text:
I would just like to say.

Screw this whole posting pictures of myself for encouragement. My camera batteries are dead and i have no money to go buy new ones to have them die in a month. If we could just get on the ball with a new energy source for small technology that would be GREAT. Or if someone could just buy me an iphone, that would also be appropriate. Because we all you know get some super secret knowledge to conquer the world when you receive an iphone and super powers with your thumbs… touch my screen biatch! i’m an iphone and i’m awesome. Maybe i just need to let it go and realize i’ll never own one. JUST KIDDING. I’ll never actually let those words escape from my mouth. Moving on from the iphone is the harry potter equivalent of saying…Voldemort. AH!

ALSO. I haven’t been drinking lately, no money really to do so. The most prefered would be Shipyard export on draft since it’s local, or chamberlin. Or Allagash, or Geary’s HSA Mostly amber beers that are like a middle of the road easy to drink many and not too filling like the darker beers where i have one and wonder why there is a brick in my stomach. Making me reach for my trusty bottle of tums in vain since i have been half heartedly attempting to leave the supersized bottle of chewable calcium tablets at home. I get so excited, shuffle around in the black hole i call a purse only to be let down. But the empty calories and being even more hungry after drinking and while walking home buying a bag of honey mustard and onion pretzel pieces and eatting the whole bag in one sitting…says something to you. It was like a fat kid on cake. But i am the fat kid and i love cake.

In other news. My apartments oddly clean, well minus everything i shoved in my bedroom thinking my friend would lend me a steam cleaner but hasn’t yet.

Onward and upwards to make some cupcakes!! I have strawberries so i think they will be strawberry vanilla cupcakes.
Here is the link to…um freaking amazing cupcakes. Make them, visit this blog. http://gastronomyblog.com/2009/03/24/strawberry-cupcakes-with-strawberry-frosting/
I’m also cool and wearing about four shirts right now, three tank tops and a t shirt. Not many people can pull that off you know.

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I failed my first day of eating raw. i decided a sammich would be much better, *AND OH EM GEE WHAT A MISTAKE!! i can already feel different. i had and have no digestive issues when i eat raw so what is stopping me from doing this all the time?! i need to find a way to make it filling so i dont feel like i am lacking.  eventually i figured this out and i definitely learned my lesson today. i would much rather FEEL better all the time.  than eat food that makes me happy for just a small amount of time. it will be tough, I’m done lying to myself, there’s no easy way around this. I’m not gonna complain anymore about being single and things not working out because I’m not changing myself to be better. I’m also tired of hearing about people who do nothing to change their habits and complain about it. They have the tools and resources and no commitment. I’m not going to push my ideals down people throats, but i’m not going to let other peoples opinions get the best of me.

i’ve had an apple, i’ve had a salad, i’ve had carrots, and for dinner i’ll eat raw

but lunch? don’t you dare take away lunch from me. also anyone have a juicer they want to let me borrow?

I’m also trying to figure out the next few months. I would like to go on an adventure, um and not go to school next semester but i know thats not a possibility and i have to be enrolled somewhere, anywhere thats accredited and be there part time.

One response to “Eat-ting.

  1. I know how you feel. For me, if I add avocado or nuts and seeds to my salads, I usually get filled up. And they provide much needed protein and good fats. I am on my fifth day of raw and I think the only thing that really helps me is blogging. I know I have just a few readers but I feel I dont want to let them down so I am more focused on that. I challenged myself to a month. I am craving pizza though. Maybe Ill reward myself at the end of the month with a splurge 🙂 Dont give up!

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Power Blubbing & VHS Splice Up

Date: Sunday, May 22 (10am-3 pm)
Registration Fee: $10 mem | $40 non
Instructors: Ed Ackerman & Wilda WahnWitz

For more information on workshops or to sign-up, please contact the Training & Outreach Programs Coordinator at 925-3450 or darcy@winnipegfilmgroup.com.

Germany meets Winnipeg! A double workshop featuring Cologne, Germany artist, Wilda Wahnwitz and Winnipeg’s own, Ed Ackerman. This double workshop will take participants on a journey of two new art forms creating Viral Art with “Power Blubbing” and later, splice editing a VHS Feature Film in less time it will take to watch it.

~ by cineflyer on May 19, 2011.

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Back to All Events

Scaling Up Solar: Exercising Caution with Large-Scale Solar Leases to Protect Area Farmers and Other Large Landowners

  • Rosendale Community Center 1055 New York 32 Rosendale, NY, 12472 United States (map)

With the extension of the federal investment tax credit and a new state Clean Energy Standard on the horizon, developers have been scanning Google Earth and cold-calling landowners in the Mid-Hudson region with offers to lease their land.  It is critical that landowners and municipalities are prepared to make well-informed decisions to maximize the potential benefits to climate, the property owner, and the community, while minimizing unintended costs and risks.

Join us for an informational forum, co-sponsored by the Ulster County Climate Smart Committee, CLP and others, to gather legal, tax, and zoning information for landowners and municipal officials, so that they can make more informed decisions about siting solar farms on their properties and in their communities.

Video of the event:

Welcome:  Jen Metzger, Rosendale Councilwoman and Co-Director of Citizens for Local Power (CLP).
Overview:  Steve Mogel, Esq., an attorney from Sullivan County with expertise in large-scale solar lease issues.
Update on Zoning and Related Issues:  David Church, AICP, Commissioner of Planning, Orange County, and Meister Consulting
Tax Implications:  Thomas Jackson, Director of Ulster County Real Property Tax Service Agency, and Michael Dunham, Assessor, Towns of Rosendale, Marbletown and Rochester.
Alternatives to Solar Lease Offers;  Community Solar, DRG, etc.:  Susan Gillespie, President of the Board, CLP
Q & A Panel:  With all presenters, plus Dick Riseling of Sullivan Alliance for Sustainable Development.   Moderated by Ulster County Legislator Manna Jo Greene, Chairman of Ulster County Climate Smart Committee.

Sponsors:  Ulster County Climate Smart Committee, Cornell Cooperative Extension of Ulster County, Catskill Mountainkeeper, Citizens for Local Power, Hudson Valley Regional Council Sustainability Committee Energy Working Group, Orange County Planning Department, Rondout Valley Growers Association, Sullivan Alliance for Sustainable Development, Sustainable Hudson Valley, Ulster County Planning Department, Ulster County Real Property Tax Service Agency, and the Ulster County Association of Town Supervisors and Mayors.


text:
Clare-aracteristics: typically alert and have streamlined behavior; studious, productive, unless they are sleep/food-deprived and on a permanent caffeine high from the last several weeks. Then you get shit like:

Wednesday night, 10:00PM: I realize I don’t know anything in class-that-I’m-failing and I’m behind on readings for class-that-I’m-doing-awesome in. I start to worry…

Ideal Course of Action: Pull an all-nighter and study.

The reality: Declined an offer of coffee, in the interest of giving my body a rest from many days of being hard-wired with caffeine. Passed out on three separate occasions while attempting to study via lecture podcast, gave up (I tried, I tried!). Fell dead asleep around 3:00AM at my friend’s apartment. That term paper and one hour of sleep the day before, ah, fucked me up. Amount of studying accomplished? Nada.

Thursday morning, 7:00AM: Woke up thinking, fuck! I should probably go to the library and check out that textbook that I’ve never read and maybe read some chapters, so that maybe I can pick up some…information. Skated to my apartment to change, stuffed food in my mouth, grabbed my gallon of orange juice (extra pulp!) fridge and poured myself a glass and…

Ideal Situation: Catch the bus to the library, check out & read textbook. Take finals at 11:00AM and 2:00PM.

The reality: The bus is stopping, I pat my pockets and realize I have no ID card. Shit! I lie convincingly to get a free ride. At library, I read the sign that ID cards are required to check out materials from Reserves. Shit! I convince random well-dressed guy, also awake at this ungodly hour, to check out my book for me. Bury my head in the textbook. It only makes me realize screwed I am & just how many lectures I have missed.

Thursday morning, 10:00AM: Shit! I remember some professors require you to have an ID card for verification purposes during finals. Having missed that lecture where he talked about the final, I don’t want to risk it. Catch the bus back to my apartment to grab my ID. Look at the kitchen counter and oh, wow, the orange juice is right where I forgot all about it. Return the OJ gallon to the fridge and chug the glass poured three hours ago (I figure it’s still good), say morning to my housemate, skate out the door to catch the bus looping down to campus…

Ideal Situation: There is none. Keep reviewing notes. Um, out of options – hope for a miracle?

The reality: PURE RELIEF. Final was conceptual and not factual/detail oriented. Bullshit through the experiment-based questions that make up most of the final with my SHARP critical-analytical skills, finishing an hour ahead of schedule. I have some fucking luck. I am so passing this class. But no more slacking off.

