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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Obama: Failure of Leadership

the 44th President of the United States...Bara...Image by jmtimages via Flickr
What is wrong with this man that we have elected President of the United States? When he was running for office he told us that he was the only one who could solve the massive problems that this country has. Instead of trying to solve problems, he has caused even more.

Instead of trying to fix the economy, he has enacted new programs that are costing us even more money. Instead of helping to get us off foreign oil, he has shut down so many oil producing wells, that we will be importing even more foreign oil. We are losing more and more jobs with the policies that they are putting into place. Instead of saving our economy, it seems that he is determined to make the cost of running a business more expensive. The rules and regulations that are being applied to every aspect of our lives are costly, dangerous, and  extremely destructive to the future of the country itself.

A leader leads, he doesn't push it on down the road for someone else. Mr. Obama is no leader. He does not seem to feel that it is his job to come up with a budget for the country. He does not seem to think that it is his job to do much of anything, except to throw parties, and order people around. He doesn't think that the law applies to him. He doesn't think that friends of the country matter. He doesn't even think that the people of the country matter.

He said that he knew how to help the American people save their homes, instead he has put into place policies that are locking homes up in litigation, with no one knowing who will come out ahead. Instead of allowing new loans, banks are afraid to loan money, because they don't know what the administration is going to come up with next, in the term of rules and regulations, as well as fines that are retroactive.

We are finding that inflation does exist, and that we are facing rising costs, in food, energy, and everything else that we buy. The funny thing though, is that, it doesn't count to this government. It does to us though.To be honest these problems didn't start with Mr. Obama, and his administration is not the only one that used this process, to deceive the people of the country into thinking that things were not as bad as they really were. But I remember Mr. Obama saying that he was "Change we could believe in". Well, he has brought about change we can believe in, alright. The trouble is the change is for the worse and not the better.

Even in foreign policy, the change that he has brought about is change that we really don't want. We were told that since Mr. Obama had lived in the Middle East as a child, that he would be able to communicate, and tamp down the anger against the country, instead we have a area of the world that is much more agitated than it was before he took office. We wanted to make our country more secure. Instead we have a country that is turning it's back on it's allies and embracing enemies. Our borders are more open that they were before he took office, and we have found evidence that terrorists are able to enter the country through them. He has abandoned Israel and even says that he will vote against her in the UN

What kind of leader throws friends under the bus, and opens the door for those that want to do us harm? What kind of leader enables our enemies? What kind of leader abuses the people he is charged with leading? If Mr. Obama was the head of a corporation, he would be fired. If he was a father and did these things to his children, he could be prosecuted and jailed.

Questions are finally beginning to be asked about what the real goal of the Obama administrations is. And questions are finally beginning to be asked if the President is capable of running this country. Questions are finally be asked that should have been asked before he was elected.

A leader needs passion, but the only passion Mr. Obama seems to have is anger, and frustration when he is being questioned, and glee when he can put others down. This is not the passion of a leader, this is the passion you see in a child that enjoys bullying other children. The signs were there for us to see before he was elected, but perhaps we were so hungry for something different, that we didn't realize that the something different we were getting was actually  poison.

A leader inspires others to follow him or her, they do not need to force others to do their will. In fact, they realize that their will is not the most important thing, that the good of the people that they are entrusted to lead is what is the most important. Mr. Obama is under the mistaken idea that since he was elected, that his wants and desires are what matters.We have a system in this country that the leader is supposed to serve the people. Mr. Obama is under the impression that we are here to serve him.
Who does Mr. Obama really serve?

President Obama punts on budget--John Podhoretz -

Always On Watch said...

Interesting news about Obama's budget today: even Treasury Secretary Geithner has admitted that the fiscal plan that Obama has put forth is unsustainable.

I'll be posting the video tomorrow evening.

loopyloo305 said...

Will be watching for it!!! Thanks for the heads up!!!


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Saturday, February 25, 2012

Rhonda's Dream

My first full on attempt at computer art, which may be evident in it's sloppiness. Inspired by the infamous cartoon character of the 90's, who resides deeply in my thoughts.

Note: For some reason, the quality on the small image is crappy. Click on the picture for better quality. Pretty stars.

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From the Toy box

This blog is rated AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! for pirates, fuck you.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Mind of Oatmeal

Thats kinda what I have right now, no clue where this post is going, I'm barley sure of where I started already.

Well I was talking with a co-worker who is a very adept artist with symbols and ornate design when I asked him to design a logo for me that I later plan on commissioning to a signet ring and brand for when I begin making toys for sale.

I told him what is was looking to have done and he was questioning why the initials LF, this should be obvious to you all but to him it didn't add up, then he began asking questions such as "what does it mean", "why do you call yourself that" and "you do WHAT!!!!! to people."...

Little did i realize but during my tedious stint of data entry I had entered into a very personal part of my life with my co-workers all around me, under normal circumstances I would care except I don't work in normal circumstances and several of my fellow military members think I'm already off my rocker.

Now an aspect of my personal life has co mingled with that of my professional  and the questions never seemed to stop, but about the point where they asked me if sex was a big part of the lifestyle i had an epiphany, this is what it would be like if they re-pealed Don't Ask Don't Tell.

I'm not trying to get political by any means but it occurred to me that on the average an openly gay service member would undergo about the same scrutiny for their lifestyle choices as I had for mine, the only downfall is they might face a bit more hostility, we both currently face similar penalty for our lifestyle choices but theirs is viewed in a slightly more negative light, with the repeal of said policy though their choice would be legal ok while mine is still punishable.

I'm going to ponder this situation more over the next few days, however I think after DADT is taken care of we should work on other alternative lifestyle choices.

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Friday, June 25, 2010

Constance Spry’s Supremes de Poisson Parisienne

Constance Spry

I am going to England in July. To Oxford for the Food Symposium and then driving around the Cotswolds and Cornwall soaking up history and all that gorgeous English countryside and FOOD! Planning my trip got me to thinking about all things English and my mind wandered toward that British institution, Constance Spry (1886-1960), whose cookbook had come to my attention a few months ago thanks to the wonderful blog The Aesthete Cooks . Through the wonders of world commerce, I got a copy through Amazon UK in no time at all (the book was £2. It is available in the US for a few dollars more, just click the link!). I discovered that THE CONSTANCE SPRY COOKERY BOOK is considered the bible of English cookbooks (not unlike Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking in America). Large (1200 pages) and thorough (2000 recipes), it was written in the 50s when Spry reached the height of her success with her floral work on Queen Elizabeth’s coronation, and with her Coronation Chicken (a creamy curried salad) made for luncheon for the visiting dignitaries and devised with Rosemary Hume, her partner in a home sciences and finishing school, Winkfield Place. Although Hume was the more accomplished cook, Spry supplied the star power for the school. She was the Martha Stewart of England for generations.

Flowers of Fennel and Orange Lilies, 1951
© Constance Spry Ltd

Soft Pink Colourings, 1951
© Constance Spry Ltd

Rose Felicité et Perpetue, 1951
© Constance Spry Ltd

Spry was most famous for her flowers and entertaining advice and not as much for food and The Aesthete Cooks does a great job telling the story of her work (as does The Design Museum ) and her influence on flower arranging as she moved arrangements from stodgy to interesting (with clever containers) inspired by 17th c Dutch still lifes. This is how I knew of Spry… as a society florist to clients like The Duke and Duchess of Windsor.

