find. Just look at your existing media list. You’ve probably got hundreds of phones numbers and emails listed. And how much time do you take managing that list. Hours and hours.

And now I’m telling you that you need another field in that database, just for social media contact information. It’s a wonder you read my stuff at all.

But there are ways to streamline collecting that information. When I wrote about this last time, I recommended using the website to collect information on local reporters that have signed up. While there is a subscription that you can sign up for, poor folks like me who aren’t lead media folks probably shouldn’t, as it doesn’t make sense to subscribe. But, with a bit of elbow grease and a few hours of copy/paste, you can put together a pretty good Twitter list. (Shoot me a message if you want to learn how I did it.)

But there might be an easier way. I just recently learned that one of our local newspapers, the Inquirer, has put together a page of all of their Twitter accounts. And it’s awesome. You want to know what the Inky is writing about these days? Want to know what scoop they’re looking for? You can see it all just by going through that page once and saving them all to a list.

Frankly, I wish more news organizations would do this. Frankly-ier (?), I wish more governments would do this. Have a list of all of your subject matter experts Twitter accounts. All of the different official agency accounts. Maybe a list of all of the official PIO accounts? I’d love to know if you know of any agency or government that’s got something like this. If you know of one, definitely reach out to me, or comment below, I’d love to get in touch with them.

3 thoughts on “Finding Your Old Media

  1. I actually tracked down a large percentage of the Arizona state official twitter accounts by going to the Emergency Mgmt Dept’s twitter account, and seeing who they were following. It’s not all of them, but it helped find most of them.

    I’m adding everything I find to one Twitter list or another, as I find them.

    1. There are tons of ways, unfortunately none easy as of yet. Great job and thanks so much for the tip!

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Category Archives: Eggs and breakfast

Hangover prevention

Here is my all-time best recommendation for hangover avoidance.  Eat eggs before you go to bed.  I don’t know why, but eggs seem to be the best protein source for keeping hangovers at bay.  Here’s an omelette I made for … Continue reading

Posted in Eggs and breakfast, Entertaining, Liquor | Leave a comment


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We are promised victory through God. That’s what the bible says, right? In 1 John 5:4. So why is it that we lose so many blasted battles? If Christ has overcome the world, why does it seem like the world overcomes us?

Maybe I am the only believer on the face of the earth who experiences this problem. I try to do well, read my Bible, keep my faith in God, walk in His love, blah, blah, blah. In return, aren’t I promised some victory? So where is it?

Often is seems like every time I do something good, I am battered by the bad. Every time I overcome a challenge, I am beat to a pulp by the next. Every time I climb higher, I fall harder.

You see, I may never have battled drugs, or gangs, or alcohol…I can’t tell you about all that. But my testimony is quite fat with other stuff. I can talk to you about any type of harrassment. I know all about watching everything I own go up in flames. Abusive relationships? Been there. Done that. Watching loved ones struggle to survive? Yup. Got more bills than money? That’s easy compared to the rest. Addictions so strong it took years to gain victory over? Yeah. Self-hatred so deep it resulted in self-abuse? Oh, yup. Pain so overwhelming I attempted suicide? Phew…that one’s a lonnngggg testimony. Suicidal by the age of ten…oh yeah. Homeless? Several times. Moving way, WAY more than is healthy? Yes. Yes. And yes. Disease and sickness? Blah. Definitely got that covered. All this in 22 years of life.

Yeah, I think that’s about the bare essentials.

So in all that and WAY more (let me tell you), don’t you think I know what it means to have lost some battles? Too be in way over my head? To despair and feel like God has abandoned me? Yes. I’ve had experiences that I wouldn’t wish on Satan himself.

I. Do. Not. Exaggerate.

I have lost more battles than I would like to admit. I have received pain and given pain that I wish never occurred. I have watched loved ones detioriate before my very eyes. And I learned far too early how to be an adult.

But you know what? I know what it means to lose. But I know even more what it means to win. I understand the concept of victory. I’ve experienced it all my life. Just like I have experienced loss all of my life. For if you do not suffer, how can you know what it means to rejoice? If you don’t know pain, how can you offer empathy to another? I know what’s it’s like to feel forsaken, but never BE forsaken.

You see, the bible doesn’t promise us victory over every battle. Because that would be an empty promise. It simply does not happen. Not for us. But it does promise us victory over the ultamite war. For right now, we may shake our fists at Satan and scream, kick, and cry out; “You, you, JERK!”

But in the end, we shall reign with Christ and Satan shall feel the eternal lick of hell’s fire.

Take your weakness,
And make it glory,
Glory, I say, in infirmity,
For weakness breeds

Take the sorrow,
And make it worthwhile,
Make it, I say, worth your tears,
For sorrow breeds

Take all obstacles,
And make it pathetic,
Pathetic, I say, in your eyes,
For obstacles breed

Take every wound,
And make it your testimony,
Testify, I say, of your pain,
For wounds breed

Take your weakness,
And make it strength.
Take your sorrow,
And build experience.
Take your obstacles,
And learn confidence.
Take your wounds,
And extend sympathy.

Take life,

Today I want to talk about hope. Hope is defined as a feeling that what’s is wanted will occur or be had, and/or that events will turn out for the best. My Apostle taught on this last Sunday and it struck me as interesting because I don’t think that Christians ever intentionally place their hope in anything besides God. But the fact is, we often do. I know I do, anyway.

For example, we really want to buy a new car and we are really hoping that our job will give us the raise that we are way-too-far-past-due so that we can buy it. Is our hope in God or our job? Well, our job, let’s be honest. We are not trusting that God will give us the car no matter what happens with the job, we are trusting the job to give us the raise so WE can buy the car. In other words, God’s not moving fast enough so let’s just help Him along, shall we?

I’ll use another example from my personal history. I recently seperated from the Navy. Unfortunately, I did not handle ship deployments with…uh…grace, shall we say? So after a three month deployment, I swore up, down, and all around, NEVER AGAIN. I wanted out, these people are crazy, these deployments are crazy, the Navy is CRAZY. OUT. OUT. OUT. So I put in a request for early seperation. I was really hoping it would go through. The Navy is downsizing, so no prob right? Right? Oh so very wrong.

There was problem, after problem, after problem, after a REDICULOUS amount of problems. And the result? I became extremely discouraged, angry, and deppressed. You see, because I placed my hope in a decision that the Navy would make, I didn’t place it in the hands of God. And let me tell you, God’s hands are the only ones that are sure and safe. So because He wasn’t the current carrier of my hope, I lost it. They threw my request back in my face and I lost my hope. I lost my joy. I lost my motivation.

And when God showed me the error of my ways in His kind and gentle manner, I placed my hope in Him. And in His timing, though His process, I was given my seperation. And there were many times it seemed like He was not moving AT ALL, but I had to keep trusting in Him because I knew He was faithful and He was the only One I could trust with my hope.

This, brothers and sisters, is a continual life process. Though God sent me through a…kinda extreme, in my opinion…circumstance in order to learn this lesson, it is a lesson learned through the process of trial and error. One cannot sit with me and tell me they do not have struggles with hope (unless they are extremely spiritually mature and bordering somewhere on perfection.) Anyway, we do, all the time. I have had plenty before the Navy one, and plenty since. Each time I learn, I get better, I trust God more, but I must always be proactive in my own thinking. I must always be aware of just where it is I have placed my hope, because it is so easilly misplaced.

