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Tag Archives: parenting

My Parents

I am thankful for many things, but one thing in particular lately: my family.

I was raised by a liberal Democrat and a conservative Republican. My mother is a teacher and my father a chemist. My dad is a well-known musician (the best… better than Trent, guys) and my mother is a creative and crafty genius and a verbal and literary wordsmith.

My mother taught me how to be a mom. I started realizing this once I married my husband and gained a stepson, and it really set in once I had two children of my own. A house full of boys. My mom, whether she or I ever realized it or not, prepared me from the time I was young to be a woman, a mother, a forgiving and thoughtful person. When I cuddle with my boys and pull them close I remember my mom doing the same. The boys bring me books to read or toys to play with and I do the special voices, follow our playful routines (and of course change things up constantly) just like I remember my patient mother doing. I look at my boys and can’t figure out how to not grit my teeth with the abundance of love and emotion I have for them, and I remember seeing the same emotions in my mommy’s face. I lose my patience with the boys sometimes, and hide in my bathroom or cry and try to explain to them what its like to be stressed and overwhelmed and then I remember that they’re kids… and I’m taken back to moments when I’d hear my mom sigh or see her frown and I know she was stressing about adult things, but she was still my mother. She still took care of us and loved us, and when I feel like I can’t do it anymore I remember these moments when she did keep doing it. Some of my favorite memories with my mom involve us going to school with her in the summer to work in her classroom. My sister and I would roam the hallways and explore the old historical original Hall School building. Afterward sometimes my mom would take us out to eat and before we got out of the car she’d ask us, “Do you want to bring in books to read, or do you want to talk?” Often we would all bring in our own books to read and we’d spend time together silently reading for part of the time and talking about the literary worlds we were currently living in the rest of the time. One of my favorite visual memories of my mom is from a family video in our first house. My sister, mom dad, granddad, and a few family friends and I were in the yard at the farm watching a litter of puppies play. My mom was taking a bucket of feed to the chickens: smiling, working, joking. Watching my sister toddling around and laughing at us while we chased the puppies. She’s wearing a skirt and its summer, or maybe spring. She was sort of like a hippy, care-free (seemingly) and laughing and outdoors-loving and just beautiful. When people tell me now that I look like her I take it as the biggest compliment. I hope I can be like her.

My dad taught me how to analyze things and how to be attentive and notice details. My dad has shown me that your plate can actually never be too full, you just have to learn how to rearrange things and ask for help and forgiveness from people. My dad taught me that things can be beautiful and relaxed and worthwhile even when you feel like you can’t go on and don’t have the space or time for things. My dad has shown me that you can make mistakes and be upset about things, and that’s okay, but then you have to pick yourself up, consider what went wrong and how to repair things, and then do it. My dad (and my mom!) showed me how to be an independent woman. Gender never got between things he did with or showed me or my sister; we learned how to properly use guns, how to hike and fish, how to make a plan and build things, how to take care of a yard and house and garden. Growing up we all did those things together; there weren’t different roles for different people. My dad showed me that one can have conservative beliefs but not be stifling.

Maybe I was just lucky to have parents that are completely different and capable of being independent. Maybe that’s why I don’t have trouble sorting out my feelings about current events and political issues, because it is possible to be a Democrat or a Republican and not be outlandishly opposed to everything the other side has to say. It is okay to question things and to push for answers, and it is okay to fight for what you believe in… once you figure out what that is.

Oh yeah, and Atticus and I set all the egg timers at Meijer in Plainfield last Friday afternoon at 1:05. I really hope someone heard them all go off and laughed and didn’t get upset because gosh I feel guilty about doing that.

Ramblings from a good terrible mom

I am the best bad parent. Because I admit it. I’m currently lounging outside my toddlers bedroom door after putting him down for bed, listening to my 4 year old play xbox downstairs while I’m up here mostly naked, poking around in my phone. What kind of mom would admit that? Me.

I just nursed Atticus until he was sleepy, then lay (lie? laid? layed?) him down. He whined a little, so I posted myself outside his bedroom to make sure he is ok with me not being there. Because I love him, and don’t want to make bedtime hard for him. Trent is downstairs but within clear hearing distance, playing a kid-friendly game (Disney Infinity) for a little bit before bedtime. He’s talking to the characters and also about me. I bet if someone walked in here it would look like I’m pretty lazy… and I sure am, but I’m also a pro at balancing pleasing my kids and giving myself a little post-work break.

I had a conversation with two currently-childless friends recently. They talked about not being sure about their desires to have kids, and I sympathized. I was there once. Then I had some, and I can’t imagine my life without them. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Surprisingly, they both told me I’ve influenced them positively in their consideration. I was baffled… I see myself as a hot mess. I’m always behind at work, I cry a lot, one of my kids is a nervous wreck like me, I spoil my kids, my house is a mess, I’m unhealthy, and I can’t keep up with housework or finances.

But I love my kids. And my friends pointed out to me that priorities are different and don’t make you a bad person, and that enjoying my kids and being myself makes me a good parent.

My house might be messy, but it’s filled with memories of good times, my lovable husband, kids and dogs, and the things we all enjoy together. I might have crap all over the place, but I’m too busy making memories with my kids to notice most of the time. I would love a clean house, but I would be really sorry if I missed a good photo opportunity of my kids because I took too long cleaning the background behind them first.

I might sit around lazily on my couch sometimes between work and bedtime, but I’d be a nutcase if I didn’t do it a little. For example, today after work I played with my kids in the children’s area at the library. Afterwards we went to Starbucks for some refreshments (for them too, I promise) and I surprised Trent by letting him pick out a new Disney Infinity character. When we got home I took care of some things, then put Atticus to bed, and am currently taking a quick break before heading down to interact with Trent. I feel guilty that I’m not always 100% present, but what parent is? My time with him in just a few minutes is going to be quality, like my nursing and cuddling time was with Atticus. I refuse to let me desire to have some alone time make me impatient or short with my kids. So I’ll help myself to both alone time and quality kid time.

I once read a blog post about two words the writer said they would never again say to their kids. “Hurry up.” It talked about how kids stop and enjoy the little things, and maybe we shouldn’t be in such a rush through our lives all the time; maybe we can take a cue from children. When I’m running late for work sometimes and trying to get the kids to daycare before I head in for a busy day, I’ve found myself telling Trent “hurry up, I don’t have all morning,” while urging him into his car seat. But I try to take a step back. He pokes along the stepping stones in the yard, pointing out interesting rocks or squatting to pick a a dandelion for me. Instead of hurrying him along I try to chill. It means I’m late to work (all the time, really a lot), but I love the little extra moments we have, and he’s teaching me to be more patient. Just the other day he picked a white, fluffy dandelion. I told him to make a wish and blow the feathery seeds away. He thought for a second and said “I wish I had one thousand mommies.” At first I was a little sad at the potential competition, and I asked him after the seeds had scattered if he wanted lots of different mommies. He said no, lots of me. It’s awesome to know how much he loves me, and hopefully it means I’m doing something right.

To know that I’ve made some people more strongly consider having kids is one of the most flattering things I’ve ever heard.

Now, excuse me, but I have some Disney Infinity to play with my son.

Things breastfeeding has taught me

Breastfeeding has taught me so many things: some good, some bad, some funny and some sentimental.

1. I never knew something that seems so simple could be so difficult and stressful.
2. Who knew that my eating Mexican food could wreak so much havoc on the whole family?
3. It turns out you can fix a boo boo with more than just a bandaid and a kiss. Boob to the rescue!
4. And speaking of fixing things: who knew breastmilk could fix diaper rash, pink eye, stuffy nose, ear and eye infections, eczema, and many more things… And not only on the baby who’s nursing!?
5. Breasts are really stretchy.
6. My mom wasn’t kidding when she said nursing can cause contractions. Whooo boy.
7. Breastmilk is delicious.
8. I am capable of sustaining a human life on my own. How scary and empowering and exciting!
9. Who knew boobs could become so desensitized and underwhelming?
10. I knew breasts could make money, but didn’t realize they could save me thousands of dollars each year!
11. Speaking of monetary value, I had no idea I was capable of making something many consider “liquid gold,” that can be sold for a few dollars an ounce! But seriously, who would do that? Donate, donate, donate!
12. It turns out I can reach and then surpass my goals. As of this month I’ve been breastfeeding my second child for 13 months. Add that to the 34 months I nursed Trent and I’ve almost reached 4 years total!

What a rewarding experience breastfeeding has been for me and my family. It’s something I look forward to every day and has saved us so much money plus it has helped me nurture two healthy, happy, and strong boys. It’s created a bond between me and each child as well as one between Nate and I, as we’ve banded together to make reaching our breastfeeding goals easier.

*I’m being brave and sharing some intimate thoughts and pictures here. Please don’t make me regret it.

Baby Einstein: The Great Debate

It has recently been brought to my attention that one should not park their children in front of the television.

Okay. Let me start over. I promised myself I wouldn’t be rude or sarcastic. After all, as parents we are all just trying to do and be the best we can.