Constance Spry

Spry once said “I do feel strongly that flowers should be a means of self-expression for everyone.” Starting with her first, Flower Decoration in 1934, most of Spry’s books were on flower arranging and all were written clearly and concisely advocating the use of common plants (like Kale!!) in designs and full of sensible information like how to make flowers last as well as professional florist’s secrets.

During WWII she advocated growing and eating your own food in Come Into the Garden, Cook. Other later books like Hostess gave tips for everything from preparing food to running a household to entertaining weekend guests but in my mind Spry had always been about flowers.

David Austin's Constance Spry Rose

She was to English flowers what Gertrude Jekyll was to English gardens. She had a rose named after her! That she was connected to a cookbook was a delightful surprise.

With so many recipes to choose from, it was difficult to know where to begin (I will be sharing more of these recipes with you!) but I decided on a lovely fish mousse called Supremes de Poisson Parisienne. It is a delightful first course or luncheon dish with a spectacular sauce somewhere between a veloute and a hollandaise that is all languorous velvet and luxury in the mouth. They can be made in a mold or simply in quenelles (tablespoon shaped dumplings). They are light and elegant and a fitting introduction to Spry’s mid-century world. It is a perfect dish for all those table-scapers out there…pull out the luncheon china, fine napery, polish that fish set and arrange those flowers!

Honestly, although it seems fancy, it can be made in less than an hour! I made the quenelles too and then reheated them with some capellini tossed in the sauce for a lovely leftover.

Supremes de Poisson Parisienne

Serves 4

Fish Creams

½ lb. boneless, skinless white fish (haddock or sole)

2 small egg whites

½ c cream

S + P

Sauce: Supreme

¾ oz butter (1 ¾ T)

½ oz. flour (2 ½ T)

¾ c fish fumet (fish stock with wine*)

¾ c cream

1-2 T lemon juice to taste

Tarragon sprig, optional

2 egg yolks *

1/3 c cream

12 shrimp, sliced in half

4 shitake mushrooms, sliced thinly

1 T butter

1 T lemon juice

Put fish in processor and process until paste, add eggs then cream and salt and pepper.

Put into 4 small molds and drop into slow boiling water to cover about 7- 10 minutes OR make into Quenelles with 2 tablespoons (it makes 8-10). Put into slow boiling water and poach for 5-7 minutes, turning once.

For the sauce: Melt butter and add flour and cook for a few moments. Slowly add the fumet until a sauce is formed. Add the cream and lemon juice to taste. You can leave a sprig of tarragon in the sauce while it sits for flavor or chop the tarragon and sprinkle on top as you serve. Just before serving, warm, add the beaten egg yolk and cream and warm a few moments for a silky yellow sauce (my pasture-raised eggs have insanely yellow yolks).

For the Garnish: Saute the shrimp and mushroom slices in butter, toss with lemon juice and sprinkle on the plates. Pour sauce over all.

* I always save fish bones (white fish like cod, trout etc) and shrimp & lobster shells in the freezer till I get enough to make a pot of fish fumet. That way it’s nearly free. Saute a little onion, garlic, carrot and celery in butter and add the bones and shells, bay leaf and peppercorns then toss in 2 c white wine to around 8 cups of water (the liquid should just cover the bones) and cook for 90 minutes at a slow simmer (if you have a hot plate you can make it outside if you don’t like that fish smell in the kitchen) then strain, pushing on the solids. Let it sit for a while and the solids will settle to the bottom, then package. Put it in 1 c bags and store in the freezer and then you can make lovely fish sauces in a flash!

*the eggs from Grazin Angus Acres in Union Square make the sauce this color... they are fabulous eggs

Thanks to Gollum for hosting Foodie Friday!!!

Friday, June 18, 2010

The San Francisco Earthquake, John Barrymore & Louie!

John Barrymore as Hamlet. Autographed photo, 1922. Folger Shakespeare Library

John Barrymore was 24 in 1906, and at that point, a relatively obscure member of a famous American theatrical family who had little interest in the family business, even though his breathtaking good looks dropped him squarely on that path. His grandmother, mother and father had all been stars of the American stage in the 19th century.

His sister Ethel was currently the toast of Broadway

His uncle John Drew was knocking them dead on the Great White Way as he had been doing for a quarter century (In case you are wondering, yes, John Barrymore—who was born in 1882, is the grandfather of Drew Barrymore!!). John was supposed to have been staying at the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco when the earthquake struck. Instead, he was hiding out in an attempt to elude his cast-mates who were shipping off to Australia to perform a forgettable but successful play that he was starring in.

John Barrymore, 1906

Dressed in evening clothes, he spent the next few days playing at being a reporter, getting cashiered by the militia and nearly being shot for trying to break into a friend’s house to retrieve things before it was bombed for fire break (so many beautiful undamaged houses were destroyed to stop the progress of the fire). He wrote to his sister Ethel telling her of his adventures, hoping to sell the letter for $100 to a NY press hungry for first hand news from the disaster. When his sister read John’s letter to John Drew, she asked if he believed any of it. Drew replied “I believe every word of it. It took a convulsion of nature to get him up and the US Army to make him go to work!” He admitted years later he had indeed made up most of his stories from the quake, but by the time of the admission he was very famous and his embellishment of the truth was thought to be charming... he was a rogue after all!

The St Francis was the place to be during the quake. It survived the shocks and was not seriously damaged till fires came through.

Until then it stayed open and served what it could to anyone who came through its doors for free until the food ran out (including Enrico Caruso with a fur coat over his pajamas, smoking a cigarette and muttering, " 'Ell of a place! 'Ell of a place!" and reported survivor and famous photographer, Arnold Genthe). No wonder, the kitchen was run by the indomitable chef, Victor Hirtsler, who served food himself during a labor strike in 1901 so his guests wouldn’t be disappointed. Surely an earthquake wouldn’t stop him… it took a conflagration for that.

Call me crazy, but for some reason I always conflate Crab Louie with the 1906 SF earthquake (did Jeanette McDonald have it in the movie, San Francisco?). It seems I am not too far off with the notion since turn of the century San Francisco was one the first places to make a Louie or Louis. Hirtsler’s ’The 1910 Hotel St. Francis Cookbook has a recipe for it within its pages. It would be the earliest written recipe for it. The 1919 version of the book has a much spicier version than I was used to:

What's Cooking in America tells us also in the running were San Francisco’s Solari’s Restaurant and the Olympic Club in Seattle . James Beard said the best one he ever had was in Portland at The Bohemian Restaurant before WWI. Solari’s recipe was published in Clarence Edword’s 1914 “Bohemian San Francisco and ran like this:

Solari's Crab Louis

Take meat of crab in large pieces and dress with the following: One-third mayonnaise, two-thirds chili sauce, small quantity chopped English chow-chow [spicy vegetable pickles], a little Worcestershire sauce and minced tarragon, shallots and sweet parsley. Season with salt and pepper and keep on ice.