You see, the Christian walk is a walk of hope and a walk of faith. But it is not a walk of perfection. That’s a lie. The was Christ’s walk because, and only because, we couldn’t get ours right. So embrace Christ’s walk but don’t expect it to be your own. We are flawed, flawed creatures redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. We place our joy, trust, hope, faith, love, etc on every breeze of the wind and then throw tantrums when the wind switches to an unexpected direction. But that is that nature of wind, is it not? But God’s hand is steady. It is solid. Perfect. Safe. And that’s where our hope belongs, no matter how many times we have to re-place it there.

Do we know that the extent of our love equals the extent of our commitment? For if we do not love, how then can we be devoted? And if we are not devoted, where comes the commitment? So I ask, if we do not truly love God, then can we be surprised when we struggle with committing to Him? Most likely, it’d be more a battle than we would like.

You see, I believe that the trouble with commitment has more to do with our awareness of God than our actual willpower. What do I mean by awareness? I mean, if we know God as a distant, unforgiving God whom we are not sure we can trust, then we will struggle with committing to Him. However, if we know God, truly know God, as a savior, a friend, a provider, a healer, a deliverer, a redeemer, then our admiration of Him will skyrocket. Our adoration of Him will grow. And our love for Him has no choice but to follow in tow.

Our commitment to Him will rise.

In my experience, I have found five different types of God-followers in this world:

  •          The Forgiven –the ones who have been forgiven of such a depth of sin that their devotion to their Forgiver is quite substantial.
  •          The Delivered –those whom God has healed from such a world of pain (emotional, physical, mental) that they can’t stop singing His praises.
  •          The Dedicated – they live a sound and content life, find God to be faithful through the normal life trials, and they are willing to stand by Him because He has proven Himself faithful.
  •          The Luke-warm – they who have found God to be a pretty cool dude and they are willing to put up a good face for the salvation of their souls.
  •          The Backslider – the ones who once followed God with passion but for whatever reason, they have turned their backs on His tender mercy but are not truly content with their decision to leave Him.

The first two tend to be real hot in their love-walk. Why? Because their awareness of God is hot. They know Him in an intensely personal, appliceable way and He has become important to them. The dedicated do know God on a personal level, they love Him, and are dedicated to Him. But though their passion is hot, it’s not always as fiery as the Forgiven and Delivered tend to be. The luke-warm followers are weak in their love-walk. They don’t know God personally enough to really develop passion for His ways. And the backslider is one who harbored misconceptions of God, and when life took a turn those misconceptions failed to sustain their committmet to Him.

So if we find ourselves among luke-warm or backsider status but we don’t want to stay there, what do we do? Look at the last paragraph and see if you see a pattern. The more God is able to prove Himself to His people, the more dedicated those people become. Why? Because with every answered prayer, every provision, deliverance, healing, etc, God is revealing Himself to His people. And as He reveals Himself, we see more and more of just how awesome He is. And the more we see, the more impressed we become, the more devoted we become, the more love we extend, and the more committed we grow.

In other words, the first step to grow in commitment to God is to decide to become more committed. And when we bring that desire into our prayer life, God begins to open our eyes to His glory.

Love Amid the Ashes

Back Cover Blurb

When her beloved grandfather Isaac dies, Dinah must follow his final command: travel to Job’s household to marry his son. After Job’s world comes crashing down, Dinah finds herself drawn to this great man brought low. What will she risk to fight for his survival?

My Review

Author Mesu Andrews weaves a heartrending story of two lives; Dinah, daughter of Jacob, and Job, wealthy servant of the Most High. I was originally drawn to this book because of it’s unique take on the two character’s stories. Who would think to introduce the shamed Dinah to the prestigious but soon-to-be-shattered Job? But Author Andrew does, and she does it skillfully.

The reader can tell that Andrews did her homework on the detail she places into her character’s environment; anything ranging from specific geography to the way they prepared food in biblical times. And the story itself is very gripping. The reader can feel Job’s pain and is sorrowed by Dinah’s reputation. I wanted to cheer for them when they overcame obstacles and hug and cry with them when their pain is deepened. In fact, I was so entranced with their lives that I didn’t want to return to my own.

Excellent storytelling aside, there was a few technicalities that bugged me. The characters seemed to lack much depth. I understood their concerns and joys, but I didn’t feel like I really got a glimpse at their individuality. They weren’t very unique beside the individuality of their stories. I did, however, see a decent character arc in which they matured and grew throughout the story.

That said, the writing was a tad bit dramatic. The author used certain wording and exclamations that was meant to convey emotion but succeeded mostly in making her characters seem melodramatic at times. And though this made me raise a brow a few times, it was easy to ignore for the interest of the story itself.

Overall, I say bravo for a gripping tale full of love, redemption, and hope.

I give Love Amid the Ashes 4 out of 5 stars.

5 These twelve Jesus sent out and commanded them, saying: “Do not go into the way of the Gentiles, and do not enter a city of the Samaritans. 6 But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 7 And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ 8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. 9 Provide neither gold nor silver nor copper in your money belts, 10 nor bag for your journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals, nor staffs; for a worker is worthy of his food.
(Matthew 10:5-10, New King James Version)

Thus says the Lord,

“If, I, being perfect and well-knowledged in what my children are able and capable of, therefore do command them to go out and spread the kingdom of God, why are my children held back by fear? Where is their faith? If I have given the gift of preaching my Word, why do the people say I can’t preach? And if I, the source of all power and authority, do say to my children, heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, why is it that the children of God carry more fear of the demonic than the demonic have of them? Why is it that the lepers go uncleansed because the people have no faith in My desire to rid them of their infirmity? Why is it that the sick do perish, when the prayer of faith would have healed their bodies?

“And yet I am the One at fault? I am the One who does not heal? I am the One responsible for the trials of man? Let Me tell My children this; I send no battle without first arming My children with weapons, I loose no flood without first teaching My children to swim, and I pass no command without first ensuring my children are well able to fulfill it.

“My desire is not for death and destruction, oh little children, but for peace, love, and harmony. And if destruction is not my will, why then, when presumptuous man does see it, do they point to Me before they even consider theirselves, their own race? Am I guilty of the flaws of man? Am I guilty of the murders, thefts, and rapes of man? Am I guilty of the negligence of man to their own planet? Am I guilty of their sins and shortcomings? No. I tell you. I am guilty of none of these. So why then do I bear the brunt of the blame?

“Tell Me, dearest child who holds all knowledge, did I force the finger that squeezed the trigger of the gun that killed an innocent man? Tell Me, for I am curious to know, did I spread the chemicals that are killing your planet? Did I use the resources that are weighing heavilly on your economy? Did I force the alcohol down the throat of the drunk-driver that crippled a child? Did I construct the building that toppled upon it’s workers? Did I force the leaders to begin any of their wars? Did I neglect the campfire that burned down forest and homes?

“No. No. I am gulty of none of these things. So why do I bear the blame?

“And when I came to the earth with a message of repentence, did I begin a war that consumed the lives of thousands? Or did I feed thousands, and heal thousands, and spread hope to thousands? And when I was raised upon a tree, was it because I committed transgression or because I gave my life for the transgressions of others? And when I commanded my disciples to follow in my footsteps, did I tell them to kill, steal, and destroy? Or did I send them with the message and spiritual tools of life?

“So why then do I bear the accusation of death?

“There is more to this world than meets the eye, My children. Therefore is it not wiser to walk in the ways of perfection rather than throw blame toward perfection?”