I’ve posted things on Facebook in the past that mention that my kids are watching television or a video. When I mention anything about Baby Einstein, though, I always catch flack. People point out articles and personal stories about how Baby Einstein can negatively impact infant and toddler development, specifically their language development. I always feel the need to defend my choices. But I try to remember that mostly people just want what’s best for others.

It’s no surprise, at least to me, that studies show that parking a child in front of a television can negatively impact their development, even if what’s on the television is educational or specifically made for infants, toddlers, or children. A 30-minute Baby Einstein video might use a total of 30 words. A news program might use 1,000. Yes, I see the vast difference in these numbers. And also, yes I pulled those number guesses straight out of my ass.

The thing to remember is that you can’t accurately judge a situation unless you are a part of it. You can’t tell me in harming my children by showing them a video unless you witness me showing them the video. Here are a few situations in which I’ve let my children watch television:

1. I might turn on the DVD player and pop in a Baby Einstein video to do something a little different with my kids. I’ll hold Atticus in my lap and we will away and dance to the music. A puppet will come on the screen and say the word “more” and show a scene that is supposed to teach the viewer what more actually means. I’ll say “Atticus, look, isn’t that dog puppet silly? He is hungry and wants more cereal.” I’ll sign more, as the character on the DVD does, then say the word to him: “more. Look, the dog got more cereal!” Then we laugh. Trent and Atticus and I point out colors and toys and things we like on the video.

2. Atticus wakes early and Nate and I both groan and whine that it isn’t quite time to get up. If nursing and playing in the bed gets old, we pop in a DVD and let him watch it while we slowly let ourselves wake up. Atticus half watches it and half pokes, nurses, pinches, and squeals at us.

3. I need to get dishes done in one of the few gaps of time I have between working and playing with my kids. I turn on the TV (sometimes a kids’ show, sometimes a Baby Einstein video) and I beg and plead internally that it will occupy my kids’ attention long enough for me to get a chore or two done.

4. Heaven forbid I just want to watch it myself and partly relax while my children are awake. I’ll turn on the tube and keep it on in the background while I feed the boys a snack, play with the kids and dogs, do a little picking up or attempt to make a trip to the bathroom without an audience.

I realize that ideally I would never subject my children to the dreaded box. I realize that Baby Einstein and the like are marketed as developmental aids which is completely not true. I realize that some of the above examples I gave make me out to be a less-than-perfect mother. I don’t have an argument for any of these things. They’re all true.

I’m not an expert on babies. I don’t have experience in childhood education or language development. But I am an expert on my own kids and I do have experience as a mom. I’m learning every day how to be a good parent and give my kids what they deserve, just as my kids are hopefully learning new words and concepts and creativity from my talking and reading to them, playing and exploring the world with them, building and creating and exploring with them, and from the television they watch.

Making Your Own Woven Wrap for Babywearing

This past fall my mother and I embarked on a brave quest to make my own woven wrap so I could wrap my wee baby Atticus. I became addicted to babywearing just a few months after giving birth to Atticus in February of 2013. I bought a Moby when I had Trent and unfortunately never used it, and my mom bought me one as a gift prior to having Atticus. I was determined to learn how to wear this time around. I knew that having a newborn and a toddler at the same time could be hectic if I didn’t have a way to carry around the baby without wearing out my useless/non-existent arm muscles. Woven wraps can be super expensive, I quickly realized, and I thought making my own would be a cheap alternative addition.

Atticus and I Using Our Handmade Woven Wrap
Atticus and I Using Our Handmade Woven Wrap

I won’t bore you with my wrap purchases on this post, but be warned that they’ll surely come up soon. I have a handful and they’re gorgeous and soft and fun and cozy and useful and and and…

So anyway, my mom and I decided we were going to bang out a wrap on our own! Here’s how we did it.

Making your own woven wrap

Purchase your materials. You will want a sturdy but not-too-stretchy fabric. I used Osnaburg, but some people also use tablecloth material. I bought my Osnaburg from Hobby Lobby. The cost was $4.99 per yard, but they typically have a code you can enter for 40% off one item. You can also buy Osnaburg on Amazon for around $4.98/yard. I bought 10 yards, which would have been $49.90, but after applying the 40% off code my total before shipping was $29.90. I chose to purchase 10 yards was so that I’d have plenty, since I knew the Osnaburg would definitely shrink. I definitely wanted a size 6 wrap, which is 15.09 feet or 181.10 inches, or just over 5 yards. [Find more information about wrap sizes and other information about woven wraps on PAXbaby’s Woven Wrap Guide. Be warned… once you start poking around you’ll start losing hours before you realize it]. I figured buying so much extra would either leave me enough for a shorty or a ring sling, if I ever wanted to make a second wrap.

10 yards of Osnaburg is a whole lotta fabric!

Wash the fabric. First we washed the Osnaburg on hot and dried it on hot. Again, Osnaburg shrinks, and I wanted to leave plenty of room for shrinkage before measuring and cutting. Some people suggest you wash and dry 2-3 times, but I only did it one. I lost approximately 1/2 yard.

Choose your size and cut. Next, determine for sure what size you want your wrap to be. As I mentioned above, I wanted a size 6 (just over 181 inches). In addition to the 181 inches, we left extra fabric to allow for more shrinkage and for tapering the ends. Check out this nifty Babywearing102 Formal Investigate on Tapers to see different depths of taper by wrap maker. We measured 15 inches from each end so that, not including the tapers, the wrap measured 181 inches. Then, we cut on the diagonal so the tapers weren’t too deep.

Measuring the taper 15 inches deep
Cutting the Osnaburg on the diagonal for the taper

Serge or sew the edges. After the fabric was measured and cut my mom and I took turns serging the edges. If you’re not familiar, a serger uses 4 or more spools and has the capability to trim the edges to keep it clean and even. At the end of each side I tucked the four threads back into the serged edge with a needle, then added some fray check. (*If you don’t have a serger you could fold the edges under twice and then sew it for a nice seam. It would take a little more time to do that. You could also not sew or serge at all if you don’t mind slight fraying. Fraying doesn’t effect the integrity or strength of the wrap.)

The serger makes a nice clean cut and edge
The wrap as it is being serged

Attach a middle marker on the long edge. I wanted a middle marker on my wrap, so we took a piece of ribbon and folded it in half, then held it in place with pins until we got to that point of the fabric while serging. Needles can easily (and dangerously!) break with a serger, so we removed the needles and slowly serged over the ribbon to attach it.

The ribbon is serged on for a middle marker

You can see in the picture above that because we used four colors of thread on the serger the different sides of the wrap are obvious when up close; one side is primarily purple and the other side is primarily green. New babywearers (and some veterans, too) need to be able to see the difference between the sides so the wrap doesn’t get twisted. I also wanted to be able to tell the top from the bottom (again, to prevent twisting). With this in mind, we serged one long edge with the wrap turned over, so that the opposing thread colors were on the facing side.

It was not an easy project, but it also wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, and it was very rewarding! I got to spend time with my mom, try out my new serger, and got a new baby wrap out of it! Maybe one of these days I’ll dye it. You can see below that Atty and I both love it!

A size 6 is quite long!
A close up view of the finished product
Atticus loves his new wrap!
A back view of the wrap job. Plenty of length.

Chilling With My Good Friend Sara

My good friend Sara came over today. I had the day off work, partly because I worked this past weekend, partly because PLA starts Thursday, and partly because of Arts Gala insanity next week. This pay period my schedule is all kinda of crazy. Anyway, I posted on Facebook about having a day off today, and Sara texted to see if we could chill.

I met Sara around 10 years ago, when we both worked at Buffalo Wild Wings. We both worked in the bar and we both likes to drink. It wasn’t long after meeting that we became friends and started a once-a-week (or more… usually more…) drinking outing. We would drink and play music on the jukebox and play megatouch or other bar games. Fun times were probably had by all, and they were definitely had by us. Add Lindsay into the mix and were a troublemaking trio. We were party girls, we were drinking buddies, we were bar hoppers. We made sure neither of us got stupid and that we both had fun and we cared for each other.

Then I met Nate and we got married. Sara and Lindsay and my sister Rebecca (who deserve and will totally get their own posts) were my lovely bridesmaids.

Then Sara quit working at the bar and so did I and we drifted a little. Then I got pregnant with Trent and we drifted more. Having kids throws a wrench in most friendships, whether you want it to or not. Anyway, Sara had her own baby two years later, and we reconnected. We laughed and joked about what it would be like to be pregnant at the same time… And then it unexpectedly happened. We both just celebrated our second sons’ birthdays, 10 days a part from each other.

Chilling with Sara used to mean meeting up at the bar for some drinks with some cash for the jukebox and megatouch and the unspoken understanding that I may end up crashing at her apartment.

Chilling with Sara means something totally different now.

Dexter, Sara’s oldest son and my godson, and Trent played trains and rode on the dinosaur car together, while Oliver and Atticus toddled around getting into everything in the house. It wasn’t us toddling around anymore. Sara and I talked about parenting and how different our routines are and how similar our expectations are. We talked about our significant others and Red Lion Grog House over a cup of tea, instead of over glasses of beer. We talked about Sara’s and Wally’s upcoming wedding. We held our noses while we changed diapers instead of holding our noses while we threw back shots.

