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December 25, 2011

Santa's Little Green Balls

Every year on Jeff's birthday (I think some of you refer to this day as "Christmas"), I make him whatever cake he wants. For a few years, it was always cheesecake, but a couple years ago I made him a Key Lime cake. This year, he requested that cake again.

This cake, although called a key lime cake, doesn't actually call for any key limes, using regular limes instead. So, being somewhat of a lime purist (but who isn't?), I decided to step it up a notch and use real key limes.

This turned out to be a Very Bad Idea.

In case you aren't familiar with key limes, they are much smaller than their standard equivalent. They are little spheres, walnut-sized or smaller. They are perfect for, say, garnishing a margarita, but, as it turns out, not ideal for my purposes today.

This particular cake has a lime-sugar syrup that you pour on the cake. This step calls for a half cup of lime juice, which I was planning to squeeze by hand, requiring me to slice each lime in half. And, being that these little balls of joy are round, they roll. So, yes, I also sliced my finger.

It wasn't stitches-worthy, but had to be dealt with, and of course happened when Jeff was in the shower, and Jelly was "helping" me, which at that moment consisted of making handprints in the flour on the counter. She refused to leave the kitchen, so I had to carry her out with my non-bleeding hand, while still maintaining constant pressure on my finger, and holding it above my heart for good measure.

Bandage applied, I looked forward to the opportunity to get a lot of citrus juice in the cut, and returned to slicing the little green balls. When I thought I had enough limes, I started juicing what I now refer to as Satan's testicles.

I quickly learned that each little green nugget of joy gives out about one teaspoon of juice. I needed half a cup. I asked Siri and she told me that there are TWENTY FOUR teaspoons in a half cup. After juicing about twelve limes, I couldn't take it any more, and went out to pick a few regular limes off our tree and finish the job.

Hey, at least I didn't resort to juice from a bottle.

(I'm totally doing that next time.)

Limes juiced, syrup made, and cake in the oven, I embarked on the cream cheese frosting: cream cheese, margarine, powdered sugar, and one third of a cup of lime zest. Wait, what? How the hell am I supposed to zest these little f-ing limes, especially now that half of them are already juiced and squashed?

Do you know how many key limes it takes to get a third of a cup of zest? Neither do I.

I did my best, got as much zest as I could, which turned out to be plenty because this recipe makes about a gallon of frosting, about a third of which I used.

Also, it does not take a genius to predict that I zested my knuckle.

In the end, the cake was delicious. And now I have a bag of unused key limes. Margaritas, anyone?

December 21, 2011

Domestic Drift

One time we lost the remote. I'm not talking about the slipped behind the couch cushions kind of lost, this thing was gone. At least until I remembered that Moe had been playing with the remote, and that I had taken a bag of clothes I had been sorting back to Moe's room. Sure enough, the remote was in the bag in Moe's closet.

This phenomenon of household items finding their way around the house is called "domestic drift." In our house, this is more like Household Hurricane, specifically Hurricane Moe, who has a tendency to run into a room, pick up a toy (or more likely some small piece of a toy) and run away with it. Usually, he drops it somewhere where it is easily spotted, but sometimes things become well and truly lost.

This drives me crazy. I cannot stand things like missing puzzle pieces, and always try to make sure I have every piece before cleaning up a toy. But inevitably, something will be missing.

The best thing to do is generally just wait and the piece will turn up eventually. But sometimes you get a brand new toy that has three penguins and then one day later you only have two penguins and you really just want to find the blue penguin because you know it is somewhere in the house and most of the doors have been closed all day so where the f*@# could it be? And other times, you bring out the cool Hanukkah toys, which had all of their pieces, but in two days have lost two candles and one flame.

It will be a miracle if I still have all these pieces after 8 days.
I just spent the last 15 minutes looking for above items. As I looked, I found a remarkable number of bits and pieces of things hidden in various bins and buckets, so I spent the time just walking back and forth from room to room replacing things as I went. Pieces of toy food went back to the play kitchen, magnets in Moe's room, train tracks in Jelly's, Legos back to Moe's room, etc. It was remarkably satisfying.

But still no penguin.

Update: I have located the penguin! It was in the fish tank. I am not making this up.

December 16, 2011

Occupy My House

We are the One Percent.

The One in One Hundred.

We are not rich, and we are not privileged. Not in a way the 99% understand, anyway.

We are the families of children with autism.

Most of the time, you may not notice us. Our kids' disabilities are often invisible. They look just like any other kid. Maybe even a little like your kid.

But you might not notice us for other reasons too.

You might not see us at the park, because we are afraid that our children will run away, that even one second of distraction could end in tragedy.

You might not see us at a restaurant, because our kids might not be able to sit still for a whole meal or eat very few things.

You might not see us at play dates because our kids don't know how to interact appropriately with other kids, or may get overwhelmed at new places.

You might not see us at school because we're on the other side, in the special education pick up line.

You might not see us at the grocery store because our kids can be overwhelmed by all the lights and sounds, or don't understand how to stay close to us even though they are too big to fit in the cart.

You might not see us at the mall because it is hard to change the diaper of a four year old in a public restroom.

source unknown
You might not see us with our spouses at nice restaurants or movie theaters because it is hard to find a babysitter we trust to keep our kids safe.

If you do notice us, it is probably because our kids are doing something you don't understand.

He might be giggling for no apparent reason, or bouncing in his chair. She might be flapping her arms or having a temper tantrum. He may not look at you when he speaks. She may not speak at all.

And sometimes we are so tired, because our kids often have trouble sleeping, or we lie awake at night worrying about their futures, that we don't have the energy to go anywhere.

Sometimes the one percent recognize each other when we are out, but despite our rising numbers we are still few and far between.

We love our kids, just like the 99% do. We are proud of them, and believe in them. We fight for their right to have a safe, accepting place in this world. But the world is a scary place for us one percent.

And so often we stay at home and surround ourselves with what we need to get by.

The right foods. The right toys (even if they aren't "age-appropriate"). A fenced-in backyard. Extra locks on the door. A long twitter feed where we can connect with the rest of the one percent.

And connect we do. So though it may be easy for the 99% to forget we are here, just try crossing one of us. Or telling us our kids can't do something. Or denying them an education. Or respect.

Try it and you will hear the voices of the one percent come together from around the world. We are loud and unafraid. We stand by each other. We help each other by telling our stories and sharing in the joy and sorrows.

We occupy our homes.

We are the one percent.

Update: The latest statistics show autism rates at closer to 1 in 88, higher for boys.

I don't actually know the number of families with autistic children, so the numbers are probably a little different. Approximately one in one hundred and ten children are diagnosed with autism, but many families have more than one child diagnosed. So I'm approximating. And of course, there are many other types of special needs families who experience some of the same challenges and isolation. Also, the above are just examples. Every child with autism is different, and I'm not intending to represent everyone.

December 14, 2011

Writing Our Story

Today I'm over at Hopeful Parents, where I contribute on the 14th of every month. Come over and read about how writing a novel has made it so much harder to keep on blogging!

And if you feel so inclined, please leave a comment over there!

December 4, 2011

Sensory Battles

November was a good month.

Jeff took a week off while he was in between jobs. Then he started his new job, which is right down the street and around the corner from Moe's school. No more commute! It helped make taking our house off the market for a while feel like the right thing.

The kids were healthy and, for the most part, sleeping well. The massive schedule upheaval after the time change had finally worn off. There were some ups and downs with the extra days off during the month but things were pretty stable.

The month ended with a visit from my parents and a pretty successful Thanksgiving holiday.

Oh how I miss November.

Because December sucks.

Moe and Jelly both got colds and have had trouble sleeping. Moe is stuffed up and his sensory needs have gone through the roof. Starting at school on Friday and continuing through the weekend, he has been grabbing, biting and pulling with very little warning. Our dog Berkeley has gotten the brunt of it.

In fact, Moe has decided that it is so rewarding to pull on the dog and grab her fur, her tail, or her paws, that he has been actively going after her. Moe has hurt Berkeley several times, and she can't figure out to just stay away from him. Maybe we need to add doggie Stockholm syndrome to her long list of issues.

Jeff and I have been on edge all weekend, trying to keep Moe and the dog separated. We've tried calming activities and energy busting activities, and they all work for a bit, but then the sensory monster comes back. We can't quite figure out what is causing it. Is he tired? Upset about something? Processing something? About to make an amazing developmental leap? (Wouldn't that be great?)

This afternoon got so bad that after Moe's bath (which was supposed to help him fulfill some of his sensory needs but ended up riling him up more), Jeff couldn't even get Moe's clothes back on him. Moe was laughing, kicking, and pulling. He was physically unable to keep still. And he's laughing the whole time, which we understand is also not in his control, but makes it quite frustrating for us. Jeff put Moe in his bed and closed the bed tent to help him calm down. When we went to check on him a few minutes later, he had taken off his pull-up and peed all over the bed.

Fun. Times.

I know Moe can't be happy like this, although he doesn't seem too upset about it. He was manic and out of control and it scares me. Berkeley has been tolerant, but she is a dog and could bite (though she never has). And what if he hurts Jelly? Moe is only four, and so I always have to go down the "how will I handle this when he's bigger?" path until Jeff yanks me back and reminds me to take it one day at a time. Which I find absolutely impossible to do. With Moe, behaviors tend to come and go and we rarely understand why.