Thursday noon, 12:00AM: At a cafe, downing an iced mocha (I lied-I NEED THIS). If I forgot about the orange juice, I wonder what else I forgot about? Uh oh. I was supposed to return this book I borrowed from the grad student today, I think I packed it in my backpack this morning…

Ideal Situation: Find book in backpack. Read over some chapters before my second final.

The reality: In place of book, is my laptop?! Book must still be at friend’s apartment. Scrounge around for my cellphone, to call friend to bring book, perhaps? Damn, forgot cellphone at home. Pull out laptop, AIM for a while, check out some RSS feeds, review for the final, which is about the only thing that went as planned today. Then I realized I didn’t have a bluebook, so I had to go and buy one and rush to the final, which was much more difficult than I expected, because I was burning out by like 2:00PM…

Thursday afternoon, 4:00PM: The newest problem is that the MCB departmental office closes at 5:00PM and it will take me that long to finish my shift. I also have to turn in the keys and my timesheet, but if I turn in my keys first then I can’t get back in the fish facility? Grr, I’m getting this done today.

Solution: Speed. I’m hungry. And tired. Mostly hungry. Or tired. Feeling dead. Skate to catch the bus.

Thursday afternoon, 6:00PM: I’m home! Shower, eat, do dishes, chill with housemates, dump out in my backpack, and skate over to a friend’s. Where I am determined to finish this *points to huge to-do list* before tomorrow. Like get a taxi quote, exchange my order, schedule another pick-up for Comcast, etc. Move out day is August 31st, so it’s around time to get the ball rolling…

Thursday night, 10:00PM: So. I’m pretty fucking tired already. For the last month or so I’ve been awake ~20 hours a day. I’m starting to notice the effects. In the way my mind feels slightly disjointed, thinking in twenty directions at once; my body is actually working. I have some crazy muscle memory: how I manage to stay balanced on a skateboard running on days when I have no energy, I don’t know.

Twenty hours is the amount I need to get everything I want done in a day. I’m tired, but fuck, it’s fucking euphoric because my life is quite fulfilling (like dark chocolate), at the expense of sleep. My memory runs like Memento, haha, and I ramble so much when I’m sleepy.

I stay awake through sheer force of will, but matter is overtaking mind. I just wind up…crashing

like right now…yeah goodnight, maybe, for an hour?


text:
Sleepless by Charlie Huston. Alas, no.

Read  December 2017, sort of
Recommended for sleepy people
★    ★

This should have been right up my alley. I really enjoy Huston’s writing and story approach, and I have a fondness for end-of-the-world stories, but this was a resounding ‘meh.’

Usually, Huston is skilled at piquing my interest in characters lacking in likable traits or heroic qualities. I just could not develop any concern for the main character, Parker Hass (Parker. Totally generic name), who seems like a full-on Heroic-But-Loner-Boy-Scout, which you would think would be even more likable than a slacker (Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death) or a nihilistic vampire (the Joe Pitt series). But no. He was blander than white bread toast with margarine.

The narrative is three-fold, switching between the third-person view of our hero, the first-person view of our hero, and the view of a Antihero-Loner-Art-Appreciating-Assassin (a more common trope in movies). Somewhere in here, I might have cared, except I didn’t. I was mostly bored.

And the plague? Again, I love me a good disease, and real diseases are totally scary, so it should be easy to tap into an imaginary one, right? I mean, c’mon, zombie fan here. But the ‘disease’ of sleeplessness was just… sleep-inducing. Maybe Huston is such a great writer that the power of suggestion worked on me. Could be. I do know from my own episodes of sleep-deprivation or poor sleep-quality (man, do I ever dislike night shifts), that sleep-deprivation is an insidious and terrible thing. Except the horror of it rarely develops, really. It relies on Parker’s infant and his sleep-deprived wife to really get at the delusions. It should be worse, it really should; perhaps Parker is so guarded from his own emotions around it, his tightly contained fear, that it’s hard to believe he is scared.

I’m afraid I’m kind of soured on this book for a while, and will throw it into the pile to one day re-read. Meanwhile, it has me thinking about re-reading Huston’s other works to recapture that fond feeling.

About thebookgator

avid reader and Goodreads reviewer looking for a home.
This entry was posted in Book reviews, Science fiction and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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Gallery of Books

Yes, that’s one of my many bookshelves above on the header.

The book covers for reviewed books are below. Book quilt!

4 Responses to Gallery of Books

  1. I love this gallery thing, so I copied you. Now I can display my favorite book covers. I was already collecting them on Pinterest, but it’s nice to be able to have them on the blog.

  2. thebookgator says:

    Thanks! I’m really liking the options of wordpress. I haven’t ventured over to Pintrest–I have enough bad habits!

  3. Rabindranauth says:

    Whoa. This is awesome. Is this a feature of your specific theme, or something in the page settings?

  4. thebookgator says:

    Fun, right, Rabindranauth? It isn’t the theme. I believe in the wordpress writing section there is a ‘library’ of images. I created a page and then linked the image gallery to it. When I write a review, I upload a copy of the book cover I read–it usually serves as a visual cue for me– and then periodically update the page. I can retrace my steps more fully if you are interested.

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text:
Over the Moon

It’s Sunday again, and that can only mean one thing: fantasy football.

And this week, my team is actually winning. You cannot imagine how surprised I am.

In all fairness, it does help that my opponent’s team flopped. His quarterback, Russell Wilson, got a stellar 9.56 points – about half of what he was projected to get. And to add on to that, my opponent’s tight end, one of his wide receivers, and one of his running backs all performed poorly. I bet now he wishes that he had played Travis Benjamin (his benched wide receiver who got 23 points).

But enough of my opponent. How did I do? The answer: pretty damn well.

It wasn’t actually a great week for my quarterback, though. My father and I decided to bench Roethlisberger because we thought Tennessee’s defense would be easier to get points off of. We were wrong, but it didn’t really matter, because our defense was terrific. As I mentioned last week, we drafted Arizona’s defense and they really came through: 4 interceptions, one returned for a touchdown, and only seven points scored against them. As a result of their performance, my team got to add 24 points to our overall score.

But it wasn’t just the defense. Nearly everyone did well today. For example, Isaiah Crowell: he got 133 rush yards and 1 touchdown (and like 15 receiving yards that didn’t really contribute to his total) to get 20.80 points and be the #2 running back of the week. And then there was DeAndre Hopkins (our first round pick) who got 113 yards and 1 touchdown and was rewarded with 17.30 points. Add that to the 14 points our tight end got, and we were in the lead for most of Sunday afternoon.

But we’re not done yet! We still have two players left to go (Ryan Matthews and Blair Walsh) so by tomorrow we’re projected to get 126.78 points – which would be about 47 points more than my opponent. As it is, we’re already 30 points up and he doesn’t have anyone left to play.

So it’s safe to say that this has been a good fantasy week for my team. Sure, we made some mistakes – we probably should have played Roethlisberger, and maybe instead of having DeSean Jackson in the W/R/T position, we should have played Clive Walford (who got 11 points compared to Jackson’s 4) but all in all, this was a really good week.

And hopefully we keep this momentum going.

week two player stats.PNG
My team’s performance (left) this week compared to that of my opponent.

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Lost Years Scenario

Despite the downtrend since December, we are still above the main upward trend channel, which we could re-enter till July (red ellipse) but there are two strong support lines that have to snap in order to see a further downtrend: the 0.618 fib retracement of the former 12345 Elliott Wave and the 0.618 fib speed retracement of its start impulse.

In case the 12345 Elliott wave is complete, the (regularly) following ABC correction pattern should end near to the end of the former wave 4 and as there are three possible 4s, I showed every possible end of this ABC correction of which the purple C is the most likely, in my opinion.

Furthermore, I marked two critical points with a yellow ellipse:

1) B crossing 0.618 fib retracement upwards ( bullish ) or 0.5 fib speed retracement downwards ( bearish )

2) Purple and red C crossing 0.786 fib retracement and 0.382 fib speed retracement downwards ( bearish ) -or- both just got touched by the green C (sideways / bullish )

Either way, afterwards there should be tested the next higher fib retracement zone again as shown in the chart.

Which way we will finally take, depends on the fundamentals for BTC             and how the market mood reacts to them. For now, they do not look very good, to be honest.

In comparison with other cryptocurrencies, BTC is technologically broken:
  • higher fees
  • slower (around 10 transactions per second)
  • unsure (many unconfirmed transactions)

Seriously, who wants to pay 20 $ fee and wait 20 minutes (or even longer) for a cup of coffee? ;-)

Due to its lack of understanding the Bitcoin             Core Group achieved the loss of most of BTCs             market share to alternative cryptos within the last year and no end is in sight.

