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Ema ( Pictorial Offering ) --- Hanegi Park

At the park, I found Ema on red board in Children's Play Park area. You see Ema( Pictorial Offering ) usually at shrines with illustration of the year's oriental zodiac on one side. During new year's celebration, you buy one ( especially students taking entrance exam ) and write your wish.
This one is plain and it seems children drew what they want.
I found one saying " Peace". That is nice.

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Sunday, May 31, 2015

Children of Cain Series by R.J. Craddock

The Forsaken (Children of Cain book One)
Book Description:
Her mother is dead, her home is destroyed. Gwenevere flees into the forest in the dead of winter and stumbles into the human world. Unable to speak their language, but capable of reading their thoughts, Gwen acclimates quickly. Meanwhile she discovers that her native tongue is magical, giving her the power to control the world around her. Seeking the answers to her identity and her forgotten past, orphaned Gwen runs off in search of her own kind. Her dark gifts bring to light horrible truths, the discovery of which forces Gwen to make a fatal decision. The only thing that is certain, her life is about to take a drastic turn - there is no going back from murder.

The Forsaken is book one in The Children of Cain series, a mature Young Adult Urban Fantasy.

Buy on Amazon

The Offspring (Children of Cain book Two)
Book Description:
A murder behind her and the wilderness before her, friendless witch Gwenevere flees to survive. Yet Mother Nature is not kind and even Gwen’s magical gifts can’t save her from a deadly winter storm. Narrowly escaping death, she is rescued by an unlikely hero and taken into the shelter of a mythical realm. Has Gwen at long last found her own kind? Will she finally solve the mystery to her own identity, or her mother’s murder? Or is innocence blinding her to the true reality of this dark sanctuary?

The Offspring is book two in The Children of Cain series a mature Young Adult Urban Fantasy.

Buy on Amazon

The Coven (Children of Cain Book Three) is coming in September!
I received books one and two to review so book reviews of books 1 and 2 soon!

Friday, May 29, 2015

Pop Chart Lab Giant Posters Review

I received a free Pop Chart Lab Poster to review.

The Story of Pop Chart Lab
In 2010, a book editor and a graphic designer joined forces with one modest goal: to render all of human experience in chart form.

They went on to amass no small renown (that is, a ton of renown) for their infographical treatments of the varieties of beer, the full array of culinary tools, a taxonomy of hip-hop, and dozens more mappings of cultural touchstones.

Now, with a small team of researchers, designers, and soldiers, Pop Chart Lab continues to assemble, sift, cull, and arrange massive amounts of cultural data into meaningful works of art and information.

My opinion:
I chose the Superpowers poster from Pop Chart Lab because we LOVE superheroes. The poster is really huge! The paper feels thick and strong. There's so many superheroes and superpowers I have't heard of before. I love everything about this poster!

Buy at Amazon

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Blog Tour with Guest Post and Giveaway: Sons of Old Trilogy by Annabell Cadiz

Lucifer (Sons of Old Trilogy #1)

Add on Goodreads!

Purchase on Barnes & Noble and Amazon! *99 CENTS until MAY 31, 2015!*

Synopsis: Have you ever wondered what could be hiding in the shadows?

Well, for eighteen-year-old Zahara Faraday, she doesn’t have to wonder. You see she comes from a lineage of Light Witches, those who have chosen to help protect and serve between the supernatural world and the human world. The only problem is Zahara, like her father Solomon, is as human as a human being can be whereas her mother, Mia, and her Aunt Catalina, were born as Light Witches. As a family they hunt down rogue supernaturals—creatures who harm humans or who have committed an act against their kingdom.

Zahara’s hunting skills are usually kept dormant since her parents would prefer she live life as a normal human girl without knowledge of the supernatural world. She plans on doing just that—except when she finds a couple being attacked by fairies, she has no choice but to step in. Before she can return to pretending to be blissfully ignorant, Zahara encounters a problem she isn’t the least equip to handle: Bryan Hamilton, the good looking new co-worker she has to help train. In a heartbeat, her best friend, Becca King, has set her up on a double date with herself and her new crush, Rekesh Saint-Louis, who happens to be the most powerful leader of the biggest Imago Coven in South Florida –supernatural creatures with the ability to control water . . . and suck out human souls.

Zahara has no time to focus on how she’s going to explain her double date with her best friend and the enemy they have a tentative truce with to her parents because soon one of the members of Mia and Catalina’s coven is found murdered with a strange tattoo of a snake with wings carved into his arm.

Zahara is then thrown into a whirlwind battle with an angel determined to have revenge against God, an Imago coven she doesn’t think they should trust, and slew of dream-eating fairies and powerful Nephilims, hybrid children of angels and humans, more than happy to rip her to shreds.

Normal just got a deadlier definition.

Michael (Sons of Old Trilogy #2)

Add on Goodreads!

Purchase on Barnes & Noble and Amazon! *ONLY 99 Cents MAY 11-31, 2015*
Synopsis: Zahara Faraday looks like a normal eighteen-year-old and lives in a quiet neighborhood with her overprotective parents. She works at a bookstore and hangs out with her best friend Becca King on a daily basis. But underneath the normal lies a secret life filled with dangerous supernaturals. Zahara belongs to a world made of Light Witches, rogue Imagoes (supernatural creatures with super strength, speed, and silver skin when the moon is out), fallen angels, and Nephilim (hybrid children born half-human, half-angel). Where her father Solomon Faraday is human, her mother Mia and her Aunt Catalina are Light Witches. They help protect the human world by hunting down rogue supernaturals who commit heinous acts against humans. What they never expected was the possibility of having to hunt down the one rogue coven they had befriended and come to trust in their battle against Lucifer. Rekesh Saint-Louis is the leader of the most powerful Imago coven in Florida and now he’s the most suspected. Supernatural bodies are starting to pile up with an ancient ritual long forbade being used to murder them and the symbol, one large cross with four smaller crosses around it—which represents Rekesh’s coven— being left behind. Rekesh and the Elders of his coven set out to find who is behind the murders and clearing his name before a war between the covens begins. To make matters more difficult, Rekesh also has to deal with the return of someone he has been keeping a secret.

Meanwhile, Zahara and Becca are spending more time brushing up on their training, knowing an attack from Lucifer can come at any moment. Between patrolling neighborhoods and hanging at the boarding school created by Charles Stephens—a fallen angel who created the school to protect the children of rogue supernaturals—they are thrown into one battle after another. Zahara begins to develop a closer bond with Jason as they train and chase down clues to clear Rekesh’s name. What she doesn’t know is the very powerful secret Jason is keeping; a secret that will change the course of the fight with Lucifer.

But Rekesh’s coven being set up isn’t the only danger. A new powerful and lethal drug has emerged from the shadows of the supernatural world called Inferi. The drug has two deadly side effects: it leaves the supernatural hungering for blood—both human and supernatural—and grants them the elemental power they had once possessed.

Lucifer is on the move and he will stop at nothing to get his hands on Zahara and complete the first act of his plan.

A battle is about to begin.

One that may cost the Faraday family everything they hold dear.

Nephilim (Sons of Old Trilogy #3)

Add on Goodreads!

Coming August 2015!

Synopsis: After the loss of Dustin, Zahara throws herself into taking care of the Howling Café—the café he left to her in his will and fights to keep a rhythm of normalcy with the others. It’s the best they can do since Lucifer has gone underground and any attempts to find him have rendered no leads.

Endymion, Prince of the Angel Kingdom, isn’t exactly helping though. Thanks to his brash and arrogant attitude, Zahara finds she would rather stab him with her dagger than hang out with him for any period of time. But she has no choice. Endymion is the only who can help her learn to control the magic threatening to take over her body thanks to his connection to the soul lying dormant inside of her. Nevaeh was once the most powerful Nephilim in the Supernatural Kingdoms and engaged to the Prince himself. She also happened to be Lucifer’s daughter who was killed in the first Supernatural War. Her soul is key to Lucifer creating war again—not just with the Supernatural Kingdoms but with Heaven itself. Endymion is determined to keep that from happening, even if that means destroying the soul of the only woman he’s ever loved so Zahara can live.

Complicating things even more—as if they could get any more complicated—is the revelation of an ancient Grimoire once held by Margaret. The Grimorie contains powerful spells passed down through the generations of coven members within the Light Witch community. But Margaret hid it away before she helped take Lucifer down the first time. The Grimoire not only holds the two dark spells Lucifer needs to complete the final phase of his plan and but a secret Lucifer never knew about.

Zahara and company are in a race to find the Grimoire before Lucifer can but Margaret didn’t exactly make it easy. Seven keys have to be found in order to discover the location where the Grimoire had been hidden. Making matters worse is a new coven that has suddenly appeared in town. A coven made of a variety of supernaturals, all under Lucifer’s command.

The clock is ticking.

Battles will be waged.

Life changing secrets will be revealed.

The stage for the epic battle is set and not everyone will make it out alive.

Check out the Sons of Old Trilogy Board on Pinterest!

Guest Post:
What’s in a Name?

Choosing a name for a child is IMMENSELY important and when you’re to become soon-to-be parent you discover very quickly how overwhelming that decision feels. There is power in a person’s name. It helps to shape a person’s personality in a way and is the first introduction to how a person is defined in the world.