And poor little Jelly has to witness all of this stress and yelling and frustration. She takes it in stride, but she notices. Today I saw her push the dog out of the way, and although she got an immediate time-out, I felt awfully hypocritical because I'm sure I pushed the dog out of the way a hundred times today.

This is the worst I've seen Moe in a long time, and it has lasted longer than I remember something like this lasting before. We gave him melatonin tonight and he fell asleep quickly. I hope that he sleeps through and that a good night's sleep will help him regulate tomorrow. I hope he doesn't hurt anyone at school tomorrow. I hope that December improves.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

December 1, 2011

What's Next?

I participated in NaNoWriMo this year for a few reasons. These reasons may include one or all of the following:

  1. I am crazy.
  2. At 38 years old, I still don't feel like I've found my "calling" and I wanted to see if writing could be it.
  3. I've always wanted to write a novel and it was time to try it.
  4. The voices in my head made me do it.
Now that I've completed it, I've been thinking about what is next. First, the book is in no way ready to publish or even consider giving it to anyone in publishing, in a publishing-related field, or who might walk close by an office building that houses a publisher. Although the book is a complete story, it probably requires about another 50,000 words to add things like character back stories and secondary story arcs. So right now, I need to decide if this is a story I want to work with.

If so, there is a lot of work to do. That work includes editing the many extraneous words I used, because during NaNoWriMo, if something can be said in two words that you said in four, you should probably try to add a few more words.

If not, the first little bits of other stories are starting to percolate in my head. I've signed up for a fiction writing class to stay motivated. The class focuses on short stories and chapter writing, and may be a good way to re-write some of my current novel or help shape some ideas for another one. I haven't taken a creative writing class since high school English! You do not need to try to figure out how long ago that was.

And of course, I will continue blogging. And when I'm ready to hit publish, I just hit the "publish" button. Like now...

This post inspired by the prompt "What's Next?" at Kick in the Blog.

November 29, 2011

One. Big. Update.

Hello, blog. I've missed you.
Hello, readers. Anybody still out there?

Rather than write a bunch of posts over the next week catching everybody up on what has been happening over the last few weeks, I'm going to update you all on everything here in one big update. I'll try to be brief, but since my month has been all about words, words and more words, it won't be easy.

I wrote a 50,000 word novel this month. And now I have a pretty crappy novel (but a still, a novel!) and an updated "Winner!" badge over there on the left. The novel is called Usually Sometimes Never.

Novel writing has become such an ingrained part of my days over the last month, that I can no longer guarantee the accuracy of anything I write here. The line between fiction and reality has officially blurred. At least until I find my truth glasses. (Ooh - truth glasses. Now that's something I could put in a novel!)
Thanksgiving at my BFF's house went better than expected. Moe ate a lot of food, which kept him occupied and let us all eat. Jelly ate only ice cream, but she enjoyed drinking water out of my crystal glass. We still had to follow Moe around the house when we weren't eating, but I guess we Jeff is getting used to that. Also, Jelly pooped on the rug.
All of Moe's genetic tests came back normal. While that's Good News, it is still somehow unsatisfying.
The dog threw up in the back of my car yesterday.
I had a flat tire over the weekend. There was a nail in the tire. This is the second time this has happened. I suspect my neighbor. (Not really, but again, would be a cool character.)
When I put Jelly in the car after preschool yesterday, she said "no weapons!" I can only assume this was her political commentary on the use of pepper spray by police on Occupy protesters.
We went to an awesome concert on Sunday called the Kizuna Family Concert. Professional musicians performed classical music for kids with special needs and their families. Moe and Jelly loved it.

Why, yes that is my child. Sitting. Like, in a chair.
Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving holiday. It's good to be back.

November 18, 2011

Awkward School Photos

So there are these autism bloggers. You've probably heard of them. Their names are Dani G and Lynn. I like these bloggers a lot, even though they probably wonder why I'm never on twitter anymore and hardly ever comment on their blogs. (Or maybe they don't wonder at all. *Sniff*)

So these girls are doing a blog hop and I've reached my NaNoWriMo word count for the day (see: above).

You're supposed to post an old-school photo of yourself. I thought I didn't have any of these, so I might get out of this. But I found some.

And here they are.

Let's see. Pre-80s new wave haircut, front teeth still enormous and not yet broken, ears are pierced. I'm guessing fourth or fifth grade.

I think this is my high school senior photo. I was young for my class, still 16. The braces were supposed to have been off by then. Thankfully, they were removed before I went off to college. I have no idea why I'm squinting with one eye.

And now I'm going to go all Jedi mind trick on you and make you forget the above pictures by reminding you of this one:

More tulips!
And Lynn, the rest are for you.

Old castle. Now with more ivy!

I'll take what's behind door number 1!

Why yes, my mom would like more mai tai.

November 17, 2011

Will Power

The other day, someone posted this picture on Facebook:

photo credit unknown
I had a lot of thoughts about this. Like first of all, there is no way getting that body is simple. If it were, we'd all look like that, and we wouldn't marvel at this woman. I'd also hazard a guess that this woman (and her photoshop expert) worked very hard on this and that she wouldn't consider her daily exercise routine "simple."

But this is not a post about body image or exercise. It is about will power.

For a little over a year now, Jeff has been going to they gym three days a week. He has worked very hard, but the most important thing is that he goes. Every week, no excuses. If he has to miss a day, he makes it up. And guess what? He looks good. He has muscles and everything. Now he's doing CrossFit and I get tired just listening to his description of the workout of the day. It's not like Jeff was always a super fit, athletic guy.  But he decided this was important and so he made it happen.

I bitch and moan about not having time to go to the gym, and yes, it is easier to a certain degree for Jeff because of his work schedule. But the truth is he gets up in the 5:00 hour to be able to work out and get home to take Moe to school. That was our deal (since otherwise I'd have to get both kids ready and to school in the morning). He made the time, even if it is a time I'd rather not be awake. And I could do that too, if that's what I chose to do.

I recently heard an interview on NPR with John Tierney, who wrote a book called Willpower. (You can listen to the story here.) I do not generally have a lot of will power. If there are cookies in front of me, I will eat them. But Tierney writes that will power is something that can be trained.
Willpower really is like a muscle. It gets fatigued as you use it during the day. But over time, you can increase your stamina through regular exercise. Simple exercises like forcing yourself to sit up straight, or using your left hand for something that you ordinarily use your right hand for - those have been shown in experiments to improve self-control for all kinds of other tasks in your life.
So if you are trying to lose weight or exercise more, and find you just aren't sticking to it, you can try something easier for a while to build up your will power. You can also fatigue your will power. And I'd guess that like your physical muscles, if you stop working out your will power, it will get soft and mushy and you might have to start working on it again.

This month, I've been writing a novel for NaNoWriMo. I've never written this much on a consistent basis. But I want to finish and so I'm doing it. Even on days that I would rather just sit and watch Grey's Anatomy, I write a minimum of 1,667 words. I haven't gone beyond that many days, but I've hit my goal every day except one. And I made up those words the very next day.

I can only remember one other time when I really stuck to something like this, and that was when I was pregnant and had to be on a restricted diet for gestational diabetes. I was really bummed about having to do this, but I did not want to have to go on insulin shots, so I did it. And I know it worked because I had the blood tests four times a day to prove it. And it wasn't really all that hard.

The nice thing about both of those was the constant feedback that I was on track. Every day I update my word count on the NaNo website, and I can see a progress bar going across the screen. How thrilling it was to get past the half way mark! It helps that writing is something that I enjoy. But in both these cases, it may also help that there is an end date. When I was pregnant with Moe, I could say "I only have to do this for fourteen weeks." For NaNo, I know it's all done on November 30.

But what a waste that would be, to spend a month working on my will power muscle to just let it atrophy again. Maybe I'll actually start going to the gym.

For real this time.

*Okay, I have no idea if this was photoshopped or not. Most pictures like this are to a certain degree (i.e. strategic shadows, etc.)

November 11, 2011

Problem Solving

I don't often talk to much about Moe's strengths on this blog, and for that I'm sorry. It's not that I don't think he has any, but they do often get hidden under the behaviors, sensory needs, and language delays. They're also not the things I'm processing in my own mind, so they're not quite as therapeutic or interesting for me to write about.

Except when those strengths become problems. No, not problems exactly, at least not for him. Moe, for example is a pretty good problem solver, especially when there is something he wants. He is also quite a good climber (hypotonia be damned!). Even before he could walk, Moe figured out how to push the foot stool to his crib so he could get higher.

Moe likes the iPad but he is not allowed to use it unsupervised. If you're unsure why, you may remember the demise of my phone. So I keep it, and other things out of his reach. One of my favorite landing places for all things electronic (as well as DVDs, remotes, and random pieces of junk) is on the mantel over the fireplace.

So today, I came into the living room to find Moe sitting on the couch, playing with the iPad. And then I saw this.

I promise you that is not where I keep the rocking crocodile. It's all about motivation, right?

November 9, 2011

Expecting Adam

Do not tell me that God chose me to parent Moe. I don't believe there is a supply of babies hanging around, and when one is to be born, God picks just the right one for us.