Can God pay my mortgage when the bank is empty, the wallet is pouting, and the kids are hungry?

Can God heal my body when my back is malfunctioning, my stomach is rolling, and my head is breaking?

Can God sustain my car when gas is on empty, the oil is dirty, and the brakes are squeeling?

Can God feed five thousand men with women who are fainting and children who are whimpering?

Can God divide the seas that dry land appear and a nation goes free?

Can God speak a word and clouds drift away, waves lose momentum, and wind forgets its way?

Can God free a spirit bound by adultery, burdened by murder, ravished by nightmares?

Can God endure beating, lashing, rebukes, yelling, hatred, reviling, nails and thorns all without a word?

Can God fill a church with souls in need of salvation with only a pastor and a few devoted saints?

Can God love a people who rape, hate, steal, kill, fornicate, defile; all in Satan’s name?

Can God feed the homeless of an entire city with only two souls committed to their cause?

Can God renew a nation that detests His ways while claiming His name?

Can God breathe a garden, a world, and universe, time, and space with willpower and word?

Can God save a husband, wife, child, or friend from a prodigal state, a broken path, and unstable ways?

Can God heal a world ravished by hurricanes, abused by earthquakes, and corrupted by pollution?

Can God make a way when the circumstances speak impossible.

Darn straight.

Lord! My boss is acting crazy. My coworkers are out to get me. The bills are piling up. And blast it! I’m sick of my brother’s uncle’s cousin’s sister’s adopted daughter always giving me a hard time! I’m going to kill her. You understand me, Big Guy? Huh? I’m going to blow up the whole flippin’ earth if something doesn’t start going right within the next two minutes. Starting now. Starting right now! Argggh!!

Am I the only who might occasionally…sometimes…feel this way…maybe more than sometimes…

Look. Let’s be real. Life sucks sometimes. K? If you wanna read this and pretend like life is skippin’ through the tulips on a bright sunny day and you never knew the meaning of rain clouds…well, this blog ain’t for you. My recommendation: go check out that good ol’ I hear it’s all the rave right now.

But for the rest of us normal Christians, well. Time for tough love. Ready? Can you take it? If you can’t, then check out

Listen. We are in the school of life and God is our teacher. In school, what do we receive at the completion of certain lessons? Tests. Guess what? Today we are in a season of testing.

Test #1 – The Love Test – God wants to know if our love for Him is the number one love in our life. The Word says that whoever puts someone before God, is not worthy of Him. The bible says it. Not me. The bible – which is only, like, the foundational standard of our faith but…yeah. I’m just sayin’…

Test #2 – The Giving Test – When the bills are tight and we are running on the dreaded unemployment that pays us just enough to cover an occasional water bill, what will we do when God says, hey, bless your sister with two of those three twenty dollar bills left in your wallet? And you think, hey, Lord, Mister Know-It-All up there, I’ve got four mouths to feed. I’ve yet to go grocery shopping. My gas tank is near empty. And you want me to do what? (I’ll be honest, I would not want to be in that situation…I may not be obedient.) But it’s important to understand that God is not testing our desire to give (well, if you’re real stingy, He might be,) but He’s testing our faith in His unfailing provision.

Test #3 – The Forgiveness Test – This one is key to reaching that next spiritual level. And if you’ve been following this blog at all, you know this is a sore point for me. Can we forgive someone who’s hurt us real bad? Now, don’t get all huffy on me, but if you can read this and say, yeah, no prob. What’s the big deal? Jesus forgave us, we forgive the world. Life is good. Running through the tulips, etc. Ahem. If you can say that lightly you have probably not been hurt to the point that I’m talking about. And that’s great. Good livin’ for you. But for others, they know what I’m talking about and yes, I’m still saying God wants to know if we are willing to forgive.

So what’s the bottom line? God’s tests hurt. Sometimes they really, really sting. Sometimes, they straight-up just suck. Sometimes, we know that the situation is just God doing His thing, but we feel like, man, do you have to darn near kill me in the process? I mean, if somebody had told me about seven months ago, hey, honey, this is just God trying to clean you up real good, I probably would have punched them in the face. Just saying. Now, I’ve never punched anybody. But a comment like that would have sorely tempted me at that moment in time…in fact, I think it might just still tempt me… Just pray for me, alright? Pray!!!

But here’s the good news. God’s invested in us. Can I say that again? God is invested in us. He has signed His name on the book of our lives and sealed it with the blood of Jesus. Now that’s an expensive seal, let me tell you. And nobody throws away an expensive anything just for kicks and giggles. So here’s the cool part. God sends us in the fire to withdraw us as pure gold. He scrubs our flesh until we’re kicking and screaming. And then? Well, He does the whole process over again! It’s aggravating! But anyway, even though He does all this, He is extremely careful not to burn us in the progression of it all.

One might say, hey! Wait a minute. You stick somebody in a flippin’ fire, they’re going to flippin’ burn. One plus one does equal two! Ever stuck your fingers on a hot stove? Duh! Burned, didn’t it? Duh! So don’t be telling me about…*continues screaming in the background* Alright. Let’s put it another way. When we cook food on the stove, we cook it until it’s, well, cooked, right? Do we cook it until it’s good or until it’s burned? Is there a difference? Why, so glad you asked. There is a difference! Guess what? Burned food don’t taste good. God don’t want burned kids. He wants cooked kids, get it?

So God sends us through these nasty tests that feel like they’re burning us to high heaven even though they’re just cooking us up until we’re nice and tasty so He can eat us up (just kidding). But if you remember anything through all my bumbling, remember that in the midst of it all, God is right there with us, carrying us, keeping us, and helping us pass the tests. Remember, He’s invested in our success.

Come, take a breath, little angel,
Breath in, breath out, release your pain.
I know that life has been difficult.
I know the world twists your shame,
As though you are an unspeaking object,
To be thrown about, rejected, abused.
But I say you have worth, little angel.
I say you are special in this world.
I know that you do not believe that.
I know they have spoken lies to your soul.
But don’t worry about that.
Reject what they say.
You are worthy.
You are worth it.
You are loved.
It’s gonna be okay.

Come, take a breath, little angel,
Breath in, breath out, you’re redeemed.
Don’t let the devil say unspeakable things.
Close your ear to the envies of man.
You are beautiful, little angel.
Did you know that?
You are treasured, little angel.
Have they told you that?
There’s a Father who loves you.
A Savior who died for you.
A Spirit who desires to comfort you.
You are loved.
Did you know that?
You are loved by the King of creation.
You are loved by the Redeemer of man.
You are loved by me.
You are loved by God.
You must now learn,
To love yourself.

Come, take a breath, little angel,
Breath in, breath out, step forward.
It is time to dream again.

A short time ago, my coworker was going through myspace and he pulled up a picture of my old ship captain and showed it to me. Now, not that I am one to purposefully hold a grievance. No. I’m a pretty easy forgiver. But there are certain incidents that are hard even for me to recover from enough to forgive.

This captain caused me a great deal of grief and hurt. Not that I believe he consciously desired to hurt me. But human nature being what it is, well, he did. His actions, along with a few others, drove me to a mental state of such despair that I feared I would never recover. I almost killed myself over this incident. And I would not wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.

So when my coworker innocently showed me a picture of a man I haven’t even seen for over seven months…I had to look away. I couldn’t look at him. I could feel dark emotions beginning to churn within me and in order to keep them from suddenly arising and drowning me in anger, I turned away.