For the authors, choosing names for our characters is just as important. We spent countless hours browsing through websites with baby names. Discovering their meanings and origins and tasting the way the name feels when it’s said out loud. A name can be chosen just for the way it sounds when spoken or because of the origin or because of the meaning. A character can be built from one of those reasons, too.

Take the main players from Sons of Old Trilogy:

Zahara—Origin: Hebrew; Swahili; Arabic/Meaning “to shine; flower; most exquisite”

I chose Zahara’s name because it meant “to shine” and reminded me of her flaming red-orange hair which always made me think of the sun. She’s a beacon of light in the dark.

Becca—Origin: Hebrew/Meaning: “Captivating; knotted cord.”

Becca’s name is derived from the name Rebecca. I shortened and kept it that way on purpose because I liked the way it sounded. I also liked the “knotted cord” meaning; it fit the tight bond Zahara and Becca share as best friends.

Jason—Origin: Greek; a man who helped shelter Paul and Silas in the New Testament carried the name/Meaning: “healer; to heal; he that cures.”

I’ve always liked the name Jason, even before I learned what the name actually meant. It just always seemed like a sexy name to me which fit Jason’s character well because he’s a good-looking Nephilim. He begins his journey in Sons of Old Trilogy on the wrong side and finds healing by joining Zahara and her family.

Rekesh—Origin: Indian/Meaning: “lord of the full-moon day”

Once I decided to create the Imagoes, I knew I would need a leader with a strong name that fit what type of supernatural creature he was born into. Imagoes hold the power to control water, their elemental magic strengthened by the power of the moon. Rekesh’s name fit perfectly, both because of his supernatural birth and because he is a powerful leader of an Imago coven.

Amos—Origin: Hebrew; a prophet from the Old Testament was named Amos/Meaning: “strong; carried; brave; loading; weighty.”

Amos was a name I fell in love with as soon as I found it. It fits his character so well. Not because he’s a powerful Imago but more so because Amos has been through a lot and has remained both strong and brave. He has carried a great weight of loss and he was lost for a while because of it but he found a way to keep living.

Leanian—Origin: Anglo-Saxon Meaning: “Reward”

I loved the way Leanian’s name sounds when said and I also read that people given his name are ones who enjoy searching for deeper truths and like the quiet. I built Leanian’s character as soon as I discovered his name. He is quiet but sees all and hears all. He’s the best one to be Rekesh’s second-in-command.

Solomon—Origin: Hebrew; King Solomon was a king to Israel and the son of King David/Meaning: “peaceable; perfect; one who recompenses.”

Solomon is another name I’ve always loved. Probably due to its connection to King David of Israel, a figure I have also always loved. I chose Solomon’s name because of its symbolic nature. He is the head of his household as father and husband. He leads his family with wisdom and strength (and a good sense of humor) even without having magical gifts as many of the other characters do. He is steady and secure and as such offers a sense of peace to the others around him.

Mia—Origin: Scandinavian/ Meaning: “wished for child rebellion.”

I chose Mia’s name because I liked the way it sounded and because it seemed a cute name for a young mom. I had also read that people given the name Mia had deep leadership skills and liked to focus on the big, important issues at hand. That fits Mia perfectly. She is steadfast and strong. She can be trusted to see something through to the end, especially if it means protecting her husband (Solomon) and daughter (Zahara).

So you see, writers take choosing a name for a character VERY serious because names carry so much strength and power and depth in them. They can shape essential parts of characters who in turn shape essential parts of stories.

Definitely make sure to dig a little deeper when picking a name for a character, you never what fun tidbits you’ll up learning which can create a whole mess of inspiration and ideas to help bring not just the character but story to life *wink*

About the Author

Born and raised in the sweltering suburbs of South Florida, Annabell Cadiz grew up fine-tuned to the cuisine of various Spanish cultures, learned to master the art of Puerto Rican cooking thanks to her parents, and learned to converse crazy thanks to her band of siblings. She is now working toward attaining a B.A. in Psychology at Trinity International University to better understand how to converse with the weirdoes and crazies of the world. (After all, she is one of them.) A self-proclaimed nerd and a book-a-holic (her room holds dozens of shelves with much evidence to prove that her claims are indeed true), she created TeamNerd Reviews along with her best friend, Bridget Strahin, to showcase their EXTREME love for all things book related.

She published her debut novel, Lucifer (Sons of Old Trilogy #1), in January 2013. The second novel, Michael (Sons of Old Trilogy #2) will be released on May 28, 2014. And the final installment in the Sons of Old Trilogy, Nephilim, will be out in Summer 2015.

Find Annabell: Website/Goodreads/Pinterest/Twitter/Facebook

May 11
Indy Book Fairy (Promo Post)

May 12
Mia in Narnia (Book Review: LUCIFER + Top Ten)

May 13
Dreams Come True Through Reading (Book Review: LUCIFER & MICHAEL)

May 14

May 15

May 18

May 21
Every Free Chance Books (Review of LUCIFER & MICHAEL)

May 22
Relaxed Reads (Promo Post)
We Live and Breathe Books (Book Review of LUCIFER)

May 24
Just Us Book Blog (Book Review: LUCIFER)

May 25
Read Write All the Time (Book Review: LUCIFER & MICHAEL + Guest Post)

May 27
Books and Sweet Epiphany (Book Review: LUCIFER & MICHAEL)
AlwaysJoArt (Guest Post)

May 28
Buried Under Books (Guest Post)

May 29
Welcome to Book City (Book Review: LUCIFER)

May 30

May 31
Paradise of Pages (Book Review: LUCIFER & MICHAEL + Guest Post)
Kariny’s Teen Boox Frenzy (Book Review: LUCIFER & MICHAEL)

**E-copy of LUCIFER & MICHAEL**
**Signed Michael Bookmark**
**Handmade Bookmark**
**Sons of Old Trilogy Inspired Eyeshadow Kit**
**Rose shaped earrings, funky headbands & zigzag ring**

Tour Setup by TeamNerd Reviews

Monday, May 25, 2015

IncreduLash Eyelash and Brow Growth Serum Review

I received a free sample of IncreduLash to review. All opinions are my own based on my own experience with the product.

This is their product description:

Get Longer Lashes Naturally - You Too Can Have Lashes to Die For

Enjoy Beautiful long lashes and thicker brows, with our powerful combination of apple stem cell, peptides and botanical complex

LONGER NATURAL LASHES – This is great because you don't have to use false eyelashes anymore with all that damage to your natural eyelashes. IncreduLash eyelash growth stimulator & lengthener will give you your best eye lashes

THICKER EYELASHES  – IncreduLash has Apple Stem Cells and Peptide which is good;  these are fantastic as an eyelash stimulator to make eyelashes grow longer; and as an eyelash thickener, and eyebrow thickener

LASH ENHANCEMENT – Your lashes frame your eyes.  Use IncreduLash by VIDI to give you longer eyelashes to make your eyes look bigger over a few short weeks. Our trials show 20% growth in the first 2 weeks

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If you want:
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Top pictures before, bottom pictures after

My opinion:
My reason for wanting to try IncreduLash is to thicken and darken my brows and lashes. I have been using Incredulash for two weeks on my eyelashes and one week on my eyebrows. I haven't seen a big difference in length but since I'm already happy with the size of my eyelashes that doesn't really matter to me. What I have noticed is that my lashes and eyebrows are looking darker and shinier. I usually fill in my eyebrows because they are too light and I like them to stand out but for the last couple of days I haven't had to fill them in. If you look at the bottom picture with my eyes closed you can see that my eyelashes look shinier and that is right after using Incredulash, I have no mascara or any type of makeup! I will definitely keep using to seen if my eyelashes will actually get longer but either way I am happy with the results I have already had in just two weeks. I give this product 4.5 stars.

Buy at Amazon

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Book Review with giveaway ends 5/27: Dreamscape: Saving Alex

I'm a little late for the tour, I was supposed to post my review a few days ago but better late than never....

Welcome to the tour for Dreamscape: Saving Alex by Kirstin Pulioff. This is a young adult contemporary fantasy.

Dreamscape: Saving Alex
by Kirstin Pulioff

About the book:
Sixteen-year-old Alexis Stone is used to getting away from life’s frustration with Dreamscape, a video game she’s loved since childhood. As her family prepares to move, a sleepy night of gaming pulls her into the world like never before. Trapped in Dreamscape’s realm, Alex is about to learn that being a hero has consequences… and this time, the stakes are deadly. Will helping the rebellion cost her everything she knows and loves? Or will she betray them to save her own life?