Jeff and I mixed our genes and out came Moe, perfect and flawed, with beautiful blue eyes and curly hair and autism.

Do not tell me that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. If I were weaker, does that mean Moe would not have autism?

You rise to the occasion. You just do. I love Moe so I have no choice but to parent him the best I can. I assure you, it isn't always pretty.

Do not tell me that I have been blessed by autism. I do not consider autism a blessing. Moe himself is a blessing, in as much as I believe in that word. He is my son and I love him unconditionally. But does the fact that he has autism make him more of a blessing than my other, neuro-typical child?

Moe and Jelly are my children, completely different, but equally blessed, equally loved, both testing and teaching me every day.

Every so often, Moe will do something so appropriate, that I can't help but think he's going to be just fine. Maybe Moe isn't even autistic, perhaps just severely speech delayed. Someday all of this will be behind us.

Moe is going to continue to grow and develop and learn how to cope in this world. But he he will always have autism, be autistic. I still can't quite let go of my dreams of Moe's future. In my head, he's an architect. Maybe he still will be. But maybe not. I don't know. But those are my dreams, not his. They are irrelevant.

Have I found acceptance, peace with where we are in life? Have I stopped asking "why me, why him?"

But I'm working on it.

This post was inspired by the book Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck. I was given a copy of this book as part of From Left to Write. Read other posts inspired by Expecting Adam on Thursday, November 10, at From Left to Write.

November 6, 2011

There Has to be a Better Way

I have never met another kid like Moe. "You've met one child with autism..." and all that. But seriously, I've never met, read, or heard about another kid who is quite like Moe. And maybe that is because I don't often write about what it is like at our house when Moe is at home.

Unless he's sleeping, Moe does not stay still. Almost ever. The boy is in constant motion, and because he doesn't really play with toys, this means he is always getting into trouble. We try to make our house as Moe-friendly as possible, child-proofing the doors to rooms we'd rather he didn't go into unsupervised: our bedroom (in which he has cracked a lamp and torn the snooze off my alarm clock), the office (which now, once again, has a fish tank in it), and the bathroom. But Moe climbs kitchen counters, his shelves, his dresser, behind the TV. He'll climb his bed and go on top of the bed tent, laying on it like a hammock. He's already bent two of the poles.

Did I mention that he broke his crib tent by climbing on top of it? It inverted and when I tried to fix it, I broke the poles. So technically, I guess I broke it. Either way, I had to buy another one, and those cost less than half of what the bed tents cost.

Occasionally, Moe will stop and read books or flip through magazines but even then he's making a mess, pulling all the books out of the shelves, crumpling the magazine pages or tearing them up. As far as I can tell, he's not destructive on purpose, just not neat or careful in any way. And he's a sensory seeker, so it's fun.

I love to spend time in the back yard, but even that requires constant supervision, as Moe puts everything in his mouth. Ideally, I prep the backyard before we go out, making sure Berkeley's dog run is closed and latched and that all fruit that has fallen from the trees has been picked up lest Moe put a rotting or half squirrel-eaten orange in his mouth. But no place is truly safe for him. You remember the time he ate a snail, right?

When we're out of the house, Moe just wants to run. He loves to run free, but doesn't have the instinct to stay close (or stay out of the street, or other people's picnics), so either Jeff or I has to follow him around. If we're at a busy place, like the farmer's market, or I'm by myself, I have to keep the kids in the stroller. Moe is generally pretty happy there, but he doesn't get much exercise nor does the experience help him expend some of this excess energy. We try walking with Moe, holding his hand, but he'll drop to the ground over and over. It's frustrating for all of us.

It's the same when we visit other people's houses. As soon as we arrive, Moe wants to explore, and by "explore" I mean find the nearest bathroom and splash his hands in the toilet, or eat some crayons, or take food off the table. Honestly, I'm envious of people whose kids are obsessed with dinosaurs, or bugs, or Thomas, or, frankly, anything. I'd love to have something in my back pocket I could let Moe obsess about for an hour or three if needed. Even the iPad or TV won't keep him still.

It is worst on the weekends, when Moe doesn't have the structure of school for most of the day. Part of the problem is that I think Moe is bored. I am able to occupy Moe's attention for very brief intervals of activity, usually just a couple minutes, sometimes up to 15 if he's interested and I'm working very hard. But I have another kid who is also very demanding, a dog, a novel, a blog, and a husband, and even if I neglect most of those things, I still can't devote constant attention to Moe for over 12 hours a day. I want to. But I just can't.

So we end up frustrated and yelling a lot, which makes me sad. I don't want my relationship with my son to be based around me telling him what he can't do. Stop climbing. Get out of there. Put that down. Not for mouth. Be careful. Repeat.

If your kid is like Moe, what do you do? How do you manage your time at home and when you're out? And, if your kid is older, has it gotten better? Or has your child just gotten bigger?

November 3, 2011

Theodora: Actress, Empress, Whore

It is not often that I get to use the word "whore" on my blog. It is hard to imagine another situation in which I will do so. But today I'm reviewing the book, Theodora: Actress, Empress, Whore: A Novel, by Stella Duffy. (My book club will also be quite smitten with the fact that there are two colons in the title.)

Imagine the story of a young girl, born to an animal trainer, living a modest but comfortable life. When her father is killed by one of his bears, she is reduced to living just off the street, sold into a life of stage acting and prostitution. She is good at both jobs, performs for many wealthy and influential men, and quickly becomes well-known in the fashionable city. But this girl is also smart and quick-witted, and although her mouth can get her into trouble, she learns a lot about human nature, and rises well above her natural born station, finding God and power along the way.

Sounds like the typical American rags to riches Hollywood movie, but this is no Pretty Woman. This is the story of Theodora, Byzantine empress and wife of Justinian I. Duffy's novel is entertaining and made me want to learn more about this time and Theodora's fascinating life. I'm sure I could go to the library for that, but seems that HBO has optioned the rights to Theodora. Although a series may not be historically accurate, I'm sure it will be wildly entertaining.

This was a paid review for BlogHer Book Club. All opinions expressed are my own. Be sure to head over to BlogHer for some discussions on Theodora and look for the #BHBC and #Theodora hashtags on Twitter!

October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween from my little sweeties!

Moe's school has a Halloween parade every year. I got a lot of really cute pictures of Jelly.
She loves this costume so much she cries
every time we take it off of her.
But Moe is much harder to capture on film.

Anybody want a peanut m&m?
And here is Moe marching in his school's Halloween parade! I was so proud of him. Although you'll notice he isn't exactly facing forward. All the special ed teachers had their tie dye on.

And tonight...our first attempt at trick or treating! Wish us luck :)

October 29, 2011

NaNoWriMo is Almost Here!

November is just a weekend and one candy filled day away. For me, that means three days to finish outlining, character sketching, and possibly sleeping, because November 1 is NaNoWriMo Day 1!

You see, November is National Novel Writing Month. I signed up for the challenge: 30 days, 50,000 words. That's 1,667 words a day for those of you attempting to do the math in your heads right now. Don't worry if you couldn't. We're writers here, not mathematicians.

At the end, I'll have my first novel and quite possibly a bad case of carpel tunnel. The novel may not be any good, but that's okay. NaNo emphasizes quantity over quality. Editing is for December, as they say.

So, if I don't write here as often as I usually do, you'll know why. And if you forget, just look at that badge over there on the left.

October 27, 2011

Things I Have Done

Last week, I wrote about 22 things I've never done. This week is the follow up to that.

I'm 38 and I have:

1. Eaten gyros in Greece, gelato in Italy and Fiduea in Barcelona.

2. Taken a 6 week bus tour across the U.S.

3. Been to Hawaii. Not on the bus tour.

4. Broken my two front teeth.

5. Been on a hot air balloon.

6. Been a camp counselor.

7. Celebrated my 30th birthday at French Laundry.

8. Tried out for a game show.

9. Starred in a TV commercial.

10. Had my picture taken with Jeff Garten (Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten's wife).

11. Broken up with someone on a plane.

12. Painted every room in my house except the kitchen.

13. Had a recurring dream that involved me being tossed in a salad.

14. Had two imaginary friends.

15. Owned a parakeet named Lucy.

16. Been on a gondola ride in Venice.

17. Been on a gondola ride in Las Vegas.

18. Met Bill Gates (twice).

Peter DaSilva for The New York Times
19. Taken a mud bath.

20. Buried my little brother.

21. Gotten out of a speeding ticket.

22. Lived a pretty good life so far.

This post written for Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop.

October 26, 2011

For Better or Worse

For better or for worse.

I said it.

I meant it.

It's easy when things are better.

It's hard when they're worse.

My parents have been married almost 43 years. I have been married 6.

It is a short time but we've had to face a lot. I won't lie and say things are perfect. But they are good.

But every marriage has a breaking point. Even mine. Even yours.

Will it be the day to day annoyances that break you down until you just can't stand each other? Will it be the stress of having a special needs child, or maybe just children at all? Will it be infidelity? Financial stress? Simply growing in different directions? Abuse?

We haven't hit ours. I hope we never will.

But every marriage has a breaking point.

What's yours?