My, how things have changed. But I still say… chilling with Sara is one of my favorite things to do.


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One Writer’s Journey

December 17, 2013

WIP: Choosing a New WIP

Filed under: Uncategorized — suebe @ 1:51 am
Tags: , , ,

edff0-take4I’d love to say that these last two weeks have been marvelously productive, and, I guess, in a sense they have.  I’ve gotten a lot of Christmas shopping done, decorated, worked on cards and cleaned at my father’s.  I’ve written blog posts and read up on a variety of topics.  While I’ve been doing this, I’ve also been noodling over my next BIG PROJECT.

The conclusion that I’ve come to is this — I’m not going to have a new BIG PROJECT for a while.  Instead, I’m going to work on a series of smaller projects.  Here are the reasons why:

Recently, I did something of an inventory on one file drawer.  I looked at what I had sold all rights for (one piece), what I had sold one time rights for and could sell again after a year, and what had never sold.  I have a lot of work sitting here not doing much.  I want to get some of that back out there.  This fits in very well with . . .

In January, I’m taking part in ReviMo2014.  This is a one week long endeavor to rewrite picture book manuscripts.  In light of this, I’ve been noodling over some projects and thinking about how I can improve them which leads me to . . .

I’ve been circulating a nonfiction picture book about animal coloration.  I wrote this for a particular editor who ended up passing on the project.  There are two spreads that I’ve never loved as much as the rest of the book.  She wanted them, so I added them, but I’ve never adored them.  I’m going to pull them and add two new spreads.  The new spreads will expand on information already in the book and add depth to the story.

No, I can’t count that last one as part of ReviMo if I do it before then, but I have plenty of other manuscripts in need of improvement if only I would take the time to do it.  This means that my next several WIP aren’t new projects so much as older pieces that need a new gloss before being sent out.

What you working on as the year draws to a close?

1 Comment »

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News from the Lake Sunapee Area Business Group

The social media seminar held in February at the Best Western in Newbury and sponsored by the Lake Sunapee Region Chamber of Commerce was a “great success” with more than 85 people in attendance, said Rob Bryant, the Chamber director. In a Chamber message to members, Bryant said that additional forums on the subject and “focused social networking topics are being evaluated.”

To further help members and community groups get their message out, the Chamber is in the process of  adding features to its regional calendar. The improvements will make the on-line calendar more user-friendlier. Businesses and organizations in the region can post directly to the calendar; listings are then reviewed for completeness and appropriateness before being added. Calendar users will be able to search for events and programs by category:

  • Educational
  • Recreation
  • Business Events
  • Art, Theater and Culture
  • Especially for Kids

For more info about the Chamber and its community calendar, email Bryant at: The Chamber is also on Facebook.

Chamber activities coming up…

Tuesday, April 20, 8 – 9:30 a.m.: Upper Valley SCORE chapter and SBA will summarize their programs with additional subject matter of interest to small businesses to be confirmed, Helm Room, New London Hospital.

Saturday, May 1, 12 noon -2:30 pm Chocolate Fest in collaboration with Colby-Sawyer College, Ware Campus Center, Wheeler Hall, Colby-Sawyer College; $10 per person, children 5 and under are free. Additional community activities will complement the event.

Thursday, May 20, Black Fly Open Golf Tournament at Country Club of New Hampshire. Sponsorship opportunities available.

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Why Are You Spending More Than You Make?

There is no escaping the fact that Americans like “BIG” from the Big Mac to the Big House and Big Car. We either have, wanted to have, or work towards having those things as our goals in life. Because of that single fact, Americans spend and spend their money and, oh yeah, it’s money they may not even have! Today, as consumers, we acquire more than double of what we did about 50 years ago in material goods.  That translates to an average retail credit card debt per household in the USA today of over $8,000 per family. This begs the question: why are you spending more than you make?

Are you spending more than you make? We all have that tendency and here are 7 reasons why we are triggered to spend, spend, spend.

I have to laugh a little now talking about this subject. After all, I’m no different than you. I think I used to be obsessed with bigger is better and more, more, more just like most of us have over the years at one time or another. We seem to have that idea in our brains almost from birth. It continues to find ways into our lives all the time, for example just last month, McDonalds introduced a bunch of new Bigger and Better (I guess only time will tell if they are actually better) big sandwiches that border on the ridiculous! In fact, they’re big and also budget-bustlingly big. It’s certainly not uncommon these days to see prices at fast foodies as high as $7-$8 each.

But beyond the obvious like bigger and more expensive food, there is a lot more to this story. Being obsessed with spending and accumulating loads of stuff shows a fundamental weakness in us that we just don’t like to admit. Did you know that today, the personal storage industry is a $32.7 billion revenue business as of 2016? It’s a fascinating fact that we are storing things in droves that we bought and that we just can’t or won’t ever use. I know you have things in your closets, garages, and maybe even under the bed in your home that haven’t seen the light of day for years, and that’s bad enough. But when you are actually paying for space someplace in a storage facility that you may never have a use for, then that becomes the point of absurdity. That space and money could be being used for far more important pursuits that could free us of debt and make our lives better. So why is it that we don’t do just that?

Why You Are Spending More Than You Make

Here are 7 reasons why we spend more than we make:

1. We think “things” make us secure

Security. We know that if we have a roof, clothes, food, and transportation, that makes us feel secure. Logically then, if we have more of all of that and even more then we will feel even more secure. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work that way. Physical possessions will fade, spoil, and eventually disappear. The “security” we want to believe in just isn’t true and the feelings don’t last.

2. We think “things” make us happy

No one admits that they pursue material things to make themselves feel better and happy (sometimes to the point of illness). But, the truth is that we all seem to buy when we are sad or depressed. We think new, bigger, and better may just make us feel better for at least a little  bit. That feeling though quickly disappears and then where are we? Probably in debt and still needing something else to make us feel better it seems.

3. We saw it on TV

OMG, how many commercials do we get bombarded with every day about the newest cars, trips to the Caribbean, and special sales from new clothes to home improvements?  We are exposed to over 5,000 ads a day on TV, radio, internet, magazines and other types of media and we are very susceptible to it. Almost every ad we hear and see basically has the same message: “Your life will be better if you have _____ in it”. We hear and see it so often that we actually start to believe it and then BOOM, here comes that credit card as fast as you can say “charge!” The first step to break this chain is just being aware of what the ads are doing to you. That’s why so many recommend never buying on impulse. I certainly don’t and when you have a little time to think about your purchases you generally make better decisions.

4. We like showing off

It’s the old “keeping up with the Joneses” thing or even more so, keeping ahead of the Joneses. We all simply like being the center of attention. Most of us have a great need to show off. It helps us feel that we have influence, power, and success. That’s why we spend so much more than we have. It may be an illusion of success, but we seem to enjoy living in that illusion.

5. We are just plain jealous of others

It is in our nature to envy others and to want what they have or even have more and better that what others have. I’ll go back to the TV and the advertising and blame a lot if it on that in our lives. No matter how little money you might have, you probably have a TV set and what you see on there looks mighty tempting. It sort of sends a signal to your brain: if others have that than we should too!

Supersized TVI think that’s why they make 100+ inch TVs today. They’ve become a phallic symbol for a lot of the men I know in their “man caves” chock full of every electronic creature comfort there is in the world. It’s a competition and sometimes we buy just because our friends did.

6. We try to overcompensate for our deficiencies in life

We look to project confidence in the clothes we wear and the car we drive. When we are lonely or sad a lot of us shop and try and fulfill ourselves with material things. It seems we are trying to impress others with “things” rather than who we really are as people. The worst part of this is that we never really achieve that goal, but rather the buying is merely a distraction from our feelings that ultimately prevents us from really addressing them. There are many ways to deal with those feelings, but spending money you just don’t have isn’t a good one.

7. We are much more selfish that we want to admit

We may not want to admit to the fact that we are selfish and even greedy, but history has shown that to be true when it comes to the human race. Most of us seem to want to increase the size of our personal kingdoms and this is borne out throughout the past by coercion, force, dishonesty, and even warfare.

Excess material things will ultimately not enrich our lives. Having what we need and not the excesses we pursue gives us more time to enjoy life. The sooner we come to realize that, the better our lives become.

Have you realized that material things do not solve all of you needs in life? Are you a big spender? Do you live within your budget or are you staring at credit card debt because you need to expand your kingdom? What are you doing with now that you can really do without?

Image of television courtesy of LG on Flickr via CC 2.0

Disease Called Debt

About Gary Weiner @ Super Saving Tips

Over the last 45 years I've worked in retail (department stores and supermarkets) and financial planning. In addition, I am a shopper, born and bred, who enjoys the challenges of finding the best items for the best prices. When I'm not busy saving money or writing here at Super Saving Tips, I enjoy baseball, music, and classic movies. I am retired and live in New Jersey with my wife.
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  1. Jon and I were just discussing this, not in relation to us but in relation to a relative who, though middle-aged, still spends like a teenager…almost entirely on impulse. And, she’s being enabled for now, but at some point, the enablers will no longer be around to allow her to do so.