Kirstin Pulioff is a storyteller at heart. Born and raised in Southern California, she moved to the Pacific Northwest to follow her dreams and graduated from Oregon State University (Go Beavs!) with a degree in Forest Management. Happily married and a mother of two, she lives in the foothills of Colorado, and enjoys being a stay at home mom. When she’s not writing an adventure, she’s busy living one.She loves to hear from readers and fans. Please connect with her on any of her sites:

AUTHOR ONLINE: Website | Goodreads | FacebookTwitter

My opinion:
Dreamscape has everything I love and want in a fantasy book. Great characters, travel to a different world, lot's of adventure and just a little bit of romance! Reading this story made me think of Super Mario my favorite video game when I was a kid. Would I want to travel to the Super Mario world? No thanks that would be scary! As I read the book I tried to imagine how I would feel and how I would react if I was Alex and I believe it would be pretty similar to Alex so that made the story more believable to me. My favorite character was Arrow though, I loved everything about him (especially when I found out who he really was and why people followed him even though he is so young). If I had read this book last year I would have given it 5 stars but since this is a young adult book and I recently started enjoying adult books a little more I give this book 4 stars. It's a good book though and if you're into young adult fantasy you will probably love it.

The author will be giving away the following to 11 winners of the below Rafflecopter. The giveaway ends May 27th.

• $50 Amazon or Paypal gift card (INT)
• 5 custom made necklaces
• 3 custom Dreamscape bookmarks
• 2 custom Dreamscape zipper pulls (US)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This event was organized by CBB Book Promotions.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Book Review: Haunted Love by Jessica Frances

I received a free ebook copy to review.

Haunted Love by Jessica Frances
Publication date: February 23rd 2015
Genres: Adult, Paranormal Romance

Word count: 105k / Heat Level: Medium

My name is Thea Bell and I was murdered.

I always assumed that death was the end. So when my life was cruelly taken away from me, I never thought I would get a second chance to say what I needed to.

But then I was given a choice, a choice that allowed me to see the people I had left behind, and I knew I had to take it.

I wanted to say a proper goodbye. I needed justice for what happened to me.

But even in death, things rarely go to plan.

I never expected to meet him. I didn’t anticipate falling in love. I hadn’t considered the repercussions of coming back. I never realized I would put another person in danger.

I didn’t know my actions were going to haunt us forever.

My name is Detective Aiden Mercer, and I think I have gone insane.

I am seeing the murder victim of my current case alive and in the flesh, and that is simply not possible.

I can see her, hear her, touch her. She’s real to me, however I know this cannot be real. Right?

But try telling my heart that, because as I grow closer to catching Thea’s killer, I also fall deeper into trouble.

Because love is rarely anything but trouble and I know this love will haunt me forever.

Add to Goodreads:

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My opinion:
If you're into romance between a ghost and a living person than you should definitely read this book! I don't usually read romance but this story seemed interesting and I wasn't disappointed! I loved Thea right away but it took awhile for me to like Detective Mercer because even though he's a nice guy he's also a jerk sometimes. I loved getting both Thea's and Detective Mercer's point of view. Haunted Love is pretty sad and I didn't know how this love story would even work out but it does and at the end they get their happy ending. I give this book 4 stars.


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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Top Headlines: Bihar may get new House before Diwali; 5-phased poll likely from mid-October

Times of India
Daily Newsletter | Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Bihar may get new House before Diwali; 5-phased poll likely from mid-October
With the Election Commission set to announce polls in Bihar, indications are that the state will have a new assembly in place before Diwali, which falls onNovember 11 this year.

Held hand, now fall at her feet: SC to suitor
The pitfalls of one-sided love dawned on a man on Monday when the Supreme Court told him that it could reduce his five-year sentence to one year if he fell at the feet of the girl and sought her forgiveness for entering her bedroom 10 years ago and holding her hand.
Hides of animals sacrificed on Eid fund terror
With Eid-ul-Zuha due to be celebrated on September 25, Pakistani terror outfits are actively seeking donations and preparing to collect hides of sacrificed animals to raise funds for their jihadi activities.
Gurgaon e-way traffic crawls for 5 hrs in peak time
A massive traffic jam near exits 8, 9 and 10 on the Delhi-Gurgaon expressway brought Monday morning blues for thousands of commuters.
Delhi RTR flyover plan held up again
There will be no respite from the mile-long traffic jams on Rao Tula Ram Road stretch in south Delhi, at least till 2017.
Old Delhi special in name only
Special Area status has done little for the lakhs of residents and traders of Shahjahanabad, Sadar Bazaar, Karol Bagh and Paharganj.
Apple iPhone 6S & 6S Plus: 14 rumours doing rounds
Invites for the next iPhone launch on September 9 are already out and like every year there is a lot of excitement around the new phone. Here is a list of rumored upgrades and features that Apple's upcoming superphone might have.
Amazon, US university sued over Indian-origin student's death
Online giant Amazon and the University of Pennsylvania have been sued by the mother of an Indian-origin girl student who committed suicide over two years ago.
First look: Moto 360 second-generation
We spent some time with the new Moto 360 and here are our initial impressions…
British boxers win gold with less training: Vikas Krishan
Vikas lost to 19-year-old reining Youth Olympic champion Bektemir Melikuziev of Uzbekistan in a brutal summit clash on Saturday, a loss he said owed largely to overconfidence.
Live scorecenter: US Open 2015, Day 8
Live scorecenter: US Open 2015, Day 6
Lufthansa cancels 4 flights from India on Tuesday
A pilot strike on Tuesday has forced German carrier Lufthansa to cancel hundreds of long haul international and some cargo flights.
PM to meet industry leaders on global economic scene
Prime Minister Narendra Modi will tomorrow meet business leaders including Reliance Industries head Mukesh Ambani, Tata Group chairman Cyrus Mistry as well as bankers and economists to discuss global economic scenario.
90% employees complain about salary disparity: Survey
India Inc is being blamed for playing favourites when it comes to pay packages, as 90 per cent of employees feel there is no pay parity in their organisations for the same role and level, a survey says.
I asked Ghai to make Hero with me: Salman
Salman Khan barely gets two minutes to soak in the amazing view of the Bandra-Worli Sea Link from his 23rd floor suite of a suburban Mumbai hotel.
Salman was jittery singing at 'Hero' concert
The music concert of Hero, produced by Salman Khan Films and Mukta Arts, released worldwide by Eros International, that comes on September 11, saw an evening full of heartening performances, emotional moments and fun-filled banter on dias when the actor-producer took jibes at his protégés.
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comsc US Politics | AMERICAblog News: The GOP problem—they can't get to the right of Obama without looking stupid
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The GOP problem—they can't get to the right of Obama without looking stupid

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Glenn Greenwald has a nice observation in The Guardian that's worth noticing.

His key point — Obama is so far to the right, especially on national security, that no GOP candidate can get to his right and look credible.

In fairness to the much-maligned GOP field, they face a formidable hurdle: how to credibly attack Obama when he has adopted so many of their party's defining beliefs. ... Because Obama has governed as a centrist Republican, these GOP candidates are able to attack him ... only by moving so far to the right ... that they fall over the cliff of mainstream acceptability, or even basic sanity. ...

How do you scorn a president as a far-left socialist when he has stuffed his administration with Wall Street executives, had his last campaign funded by them, governed as a "centrist Republican", and presided over booming corporate profits even while the rest of the nation suffered economically?
Greenwald notes that there is a little room to Obama's left on a few domestic policies, and calls attention to the future makeup of the Supreme Court in particular:
The president's 2009 stimulus spending and Wall Street "reform" package – tepid and inadequate though they were – are genuinely at odds with rightwing dogma, ... And the Supreme Court, perpetually plagued by a 5-4 partisan split, would be significantly affected by the outcome of the 2012 election.
But on foreign policy, there's no sane room to Obama's right at all:
[H]ow can a GOP candidate invoke this time-tested caricature [Dems coddling America's enemies] when Obama has embraced the vast bulk of George Bush's terrorism policies; waged a war against government whistleblowers as part of a campaign of obsessive secrecy; led efforts to overturn a global ban on cluster bombs; extinguished the lives not only of accused terrorists but of huge numbers of innocent civilians with cluster bombs and drones in Muslim countries; engineered a covert war against Iran; tried to extend the Iraq war; ignored Congress and the constitution to prosecute an unauthorised war in Libya; adopted the defining Bush/Cheney policy of indefinite detention without trial for accused terrorists; and even claimed and exercised the power to assassinate US citizens far from any battlefield and without due process?
Pass through that list again. This is Obama's genius, if you will — to sell his soul to the right-wing devil and actually get a good price, the presidency.

Mephistopheles will get his revenge, but after Obama is out of office. Obama may indeed be a Top Four president — on a list that contains Nixon and Bush.

Greenwald concludes that the current GOP crop is "forced to move so far to the right that they render themselves inherently absurd."

No wonder the GOP debates seemed like episodes of some weird high-concept reality show — a verbal version of Dancing with the Under-Rehearsed Stars. Thanks to Obama's takeover of both political parties, it's all they have to offer.

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comsc US Politics | AMERICAblog News: An essential SOPA–PIPA video
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An essential SOPA–PIPA video

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We've talked about this before (mainly here), but it bears repeating on this day of SOPA & PIPA darkness.

Again, go here for the supplemental text should you want it. But if all you want is a nice video that explains it all, this is a good one. Enjoy.

H/T Digby for the reminder. For another nice SOPA–PIPA video, this time from the Guardian, click here.

By the way, you'll notice that Google has "gone black" for the day, but only in the sense that they're wearing a black armband, as it were. Imagine if they were actually, well, closed. As in "come back tomorrow — after you've complained to your friendly SOPA and PIPA supporters."