This post was inspired by Lost Edens, by Jamie Patterson. Struggling to save her marriage, she attempts to mold herself into the wife her husband wants her to be. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of this book for review. You can read other members' posts inspired by Lost Edens on book club day, October 27, at From Left to Write.

October 25, 2011

My iPad is Not Magic

The internet has been abuzz (or, more appropriately, atwitter) with discussion of the 60 Minutes piece called "Apps for Autism" (watch the video here). Indeed I got many calls from people reminding me to watch the show, which I appreciated because I had forgotten to set it to record earlier that week. I was excited to see it and maybe learn some about some new apps I hadn't known about.

I enjoyed the piece, but I wasn't blown away. As someone who is pretty tech-savvy and who has been following the iPad as a communication tool for some time, the piece didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. And I had some issues with the content as well.

Let's talk about Josh, the 27 year old who was shown using the iPad to communicate quite adeptly, including answering interview questions and ordering food at a restaurant. I admit I did tear up a bit at the thought that my Moe may someday have a voice, even in electronic form. However, text to speech devices have existed for some time. Even without one, Josh was clearly able to use picture icons to communicate, yet they showed him spelling out words on a piece of paper for the interview. As Dana over at Uncommon Sense said, "Are we to believe that for 26 years, Josh has used only a (poorly) laminated paper keyboard, and then one day he got an iPad and it changed everything?"

And what about the little girl they were teaching to count? First they show her in front of a piece of paper with the numbers 1 and 2 printed on it. Big surprise! She wasn't interested. Would you be? Then they show her an iPad and numbers go scrolling by. The numbers got so much higher than 2! And that girl watched those numbers. But I didn't actually see anyone teaching her to count in either scenario. Yes, attention is a first step to learning, but nothing about that clip showed how a teacher or parent might use the iPad to teach someone with learning difficulties to count.

I did appreciate the teacher who said the iPad isn't for everybody. Moe doesn't yet have the attention, or the language skills, to use an iPad. He likes it - but he mostly likes to bang on it, which is why I got him a drumming app. He likes to push the home button (would somebody please make a way to lock it from inside an app?), which just takes him out of the app I'm trying to teach him to use. We've been practicing with the free version of a communication app called Sono Flex Lite, but I think the iPad may be simply too exciting for him. We have better luck with paper icons and velcro.

We have had some success with receptive language skills with apps like Sound Touch, and the apps (shown in the piece). Like the boy who loves opera, Moe seems to be able to identify more items than you would think. Moe has challenges not just with forming speech, but with all language and communication, and so just giving him another way to communicate is not the same as teaching him how to communicate.

Don't get me wrong. I think the iPad is incredible. It is expensive (and the Proloquo2Go communication app costs another $189.99), but it is much cheaper than, say, an $8,000 Dynavox. The iPad is small and portable and easy to navigate. And, perhaps most importantly, it is cool; there is no stigma in carrying around an iPad. So yes, for some people, and I'd imagine especially for people who have some experience with some of the clunkier alternate forms of communication, the device is life-changing.

But it isn't magic. There are a number of reasons for communication difficulties, and not all of them are solved by the iPad. And despite the message sent by the 60 Minutes piece, all autistic kids aren't born knowing how to use one. They need to be taught to use it, shown how it can help them, and for some it really does. For others, like Moe, it is just one more useful tool in our growing collection.

October 24, 2011

Searching for Answers

When Moe was first diagnosed, our developmental pediatrician, Dr S, ordered some blood tests to look for genetic abnormalities. Moe had had a rough appointment already, and was ready to go, so we didn't want to do the tests that day. We asked Dr S if the tests did find anything, would our approach to intervention be any different. She said no, so we decided to wait. Eventually the order expired and we never had the tests done.

Last year, as part of one of the research studies at Stanford, Moe had to get a blood test. It ended up not being that big of a deal, so I thought about calling Dr S to re-order the tests. Finally, last week, I sent her an email. I also asked her if she thought an MRI could be helpful. She said the MRI isn't indicated, but ordered the genetic tests.

I'm not sure why I want these tests done now, over two years later, but I've been feeling quite frustrated with Moe's very slow, and not necessarily steady, progress. Every autism book I read, even the ones without the miraculous "my child no longer has autism" endings, show children who make pretty significant progress. Even though I can see small changes in him, Moe's deficits in the major areas of speech, attention, and impulsiveness, seem not very different (or perhaps even more severe simply because Moe is bigger) than when we first started.

So this weekend, we took Moe to the lab and had the blood tests done. Moe hated it and cried quite pathetically the whole time. Jeff took him in while Jelly and I stayed in the waiting room. We could hear him and Jelly kept saying "Moe's crying. Let's go help him." I knew he wasn't in pain. He just hates being restrained in any way. Moe barely flinches at shots, but can't stand when I try to cut his fingernails. When Jeff and Moe were finished, Jeff confirmed my suspicion. Moe was quite upset before the needle even made an appearance.

And now we wait for the results. I'm more anxious than I thought I'd be, though I suspect we won't find anything unusual. If we do, we'll have the answers as to "why" and we may have a better understanding of his likely progress. And even if the results don't change how we approach Moe's interventions now, new research is coming out all the time. Many parents have long suspected that there are a number of autism sub-types, and being able to classify each child's particular type of autism may help direct - and develop - the most helpful therapies in the future.

October 20, 2011

Things I've Never Done

I'm thirty-eight years old.

And I've never:

1. Been fired

2. Ridden on a motorcycle

3. Gone skydiving

4.Watched a puppy being born

5. Worked as a waitress (see #1, above)

6. Eaten a McRib sandwich

7. Seen Gone With the Wind

8. Worn false eyelashes

9. Run a half-marathon

10. Been on the cover of Rolling Stone

11. Cooked a live lobster

12. Gotten in a fist fight

13. Dreamed in Spanish

14. Hosted my own radio show

15. Officiated at a wedding

16. Written a novel

17. Set a world record

18. Been to me (Charlene fans out there? Anyone?)

19. Sat in the front row at a Depeche Mode concert

20. Learned to play Bridge

21. Pierced my nose

22. Owned a cat

This post inspired by the prompt "list 22 things you've never done," from Mama's Losin' It as borrowed from The Pioneer Woman.

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September 29, 2015

Whitewashing vs Neurodiversity? It doesn't have to be a choice.

With Steven Silberman's book NeuroTribes, and Amy Lutz's  recent article, "Please Stop Whitewashing Autism," the autism self-advocate vs. parent community fights seem to be picking up steam again. I don't plan to participate this time around.

But I have been wondering about something new. Science has shown that there are not one, but many genes likely to cause autism (Dozens of Genes Associated with Autism in New Research). It seems as if the science is beginning to suggest that there is no single autism, or even a single autism spectrum. There are many sub-types, and as we learn more about the brain and the genetics, we may find that many of the people we classify as "autistic" may actually have a different disorder. In other words, Steve Silberman and Moe may have nothing in common at all.

And when that happens, what will happen to all those self-advocates who claimed they were there for my son too? What happens when it turns out that they don't actually know any more than anyone else about what's going on in my child's brain?

For the record, I'm not against the self-advocate community. Their message is powerful and vital: "nothing about us without us." Stop infantilizing the disabled. People with disabilities must have a say in their own care. Independence. Dignity.

We must absolutely all rally around these tenets.

But we must also recognize that it's not always that easy. Moe can't tell me he has a headache, let alone advocate for his housing rights. At least not yet. And as long as medication is the only way we've found to keep him from hurting himself and others, we will make the choice to use that medication for him. Yes, we listen to his communication in every form, but his message isn't always clear.

Do I think autism is being whitewashed? I don't know. Maybe sometimes. I certainly don't believe that autism is a gift for Moe, nor that his brain just works a little differently. He is severely disabled. But his experience is no more or less valid than anyone else's.

Let's all share our stories. Let's learn from each other, help each other out when we can, and when we can't, get out of the way.

September 22, 2015

To be Inscribed

I've been having a hard time with religion lately. I should say that I've never been especially religious. Raised Jewish, I've never kept kosher, or attended temple much beyond the occasional bar mitzvah. But I have always felt a connection to being Jewish and to the community. Some of my happiest memories are around the Passover seder table or breaking the Yom Kippur fast.

The Book of Life

Last week was Rosh Hashanah and tonight is the beginning of Yom Kippur. These two "high holy" days are bookends to the week where God opens the book of life and inscribes in it. These are days of reflection and this powerful prayer, the Unetaneh Tokef, is at the heart of it:
On Rosh Hashanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed.
How many will pass and how many will be created?
Who will live and who will die?
Who in their time, and who not their time?
Who by fire and who by water?
Who by sword and who by beast?
Who by hunger and who by thirst?
Who by earthquake and who by drowning?
Who by strangling and who by stoning?
Who will rest and who will wander?
Who will be safe and who will be torn?
Who will be calm and who will be tormented?
Who will become poor and who will get rich?
Who will be made humble and who will be raised up?
But teshuvah and tefillah and tzedakah (return and prayer and righteous acts)
deflect the evil of the decree
"Who by fire and who by water?" As I write about this, the third most destructive fire in CA history is burning. Did God write that an entire town should be destroyed?