On top of that comes the Tether issue, see http://www.tetherreport.com: Kindly google             it as I am too lazy to explain why it affects the whole market ;)

Unfortunately, as most crypto exchanges still use BTC             as main trading pair for all other cryptos, the price trend of BTC             affects all other cryptos, as well. Therefore we will likely observe the war and raise of an alternative main trading cryptozerpency (hups... ;) ) as long as BTC             is not getting fixed.
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text:
Trouble in Paradise: Could Tropical Storm Sandy be in the Works?

by Sarah Dillingham
CNN Meteorologist

“I’m not dead yet!”  No, this isn’t a Monty Python spoof, but the Tropics are certainly not dead yet as Tropical Depression 18 developed earlier today, according to the National Hurricane Center (NHC).  At 1:00 pm EDT winds in TD-18 were sustained at 30 mph, and movement was very slow off to the southwest at 5 mph.  If this depression reaches tropical storm status it will be Sandy, the 18th named storm of the Atlantic Hurricane Season.

Forecast models show this storm heading off to the north and east over the next several days, and most of them seem to develop this system into a tropical storm over the next 24-36 hours.  Typically, storms that originate in this region during the month of October will travel over the Caribbean before heading out into the Atlantic Ocean, towards Bermuda.  To obtain better data on this tropical disturbance, hurricane hunters are heading to the area to investigate it further.

So how busy has the season been?  Recall the NHC’s early August forecast was updated to 12-17 named storms in the Atlantic Basin, with 5-8 becoming hurricanes, and 2-3 being major hurricanes.  So far this season, there have been 17 named storms, 9 of which became hurricanes, and only 1 becoming a major hurricane, Hurricane Michael, with winds sustained at or above 111 mph.  This has obviously been an above normal season thus far, and will go down in the record books as one of the busier seasons in recent years.  Although we are fairly late in the Atlantic Hurricane Season, which lasts from June 1 – November 30, it is not uncommon to see tropical cyclones develop during the month of October.  According to the NHC, we typically see a secondary peak in tropical cyclone development around mid-October, which is evident in the recent development of Tropical Storm Patty and Hurricane Rafael.

From 1992-2011, there have been 49 named tropical cyclones develop within the month of October, and notable storms have made landfall on the U.S. coastlines during the month.  One storm in particular was Hurricane Opal on October 4, 1995 which attained Category 4 Hurricane status in the Gulf of Mexico and ultimately made landfall near Pensacola Beach, FL as a Category 3 hurricane.

Follow us on Twitter @CNNWeather for the link to our CNN Hurricane Tracker and to receive the latest #Tropical updates.

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text:
Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Pontevedra Pensées: 31.1.17

Not only in Spain 1: It's reported today that the UK Tax Office has issued a massively increased number of fines for mistakes in declarations. And, of course, denied that it's going after the low-hanging middle-class fruit, rather than the big avoiders/evaders. Accountants here are said to have expressed fears that the Inland Revenue may be treating some mistakes as evasion. Welcome to the Hispanic world, where no mistakes are innocent - even the misspelling of your name - and are all heavily penalised. At least in the case of Modelo 720. Where even such a simple mistake costs you €100 and late submission at least €1,500. It's called penalty farming.

Not only in Spain 2: I saw this headline in The Times today - Boss paid for a decade without working - and thought: That can only be Spain: Sure enough it was a guy who duly logged in and out every day for 10 years, earning €50,000 a year for doing sweet FA. Or, as he put it, working on (unspecified) out-of-office projects. Officially he was Head of Books in a the Archive Department of a Valencian council. Needless to say, there weren't many books. And he never had an office. Or even a desk. Nice work, if you can get it. Whistle-blowing is not a developed calling in Spain. Especially if it's a relative or a friend. Or even an acquaintance.

I watched Donald Trump sign his controversial Executive Order on Muslim Immigration. As you'd expect, it's so large and florid this takes longer to do than to write out the order itself. As regards this legislation, the main questions - it seems to me - are not whether it's as good or as bad as anything Obama did, or whether it's a betrayal of American/universal values, or whether it's in accordance with the wishes of (a minority?) of American voters, or even whether it's legal under the constitution. They are whether - as with his Mexican wall - it will be effective, and whether it will be counter-productive. And, so, stupid. There are plenty of people - me included - who can see and understand his (alt-right?) rationale and can agree that liberals must take some of the blame for it but who reach the (balanced?) conclusion that it's an enormous mistake that will result - not just in immediate misery for many - but in greater loss of American lives. Exactly what Trump claims he's trying to prevent. It's as if he's never heard the comment that The result of every [rapidly and inefficiently enacted] major reform is the exact opposite of that which it was designed to bring about. Time will tell, as it always does. Though Trump could well be six-feet under by then, if my assassination bet comes off.

Today's foto: Of a card given to me by my younger daughter, who believes I spend too much time on my laptop . . .

Mind you . . . She is a woman who has no TV, can't find the handset to the landline and has more than 1,000 emails in her In Box because she doesn't like using a computer. But, to be fair, she does occasionally use her expensive MacAir laptop to watch videos of her favourite comedy series. Especially Curb Your Enthusiasm, so she can regularly point out how like Larry David I am. Of course, the good news is that I can write what I like about her here with impunity, as she's never going to read it. Unless my elder daughter snitches on me. Sorry, my mistake. The MacAir doesn't play videos . . .

Finally . . . Not only in Spain 3. I bought a ticket on the net for a train to London later this week. As our local initiating station doesn't have a machine, my son-in-law tried this morning to collect it at a station in Manchester, when a Collection Number - not the Confirmation Number - was demanded. This appeared in none of the 3 places Trainline said it would; so I had to download their app to my Spanish mobile and get the ticket on my phone. Which means roaming charges today and on the day of travel. Maybe the companies have shares in each other . . .

Monday, January 30, 2017

Pontevedra Pensées: 30.1.17

If you want to read about Spain's excellent macro-economic growth - and to see a gratuitous picture of a pretty girl in shorts - click here.

I am truly astonished that anyone is surprised at Trump's anti-Muslim executive order dressed up as an anti-terrorist measure. Everything we knew about the man and his pathological narcissism and political inexperience screamed that something like it would be quickly coming down the pike. As our American cousins put it. What can one say better than these comments this morning?:
  • It's chaos. It's hard to know if this White House did this because they don't understand how government works, or through willful incompetence.
  • It is malevolence tempered by incompetence: It’s a very dangerous thing to have a White House that can’t, with the remotest pretense of competence and governance, put together a major policy document on a crucial set of national security issues without inducing an avalanche of litigation and wide diplomatic fallout. If the incompetence mitigates the malevolence in this case, that’ll be a blessing. But given the nature of the federal immigration powers, the mitigation may be small and the blessing short-lived; the implications of having an executive this inept are not small and won’t be short-lived.
  • Ultimately, we fear this executive order will become a self inflicted wound in the fight against terrorism - a move that would only help Isil in its propaganda. - John McCain, former Republican presidential nominee, who is a leading voice in the party condemned the action, as
And did you see his signature in the order - taking up half a page?  Click here for why he does this. And everything else the rest of us can scarcely credit.

I have shortened my odds on his being assassinated by his own Republican party, for fear that he will destroy it.

Today's fotos:- The environs of Tineo, Asturias in spring and winter. It's a place I have very fond memories of . . . .

Finally . . .  Let's hear it again for my black electricians' tape. I finally figured out that my Mac was failing to charge not because the metal connection was poor but because the cable going into the connecting plug was faulty. At this point I should confess that the cable is not from Apple. Anyway, having pushed the cable into the plug, I've now secured it with black tape. Ugly but effective. My daughters, by the way, are each on their 3rd Mac laptop but I refuse to be forced to replace one which is only 5 years old or so and which cost more than 1,000 dollars.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Comment from Pontevedra 29.1.17

Penned at 3.20am:

Since last Tuesday, my daughter, granddaughter and son-in-law have all come down, in rapid succession, with a 48 hour vomit-oriented virus. And last night it hit me around 9pm. So I immediately retired to bed, maximised my warmth and slept fitfully until 3.15, taking a drink of water every half-hour or so. Because I have a pact with the Devil, I wasn't too surprised to find at this hour that my symptoms had virtually vanished and I hadn't needed the bowl at the side of the bed. What did surprise - and disappoint – me was that I couldn't recall the detailed blog item I'd penned in my sleep. All I can remember is that it centred on a particular person – The Angel of Asturias – praying to a god I don't believe in for my rapid recovery. And something about the ridiculous Santiago myths that generate so much money for Spain via the annually increasing raft of camino pilgrimages.

So, I took a strong analgesic – which may well stimulate the vomiting I've (not) missed – and will now try to induce The Committee of Sleep to bring the blog post back to mind for tomorrow morning.

HT to my friend David for informing me of this article:-

After Eta: Spain’s History Of Violence:  Tobias Buck, The FT

If you want to understand what is happening in the Basque country, says Carlos Totorika, you have to look into people’s eyes. “You notice it in the eyes if someone hates you or not. You see it in an instant, even if they don’t speak a word,” he says. “And the eyes look different now. People are leaving the hate behind.”Totorika was a young man when he was first elected mayor of Ermua, a small town in the Spanish Basque country, back in 1991. He has been mayor ever since. Now a silver-haired man of 60, he has learnt everything there is to know about hate, and what it does to people. He has buried comrades killed by an assassin’s bullet, and seen his own name, address and car licence plate on a kill list. He spent 15 years being shadowed by armed bodyguards.