I thought I had forgiven him. And perhaps consciously I had. But my reaction to that picture told me that there was still a very bitter grudge beneath the surface of my emotions. And I didn’t know how to make it go away.

Listen, brothers and sisters. It’s real cute when we say offences come but it’s our choice to receive them. But it’s not reality. Many offences will punch you beneath the belt whether you gave them permission to or not. And guess what? It’s going to hurt whether you pretend it does or not. So what am I saying? We are going to battle with forgiveness whether we admit we do or pretend we don‘t.

I would love to meet the soul who can walk through this life and never hold a single grudge. Oh wait, that was Jesus. Haha. I am going to meet Him one day. J

The wonderful thing about this is that at our weakest, God is strongest. You see, it is one thing for us to not walk in forgiveness and have no desire whatsoever to do so, and a total different thing for us desire to forgive but really struggle with the execution. In the first situation, God is able to help us. But it’s in the latter that He is fully glorified.

As long as we desire to forgive, our Heavenly Father will take us through a heart process. This is where He rolls up His sleeves, gets down and dirty with our dirt and our hurt, and begins to spread healing through our souls. And as He heals, He coaxes us ever closer toward our goal of forgiving the instigator of our pain. Even if that instigator is ourselves.

So be encouraged. If you are in a hot spot like me where you want to forgive but are finding it just a tad bit out of your reach, just keep walking with God. He will guide our footsteps until we are finally at that place of grudge-free peace. And He will love us through every step of the way.

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Associate Director, Real-world Evidence/Outcomes Research

Rahway, NJ, US
January 15 2018
Organization Type
Requisition ID: OUT000482

Merck & Co., Inc. Kenilworth, N.J., U.S.A. known as Merck in the United States and Canada, is a global health care leader with a diversified portfolio of prescription medicines, vaccines and animal health products. The difference between potential and achievement lies in the spark that fuels innovation and inventiveness; this is the space where Merck has codified its legacy for over a century. Merck’s success is backed by ethical integrity, forward momentum, and an inspiring mission to achieve new milestones in global healthcare.

Merck is on a quest for cures and is committed to being the world’s premier, most research-intensive biopharmaceutical company. Today, we’re doubling down on this goal. Merck Research Laboratories is a true scientific research facility of tomorrow, and will take Merck’s leading discovery capabilities and world-class small molecule and biologics R&D expertise to create breakthrough science that radically changes the way we approach serious diseases.

Under the guidance of an Executive Director, CORE (Center for Observational & Real-world Evidence), the Associate Director will have the primary responsibility for planning and managing real world evidence activities for in-line and developmental Merck drugs on a worldwide basis. This includes all phases of outcomes research and real world evidence needs including design and implementation of retrospective database studies, assessment of patient reported outcomes (PROs), epidemiological studies and economic modeling. The incumbent will work closely with Customer Business Line teams, Regional Product Directors, MSD affiliates, Public Affairs, Medical Education and Merck Research Laboratories (MRL) colleagues to ensure programs are consistent with marketing strategies in key countries. He/she will contribute to product development and marketing strategies to ensure that product value is defined and developed.

This position will focus on Hospital & Specialty Care/Primary Care. Specific roles include but are not limited to:

  • Participate in Value and Evidence Sub-teams (VEST) and provide leadership in developing the OR strategies and plans for developmental compounds and obtains cross-divisional senior management approval
  • Work closely with the VEST team members to develop OR plans for Merck in-line and developmental products based on the regulatory, marketing and reimbursement/HTA environments on a worldwide basis; including US specific market needs. Work with MRL colleagues, MSD affiliates and consultants to write, coordinate, and validate as required, study design, protocols, measurement questionnaires, case report forms, data analysis plans, and final reports/publications
  • Critically assesses drivers and barriers to reimbursement and market access, identify value evidence needs to provide input into clinical and market development programs
  • Implement programs to document disease burden and unmet need, PRO components, and health economic aspects of disease and the value of drug therapy as outlined in the OR planning process/map and generates data on a worldwide basis to support pricing and reimbursement
  • Develop value evidence deliverables (e.g., health economic evaluations) and their adaptation to generate country-specific data supporting pricing and reimbursement
  • Work with the Merck Investigator Study Program Committee to evaluate outcomes research study protocols for studies in local markets
  • Support MSD affiliates to understand local needs, adapt health economic evaluations, customize Outcomes Research documents such as protocols and reimbursement dossiers, which includes the development of the worldwide template document including global value dossier and input forms, design of data collection forms for customization to countries, and in collaboration with MSD affiliates, adaptation of the document according to local requirements
  • Work closely with other departments (i.e. GHH and Public Affairs) to effectively develop/ communicate OR data and consistent messages throughout Merck and to external customers
  • Responsible for maintaining awareness of scientific developments within his/her areas of expertise, both in terms of new methodology and new activities to establish communications with key outcomes research opinion leaders
  • Build relationships with health economic and outcomes research experts worldwide
  • Present outcomes research data at international/national congresses and publishes articles in scientific journals

  • Doctoral degree from a recognized school of medicine, public health, management, pharmacy, or economics - OR - Master’s Degree required from a recognized school of medicine, public health, management, pharmacy, or economics

  • Minimum of 5 years of experience  in the areas of health economics, outcomes research, market access, HTA or related field

  • Demonstrated expertise in the field of outcomes research, epidemiology and/or health economics
  • Excellent leadership and strategic thinking skills
  • A track record of scientific presentations and publications

Your role at Merck is integral to helping the world meet new breakthroughs that affect generations to come, and we’re counting on your skills and inventiveness to help make meaningful contributions to global medical advancement. At Merck, we’re inventing for life.

If you need assistance and/or a reasonable accommodation due to a disability during the application or the recruiting process, please send a request to

Search Firm Representatives Please Read Carefully:

Merck & Co., Inc. is not accepting unsolicited assistance from search firms for this employment opportunity.  Please, no phone calls or emails.  All resumes submitted by search firms to any employee at Merck via email, the Internet or in any form and/or method without a valid written search agreement in place for this position will be deemed the sole property of Merck.  No fee will be paid in the event the candidate is hired by Merck as a result of the referral or through other means.

For more information about personal rights under Equal Employment Opportunity, visit:

            EEOC Poster

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Job: Outcomes Research -Health Econ
Other Locations:
Employee Status: Regular
Travel: Yes, 5 % of the Time
Number of Openings:
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Company Trade Name: Merck

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Tag Archives: Bernardo Rodrigues

Where do you read? Wish it was somewhere like this?

Yesterday was officially the longest day in the UK so there is no denying it summer is here. This is the time of year when I get the chance to relax and do some reading but at the moment, my room being decorated I am bunking in my sisters room and I find it impossible to read in there. It just doesn’t work somehow. It got me thinking, if I could design a reading spot what would it look like?

Here are some other designers ideas…

House On The Flight Of Birds, Portugal by Bernardo Rodrigues features this beautiful little window seat. Great for kids but I just hope they also included an adult sized version!

I love architectural details such as that above but for those looking to add a reading nook to their home how about some of these pieces of furniture below.

This bookcase with built in seat is called Cave and features an ergonomically shaped seat with reading light above. Again I think this is a great idea for kids but I can’t actually imagine using it myself.

book div

This is more like something I can imagine using, less claustrophobic and higher off the ground, this angular design by Guy Eddington is great. Something that could fit in with your furniture without being obtrusive. For me a place to read should be quiet, discreet and this ticks those boxes.