I was going to make the louis with crab but got shrimp at the last minute. It is all about the sauce, after all, which is sort of a thousand island dressing. It is so good when made with Miss Jennie’s silken mayonnaise. Make it the new way or with all that lovely chili sauce. I just couldn't help myself and made the Solari version with crab.... delicious and sweet!

Shrimp Louie adapted from Epicurious

1 cup mayonnaise (store-bought or Jennie's amazing version below!!!)
1/4 cup chili sauce or ¼ cup ketchup + 1T chili powder
1 T lemon juice
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 T grated fresh horseradish, or 1 teaspoon bottled horseradish
Salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 lb jumbo lump crabmeat or cooked, shelled shrimp
1/4 cup thinly sliced scallion
1 small shallot, thinly sliced
Hard-boiled egg
Whisk together mayonnaise, chili sauce and chili pepper. Add the lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, horseradish, and salt and pepper to taste.
Pick over crabmeat (or shrimp) then toss with dressing. Divide among 4 plates lined with lettuce. Garnish with capers, tomato, hard-boiled egg, scallions and shallots.

Jennie Benedict’s Mayonnaise

Yolk of 1 hard-boiled egg
Salt and pepper to taste
½ cup olive oil
1 t. mustard
yolk of raw egg, well beaten
1 T vinegar
1-2 T lemon juice to taste
white of one egg beaten stiffly
Rub yolk through a sieve. Using a food processor, add mustard salt and pepper and raw yolk. Add the vinegar and then the oil slowly until a thick mayonnaise is formed and then fold in the egg white. Add lemon juice to taste.

Come and visit my article on Blog Critics about bloggers and with a great chocolate cake! Thanks to Lazaro for telling all his readers about it!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Punch Romaine on the Titanic

"Orders had been issued Sunday to make the dinner the finest ever served on a ship, regardless of expense, and the orders were carried out. I believe it was soon after 6:30 when the passengers strolled in. Mr. Ismay sat alone at a table a few feet away from that of Mr. and Mrs. Astor. He was in a corner. The Astor table was to the right and the captain's table was in the center. At Mr. Astor's table Dr. O'Loughlin, the ship's surgeon, was seated … At one time Dr. O'Loughlin stood up, and, raising a glass of champagne, cried, "Let us drink to the mighty Titanic.” So reported Thomas Whitely, asst. steward, Sunday, April 21 1912 from his hospital bed in NYC according to the Encyclopedia Titanica

Sends chills, doesn’t it? They ate like locusts (that consume their own weight daily) on the Titanic if the provisions list is any indicator. David Smith says the quantity of provisions on the Titanic were, well, Titanic! There were 75,000 pounds of fresh meat and 11,000 pounds of fish and 40 tons of potatoes. There was a ton of coffee, and enough flour for 60,000 loaves of bread! How about 16,000 lemons, 35,000 fresh eggs and 10,000 pounds of sugar (although with only 1500 bottles of wine… I think they were short in that department!)? All of this for only 3500 passengers and crew for a 5 day trip!

Did you ever wonder what they ate that last night (completely unaware of a really big iceberg looming ahead with an ocean liner on its dance card and 2 left feet?)? A great book Last Dinner On the Titanic: Menus and Recipes from the Great Liner, by Rich Archbold gives some wonderful details of the ship and menus.

Although I’ve discovered that dishes from the 19th century are often like another language that needs translation, the 1912 Titanic menu with its 10 courses is pretty recognizable to anyone with a passing knowledge of classic cuisine (I write more about that HERE).

The one thing that caught my eye was Punch Romaine. The wonderful blogger, Hobson’s Choice had mentioned this punch a few months ago and piqued my interest. I was curious that it sat in the middle of the menu as the 6th course. It seems no less than Escoffier worked with this class of punches as alcoholic palate cleansers with citrus, rum and champagne topped with a meringue froth. They are amazingly good and so refreshing. I can see that you might want to have something like this after salmon mousse, Filet Mignon, Lamb, Duck, and Sirloin of beef. You might want a break before the Squab and Pate de Foie Gras!!

There are a million recipes for it. Hobson’s Choice gave a few sources starting with the legendary THE BARTENDER'S GUIDE by Jerry Thomas published in 1862.

I found a wonderful book by William Terrington called Cooling Cups and Dainty Drinks
from 1869.

There I hit the Comstock Lode of “Ponche a la Romaine”. So many versions! I got some insight into things like lemon water ice thanks to my old friend Charles Ranhofer’s Epicurean (but had to work to find what the h-ll a syrup gage was—as it turns out, a saccharometer) and made some changes including a larger sparkling wine to lemon water ice ratio (big surprise!), taking my cue from Hobson’s Choice and Jerry Thomas and noting that quite a few recipes said that it was to be drinkable and not spoonable. I thought that the ginger addition was genius and happened to have some of Aftelier’s Ginger essential oil which is absolutely brilliant stuff. I decided to go with the Italian meringue that many recipes used only because it is more stable and being cooked, safer on a hot day than meringue. I also decided to do single servings so things stayed fresh and the meringue didn’t break down in the punch and the drink kept its layers. As for the sparkling wine, I discovered this fabulous wine called Donati Malvasia (that I got from the charming Appellation in NYC after tasting it at Gramercy Tavern). It is dry and made from the ancient malvasia grape used in Madeira. It can stand up to the sweetness of the lemon water ice and meringue. I give you the authentic 1869 recipe below if you want to make it old school—more a melty sorbet than a boozy cocktail.

My friends at 12 Bottle Bar have given a great history of this drink and an alternate recipe.... stop on by to see what they have done.

My recipe based on Brunning’s version of the drink in Cooling Cups and Dainty Drinks
You can make this in 15 minutes if you buy lemon sorbet!

Punch a la Romaine (enough to use 2 bottles of champagne easily for 12- 16)

1 recipe for lemon water ice (or, if you are in a hurry, buy a good lemon sorbet and add the rum and ginger to it)
1 recipe for meringue (Italian or plain)
2 bottles Sparkling wine (I recommend Donati Malvasia 2008—otherwise a very dry sparkling wine)

Lemon Water Ice

2 1/2 c sugar (organic is best)
2 cups water
juice of 6 lemons (at least ½ c)
peel of 2 lemons.
¼ to 1/3 c dark rum (or to taste)

6 drops Aftelier ginger essential oil (if you must, you could use a quarter-sized piece of ginger grated with the lemon peel and then strain it out but it wouldn’t be as good)
Make a simple syrup… heat the sugar and water and add lemon and peel (and ginger if you are doing it that way). Let cool for 2 hours, strain and add ginger essential oil and freeze. Add the rum and stir just before serving.

Charles Ranhofer’s The Epicurean, 1894

Italian Meringue
3 egg whites, beaten
2/3 + ¼ c sugar
¼ c water
1/8 tsp. cream of tartar

Bring sugar and water slowly to the boil… stop cooking when it reaches 237º
Beat the egg whites to firm with cream of tartar added at the end. Add this syrup slowly with the mixer running and then beat a few minutes longer till cooled, refrigerate till cold.
Just before serving, add some of the sparkling wine, lemon ice mixture (at a proportion of 1 lemon ice/wine (that is 1 lemon-6 wine) to 3 meringue—enough to give it the texture of soft whipped cream. I would say 3 T meringue is enough per glass

Uncooked Meringue
4 egg whites
½c + 2 T sifted powdered sugar
¼ t. cream of tartar
Whip the whites and add the sifted sugar slowly until a good stiff meringue is formed. Add a little of the wine mixture to flavor it but it will not take as much… less than 1-4.