"Who in their time, and who not in their time?" And did God write that my brother who was, by the way, probably the most righteous of any of us, should die of a brain tumor at age 25?

"Who will be calm and who will be tormented?" And did God write that my son should struggle so much? That he should spend his childhood injuring himself?

This is not a God I want to believe in.

If you ever want to know why Jewish guilt exists, look at that last line. If you die, or are poor, or get hit by an earthquake, it's probably because you didn't pray hard enough or weren't a good enough person.

And here is the messed up part — despite my anger, despite every logical inkling, sometimes I still think that maybe this year I should try a little harder to believe. That maybe if I pray a little harder, if I'm better, then maybe Moe will be inscribed in the place where he can rest, and be safe, and be calm.

September 8, 2015

An Open Book

My hands are looking pretty beat up these days, covered in scratches and scabs. My wrists too. Moe is having a rough time.

When things are really bad, he bangs his head on the floor, the table, or any hard surface he can find. And Jeff and I (or our incredible nanny who pretty much deserves hazard pay by now) spend a lot of time trying to keep him safe. And we get a little scratched up in the process.

I suspect he started off not feeling well, maybe with a sore throat. Then he started banging his head, leading to headaches, leading to more frustration and head banging. Moe doesn't like it when we don't let him hurt himself, so he scratches.

And now my hands look like this. It's minor in the scheme of things. Whatever Moe is feeling to make him want to hurt himself and lash out at us, is worse. I know that.

But it poses a bit of a dilemma for me. I work full time, and I don't hide the fact that my son is autistic. For one thing, I probably wouldn't have my current job if I hadn't started blogging about Moe. I had taken six years off before going back to work so when I started interviewing many of my writing samples were from this blog. So anyone who interviewed me knew at least some of this story.

Most of my co-workers know as well. It's easier to have it be out there. I was nervous about that at first. It's hard enough being a working mom, let alone one with a special needs child. But it makes some things easier to explain, and you never know when you'll find a connection with someone with a similar story.

Besides, as a blogger (read: oversharer), it would be more uncomfortable for me to hide this side of my life. So for the most part, I'm open about Moe. I work with kind and intelligent people who don't try to sell me on the latest fad cures, so I like it when they ask questions. They actually listen. So, when a co-worker notices the bandaids on my wrist and jokingly asks "tough weekend?" I don't make up an excuse about a cat or scratches from the garden. Yes, it was a tough weekend.

But bringing the really hard stuff to such a visible place, not just on this blog but literally on my hands, can be difficult. Work is my escape from life with autism. I don't want those emotions at work and these scratches are a reminder of the hardest part of my life, watching Moe struggle. Worrying about his future. Getting beat up by my own kid. And I don't want that part, the worst part, to be how Moe is represented to the world.

So let me show you the sweet side of Moe too. The one where he snuggles up to me and we hold hands, if only for a minute. And his eyes, such a bright blue when he smiles. A smile that is all too rare these days but that we don't stop fighting for every single day.

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Map of Kansas Literature [graphic] dot Return to Kansas City
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Casey Pycior Kansas Map; Kansas City, Shawnee, Wichita
Melissa Fite Johson

Casey Pycior

The Spoils book cover

Casey Pycior was born and raised in Kansas City (on the Kansas side—it matters), and he earned his MA in Literature from the University of Missouri-Kansas City, his MFA in fiction writing at Wichita State University, and his PhD in Creative Writing at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. He was awarded the 2015 Charles Johnson Fiction Prize at Crab Orchard Review, and his work has also appeared in Beloit Fiction Journal, Midwestern Gothic, Harpur Palate, BULL, Wigleaf, Yalobusha Review, and The MacGuffin, among many other places. His debut short story collection, The Spoils, is forthcoming from Switchgrass Books in March, 2017. He lives in Lincoln, Nebraska with his wife and son.

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Samples of other publications:

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Writing Samples

From The Spoils: Stories

Wild Bill is getting married tomorrow, so in this afternoon’s show everyone hits their marks, trying to prove they can fill Wild Bill’s boots. Fourth of July is easily the biggest weekend of the season for Old Town Abilene’s “Gunfight on Main Street.” We’d heard that Bill—the guy’s name who plays Wild Bill is actually Bill, I’m not making this up—was going to handpick one of us to fill in. Wild Bill is the only set part in the show; the rest of us rotate between the other roles. Bill’s a history professor at Wesleyan over in Salina, and he’s been playing Wild Bill for years. It’s not some summertime hobby for him; he takes it seriously, and all of us know this.

As Cowboy 3, I look like an extra right out of an episode of Gunsmoke, with dusty dungarees and boots, a denim Western-style shirt and red bandana. I’m leaning against the split-pine porch rail of the dry goods store, which doubles as the Old Town gift shop before and after the show. Across the wide dirt lane, Cowboy 5 hitches an old deaf horse to the rail in front of the false Post Office, Villains 1 and 2 hang around the horse stable, and several pairs of women in long, rough-cut dresses and off-white bonnets crisscross the lane. The set is modeled after the real 1870s Main Street in Abilene (two of the structures are even authentic): low-slung buildings with second-story false fronts, wooden porches, hitching posts, and even water troughs, like the stylized versions we recognize from TV shows and movies.
Unlike in the theater, where the stage lights keep us from seeing the audience, here, under the never-ending Kansas sky, they are right in front of us, corralled by a split-rail fence in front of the Bull’s Head Saloon in the middle of Main Street. When I’m playing one of the lesser roles, like Cowboy 3, I like to watch them watch the show. The most faithful are probably old folks, those bused in on day trips from retirement homes in Topeka, Manhattan, and Salina, and those of the over-the-road America bus tours that stop to see the Eisenhower Library, which is conveniently just across the street. I’d venture to guess that most of the rest are either on their way to Kansas City or Denver, and we’re just a kind of pit stop, a place to get lunch and stretch their legs, and Well look at that, an Old West show, and it starts in twenty minutes . . .

The video, shot from only a few rows up, comes in just at the end of my instructions, which sound garbled through the cheap PA. The camera work is shaky, jerking from the backs of people’s heads to the water-stained drop ceiling and then to the large bingo board on the wall, before finally settling on the ring in the center of the room. For the next four minutes, everything is as steady and in focus as the primitive cell phone camera will allow.
You might think you’re watching some kind of underground “fight club,” but it’s a professional boxing match, fully sanctioned by the state of Kansas. And you probably don’t notice me, but I’m there, right in the middle of the ring. It was my 137th bout, and after that many, you get a feeling about certain fighters. There’s something that you can’t see from anywhere but inside the ring. It’s in the eyes, and I know it when I see it, and I saw itthat night in the eyes of Manuel Cardenza. It’s an unsettling coldness that you can’t shake, not unlike, I imagine, looking into the eyes of a predator in the wild.

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- The Washington Times - Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Internal Revenue Service paid up to $13.6 billion in bogus claims for the Earned Income Tax Credit last year and as much as $132.6 billion over the past decade, according to an internal audit that already has some members of Congress questioning how the agency will be able to administer Obamacare.

IRS problems with the tax credit aren’t new. In fact, the Treasury inspector general for tax administration said it warned officials about the problems in 2011 — but two years later, the agency still hasn’t solved the situation and remains in violation of one of President Obama’s executive orders.

Indeed, the IRS has not established annual targets for reducing the payments, which is required by law, nor is the agency complying with requirements that it report to auditors each quarter on any EITC payments totaling more than $5,000.

“The IRS should be commended for implementing numerous processes to educate Americans and identify and prevent improper EITC payments,” said J. Russell George, Treasury inspector general for tax administration. “Unfortunately, it is still distributing more than $11 billion in improper EITC payments each year, and that is disturbing.”

Mr. George and his investigators said 21 percent to 25 percent of all EITC payments in 2012 were erroneous, meaning $11.6 billion to $13.6 billion was paid to people who shouldn’t have received the credit, or received the wrong amount.

The EITC is a refundable tax credit designed to transfer money to the working poor through the tax system. It allows the working poor to pay less in taxes or, if they have no tax liability, to get money.

Both the IRS and the auditors agreed it is a complex program and checking eligibility is difficult.

The program is popular with many lawmakers on both sides of the aisle who say it’s an effective anti-poverty tool, rewarding those who work.

But the large error rate left some lawmakers questioning whether the agency will be able to administer the tens of billions of dollars in health care tax credits that are part of the Affordable Care Act.

“That the IRS can’t figure out how to rein in the improper Earned Income Tax Credit payments doesn’t bode well for the $1.1 trillion in ObamaCare subsidies,” said Sen. Orrin G. Hatch of Utah, the ranking Republican on the Senate Finance Committee.

He said if the error rate in Obamacare subsidies is as big as it is in the EITC, that could mean $250 billion would be wasted in health care payments.

The size of the erroneous payments was staggering to lawmakers. At more than $13 billion a year, the bogus tax claims are more than the entire budget of the Environmental Protection Agency or the Interior or Labor departments.

“The waste outlined in this report — more than $13 billion a year — equals or exceeds the annual budgets of some federal agencies,” said Sen. Tom Coburn, Oklahoma Republican and Congress‘ chief waste-watcher. “Before we ask taxpayers to send even more of their own money to Washington, we must do more to prevent these egregious examples of waste.”