What's the over-under on how fast these bills would be withdrawn? That's blackmail, of course, but hey, a business has a right to shut its doors. (Or maybe that's just "playing to win." You do want to win, don't you folks?)

Oh, did I forget to mention that "progressive" Al Franken is a PIPA co-sponsor? Yep, surprised me too. Perhaps you can tell him how surprised you are as well. I'm sure he doesn't want to fund-raise without that precious "Wellstone" branding:

Sen. Al Franken (D-MN)
DC ph: 202-224-5641
District ph: 651-221-1016
Or if you like, you can tell the whole lot of them. (Search on "cosponsor" and be prepared for a few surprises.)

Occupy the Darkness, at least for the day.

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Back at it

Getting back into the swing of things after a long vacation is always hard.  We’ve just recently done it once (getting back from our summer vacation, which I have yet to write about) and we’re facing our next round of it (because school starts in less than 2 weeks, which is a bummer).  But it’s worse when the whole family is battling jet lag, as we were after our trip home over Christmas.  Making matters even worse was that we had a really short turn-around before getting back to our usual routine.

We had planned to have the boys skip school for the first two days after we got back, returning to Vienna on Wednesday but not sending the boys back to school until the following Monday.  But B ended up sick for large parts of November and December, and he missed so much school that we were worried about him missing more than is allowed, so we lost the option of keeping him home for any extra days.  So instead, we left the US on Tuesday, arrived in Vienna on Wednesday, and B went back to school on Thursday.  (L, who is still in preschool, can miss pretty much as much as we want, so he did stay home until the following Monday.)

We were all exhausted and felt totally dysfunctional.

The frist night we were back, L woke up 3 times overnight.  The first time, I had no idea where I was and was worried I was going to wake my mom . . . who was still awake, because she was at home in Maryland.  At 1:10 in the morning, B got up, out of bed, on his own (which is odd for him in any circumstances — he usually waits for us to come and tell him it’s time to get up), went through the entirely dark house to the living room, turned on all the lights, scared himself with thoughts of a giant, sinister snowman, and came running into our room crying.  It took 2 hours to get him back to sleep.

After that charming night’s sleep, I found I had forgotten how to do EVERYTHING.  I couldn’t remember how to pack B’s snack for school.  I couldn’t remember how to get the boys dressed and out the door in any reasonable kind of time.  I couldn’t remember what time I needed to leave the house to pick B up on time.  And I certainly couldn’t remember how to communicate in German.  My first attempt at post-vacation German resulted in the coffee guy immediately failing over to English despite my continued attempts to communicate in German.

It’s always a bumpy road back to “normal” after a long trip away.  And sleep deprivation never helped anyone adjust any faster.  Next time, I will do whatever I can to NOT have us jump right back into things as soon as we get back!

B’s first day of first grade

He was so excited last night that I was worried he wouldn’t be able sleep.  But he was so worn out from the thrill of his orientation yesterday that it wasn’t an issue — he was out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.  First thing this morning, he was up with a big smile, and the first thing he said was, “Today is the big day!”  Which was shortly followed by, “It’s going to be awesome today!”

Today is B’s first day of first grade.

He did so great getting ready this morning.  We had breakfast, watched a little tv, and got dressed for school.  Inside, I was freaking out, but I did my best to stay calm — I didn’t want to mess up his cheerful enthusiasm.  He was so excited and so proud!  And I was so excited and proud for him.

photoBut then, I tried to get a good “first day of school” picture.  He was too excited to stand still, and then Liam saw the Scultüte we were about to give to B sitting on the bench, which led to more excitement on B’s part and tears from Liam (despite reassurances that Liam’s Schultüte will be ready for him on his first day, which is next week).  Dan was consoling Liam and B was bouncing around with his Schultüte and it was getting later by the minute and I just wanted one non-blurry, no tears picture where he was actually smiling before they had to leave for school … and I got a little grouchy trying to get it.  (Which I instantly regretted, because REALLY?!?  Much as the pictures are cute, the first day of school is NOT about getting a great picture.  Great job, me.  Sigh.)  And I felt pretty much like a crappy mom at that point.

photo2But he was still in good spirits, and after lots of hugs and kisses, he and Dan were out the door and on their way.  And I channeled all of my certainty that I am an awful mom who just ruined my boy’s first day into a big ball of heartache and spent the next half an hour sobbing while Liam played on the iPad and looked at me warily out of the corner of his eye.

I wasn’t just crying just for screwing up this morning by being worried about the wrong part of the first day, but for every misstep and fumbled opportunity I’ve had in the past 6 years, 1 month and 7 days.  I was crying for every time that I’ve snapped at B because we were late, or been impatient with a question, or been short-tempered because there was something I was trying to get done.  There have been so many times that I’ve lost sight of the big picture and gotten frustrated or overwhelmed by unimportant details.  And I was crying, photo3truly, because those are all moments that I can’t get back.  In fact, I can’t get any of them back — the good moments or the bad ones.  Seeing my little guy head off to school this morning was an awesome reminder of how precious ALL of those moments are.  I was overwhelmed by how quickly the time passes, and by how many things that don’t matter end up getting in the way of what really, truly does.

My half hour of regret and self-pity finished, as these things so often do, with desperate prayer (and with writing, because that’s how I exorcise these things).  Please, God, help me to be a better mother.  And, God, please just take care of my baby.  I don’t actually care about anything else.

And then Liam and I had a lovely morning together.  We played and went to the park, we had lunch and he took a nap.  And the whole day, B has been on my mind.  I do wish I’d kept my perspective this morning and had a more positive attitude, but … I didn’t.  And while he’ll never have another first day of first grade, there will be many other firsts, and many other chances for me to keep my focus on the truly important things.

B’s still at school, so I don’t yet know how his day has gone, but I can almost guarantee that it WAS awesome today.  I know he was awesome.  And my day will be super awesome when I get to give him a great big hug.

Bad luck

I’ve never heard anything like it.  There was a loud pop and the shatter of breaking glass, a moment of stillness, and then a second, floor-shaking, monumental crash that followed.  I had no idea what it was, but I didn’t look around.  We were all in the living room.  I ran to the kids and wrapped them in my arms.  Whatever it had been, they were safer right where they were than anywhere else.

As it turns out, the massive, gilt-wood framed mirror that hung in our dining room had fallen.  There was glass everywhere.  Our dining room floor was covered in jagged tiny pieces.  It was a complete mess.

photo 6

This doesn’t quite do it justice. We’d already started cleaning at this point (the vase was mostly disposed of, for example). It really doesn’t look quite right in the pictures.

The kids did great.  I closed them in the living room, put on the TV, attempted to impress upon them how vital it was that they not leave the room, and went to assist Dan with the cleanup.  It’s one of those jobs where there is no good place to start.  You just have to start picking at the edges and hope that it gets less overwhelming as you progress (which it did).  The mirror had fallen on a vase (a gift from my sister) which had been holding our Osterbaum, the boys’ Easter baskets, and a pile of papers, drawings and unopened mail that had not been sorted in much too long.  The vase shattering under the weight of the falling 40-50 lb mirror was the first sound we had heard.  Then all of that tipped onto the parquet floor which, though vacuumed earlier in the day, had toys strewn on it.  What a mess.

To my great and pleasant surprise, the actual Easter baskets survived, even though they, too, must have caught part of the weight of the mirror directly (points to Pottery Barn for sturdiness).  The eggs (all of the real ones and several of the plastic ones) and candy were mostly a loss (poor chocolate bunnies) and at least one of the fluffy chicks inhabiting a basket was beheaded.  The beautiful, fancy, hand-painted Austrian Easter eggs we’ve collected since our arrival here were mostly destroyed.  A few were basically vaporized — only spots of sparkly dust and a few sad, squished ribbons remained.  Most were just horribly broken.  Three were damaged but sound enough to keep.  I kept pieces of 3 others that were intact enough to hang again … more or less.

photo 8I dealt with the Easter carnage while Dan broke down the remains of the frame and starting dealing with the broken glass.  There was SO MUCH glass.  There were big, jagged triangles and long vicious-looking shards, plus all of the teeny, tiny bits and the pieces that had become little more than dust.  (Plus a lot of glitter from the destroyed eggs — and it’s very hard to tell glass dust from glitter.)  It took 2 hours, but we got everything cleaned up.  The kids patiently watched TV while we worked.  Our floor hasn’t been this clean in a while.

As it turns out, that huge, heavy, ornate mirror was hung with TWINE, which apparently broke.  It was just a question of time.  I’m kind of horrified at the way it was hung — we’d never looked at it, because it was MASSIVE, and it came with the apartment and had hung there for years without event.  We completely took it for granted.

We were so lucky.  We were running late, but we should have been eating dinner, or at least setting the table, at the time that it fell.  We weren’t.  We were all hanging out in the living room.  But the kids play in the spot where it fell, all the time.  Bailey lays there, often.  We walk back and forth past that spot dozens of times every day.  It is, quite literally, in one of the highest traffic spots in our whole house.  We are so lucky that no one was seriously hurt (or worse).  As it was, it was a huge pain, and a complete disruption to our typical Saturday evening, but no permanent damage was done, except to the mirror and some eggs (which I will miss).  Dan even managed to avoid injuring himself with the glass, which is beyond impressive to me.  All is well, we are all safe.  We’re down one huge mirror, but I’m just so, so glad that it wasn’t a much more awful story to tell.