Then, suddenly, everything changed. After five decades of violence and murder, the Basque separatist group Eta decided to abandon what it called its “armed activity”. The announcement came on October 20 2011, sparking relief across Spain. It brought an end to a bloody campaign that started when Eta killed its first victim, a police officer, in 1968. It went on to murder 845 people, most of them in the small sliver of land it claimed to be fighting for. Now, finally, the killing was over. Politicians, prosecutors, judges and journalists stopped looking over their shoulders and under their cars. Hundreds were relieved of their bodyguards.

“I am a free man. I live without fear. I can go out with my wife. I can go to the cinema,” Totorika tells me. We are in his office, on the first floor of Ermua’s imposing Baroque town hall. It is a gloomy rain-lashed day, not untypical for the region. But the mayor’s eyes light up as he reflects on his new life. “It is wonderful. There is no other word for it. To live freely and without fear is wonderful.”

The sense of wonder is evident across the Basque country. There is talk of a return to normality, and an effort to bolster what Spaniards call convivencia — living together. Many see a bright new future for what is already one of the richest regions in Spain, an industrial powerhouse and a magnet for tourists and foreign investors alike. The leaden atmosphere of terror has given way to a lighter mood: Basques today are counting Michelin stars, not bodies.

But amid the newfound tranquillity, there is still unfinished business. On one side of the political divide, there is bitterness that Eta’s announcement did not prompt conciliatory steps from the Spanish government. On the other, there is exasperation that Eta has yet to give up its weapons, or to formally disband.

Eta was founded in 1959, during the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. Its mission was to fight for the independence of the greater Basque country, a region straddling the Franco-Spanish border. The group went on to assassinate Luis Carrero Blanco, Franco’s chosen successor in 1973, a killing that had profound political repercussions. Since 2011 though, Eta has made news only sporadically, mostly when another of its dwindling band of members is arrested. The group inhabits a strange netherworld, neither dead nor alive, as it waits for a grand political settlement that will probably never come.

But there is another source of tension, which shows up in the words that people use to describe the recent past, in the way they count the victims, and the starting point they choose to tell their tale. It has to do with the struggle to fit a million memories of fear and loss into a broader narrative — and find a version of history that is generous enough to unite a people torn by trauma, yet true enough to sort victims from perpetrators. It is about who gets to tell the Basque history of violence, and how.

This is the struggle that breaks out every time a cruel regime falls, a campaign of terror ends or a civil war draws to a close. Who was right and who was wrong? What must we do so the killing does not happen again? And why did we start shooting in the first place? The questions now being asked in the Basque country are the same ones that haunted South Africa and Bosnia a generation ago — and that surfaced in Spain after the end of the Franco regime. Many prefer not to ask them. But those who do are well aware that defining the past means shaping the future, in the Basque country and beyond. And, according to some leading combatants, it is a struggle that neither side dares to lose.

The Basque country is tiny — just a quarter of the size of Belgium. But it packs an awful lot into that small area, from the rough Atlantic coast to the peaks of the Basque Mountains and a patchwork of steep, narrow valleys in between. Land is so scarce — and so much is taken up by industry — that even small towns have been forced to build high-rise buildings. Wherever one looks, one sees bridges, railway lines, factories, apartment blocks and ancient churches jostling for space.

The drive from Ermua to Lasarte, just outside San Sebastián, takes less than an hour. There was no one to talk to here, just a place to find: the scene of a notorious crime that was committed two decades ago — the murder of Miguel Angel Blanco.

I am told that locals are normally reluctant to speak about the killing, but the new era seems to have made people more relaxed. Within minutes of my ordering pintxosin a local bar, the waiter has tracked down one of the ambulance drivers who recovered the body. We set off along the river in his ancient Volvo, until the car comes to an abrupt halt. “It was here,” our guide says.

There is nothing except trees and undergrowth. The ground rises steeply on both sides but there is a flat section by the fast-flowing stream that is just big enough to stage an execution. What happened here changed the course of recent Basque history.

A 29-year-old from Ermua, Blanco had served on the same council as Carlos Totorika. He was a member of the conservative Popular party, while Totorika was a life-long Socialist. But the mayor liked the young councillor, and admired his courage. He remembers Blanco telling the mother of an Eta prisoner in a public meeting that her son was a criminal, not a hero. Such plain-speaking was rare in the Basque country at the time. Still, Blanco thought he had no reason to be afraid. He always told his family and friends that he was not important enough to be an Eta target.

He was wrong. Blanco was abducted by an Eta commando in July 1997, held for 48 hours while Eta demanded that all its prisoners be transferred to the Basque country, and finally taken to this forest. His killers forced him to kneel on the ground, before firing two bullets into his head.

Eta had killed hundreds of people before, and would kill dozens more. But this time was different. Perhaps it was because of Blanco himself, a small-time politician who looked even younger than his years. Or the psychological torture inflicted on his family and friends, who knew that the government would never fulfil Eta’s demands. In the two days between his abduction and his killing, some six million people took part in rallies and vigils to demand his release. In the Basque country, too, ordinary citizens decided it was time to stand up to Eta. The revulsion was universal, and would follow the group all the way to 2011. Eta killed a man, but it dug a grave for its own ambitions along the way.

“When they killed my brother, no one came up with the slightest justification. It took people until 1997 to realise that the victim of terrorism is innocent,” says Mari Mar Blanco, who was 23 at the time. The sense of loss is still raw; her voice breaks as she recalls the last day she saw him alive. But she also sees the murder as a rare moment of moral clarity for Basque society. “People realised that the victims are always the innocent ones, and the perpetrators are always the guilty ones.”

The country took the death of Miguel Angel Blanco in a way it had never done before, she adds. “I remember people saying: he is only 29. Not that the killing would have been any more justified if he had been 40, but people looked at him and saw a son, a brother, a boyfriend. People would say: I have a picture of your brother in my living room, next to the photo of my family. Everyone in that moment saw him as part of their family.”

Today, Blanco is a member of parliament for the ruling Popular party and a prominent advocate for Spanish victims of terror. She appears regularly on the pages of the conservative media but has a much lower profile in her native Basque country. The PP is a mere splinter party there, where the main conservative force is the moderately nationalist Basque National Party. Many Basques view Spain’s ruling party much like Blanco regards the region’s radical secessionists: as hardliners, extreme and divisive.

“They know that they lost,” Blanco says, referring to Eta and its sympathisers. “They will never admit it in public but they know they were defeated. And they know they cannot afford to lose the other battle — the battle for the historical narrative.” She adds: “We cannot afford to lose this battle.”

One key combatant in that struggle is Florencio Domínguez, a former journalist who now presides over the Foundation for the Memory of Victims of Terror. His office in the Basque capital of Vitoria is as bare as a monk’s cell — but it offers a view to the site across the road that will one day house a museum dedicated to the history of terror here. One of his tasks is to fill the building with objects, pictures, words — and a coherent narrative. He also oversees a well-funded research effort, involving many of the region’s most prominent historians.

“We are in a paradoxical situation. Younger people who are now in their twenties have little direct experience of terrorism. They are not well-informed, and this all seems like a distant thing to them. And then we have the grown-up generation that knows from experience what terrorism is. But they often just want to turn the page,” Domínguez says. “We want to reach as many people as possible, make them aware of what terrorism is and make clear that there is no justification for terrorism.”

That educational impulse, he admits, runs into two serious obstacles. One is the desire, shared by many Basques, to simply forget about the past. The other is a powerful counter-narrative that views the region’s history differently: as one of conflict between two sides, in which both Eta and the Spanish government committed their share of abuses, and in which both sides suffered trauma, death and injustice.

“They are trying to win one battle because they lost the other,” says José Antonio Pérez, a professor of history at the University of the Basque Country, who leads the terrorism research group. “If you convince, you win. The story they are trying to establish is that there was a political conflict that is both origin and justification for the violence [of Eta] . . . As Hannah Arendt once said, where everyone is guilty, no one is.”

“They” are the members of the so-called Izquierda Abertzale, the pro-independence radical left in the Basque country. This was the movement that provided the political part in Eta’s “politico-military strategy”. Over the years, it gave birth to a variety of parties, some of which — like Herri Batasuna — were banned by Spanish courts for their close ties to Eta. Over the years, more and more members of the Izquierda Abertzale turned against Eta’s violence. But in the battle for narrative, they insist that the recent history of the Basque country is no simple tale of darkness and light.

“We need to construct a history that is inclusive — a history of histories. What we don’t need is a history of victors and vanquished.” So says Arnaldo Otegi, the leader of EH Bildu, a party that is the latest — and probably permanent — incarnation of the Izquierda Abertzale. A former member of Eta, Otegi spent long years in jail, both for his Eta activities and, most recently, for his role in trying to re-establish the banned Herri Batasuna party. He was released just in time for the Basque regional election last September, though a Spanish court subsequently banned him from running as a candidate.