The IRS said it does try to crack down on bad EITC payments. Americans who claim the tax credit are already audited at twice the rate of other taxpayers.

“The IRS protects nearly $4 billion in improper claims each year and is committed to continuing to work to reduce improper claims,” the agency said in a statement.

The agency said it’s working with the White House budget office to try to come up with other ways to weed out bad payments, and promised to soon comply with reporting requirements.

And it’s already shown some progress in cutting the problem. In 2010, as much as 29 percent of EITC payments were erroneous, accounting for up to $18.4 billion.

Analysts said the large error rate stems from the complexity of the program, which leaves taxpayers confused about who is able to claim it.

Then there are the competing goals Congress and Mr. Obama have set.

For example, in a 2009 executive order the president told agencies to do more to make sure Americans know they are eligible for tax credits. But he also told agencies to crack down on bogus payments, laying out the reporting goals that the inspector general said the IRS is violating.

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- The Washington Times - Wednesday, February 12, 2014

It’s nearly Valentine’s Day again. Girls and boys, children and teenagers, men and women of various sizes, colors and ages, parade sentiments about what they wish, think, enjoy, reflect or remember about this crazy thing called love.

It’s a day named after a saint who lost his head, a strange if iconic symbol for falling in love. Cupid with his bow and arrow pierces hearts with hope, mixes memory with desire, aggression with passivity, pleasure with pain.

Name your cliche, and you can capture the moment that suits you. Democrats can even love Republicans, and conservatives can fall for liberals. It’s a day for fantasy.

In real life, as opposed to fairy tales, heroes do not capture heroines to ride off into the sunset of marriage to live happily ever after. How you see love and sex today may depend on where you live and what you do for a living. Politics can be more eloquent than poetics.

The French, who are credited with inventing the rules of l’amour, surprise us with their blase indifference to President Francois Hollande’s unceremonious dumping of Valierie Trierweiler, his titular if synthetic first lady.

On election night, he declared that she was “the love of my life,” but the light soon shorted out. When he began to secretly visit actress Julie Gayet, his first lady became a flawed “second” and checked herself into a hospital with “un coup de blues.”

Washington’s sympathy extended to the lady until her estranged partner arrived at the White House state dinner as the coveted single man. Place cards can be easily rearranged when the “significant other” becomes insignificant. C’est la vie.

Our own first ladies are not so easily dismissed. When Hillary Clinton lived in the White House, she despised her husband’s behavior with Monica Lewinsky, but she was too ambitious for suicide, politically speaking. Instead, she capitalized on misfortune.

In a new book, “HRC” by Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes, we learn that she wrote a sympathy note to Gen. David H. Petraeus, when he was forced to retire after a bedtime misadventure became public. “I have a little experience,” she said, looking from the other side of an adultery scandal. He remains a good and useful friend.

The French, long practiced in such matters, can stay above fraying affairs of the heart, but politics in America is of a rougher sort. Sen. Rand Paul, weary of hearing Republicans accused of waging war on women, made an effective pre-emptive strike against Candidate Hillary with a reminder that her “first man,” if she returns to the White House as president, would have new opportunities as a “sexual predator.”

This might be a little over the top, but no more than the accusation that Republicans are “anti-woman” because they think the Little Sisters of the Poor shouldn’t be forced by Obamacare to pay for the lady’s birth-control devices.

Mr. Paul not only reminds voters that President Clinton was impeached for lying about Miss Lewinsky, but recalled that Bubba paid Paula Jones, an Arkansas state employee, $800,000 to avoid a date in court.

“If [Democrats] want to take a position on women’s rights, by all means do,” Mr. Paul told a C-SPAN interviewer. “But you can’t do it and take it from a guy who was using his position of authority to take advantage of young women in the workplace.”

Feminists were once furious at Hillary for standing by her man, but she calculated that it was in her interest to do it. Politics makes estranged bedfellows.

Double standards abound in matters of sex and love. When the curtain was lifted on private behavior in the public culture, the “culture industry,” whether reflecting life or fantasizing about it, recognized fewer taboos than when boomers first rocked ‘n’ rolled.

Now there’s a fuzzy line between prurience and pornography, self-love and loving another, between being edgy and falling off the edge.

We once laughed at the Hollywood movie code, which required one participant in a horizontal love scene to keep one foot firmly on the floor. Pretzel positions produced lots of slapstick humor.

Today, the movie “Her” reduces a “love affair” to a man and a sexy voice in his laptop. This is not such a far-fetched scenario. Some millennials crave the passion of an Internet commitment without sex. Technology redecorates the romantic landscape.

In rebellion against loveless “hookups,” some cautious college students seek sexless “soul mate” commitments. Estrangement can happen online, too.

When cyber-intimacy bytes the dust, a lover’s quest hits a dead end, courtship disconnects, and mating is again at the mercy of a heartless search engine. Dare we ask: “What is this link called love?”

Suzanne Fields is a columnist for The Washington Times and is nationally syndicated.

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The Watch Hut is an established retailer of renowned Luxury & Classic Watches. Please visit our sister company The Watch Hut for a great choice of branded watches.
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By providing a telephone number and/or email address, you give Watson Realty Corp express permission to call or email you, even if your phone number is on a state or national "Do Not Call" list.

International Relocation

The main purpose of our International Services program, whether for Inpat, Expat or Repat, is to facilitate a smooth, cost effective transition beneficial to both the Corporation and the Employee and his his/her family. We will provide the following services:
  • Translators in the native language of the transferee or their families
  • Orientation to restaurants, newspapers, grocery stores, cultural activities from their country of origin
  • Social security card assistance
  • Banking assistance for transfer of funds
  • Driver's license
  • Purchase or rental of furniture, cars, etc.
  • Education for children when language is a barrier through public or private schools
  • Connection when possible with a family with the same country of origin
  • Associate assignment from our International contacts
  • Team of multi-lingual, trained associates
  • Assistance in home purchase or home rental customs
  • General orientation to the United States with a concentration on areas of specific concern to the transferee or their family
  • A contact for the transferee before, during, and after their relocation is complete
International Relocation Package

Our relocation package contains information and resources on many topics - from neighborhoods to schools, health care to attractions - all designed to help you learn more about the area. To request your copy, click here

Disclosure: The services are customized on a case by case basis as recommended by the employer and the Watson Relocation International Consultant. (additional fees apply for International relocation services)


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News Sections
Washington County Under State Of Emergency Due To Flooding
Updated May 19, 2017 9:07 PM
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(WASHINGTON CO) - According to the Washington County Sheriff's Office, Washington County is under a state of emergency due to flooding after Friday's storms.

There are a large number of water rescues in progress at this time.
Several local roads are closed, including State Road 56 going into Salem.

Indiana State Police have been called in to help with the county's efforts.

Remember never to drive through a flooded road.

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DOC: Prisoner shot trying to escape Elayn Hunt

3 years 2 weeks 5 days ago Friday, October 03 2014 Oct 3, 2014 October 03, 2014 10:53 PM October 03, 2014 in News
Source: WBRZ
By: Russell Jones

ST. GABRIEL - Department of Corrections officials said officers from Elayn Hunt Correctional Center shot a man convicted of attempted murder who tried to escape Friday afternoon.

A DOC spokesperson said officers shot and injured Troy Watson, 22, after Watson fled from a work crew he was assigned to.

The spokesperson said around 1 p.m. Watson tried to escape and was chased by two armed officers who normally accompany line crews. The officers said they ordered Watson to stop several times before firing warning shots, but he ignored their commands. That's when the spokesperson said the officers shot Watson to prevent his escape, hitting him in the torso.

"At that point in time, per departmental policy, they were authorized to use lethal force in order to prevent the escape from happening," said Pam Laborde, Communications Director for The DOC.

The DOC said Watson was taken to the correctional center's infirmary for treatment. He was later taken to a local hospital for further evaluation. He has since been returned to Elayn Hunt with minor injuries to recover.

Watson is serving a 34-year sentence for attempted second degree murder, according to the DOC. He was not scheduled for release until 2043. Five years ago at age 17, Watson shot someone over a cell phone.

The spokesperson said the prison would conduct an internal review of the incident. They said it appears at this time that all procedures were properly followed by corrections staff.

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Baton Rouge, Louisiana
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Ex-Zulu queen pleads guilty in Medicare fraud scheme

2 years 2 weeks 6 days ago Friday, October 02 2015 Oct 2, 2015 October 02, 2015 4:20 PM October 02, 2015 in News
Source: Associated Press
By: APNewsNow
Image: WWL-TV

NEW ORLEANS - A New Orleans businesswoman who once served as queen of the historic Zulu organization has pleaded guilty in federal court in what prosecutors said was a fraud scheme that cost the Medicare program $30 million.

The U.S. Attorney's Office says 52-two-year-old Lisa Crinel entered the guilty plea to charges of conspiracy to commit health care fraud and conspiracy to pay and receive illegal kickbacks. She was among four people pleading guilty in the case Friday.

Among the allegations made by prosecutors were that Crinel instructed the staff of Abide Home Care Services not to discharge patients, even when they did not require home health services; and, she directed Abide to routinely file falsified diagnoses and medical records to inflate Medicare reimbursements.