Judgypants — My Messy Beautiful

We’ve been living abroad, here in Vienna, Austria, for 3 years now, but there are still SO MANY little day-to-day things that can be a challenge.  It’s these little everyday things that can trip me up the most.  My mom has always told me, “You don’t trip over Mt. Everest”, and she’s right — I am usually prepared to handle big things, but the little things can easily make or break my day.

I think, as with so much that I’ve learned while living abroad, this has always been true, I’m just more aware of it now.  These days, we so often get by on little kindnesses — someone being patient with our awkward German or smiling at us as we blunder through an unfamiliar social interaction — and our fragile comfort zone can be so easily damaged by the opposite — impatience, unkindness or a lack of understanding.

Last April, I had one of these not-so-great interactions with an Austrian.  (Though most of our interactions with the locals here have been overwhelmingly positive.)  I had just taken the kids to get their latest set of vaccines.  We’d had to skip nap time to make the appointment, and I was happily surprised and quite relieved that both boys had handled themselves so well.  We were on the tram, headed home, and enjoying the ride — talking to each other, commenting on what we saw out the window, asking and answering questions.  Normal mom stuff with a 2 year old and a 4 year old.  I was truly present in the moment, enjoying my kids, and we were all happy to be headed home.

Here they are, waiting for the tram. So sweet!

And then, quite suddenly, an older man near the front of the tram car stood up and started shouting at us.  It would have been unsettling regardless, but since Austrians are typically exceedingly quiet on trams and trains, it was particularly shocking.  The entire tram car fell silent and stared as he told us off, in irate German (extra angry-sounding points for that) for making entirely too much noise, before departing the train at the next stop, shouting as he went.

I was mortified.  I was also genuinely surprised and immediately defensive.  My kids had not been particularly loud (seriously, by American standards we were using almost library volume voices) and this man had been sitting dozens of feet away from us.  What was his problem?!?  My fellow tram riders gave me sympathetic looks and glared after him in commiseration, but still, behind my embarrassment and bruised ego, I felt entirely defeated.  Here, in this moment which I’d thought had been going so well, I felt suddenly reminded of how out of place we were, of how easy it was for us to be inappropriate, and of how poorly we were fitting in.  I felt so judged, and like such a failure.

In truth, I was also pretty pissed.  My kids were behaving, being happy, and no louder than the ambient noise on the strassenbahn, which creaks and squeaks as it makes its way through the streets.  If my German had been better, I would have told HIM off in return.  (So there!)  How dare he!  He doesn’t know us or our situation.  I immediately started creating dramatic scenarios we could be suffering through (but weren’t) that fueled my feelings of indignation.  What if this were my first time out with my kids alone ever?  What if one of us suffered from agoraphobia or social anxiety and just being on the strassenbahn was a victory?  What if we had suffered some kind of trauma or loss and it was our first happy conversation in months?  None of those things are true in our case, but it IS true that being out with both kids, on public transportation, in a country where I am an outsider and have trouble communicating is a major challenge.  Keeping both kids relatively quiet and happy is a major achievement, and he had just crapped on it.  I was hurt, I was angry, and I was instantly critical him for not being more thoughtful before he opened his big, angry mouth.  I put on a brave face for the kids, who were looking to me to see how to react.  I shrugged it off and went back to discussing things outside the window, but in my head, I fantasized about all of the nasty things I wished I could have said.

And then, as I obsessed over it, I was suddenly struck by a realization – I was judging him, too.  Maybe *he* has trouble being out in public.  Maybe *he* recently suffered a loss.  Maybe he is old and bitter and alone and the sound of children laughing is like nails on a chalkboard to him.  Maybe he once lost a child, or a grandchild, and my children being happy was painful for him.  Or maybe not.  Maybe he was having a bad day.  Maybe he got some bad news, or was in bad health, or was exhausted from taking care of someone or stressed about his finances.  I don’t know.  Any or all of those could be true.  (Or he could just be a big, old, Austrian grumpypants.)

Regardless, it’s no more my place to judge him or to lash out in anger than it was appropriate for him to shush us out of his own personal frustrations or issues.  And yet . . . I pass judgement on others all the time (both good and bad):  I like her hair, I think he’s fat, I wonder what she was thinking when she put that outfit on this morning, I think that dad is clueless because he’s letting his kid get away with something.  I judge, ALL THE TIME.

I don’t know anyone else’s situation.  And, sitting on that tram, I realized that not only is passing judgement on others thoughtless and unkind, it absolutely bounces back and ends up hurting me, too.  When I judge someone else positively, I will feel (today, or one day in the future, maybe on a day when I don’t have it all together … like most of the days) like I don’t measure up to that standard I judged them against.  When I judge someone harshly, I will feel inadequate and ashamed later when I find myself failing to live up to that same standard.  Even the judgements I feel the most entitled to don’t serve any good purpose in my life.  We all have tough days.  MANY of my days over the past 3 years have been tough, and I’ve failed against all kinds of personal standards in ways I thought I would never allow to happen.  Things change.  Life is hard.  Nobody is perfect.

I think it’s part of why I carry so much guilt as a parent — because before I was a parent, I passed judgements about other parents.  I *knew* what I would do or say or how I would handle certain situations or behaviors.  I would *never* do this, that, or the other and would *always* do something else.  And then, when it was my turn, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WENT HOW I EXPECTED, I constantly heard my own voice echoing in my head, judging and criticizing my choices.  And I naturally assume that everyone else is constantly thinking those things too.

Parenting is hard.  Nothing in my life has taken me so quickly off of my high horse of “always” and “never” than having a child (except maybe for having the second one).  Living in a foreign country is hard, too.  And people ARE judging me.  I get stuff wrong all the time.  As a parent, as an expat, as a human being.  I make mistakes ALL THE TIME.  Like EVERY day.  And what I’ve learned in 5+ years as a parent and 3+ years as an expat is that every single thing I do is going to be “wrong” in someone’s eyes.  EVERY SINGLE THING.  People didn’t like that we used disposable diapers and others wouldn’t have liked it if we’d used cloth diapers.  To some people, it was wrong for me to breastfeed my kids in public and to others it was wrong when I would choose not to (it’s also wrong to not cover up and wrong if I did).  There are people who think that moving abroad was the best choice ever and people who think we’re heartlessly selfish for subjecting our kids to this.  Everything I do, from what I feed my kids to what I dress them in to what time I put them to bed to what I let them watch (or don’t) on tv will be wrong to someone.  I have gotten crap for taking my kids shopping in the stroller because it makes the store too crowded, but if I don’t bring the stroller, someone will be upset because one of the kids touched something they shouldn’t have or sat down in the aisle and refused to walk another step.  People roll their eyes when one of my kids is crying on the train and they roll their eyes when I give them a cracker to stave off the crying.  There is just no way to “win” the judgement game, except to choose not to play.

And, like the grumpy guy on the strassenbhan, the judgements people pass on me are ALWAYS a reflection of their own personal story, not of mine.  So, thanks, angry strassenbahn man from a year ago.  You gave me some much needed perspective.  It was an unexpected gift that I’m not sure you meant to give.  (Thanks anyway, though.)

This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, CLICK HERE!

Time travel

I hate Daylight Saving Time.

Well, I do kind of like that the sun doesn’t rise at 3:30 in the morning in June.  And I do like having extra light in the evenings to run, or go for a walk, or stop by the playground.  But the switch from “standard” to “saving” time apparently makes my entire family crazy.

It doesn’t just feel like we moved our clocks ahead by an hour, it feels like we travelled back in time 6 months (or more).  We all make progress, all the time — the kids grow up, learn to do and handle new things while I try to work on myself, improve my perspective and weed out bad habits and thought processes.  The last 36 hours (we just had our time change this past weekend here in Europe) have been like stepping back to last summer or fall, and not in a good way.

Liam has been throwing more tantrums.  Liam has been throwing more toys.  Liam has been throwing more food.  (There’s been a lot of throwing.)  Liam has been hitting Benjamin, Dan & I — not something we’ve gotten rid of entirely, but something we had made massive progress on in the past few months.  Liam, who recently transitioned to not wearing diapers at all during school hours, refused to leave the house without one this morning and had a crying meltdown at preschool drop off.  Benjamin has been tearful over his toys.  Benjamin has been tearful over the arrangement of his pillows and blankets.  Benjamin has been tearful (and angry) about pretty much every single thing Liam has done in the past day and a half.  Both kids seem to have forgotten how to listen.  And I have handled all of this with hard-won wisdom and maturity — I’ve screamed, threatened, begged and cried.  Let me just say — it has been a massively charming day and a half around here.

I suppose it’s possible that it’s a complete coincidence and we all just woke up in terrible moods and without any flexibility yesterday morning.  Maybe we’re coming down with something.  Maybe there’s just something in the air.  I mean, how could one little shifted hour wreak so much havoc?  This feels like jet lag on steroids.  We’re all out of patience, empathy, maturity and resilience here right now.  Fingers crossed that we get through this transition QUICKLY, and with a whole new appreciation for the progress we’ve all made over the past few months after this temporary reminder of how far we’ve come.