To Make the Drink

Add a 1 Tb of the lemon ice in the bottom of the glass. Pour sparkling wine over it (around 1/3 c), then top with a dollop of meringue. This way there are 3 layers of flavor.
OR, mix it all together in a punch bowl and serve!

Just for the heck of it… here is some of the first class china on the Titanic, lovely, isn’t it? The glass and plate that I used are of the same vintage, around 1910.

Photos from Marconiograph

Thanks for hosting Foodie Friday Gollum!

And thanks to everyone for doing the Google ad click... less than a month to go!

Come see my article on blog critics about blogging and a great chocolate cake!!!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Chocolate Cream Pie

Sometimes you just gotta have it. You lust after it, dream about it. Chocolate Cream Pie
From reading my blog you may think all I do is lay around on silk cushions eating hummingbird tongues and drinking ancient wines out of silver chalices. Not true (only do that sometimes, friends)! I will admit, as the world grows more homogenized I crave the unusual and individual and love looking backward to reclaim original dishes from all that has come before. This works for everything from Roman banquet food to … chocolate cream pie! It was not always a diner food made of plastic and corn syrup. In my mind it is a great thing rich with chocolate and good cream. A luxury… a cool rich chocolate treat when prepared correctly.
The pie probably had its roots in the depression and was served at the Hershey Hotel in Hershey PA., the town and the Hotel that chocolate built… or at least that the founder of Hershey built. Milton Hershey was a community spirited man who built quality affordable housing for his workers who loved him. This is my idea of a great industrialist and a lovely man.
He and his wife had wanted to build a hotel for many years but his initial plan to duplicate the Heliopolis Hotel in Cairo was prohibitively expensive at $5 million (and rather mad for a tiny company town like Hershey PA) The death of his beloved wife Kitty in 1915 put a stop to the plan.
However, when he saw so many out of work in the Depression (even though he kept his factories going and his workers paid) he decided to build a less ambitious hotel (based on one he had seen with his wife on the Mediterranean) for his community in 1932, putting 600 men to work and taking advantage of depression prices on materials. The 2 million dollar hotel opened in 1933. The Hotel still thrives, Hershey PA is still the “Sweetest Place on Earth” (where else can you meet at the corner of Chocolate Avenue and Cocoa Avenue beneath Hershey’s kiss shaped streetlights?) and the Hershey Hotel still serves Chocolate Cream Pie!

Chocolate Cream Pie

1 1/3 cups graham cracker crumbs or chocolate wafer crumbs
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup sugar
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Stir together crumbs, butter, and sugar and press on bottom and up side of a 9-inch pie plate. Bake about 15 minutes, and cool on a rack.

Filling (Based on a King Arthur Recipe)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 1/3 cups semi-sweet chocolate, chopped (sorry Mr Hershey, I used 70% Callebaut)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 Drops Jasmine Absolute from Aftelier (optional)
2/3 cup granulated sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 large egg yolks
1 cup heavy cream, divided
2 cups milk

1) Place the chopped chocolate, butter, and vanilla extract in a 2-quart mixing bowl; set aside.
2) In a medium saucepan away from heat, whisk together the sugar, cornstarch, cocoa and salt. Whisk in 1/4 cup of cold heavy cream until the mixture is smooth, with no lumps. Repeat with another 1/4 cup of the cream. Whisk in the egg yolks
3) Place the saucepan over medium heat, and gradually whisk in the remaining cream and milk.
4) Bring to a boil, whisking constantly as the mixture thickens; boil for 1 minute
5) Remove the pan from the heat and pour the mixture over the reserved chocolate and butter.
6) Whisk until the chocolate is melted and the mixture is smooth.
7) Pass the filling through a strainer into a bowl to remove any lumps.
8) Place plastic wrap or buttered parchment paper on the surface to prevent a skin from forming, and chill thoroughly

1 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Whip the cream till it begins to form soft peaks, Sift the powered sugar over the cream and add the vanilla and whip to blend

1) Place the heavy cream in a chilled mixing bowl.
2) Whip until the whisk begins to leave tracks in the bowl.
3) Add the sugar and vanilla and whip until the cream holds a medium peak.

Transfer the cooled filling to the cooled crust. Level the top with the back of a spoon or an offset spatula. Let it chill thoroughly.
Serve with the whipped cream on the top of the pie or top individual slices with the cream.

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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Club Broadway

Club Broadway
Club Broadway

Location: 3348 East Broadway, Long Beach, California, USA

Opened: Earliest reference I have found to someone going there is 2003, but it probably opened well before that

Closed: March-April 2010?

First of all, allow the lady to introduce herself:

Hi there. I am a bar at the corner of Redondo and Broadway in Long Beach. I have pool, darts, and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. I have the friendliest bartenders in town. If you see Jeff at the bar, buy him a drink.

Okay. Interesting self-introduction, that. Here's what the indomitable Andrew Collins had to say about Club Broadway over at

Small, laid-back, and generally pretty mellow, Club Broadway (3348 E. Broadway, 562-438-7700) is a long-running lesbian bar along the city's main GLBT-bar strip, East Broadway (it's actually several blocks east of most of the other bars). Inside you'll find a pool table, darts, and ample seating and standing areas. It's just a few steps from one of the more raffishly endearing dive bars in Long Beach, the Reno Room, which is mostly hetero but also draws quite a few gays and lesbians.

Clubplanet also had complementary things to say:

Club Broadway - This cozy little joint close to the beach can make most girls happy. You can play darts, pool, or watch the tube. Great spot for the ladies to just chill.

GayCities, was, uh, a bit less diplomatic:

Lesbian dive bar on the Broadway strip
Not to be confused with the Broadway Cocktail Lounge, which caters to the men, Club Broadway features a predominantly female clientele for dancing and drinks.

As for patron reviews, I have never seen so many self-centered, entitled men, who, upon barging into a lesbian bar, immediately start whining about all the dykes--and how they all didn't promptly fall down and kiss their male feet upon entry. Notice how these men were basically demanding the following: that they not be ignored, that they be paid attention to, that their "straight"/bi-curious girlfriend have access to the lesbians, and that they be "liked." Even as one grudgingly admitted that there were hardly any bars for lesbians in Long Beach! Doesn't matter. Men still "deserved" unfettered access on their terms.

Like Raphael M. (December 2006):

I've been here twice.
Once, I was ignored (being a solitary guy in a lesbian bar, I should have expected that). The second time was great, and I met some cool neighbors.

Or Robert P. (April 2007):

Aside from all the lesbians, this place rocks! No seriously, this bar kicks ass. I mean sure, it's all women, but who needs all the attention all the time anyway? This is a great place to bring your lesbian sister (like me,) or to bring your "straight" girlfriend who SWEARS she's "straight"...but likes kissing girls when she's drunk (like me.) It's a bit small, but since they have room for a pool table, they have room for me! The two male bartenders are the sweetest guys ever! They always make my night. However, I do not recommend this place if you are a single guy with not even one girl in your realm of association.