In the rest of Spain, he is loathed as an apologist for terror by all but a small minority. In the Basque country, however, things are different. EH Bildu won 21 per cent of the regional vote, making it the second-largest bloc in parliament. Otegi himself, meanwhile, wins praise even from some of his political opponents for helping to push Eta towards its 2011 declaration.

Otegi insists that the era of violence is over. But he also warns against a version of history that presents Eta’s deeds in isolation. “If you look at the history of this country, you will see that in the last three or four centuries there is not one generation that hasn’t known armed conflict,” he tells me. “Evidently, there is a political reason why this is happening. That is not to justify what happened. But to hide it is absurd.”

To understand the abyss in perception that looms in any discussion of Basque history and politics, I headed to the small town of Hernani, a short drive from San Sebastián. This is Abertzale territory. For many decades, Hernani and the towns and villages around it served as a source of manpower, funding and political support for Eta. No fewer than 23 of the 400 or so Eta prisoners still in jail come from tiny Hernani.

Here, too, it used to be hard for journalists to find people to talk to. But the recent political thawing has opened both minds and doors. One leads to the small, tidy apartment of Ricardo Mendiola, a life-long Abertzale, who served as mayor of Hernani from 1983 to 1987. It was a period that brought violence and death on a terrible scale. “There was fear and there was hatred. Visceral hatred,” he recalls.

For Mendiola and many of his voters, the fear and the hate were not directed at Eta but at the Spanish police and security forces — and at mercenary death squads such as the notorious Gal [Grupos Antiterroristas de Liberación]. Financed and supported by members of the Socialist government, the Gal murdered 27 Eta operatives and suspects between 1983 and 1987, often burying them in anonymous quicklime graves. In total, far-right and paramilitary groups murdered 62 people.

The so-called guerra sucia (dirty war) forms the darkest chapter in the history of modern democratic Spain. The interior minister at the time of the Gal killings was one of several top officials later convicted for his links to the group. But it was also the security apparatus itself that stretched the limits of state authority to breaking point and beyond. A study released by the Basque regional government last year found that more than 4,000 detainees were tortured by Spanish security officers between 1960 and 2013. UN reports detailed cases of torture as recently as 2004 (strongly denied in Madrid, where officials argue that Eta invents torture claims to blacken the government’s name abroad).

These are the memories that resonate in towns such as Hernani. They also loom large in the thick set of ringbinders that contain the official town history, and that now sit on the table in the mayor’s office. Luis Intxauspe, who hails from the same party as Otegi, emphasises from the outset that the local history project has nothing to do with the version being written by the professors in Vitoria.

“When we talk about historical memory our view goes back to 1936 and the start of Francoism. That is where we begin the narrative,” he says. Eta, he adds, cannot be understood in isolation. “The problem and the conflict did not start when Eta was founded and didn’t stop with the end of Eta.”

Historians such as Pérez are deeply wary of this kind of thinking. There is, he argues, no simple line that links the Franco dictatorship to the Eta killings to the Gal murders and to the situation of Eta prisoners today. “For them, context means justification,” he tells me. Whatever the crimes of the Franco regime, they cannot be taken as an excuse for a wave of killings that ended 36 years after the death of Franco. Indeed, more than 90 per cent of Eta victims were killed after Spain’s transition from dictatorship to democracy. The Gal, meanwhile, killed its last victim in 1987 — a decade before the murder of Miguel Angel Blanco, and 24 years before Eta announced the end of the “armed struggle”.

The issue of Eta prisoners, meanwhile, remains intensely controversial. In places such as Hernani, they are awarded a status that approaches martyrdom: the narrow lanes of the old town are plastered with banners showing their faces and names. There is a black-and-white mural near the town hall with portraits of all the Eta prisoners from Hernani (including Mendiola’s nephew). Every time one is released, his or her portrait is struck off. Abertzale leaders such as Otegi insist that all the prisoners have to be released, as would happen in a normal post-conflict agreement. At the very least, they say, the Spanish government should allow them to complete their sentences in Basque jails.

In Madrid, however, such pleas cut little ice. As long as Eta has not handed over its weapons and formally disbanded, the government refuses to contemplate a change in its prison policy. As for the notion of a normal post-conflict settlement, the response is equally clear: there was no conflict. Eta killers are murderers and will be treated as such.

The real outrage, says Mari Mar Blanco, is the hero’s welcome that released Eta prisoners continue to receive in places such as Hernani. Like many Spanish politicians who experienced the sharp end of Eta terror, she insists that there can be no negotiation with the group and its sympathisers. “The younger generation needs to know that to kill, as Eta did, achieves nothing. Eta achieved nothing in any of the causes that it claimed to kill for: it didn’t achieve the independence of the Basque country, and it did not bring home the prisoners. They achieved nothing, except to cause terrible pain.”

While in Vitoria, I meet another prominent sister with a story of grief and loss. Pili Zabala entered politics only last year, when she emerged as the leader of the anti-establishment Podemos party in the Basque country. Before that, her surname was known to Basques and Spaniards alike mainly in connection with one of the most notorious crimes of the Gal: the abduction, torture and killing of José Ignacio Zabala in 1983.

Zabala was 14 when her older brother disappeared, together with another Eta suspect from the same village. Year after year, the families pleaded with the Spanish authorities to reveal the whereabouts of the two men’s remains. But it was only in 1995 that a forensic examination was able to confirm that two bodies discovered a decade earlier in a quicklime grave near Alicante were those of Zabala and his friend, José Antonio Lasa.

“Eleven years, five months and five days,” Zabala says. “You always cheat yourself. I always dreamt that my brother was alive. It was a dream but it was also a defence mechanism, a survival mechanism.” A slight woman of 48, her voice is reduced to a whisper as she recalls that time. “You are lost in the world. I used to have moral and ethical references, religious references. They all broke. Justice doesn’t exist. Because of my own experience, I can say: there is no justice in the Spanish state.”

For more than a decade, the family had no grave to go to, and no help from the authorities. “We were aware that the very enemy that took my brother was governing us . . . We felt a terrible impotence.” Even today, Zabala says, she cannot bear the sight of Felipe González, prime minister from 1982 to 1996 (“I have to turn the television off”). Her view of Spain is tinged by bitterness and doubt. The murder of her brother — and the lack of serious punishment meted out to the perpetrators — suggests to her that the nation still has a long way to go before it can call itself a true democracy.

Looking back at the decades of bloodshed and violence, however, what strikes Zabala is the sheer absence of empathy. “People felt the pain of the victims on their side, but not on the other. There was no compassion, and no solidarity.”

It is difficult to convey, through the veil of time, how hard it was to escape from the terror that stalked the Basque country — how all-engulfing it was. So many deaths, so much fear, in so little space. Victims and perpetrators, running into each other in those narrow village lanes over and over again. As Iñaki Soto, the editor of Gara, an Abertzale newspaper based in San Sebastián, told me: “This was an untypical conflict in the sense that there was no social segregation. We lived in the same buildings. We took our kids to the same schools.”

There were years in which the killing came at a rate of one every three days. And while Eta initially targeted policemen and state representatives, the circle of death would widen ever further as the years went by: run your finger down the list of victims and you find taxi drivers, bakers, the owners of bars and restaurants, housewives, a couple of migrants from Ecuador caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. In 1987, an Eta bomb exploded in a Barcelona supermarket, killing 21 men, women and children who never had the slightest reason to fear the group’s wrath. It was Eta’s deadliest attack.

The suffering of the victims and their families went on long after the dead were buried. In a cruel inversion of normal human behaviour, it was often Eta’s victims who were isolated and stigmatised, while the perpetrators received shelter from their community. According to historians such as Pérez, this twisted social dynamic helps explain why Eta could carry on killing for so long.

“For decades, when Eta killed someone, people would say that the victim must have done something. The burden of proof fell on the victim. Eta was given the benefit of the belief that if they killed someone, it must have been for a reason. The killer was given solidarity when he was arrested. The day after an Eta commando was arrested there would be demonstrations and so on. But it took until the late 1980s and early 1990s for there to be demonstrations in solidarity with the victims.”

The balance finally tipped irrevocably in those fraught July days of 1997, as Spain waited for the death of Miguel Angel Blanco. “Terrorism needs social paralysis, it needs to create a spiral where every killing creates more fear. That spiral was broken in Ermua,” recalls Totorika, the mayor.

Looking back, he says he feels pride in the rallies and protests that started in his village and spread across the nation. But that was a long time ago. Today, he says, “we are tired of Eta and talking about Eta. Even the victims are tired. They want to close this chapter. But we can’t close it just like that.”

History matters, he says. It always does. “What is history today becomes social reality a generation from now,” he says. “And, what’s more, the victims have a right to the truth.”