Lost luggage

It was bound to happen eventually — after 9 or so international journeys (I’m losing count) our luggage was lost on our trip to the UK. It’s easy to see how it happened. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time, and we got to the gate without a problem. Then, just at boarding time, our flight disappeared from the monitoring screen at the gate — never a good sign. Then “all passengers connecting to London” (us, plus a woman named Dorothy) were called up to the desk. Our flight was delayed, and the airline was worried about us missing our connection, so we were rebooked on another airline, connecting through Cologne. We were assured our luggage would be rerouted, too, and of course we were only ACTUALLY booked from Vienna to Cologne, but we had to go “right now” to make our flight, and so we did.

We were only booked standby on our new flight, and although we got seats, they weren’t together. But while the first person I asked to switch so B and I could sit together actually said no (Dan worked out seating for himself and Liam), another passenger switched with me, and yet another switched so that B could have a window seat, and all was well.

Until THAT flight was delayed by about 45 minutes, which resulted, after a trip to the check-in counter for another booking, in a flat-out “Home Alone” style sprint through the Cologne airport while they actually held the plane at the gate for us while we got through security and passport control. Of course, we didn’t have seats together on that flight either, and the plane was literally backing away from the gate while we sorted things out. (Again, one person gave up their seat so B & I could be together while another volunteered to switch so that B, who wasn’t even whining, could have the window. People are awesome.)

So, sweaty and exhausted, we made it onto a plane bound for Stansted airport, and, 2 hours later than we’d planned, we finally arrived. But our luggage did not. So there we were, day 1 of an 18 day trip, with two kids, no bags and an early morning flight the next morning to Edinburgh (after which we planned to rent a car and drive 3 hours further away).

On the bright side, everyone we talked to from the airline was thoroughly helpful. Also, we didn’t have much luggage to drag to our hotel. And, I got to do a bit of unplanned shopping for the family at a mall outside of Edinburgh. By late the next evening, our bags had been located, and, with our carry on stuff, the fruits of our shopping excursion, and the kids’ clothes kindly lent to us by our bed & breakfast hosts (who have a 4 year old son), we barely missed a beat of our vacation. Both suitcases were delivered on the fourth day of our trip, safe & sound. (Never have I been so glad to see old socks.)

Our trip is going wonderfully (lost luggage aside), but we fly to Ireland tomorrow, and I can’t help over-thinking every single thing I pack in our carry on — instead of packing light and taking just what we need for the trip, I feel a little like I’m packing the carry on for wilderness survival for a week. We managed quite well for being without our bags for about 72 hours, but I’d really rather not do it again . . . especially not on this same trip.

The Orange Rhino project

Sometimes I have a hard time not losing my temper with my kids.  In my case, that usually means getting fed up, irritated, overwhelmed and then saying something that I wish I hadn’t.  It’s one thing when that comes from something frustrating, irritating, rude or just plain annoying that the kids are actually doing, but I have found, so often, that the root cause of my bad mood comes from something or somewhere or someone else, and it just comes out in the direction of my kids.  And I find that unacceptable — there’s no reason I ought to use my kids as a place to vent my bad temper.  I am not proud of it, and, in fact, I’ve spent a lot of energy since becoming a parent trying to figure out how not to do it.  I’ve improved a lot, but I still stray over the line from constructive discipline to throwing a bit of a tantrum myself sometimes.

I’ve learned about the kinds of things that give me a short fuse:  not getting enough sleep, getting too hungry, not showering, not using the bathroom when I need to.  Basically, if I don’t take care of myself, it’s hard for me to take care of my kids.  Being in a bad state myself means I can’t handle normal kid stuff in a good parent kind of way.  So, I make that a priority.  But that isn’t the whole picture.  I snap at my kids more often when I’m angry at someone else — Dan, the landlord, someone who was rude to me on the bus — it could be anyone.  Being angry at another adult, and not addressing it, puts me in a prime situation to lose my temper with my kids (which is totally not cool).

I don’t want to be a mom that can’t handle her own emotions like a grown up.  I don’t want to be a mom that says something too harsh or too critical, and who says it too loudly or too angrily.  When I do, I feel terrible.  It hurts my kids.  I apologize, and I know that helps, but it doesn’t erase it.  And, when I lose my temper, it negates any reasonable consequence I might have imposed for a legitimately inappropriate behavior on their part — the focus becomes on my anger instead of on what they’re doing.  And then, not only am I being a crappy mom in that moment, no one is learning anything.

I’m working on it.  I’m all about self-improvement.  But I’ve had a surprisingly difficult time getting helpful advice on this.  It’s hard to talk about.  There isn’t really a good time to say, “You know, my kids make me crazy, but it’s not always really my kids.  Sometimes I’m just tired or overwhelmed and I snap at the kids and it makes us all feel terrible” during a playdate.  I’m ashamed and embarrassed that I get angry with my kids.  And, I have to assume that other people feel the same way, because I don’t think I’m the only mom who struggles with this, and no one else is talking about it, either.  I think that normal, reasonable, generally kind moms don’t like to admit that they lose their temper (in whatever way it manifests for them) with their kids.  But I’m a good mom, and I do, so I figure other good moms do, too.  Since it’s hard for me to admit, it’s something I don’t really talk about, and I just try, really hard, not to do it.  (Which doesn’t seem to be working all that well.)

I don’t think I have to be a “perfect” parent — I think there are always going to be things that kids do to inspire frustration, irritation or anger in their parents.  And I actually think that’s a good thing — sometimes, when you do something you shouldn’t, people get mad.  Life is like that.  And I even think it’s ok for the kids to see the process of a parent being inappropriately upset, recognizing it, apologizing for it and correcting it — that’s how they’ll learn to manage those situations themselves.  But I lose my cool too often about the wrong things for the wrong reasons, and I want to do better.

A few days ago, I read an essay that a friend linked to on Facebook.  And it struck a nerve.  I’m not a yeller — I rarely raise my voice with my kids (except when one of them is doing something dangerous, in which case I do tend to shriek a bit, but that doesn’t actually bother me).  I doubt that the kind of anger I have would result in my kids being afraid of me (but I can’t guarantee it).  I think, instead, that the kind of overwhelmed, “That’s it!  I’ve had it!  I just don’t care!  I can’t do this!” kind of moments that I have could hurt their self-esteem, make them feel responsible for taking care of me, and undermine their confidence that I will take care of them.  And I don’t want that.  What she said gave me hope, because she used to yell at her kids, and she learned not to.  I want to learn to improve myself, too, I just don’t know how.  At the end of her article, the author linked to The Orange Rhino.  And I started reading.  She sounds a lot like me.  And she felt just as crappy about losing her temper with her kids as I do.  And, most importantly, she made a committment to herself and her kids to not yell for an entire year . . . and she did it.

And I want to do it, too.  I can only imagine the kind of example I could set for my kids, and the kind of comfort and confidence I could give them if, in the next year, I only got upset about reasonable things and only at a reasonable level.  Besides, I would feel great.  I would actually *love* to have a bad day that didn’t end with me being a big meanie.  How great would that be?  How much better would we ALL feel?  She’s just a mom that wanted to do better for her kids, and I am too.  And after reading a bunch of pages on her site, I thought, “Oh, if she can do that, I totally can too” and I went away, feeling inspired.  And 24 hours later, I lost my temper again.  (We were taking Bailey outside, and Benjamin was leaning on a grumpy neighbors car, and I kind of freaked out about it — “What are you doing?  Come over here!  Right now!  Don’t do that!” when I could have just said, “Oops!  No touching other people’s cars.  Let’s go over here . . . “)

And so I went back to the site, feeling less arrogant and more humble, looking for more advice and inspiration.  And I saw that she’s redoing a month long “yell less” project for moms who want to parent better.  And, perfect timing — it starts next week.

So, I signed up.  It starts Monday.  So, just in case there are any other good moms out there who sometimes lose their tempers with their kids and wish that they didn’t, you’re not alone.  And I have no idea if this will help, but I’m willing to give anything a try.

Meditations on a bad day as a mom

The logical part of my brain knows that I’m not the only mom who has bad days.  I don’t mean “the kids watched TV all day and the dishes didn’t get done” bad days, but “I fell apart/cried/screamed at my kids today” bad days or “I feel like a failure as a mother” bad days or “how could I have said that to my kids” bad days.  It stands to reason that if I, a kind, loving, caring, attentive, semi-organized, thoughtful mother can have days like that, then most likely the other moms I know who are also kind, loving, caring, attentive, semi-organized and thoughtful must have days like that, too.  At least, most of them.

Or maybe it’s only a few.  Maybe I’m actually the only one.  Although my wiser mind tells me that I can’t be, the fearful part of my brain tells me that I might be.  I might be the only one.  I might be the only one who doesn’t handle the stress gracefully.  The only one who gets overwhelmed.  The only one who has ever taken out anger and frustration meant for someone else in the direction of one of my kids.  The only one who has ever said anything to one of my kids which shocked me and reduced me to tears.  Maybe it’s just me.