Or Eric T. (April 2008):

The girls at Club Broadway don't like me!  It saddens me a little.
I rolled up here once with a posse of two gay boys, one "straight" boy and a confused "bi-curious" girl.  The looks we got at this place made it clear we weren't welcome.  I can understand.  The gays in Long Beach have taken over everything.  The lesbians have been alienated and only have, like, three bars in all of Long Beach that they can call predominantly lesbian.  But, damn bitches, can't some fags just have a beer and not have to incur your wrath?

Some of the same complaints were echoed by the (ostensibly straight?) women as well, who demanded nothing less than kind and adoring looks (no rude staring!) for their boyfriends. Come on all you dykes! Put on your happy faces for the menz!

Like Soleil D. (January 2010):

If you plan on coming here (a primarily Lesbian bar), lose the males and all is well. If you don't mind the awkward, "why are they here" stares then abuse the no waiting for drinks, admire the pro-pool players, and sit wherever you like.

Or Lauren M. (October 2009):

As far as gay bars go, don't walk into this one if you are any of the following; Gay Male, Straight Women, straight male, or under 45. let me assure you,  not only get the look of death from the regular pool nazis, you might never get a drink from any of the bartenders. If you do happen to enter this abyss, march as fast as you can up the stairs to the "crows nest" and stay there the entire evening. It will be your only safety net.

The bitching got to the point where even a gay man felt the need to intervene with something like a voice of reason. Here's David M. (May 2008):

Listen, this is a Lesbian BAR!
I'm a gay guy and I don't expect to be treated special here.

A few lesbians chipped in a few words of support as well. (Though there were also a few complaints interspersed here and there about all the "ex-military closeted 40+ diesel dyke" types and the "gnarly" bathrooms.) Here's eve I (May 2007), who had nothing but pure adoration for the place:

OK, am I the only person that LOVES this bar?? Does that make me weird? Am I destined to wear  flannel and own 10 cats in my golden years? So be it!
This bar is tiny, or "cozy" as some might say but I love going here for the happy hour and chatting it up. The bartenders usually show a little extra love in their drink mixing and they have one of those digital jukeboxes but the selections that you don't have to pay extra for are pretty awesome and varied (Devo, Siouxsie, MJ, Madonna, The Clash, etc) despite being a little heavy on the Melissa Etheridge but what else did you expect? This is a dyke bar! Also, of all the times that I've been in here, I've noticed a, older and wiser (perhaps?) assortment of ladies.
I love the upstairs perch so I can view all the action but have a more quiet place to gossip. I've also noticed that this is a fave spot for semi-PDAs.
Also, the second to last time that I was here, an older drunk butch serenaded me and kissed my hand like a gentlemen! Now, if I could only feel this loved at all the other bars I go to!

Or Ann P. (January 2009):

This bar has been around for quite some time. It is labeled a "lesbian" bar but I've seen every walk of life in here. I'm not going to sit here and label lesbians that frequent this establishment cause that shit is low. Were all rowing up shit river together so everybody grab an oar and row together damn-it ! I go in here maybe 2 times a year with my pals and I always have a good time.

Or Betty N. (August 2009):

LOVE this place!
Fun people and fun times.
Bartenders HOOKED it up . . ordered a shot . . . it became a triple. Each and every time. THANK YOU, oh so friendly bartenders!
Simple layout with kooky dark bar and one bathroom. There is a pool table and a dart board.
Great vibe and no stinky eye! LOVE it!

Erin V--despite a lot of ambivalence--dredged up something of a final eulogy for Club Broadway...once it was gone:

This establishment has finally closed their doors forever.
It was predominantly a lesbian bar.  It had been for so many years.  Was is a cool lesbian bar?  Sadly no.  I think some of the the locals were were not as friendly towards their own.  I've felt that before.  The stares, well I suppose its because you're fresh meat in a fish market.  It's really sad.  I mean really, considering we're still fighting for our rights to be an equal citizen.  How can you not be queer friendly towards your own.  I'm not a man hater,  I've brought some of my straight friends here. At one point it was an okay bar.  They did have some pretty strong drinks from what I remember.
There aren't too many lez bars in LB to begin with so it's a little sad that this location is now closed

Since at least May 2010, a (gay male?) "sports bar" called Baddeley's Pourhouse has been operating at this location. And finally, all the boys are happy because they're not being "discriminated" against any more. As one guy proclaimed, "Great addition to the neighborhood. To me Club Broadway was a bit scary. Probably the thought of getting beat up by a girl was a little too much for my ego to take."

Yea, probably so.

Interesting, that you don't see any (out) lesbians reviewing Baddeley's or whether they feel welcomed there. I suspect that, as usual, they're not. They didn't expect to feel welcomed though. And they're just keeping quiet about it.

Photo: Club Broadway (exterior) by Andrew Collins

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10th September 2013

It feels like Foals have been around forever. Cast your mind back and I’m sure you’ll recollect them bursting onto the music scene with super-catchy math-rock classics like ‘Cassius, it’s over!’ That was back in 2007 and since then, an unbelievable work ethic coupled with a steadfast musical integrity has seen them take on (and conquer) the rest of the world.

Earlier this year saw the release of album number three, ‘Holy Fire’ along with a substantial world tour. They’ve even managed to squeeze in a set at almost every festival known to man. And it’s in a live setting that they really come into their own. Capable of some beautifully heartfelt moments, they can easily switch into a surprising disco-bop mode and finish with a face-melting explosion. It’s quite something to behold and usually ends up in a full-on party vibe.

So, it’s reassuring to know that as they’re all still in their twenties, there’s probably plenty of shimmy-ing from guitarist, Jimmy Smith and crowd surfing by party-starting frontman Yannis yet to come…

Here they are in an intimate setting at KCRW studios in L.A. Yes, they’re even big in The States.

Go Foals! at

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© 2018 Loud & Clear Edinburgh


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After recently announcing that they would be releasing their fourth album in 2013, the members of Alter Bridge have now started working on the new disc.

On Friday (Jan. 4), the band posted the picture on the left of guitarist Mark Tremonti and singer Myles Kennedy in the studio on Facebook with the caption "It begins today." And today (Jan. 7), they stated, "Writing on 'AB4' has begun. Very productive sessions so far!"

The band will try to get in as much work as possible over the next couple of weeks, as both Tremonti and Kennedy will be out on the road very shortly.

Tremonti is heading out with his solo band for a tour of Europe and the United States in February and March, as his latest single 'Wish You Well' starts to heat up rock radio.

Meanwhile, Kennedy will be out on the road with Slash in Europe starting Jan. 31. See the dates here.

The upcoming Alter Bridge album will be the follow-up to 2010's 'ABIII,' which yielded the hit singles 'Isolation' and 'Ghost of Days Gone By.' Tremonti is also working on a new album with Creed.


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Monday, June 15, 2009

Why liberals think Republicans harbor racists

Because too often they do. The Tennessee liberal blogosphere (yes, it exists - it's even strong and vibrant) summarized here.

(h/t GoldnI on DailyKos)

globeisatrocious said...

Holy shite - Daily Kos is an anti-semitic snake pit. H/t Hitler next time.

lovable liberal said...