Tobias Buck is the FT’s Madrid bureau chief

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Pontevedra Pensees: 28.1.17

Apart from the first paragraph, this post is all about Trump. One reason is that my Mac charger - the 4th in 5 years – is bust and I’m having to type on the British keyboard of my daughter’s Mac Air. The smaller keyboard and the typing ‘mistakes’ born of my use of a Spanish keyboard are driving me nuts . . .

I have to say I admire my younger daughter’s consistency – not only does she leave every light in the house on during the days she’s in the place but also when she’s away for 2 days. But I’m not so admiring, of course, when she does it at my house.

The estimable Caitlin Moran has this to say about Donald Trump, echoing one of my comments of last week:- However much we laugh at his hair, lies, unhappy-looking marriage and insane tie-wearing aesthetic, “The” Donald has the nuclear codes, so ultimately every joke will eventually blow back and irradiate us, come The Reckoning. As regards said tie-wearing aesthetic, she has this advice for him: — MATE! IT’S OVER A METRE LONG AND FLAPPING AROUND YOUR NADS! NO ONE WEARS A TIE LIKE THIS! BECAUSE THEY’VE ALL READ FREUD FOR TODDLERS! DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND STOP BEING A WALKING METAPHOR FOR PENILE INSECURITY!

My friend, Dwight, tagged Trump a textbook Narcissist – not merely a narcissist – long before he became president and before this perception became almost universal. Here’s an article that Dwight has just sent me on this. Even if you weren’t frightened before you read this, you'll be terrified after.

Here’s what’s psychologically wrong with Donald Trump: Karen Wehrstein

With all the talk of Donald Trump’s mental health status, I’ve decided to do something I’ve put off for a while: write a diary that shows he is a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and spell out what that means in terms of what to expect from him and how to deal with it.  Certainly the term “narcissist” is being applied to him a lot, but most people don’t know the entirety of what that means, psychologically.

I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but for personal reasons I have educated myself about NPD.  It generally conceals itself and is little understood—but has a devastating effect on the lives of others close to the narcissist or to organizations he is involved with.  Knowing NPD creates a coherent picture that explains Trump’s behaviors. That will help you not only understand Trump, but enable you to spot people with NPD who want to enter your life, organization, etc., so that you can act accordingly. This is an educational moment in history.  It is very rare that the symptoms of NPD are on such massive public display.

If you find yourself completely baffled by Trump’s behavior, that’s because mentally-healthy people generally find NPD-rooted behaviors incomprehensible.  The narcissist violates social norms that healthy people hold instinctively and therefore assume (usually correctly) that others hold—while at the same time he creates a semblance of normalcy, because being able to do so is part of the disorder.  Because the rest of us cannot relate to, often cannot even imagine how a narcissist thinks and feels, it seems outside the realm of plausibility, and so his semblance of normalcy will fool us.  Not only Trump voters but fellow Republicans and even Putin have shown signs of buyer’s remorse with Trump.  That’s because he fooled them all.  Narcissists can do that.

So, since he’s a textbook case, let’s hit the textbook.  The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) – the American Psychiatric Association’s guidebook for mental health diagnosis – gives diagnostic criteria for all mental illnesses.  Between the fourth and fifth editions, the criteria for NPD changed, so I am going to use both to paint a fuller picture.  If you’ve been following the presidential news for the last few months, you’ll likely be able to think of at least one and probably several examples of Trump demonstrating every single diagnostic criterion below.

From DSM-IV:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him
9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes

From DSM-5
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.
b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others’ experiences, and predominance of a need for personal gain
B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain:
1.      Antagonism, characterized by:
a.      Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others; condescending toward others.
b.      Attention seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
President Obama and others who have observed that Trump’s behaviors arise from an underlying insecurity are right, as per DSM-5 criterion A.1.a. above.  Kossacks and others have figured out that the way to get under his skin is to is to point out how unpopular he is, because that works on narcissists.  In fact any criticism does, because narcissists can’t handle criticism at all, cannot help but take it personally, as per DSM-5 criteria A.1. a & b both.

How else does this translate into behaviors?

Let’s start with the persona narcissists create.  Because they lack empathy, they have to learn how to appear normal, which they do by rote-learning expressions and mannerisms from normal people around them.  In fact, they are good at being charming; they learn what people want to hear and say it without regard to whether it is true.  Because they are without moral qualms, they can come across as decisive, which normal people interpret as confident, and spontaneous, which normal people interpret as authentic.  This is how Trump played the crowds at his rallies.  None of it, however, is sincere; it is only for personal gain.  There is no such thing as loyalty from narcissists; loyalty arises from the social norm of reciprocity, which is based on empathy, which they don’t have.

Next: falsehood.  Honesty is also a social norm based on empathy, so narcissists feel no need to hold themselves to it.  Falsehood serves two functions: 1) manipulating people into furthering the narcissist’s aims (e.g. making promises he never intends to keep); 2) maintaining his own delusion of superiority, e.g. insisting he is liked more than he is, or rebutting good arguments with false ones.  The media is debating whether Trump’s tales of a record-breaking inauguration audience and 3-5 million illegal votes are lying or delusion.  Knowing what I do of NPD, I would say it’s delusion.  Trump will cling to it and keep it in the news even at the risk of damaging his own credibility, because it engages his central, very strong motivation, and he lacks the empathy to see how it will damage his credibility.

Because narcissists are so insecure at heart they can be control freaks, and the male of the species in particular can be authoritarian.  Hence, executive orders that are likely unconstitutional as well as absurd.  In a “love” relationship (because narcissists lack empathy, which is central to love), he can seek to dictate every aspect of his partner’s life, including that she conform to his standard of beauty.  Thus he feels free to wander into the dressing room of a teen beauty pageant to “inspect the goods,” and you’ll see a certain uniformity among the Trump women in style of dress and even length of hair.  I think he is likely giving them strict orders.

At the same time, there will be impulsiveness, moodiness and disorganized thinking. A narcissist is really a six-year-old in a grown-up body, lacking reason and ruled by emotion; recall Melania Trump’s comment that she had to look after two boys, one being Barron, the other, Donald.  People have suspected Trump’s reversals and word-salads could indicate ADHD, but these are indicators of NPD, too.

In his exploitiveness, the narcissist violates social norms concerning appropriate boundaries, whether those boundaries are codified in conflict-of-interest prohibitions, investment loan contracts, business contracts, sexual assault laws or what-have-you.  The narcissist basically feels that rules are for him to set, not obey.  This includes even the rules of logic, such as “base your decisions on facts.”

Projection characterizes how narcissists describe people who oppose them. They will “project their own negative introject,” in Freudian terms, i.e. ascribe their own wrongdoing and faults to other people, whether it be criminality (“crooked Hillary”), lying or a rigged election.  I have come to assume that whatever Trump accuses someone else of doing, he is doing or has done himself.

Competitiveness and envy result from others apparently outdoing the narcissist, e.g. President Obama drawing large inauguration crowds.  He, and everything he’s touting, has to be the biggest, the best, the huuuugest.

Rage and vindictiveness result from the narcissist’s wishes being thwarted which, of course, life does fairly often, quite naturally.  It is a primal rage, like a child’s; hence Trump’s angry style of speaking and noted obsession with getting even.

One reason the golden shower story went so viral; Americans have come to know Trump well enough to see it is plausible.  Rage translates into hate, which can manifest as racism, sexism, and homophobia.

So how to deal with a narcissist?  To put it very bluntly: don’t.

There really is nothing to do with these people but to disassociate with them.  They bring nothing but harm and suffering.

However, if you are stuck with one, there are ways to handle it:
1)      Avoid being disillusioned: have very low expectations.  Here are things never to expect from a narcissist: honesty, loyalty, reciprocity, change due to the gravity of a position, reasonableness in negotiation, learning through experience, maturation, adaptability, courage, ability to handle adversity, aspiration to genuine excellence, genuine altruism, humility, guilt or shame for wrongdoing, equanimity, sincere gratitude, sincere appreciation, sincere praise, admission that he is wrong, returned favours or improvement of the condition.  In Trump’s case, you can’t even expect normal laughter or a smile that goes up to his eyes.  Prognosis is poor because narcissists think all problems are caused by other people and so generally don’t seek treatment.  Many people, even ones as smart as President Obama, expected Trump to settle down some once he was president.  I knew he wouldn’t.  He actually is not capable of doing so.
2)      Do not normalize.  Healthy people have a tendency to give the benefit of the doubt, in part because they simply can’t believe a narcissist is the way he is.  It is standard operating procedure for him to use that to gaslight you; normalizing is gaslighting yourself.  Recognize and accept that he is the way he is, that it’s due to mental illness and that he will not change.  This is what the mainstream media most needs to learn about Trump.
3)      If you are trying to figure out why he would do something, ask yourself, “How might it be motivated by a need to feel significant or important?”  Discount all other motivations.  Your questions will be answered.
4)      Keep interactions distant.  Don’t depend on a narcissist for anything; never make yourself vulnerable to a narcissist.  Don’t loan him money or do work for him without 100% payment upfront.
5)      Expect those around him to be damaged.  They are either brain-washed into being extensions of him, parroting his thoughts, or faking same for personal gain, or bewildered by the madness.  Expect chaos in any organization he leads: good people will resign in disgust or be fired, while marginal people ascend to powerful positions.
6)      Do not attempt to reason with or educate him.  It doesn’t happen.
7)      Manipulate him by using his disorder.  Flattery will get you everywhere; convince him that your idea was his brilliant one and he’ll run with it.  Trump’s campaign staff learned to do this.  But if you’re too honest for that:
8)      Get rid of him as fast as possible.  How?
a.      Stop giving him what he so desperately needs.  Once a narcissist realizes someone is no longer a source of approval, admiration and adoration, he’ll be off like a shot looking for the next sucker.
b.      Expose him.  Narcissists also tend to flee when they realize people are onto them.  I am actually expecting Trump to flame out fairly soon, perhaps within weeks, because he is revealing that his condition makes him unable to deal with losing the popular vote, drawing a small inaugural audience, being mocked by SNL or greeted with protests wherever he goes.  The media are beginning to talk openly about his mental illness; how will he handle that?