But in case it’s not, on this day, which was a tough one for me — on a day when I let my irritation that came from dealing with grown up things come out towards my kids, on a day when I cried when I should have been comforting and when I growled when I should have been patient — I’m going to share some of the things that help me on days like these.  I didn’t write them down with the intention of sharing them, I wrote them down with the intention of remembering them.  I don’t usually remember these things until after — after I’ve gotten angry, or snapped at the kids, or raised my voice, or imposed an unreasonable consequence, or broken down in tears, or issued a threat instead of choice.

  • I am a good mom.
  • I am doing the best I can, and so are my kids.
  • There is nothing more important than being kind.
  • I have to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep a good attitude.
  • I am almost never actually angry with the kids.  I’m probably actually exhausted/stressed/irritated/frustrated/angry at something else entirely.
  • This (whatever it is) is only going to last for a moment.
  • Don’t ruin all the good moments with one crappy one.
  • NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT than taking good care of my kids.  Not chores.  Not exercise.  Not Dan.  Not my to do list.  Not philosophy or discipline.  Not keeping my temper or behaving “properly” towards other adults.  NOTHING.
  • Whatever I’m in the middle of, I can take a breath and count to 10.  Or eat a piece of chocolate.  Or drink a cup of coffee.  Whatever “it” is will still be there.
  • Hugs and kisses help almost any situation.
  • If I keep calm, there might be space for a learning moment here, but if I fall apart, there probably isn’t.

These are the things that I wish I could remember BEFORE.  I never think of them until after, and they don’t help as much then.  Today was a rough day.  I wasn’t the mom that I am capable of being.  Tomorrow I’ll get up and try again.  Maybe having written them down will help me next time, or maybe it’ll help another mom who has bad days.

One of those days

Today was just one of those days.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’re going out of town tomorrow (which always brings on some stress) or the fact that this is just the second day that we’ve been back in our daily routine since mid-December (and there’s bound to be some adjustment to that), but for the first few hours this morning, it felt like everything was going wrong.  Actually, to be more specific, it felt like every decision I made was wrong, was always going to be wrong and that I was ruining the children’s lives.  One of THOSE days.

Liam’s going through a needy phase right now, so he wanted to hold my hand as I got Benjamin ready for school.  The entire time.  Which is very sweet (there’s no way to say no to that) but makes it a little challenging to get out the door.  Then, of course, when it came time for B & I to leave for school, Liam was sad that we were leaving at all.  He wanted B to stay home, he wanted me to stay home.  He was not a happy guy.

Benjamin and I had a very pleasant ride to school.  But then, we got to school and everything fell apart.  He made a drawing yesterday, which he wanted to show me.  He hadn’t put it away in his drawer (where these things are supposed to go if the kids want them to be saved), so he couldn’t find it.  So he just fell apart.  Crying, screaming, clinging to my legs, hiding behind me.  The teachers told him they’d help him make a new one, told him they’d help him look for the old one, offered hugs.  Nothing worked.  He was inconsolable.  The teachers worked on getting him interested in making another drawing while I slipped out and headed home.

And then, as soon as I walked out the door, I second-guessed every decision I had made this morning.  Maybe I should have brought Liam with me to school?  Maybe I should have stayed at school until B settled down?  What was I thinking?  Why did I keep abandoning my tormented children?  Why was I ruining their lives by having dragged them to this far-away country where life is so flipping hard?!?

And then, I took a breath, got myself together, and realized that nothing awful actually happened today.  Liam misses me when I take B to school.  Well, I understand that — I miss him, too.  But he doesn’t have to go through the sub-freezing weather, with a cold, to drop B off at school.  That’s a good thing.  And even if it makes him sad, I think it’s a good decision.

B lost his drawing.  Sometimes that happens when things don’t get put away.  I sympathize with his disappointment and frustration, but these things happen.  Sometimes you search and find the old one, sometimes you give up and make a new one.  Either way, these are the things that help to teach us to take care of things we don’t want to lose.  It’s a life lesson.  Frustrating and sad, but not tragic.

And none of these things have anything to do with living in Austria.  We would be going through the same challenges wherever we were living.  If I was lucky enough to have a babysitter for Liam, I’d probably take B to school and let Liam stay home and play.  And he’d miss me and be sad, but I’d still probably think it was the right idea.  And B would have drawings that he didn’t put away in the right place and which got lost.  It’s not that he doesn’t understand where it goes, he just didn’t put it there.  He’s 4.  That’s how it goes.

We’ve been here almost 2 years now, and we still have days like this.  Of course we do.  These days don’t come from living in Austria, they just come from living.  My ability to doubt myself, my decisions and my ability as a mother doesn’t spring from my geography.  It’s just me, being insecure and wanting everything to go well.  I’m wasting the same energy here worrying if I’m making all the wrong decisions that I would wherever I was living.  I realize that I’m going to make some bad decisions sometimes, but I need to remember to think about it like B and his drawing — sometimes we make a wrong decision, and then we learn something from it, and we do things differently next time.  That’s it.  It’s not a big deal, it’s just life.

And our stories today all have happy endings, anyway.  When I got home, Liam was thrilled to see me, but he had spent lots of happy time playing with Jo.  B’s teacher found his drawing AND they made another one, besides.  Life is good.  Things are good.  Not every single moment is, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing everything wrong.

Stuck in an elevator

I was having a grumpy day today.  No particular reason — I’d been feeling lethargic all day, even though I have a long list of things to do, and that combination wasn’t putting me in a good mood.  Then, this afternoon, Liam refused to take a nap, meaning I got to spend 2 hours trying to keep him quiet enough to let Benjamin nap — not an easy task, since he seems to want to turn every toy in the house into a percussion instrument of some kind, and he’s also in a major phase of not wanting to be restrained — kicking, flailing, throwing his head around, scratching.  A charming way to spend a few hours on a day when I already was in an unpleasant mood.

Late this afternoon, I was feeling a little frazzled, and decided that getting out of the house and going for a walk would be just the thing to get my mind back in the right place — besides, Liam would be confined to the stroller, so it would, at least, be the first break I’d get from wrestling him today.  It was a good idea, but the process of getting myself and both boys ready to go nearly sent me over the edge.  I was literally growling at both of them by the time I got Liam strapped into the stroller and Benjamin’s shoes velcroed onto his feet.

But, at last, we were out the door, in the elevator, on our way out.  As we descended, I breathed a sigh of relief in anticipation of my refreshing walk.  And then, we stopped.  The elevator stopped, which is great (beats the alternative) but then the doors didn’t open.  Uh-oh.  I pressed the ground floor button, I pressed the door open button.  I pressed every button the elevator has . . . repeatedly.  Nothing.

Much as this might seem to be a “straw that broke the camel’s back” moment, it really wasn’t.  The second I was confronted with something ACTUALLY being wrong (as opposed to my general grumpiness, which wasn’t brought on by anything) everything got better.  In the moment that I realized we were stuck, I became focused on taking care of my kids — I became a mom, instead of a grumpy, tired, put upon 35 year old.

Benjamin started out ok, but got progressively more anxious in the moments after figuring out that not all was well.  (Liam seemed fine for the duration.)  Benjamin offered several helpful suggestions (for example, “Just push the buttons, Mommy”) and when I explained that I’d already tried that and it wasn’t working, he started to get upset and cry.

I sent Dan a text to let him know what was going on, I set up my phone for Benjamin to play a game, and I waited.  I waved at Liam, I smiled at Benjamin, I watched him play his game.  Dan took care of getting the building caretaker on the phone and over to us (impressive, as this man speaks not a word of English) and he, in turn, took care of getting us out in pretty short order.  (There was a slightly stressful moment where I guess he turned the power off, because it got VERY dark — I think he tried to warn us what he was doing, but I didn’t understand, so the complete darkness came as a surprise.)

We were in there for less than 10 minutes.  Although it ostensibly seems like it should have been the most stressful part of my day, it was actually the best thing that could have happened to me.  It completely got me out of my bad mood — reset my mind and got me thinking about what was really important.  We went on a lovely walk, and even Benjamin (who is very sensitive to stress) had a pleasant evening with no ill effects (he even suggested we try the elevator on the way home, which surprised me).

Being stuck in an elevator with my two kids saved my day.  I would never have asked to add that to my experiences of the day, but it turns out it was just what I needed.  It’s funny how often that happens.


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Feasibility Study

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Source: psdtuts.comAn essential component of the turnkey solution is the Feasibility Study.  The success of any project is based on how solid and accurate its underlying business plan is.  This is particularly the case when it comes to establishing a school, where meticulous and thorough evaluation of the project’s economic, environmental, operational, technical, and financial elements are essential.   Coupled with the project's requirements in reflecting the heritage of the region, the needs of the community and the individuality of the investor, such an analysis allows decision makers to obtain relevant and reliable information in order to make informed choices about the specifications and scope of the venture - from campus size and facilities, to academic programs, to managerial systems, to marketing and positioning strategy, and to the required investment.

Prior to embarking on the path of establishing a school, the Feasibility Study is carried out in close coordination with the client in order to achieve the mutually agreed objectives within an estimated timeframe.  Based on AMSI’s internationally recognized methods of best practice, and supported by thorough demographic and economic research data, the study is guaranteed to ensure that the interests of the project’s stakeholders are met.  Ultimately, the Feasibility Study provides the client with an essential guide to increase the project’s financial efficiency and maintain a low level of risk.