Sentencing dates were set for January.

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Go Back   Wc3C.net > Warcraft III Modding > Developer's Corner > General Development
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Old 07-11-2007, 04:33 PM   #1
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Brash has little to show at this moment (8)

Question Movement - Turn Rate = Faster with Higher or Lower Value?

is it faster to have a bigger or smaller number in the Movement - Turn Rate field for the object properties of units?

i've tried high and low numbers and notice no real difference.
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the turn rate is faster with higher values.. 1.00 is the highest.
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BBDino has a spectacular aura about (95)BBDino has a spectacular aura about (95)BBDino has a spectacular aura about (95)BBDino has a spectacular aura about (95)

To elaborate, turn rate slowdown in wc3 only becomes really noticeable at very low values.

To get a slowly turning unit (for example, a battleship) values of the order of 0.01 - 0.05 are appropriate. Shift+Left Click are needed to input values this low in the field.
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Decatur basketball to hit big time venue

By Clay Corbett | Published Saturday, October 6, 2012
Tags: ,

The Decatur Eagles basketball team recently received an offer they could not refuse.

On Nov. 19 the Eagles will take on Wichita Falls Rider at the American Airlines Center in Dallas. Tip off is scheduled for 2:30 p.m. The Mavericks will follow later that evening with a game against Golden State.

Decatur received an allotment of tickets and still have around 65 left. Price is $50 and is good for both the Eagles game and the Maverick game later that night. For ticket information, call the basketball office at (940)393-7229.

“The kids are really excited about it,” Decatur coach Drew Coffman said. “They get a chance to play then watch the Mavericks that night. They are really pumped about it.”

Coffman received a call from the coach at WF Rider about the opportunity, and he jumped at the chance.

It will be Decatur’s second game of the season and will give them a feel of playing in a big venue.

“It will be a neat atmosphere to play in,” Coffman said. “It should help us down the road if we have to play in another big environment.”

Coffman is no stranger to the AAC. As a player at Texas Tech he played against Ohio State and competed in a Big 12 Tournament at the home of the Mavericks.

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Bridgeport to face 4th-ranked Graham

By Clay Corbett | Published Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Tags: ,

It hasn’t been the start the Bridgeport Bulls had hoped for.

After their loss to Princeton Friday, the Bulls remain winless with one game remaining before the District 9-3A schedule begins.

Bridgeport (0-5) will take on the Graham Steers (5-0) Friday in Graham. Kickoff is slated for 7:30 p.m.

LOOKING TO REBOUND – Trey Cook and the rest of the Bulls will try to upset No. 4 Graham Friday. Photo submited by Victor Tapia

“We didn’t do a good job of containing their speed and turnovers killed us,” Bridgeport coach Danny Henson said about the Princeton game. “We’ve got to go back to the basics of how to play the game right.”

The Bulls have been getting gashed in the running game. Opponents are averaging 297 yards on the ground, while Bridgeport is gaining only 63 yards per game.

They are minus 3 in the turnover margin, and injuries continue to mount.

Receiver Jaz Hickson is the latest Bull to go down, and isn’t expected back for a few weeks.

“We’ve got to improve in the fundamentals, and we work on it every week,” Henson said. “We’ve got a lot of kids who have been just thrown into roles because of necessity.”

Things won’t get any easier with No. 4 Graham on the horizon. The Steers are undefeated and are coming off a 49-14 win over Springtown. No team has scored more than 15 points on Graham all season, and offensively they haven’t scored fewer than 35.

“They are very well deserving of their high ranking,” Henson said.

The Steers’ offense is clicking on all cylinders. Their balanced attack has them averaging 270 pass yards per game and 240 on the ground.

Senior quarterback Ben Davis has already thrown for 1,349 yards.

It will be a grueling final tune-up for the Bulls before they open district play next week against Krum.

7:30 p.m.
at Newton Field

Bridgeport: Harris Rating 196

Notable: Bridgeport has allowed 1,487 yards on the ground in five games this season.

Graham: Harris Rating 238

Notable: Graham quarterback Ben Davis is completing 63 percent of his pass attempts.Harris line: Graham by 42

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Texans drop second straight; Fossil Ridge trips up Texans

By Jimmy Alford | Published Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tags: , ,

Fossil Ridge and Northwest battled to the end Friday night in Keller, with the Panthers coming out on top, 65-64.

The Texans (5-2) had been tied for first in district 4-5A with both Keller (6-1) and Fossil Ridge (6-1). After two straight losses, the Texans are in third alongside Richland.

Just Out of Reach

JUST OUT OF REACH – Northwest’s Darriel Eyaa fights for a rebound with a Fossil Ridge player during the Texans’ one-point loss Friday. Messenger photo by Jimmy Alford

The Panthers’ victory Friday was hard fought against the previously fifth-ranked Texans.

Northwest’s Taylor Johnson and Josh Tatum led all scorers with 21 and 17 points respectively.

Fossil Ridge made a better showing at the free-throw line, sinking 85 percent of their shots compared to Northwest’s 72 percent.

The Texans seemed in control through the first period, jumping ahead by five early on. The Panthers took control in the second, forcing Northwest to play catchup. They ended the first half ahead 35-32.

In the third, the Texans fell further behind at 48-40 but ramped up their efforts in the fourth to get back into contention, scoring 24 points to the Panthers’ 17.

Tatum scored 15 of his 17 points in the fourth period to close out the game.

The Panthers’ Chris Kovakou scored 16 points. Bryce Jackson and Cameron Montgomery scored a dozen points each for Fossil Ridge.

After two consecutive games against their toughest foes, the Texans are looking at a lighter workload this week.

They faced off against Haltom (2-5) Tuesday night at home. Northwest demolished the Buffaloes 90-44 in their last meeting.

Friday night, the Texans play Carroll (3-4) in Southlake. They slew the Dragons 47-44 in December, earning coach Mike Hatch his 500th victory.

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Thursday, May 22

We made it just a few minutes late

Registration took no time at all and we still got to hear some of the music.

We are at lunch now and have 4 more speakers to go. So far I have picked up some useful info and will (maybe) blog about it.

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‘A2B Nordic’ will now represent A2B in Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland and Greenland.

Owner Johnny Renfors, assisted by technician Noah Carlsson, will recruit a network of dealers to cover the region and have also established a showroom in their headquarters in Upplands Väsby, just north of Stockholm, with the full A2B range available for demonstration.

Interested dealers or customers can contact A2B Nordic on +46 (0)70 522 6677 or at A2B.SE@HEROECO.COM
Picture credit: Johnny Renfors and Noah Carlsson of A2B Nordic in their Upplands Väsby showroom


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How to connect with clients: talk about your failures

The compare asks you to put your name into a hat.

You put it in, alongside a hundred others.

He puts in his hand, shakes it around and pulls out…

…your name.

Your task. To tell a story in front of the crowd. A 5-minute story.

The lights are shining, the stage is calling, the crowd is waiting.

There are just three rules:

  • The story must be personal to you
  • You must tell it first person
  • The story must have a beginning, a middle and an end.

Come up to the stage and tell your story.

I was at this exact show in Bristol last night and I heard many different stories.

There were some that left me spell bound.

The people that evoked magic in my heart were NOT the ones that told me how many qualifications they had, or proved how interesting, funny or eloquent they were.

It was about their struggle.

You see, people like hearing about the journey.

The pain, the suffering, the sheer humanness of failure.

It emotes, it connects, it breaks down every boundary.

And people love hearing the happy ending.

How you overcame and conquered in the face of adversity.

It stirs, it enthuses, it inspires.

We have been conditioned to talk about our successes.

All our sales and marketing messages are designed to tell everyone just how amazing we are.

So next time someone asks, take them on a journey of your epic failures. Laugh, share, reminisce ...

...and show them the growth you achieved in the end.

Have a great week.

Jen Wagstaff, CreativeMind Sales Training

Proudly failing daily since 1984.

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Hello I have heard of SEO is prefer Html to Asp.
We are Trade company about Boat Accessories and Fishing Accessories.
Some months ago, i built my website by other compay.
But now, i find the website is aspx.
How can i transfer this asp to html?
Could you please give me some advice?
Thank you！


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FiveToGo Food Diary

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Postby fivetogo » Sat May 22, 2010 8:14 pm

Sat 22/05/2010:
M: Yum cha fried food :oops:
L: Pork chop, steamed vegie and rice
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Drank 2 coffee, 1 litre of green tea

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Glencore mentor1

The Weston Bears Mentor Program was first initiated in 2010 to formalise a process that Weston had been undertaking in some form for a long time.

Basically, the Mentor Program brings both senior and junior clubmates together throughout the year and provides each person an opportunity to learn more about their sport, Club and themselves.

To ensure the growth and success of the Mentor program it became apparent the Club required support. The 'Glencore Junior Sports Development Program' has provided this support and will allow the program to reach new levels.

The Bears and, most importantly, our young players can look forward to and benefit from the GLENCORE Mentor Program.

Remember to refer to your 'FOOTBALLINGS' sheets to work on all the little 'ings' that will improve your game.

 footballing thumb  hydrating thumb  perfecting thumb

We also encourage Parents of our youth players to click on the image below and view the 'Infographics' for parents of young people.
Developed by Youthsafe, these resources contain great information on: Young Drivers, Safer Celebrating, Young Workers, Sports Safety, Bikes & Safer Travel.