I've been on Kos since very close to the beginning, and there are occasional anti-Semitic comments - maybe even diaries. I don't have time any more to read far down into the comments, but your assertion is bullshit.

Many of the anti-Semites who do show up there are wingnut trolls, anyway, and there's a process to ban them. Still, anyone can sign up for an ID.

Again, I don't think you know what you're talking about, but that shouldn't be a surprise at this point.


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Tag Archives: Leprechauns

Interview with Carrie Anne Noble

You guys, I can’t even tell you how excited I am for this new book, The Gold-Son by Carrie Anne Noble.

I listened to The Mermaid’s Sister on Audible on the way home from PENCON, and Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness.

So good.

Then Carrie Anne Noble asked if anyone would be willing to host her for The Gold-Son’s release. Can I help it if I knocked everyone else over to get my hands on an ARC of this book?

(Okay, I wasn’t that brutal, but still…)

I’ve read it, I love it, and I’m beyond excited to have the author on my blog today.

(You guys should totally be freaking out with me. Eep!)

Hi Carrie! Thank you so much for being a guest on my blog today! I’ve got so many questions for you about your brilliant books, I hope you don’t mind my fangirling just the teeniest-tiniest bit. I love your stories!

  • What fairy tales did you borrow from, or did you make The Gold-Son entirely your own tale?

For The Gold-Son, I researched Irish leprechaun folklore, and then I took some of the traditional beliefs and wove them together with my own ideas. For example, according to legend, leprechauns live underground, so I went with that—and then added that leprechauns have a network of towns below ground, with shops and roads and pubs just like humans have. I also decided that leprechauns eat mostly mushrooms (because what else can you grow in the dark for food?).

Well, of course! And I loved learning more about them.

  • Why did you choose first person for The Mermaid’s Sister and third person for The Gold-Son?

The Mermaid’s Sister was written in first person because it was a very personal story for me, a fictionalized journey through my real-life grief at the loss of my sister. The Gold-Son was written more as a return to the joy and fun of writing. To me, third person seemed like the best way to convey both Tommin’s and Eve’s experiences.

Oh, how achingly beautiful! I am so sorry, Carrie. I loved the way you conveyed each story.

  • Does writing energize or exhaust you?

It really depends on the day.

When the words are flowing, it can be quite exhilarating. When I’m stuck revising a pesky scene for hours, it can suck the life right out of me. Thank heaven for the rejuvenating qualities of chocolate!

Amen! Chocolate wins everything.

  • I recently listened to the audiobook of The Mermaid’s Sister, and it was stunning. Will we see any of the same characters in your new book, The Gold-Son?

The Gold-Son contains a whole new cast of characters: a kindhearted shoemaker’s apprentice addicted to stealing, a mute young woman held hostage by magic, a wicked leprechaun bent on dominating fairy-kind, a shape shifting bat-boy, and more! By the way, I’m completely thrilled to report that Irish actor Gerard Doyle narrated the audiobook for The Gold-Son. It’s just enchanting!

Excuse me while I pause everything and go preorder that too. Swoon!

  • Do you want each book to stand on its own, or are you trying to build a body of work with connections between each book?

So far I’ve only written stand-alone books with characters unique to each one. The thought of writing a series is rather daunting to me, but I might try someday! What my books have in common (my “brand”) is the blending of historical fiction and fairy tale elements, with a little dash of whimsy. It’s what I like to read, and what I most enjoy creating.

And that whimsy is enchanting! Each story is truly a unique blend of history and fairy tale woven together.

  • What kind of research do you do, and how long do you spend researching before beginning a book?

I do some online and library research before I start writing the first draft, and then as I write I stop to check the odd historical fact now and then. Readers are pretty savvy and will call you out for giving a character a pocket watch before they were invented, or for having characters eat foods unavailable in their region. I enjoy the trivia of history, so fact checking is a fun distraction sometimes.

Ahem. This may be the reason I love writing fantasy… Pocket watch wasn’t invented yet? Bam! Alternate history. Lol! But in all seriousness, your attention to detail amazes me. Well done!

  • What was the best money you ever spent as a writer?

The best money I’ve spent as a writer has been the money spent attending writers’ conferences such as St. Davids and Realm Makers. I heartily believe that taking classes to improve your craft and networking with others in the business are essential stepping stones to becoming a successful writer—especially for introverts like me. Writing is such a solitary art; it’s refreshing to come out of your lair and meet people who understand the weirdness of a writer’s brain! To anyone who thinks they can’t afford to attend conferences: check conference websites for scholarship opportunities and take the plunge!

Woohoo! Realm Makers is the best! (Only my favorite writers’ conference ever…)

  • What other authors are you friends with, and how do they help you become a better writer?

I don’t know what I’d do without the feedback and encouragement I receive from writers in my local NaNoWriMo group (including my prized beta-reader, the talented, multi-published short story writer Amanda C. Davis) and the members of my local critique group! Also, Rysa Walker, who won the 2013 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, gave me loads of helpful advice and support throughout the publishing process for The Mermaid’s Sister when it won the ABNA for the YA category in 2014. I’ve made quite a few writer friends at conferences—too many to name here, for sure! Having peers to cheer you on and steer you toward growth is priceless, especially on days you’re struggling with doubt or nasty reviews.

Absolutely! Oh, I’m so glad you have such a wonderful group of supportive writers!

  • What was an early experience where you learned that language had power?

For English class in fifth grade, I had to write a story based on an interview with an older family member. I wrote about my great grandmother’s childhood summers at a farm. It taught me how powerfully words work to preserve memories and sensory experiences that would otherwise be forgotten. Maybe that’s why I’m still drawn to historical fiction; it keeps parts of the past alive, allowing us to experience in our imaginations the world as it was for our predecessors.

That is lovely.

  • What does literary success look like to you?

To me, literary success means having readers enjoy my stories, and also being able to help pay the bills—while honoring God who gave me the gift of words.

I do believe I need to frame this for my office. So well said!

  • If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

Don’t stop writing just because some people fail to appreciate your passion. Do it for yourself, and for the joy of it, and eventually all your practice will pay off!

Thank you, Carrie! I have loved getting to know you better, and I adore your new book!

What do you think, dearest readers? Are you ready to immerse yourself in The Gold-Son’s world?

Get thyself to the nearest bookstore (or, you know, Amazon) forthwith!

In Him,

*Photo Credit: Tonya Wilhelm Photography

About the Author:

In the wake of her checkered past as a theatre student, restaurant hostess, certified nurse aide, and newspaper writer, Carrie Anne now writes novels and short stories–mostly for a Young Adult audience. She lives in the mountains of Pennsylvania with her tolerant husband, four charming children, two naughty cats, a not-so-bright dog, and some really-not-so-bright chickens. The chickens do not live in the house.

Her favorite authors include Mervyn Peake, Neil Gaiman, Maggie Stiefvater, Ardyth Kennelly, Catherine Cookson, C.S. Lewis, and J.R.R. Tolkien.

When not reading or writing, Carrie Anne enjoys sewing, attempting to garden, and having tea parties with friends (preferably Mad Hatter style!).