The central thing to understand about narcissists is that their need for “narcissistic supply” – feelings of being significant, important and adored – overrides all other considerations, including empathy and all the human norms that arise from it, because their delusion is to equate narcissistic supply with survival—same as a drowning victim might drown their rescuer.  Some narcissists, having flashes of realism as some of them sometimes do, have described narcissistic supply as a far stronger addiction than heroin.

It’s a throwback to the helplessness of early childhood, where not being considered important and lovable by parents is a genuine threat to survival.  Thus a narcissist is always trying to soothe an all-encompassing internal terror, and no amount of narcissistic supply can ever soothe it entirely.  This is the inner hell in which Donald Trump lives, and which he now has the ability to externalize onto the United States of America and the world.

I go with the flame-out expectation/fervent hope.

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addicted to the future

I’m Eric Kiel, and I am a hacker at heart. I love to learn about all sorts of technology whether it be the latest smart phone down to the RFID tags that are attached to the razor blades you buy. As for my real job, I am a Sr Systems Engineer at Dell EMC. Data protection, integrity and accessibility is some of my favorite technology. What good is your data if it breaks, contaminated or locked in a box? I obsess over things when they break and often have the best ideas when I break something or I’m in the shower (whichever happens first). The views on this site are my own and do not reflect my employer. My boring page is at @

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  1. I haven't got the DEMO, but thanks for the idea, I might download it and give it a try. Cheers Matt
  2. Hey ppl, I've got a GForce 4 MX 420 and I know its not 8.1 direct X compatible, but is there any options I can turn off to stop these blue screens from coming up? Cheers any help will be appreciated Matt

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Yotsuba&! Volume 9

Yotsuba&! volume 9

This series by Kiyohiko Azuma, the continuing adventures of a young green-haired girl who is almost supernaturally innocent, provides a take on daily life that serves as a terrific getaway from the reader’s cares.

The first chapter of Yotsuba&! volume 9, which took an unexpected twist, worked as a surprise for me because of how well it’s all drawn. Unusual occurrences are somewhat run-of-the-mill for Yotsuba, anyway, so when something odd started happening, I rode with it until the page turn. Later, seeing the poor little girl, with tears in her eyes, demanding her dad say he’s sorry was both touching and hilarious. Her behavior is so realistic that I believe her and her actions, which makes the reading all the more enjoyable.

The big event in this book is Yotsuba gaining a new friend, an old-fashioned jointed teddy bear she names Juralumin. Which pointed out the biggest lack in this series for me. I really wanted some cultural/ translator endnotes for this volume to explain the meaning and origin of this name. Without them, I kept getting distracted wondering where that odd moniker came from. Small mentions, like the name of a famous large supermarket, are footnoted in the page gutters. It’s very nice not to have to flip back and forth in the book, but there’s limited space and no room for longer explanations.

Yotsuba&! volume 9

There’s plenty of cuteness to go around this volume, as Yotsuba introduces Juralumin to making coffee and riding in a little red wagon and going to a restaurant for grilled meat. There’s nothing like seeing a girl and her favorite stuffed friend, especially when the games only make sense to her. Yotsuba’s eyes are a key indicator of her moods, flaring when she’s angry or frustrated or amazed or afraid.

The gorgeously detailed drawings are the perfect escape, showing exactly what it’s like to go shopping or wander the neighborhood or bounce on an exercise ball (a high point in the animated action). Late in the book, the gang goes to view hot air balloons, a terrific excuse for scenery and visual display. Reading a volume of Yotsuba&! is always a great reminder to slow down and enjoy the experiences around us.

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Tag Archives: best week ever

Last of The Great Pretenders Tour, or still the best week ever part 3.

5 Jan

After the awesomeness that was Maroon5 and Adam giving me a guitar, I thought the week wouldn’t get any better. Yeah, I was wrong. Guess it was Joslyn appreciation week?

The following morning it was back down south for another Matt show in Los Angeles. Yeah, all of California was seeing a lot of me. (If you don’t remember I had driven to Sacramento, Reno, San Diego, back to Sacramento, Mountain View & now LA and Oakland…)

I had a free hotel voucher that was expiring in a few weeks, so I decided to use it that evening. I LOVE staying at hotels alone. It’s like a mini getaway. Is that weird, or does anyone else enjoy solo hotel stays?

After checking in and dropping off my stuff, Heather and I headed to the venue. I waited in line and she napped in my car until after doors opened, haha.

While in line, I met up with my friends Lois and Astin. We watched a crazy homeless man with no legs ride around on a bike for awhile. Only in LA…

We were let in and it was back to being bored by Joshua Radin. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.

Then Matt came to play, and he got super excited that Astin and I were standing next to each other. He’s got a love for both of us, and he nerded out. It was cute.

After the show we hung out for a bit, but then I decided I needed a good night sleep because it was back to NorCal the following morning. Ugh. Driving. So much.

I made sure to stay north of LA so I wouldn’t get stuck in any lingering morning traffic. The drive to Oakland was pretty smooth, and I got there with plenty of time to spare.

I had joked to Matt on Twitter that it was my last show (for awhile) and that Adam gave me a guitar, so the LEAST he could do was play my song. I’m annoying. He replied that “I may have to play it for you in some post show-you rule hang. I keep putting it on the set list but it doesn’t fit.”

Um…why does it not fit? I laughed at the tweet and then went, “Yeah right” and headed to get in line. I ran into Jane and Carrie, and we were making small talk about the last few shows. I mentioned my song not being played, and Matt’s tweet, and we all laughed it off. Jane was in San Diego and was stoked that All Been Said Before was on the set list too, before it was skipped over.

Then, I sent another joke tweet that there were only 3 of us out front and that Matt should play the song for me right then. I have no shame. I pretty much tweet that man whatever I’m thinking. And I probably tweet him TOO much, hence him knowing my Twitter handle off the top of his head…

Um…so then 10 minutes later a guy that I know through Matt that works for Vanguard (Matt’s record label), Ayappa, came out and was all, “Oh hey Joslyn. How have your shows been? Want to join us for sound check?” and I was like UM GREAT, UH YEAH. And then I turned to the girls because they were coming along with me and said, “You’re welcome.” This was totally Nathanson’s doing.

We walked in, and Matt gave me this grin like, “Oh HI. La de da.” Sound check was awesome. They played a few songs including Last Days of Summer in San Francisco for the first time (“We’ve never played this for humans. Tell us if we should play this tonight.”) and afterwards Matt came offstage to chat for awhile.

Back in July he had fought me who I was going to see on tour after I realized m5 and him had CA dates on the same day, and I kinda rubbed it in his face. “I’m not at Maroon5 right now.” “Wait, where are they?” “Irvine. So I could have totally stayed down there since we were in LA last night.” “But you’re here…YES.” Told you, bitch. 😉

Matt went to say hi to his family really quick, but told us to stay where we were. Josh started his sound check at this point, so Matt took us into this stairwell type thing and told us to sit. “I’m just gonna grab a guitar” he said. Then he came back…and played my song.

Uhhhh…wait, what was happening? I sat there and listened, trying not to smile like an idiot (which failed). I can’t believe that he would do that for me. I felt spoiled, and lucky, and forever grateful. I sat back and took it all in…this was a huge week.  My heart was so full from the love I gave towards my bands, that I received right back.

After Matt put back the guitar, (“This is Aaron’s guitar, don’t tell!”) we talked for a bit more before we headed back to get in line.
“What other shows are you going to?” he asked. I like how he just assumes I was going to other shows when this was the last one in California…he knows me well because…I was. Ha.
“I’m going to Baltimore and Philly.”
“Oh, good! Anywhere else?” (HAHA. He knows me super well.)
“Well, I want to go to Minneapolis, but it’s sold out…”
“Dude, if there’s anything I can do for you let me know.” Love.