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Tift Merritt - Words and Music - 2008

Texas-born songwriter Tift Merritt is now a resident of New York City, but she traveled even further to write her latest album 'Another Country.' Paris provides the muse, country and classic 70s songwriting inspire the sound, and Claudia Marshall asks the questions as Tift stops by Studio-A.

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Are you extremely obsessed with your dog? Study shows you’re not alone

If you’re a dog owner who posts more pictures of your pooch than your friends, sing to your pup and even buy them a birthday cake, it turns out, you’re not alone.
A recent study from says that the modern-day dog owner puts their dog before nearly anything else in their life.

According to research, nearly 3/4 of dog owners include their pups in family moments, like vacations or marriage proposals. Just around 46-percent would end a relationship if they thought they dog didn’t like their partner. Almost half of dog owners sing to their dog, and another 28-percent reportedly make up songs to sing to their dog.


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Chesterfield parents concerned over sex offender at practice - WFXG FOX 54 - News Now

Chesterfield parents concerned over sex offender at youth football practice

Chesterfield parents reached out to 12 On Your Side concerned after learning a convicted sex offender was on the football field with their children.

William Thompson, Jr. of Chesterfield is on the sex offender registry. He was convicted of taking indecent liberties with a child by a custodian and failure to register. The charges date back to 2004.

"I was shocked to hear William Thompson (Coach Will) of the Tri-City Tigers was a convicted sex offender," wrote the parent. "Our children's safety is our utmost concern."

We contacted Mr. Thompson. He had no comment, but he insisted he was not a formal coach. He says he was just a parent. That statement led us to contact the Tri-City Tigers President for clarification.

"Were you aware that Mr. Thompson is a registered sex offender?" we asked President Antonio Bedford.

"I was not aware until recently," replied Bedford who admitted Thompson was a frequent participant on the field at practice.

We even found a photo on the team's Facebook page.

"He just got the title, 'Coach Will,'" said Bedford. "There are a lot of parents out there that we call coach who aren't really on the active coaching roster. They are just at practice."

NBC 12 legal analyst Steve Benjamin had some sobering information for parents.

"There is nothing in Virginia law that says a convicted sex offender can't be a coach of children," said Benjamin who notes it is an independent league. "If it is private property, if it is not school sanctioned or school sponsored, if it's not unsupervised contact there may likely be no violation here."

The league says they have asked Thompson to step back from his active role with the team. They encourage him to focus more on his role as a parent booster of his young son on the league.

Copyright 2013 WWBT NBC12.  All rights reserved.

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Auburn's Malzahn a finalist for Coach of the Year awards - WFXG FOX 54 - News Now

Auburn's Malzahn a finalist for Coach of the Year awards

File Photo: Gus Malzahn File Photo: Gus Malzahn

The man leading the Auburn Tigers to the team's biggest, and fastest turnaround is being eyed for Coach of the Year accolades.

In addition to being in the lead for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Coach of the Year Award [Vote Here], coach Gus Malzahn is one of three finalists being named for the Maxwell Football Club's Collegiate Coach of the Year Award.

The other finalists in the MFC award are David Cutcliffe of Duke and Gary Pinkel of Missouri. Malzahn and Pinkel will square-off Saturday in the SEC Championship game in Atlanta.

Cutcliffe has led Duke to its first 10-win season in school history and an ACC Coastal Division title. Duke (10-2, 6-2 in the ACC) will play No. 1 Florida State (12-0, 8-0) Saturday.

In just his first year at Auburn and just the second year of his career as a head coach at the collegiate level, Malzahn turned the Tigers' 3-9 team of 2012 into a powerhouse 11-1 team the next year topping off the season with a historic, last second win over undefeated, reigning 2-time national champion Alabama.

Malzahn's Tigers are currently ranked No. 3 in the BCS standings behind No. 2 Ohio State and No. 1 Florida State.

Pinkel has led Mizzou's turnaround in 2013, much like Auburn, to end the regular season 11-1. The Missouri Tigers are the SEC East Champions and are currently ranked No. 5 in the BCS standings.

The winner will be named on December 19, 2013.

Copyright 2013 WSFA 12 News.  All rights reserved.

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Missouri gets grace period for Real ID license compliance - WGEM.com: Quincy News, Weather, Sports, and Radio

Missouri gets grace period for Real ID license compliance

Posted: Updated:

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) - Missouri has more time to comply with stricter identification requirements under the Real ID Act.

The Department of Homeland Security is giving Missouri a grace period through Jan. 22, 2018 as it reviews the state's request for another extension. The last extension expired Tuesday.

At issue is a federal law with tougher proof-of-identity requirements needed at airports, some federal facilities and military bases.

Some Missouri lawmakers worried about privacy pushed back against compliance with the federal law for years. But a new Missouri law that took effect in August will give residents the option to get compliant driver's licenses or other ID cards.

Department of Revenue spokeswoman Anne Marie Moy says the agency asked for an extension through March 2019 as the state works to make those compliant licenses available.

Copyright 2017 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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Little Chef

A256 Ramsgate RoadSandwichKentCT13 9NL
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Cocktail Happy Hour
Offer: Get 20% discount on all our cocktails everyday between 4-6pm.

20% Discount with Loyalty Card
Offer: Get one of our loyalty card and receive 20% off all food everytime that you visit us after your first visit.
Expires: 31/10/2015

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Welcome Everyone! It's so beautiful here. You DO need a night or two away. Beautiful staycation location!

Your sanctuary to meet, relax, connect, awaken...

"No matter what the event, the beauty of this place is Mother Nature. You can't help feeling the stress and worries disappear as you head north under the Mormon Bridge, and into an area that many people don't even know exists so close to the city. Personally, I have undergone a tremendous transformation on this land and in this home. I just want to share that joy with others." - Debra Cook, proprietor

Retreat & Conference Facility in Omaha

White Deer Retreat gives you the convenient proximity to the city, with the peace and serenity of the outdoors. Located only 15 minutes from downtown Omaha, our retreat is nestled on nine acres of scenic countryside, with a panoramic view of the Missouri River Valley. This enthralling landscape, relaxing quiet and natural splendor draws guests year after year for team-building retreats, business meetings, fundraisers, overnight stays and much more.

White Deer Retreat is the ideal location to host your weekend getaway, group synergy retreat, women’s weekend, or your own personal vacation. Amongst the green hills and soft, fresh breezes, you can escape to your own quiet corner of the world to reflect, meditate, recharge and reawaken. Our staff of trained health and wellness practitioners is available at any time to help you achieve complete relaxation, healing and renewal.

Our conference and retreat center in Omaha, Nebraska, is the perfect blend of business and pleasure. Contact us to learn more about our package retreat offers, activities, spa treatments and accommodations.


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Our Mission

Whitworth's mission is to provide its diverse student body an education of mind and heart, equipping its graduates to honor God, follow Christ, and serve humanity.

The Whitworth School of Continuing Studies provides higher-education opportunities for adult students in an environment that cultivates student success, critical reflection and professional development.

We uphold Whitworth's mission of an education of mind and heart by treating all students with dignity; by providing avenues for spiritual, as well as intellectual, rigor; and by serving each individual with compassion and integrity.

Learn more about Whitworth's 125-year mission and heritage.


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Fire at Free State Brewery Plant Delays Expansion

By  |

LAWRENCE, Kan. (AP) _ A fire at a newly renovated brewing and bottling plant will delay a major expansion planned by Free State Brewing Co.

The fire was reported about 6:30 a.m. Sunday. The building was not occupied at the time and no injuries were reported. Investigators continue to look for a cause.

Brewmaster Steve Bradt said only refrigeration equipment was running at the time of the fire. The plant contained brewing equipment and malted barley, wheat and hops.

Free State has been overhauling the plant for months. It plans to significantly increase production from the 2,700 barrels of beer per year it brews at its downtown location.

(Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)


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Knights Chambers, The Square, Wickham Hampshire, PO17 5JW
12 The Square Wickham GB

The Beauty Loft is a boutique beauty salon in the heart of Wickham Square, Hampshire incorporating the Hair Boutique. Offering a wide variety of beauty and hair treatments, we provide a bespoke service depending on the individual client’s requirements.

Packages are available to suit both the client and their budget. Treatments can also be tailored to suit individual needs.

Appointments outside of opening hours can also be accommodated with prior arrangement.

The Beauty Loft is a vintage style salon with a relaxing feel and experienced therapists on hand to cater your every need.


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National Public Works Week celebrated in Binghamton

With summer projects in full swing, the city of Binghamton is honoring the public works department.

This week is national public works week and Mayor Rich David is praising the 172 men and women who spend hours working on the local roads, parks, and street lighting. David says he has committed 28 million dollars in infrastructure improvements for the city since taking office in January of 2014.

"Their work is vital. without public works, there would be no Binghamton, no parks, no facilities, and no infrastructure. The 16 months that I have been in office, we have made infrastructure a top priority," said Mayor David.

Since 1960, the American Public Works Association has sponsored this appreciation week. There are 28,000 members across North America that are being recognized.