    Life will become drastically different at some point, and we are afraid for her. While we hope it’s in the far future, it’s more likely to be within 5-10 years.

    TV is an issue. Not just commercials, but also shopping channels and the often unrealistic lifestyles that are shown on TV. So does Facebook and being around friends who have more.

    But the biggest issue that gets her in spending trouble seems to be a disconnect between the reality of her situation and income and her perception of what she’s “worth.” In her head, she’s upper middle class (if not upper class) trapped in a working class job and income. She’s never been able to shift her tastes and habits to reflect her reality.

    And I think that’s, unfortunately, all too common, particularly with some downward mobility. People grow up expecting to have things better or at least as good as their parents, but when they don’t, they can find it hard to let go of some expensive tastes.

    It can be difficult to be content with lesser circumstances even when you try to face up to them, but a lot of folks aren’t even trying to adjust.
    Emily @ JohnJaneDoe recently posted…Taming The Want ListMy Profile

    • Emily, I think you have analyzed this situation very well. There are probably too many factors that create the thinking that many have and the impulse to spend. I’m not sure that advising someone who is so far out on the edge to change their ways will work, but if it’s someone you care about, it may be worth the attempt to help. I have a similar situation in my own family of someone who’s very close to me, but I have not yet been able to effect any behavior changes. But for some reason, I keep trying. Thanks for sharing.

    • The “I’m worth it” trap is what gets most of the people I know into trouble. And that thinking is reinforced everywhere you turn, so I can see why it’s hard for some people to rise above it.
      Jamie @ Medium Sized Family recently posted…5 Ways We’ve Saved Money This Week 72My Profile

  2. Great post, Gary!

    Getting rid of cable took away the introduction of new “things” via ads. What a difference that makes!

    I have to tell you something I’m really proud of. My employer gave me a $500 Amazon gift card when I retired (nice, huh?). After six months I’ve only spent half of it. The first few months I spent nothing. I finally broke the ice with a “splurge” on a $20 purse. I see things I like and I put them on my Wish List and delay the purchase. I find I don’t buy most of the stuff I thought I wanted.
    Mrs. Groovy recently posted…Early Retirement Highs and Lows: Eight Top Bloggers Weigh InMy Profile

    • Congratulations on using such good judgment on what amounts to a free gift of $500. Personally, as I’ve gotten a little older, I find that my wants have diminished and I concentrate more on my needs. I’m not saying that I don’t occasionally make a fun or silly purchase, but I’m certainly not tossing any money away as I did when I was a kid. I also want to say that I admire you for giving up your cable. I haven’t yet been able to do that…I’d certainly miss the baseball games if I did. Thanks for your comments.

  3. #4 and 5 I believe are big factors today and have been for years. We are always trying to live someone else’s life, or impress someone. We really just need to stop caring so much about what other think and focus on ourselves. Stop playing the comparison game on social media with others. It’s just one big highlight reel anyway.

    I like having less stuff today. Less to organize, clean, store, lose, etc. When you shift your focus to yourself you can find happiness within, no latest gadget will ever fill that void.
    Brian recently posted…Interview Series: Less Debt More WineMy Profile

    • I guess writing this post for some people is like preaching to the choir. So many others out there just don’t get the idea that building your finances is not a competition. The benefit in your own life is what we all should be most concerned about, that is taking care of yourself and your family, providing the things that they need for today and their future. Whether or not the Joneses are doing well should not be our concern. Thanks so much, Brian.

  4. Keeping up with the Joneses is such a tough situation for most people. Even people who aim to be frugal have trouble being “different” and choosing not to have all the stuff their peers do. It is uncomfortable to have to explain your decisions when people ask questions. It takes practice to go against the flow and avoid the 7 reasons for overspending you outline here!

    • It is a struggle, Chelsea. You mentioned about the people who ask questions, and I find that so annoying when they want to know the how’s and why’s of how we spend our money. I think that fosters the entire problem of wanting to overspend just to impress. Thanks for your comments.

  5. All good points and we all can fall into the trap. You know sometimes I see the commercials and think that gadget would be nice to have. It’s usually one of those time saving gadgets. I just say if they have it at the As seen on T.v. store in the mall I’ll get it. Well that mall is 30 minutes or more away and we don’t get there very often. Thanks goodness. by that time I have forgotten what I deemed so important! Delaying purchases really helps!
    Vickie@Vickie’s Kitchen and Garden recently posted…Free Kindle Books for 4/15/17 and Kindle Books That are Still Free!My Profile

    • Vickie, sometimes I wonder how they fit all that “as seen on TV” stuff into one location! I’m not against spending per se, but only for what I really need and occasionally for a want. It’s just a matter of discipline, especially when you have limits to what you can spend. And those limits affect pretty much all of us.

  6. Although I’m a relatively big spender, I don’t think I waste any money. I go on quite a few vacations each year and always eat healthy, home cooked meals. What else is money for if not to provide a good quality of life?

    • I am also a true believer in money aiding in the quality of your life and certainly when you can afford to have the luxuries that you like, there is nothing wrong in doing so. The problem that I often see is that people really cannot afford to spend freely and do so anyway with the aid of credit. That can spell big trouble. Thanks for your comments, Troy.

  7. I’m not so guilty of we saw it on TV as I am of a Facebook or Pinterest ad getting to me. It’s how I wound up with a stupid expensive pair of shoes that aren’t even comfortable. But as advertising gets more and more targeted, it can be really difficult to ignore.

  8. To me its all about value based spending. Spend on the things in a thoughtful manner, and save the rest. There was a time when I was very subject to the issues you mentioned. At that time I’d look back after the purchase and realize I made a mistake making the purchase. That doesn’t happen very often anymore, but it took years to get to this point.
    Full Time Finance recently posted…How did I pay off $63K in Student Loan DebtMy Profile

    • I don’t think you’re alone, FTF, when it comes to going through the process of learning to make better decisions about your spending. I think when you’re younger and especially after you get your very first job, you’re somewhat overwhelmed with the ability you have to actually buy things on your own. After that is when you start to understand that long term goals require better money decisions and I’m glad that you’ve learned it and I hope others will as well. Thanks for your comments.

  9. I don’t think the general population realizes how much we are being marketed to nearly every minute of our day: from the way physical stores are set up to how ads are served to us based on our online activity. It takes a fair amount of awareness, and a bit of willpower, to decide that keeping our hardearned money and invest it for income later in life is our true focus.
    Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…File this under: 2017 is trolling meMy Profile

    • The concept of targeting us by our habits online or even just the way we walk around a store is really a science. It’s almost unfair that we are so susceptible to manipulation. You’re right about us having to really concentrate on how we spend our money and how we plan for our future. Thanks for your comments.

  10. I’m actually taking a fb break right now. If I meet friends in person and hear about their good news, all is fine. But if I go on social media and I’m bombarded with tons of pics showing expensive vacations, new kitchen renovations, someone’s new car or RV purchase..it just starts to seem overwhelming and I really feel like there is great temptation to overspend to match everyone else’s “highlight reel” that we see on social media.

    • As much as I’d like to think that social media is just a positive, realistically I have to agree that everyone shows off and brags. Throw in the targeted advertising we see on top of it and the temptations are enough to make anyone spend more than they have. Taking a break sounds like a good idea, at least every once in awhile, so you can calm those impulses down. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Hey Gary,

    Interesting read coming from your perspective because I’m a Canadian. From what I’ve seen, heard, and read, personal debt is a problem up here too.

    Quote from above, “Because of that single fact, Americans spend and spend their money…”

    And it makes me wonder, because it seems everyone on earth wants to tap into the USA market.

    Imagine if every United States citizen all of a sudden became extremely frugal and never spent a cent on anything that wasn’t necessary.

    My guess is a complete collapse of the world economy. A massive depression. I’m not Robert Reich (not even his go-for) but that’s my guess.

    You know more about this stuff than me from what I’ve read here – what do you think would happen? (not trying to give you home work for the weekend) 😉

    Brent recently posted…Kanye West’s 53 Million Debt Was Fake News – 2017 UpdateMy Profile

    • Here’s what I think. I don’t think that could ever happen, especially because for years I have had the opinion that products (and services) are made with the intention of planned obsolescence and thus, replacement. For example, the way technology has made almost everything that you buy necessary to replace in a short period of time. Things like smartphones and computers. So I think it’s safe to say that people will continue to spend and spend and spend and our economy will never cease to reap that benefit. Thanks, Brent, for your comments and question.

      • That makes sense. I remember watching a movie the other night set in the early fifties and the characters were walking through a hardware store.

        I said to Betty those products probably lasted for decades or forever.

        The other day I found one of those old classic brass hose nozzles half buried in the alley.

        I cleaned up the threads and tried it out. It did leak a wee but it still worked great.

        Really though – my hypothetical question was on the ridiculous side – no way people are going give up there “stuff”.