Scope of the Feasibility Analysis
The Feasibility Study serves as a complete project plan that covers all essential elements of establishing a K-12 school, including a five-year financial forecast.  By contracting international market research companies to conduct extensive field research and analysis of the country's education sector, as well as the demographic and socio-economic status of the residents of the proposed area, AMSI is able to structure a positioning strategy - in terms of school size, curriculum, and tuition - that will ensure the sustainability and growth of the new school among other competitors within the area.  The market research data is essential to the process of forecasting expected student enrolment numbers, upon which the financial projections are built.

In general terms, the elements of the feasibility analysis for a project covers the following:

  • Need Analysis: Pertinent questions that should be asked include:
    • Is the need for a private school significant enough to justify the proposed project?
    • Will the need still exist by the time the project is completed?
    • What are the economic, social, and environmental impacts of this need?
  • Work Process: The work process requirements of the project.
  • Facilities and Services: A detailed technical study of the proposed project.
  • Cost Estimate: Estimating project cost to an acceptable level of accuracy.
  • Financial Analysis: An analysis of the cash flow profile of the project.
  • Conclusions and Recommendations: Overall outcome of the project analysis.

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Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Book Review: Endlessly by Kiersten White

*Warning: This review may contain spoilers from the first two books in the series*
Title: Endlessly
Author: Kiersten White
Release Date: July 24, 2012
Publisher: Harper Collins
Source: Personal Copy (E-book)
Rating: 5 Bleeping Lipsticks!

"Evie's paranormal past keeps coming back to haunt her. A new director at the International Paranormal Containment Agency wants to drag her back to headquarters. The Dark Faerie Queen is torturing humans in her poisonous realm. And supernatural creatures keep insisting that Evie is the only one who can save them from a mysterious, perilous fate.

The clock is ticking on the entire paranormal world. And its fate rests solely in Evie's hands.

So much for normal."

I did not want to read this book. I cleaned my house, to avoid reading it. I went for a jog, I cleaned out my cats litter box, I looked around for old school workbooks to work on. But Endlessly was still there waiting for me when I was done.

So I sat down-Kobo in one hand, coke in the other- and began (Reluctantly) to read this book. Now, why did I do everything in my power to not read Endlessly? Is it because I hated the first two books? No- I loved them!. Is it because the author has a horrible writing style? Gosh no- Quite the opposite in fact! Is it because I hated the characters? Never! Who could hate Lend and Evie? Then why didn't I want to read this book? Because I didn't want this story to end.

The title gives it all away, this is the last book. This is the end for Evie. This. Is. It. And I dreaded reading the last sentence that would be told in Evie's point of view, the last time that we would ever be able to get inside of Evie's head.

It's a weird way to look at it- I know. Who wouldn't want to read another book in a series that they love? Well, me. But that just shows what an amazing author Kiersten White is! She gets you so attached to the characters, so involved with them, that you never want to leave them!

But alas, all good things come to an end. So I read the last book in the Supernaturally series, and when I closed the book- I found myself with tears streaming down my face, and an empty coke can beside me.

Were these happy tears? Yes and no. Since this is the last book, you say goodbye to a lot of characters. A lot of characters. And not a goodbye like "Goodbye, I'm done with the book so I'll never read about you again", a goodbye like "Goodbye, you're leaving both me and all the other characters lives forever.". It's an intense goodbye.

But at the same time, you're crying because you're happy. Happy that some of the characters got the happy (To much usage of the word happy... Note to self: Find synonym's for the word happy) ending that they had been dreaming about since we had first entered their lives.

Before I get into the actual aspects of the plot of this book and the writing style- Let's judge this book by the cover. How bleeping gorgeous is that cover? I have to say, I think that purple looks great on our little 'Evie' up there. And she is just gorgeous, but definitely not how I imagined her. But that's okay, since I'm sure that I'm not the only one.

Now, onto the book! In this book, there is a lot of twist and turns a.k.a sub-plots. The main plot: The paranormals want Evie to open up a gate, just like she did in the last book. Only this time, all of the paranormals want to go through the gate and leave the mortal realm behind- going back to their home (Where they came from before they were banished to Earth). And the only one who can open it? You guessed it. Evie.

Then there's that Anne lady, who is the new director at IPCA. And this Anne lady keeps trying to bag and tag Evie, saying that she breached tons of IPCA laws- what's with that? To be honest, I find this Anne lady rather annoying- like a giant fly that keeps getting in your way.

Finally we finish our book-reliving-tour at the Dark Queen. She's trying to make more Empty Ones like Evie, which is bothering Evie to the extreme. Watching those poor mortal girls (Who are also pregnant) suffer in the faerie realms? Of course that would bother Evie- Especially since she knows that her mother must have gone through exactly what those girls are going through.

A lot happens in this book. A. Lot. And I loved every moment of it. Kiersten White seems to fit all these different sub-plots into the story with out making it seem crammed and rushed. She did it quite perfectly actually.

This book takes on a much more serious tone than the others. It still has that lighthearted and humorous writing style that we have all grown to love and treasure through the past two books. You'll still find yourself laughing- but just not as much. Instead there's way more scenes where you find yourself sitting on the edge of your seat and biting your nails. And I'll leave it at that.
My favourite aspect of this book had to be being able to watch Evie grow up and become the adult Evie that we've all been waiting for. But she still has those hormonal teenager moments- don't worry.
Let's not forget about the boys of the book. Lend, Jack and Reth. What amazing boys they are. I've even grown to love Jack! As much as I hated him in the last book, I'm glad that he came back for this one, it gives you a chance to see the good side of Jack that was hiding deep, deep, deep down.
Then there's Reth. Reth, the emotionless faerie that's always telling Evie that he loves her. Reth got into my good books as well when we saw his perfect composure falter slightly towards the end of the book, showing that he is capable of emotion.
And Lend. Oh my Lend. My little water boy. I love you! He's the perfect boyfriend to Evie through the whole book, who am I kidding- through the whole series. Oh, and he's super duper cute! As soon as Evie's done with him, I call dibs!
This is the definition of "The book I wish I wrote". If you haven't read the series yet, go do it! Run over the granny that's taking to long to cross the street, leave your laundry in the washing machine, don't change out of your pyjamas! I don't care what you have to do, just go and get this book!

Recommended For Those Who Like: Paranormal Romance etc.
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Middle Market

Investment StrategyCurrent InvestmentsRealized Investments

Amzak's direct investment strategy is to partner with strong management teams in growing middle market companies. Led by a family that has for decades successfully built, managed, and exited various businesses, our team understands the needs of entrepreneurs and the steps required to transform growth stories into institutional platforms. We provide a flexible capital source that is not constrained by the rigid requirements on transaction structures and time horizons typical of most private equity investors, allowing entrepreneurs and managers to focus on growing businesses the "right way".

The investment professionals and senior leadership at Amzak work closely throughout the evaluation process, which enables us to quickly review and diligence opportunities. Post-closing, we grant portfolio company managers the autonomy to retain day-to-day operating control, but take an active role at the board level. In addition, our operating team provides ongoing support throughout the length of the investment in the areas of business development, acquisitions, financing alternatives, legal, and strategy.

Amzak seeks to invest $5 million to $50 million of equity in companies located in the U.S., South America, Central America and the Caribbean. For more information about our investment criteria please refer to the investment strategy section or contact Scot Fischer, Eduardo Arguello, or Andres Bethencourt, or send an email to directinvestments@amzak.com.


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Analyzed Sports

2014 NCAA Football Rankings – 9/8 – Analyzed SportsAnalyzed Sports

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September 7, 2014Football

Associated Press

September 8, 2014 Louisville, KY. (Analyzed Sports)

2014 NCAA Football Rankings 09/08

Week 2 of the NCAA College Football season is in the books. The A.P. Top 25 NCAA College Football Rankings were released early Sunday morning.  Oregon jumped Alabama for the number 2 spot after an impressive home win over the weekend against Michigan State.  Florida State remains #1, while Alabama drops 1 spot to #3.  Virginia Tech enters the rankings at #17 after previously being not ranked with the good win at Ohio State Saturday night.  The Buckeyes fall out of the Top 10 to #22.  Week 3 of the College Football season appears to be a nice one, as most teams enter conference play.

ASSOCIATED PRESS TOP 251. Florida State2. Oregon3. Alabama4. Oklahoma5. Auburn6. Georgia7. Texas A&M8. Baylor9. Southern California10. LSU11. Notre Dame12. UCLA13. Michigan State14. Ole Miss15. Stanford16. Arizona State17. Virginia Tech18. Wisconsin19. Kansas State20. Missouri21. Louisville22. Ohio State23. Clemson24. South Carolina25. Brigham Young

Others receiving votes:

Nebraska 153, North Carolina 118, Oklahoma St. 92, Florida 70, Duke 43, Penn St. 35, TCU 31, Mississippi St. 29, Marshall 18, Tennessee 14, Iowa 10, Cincinnati 6, West Virginia 6, Washington 4, N. Dakota St. 3, Pittsburgh 3, Texas Tech 3, Utah 2, Arizona 1

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