Discreet is certainly not how you could describe this seat, with built in shelving by Etsy. I do like its form but for me it conflicts with the nature of its use. A more subtle version, less neon, more natural would be fantastic!

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Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 in the Rear View Mirror

December 31, 2016. First time ringing in the new year on US soil since 1998. A little strange to be on the tail end of the time zones. Woke up to a photo of a friend in Sydney, Australia with fireworks going off. 2017 has begun in some parts of our world! As I write, I'm thinking of my friends in Stockholm and wishing them a happy new year. At 4.00pm it'll be London's turn. We're thinking about celebrating the new year with New Yorkers at 9.00pm and allowing ourselves to sleep through the first moments of the new year here in CA. Whatever way you are celebrating, I hope it's safe and joyous. 2016 has been a year of challenge and change. Here's my review of it all.
Our year began beautifully with a wonderful trip to the Amalfi Coast. Our base was Sorrento and while the weather wasn't quite as warm as we had hoped, we still had a great week soaking in the Italian way of life and eating! Highlights included the beautiful Epiphany celebration on January 6 in which the entire town took part, amazing food and gelato, a side trip to Pompeii and views of the sea that were truly breathtaking.
We continued our interim ministry in London and enjoyed the people in the church and the fun in the city. We managed to see more than 20 shows while there and took a wander through several of the great museums. We enjoyed side trips to Hastings and Rye on the southern coast, Salisbury and Stonehenge, the Cotswolds and Stratford-upon-Avon, Windsor and enjoyed a fun adventure in a canal boat with dear friends from Sweden that included a super fun day in Bath. I had the honor of speaking in Paris, France for the women of the American Church in Paris. Doug joined me for a couple of days after the retreat. Days in Paris do not disappoint.
I joined a women's running group and my huge accomplishment in 2016 was running a half marathon in Nice, France. It was an incredibly special journey taken with a group of women who were also new to running and it remains a favorite highlight of our year in London. I finally checked my spring trip to the Netherlands off my bucket list, saw the Keukenhof gardens with tulips and other flowers displayed in all their glory, visited the Corrie Ten Boom house in Haarlem, and visited the city of Delft. The fact that it was all shared with a dear Dutch family who we met our first year at Immanuel made it all the more special. It was a memorable trip to say the least.
We were privileged to attend one last International pastors conference in Geneva, Switzerland. We couldn't believe our luck that after 16 wonderful conferences with this group of colleagues, our 17th would be in a place we had never been. It was one of the very best we had attended in all the years that we gathered. The speaker and his wife touched our lives very deeply, the sights of Geneva were a real treat and a couple of days in the Alps topped it all off. It was a fabulous week with dear friends who we will miss being with in the years to come.
Soon it was time to leave London in the capable hands of their new pastor and return to our home in Desert Hot Springs. What joy to return to a finished house instead of jumping right into a renovation. The summer heat did melt us at times, but we still found time to golf a lot, work on the landscaping and sort through box after box that had been in the garage. It has really been a treat to settle into a home that is ours and not feel like we are just passing through. We really do love living here in the desert and are content to be here until a new challenge beckons us.
Unfortunately, 2016 has been a year of significant loss once again. We lost Doug's father last March. He had been declining significantly so it was not a big surprise, but even so, it's always such a shift in life when a parent passes. The other major loss of the year involved our beloved Tanner's passing last August. He had a very rough year in London, with one problem after another emerging. His immune system was compromised for some reason and he just couldn't get well. Tried as did, nothing got him back to full health and eventually it became clear that he was not going to get better. It was a very devastating time for us because he had been such a huge part of our lives, living in Sweden with us, moving back to the US, moving to the UK and finally moving back to the US with us. We had so hoped that he would be able to enjoy life in desert with us, but alas, he crossed the rainbow bridge instead. We still miss him every day and wonder when a new canine companion will come into view.
Of course, our first election back in the US in 20 years was rife with tension for us and we are still trying to get our hands around the new President. I'm deeply saddened by the reality of our country and can only hope and pray that our reputation abroad will not totally disintegrate and that the most vulnerable in our nation will not suffer too badly. The only thing that is certain is that this is a time of great uncertainty. The world continues to groan under the weight of global issues. We definitely need a lot of kindness and grace to see us through.
I recently became the recipient of a pastoral study grant that will allow me to return to Europe for a period of time to do some study around the topic of how the church can be a place of welcome to immigrants. The International churches in Europe have something to teach the US in this regard and I'm thankful that I've been given an opportunity to study this and write about.
The end of the year has been highlighted by visits from loved ones. Doug's mom and sister came for Thanksgiving and we loved having them here. A family from London spent a day and night with us, a friend from Sweden spent a day and night from us, and another family from London, with whom we spent New Year's Eve last year, are here in the desert with us this year. It's such a joy to renew these deep relationships with friends and family we treasure so much.
2017 is a year of uncertainty but not in all ways bad. Life is very different during this sabbatical time away from ministry but we are thankful for the time we have been given to rest and reflect until God reveals his next steps for us.
We really love being here and are not missing winter at all. We continue to enjoy the golf, hope to play a bit more tennis in the future and continue to adjust to a desert state of mind. It's really not all that hard.
In the midst of whatever challenge and joy surrounds you, my prayer for you and for me is that we will grow, deepen and strengthen our love for others and for God. Our world is a place that needs more grace and understanding and my faith beckons me to pursue that in whatever small ways I can. I hope the same will be true for you. My hope remains in that which is unseen, the hope that the light of Christ will shine brightly, the assurance that the darkness will not overcome it.
May there be loads of light in your new year. Thanks for reading. It's time to say good bye to 2016.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

The Nativity of our Lord

It's Christmas Eve. In fact, it's past 9.00 p.m. on Christmas Eve in Sweden so that means most families there and in other parts of Europe are well into their festivities.
Clergy holding the nativity. A piece of our caroler collection
For us, it's the first Christmas in 25 years that we haven't been working.
An Immanuel Christmas program from a long time ago...a favorite child of mine spreading the good news of great joy!
We'll spend this evening with some other retired pastor friends, attend the mega-church in town where we can be anonymous and enjoy a big production with good music and head back to their place for a nice meal. We've had visits from friends this week, one family from London, one friend from Stockholm who lives in the US now, and we anticipate some more company next week. I hurt my back earlier this week. Feels like a bad muscle strain but it has definitely cramped my style. Makes me glad I'm not putting on a Christmas Day buffet for 100 people! As awesome as those memories are, it's also quite OK that we're onto something new here. It's chilly in the desert and with lots of rain this week, it means our mountains are coated in a glorious layer of snow. The sun is shining brightly today and so my buddy Jen and I started the day in the hot tub. Some of the new things this time around are truly welcome.
The one thing that doesn't change is that Christians all over the world tonight and tomorrow will gather to enter the mystery of the incarnation once again and rejoice that the Light came into the world and that the darkness did not overcome it. Most of us feel that this is more timely than ever this year, when the political climate has led us to feel a great deal of despair rather than hope. And yet, here we are, on Christmas eve, ready to approach the manger with awe and wonder because of the way that God made himself so approachable to us when he sent his son Jesus to come into this world as a tiny little baby to lead us to hope and peace. The road to peace and hope is often very long, and yet, I feel sustained by my faith in something greater than the what the world offers.
Sweden: Orrefors crystal
Sorrento, Italy: Outdoor rendering
Throughout our travels across this vast world, one constant has remained the same...the nativity has a place in the church's story. The various renderings of this age old story always catch my eye with beauty and joy. And so today, as await with hope, joy, peace and love, our celebrations of the arrival of the Christ child once again, I leave you with these gorgeous views of the nativities from across our globe.