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3 Replies Latest reply on Feb 20, 2013 1:53 PM by noor

    4430, NAT dropping packets when internal server sending ack back to source

    woohong New Member

      Hello, I am having an issue with an adtran 4430  we have a windows 2008 R2 server I have created NAT for rdp, https, ssl and such.  But when i try to connect to it from externally the packets gets dropped.   I have tested the server internally and it works fine. Wireshark shows traffic is coming through the NAT and going to the server and server sending it back but it looks like the router drops the packet.  I have two internet connection..inbound traffic is coming in from XO, all internet traffic outbound going out of a comcast connection.  I only seem to have issues with the windows 2008 servers. I have other servers on the network (SERVER 2003)  that works fine...currently have sbs 2003 running and it works fine and i am trying to replace that with a 2008 server.  Firewall is disabled on the local 2008 server and i don't have a sniffer to figure out where the packets are going. But logically it seems the adtran is dropping the packet.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

        • Re: 4430, NAT dropping packets when internal server sending ack back to source

          woohong - Based on the description of your setup, I believe the issue is that the port forward is coming in through the XO connection correctly, but the response is being sent back out the Comcast connection. The RPF check on the firewall is more than likely dropping the return traffic. There are a couple of steps you can take to resolve this issue:

          1. If you would prefer that your port forwarding return traffic use the XO connection instead of the Comcast connection, you will need to configure a route-map on the LAN interface matching the return traffic and specifying the XO connection as the next-hop. The document below explains how to set up a route-map:

          Configuring Policy Based Routing in AOS

          2. You will also need to disable RPF check on the access-policies/security zones that are assigned to your WAN interfaces. This can only be done in the CLI. The command syntax is as follows:

          router(config)# no ip policy-class <Policy-class NAME> rpf-check

          If the above suggestions do not work, please reply to this post with your configuration. Please remember to edit any information that may be sensitive to your network. I will be more than happy to take a look at the configuration.

          Please do not hesitate to let us know if you have any questions.

          1 of 1 people found this helpful


text:
404 U.S. 809 (1971)

Annotate this Case
  • Syllabus  |
  • Case

U.S. Supreme Court

WHITCOMB v. AFFELDT , 404 U.S. 809 (1971)

404 U.S. 809

Edgar D. WHITCOMB, Governor of Indiana, etc., et al., appellants,
Don AFFELDT et al.
No. 70-51.

Supreme Court of the United States

October 12, 1971

The application for a stay presented to Mr. Justice Marshall, and by him referred to the Court, is denied.[ Whitcomb v. Affeldt 404 U.S. 809 (1971) ]

Disclaimer: Official Supreme Court case law is only found in the print version of the United States Reports. Justia case law is provided for general informational purposes only, and may not reflect current legal developments, verdicts or settlements. We make no warranties or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained on this site or information linked to from this site. Please check official sources.


text:
Missouri v. Seibert
542 U.S. 600 (2004)

Annotate this Case

certiorari to the supreme court of missouri

No. 02–1371. Argued December 9, 2003—Decided June 28, 2004

Respondent Seibert feared charges of neglect when her son, afflicted with cerebral palsy, died in his sleep. She was present when two of her sons and their friends discussed burning her family’s mobile home to conceal the circumstances of her son’s death. Donald, an unrelated mentally ill 18-year-old living with the family, was left to die in the fire, in order to avoid the appearance that Seibert’s son had been unattended. Five days later, the police arrested Seibert, but did not read her her rights under Miranda v. Arizona, 384 U. S. 436. At the police station, Officer Hanrahan questioned her for 30 to 40 minutes, obtaining a confession that the plan was for Donald to die in the fire. He then gave her a 20-minute break, returned to give her Miranda warnings, and obtained a signed waiver. He resumed questioning, confronting Seibert with her prewarning statements and getting her to repeat the information. Seibert moved to suppress both her prewarning and postwarning statements. Hanrahan testified that he made a conscious decision to withhold Miranda warnings, question first, then give the warnings, and then repeat the question until he got the answer previously given. The District Court suppressed the prewarning statement but admitted the postwarning one, and Seibert was convicted of second-degree murder. The Missouri Court of Appeals affirmed, finding the case indistinguishable from Oregon v. Elstad, 470 U. S. 298, in which this Court held that a suspect’s unwarned inculpatory statement made during a brief exchange at his house did not make a later, fully warned inculpatory statement inadmissible. In reversing, the State Supreme Court held that, because the interrogation was nearly continuous, the second statement, which was clearly the product of the invalid first statement, should be suppressed; and distinguished Elstad on the ground that the warnings had not intentionally been withheld there.

Held: The judgment is affirmed.

93 S. W. 3d 700, affirmed.

   Justice Souter, joined by Justice Stevens, Justice Ginsburg, and Justice Breyer, concluded that, because the midstream recitation of warnings after interrogation and unwarned confession in this case could not comply with Miranda’s constitutional warning requirement, Seibert’s postwarning statements are inadmissible. Pp. 4–15.

   (a) Failure to give Miranda warnings and obtain a waiver of rights before custodial questioning generally requires exclusion of any statements obtained. Conversely, giving the warnings and getting a waiver generally produces a virtual ticket of admissibility, with most litigation over voluntariness ending with valid waiver finding. This common consequence would not be at all common unless Miranda warnings were customarily given under circumstances that reasonably suggest a real choice between talking and not talking. Pp. 4–6.

   (b) Dickerson v. United States, 530 U. S. 428, reaffirmed Miranda, holding that Miranda’s constitutional character prevailed against a federal statute that sought to restore the old regime of giving no warnings and litigating most statements’ voluntariness. The technique of interrogating in successive, unwarned and warned phases raises a new challenge to Miranda. Pp. 6–9.

   (c) When a confession so obtained is offered and challenged, attention must be paid to the conflicting objects of Miranda and the question-first strategy. Miranda addressed “interrogation practices … likely … to disable [an individual] from making a free and rational choice” about speaking, 384 U. S., at 464–465, and held that a suspect must be “adequately and effectively” advised of the choice the Constitution guarantees, id., at 467. Question-first’s object, however, is to render Miranda warnings ineffective by waiting to give them until after the suspect has already confessed. The threshold question in this situation is whether it would be reasonable to find that the warnings could function “effectively” as Miranda requires. There is no doubt about the answer. By any objective measure, it is likely that warnings withheld until after interrogation and confession will be ineffective in preparing a suspect for successive interrogation, close in time and similar in content. The manifest purpose of question-first is to get a confession the suspect would not make if he understood his rights at the outset. When the warnings are inserted in the midst of coordinated and continuing interrogation, they are likely to mislead and “deprive a defendant of knowledge essential to his ability to understand the nature of his rights and the consequences of abandoning them.” Moran v. Burbine, 475 U. S. 412, 424. And it would be unrealistic to treat two spates of integrated and proximately conducted questioning as independent interrogations subject to independent evaluation simply because Miranda warnings formally punctuate them in the middle. Pp. 9–12.

   (d) Elstad does not authorize admission of a confession repeated under the question-first strategy. The contrast between Elstad and this case reveals relevant facts bearing on whether midstream Miranda warnings could be effective to accomplish their object: the completeness and detail of the questions and answers to the first round of questioning, the two statements’ overlapping content, the timing and setting of the first and second rounds, the continuity of police personnel, and the degree to which the interrogator’s questions treated the second round as continuous with the first. In Elstad, the station house questioning could sensibly be seen as a distinct experience from a short conversation at home, and thus the Miranda warnings could have made sense as presenting a genuine choice whether to follow up on the earlier admission. Here, however, the unwarned interrogation was conducted in the station house, and the questioning was systematic, exhaustive, and managed with psychological skill. The warned phase proceeded after only a 15-to-20 minute pause, in the same place and with the same officer, who did not advise Seibert that her prior statement could not be used against her. These circumstances challenge the comprehensibility and efficacy of the Miranda warnings to the point that a reasonable person in the suspect’s shoes could not have understood them to convey a message that she retained a choice about continuing to talk. Pp. 12–15.

   Justice Kennedy concluded that when a two-step interrogation technique is used, postwarning statements related to prewarning statements must be excluded unless curative measures are taken before the postwarning statement is made. Not every violation of Miranda v. Arizona, 384 U. S. 436, requires suppression of the evidence obtained. Admission may be proper when it would further important objectives without compromising Miranda’s central concerns. See, e.g., Harris v. New York, 401 U. S. 222. Oregon v. Elstad, 470 U. S. 298, reflects a balanced and pragmatic approach to enforcing the Miranda warning. An officer may not realize that a suspect is in custody and warnings are required, and may not plan to question the suspect or may be waiting for a more appropriate time. Suppressing postwarning statements under such circumstances would serve “neither the general goal of deterring improper police conduct nor the Fifth Amendment goal of assuring trustworthy evidence.” Elstad, supra, at 308. In contrast, the technique used in this case distorts Miranda’s meaning and furthers no legitimate countervailing interest. The warning was withheld to obscure both the practical and legal significance of the admonition when finally given. That the interrogating officer relied on respondent’s prewarning statement to obtain the postwarning one used at trial shows the temptations for abuse inherent in the two-step technique. Reference to the prewarning statement was an implicit, and false, suggestion that the mere repetition of the earlier statement was not independently incriminating. The Miranda rule would be frustrated were the police permitted to undermine its meaning and effect. However, the plurality’s test—that whenever a two-stage interview occurs, the postwarning statement’s admissibility depends on whether the midstream warnings could have been effective enough to accomplish their object given the case’s specific facts—cuts too broadly. The admissibility of postwarning statements should continue to be governed by Elstad’s principles unless the deliberate two-step strategy is employed. Then, the postwarning statements must be excluded unless curative measures are taken before they were made. Such measures should be designed to ensure that a reasonable person in the suspect’s situation would understand the import and effect of the Miranda warning and waiver. For example, a substantial break in time and circumstances between the prewarning statement and the warning may suffice in most instances, as may an additional warning explaining the likely inadmissibility of the prewarning statement. Because no curative steps were taken in this case, the postwarning statements are inadmissible and the conviction cannot stand. Pp. 1–5.