So we went back out to join the line and I’m pretty sure I just looked at the girls and went, “WHAT. WAS. THAT. I could cry right now.” (I didn’t.)

I contemplated keeping that moment to myself. My little secret. But then I wanted to share with everyone just how fucking amazing Matt is…that he’d take time out to play a song when his family was waiting for him. He didn’t have to do it. But he did. Again, forever grateful. He is the best. BEST!

We were let inside and while the show was awesome (hometown shows always are) I’m pretty sure I could have just went home happy after sound check. I just LOVE him. The best.

The following morning I had to work, and seeing as I drove 3,000 miles in a week and a half I was exhausted. But the memories of the best week ever kept me going. Still awesome to think back on to this day.


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Fridge composition

My grandma sent the rainbow card after A & C died. It didn’t say much, just how sorry she was about everything and about not being able to be with me. I don’t think she knows the term “rainbow baby”, but I’m sure she knows that good things can come even after terrible times.

10 thoughts on “Fridge composition

  1. It is a great piece of art you’ve got there, so poignant. I’m so glad your grandmother chose that car. Did you just happen to have a strawberry magnet?

  2. I love the strawberry baby term. Just read about the spotting you had earlier. I had spotting with each of my pregnancies. It worried me so much but in the end it always stopped. Is it better?

  3. That ultrasound picture really does resemble a strawberry! Also looks like a heart. What a perfect card from your grandmother. I always think the world works in such mysterious ways when things tie together like that.

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Thursday, December 7, 2017

Winter Season

It's not getting any better as we approach the third month anniversary of the Category Four Hurricane that came ashore near here, Spanish Main Boulevard on Cudjoe Key. This is the view when I come or go from my home at the southern end of Spanish Main. My wife keeps a running tally of the new appliances and furniture and large amorphous lumps of garbage that are being added surreptiously to the Hurricane Irma wreckage that lines our subdivisions.
I took Rusty for a walk on Sugarloaf Key on Tuesday and struggled to find a clear spot to park my car before we set off on foot.
 Ramrod Key has a pick up spot that empties and fills as garbage is shuffled around. Currently it looks fairly empty in this photo I took from my car as I paused alongside the highway.
The post office on Summerland Key has re-opened though it looks rather forlorn frankly. This is their temporary sales area:
Key West looks pretty much a sit always has, and this was the sole picture I got for the holiday parade because I had to go to work before it got underway. There's no garbage piled up in tourist land.
I walked past the former Secretary of State's office on Simonton Street. Peter Anderson who made the Conch Republic into a profitable state of mind is long since dead, and his office has been transformed into a consignment store which seems ironically representative of the state itself. The Conch Republic paraphernalia is still available online.
Christmas is coming and as a premature gift we are promised a cold front this weekend. Some people think we may see overnight lows in the mid 50s. I'm sceptical not least because I haven't seen temperatures below 60 degrees (15 Canadian) in a decade at least.
Perusing one of the Keys related Facebook sites I found this picture of the Australian pine on the old seven mile bridge getting decorated. Very cool.
 I saw some Christmas lights winking ona  pile of roadside garbage on Sugarloaf Key on my way to work. That made me smile.


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Archive for May, 2013

May 29, 2013

We won: Herefordshire’s campaign against the severing of museum funding

Herefordshire County Council had originally proposed ‘a 75% cut to the county’s library service and a 100% cut to the museum service‘. Then the services and the community organised.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 27, 2013

free archaeology: austerity Britain – museum workers and entire workforces are replaced with volunteers

The reduction of the City of York Council’s archaeology officer to a part-time worker and the threat of redundancies for its conservation officers prompted shovel-bum to (rightly) complain that ‘members of the field are pointlessly arguing about where Richard 3 should be buried, far more important archaeological concerns are being overshadowed.’

They may not be overshadowed much longer. The Shadow Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, Harriet Harman, has highlighted taxpayers’ essential yet ‘invisible’ support for production of and access to culture; and it is becomingly increasingly visible increasingly quickly, as austerity drives professionals and entire institutions to the wall.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 26, 2013

Lebanon: police sting on Syrian antiquities smuggler-dealers

Following up on their investigation into the Syrian-Lebanese antiquities-for-arms trade, an undercover Sunday Times reporter and a special security unit within the Lebanese immigration police conducted a sting on a Syrian antiquities smuggler; subsequent police raids captured four other suspects. Brilliantly, having posed as buyers to elicit information from dealers, they went back and posed as dealers to elicit offers of illicit antiquities from the dealers’ source smugglers.

May 25, 2013

free archaeology in Turkey: the archaeology graduate without a future

Freakishly coincidentally, the day after Emily Johnson (@ejarchaeology) began the discussion on free archaeology (unpaid labour in cultural heritage management) in Britain, Radikal‘s Ömer Erbil (@omererbil) published an article on free archaeology in Turkey, and his commenters highlighted the persistent precarity of the (least un)lucky few employed cultural heritage workers. Young archaeologists have rebelled [genç arkeologlar ayaklandı] or, at least, protested against their exploitation…

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 21, 2013

Have you done free archaeology (or irrelevant labour) on workfare? Do you know someone who has? Out the ’employers’!

As I explained before, there is a long-running, cross-party effort to consolidate and normalise unpaid labour, in which the cultural heritage sector is both victimised and (more or less naively or cynically) complicit. The coincidences of and clashes between “unpaid voluntary work” and “workfare” (work-for-welfare) highlight the realities of both cultural heritage work and workfare.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 18, 2013

Syria: antiquities-for-arms trade – Sky News interview

Yesterday, Sky News invited me to give a live television interview (at lunchtime today) on the illicit trade in Syrian antiquities, which was nice but a bit daunting, as I’m inarticulate at the best of times and even worse around strangers or in public. In the end, they got someone from the World Monuments Fund (WMF) to take part in a piece on the trade in (and market for) conflict antiquities from Syria – how they’re traded, who they’re bought by, etc. (so it should be good and you might catch it now or in a repeat later today).

Still, to refresh my dangerously poor memory, I’d gone back over my posts on the funding of regime and rebels through looting and smuggling, the Syrian-Lebanese antiquities-for-arms trade, and the “men with gunsin the antiquities-for-arms trade, and summarised what (I think) we know so far; and this is it.

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May 17, 2013

free archaeology: institutionalised exploitation in the museum sector

Following on from my post on the precarisation of cultural heritage work, I want to look in detail at what seems like institutionalised exploitation of unpaid interns at the Victoria and Albert Museum (and another unnamed museum); and to highlight resources, movements and opportunities for positive social change.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 16, 2013

free archaeology: precarisation, privatisation, austerity and workfare in the Big Society

Thought and practice regarding the voluntary worker wage exemption appear to be closely connected with much larger efforts at privatisation, workfare and the breaking of the British social contract. Much like its subject, this has been cut in half; but it’s still tldr.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

May 15, 2013

Syria: ‘Men With Guns’ in the antiquities-for-arms trade

This is just a note on the “Free Syrian Army” (or Free Syrian Armies, or Men With Guns) and the discussion of which armed groups were involved in the Syrian-Lebanese antiquities-for-arms trade.

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May 15, 2013

free archaeology: drawing the line between work experience and work; identifying structural disadvantage and exclusion

Before I begin, I want to make clear that I am not using these case studies as examples of worst practice (though they are not all examples of best practice), or even as examples of consciously exploitative practice. I know people who have worked at all three of these museums (and indeed at the cultural heritage organisations that will appear in a far less flattering light tomorrow), so this is not an attempt to condemn these institutions’ staff.

This is an attempt to draw out the differences between volunteering, voluntary work, work experience and internship in practice; and to highlight the ways that museums’ policies on and programmes of volunteering and voluntary work can reinforce or create disadvantage and exclusion. Hopefully, then, it will be easier to identify widespread and/or persistent exploitation, and structural threats to the cultural heritage profession and its work.

[Now cross-posted on (un)free archaeology.]

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Congratulations on taking this courageous step. This is an invitation to slow down and give yourself permission to simply observe all the feelings within yourself.

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Parenthood is a transformational journey and it can also leave you feeling lost and depleted. It’s all too easy to lose your connection with your most essential source of wisdom: your own intuition. You find yourself attending to whomever seems to have the most compelling needs and, in the process, often risk losing track of your partner, other family members...and yourself.

1 in 5 people are highly sensitive. Highly Sensitive People have natural gifts that we all admire and respect: Abundant creativity. Complex, nuanced thinking. Deep empathy for others. Just to name a few. Are you ready to better understand what exactly it means to be highly sensitive and how to share those gifts with the world?

Combine the core elements of a two night/three day spa retreat experience with the goal of nurturing your receptivity to powerful insights about your day to day relationship struggles, explorations about the patterns that lie underneath and a deep awareness to return home with of where of your blockages take hold and how you can reshape your relational patterns, together, .