Barcelona, Spain: The Nativity carvings outside of La Sagrada Familia &
The Wise Men at La Sagrada Familia

Italy: Nativities dot the Amalfi coast around every corner

On Epiphany, a huge processional takes place through Sorrento culminating with the visit from the Magi.
The Wise Men and Holy Family pause to enjoy
the fireworks on Epiphany
Italy: Even the baker took his craft to new heights with his bread nativity
Sri Lanka: A beautiful batik that was a gift from a church member in Stockholm
Bethlehem, Palestine:
The spot that commemorates the place where Jesus is said to have been born
Palestine: Olive wood nativity that graces our home
I've had other nativities through the years, one from Ecuador that I treasured but since it was made from bread dough, it disintegrated through our various moves. I suppose I will always be curious to see how the nativity shows up in the various places we travel because one thing is for sure...wherever Christ's birth is celebrated, art depicting this holy event will surely follow.
A cute US rendition
Wherever you are, however you celebrate, may the mystery and joy of the incarnation surround you with love, joy, peace and hope.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

And Now For Something Completely Different: Holiday Lights Edition

As mentioned, it has been delightful and surprising to encounter traditional cold weather Christmas spirit thriving here in the desert. We've had chilly overnight and morning temperatures, enough to wear long pants and put on a second layer and light fires in the fireplace so all in all, enjoying a cozy feel at least one or two times a day. Granted, the other day, we had the fire going before our little gathering and we had to open the door for awhile as it got too hot inside. These are the contrasts that we continue to find charming and bring a smile to our faces.
But we are most impressed with the light displays that people across the Coachella Valley are committed to. I guess it's quite a bit easier to build an elaborate outdoor display that takes about 2 months to complete when you aren't contending with sub-zero temperatures and have loads and loads of sunshine day after day. Here in the desert there are two light installations that have gained a following. The first is the delightful street known as Candy Cane Lane. Every house on this winter wonderland street is decorated with adorable and cute installations. We were amazed as we drove down the street at the creative and beautiful displays that unfolded before us. I have even heard that when people buy a house on this street, they must agree to decorate their own house. Kind of an amazing community spirit project. Nice that everyone does it because it really is lovely.
One of my favorite was the big motor home with Santa driving!Of course, there were lots of traditional decorations and nods to pop culture with Frozen characters and Minions, and Santa in his sleigh with reindeer.
Loved the little penguin that popped up and down out of the igloo. But amidst the traditional, there were some displays that added desert flair, like these three wise men arriving to the manger on ATV's.
As if that wasn't dazzling enough, our next stop was RoboLights, a display that has actually been on the news because there were city ordinances questioning the safety of the display. The owner ultimately won and we're glad. This display is like none we've ever seen and likely will never see again.
The largeness of the scale of the display hits you right away. Then pathways unfold before you as you attempt to soak in all that is going on around you. The 'bones' of the display are permanent structures that the owner has welded together out of all manner of trash. Old carnival rides, mannequins, and toilets, are just a mere sampling of what you will find as you wander through this bizarre and wonderful display. For instance, atop the yellow structure is an old Jack-in-the-Box head. This sleigh is being driven by a rabbit and pulled by an old truck. And here, a shark carrying a candy cane in his mouth flies overhead. This rendering of Mary and Joseph holding a baby Jesus that was simply a pile of junk welded together caught my eye. My cousin, Mike, took this hilarious shot of me getting a blow dry under an vintage salon hair dryer. We even had some Robo skiers. And golfers. And here was a traditional Santa, except he's driving a tank. Hmmm, how does that fit in with the Peace on Earth theme of the season? The grounds are lovely and expansive. The big beautiful trees were wrapped in a hundreds of lights and reflecting off the ponds that surrounded several of them. Various and sundry castles dotted the landscape and changing lights gave us a new look every few minutes. There were many scary clowns that were not exactly kid friendly. Clearly my favorite of all was the reindeer pulled sleigh made out of toilets!
Each deer had a great expression on its face. Doug sat down to the organ and played a bit. It was fully functioning organ even if the organist wasn't. A lovely trellised walkway filled with light kept things bright. Soon it was time to say good-bye to RoboLights. I will definitely be back. It's clearly a lifetime labor of love on the part of the owner. He only asks for $5.00 donation, but it's truly a donation. All are welcome. If you are in the Coachella Valley, I strongly encourage you to get over to see this!Our happy group selfie basking in the glow of the holiday lights. Doug was particularly illuminated at this point. And the moon itself was putting on a pretty great light show of its own. Christmas in the desert. It's shaping up to be pretty darn festive after all.


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Nova Prime Seen in Prosthetics (or not…)

Leaked photos from the London set of Guardians of the Galaxy show us what 66-year-old master thespian Glenn Close looks like in full makeup and costume as Nova Prime, head of the galaxy-spanning police force, the Nova Corps. (That’s her, with the pointy head and red-and-gray outfit.)

ETA: Apparently, some outlets are claiming this is not Glenn Close in alien makeup — without offering proof that it is not her. So, let’s just say that these are images from GoTG filming in London involving the Nova Corps, and enjoy them on that level.

James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy, starring Chris Pratt, Karen Gillan and Zoe Saldana, opens Aug. 1, 2014.

Oh, yeah? Sez you!

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Saturday Selects: The Ban

Saturday Selects is a series of posts I write that fall outside the general bookish theme of the blog.

Donald Trump signed an executive order yesterday banning immigrants and refugees from seven countries. Syria. Iran. Iraq. Libya. Somalia. Yemen. Sudan. He’s done this under the guise of national security, claiming that this action is meant to protect us from terrorists. But it has been widely reported by multiple reputable news outlets that no attack carried out on US soil since 9/11 involved someone from any of the countries.

Makes you wonder what the hell is actually going on, right? If we’re banning people from our lands under a false pretense, then what’s the real reason for the ban? I’ll tell you, but I think you already know. One of Donald Trump’s major campaign promises was some form of a ban on Muslims entering the country. He’s making good on that promise.

The United States has failed all refugees. We have resources and the ability to take in many refugees, but we don’t. “The greatest country in the world” has all but refused to lend its hand to refugees all over the world. Refugees are escaping war, persecution, and tyrannical governments. Are these not the people we want to stand up for? Are we content just standing on the sidelines as the refugee crisis in the Middle East and Europe only worsens? Is this really the American way?

Donald Trump is not putting America first, as he likes to say. He’s putting America on an island while the rest of the world backs away from us.