   Souter, J., announced the judgment of Court and delivered an opinion, in which Stevens, Ginsburg, and Breyer, JJ., joined. Breyer, J., filed a concurring opinion. Kennedy, J., filed an opinion concurring in the judgment. O’Connor, J., filed a dissenting opinion, in which Rehnquist, C. J., and Scalia and Thomas, JJ., joined.

Disclaimer: Official Supreme Court case law is only found in the print version of the United States Reports. Justia case law is provided for general informational purposes only, and may not reflect current legal developments, verdicts or settlements. We make no warranties or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained on this site or information linked to from this site. Please check official sources.


text:
Qualitative Case Study Methodology essay

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Qualitative Case Study Methodology. Custom Qualitative Case Study Methodology Essay Writing Service || Qualitative Case Study Methodology Essay samples, help

The title of the article “Qualitative case study methodology in nursing research: an integrative review fits well with content contained in the article as it deals with the different research methodologies applied in nursing research. The article explores the different aspects of the topic in relation to research and how it applies to nursing. The abstract provides an overview of what the article entails and in this case, it really does provide a clear overview on what the article contains. The title summarizes what the paper is majorly about. The aim of the paper is clearly defined and the reader can identify the reason for the research from the aim. The background provides the need or the reasons why it was important to conduct the research and it is clear that there is need for further research in the field of quantitative methodology research because there has been an increase in the use of case studies in the nursing field over the recent years. The data sources and the methods used for the study provide an overview of how the data was found and the methods used for collecting the data. The data in the results and the conclusion is consistent with the data in the article and provides further information about the whole case study.

The problem that prompted the research in this article is the need to provide further information about the use of case study by the nurses. This requires information that can provide an in-depth analysis of the use of qualitative research and case studies by the nurses. The authors identify provide an in-depth analysis of the data used in the case study while referring to the investigations used in the different phenomena of the study, (Filstead, 1970). There is sufficient background information provided by the authors stating the need for the research and why the nurses require more information and examination of the methodology and its current use. The background does not provide more information on how the methodology came about making the reader wonder when it came to existence and its evolution over the years. The aim of the study is explained in detail as the authors focus on the contemporary use of the methodological research and its integrative review.

There are many research articles of the topic from previous articles and they provide information about the origin of the methodology and its application in the nursing sector. Two articles provide details on the theoretical aspects of the QCSM and their outcomes are clearly defined in the article. The references used by the authors in the research article are currents as there are about 55 reference materials printed in the last ten years and the number of references used from, the last five years are only four. There is a summary on what is known about the topic and is found in the section of what is known about the topic where the authors provide information about the current information known about the topic and what brings about confusion and what is not known. They also provide an in-depth of the challenges in the integrative reviews that need to be identified and clarified. The study is based on a theoretical frameworks and does not have any theory they base their research on. The research question are three namely where the QCSM  have been used in conducting nursing research, why it has been in use, how it has been used to conduct nursing research and how the research has been reported in the field of literature. Research hypothesis or hypotheses

The variables of interest in the article are the relevance of the content in the articles used in the research. There are no demographic samples used in the research. The research desings used in the article is non-experimental where the authors only use information they get from primary and secondary sources and compares them with no manipulation to the data. The non-experimental design is appropriate in finding the information needed to analyze the methodology, (Hamel, Ste%u0301phane, Dominic, 1993). The sampling criteria used in the research focused on the clinical practices and administrative roles requiring the author to be a nurse in order to provide detailed information about the application of the research methods. The researchers obtained the participants by non random means where they picked articles whose authors are in the nursing profession. There was no informed consent required to use the articles from the nurse authors. The review institution board was not mentioned anywhere in the article.

The author did not develop the instruments for data collection, but got the idea from a 2007 sample review on methods for collecting research data. Ordinal measurements were used where the articles were ranked depending on the research and the details of the literature section. The authors justify the use of reviews to guide the researchers because it has details on the processes and had a well defined literature.  Data collection was a one time thing. The data was collected in the office with the help of electronic searches in the internet for relevant articles. Data analysis was done by first extracting the data and then representing them in a numerical and textual manner. The next step was to data reduction and comparison. The data analysis was appropriately used.

The limitation of the study is seen in unbiased collection of literature content including the database indexing error and problems in acknowledging the QCSM  feature when it comes to providing consistent information. The implications describe include the appropriate use of the QCSM in describing exploring and evaluating the professional interests in the nursing sectors. The article does not provide any future research topics. The authors did not generalize the findings and provided a discussion on how the findings of the QCSM apply to nursing and no other field apart from that din the aim of the study, (Anthony , Jack, 2009).

There were no grammar mistakes of inconsistency in the article. The steps of the process are linked together and provide answers for the hypothesis. The study is of high quality and provides further information about the methodology. The study gives nurses and insight on what and how they can apply the QCSM in their daily activities.

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Sutherlands Home Improvement Centers and building materials 100-Year Anniversary
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Friends and Fanfare

If I am to break down our time in Fiji into stages, I see three distinct segments. The first was as sailors within the cruising route, the second as intrepid explorers on the cultural route, and the third as tourists enjoying the “postcard Fijian experience.” All three are worth their weight in gold – or for a more nautical expression, worth their weight in salt – for what each allowed us to experience.

And so, we spent our final weeks in the company of good friends, based in Musket Cove and exploring the Mamanukas in more detail. Our first impression of this chain had been one of dismay, far from the explorative travel we were hoping for. However, on closer examination we found it to be a charming collection of anchorages, once away from the resort hubs. We experienced some of our best diving here, some stunning scenery, remote islands and a few scattered villages. We spent a wonderful couple of weeks discovering these pearls, as well as simply kicking our feet up poolside and indulging in all the luxuries of resort accommodations.

We had two sets of friends join us during our final days in Fiji. I comically define them as the “child haters” and “child lovers,” though both an exaggeration in descriptive label. This was because, after a season of travel where I was pretty isolated from feedback and influence concerning my pregnancy, I now shared time with friends who were both curious and interested in our child-to-be. This brought with it resolution on feeling blessed to get the experience of motherhood, and fear of the demand of what that actually required.

Where our first guests had made the active decision that having children was not a course they would choose, the second were enjoying their second year of parenthood. Our so-called “child haters” highlighted all the things around us that would limit us, demand of us, exclude us from. Ironically, this solidified for me the feeling that I had done all that I wanted to do without children, and this next step in life would be my next big learning curve – my next big adventure. Now, they weren’t really child haters per say, and to be fair Dena and I spent a number of wonderful moments talking theoretically about children and motherhood. It was the first time for me in all of my pregnancy that I had an outlet for these discussions, and I cherished it. It was good female bonding as well as time spent thinking in depth about a world I know nothing about. Alice’s tunnel – I am about to tumble through! I truly hope it is a Wonderland.

Our second visitors, following directly after Nick and Dena, were our “child lovers,” who were bringing their two year old to give us a taste of reality! Now, I do have to say up front that Max is one of the easiest children I have met, adorable, well tempered and in what I am sure most would say, a parent’s dream child. So, with that stated, I still felt exhausted watching the amount of energy it took to occupy the curiosities of a toddler… and to keep up with such a bundle of energy. There were a few moments when I looked at John and said, “I can’t do this!! I’m exhausted already and we aren’t doing any of the work!!!” – that, after ranting at length on the blessing and beauty of parenthood a week prior!

The time spent with both couples was wonderful, parenthood apprehensions aside. We got to explore some new territory, find some of the most beautiful corals and bump through vibrant schools of reef fish, watch sunsets over some of the most glorious remote islands and skip along long stretches of white sand beaches without sight of another human form. And then we indulged in the complete opposite; body messages, coconut cocktails, infinity pools, fresh seafood, entertainment that required nothing of us than to kick back and enjoy. It was the perfect conclusion to our cruising season– spent with good friends surrounded by luxury and indulgence.

John and I felt that we had experienced a wonderful mix during our time in the South Pacific islands. We were now prepared to return Atea to home base and welcome the next phase of our relationship, and our next adventure.