The Mermaid’s Sister:

2014 Winner of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award winner for Young Adult Fiction

2016 Winner of the Realm Award for Speculative Novel of the Year

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Thursday, July 4, 2013

Join us at Essence Music Festival! #NOLACrawl in New Orleans

Happy 4th of July guys! I hope you're all enjoying your beautiful holiday. I'm sure quite a few of you are reading this from the sunny streets of New Orleans as many of you are down there for the Essence Music Festival. I had a blast when I attended last year for the first time.

For those of you who are there, and for those who can't be there but want to follow along in the excitement, myself and some of my favorite fellow bloggers Jessica of Glamazons Blog, Danielle of The Style & Beauty Doctor and Lexi of LexiWithTheCurls are hosting our very own #NOLACrawl!

What exactly is a "crawl"? Well it's very similar to the Fashion's Night Out Crawl we all collaborated on last September. We made quite a few stops all around NYC that evening in celebration of FNO. And you guys, our lovely readers and friends, came right along with us! Here's a video to jog your memory:

You ready for Part 2 in New Orleans? We are! Thanks to our wonderful #NOLACrawl sponsors African Pride, Shea Moisture and Cover FX, here's what we're getting into during this weekend's Essence Music Festival festivities:

Saturday, July 6th

12:00PM – 4:00PM: African Pride Beauty & The Beat Suite hosted by DJ Spinderella, Kelli Price and celebrities from the 80's, 90's and today! We’ll be there from 1:00PM – 3:00 PM.

Wyndham Riverfront 701 Convention Center Boulevard, New Orleans

2:00PM – 5:00PM: SheaMoisture Meet & Greet with Curly Nikki and Celebrity Stylist Diane Bailey. Come out for consultations on hair care and color! We’ll be stopping by from 3:30PM – 5:00PM

321 Chartres Street Between Bienville and Conti Streets (across from W Hotel French Quarter)

Sunday, July 7th

1:00PM – 6:00PM*: SheaMoisture Day Party with hair consultations by celebrity hairstylist Felicia Leatherwood (we’ll also be there chatting about SheaMoisture’s skincare line and helping you guys with purchases). We’ll be there from 12:00PM – 2:00PM. (*Shop opens at 11AM, party starts at 1PM)

321 Chartres Street Between Bienville and Conti Streets (across from W Hotel French Quarter)

2:00PM – 4:00PM: Cruise the Convention Center–we’ll be checking out the various booths, seeing the sights, and celeb-spotting!

900 Convention Center Blvd New Orleans

Hope to see you guys there! Follow along with us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and everywhere in between using the hashtag #NOLACrawl to keep track of all the festivities!

Have you ever been to Essence Music Festival? Are you attending this year? Holla at me below!

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Im only gonna break your little heart

OMG. Something wrong with my keyboard (!)

Oh, look. Its okay now. (:

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Your culo

Tafuck ? Im hungry 10 minutes ago. But now im full. Hehh -_-

Bye :D

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Woy, LIKE I CARE (!)

Friday, March 26, 2010

Aahhh, you've made me melt okay. Dont you ever to talk like that AGAIN to me. Thank you. <3

Monday, February 8, 2010

I've been roaming around

Im in love with you. Can't you see it through my eyes? Okay. taknak jadi jiwang lah. Heylewww. Im in love with you. Come on. I love you. I love you. I love you. What the eff am i talking about. Okay. Shhh.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Happy. Smile. Laugh. Thats all i've been doing today at school. Heeh. Best. Byeee. (:

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Yeahyeah. I Love You.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Mash Up

Dayummn. Haritu, balik JB. (: Midnight, tgok movie. Dengan Lyssa, Myra, Kak Aliaa, Kak Janna, Kak Long and Che'mas. Dierang tgok Adnan Sempit. But, me and Alyssa watched Paranormal Activity. So damn scared cerita tu. Rasa nak sepak je en? Seriously takut. Heh. Then, balik around 230 like that, I guess. Tggu Uncle Rahman dtg ambik. Balik Majidee, tggu Aunty Ani ambik. Then, balik rumah Alyssa, kat Perling. Baru tido. And then, pagi tu, balik lah. Oh, celeb birthday Uncle Mahmood. (: Then, baru balik. And now, im home. Just now I watched Paranormal Activity. AGAIN. But, with Mieza. Hehe. Balik tu, kene kejar dengan anjing. This is the 3rd time. Wtafuck ? Whatever lah. Malam tuition. So blur. Hahaha. Sorry, Sir LOGAN ! :D Balik tution tu, I doesnt felt right. Something was wrong. But nahh, its okay. Now, im afraid. Because of that fcking Paranormal Activity. Eff you. Haha. But, you are the best. -.-' Bye. Thsts all. (:

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The planet earth turn slowly

Today was quite fun. I dont know what the hell was fun. But I think im happy. I dont know why. Weirdooo. -.-' I just went back from school. Ya know, koko thingy. Im in Unit Bimbingan & Kaunseling. Borinnggggggg. But, best aa boleh dengar orang punya problem. One of my victim is Anis. Well, she got a problems. So, thats all. (:

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ape kimak sial, perangai kau aaah?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tak pernah buat.

Aku sekolah sesi pagi sekarang. Its a new thing. God. Imma PMR candidates. Ha-ha.


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Awesome Eco Friendly Giveaway. Click HERE To Enter.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Really makes you think

On Facebook I am a member of Cancer Sucks. Everyday or so they post new sites for people that are suffering from cancer. They are all heart wrenching!! There is this one little girl that I just keep thinking about her name is Layla Grace. She brings me to tears just saying her name. Her story really makes you think. I was just getting the girls to lay down for a nap and Ainsleigh was giving me a terrible time, pretty much being disobedient. Like most 2 year olds. :) Anyway I tell her that we can only read one book because she really needed to lay down. While I am sitting there with her I start thinking.

It's hard to not let things get to you when you are having a bad day. Layla's mom wants her to act out, wants her to talk back to her. She doesn't want to quiet house, she wants her little girl back. It will take a miracle to heal her and they didn't think she would make it through the night last night. Once again Layla's strength pulled her through. I know God has a plan for her and that's easy for me to say because she's not my little girl. What I have learned is when we are having a bad I need to step back and think about Layla's Mom. I pray she finds the strength she needs. Please say alittle prayer for Layla!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. I think I'll hug my kids a little tighter tonight.

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The Murderer and Me

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~ Buddha

A little over a year ago, my sister and I witnessed a murder.

We didn't see the shooter's or the victim's face closely, but we saw the shots fired (at close range) and the victim gasping for breath and then falling to the ground. It was such an unbelievable scenario that we actually didn't believe what we had seen. It couldn't have been real. My sister was convinced it was just some kids playing with a BB Gun. I wanted to believe her. I mean, that kind of stuff only happens on Law & Order, right?

We called the cops, went into the precinct the next day, and even looked at pages and pages of mugshots before conceding defeat. We hadn't seen much.

But we had seen enough.

When we found out it was a real shooting, at first, I felt shocked: I can't believe that happened. I can't believe I saw it happen. I hope the person is ok.
Then, I felt angry: Why aren't guns illegal. What kind of world do we live in. How can someone actually do something like that.
Then, I felt disconnected: I'm fine with it.