One thought on “Saturday Selects: The Ban

  1. Obviously this is My opinion: The President made many promises, or so I’m told, and he’s trying to uphold as many as possible, since he failed on most of the ones he said he would do during his ‘first day in office’.
    He has promised a wall between the US and Mexico, which I foresee as a huge failure and even bigger drain on already strained resources. I can also see the LGBT+ community going back into the closet, the minorities going back underground, and refugees sneaking in under cover of darkness and hiding as the blacks did during the Civil War, and before when trying to escape slavery. I can see him trying to revoke things which have been in place for decades, like a woman’s right to vote and own property.
    He may do some wonderful things in time, but short term all I can see is disaster waiting to happen.
    Long term? I can see both natural and naturalized citizens of the US trying to escape his oppression.
    I can see why Americans voted for him since he was being himself, he was straight forward and 100% Donald Trump. He didn’t try to pretty up his views on subjects just to appease the masses. I predicted from the outset that he would win over Hilary simply because the American voting public had already had one first by voting in the first black president, they weren’t ready for another first by voting in the first woman president. Actually, that was two firsts! The first black president, and the first re-election for a black president.
    What actually scares me, though, is what happens to folks like me who were born in America and live in another country? One which is friendly with the US and shares a border, but one in which I have never applied for citizenship? I’ve lived here since I was 8, and worked here since I was 20 something, would that even mean anything to him?
    There are memes going around on Facebook equating him to Hitler, will they turn out to be true? I hope not because that could quickly turn into WW III!

    Liked by 1 person

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aardvark and it uses

I had use aardvark since 2009 and I find it to be useful service if you want to find a direct answer to a question. I mean usually when you had a question then you search for the term in google, but in aardvark you ask it to the whole people who share the same interest by using natural language. What I mean in natural language is by using the word “I”,”a”,”the”,”if”. if you use google you need to use the term you want to ask but in aardvark is like asking to the people directly and not to the machine like google. 😉

sometimes aardvark prompt me to answer a question almost daily, but many time I just said that I am busy because I am not into the mood of answering question at that time but sometime I did answer a few question. so anyway just use aardvark then if you had a question and need a real human to answer that question.

PS: aardvark had just been bought by google

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Lake Norman real estate

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Birkdale Village is not just a great place to grab dinner and catch a move. It is also a wonderful place to call home!

Head to the quiet side of LKN in Denver's Sailview

Posted on December 29, 2017

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The Pediatric Cardiac Anesthesia Handbook

Rex, Steffen MD, PhD

doi: 10.1213/ANE.0000000000002780
Books, Multimedia, and Meeting Reviews: Book Review

Department of Anesthesiology, University Hospitals Leuven, Leuven, Belgium, Department of Cardiovascular Sciences, KU Leuven, Leuven, Belgium,

Published ahead of print January 5, 2018.

© 2018 International Anesthesia Research Society
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Tag Archives: 2017

Another Year Gone

1 Jan

2016 was another year of firsts, triumphs, trials, and tribulations.

For 2016 I decided that I was going to have no expectations; I was just going to go with the flow and see where the 365 days took me.

That was the best thing I could of done.

I said yes to so many new experiences and had a pretty good year. I lost weight, renovated the tiny house I am living in, took a spontaneous trip to Seattle, I am more confident in my job, and I’ve had the chance to do things for the people I love.

So for the first time in a while I’m sending off the year without regrets. I said what I meant, I did what I wanted, and I tried new things.

I hope 2017 will be as filled with new experiences and awesome memories as 2016 was.


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Home > general, oxford > flood warning

flood warning

today oxford is on a high flood alert.

for those of you that read my post on friday you’ll know that it has been raining incessantly here in oxford. its been raining literally day after day and now its started flooding in areas of england. warwickshire, worcestershire, gloucestershire, berkshire and oxfordshire are the worst affected and apparantly the worst is yet to come.

the river avon, that runs through stratford has burst its banks, as have the rivers severn and ock and the thames is about to do the same in parts. as with these crises, the flood isn’t the end of the problem, areas of cheltenham and gloucester have had their water turned off and are about to lose their electricity too.

charlotte’s mom lives in cheltenham and she’s filled the bath and is cooking the food to prepare. apparantly they will be without water for a minimum of 7 days. we’ve invited her to come over, but she’s going to see how it goes. if the water shortage lasts any longer or becomes unbearable then she’ll probably come. that is if oxford isn’t in a worse situation by then.

oxford, itself, hasn’t flooded yet, but neighbouring towns of abingdon and witney have. oxford is extremely vulnarable because the thames runs right through it and in fact runs right by our house. we live about a hundred metres from the thames, in a ground floor flat and so, as you can imagine, are rather nervous.

this is a photo i took this morning of the thames. its quite swolen but it doesn’t look too bad at the moment…

the weather people have predicted that the thames is going to break its banks somewhere in the early hours of tomorrow morning, yet they apparantly they can’t predict the extent of the flooding. whats annoyed me about this debacle though is that there isn’t any visible support from the council or the government. no-one is coming out to build flood defences and the only advice one can get on how to prepare is by searching for it on the internet (and even then it isn’t easy to find). only when areas have already been flooded have the fire services and those people come out and put sandbags and stuff down. a bit too late really…

the botley road, one of the main roads that leads into oxford

tomorrow, at least, is meant to be dry. but then wednesday and thursday its going to rain all day again.

its hard to describe my mood. writing it down like this i feel i should be down, but nothing has happened yet, and we don’t have any idea of the potential extent of the flooding to come. so its hard to be down about anything in particular. i think until something happens we’ll just have to carry on and wait. i don’t think anyone actually believes its going to happen, just because they’ve never experienced it before in their lifetime. so at the moment we’re living in a kind of denial mixed with skepticism.

like i said, all we can do, really, is wait and hope it isn’t too bad.

Categories: general, oxford
  1. July 23, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    I’ve been hearing about this on the news – it sounds terrible 😦

    I really really hope nothing too bad happens there in Oxford. And I hope the situation in general improves soon. The planet is so messed up right now 😦

  2. Kim
    July 24, 2007 at 1:36 am

    Eeep. I hope that the worst doesn’t happen and that your flat ends up safe, sound, and dry.

  3. July 24, 2007 at 1:50 am

    That’s horrible, JP. I’ll keep you and Charlotte in my thoughts and really hope that things don’t turn out as drab as they sound. What a mess!

  4. jean pierre
    July 24, 2007 at 6:28 am

    thanks for your support guys!

    the planet does seem very messed indeed, nymeth… 😦

    it didn’t flood last night, so thats good. i’ll be posting an update on the situation a little later today.

  5. July 24, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    I need to buy some water wings for the girlies. mew.

  6. July 24, 2007 at 7:09 pm

    Hope you are still dry. I’ve been watching on the Beeb, and they are saying that it has peaked in several areas. Provided it doesn’t rain any more. Fingers crossed.

  7. July 24, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    Holy crap! I hope it stops now before it does any more damage. Sorry you all are going through this. Feel free to send some rain our way, we could use it!

  8. jean pierre
    July 25, 2007 at 6:55 am

    thanks fence and carl!

    yeah, fence, the idiots said it had peaked – but with rain predicted it was obviously going to rise again. it seems to be subsiding in cheltenham, gloucester and warwickshire, though. its getting worse here in oxford, though. our bank hasn’t burst yet, so we’ll have to see.

    i’m going to head out in a minute and see what the river looks like by our house.

    carl, i’ve heard about the droughts and lack of rain in many parts of the world. thats equally as bad as flooding! i’d happily send you some of our rain 🙂

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Family Financial Values

Summer is unofficially coming to a close.  Kids are going off to college.  High schools that follow the college semester structure are opening next week.  Despite the fact that the solstice gives us another month and a half of technical summer; for kids – it’s just about over.  Don’t let your beloved offspring jump off into their own lives and worlds without taking the time to educate them on their own financial responsibilities.