One last story before I conclude Atea’s 2011 South Pacific voyage. I stayed in Fiji four days after Atea’s departure for New Zealand so that I could help provision and prepare Atea for the delivery trip. We had accepted a request by a German backpacker to join on the passage south, and so a few days before departure we brought Toby onboard as crew for the delivery. That way John had a second onboard to help with shifts, Toby had a ride south, and I could escape passage duty guilt-free knowing that John had a second pair of hands. As we said our farewells, John’s last words to me were: “Stay safe while I am gone – and make sure you make it to the airport on time!”

Well, I’ve never been one to follow someone else’s command.

After their departure, I checked into a seaside hotel and prepared to relax and pamper myself through my last few days in Fiji. I looked quite the sight. A solo pregnant woman didn’t quite fit the ideal picture. I am sure the rumours amongst the staff and guests circulated – an abandoned woman left in her final stages of pregnancy. How sad. The poor woman. How miserable she must feel….

One day passed and I defaulted on my promise to John. “Stay safe.” Right. In the late afternoon I took a walk around the neighbourhood to get a bit of exercise and was attacked by a stray dog. Charged by three, one decided to break the “stand-off” and lunged for my ankle, puncturing my skin with his four canines. My first was response was incredulous – “what do you think you are doing, you stupid dog?!?!” That quickly turned to panic as the dog made a second lunge. This time I screamed at the top of my lungs, “GET YOUR F@#*ING DOG INDOORS!” F@#*ING F@#* F@#* F@#*!!!

The shriek brought neigbhours to my rescue. As they scattered the mangy mob I hobbled down the street to safety, tucking into a bush to inspect my wounds. I had blood pouring from ankle to foot and throbbing pain mixed with panic – rabies? Just what could this mean at this stage in my pregnancy? Was the baby okay – forget the foot!

I spent several hours at the hospital, a jab of tetanus in my butt and medications to stop infection. To pull some good from the event, I got a pregnancy checkup confirming all was well with bubs in the belly.

I chose to fly two weeks after the airlines cut off for pregnant women. The rules dictated that I would not be permitted to fly five weeks before my due date; I’d book for three weeks prior. Hell, what fun is life if you don’t push the limits?! Regardless, I felt I was running a stroke of bad luck and I didn’t want that to carry through to check in. So, I told my story to the doctor and with a little nudge and wink, asked if she could write me a “doctor’s note.” Now, in New Zealand or America I wouldn’t dare suggest it with fear of lawsuits and legal ethics binding doctors tight. But hey, this was the islands – and rules tend to be a little more negotiable. We plotted an acceptable term, and I walked out with a punctured butt, a bandaged foot, and a doc’s note that said that I was 32 weeks pregnant. I received my “get out jail free” card, and I was getting on that flight to New Zealand!!

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Product/Services Reviews

Be A Rainbow On Someone’s Cloud

Photographed by: Hubby

Doesn’t this picture make you smile? Gives you hope? Makes you want to dream more?

This is nature at its best.

Now, be a rainbow on someone’s cloud.

When my other half, across a thousand miles away from us, sent me this with a message, ‘most amazing rainbow I’ve ever seen’— I couldn’t agree more. This simply brought a smile and lift up my heavy heart that day.

And I just wanted to thank him for giving me the most beautiful rainbow in my life.

15 thoughts on “Be A Rainbow On Someone’s Cloud

  1. You don’t have to thank me. I should be thanking you. For throughout all my life I have never seen a mother like you. Our son is the most fortunate boy in the world to have you as his mom.

  2. Aloha,
    Beautiful, just beautiful. I love that your love sent this to you, how lucky are we that they did? =)
    I’ve made it my silly little goal to stop by and follow/ say “hey” to every mom on our bloggy mom hop this month. It’s so sweet to be on this journey with you.

    If you’re up for a bit of a ride I’d love, love, love for you to join me at Local Sugar Hawaii where we’re riding the wave of life together, one adventure at a time. And this weekend we’re ringing in the new year together at An Aloha Affair. You can link up all of your creative work and share it with other sweet souls looking to make meaningful connections. Stop by anytime, you’re always welcome.

    Happy New Years to You and Yours.

    • Hello Nicole! Thank you so much for dropping by! I’ve just joined and have followed you around! Such an amazing hop and I look forward to make connections with all you. I’m loving the positivity! Yes, my love indeed sent me this one, and it did lift up my heart and made me happy. I’m glad to be able to share the little happiness here on my blog. Good things are best shared, I believe!

      Happy New Year! ^^

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Gift Guide: The Stylish Reader

Do you have someone in your life who loves to read any chance she gets and is always fabulously dressed? Are you a procrastinator and still haven’t bought/ordered her that special something? Well you’re in luck, because I’ve done the searching for you. Wasn’t that nice of me?

The Book Lover

Portland Jumper/Sweet With Pleats Skirt/Kate Spade Charlotte Street Sylvie/Space Dye Convertible Glove/Mix No. 6 Barker Boot/Cooperative Trompe L’Oeil Laptop Case/I Read Banned Books Tote

And if you order this instant you’ll receive it in time for her to open Christmas morning usually with free shipping, of course some places it’ll cost you, but if you haven’t bought gifts for anyone (friends & family members) you can buy all your gifts at Urban Outfitters and BAM! you’re done. My personal fave is the KSNY Charlotte Street Sylvie bag in the Vivid Snapdragon, it’s a great pop of color and it’s a cross-body which I love. But if you really want to wow her, then the Aubin & Wills Portland Jumper is the way to go, even my 9 year old knows “that’s the sweater that Taylor Swift wore on her date with Harry” (duh!). How does he even know that? It couldn’t possibly be that US Weekly I’ve been reading. Nah. Well good luck with your shopping and welcome to the Procrastinator’s Club! 😉

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Sunday, 27 April 2014

What Does the Otter Say?

Animals use a variety of different means to communicate with one another. For we humans, speech is the primary means of communication, but even we also have body language as a useful adjunct. (And writing, of course, although that's arguably just a representation of speech, and it's not, that we know of, something our species has always done). For other mammals, scent is usually at least as important.

The human sense of smell is pretty rubbish, by broader mammalian standards, but for those species where it functions effectively, scent can be an effective and useful means of communication. All you have to do is urinate on a lamppost or do what bears do in the woods, and you've left a long-lasting message that conveys all sorts of handy information to anyone who comes by later. But, on the other hand, it does have its limitations. In particular, it's not much good for rapid signalling, such as alarm calls. So, while we may be the only species to "speak" (in the sense of having complex syntactical rules), it's not surprising that we aren't the only ones to make vocalisations.

Having said that, unless you're a whale, vocal calls are really only useful for communicating with other animals that are at least in your general vicinity. As such, they're much less useful to animals that don't lead rich social lives. If you live all your life on your own, then it may be that the only sound you need to make is something to warn off intruders, and perhaps a little something for the breeding season. Apart from that, scent may well be sufficient to meet your needs.

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Mini-Monkeys: Madeiran Marmosets and More

Santarem marmoset
Back in the 1970s,  a survey of the monkeys of South America identified just two species of "typical" marmoset living in the Amazon jungle: a naked-eared form, and a tassel-eared form. Both species were fairly variable in appearance, and each was considered to include three distinct subspecies. Today, better knowledge of things like their genetic make-up means that we have elevated all of those subspecies to full species status.

The "tassel-eared marmoset" had first been described in 1811 by Geoffroy Saint-Hilaire (although the date is officially given as 1812, because it took a year to get the description published). Because it was the first to be so described, the other two were considered subspecies of it, rather than the other way round. Once they were split off, we were left only with the species to which the originally collected specimen belonged. While still sometimes called the "tassel-eared marmoset" or some variation thereof, it is now more commonly called the Santarem marmoset (Mico humeralifer) to distinguish it from its kin.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Pleistocene (Pt 14): Ice Age Africa

Giant warthog
In the earlier parts of this series, when I described the animals of Ice Age Europe, I said that the continent, at that time, had a feel reminiscent of present-day Africa. But, if that's so, what was Africa like during the Ice Ages?

The answer is, perhaps disappointingly, "not that different to how it is now". Indeed, of all the settled continents, it's probably Africa that has changed the least since the Ice Ages. You might think that this has something to do with Africa being close to the equator; in particular, that it's too close for whopping great sheets of ice to have rolled across the countryside.

Which they didn't, so that much is true. Indeed, the southern hemisphere in general had far less ice cover than Europe, Asia, and North America. That's due mainly to the way that the continents happen to be arranged, with glacial ice sheets only being able to get as far as southern South America (there are fjords in places like Tierra del Fuego). Presumably, sea ice extended much further across the Southern Ocean than it does now, but that would have little effect on land-based animals.

But that's not to say that Africa, or Australia, were unaffected by the Ice Ages. Africa was colder than it is today, and, to begin with at least, rather drier, too. The Sahara and Kalahari deserts were more extensive than they are today, with the semi-desert belt of the Sahel being quite a way south of its present position, running through what are now fairly lush countries such as Guinea, Nigeria, and northern Kenya.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Deep Dives to Dark Depths

There are something like ninety species of cetacean, which are usually grouped into fourteen families. Perhaps the most obscure and little known of these families - and among the most obscure of all mammal families - is that of the beaked whales. It's actually quite a large family, with over twenty species, representing almost a quarter of all known cetacean species, and around a half of all those that are noticeably larger than dolphin-sized. And, since they typically weigh a ton or more, they're hardly small themselves.