I completely disassociated myself from the event. I became apathetic and began feeling rather indifferent towards the situation since I couldn't logically or intellectually process it. But it happened. And ignoring it certainly wasn't going to get me anywhere.

So one day I sat down to write out some thoughts about it. I needed to address the issue in a way that would allow me to comprehend and process it. As someone who believes everything happens for a reason, I needed to understand why I was there at that exact moment to witness such a horrible crime.

After sitting with it for some time, I came to the conclusion that I witnessed this event so that I would take the opportunity to visit my anger center. To understand what separates the shooter from myself. Yes, he took a life and I would never do that, but what was the root of his actions? An imbalance? A disconnect? Whether he did it for money, revenge, or just for kicks, he was disconnected from the good place inside of him. I know it sounds crazy - I mean, how can someone who did something so horrible have a good place inside of them? Well, the truth is we all do.

Murderers aren't born, they're made.

At moments in my own life, when I let anger control me, I was disconnected, too. And just because I didn't pull an actual trigger, that doesn't mean I didn't pull a metaphoric one. Haven't I ever said something mean to someone in my life, lost my temper, acted in a way I later wished I hadn't? Hadn't those words or actions acted like a weapon and injured the other person?

What I realized was that the murderer and I are the same.

After all, what differentiates his anger from mine? He just has different boundaries than me. I could never think of killing someone, but that's my boundary. Perhaps he could never imagine writing a blog about his emotions - but that's him. We approach our emotions differently.

From him, I learned that when I feel anger, it is ok for me to feel angry, but it is not ok for me to use my anger as a weapon against others. From this event, I realized that I needed to become more aware of my emotions.

What I also realized is that I hadn't yet allowed myself to feel sadness. Sad for the victim, sad for the shooter, sad for what the world has come to, sad for myself to have witnessed this. I was repressing my emotions and in letting them sit inside of me without addressing them, I was muting all of my emotions. Because my body hadn't been allowed to process sadness, my body also didn't feel allowed to engage fully in happiness or joy either.

This was a serious problem.

They say your body stores your emotions, whether or not your mind processes them. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, each organ of your body is associated with a certain emotion. Kidneys with fear, liver with anger, lungs with grief, stomach with worry, heart with joy, and so on. So in not feeling an emotion, your body just stores it and becomes congested. People throw their back when they get stressed; have stomach ulcers when they are anxious; children pee when they get scared. It is all connected.

So in the spirit of growing and learning this year, I have decided to engage in Rasa Sadhana once a month. Rasa Sadhana is a practice of emotional fasting or focusing in which a person puts aside any period of time (day, week, month) to focus individually on each of the nine principal emotions (love, joy, wonder, peace, anger, courage, sadness, fear, disgust) in order to become more attuned to their presence and as a result, master them.

This is not a practice of denying emotions when they arise, of not feeling "bad" emotions or only feeling the emotions we label as "good". We are, after all, human, and all emotions are a natural part of who we are. This is rather about feeling everything fully, observing emotions in an active instead of reactive way, and getting to the root of why we are feeling a certain way. An emotion is a symptom, not a problem. So it is important to understand where our emotions are coming from. If you figure out the problem, the symptom will dissipate. In this way, we can gain mastery over our emotions.

It is important and necessary to address and honour what we feel in order to process it both physically and psychologically, and equally important to enable ourselves to let go. And after bearing witness to someone else's disconnect, I am ready to reconnect and let go.

I am putting down this hot coal.

I am done getting burned.

What emotions are clogged in your system?

P.S. If you would like to do Rasa Sadhana with me this year, reach out to me and maybe I can create a little workshop for us to go through together.

Scribblie Perfection

When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
~ Buddha

I've got this little two-year-old in my life.

No, this is not one of those posts about the little two-year-old me who lives inside of me; this little girl is real and in the flesh. Her name is Reya.

When they're this small, they're little sponges soaking up everything you say and do and all the things you didn't realize you said and did (eep)! But although she learns a million things from me, I am always surprised at how much I learn from her.

Take this drawing of hers:

Yes, to the untrained eye it looks like pencil scratches, circles, and general two-year-old scribblies, but after she ran proudly and excitedly to me and said "Look!", I contemplated it for a minute and then asked her what it was. Without a moment's hesitation, she said,

She knew exactly what it was. And when I looked again, I saw it too. Right there, in the middle of the scribbles and the lines and the circles, there He was. The Buddha. Staring straight back at me, wondering how I hadn't seen Him there in the first place.

I guess I wasn't really paying attention.

Buddha is said to have attained enlightenment and transcended this physical existence. So Buddha isn't something specific. He doesn't look a certain way. He is a concept. He is the idea that you can break free from this physical box and see the world differently if you choose to. He is transcendence, stillness, or whatever you make Him out to be.

With her drawing of the Buddha, Reya made me realize that even in the chaos, there is order, there is meaning. In her drawing there was nothing, and yet, there was everything. And she showed me that whatever enlightenment and perfection mean to you - that is what it is, and no one can argue with that. (Anyway, try arguing with a two-year-old!)

So I kept her scribble, and I will post it on my wall to remind me that it's all secretly perfect.

And every time I look at it, I will tilt my head back and laugh at the sky.

Can you find perfection in your chaos?

The Tears of Last Year

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.
~ Henry David Thoreau

A few years ago, I spent New Year's Eve in India with some new friends I had made while volunteering there. At midnight, my friend pulled out glasses of water and handed one to each of us. We were to think of the sadness and negativity of the past year, and then pour the water out. This simple gesture was meant to symbolize throwing out the tears of last year. Emptying one's cup of the accumulated negative energy in order for it to be filled again with whatever we choose to focus on in the coming year. This little ritual stuck with me since then and now, eight years later, I still take pleasure in emptying my cup at the beginning of every new year.

Wherever I am in all the hullaballoo surrounding the new year, I always try to take a moment at midnight to think about the negative energies of the past year that I would like to let go of. This year, I spent midnight with my husband and some friends, and after the customary champagne toast, I offered them all a glass of water, hoping to pay forward this little tradition that had inspired me so many years ago.

We all stepped outside into the crisp winter air for a moment, each with our own glass of water, and took a moment to think of the things we wanted to let go of. As I was thinking of the tears I wanted to leave behind in 2011, I stopped for a moment.

There it was: a permeating silence. The kind of beautiful silence that accompanies a moment of sincere reflection. It was a personal experience for each one of us, and although we were all standing there together, I knew we had each entered into our own universe for a moment.

It was a beautiful thing.

After we poured our glasses out and went back into the house, a pervading peace surrounded us for a few moments. Everyone thanked me for introducing them to this ritual, and my heart soared a teeny bit. In a fast-paced world full of noise and action, I had managed to engage stillness and reflection in myself and also provide it to others, if just for one brief moment before we resumed the party.

Secretly, I think everyone needed it. In the rush of life, with the constant connectivity of technology, we so rarely take the time to be in silence. And months pass while we hold on to so many things and let them fester inside of us, even if we think we have let them go. But taking a moment to pay homage to our past and then to let it go is such a powerful practice - one that need not only be performed once a year.

What a wonderful way to start off the new year: with silence, surrender, and gratitude.
And an empty cup.

I feel rich beyond measure.

What negative energies do you want to leave behind in 2011?