The State of Illinois, where I live, requires one semester of Consumer Education. Unfortunately, many teachers dread teaching this course, most students take it knowing it’s required, and enthusiasm on both ends is completely lacking.  This equates to a waste of time unfortunately.  This is probably one of the most important classes you can take in your entire lives!  But parents, don’t allow the schools to teach it all.  Since conditions are never perfect and kids need repeated prompts to learn anything, it is most important to teach financial lessons at home.  Now.

For example, I took my high school senior to the bank to open a high school checking account.  He already had a savings which we linked to his new checking.  With his part-time summer job, I explained how to put the money in the ATM machine, 1/2 into his checking and 1/2 into his savings account.  Because he is under 18, I have access to both accounts.  He was given a debit card that will only be used from his checking account.  Therefore the money in his savings is untouchable.  All personal spending that he chooses to do will be with his debit card so that we can monitor and keep track of it.  I explained every step, process, and reason.  This has given him the independence and responsibility that boosted his self esteem and promotes his self worth.  He is not just learning the concepts of earning and saving, he is physically doing it.

As we continue to use and monitor this account, I will also make certain, he analyzes what he is spending to make great choices and decisions now and in the future.  By giving him this responsibility, he will learn early on the concepts of saving, necessities, wants and delayed gratification.  We won’t go anywhere near the $0 mark as to avoid all fees.  In this learning process, that is my job as the parent to cut it off if that should happen.  This is a fantastic financial independence step into adulthood.  Every bank offers a high school checking account that has no or relatively low fees and a minimal balance.  Start this process now.

Use this last week to deliver values that will benefit your children for a lifetime and beyond.  As you teach kindness, gratitude, consideration, responsibility and values, always include finances.  The world will be a better place for it.

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Posted by: Ted | January 28, 2008

Vegetable Sprayers in the Loo?

After spending a few months in Southeast Asia I can make two proclamations with conviction: First, everyone has diarrhea. Second, there is no Pepto Bismol on this continent. On the latter comment I have searched dozens of shops in so many cities and have turned up nothing. Nada. Zero. Bupkis. On the former, I suggest that it is simply a matter of deductive reasoning. Don’t get me wrong, I love the diverse flavors in the cuisine of Southeast Asia and can’t seem to get enough of it but after a few months it hits you: Where is the fiber and grain in this diet? Where are the fresh vegetables, salad and roughage? Fried of course. But if that doesn’t convince you, just visit the toilets with the urgency of most everyone else.

One of the best-kept secrets in any nightclub or public restroom that is not discussed in mixed company is “the hover”. While the guys may be scratching their heads on this term, the girls are nodding in understanding, hoping I won’t elaborate any further. Guess again. Simply stated, most American women avoid sitting on a public toilet seat so they perfect their own style of accomplishing their business without physically touching the toilet seat. Like a chopper pilot holding short of landing. If you’re good at this maneuver, this method will come in handy when visiting Malaysia. Although the western style toilets are beginning to show up in more expensive establishments, the Malaysian standard is still the norm.

The Malaysian toilet is simply a hole in the floor, hopefully connected to a sewer system but there are no guarantees. Sometimes you get a flush handle on the wall. Sometimes you get a bucket of water with a scoop. Fancy ones are even tiled like a country club bathroom. But the ever-present “vegetable sprayer” is always nearby. Since this is a predominantly Muslim country, the preferred method of concluding your business is not toilet paper but a generous “hosing down” when you are finished. In fact, few facilities even have toilet paper so you learn to carry your own. Cleanliness of these restrooms ranges from one end of the scale to the other but generally corresponds with the pricing structure of the business it is located in. That explained, I can return from this digression to support my first point stated earlier.

Examine most of these restrooms and you will plainly see the remnants of earlier patrons who are obviously suffering from the same diarrhea problems that I have had since heading north from Singapore. My suggestion to these businesses is please supply a bigger scoop and bucket or try adding a longer “vegetable sprayer” with higher pressure to chip away at the problem and provide more sanitary facilities. That will be easier than convincing the population to change their diet and eat more fresh foods. Come to think of it, what basis does an American have to tell other countries about a healthy diet? Guess I will keep my mouth shut and my belt open for a few more months as I continue sight seeing the facilities heading northbound.

  1. OH MY!!!!!! very interesting 🙂 I guess i’ll experience foreign restrooms in your eyes. We Americans are way too spoiled!

  2. Heather – I’ve had so much fun reading about your travels! You’re definitely not sitting at home watching time pass you by! Your sister passed on your website to my sister (Crystal) then to me. I can’t wait to hear more about China! Take care, Carrie (Pearson) Huhtanen

  3. Wow. A honeymoon suite and diarrhea. Nice combo.

    So are Americans spoiled or just prefer not to walk around in their own poop?

    You know my opinion on that one.

  4. WOW !!! Might I suggest some baby wipes? Having recently had to use them ( on the baby, not me sick-o ) they are very efficient at cleaning what ever area that needs cleaning. Good luck in Cambodia ! You and aunt Heather be careful and enjoy your time where ever you. When you get home sick and want to come back we have a room available, if you dont mind 4 dogs, 2 chickens, 2 ducks, and a baby.

  5. I would almost feel sorry for you…but having visited Malaysia myself I totally understand the toilet situation. I must add that I hope you were informed about shaking hands in Malaysia. There is only one hand acceptable for this custom because the other one is used for wiping a certain area of your body on a regular basis! I hope this was mentioned to you…if not…too late!

  6. eewwwwww! I would have to pass…I have nightmares that I can’t find a clean toilet to pee, this would freak me out!

  7. Wait until you find foot prints on the toilet seat! As western style hotels are being built they do install standard western style toilets. However the Malaysian staff don’t like to sit on them either! Instead, they actually STAND on the toilet seat and squat the way they do with the hole in the floor!

  8. Soon after I arrived in the Philippines I found black shoe sole marks on toilet seats, and I didn’t know why. I was distracted by wonderment at the hoses (usually without sprayers), buckets of water, buckets of poop tissue, lack of tissue rolls, hot water and soap… Eventually I saw dark grey shoe print/boot prints on a toilet seat, so I realized that Filipinos would stand on then squat over toilet seats. Most restrooms that had toilet bowls didn’t have seats attached! Then I went to Malaysia and found that many places had not toilet bowls, with or without seats, but rather these ceramic basins in the wet floors. Lovely. I am so glad to be back in the U.S.!

  9. Asian toilets can be pretty bad. Nobody seems to clean them…. ever. I would not call them restrooms, resting is something one would not be advised to do. Asians consider sitting down on a seat where somebody else has taken a dump is pretty dirty too and you know how guys miss…. All pretty obvious really.

    After using the veg sprayer or rinser in Asia for the last 8 years, I am now lost with out one since moving back to Europe. Feel dirty if I can’t wash after wiping my ass, I am amazed that westerners really consider that wiping with dry tissue will ever make one clean… It’s what one gets used to I guess. The bidet needs to make a serious come back in the west it would save a LOT of paper too.

    Pepto Bismol is a US drug, there are many modern alternatives available in Asia and probably better at a fraction of the price. Most pharmacies can supply them.

    Pity no blog about Cambodia, suggest staying longer in one place, please forgive me for saying that your blog is a bit naive, you need to lose what I call the Disneyland syndrome, most backpackers see the world as big theme park. Oh, and its not better or worse than home, its just different.

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Published On: Tue, Aug 9th, 2016

Putin, Erdogan agree on steps to mend relations

Russia Turkey

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan says after talks with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin that the two nations can rebuild their damaged ties and make them even closer.

CBC | World News

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