The main reason we know so little is where they live. These are deep-water animals, that rarely come in close to shore, and so just aren't seen very often. Combine this with the fact that they're mostly of little interest to whalers, and it becomes apparent that studying them is neither easy, nor likely to be commercially motivated.


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Jones Cup Men Day 6 – Lebanon beat Taiwan on Jackson’s 35

Lebanon opened the game with a 10-0 run before Taiwan closed in to tie it at 19 all in the end of the first quarter. Led by Jackson Vroman, Lebanon went ahead and led by as many as 17 in the first half.

Vroman tallied 35 points, including 21 from freethrows, and 17 rebounds. Taiwan could not stop Vroman and sent him to the freethrow line 27 times. Brian Feghali had 18 and 8.

Taiwan center Tseng Wen-ting returned from injury. Tseng had 14 and 7.

Taiwan cut the deficit down to eight in the second half but that was the best they could do. Head coach Chung Kwang-suk said Taiwan actually played some good zone defense in the game.

"We would have had a chance if our three-point shots were dropping, " he said. Taiwan was 6-of-25 from three in the game.

Key three-pointers helped Korea overcome tough-fighting Philippines 83-80.

Kang Byung-hyun led Korea with 16 points. Arwind Santos was Philippines’ top scorer with 12 points.

Kazakhstan opened the game 7-0 and launched another 13-0 run. Japan didn’t make a basket until the last two minutes. Surprisingly, it only trailed by six in the end of the first quarter and even tied the score at 20 all.

Alexandr Tyutyunik’s timely outside shots paced Kazakhstan to a 41-32 halftime lead and was never threatened thereafter.

(Photos: Jones Cup official website)

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

shapes and stripes and black and white. . . fringed

1. zig zeb necklace - howkapow via design sponge, 2. braided rug - cmi, 3.layland embellished cami top - Diane von Furstenburg at Bloomingdales 4. feathered geometry scarf - anthropologie 5. lourdes sanchez zebra fish pillow cover - west elm 6. zebra shoe - topshop, 7. code vase - cb2

Geometric patterns and play with shapes, stripes and animal prints has been a current trend in fashion, and mixed with the sharp contrast of black and white. . . the look is bold and certainly creates a statement.
I thought I'd take part in all the fun and came up with this runner shown above.
The flat braid wool blend yarn helps to play down the sharpness of the geometric shapes in the design and contrasting color and the added fringe gives an element of texture and fun.
Hope you like it!


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Release Day Blitz: CLEAR: A Death Trippers Novel by Jessica Park!

We're celebrating the release of CLEAR: A Death Trippers Novel by Jessica Park! Check out the excerpt below!

Title: CLEAR: A Death Trippers Novel

Age: NA

Genre: Parnormal Romance

Author: Jessica Park

Cover Designer: The Cover Lure

Release date: February 17, 2015

Stella Ford’s grasp on reality is already loose, and it’s about to come undone.

When the college junior flees Chicago and leaves her toxic family behind, she heads for coastal Maine to find the one person who brought her peace years ago: Sam Bishop. But the Sam she once knew now has painful secrets.

Stella is determined to heal them both. Healing, however, is a challenge when the walls of her everyday existence collapse. And when Sam’s best friend is his worst enemy.

When the line between life and death blurs.

When an end is just a beginning.

When lust and rage rule.

Yet during extraordinary chaos, there can be extraordinary love, even if that love comes with a twist.

Welcome to death tripping.

A thriller, a paranormal, and a passionate romance, CLEAR crosses genres and breaks boundaries.
Sam walks me step-by-step through the process of cracking open lobster shells and pulling out the meat, leaning over the bowl to my left but staying close. The way he talks and moves is soothing, comforting. I notice how crystal clear everything is tonight—the colors, the sounds, the smells.

There’s sharpness to my world.

“Everyone is always crazy about the tail meat,” he says, “but if you ask me, the best flavor is in these knuckles and the claws.” He twists a red arm from the body and breaks it open. “Not only is the meat better, but there’s all the liquid that you can’t miss.” Sam is inches from me when he brings a claw shell to my lips. “Drink.”

I tip my head back a bit and let him pour hot liquid into my mouth. It’s the richest, purest taste I’ve ever experienced. When he takes the shell away, I rub my lips together and smile. “More,” I whisper.

So, he feeds me juice from the other claw. A rumble of thunder echoes just as I finish. I didn’t even notice that a storm might be brewing, but I can feel the change in the air, the tingle on my skin. Sam’s a bit distracting though. He steps in even closer, his waist moving between my legs. My eyes travel down the length of his muscular arm, to his hand that moves to rest on my thigh.

“More?” he asks softly.

“Yes,” I breathe.

“You sure, more?” His voice is soft and teasing.

Now, I take in his broad shoulders, the way his shirt fits snugly and shows the shape of his chest, and mostly, the way our closeness, our sudden intimacy, radiates around us. Our draw to each other is palpable, yet this is much more than just sexual. I’m momentarily shaken by the inexplicable perfection of us being together. We hardly know each other, so my certainty about this should feel off. But it doesn’t.

His hand gently cups my waist, and he moves his head in a bit. It only takes lifting my mouth a few inches before his lips come to mine. There is no hesitation and no tentative light kiss to feel our way around. Immediately, we have rhythm and instinct as though we’ve done this forever. He moves his mouth and tongue with an exquisite balance of confidence and tenderness, and I respond easily and naturally.

I touch my hands to his chest and admire his strength and solidity. His arm wraps behind me and pulls me in, so I slip my hands up to the back of his neck and let him bring us closer together. Each time his tongue slides against mine, a rush of adrenaline courses through me. I realize that I have been waiting for this since the exact minute when our last kiss ended all those years ago.

Right now, while burning heat and a certain level of aggressiveness come from both of us, it is also clear to me that this is not the precursor to sex. He’s not going to clear off the counter and fuck me without care as if I mean nothing. And there is safety and security in his reserve. This is a kiss with meaning and feeling and not just an obligatory step before getting laid.

I know what that feels like, and this isn’t it.

Even with my eyes closed, I sense the burst of lightning that flashes just before the thunder hits again.

Sam slows our kiss until his lips are barely brushing against me. “Food’s getting cold.”

He rubs his nose against mine, and I feel him smile.

“We can’t let your first real lobster dinner go to waste.”

“No,” I agree.

But this is already the best meal I’ve ever had.

Click on banner to read my 6 Star review....

Jessica is the author of LEFT DROWNING, the New York Times bestselling FLAT-OUT LOVE (and the companion piece FLAT-OUT MATT), and RELATIVELY FAMOUS. She lives in New Hampshire where she spends an obscene amount time thinking about rocker boys and their guitars, complex caffeinated beverages, and tropical vacations. On the rare occasions that she is able to focus on other things, she writes.

Please visit her at jessicapark.me and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/authorjessicapark and Twitter @JessicaPark24

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Thursday, March 5, 2015

Cecelia's Big Secret? recently added a new Michigan record collection, Marriage Records, 1867-1952. Several of my husband's and my ancestors lived in Michigan during that time period; so I spent several days searching for them in this new set of records. Many questions were answered, several maiden names discovered, and then I got one big surprise.

After searching for all my husband's Dagutis ancestors by first and last name, I searched on just the Dagutis surname to see what else might be there. And lo, and behold, I got my surprise. My husband's paternal grandmother, remarried after her first husband, Adam Dagutis, died in 1925. She and her youngest children had moved to Hamtramck and rented a home at 11398 St. Aubin Avenue some time between 1927 and 1929.

On 13 April 1929 widow Cecelia married Anthony Shrupskis. Both had been married before. Anthony listed his age on the license as 30 years old and Cecelia's was listed as 42. However, that was a bit optimistic since she was born in 1882 and was really 47.

Marriage license and certificate for Anthony Strupskis and Cecelia Dagutis;
courtesy of

I think my husband is still trying to wrap his brain around this new little bit of family history. I got yet another version of her maiden name and her mother's name, which was a first.

I sent the marriage record to my husband's older sister and she knew all about the second husband. According to her, he died three years after the marriage. She was surprised her brother didn't remember this. I married the wrong Dagutis!

  1. You just never know what you'll find while doing family history research. :)

  2. Nice job! Your post was mentioned in #FF

  3. Your post was mentioned in #FF

  4. I love finding the surprise second husbands. My great grandmother Celia had one too.


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T.A.N.K (Think of A New Kind) Paris, France

T.A.N.K (Think of a New Kind) is a French metal band from Paris created in 2007.

Since then, an EP and 3 albums out, reviewed as "French revelation" by magazines and webzines.

T.A.N.K performed as support band for Dagoba, Gorod, Sybreed...

T.A.N.K played in famous festivals (Wacken, Hellfest, Metal Days...)
... more

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